What Does a Virtual Assistant Do Best?
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The missing SEX option (Score:3, Insightful)
Or was it "Helps Find CowboyNeal"?
Re:The missing SEX option (Score:5, Funny)
Or was it "Helps Find CowboyNeal"?
Maybe "CowboyNeal" is a synonym of "clitoris"
Damn, that changes the meaning of every poll... interesting...
Two missing options. (Score:4, Interesting)
There are at least two options missing from the list:
1. Spy on your whereabouts and activities and report them to government/corporate masters.
2. Stay powered down and inactive.
I suspect many "virtual assistants" are doing the first of these, and we'd prefer if they were actually doing the second.
Re:The missing SEX option (Score:2)
I was highly tempted to vote "faux human contact" for the same reason, but sometimes I really, really need an alarm clock or similar reminder, so "Gives reminders" for me.
Re:The missing SEX option (Score:2)
I initially misread the first option as 'gives erections'. And, frankly, that would be as good a use of a virtual assistant as anything else they do. As cool as the software can be, it's really just a UI paradigm; all of the operations in the poll options are straightforward enough to do with a standard smartphone interface. Not to diminish the importance of UI paradigms, as they can be industry-changing, but at the same time, I've worked through enough of them to be less interested than I used to be.
Industry specific virtual assistants? (Score:2)
Is there a market for that kind of thing? How would one find such a job?
Re:Industry specific virtual assistants? (Score:3)
Are there any jobs for "industry specific" virtual assistants? I could see a market for niche (aerospace, research science, etc.) industries where someone with extensive industry experience would be extremely handy. Rather than the lowest cheap dude out of India, how about a research student out of Boston? Is there a market for that kind of thing? How would one find such a job?
Are you asking about job openings for virtual assistants?
Re:Industry specific virtual assistants? (Score:2)
wherever there is an opening. i hope to fill it
Report my doings to advertisers 24/7? (Score:1)
I don't see virtual assistants having helping the end user as their main functionality. Instead, they will be reporting what the user is doing, perhaps even what emotions they are having 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year to advertisers, the popo, and perhaps foreign government intel services, which would allow them to immediately find people who don't like their country or their machinations and "pacify" them.
Re:Report my doings to advertisers 24/7? (Score:1)
Lol - "popo" and "foreign government intel" - you're British, and it's showing.
First, popo, Northern British for police, and second, the (false) assumption that other governments spy more on their citizens than ours does. I.e. the US Government.
Like Microsoft Office Assistant Paperclip (Score:4, Funny)
Hello, How may I annoy the fuck out of you today?
No. (Score:1)
A VA is an online PA. A human. Not a digital pop-up software agent.
Re:No. (Score:0)
Tell it to the poll designer. It's clear from at least one of the options ("faux human contact") that what you have in mind is not what he/she had in mind. At least most of the respondents here seemed to get it, but not you.
I wanted to say... (Score:3)
I wanted to say that the thing a VA does best is suck. But that might be misconstrued as praise.
Re:I wanted to say... (Score:2)
Re:I wanted to say... (Score:2, Funny)
That's when you buy a Virtual Assistant in a hurry and by mistake order a Virtual Assassin instead...
Re:I wanted to say... (Score:1)
And I always thought you order an assassin in order to kill others.
Re:No. (Score:2)
At least most of the respondents here seemed to get it, but not you.
Not me. Nor Wikipedia. [wikipedia.org] Nor the myriad of hire companies that come up when you search "Virtual Assistant", offering self-employed PAs & secretaries.
Re:No. (Score:2)
Re:No. (Score:2)
A VA is an online PA. A human. Not a digital pop-up software agent.
You sure? They way software development is going, how do you know it's not a program?
Re:No. (Score:3)
Have you ever used a digital assistant? Like Siri? You know.
Anyway, ignore my posts, everyone is using "Virtual Assistant" as either synonymous with "digital assistant software" (Clippy, Siri, and whatever Google's is called) or PDA apps. So I'll just be over here, sulking in a corner, mumbling to myself.
