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Are You Prepared For the Zombie Apocalypse?

Displaying poll results.
I have a partially written document (somewhere)
  2527 votes / 8%
Hard copies of my zombie attack plan are in the fire safe
  1375 votes / 4%
I already live in a fortified bunker with food and weapons
  4126 votes / 13%
I am completely unprepared for this fictional event
  12253 votes / 41%
I am a zombie, you insensitive clod!
  3092 votes / 10%
I want to eat CowboyNeal
  1650 votes / 5%
I don't believe in zombies
  4576 votes / 15%
29599 total votes.
[ Voting Booth | Other Polls | Back Home ]
  • Don't complain about lack of options. You've got to pick a few when you do multiple choice. Those are the breaks.
  • Feel free to suggest poll ideas if you're feeling creative. I'd strongly suggest reading the past polls first.
  • This whole thing is wildly inaccurate. Rounding errors, ballot stuffers, dynamic IPs, firewalls. If you're using these numbers to do anything important, you're insane.
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Are You Prepared For the Zombie Apocalypse?

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  • Missing option... (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Maquis196 (535256) on Monday October 17, 2011 @07:42AM (#37737584)

    Why would you want to be? If civilization falls around you and you're spending the rest of your short life on the run, in fear, not much hope of a future (only a few zombie books have animals eventually becoming zombies) then why not just burn in the fire?

    Everytime I play Fallout I ask myself if I would seriously want to survive a nuclear winter, how would zombie horde be much difference?

    • There are many different situations. I suspect people who say they would enjoy this kind of thing see the zombie apocalypse as something like what is depicted in Zombieland, basically a guilt-free kill-fest, in between stealing fancy cars and looting stores.
    • by vlm (69642)

      in fear, not much hope of a future

      Isn't this basically the inevitable outcome, zombies or no, unless you're in the 1%?

    • Maybe you'd make it? Maybe you'd make a difference on the way? Who knows.

      It's not the big names in the history books which made us big and what we are were those which just survived against all odds.

  • by dkleinsc (563838) on Monday October 17, 2011 @07:44AM (#37737618) Homepage

    So I really don't prepare for attack by zombie, space alien, terrorist (you're more likely to be killed by a household appliance), or even bears. Instead, I worry about things that are much more likely to kill me, like drunk drivers.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      -1, Downer

      I don't think joking about zombie attacks mitigates real world threats, but you just had to use any chance available to get in a quick jab, didn't you.

    • by itsdapead (734413)

      So I really don't prepare for attack by zombie, space alien, terrorist (you're more likely to be killed by a household appliance), or even bears. Instead, I worry about things that are much more likely to kill me, like drunk drivers.

      You're so going to get eaten alive in the second reel... right after the two kids having underage sex and the stoner.

      • Are you kidding? The hard-nosed realist either survives, or is the last to die, sacrificing himself so that the Final Girl has a fighting chance to escape.

    • by Kjella (173770)

      While I'd run for my life in a life or death situation, I don't generally fear dying. Friends and family would mourn but the world would go on and I'd be dead, so I won't care. Horror scenarios to me isn't being killed by a drunk driver, it's being horribly maimed with lots of pain, suffering and permanent disability. But I think that people that go through life worrying about everything lose in the end, because death catches up to all of us. Don't be too reckless, have insurance if disaster strikes and oth

    • by DarthVain (724186)

      In that case you should really just concentrate on Cancer, Heart conditions, and Stroke, as those probably get 80% of us in the end anyway.

    • Yes, but preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse is a sort of fun way to think about it while making sure that you have the necessary supplies to survive most types of disasters.
      At least this is how I think about it.
  • as it is the most fitting response. However, in the event of this fictional situation (or more realistically, some other situation of socio-political unrest) I would not be completely unprepared. I do have a small stockpile of survival equipment, pathfinding gear, camping kit, tools and weapons.
    • Likewise, while the idea of a zombie apocalypse is silly, there are plenty of perfectly natural disasters that could severely inconvenience me for quite a while before the government gets its ass in gear. I have a couple of water filters, some lifeboat food packs, emergency blankets, medical supplies, that sort of thing, packed into a small bag.

  • There's enough real scary stuff in the world to worry about, that this one's a big no-op for me. Who really cares? Although I think zombies make an apt metaphor for the spiritually undead--those people who are dead inside and seem to roam the earth making sure everyone else is just as dead as they are.
  • by Xugumad (39311) on Monday October 17, 2011 @07:56AM (#37737738)

    I work next to cadaver delivery & storage for a medical science building, and am therefore basically doomed in case of zombies.

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward

      Don't think of it as being "doomed", think of it as a quick, if involuntary, conversion to the winning side.

      (captcha: "screams". heh.)

    • by anyGould (1295481)
      On the plus side, you'll be the first to know when it happens!
      • by Xugumad (39311)

        In retrospect, realising that zombies are primarily dangerous when roaming in large groups. I'm not about to enquire exactly how many cadavers are on-hand at any point in time, but suspect it's no more than a dozen or so. There's a good chance I can be running by the time they're getting out of the room, and haven't infected many yet...