What it does best: (Score:5, Insightful)
Act as a selling point for yet another piece of tech gewgaw.
Re:What it does best: (Score:0)
WTF is a gewgaw?
Re:What it does best: (Score:1)
WTF is a gewgaw?
That's exactly it. It's anything that, when you see it, makes you say "WTF".
Re:What it does best: (Score:0)
Hmmm, a word of unknown meaning. I wonder how we might unravel this conundrum...
Highlight "gewgaw"
Right click, select "search google for 'gewgaw'"
Yup first result is the dictionary definition...
Re:What it does best: (Score:2)
It's sort of like a doodad.
Re:What it does best: (Score:2)
It's sort of like a doodad.
I'd disagree - it's more like a doohickey.
Re:What it does best: (Score:0)
Don't forget about it's cousins the widget, thingamajig, and whaddayacallit.
Re:What it does best: (Score:2)
It's a thingamabob. A whatsis. A... you know, that thing over there. You just used it. c'mon, the thing. No, not that one. YES! THAT ONE!
Re:What it does best: (Score:2)
Re:What it does best: (Score:2)
It's sort of like a doodad.
I'd disagree - it's more like a doohickey.
I'd call it a thingie - this is best done with a Scottish accent though.
Re:What it does best: (Score:3)
WTF is a gewgaw?
Don't you have a virtual assistant you could ask?
Reminds me... (Score:1)
Re:Reminds me... (Score:1)
Emergency Medical Hologram Mark I (Score:3)
The Doctor: I've even had sexual relations.
EMH Mark II: Sex?! But how is that possible?! We're not equipped-
The Doctor: Let's just say I made an addition to my program.
EMH Mark II: Before you leave... perhaps you could download those sub-routines into my database?
Re:Emergency Medical Hologram Mark I (Score:3)
Re:Emergency Medical Hologram Mark I (Score:1)
Well, yes.
But then again, in Farscape even the ship had sex.
Re:Emergency Medical Hologram Mark I (Score:2)
You must have misread the context, Sir.
The good 'ol Doc Mark II wants to *download* a patch *into* his database, i.e. acquiring data locally from an external source. From this perspective, the Doc Mark I would be the one doing the *uploading*.
Similarly, this is how _you_ *downloaded* that bestial porn *into* your computer *from* the webs: external -> local. ;-P
Cowboy Neal (Score:5, Funny)
Hadn't seen the good old Cowboy for a while, but now he's back!
Thank you, Virtual Assistant!
Re:Cowboy Neal (Score:2)
I was going to vote for "reminding stuff", but when I saw a cowboy neal option, I decided to celebrate instead!
Re:Cowboy Neal (Score:2)
Although for the CowboyNeil option, there should be an app for that, one that detects gravity waves.
What's the difference... (Score:0)
...between the first and last choice?
Drain my phone's battery (Score:5, Insightful)
my Oblig. "My Answer Not Present"...
Drains the crap out of my phone's battery.
I've made the mistake of using Siri the other day and must not have exited properly - the phone got really hot and used up its entire battery... this is not the firs time that's happened.
Maybe the "derp" is mine, but it made this the first option thought of.
Soylent Green. (Score:1)
Digital Assistant != Virtual Assistant.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_assistant [wikipedia.org]
Re:Soylent Green. (Score:1)
Re:Soylent Green. (Score:2)
<sigh> Don't bother, apparently no one else is using the actual definition of Virtual Assistant, so everyone is voting as you did anyway.
Re:Soylent Green. (Score:2)
I suspect the poll creator was thinking Digital Assistant. Half those options don't make sense when thinking the literal meaning of virtual assistant.
And thanks for reminding my of one of my favorite jokes.
Re:Soylent Green. (Score:2)
Digital Assistant != Virtual Assistant.
From the context it's pretty obvious the question is about digital personal assistants.
False assumtion: It does *nothing* "good”. (Score:0)
The question is a bit like "What is the construction job that a fire does best?"
Yes, you could, purely technically, call burning down a form of construction. But you'd be pretty weird to think that's a good form of construction.
The problem with "virtual assistants" is, that they are always programmed, to ask the user as little as possible, so never getting to know his preferences, yet assume knowing a lot more about him, than can be assumed. This results in treating the user like a retard, introducing lots of errors and slowing/dumbing him down. A good example is auto-correct. Whether it is on iOS (lots of funny "correction" failures), or in Google's search (making it impossible to search for a specific word, because Google searches for all words with a vaguely similar meaning). And MS Clippy of course.
No thanks. I'm no fan of golden cages, or drooling on the floor because of having become a complete retard.
Re:False assumtion: It does *nothing* "good” (Score:3, Insightful)
Perhaps smelting iron ore into steel?
Re:False assumtion: It does *nothing* "good” (Score:3)
Missing Option (Score:2)
Soylent Green (Score:1)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_assistant [wikipedia.org]
The program on your phone is not a virtual assistant.
Re:Soylent Green (Score:2)
Clippy, is that you? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Clippy, is that you? (Score:0)
You'd be surprised at what Clippy does in his free time...
Re:Clippy, is that you? (Score:1)
Pedantic: That would be alt.sex.bondage.spanking. (Don't ask)
Re:Clippy, is that you? (Score:5, Funny)
Mom? Is that you?
Re:Clippy, is that you? (Score:2)
No, it's his virtual assistant, which may or may not be depicting his mother.
Missing Option (Score:0)
Who's cooking? (Score:1)
Re:Who's cooking? (Score:0)
I think it refers to finding cooking recipes.
Re:Who's cooking? (Score:0)
Recipes for cooking crack? Alright, that's what I'm talking about! Let's get an RV and drive to the middle of the desert!
Wildfire....I'm depressed (Score:2)
Damn it would be nice if someone got the reference.
What's a Virtual Assistant? (Score:0)
What's a virtual assistant? You mean Siri? That unhelpful bitch never understands me and always tries to waste my time offering to search Google for me. But, even her Google foo sucks!
My missing poll option would be:
Pisses me off!
Virtual jobs (Score:1)
A virtual assistant is only any good at doing virtual jobs of any.. err.. wait, that came out wrong.
Virtual Assistant meaning "calendar"? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Virtual Assistant meaning "calendar"? (Score:2)
Add to that my favorite feature of Google Now: If I put the location of my appointments on my calendar entries, it keeps track of traffic conditions and pops up a reminder about 15 minutes before I have to leave in order to arrive on time based on projected conditions. It's a small thing -- unless I'm in a strange city I'm perfectly capable of estimating travel time myself -- but it's surprisingly freeing not to have to bother. I just keep my calendar up to date and my phone lets me know when I need to leave, and then tells me how to get there.
Re:Virtual Assistant meaning "calendar"? (Score:2)
I felt Virtual Assistant meant "Whatever anthropomorphic character they've come up with to make a piece of software quasi-act like a humanoid - usually a very stupid one - instead of providing a powerful and informative technical interface." Like Clippy, the Windows search dog and so on. And Siri, which as virtual assistants go is probably the least useless one. My office calendar I wouldn't call a virtual assistant.
Now, if you replace that message box with a lame animal popping up with a speech bubble saying "Hi, [animal name] here. I just wanted to remind you that you have a meeting about [subject] starting in 15 minutes at [location]. Do you want me to [Open the meeting] for you? Should I give you more reminders [In 5 minutes] [No thanks]" then it's been given the VA treatment.
I dont care... (Score:1)
If that all fails, I look it up via ixquick, ask it on a forum or usenet.
So that pretty much covers it I gues...
Although I didn't find any traces of Cowboy Neal on my box I'm afraid. Maybe I SHOULD get a v.a.
Re:I dont care... (Score:1)
Re:I dont care... (Score:1)
Re:I dont care... (Score:2)
He's been your assistant for 3 weeks, he's just that good.