        Not that I'm planning this at all...

  • ...some twinkies, I am ok! Also thanks USA for the rednecks!
  • If you go by the metaphysics in "The Walking Dead" the zombies aren't really zombies, they are people who died, decomposed for a few hours and whose vital signs came back. They are subject to biological laws.

    All you have to do is wait about ten days for the "dead" to die of dehydration ( the seem to be dumb to turn on a faucet, assuming the power plants are still operating and water is still flowing ) or about two months until they all starve to death.

    In the meantime you go find some island ( I'm assumin

  • by nku (982751) on Monday October 17, 2011 @08:27AM (#37738078) Homepage

    Long time no see, friend!

    • CN gets my vote, even though I have no zombie aspirations!

    • by Iskender (1040286)

      Seeing the option I became so happy that I poured hot grits down my pants without thinking.

    • by notnAP (846325)

      Indeed! Great to see the return of the CN option. I very nearly voted it. But then the understanding of the actual choice's words overrode the joy of the presence of the words Cowboy Neal within them, and I shivered and backed slowly away from the mouse. Even Zombies take a pass on Cowboy Neal Brain.

  • The plan is in the safe, right alongside the Hornady Zombie MAX .45 ACP ammo... m
  • First and foremost, zombies seek and desire brains.

    Just by this fact alone makes me completely safe from a zombie invasion.

  • Hard copies of my zombie attack plan are in the fire safe.

    Ha! I know, I'll keep my brains in the fire safe, and just carry a decoy zombie attack brain with a few low-denomination neurons and an expired cortex or two to hand over to any marauding undead.

    Oh, wait, I already did. Dur.... where key to fire safe?

  • I'm in a Cold War era building with no windows, a big diesel generator, a stash of hurricane supplies in a steel cage inside of another steel cage. There's lots of security to thin the oncoming hoard that gets through the fence and act as fodder. If I'm not at work when the outbreak occurs I'm getting here as quick as I can and barricading myself in until the first wave dies down, then I'm hopping in the hurricane rescue truck when it comes time to leave. (we may have a swat wagon somewhere on site, if I

    • by pecosdave (536896) *

      Failing that I'm heading to an island in the gulf and living off of seafood. I might just make sure Galveston is secure and blow the bridge.

  • My city has the original Hudson's Bay fort still intact in the river valley. It's a tourist attraction, but everything is maintained to 1880's standards, with no extra doors or windows cut in. Swing those big 20' wood log doors shut, and you've got yourself an instant fortress. Farmland just outside (and room enough to garden inside), plenty of living space, and easy access to the river. And it's only about 15 minutes from my house.

    So, my plan is - grab the family, grab all the camping gear and food the car

  • A friend and I would sometimes discuss the whole "zombie apocalypse" thing from time to time, and since both of us have seen a number of zombie flicks and played zombie games and such, the conclusion we came to is that it all depends on what type of zombies we're dealing with.

    Are they mindless automatons, incapable of working together or forming even rudimentary plans? Or, do they still retain their cognitive abilities? Are they stiff and slow moving, or can they run, jump, and still have reflexes?

  • Not yet.

    However, I hope buy a house outside the city some time next year, and when I have my own house I *will* build an underground bunker (my girlfriend thinks I'm joking) that can be used for - among other things - hiding from zombies. I just hope that the zombie apocalypse or World War 3 or the next (real) Black Death-grade pandemic doesn't start until I'm finished.

    And if nothing happens, well, then I'll have a perfect data dungeon!
    • by vlm (69642)

      I *will* build an underground bunker (my girlfriend thinks I'm joking) that can be used for - among other things - hiding from

      tornados? Where I live its a very realistic concern, I can think of three little villages within 20 miles that have gotten hit within the past decade. I suppose if you live in Arizona its not a realistic concern? Smashed a outdoor "living history" museum, smashed a warehouse nearby my kid's doctor about 20 minutes after we left his appointment, and blew away most of a small farm village 15 miles SE of my home.

      I would strongly advise placing your home servers in the basement bunker, because its naturally

  • by Darth_brooks (180756) <> on Monday October 17, 2011 @10:58AM (#37740126) Homepage

    Whenever discussions of the inevitable zombiepocalypse start up, folks always talk about how prepared they are, which is the on-ramp to the much more boring conversation about what guns they own. Don't get me wrong, guns are great. I don't own one, but appreciate the right to own one (even if it think the wording / logic (in Jefferson's time, everyone would have been in a militia, ergo the 2nd amendment is clear.) could be a little more clear and concrete). But there's a handful of problems with guns in terms of disaster preparedness tools:

    -You can't eat them.
    -You can't drink them.
    -They can't power your well, sump pump, freezer, or furnace
    -A gun doesn't do a very good job of providing you information about the weather, news updates from the CDC, or other emergency management information.
    -1000 rounds of ammunition == approximately 1000 dead zombies +/- your accuracy. This becomes a problem when the zombie population goes > 1000 zombies. A delta of zombies is a bad thing.
    -Guns cannot process large game into juicy delicious steaks all by themselves.