Demitri Martin (Score:3, Funny)
uninspired selections (Score:1)
A real virtual assistant would do cool stuff like take calls for me and fight battles, like in Mega Man Battle Network 2.
annoy the hell out of me by acting erratically (Score:2)
Re:annoy the hell out of me by acting erratically (Score:3)
When sitting in a Starbucks, I asked her where the nearest coffee shop was. She came up with a donut place 5 miles away.
Siri is surprisingly perceptive.
Re:annoy the hell out of me by acting erratically (Score:2)
I was wondering what behavior the parent would really want. I don't know if there is any actual logic in Siri to deal with this sort of case but the outcome seems to be desirable.
Would you want the computer to assume you are moron and reply with some snarky comment like "you're standing in one?" or would you rather it assume you know that and have a reason for wanting go to another coffee shop and get on about answering your question?
The point of tool is to be useful, most people know what sort of establishment they are in. Odds are if I am asking how to go to the same sort of place I am already at there is a reason, they don't sell what I want, there is a line out the door, etc. As a general rule for any *nondestructive* action software should assume the users intent is consistent with their action; in fact for destructive operations it should still do that and simply ask for confirmation.
My virtual assistant manages virtual whirled peas (Score:1)
I have the best virtual assistant.
S/he manages virtual whirled peas.
Missing option (Score:0)
"Fucks off"
I'm serious, this is not a troll. Most of these are some glorification or bastardization of Clippy. Take Siri for example. I don't use it anymore as it can't seem to go three requests in a row without fucking it up. And as another poster mentioned these things all drain battery life
My vote: Trivia (Score:2)
Wikipedia is slightly better at "Helps win trivia games" than Google Maps is at "Gives directions".
You have been trolled! (Score:0)
Wow, Slashdot really is corporate. Not that it was perfect before (nuance is _so_ hard). This is straight-up market research--usually there would be plenty of comments noting this.
WTF is a "virtual assistant?" (Score:2)
Someone must be pretty stupid to need an assistant for looking up directions, finding a place to eat, helping with trivia games, or reading a recipe. Advice from Eliza??? Faux human contact is certainly a marketing opportunity for those
Re:WTF is a "virtual assistant?" (Score:2)
A "virtual assistant" can only be a non-sentient form of an assistant.
I see where you're going, but this statement is wrong. If I created a perfect virtual replica of your mind and ran the simulation forward, your virtual mind would be Actually Sentient. This is why we use the term Machine Intelligence instead of Artificial Intelligence, because although the neural network is artificial, it's intelligence is not any more artificial than your own. Also, there was no option for: Anything your secretary could do, but cheaper.
You may find it interesting that I have a server rack hosting a fractally designed neural network -- It can "shard" itself when it needs more computation power, or add more "hidden" layers of complexity while running. This allows me to evolve the neural network in new and interesting ways. For instance, the n.net can learn new capabilities and responses without having to retrain the entire network. It's essentially a hive mind whereby multiple subsets of itself compete and evolve via natural selection.
I feed this neural network all of my browsing and computer usage habits, as well as screenshots of what I'm doing. I've independently taught it ORC, and it spiders the Internet based on my interests, and reads web pages with it's digital eyes as a human would (in addition to the 'view source' level). It's gotten pretty good at suggesting sites to visit that I may like, depending on time of day usage habits -- It naturally evolved the feature merely by me rating each suggestion on a scale from +2 to -2 [1 to 5 for those who don't believe in negative numbers]. Last year I connected a Kinect to the neural network and began feeding it video 24/7 (it can see in the dark). When I'm seen drinking coffee it suggests news sites, like Slashdot -- Indeed, I arrived on this site after clicking it's suggestion:
Slashdot.org? +2 [+1] 0 -1 -2 -- 'Air Force seeks Cyber Weapons'
The emboldened words are words it weights more heavily based on their appearance in other pages I frequently visit -- I gave it a +1 because I'm only mildly interested in that article.
The Neural Network also seems to recognize Tea, Cola, Beer -- Giving me Funny Youtube videos and thedailywtf.com when I'm having a brew. I'm not sure exactly how it came to associate the drinks, but I suspect it's because I drink them differently -- Coffee doesn't have a plate under it like tea, and those are sipped whereas a beer is turned up further and is typically in a bottle, and cola is drank in times of day that beer is not... I can't wait to see what will come of the audio feed once I get the new server to handle the additional load.
I can easily use some news aggregation program to show me the feeds from all the news sources I want without using my own virtual assistant; However, a RSS reader doesn't filter stories based on what I'm in the mood for or what I actually like. Furthermore, I would much rather trust an in-house neural network that lives with me rather than one who works for an advertising agency to provide similar features -- Adverts would certainly skew results somewhat. Also it suggests sites I've never been to before based on what I might like, and stops referring me to places I don't go to anymore. I don't necessarily want Google knowing what porn I like, but my neural network? Sure! Why not? It doesn't divulge my data to anyone but me.
As for directions? My neural network is far more contextual: It only offers me directions as a suggestion if it sees that I'm going somewhere I'm not (we're not) familiar with. Not only recipe advice, but food with ingredients I like, and without ingredients that I despise. It offers soothing music and imagery when I visit the PHP documentation site... Because, even though I visit the pages often when I maintain PHP code, I FUCKING HATE PHP, and my virtual assistant knows that...
As the cost of computation comes down and virtual assistants become more powerful who knows what use c
Re:WTF is a "virtual assistant?" (Score:2)
That was a great movie. You're welcome.
How about... (Score:1)
Tells you about all the stores on the Citadel.... Or kill you with giant machines so you don't get killed by giant machines :)
Jarvis (Score:1)
Was I the only one who thought of Jarvis, the computer assistant from Iron Man?
That would *ROCK*
Re:Jarvis (Score:2)
Yes, yes it would. The world would change a lot when you can state an idea and the computer can do all the details to make it a working device.
Missing option... (Score:2)
I don't need a damn virtual assistant! Now get off my lawn!
The obvious (Score:4, Funny)
I can't tell you that, Dave.
Hal, er, mark
missing option: (Score:2)
Impress friends
Unwanted (Score:4, Informative)
Some clarification needed... (Score:4, Informative)
Reschedules the afternoon clown (Score:2)
Because I have more important things to do than clap my hands and laugh.
Re:Reschedules the afternoon clown (Score:2)
so it was. you win 600 quatloos.
Reminders + Directions + Whatever-isrelevant (Score:1)
We have always had tools that can do each task well - INDIVIDUALLY. The value-add of these virtual assistants (and I presume we are talking about Siri, Google Now, and their breed) is that they are able to merge the different information together and help us manage the immediate tasks on hand.
If my morning commute is likely to be congested, it will warn me.
If it detects me lingering very near a wireless AP next to a box office, it can prompt me with some promotions to save a couple of bucks.
If I haven't contacted someone in my "VIP" list on their birthday, it can help me ensure that I stay in the good books.
But of course, it can also stab me in the back and send my data to hackers in Elbonia who will use my picture on "stop your balding" advertisements.
Excuse me while I go find an army of data werewolves on LinkedIn.
Setting the alarm in the dark (Score:2)
The only thing I use mine for is setting the alarm clock after I have gone to bed without bathing my eyeballs in light and waking myself up again.
Bob.
Virtual Assistants Just Don't Replace Coleman (Score:1)
A virtual assistant simply isn't an acceptable substitute for a real one. Once you have a good PA, it is very difficult to imagine life without them. They do all those stupid little things you don't want to waste your time on and can still manage to keep a schedule for you.
I have two full-time assistants at work (how else do I have time to post on slashdot), and a personal assistant who works half time at home. Not having to do mundane tasks every day leaves me a lot more time for more productive work, and more enjoyment of time off at home.
They're well worth the money, and if you live in a college town, you can usually find a student who can work flexible hours and will do it for not much money.
Missing the riff option. (Score:1)
Re:Missing Option (Score:1)
Personally I'd have prefered the option :-
Fuck All