    (and before you say "a gun can get you all of those things" it can't. It takes a person willing to carry that gun across the street to their neighbor's house and blow that guy's brains out to get those things. Internet tough-guying aside, a human has to make that choice. i would wager, for most of us decent human beings, it's far easier to use a gun to keep someone from taking what you have when it's all that's keeping you alive, than it is to flip the switch in your mind and go take that stuff from someone else. YMMV.)

    The current zombie fascination brings to light a really good set of ideas. The topic forces you to think about how prepared you are in the event of a disaster, but too often you get sidetracked into "Me, a six pack, a tall building, a Barret .50 cal, and a big box of ammo" games. No matter where you live (Midwestern-US centric poster here, but the generic ideas apply world wide), you should be able to plan for life with "help" for between 72 hours to as long as 14 days, or longer.

    You can use zombies as the driving force in the thought exercise, but think critically. If you're snowed in for two weeks, what do you need? Food, water, heat. What if there's no running water? No electricity? Run the game out even longer in your mind. Say you've got kerosene lamps for light and a little warmth, what happens if one gets knocked over? Do you have a fire extinguisher? Is it current and charged? When was the last time you started your generator? Do you have enough insulin on hand? Thoughts like that may end up doing you far more good one day than thinking "We'll head to the Winchester!"

    • by Nadaka (224565)

      I have 2 weeks of food and water, chainsaw, machete and axe, its a necessity when you live in a hurricane zone. I do not have an adequate supply of fuel or ammo though. I can fix the ammo problem, but don't have a good way to store fuel in my apartment.

      • Switch to a fuel you can store safely, ie, lanterns and stoves that burn wood, alcohol, esbits, candles... That won't help power your chainsaw of course, so you'd better be handy with that machete and axe.
    • by Lord Kano (13027) on Monday October 17, 2011 @11:43PM (#37746970) Homepage Journal

      Don't get me wrong, guns are great. I don't own one, but appreciate the right to own one (even if it think the wording / logic (in Jefferson's time, everyone would have been in a militia, ergo the 2nd amendment is clear.) could be a little more clear and concrete)

      I hear this all of the time from people who have some information about the topic. Let me show you something.


      • 311. Militia: composition and classes
        (a) The militia of the United States consists of all able-bodied males at least 17 years of age and, except as provided in section 313 of title 32, under 45 years of age who are, or who have made a declaration of intention to become, citizens of the United States and of female citizens of the United States who are members of the National Guard.
        (b) The classes of the militia are—
        (1) the organized militia, which consists of the National Guard and the Naval Militia; and
        (2) the unorganized militia, which consists of the members of the militia who are not members of the National Guard or the Naval Militia.

      This is not some obscure 18th century codex, it's the law of the land as of right now. The individual right to keep and bear arms is crystal clear. The people who pretend otherwise have an agenda of disarmament.

      i would wager, for most of us decent human beings, it's far easier to use a gun to keep someone from taking what you have when it's all that's keeping you alive, than it is to flip the switch in your mind and go take that stuff from someone else.

      Never, and I do mean NEVER underestimate what people will do when their children are crying out in hunger. If it meant the difference between my children eating or starting to death, I'd waylay unsuspecting travelers all day night long. Most other parents would do so as well.


      • by zzsmirkzz (974536)

        even if it think the wording / logic (in Jefferson's time, everyone would have been in a militia, ergo the 2nd amendment is clear.)

        People say this a lot and it makes me question the average person's reading comprehension skills. The amendment is not vague, it is not unclear - it says exactly what they meant it to say. It is my belief that anyone who tries to instill doubt about the intentions/clearness of this amendment is selling something, and it's something no one should want to buy. Here is the text, emphasis mine to highlight how clear and unambiguous it really is:

        A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

        Reading Comprehension Breakdown:

        1) It is very clear that they want

  • Really, zombies are the new [insert fad of the year here]. Don't we realize by now that one of the prime reason zombies are so popular right now is that they give us an opportunity to shoot, kill, maim human beings in our games and movies with a thin layer of "but they're not really humans" so we don't have to deal with all this complicated moral issues?

    Really, I'd like to have a bit more of the complicated moral issues and less of the horrible pseudo-science-made-up-nonsense.

    For everything else:
    http://www. []

    • by rwa2 (4391) *

      Ha, reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother-in-law Re: L4D :

      "ah, so they don't look like humans, so it's OK to shoot them"

      "actually, the more I play, the more I see how normal humans act like zombies"

      good times.

  • by Khopesh (112447) on Monday October 17, 2011 @11:34AM (#37740680) Homepage Journal
    Real-world zombies tend to be easily thwarted with caffeine.
  • I mean, in reality, as opposed to video games, zombies shamble, they don't run, they smell bad, and are not exactly bright (and, unlike a book I recently bought for entertainment value, but gave up on in on in a chapter or two, as the lead character, a hot chick zombie, was all about expensive designer fashion... I kid you not), and anyone who knows anything about zombies knows that my pound box of kosher salt is all I need to handle a number of them, and a few more boxes, and I can stop a brigade....

  • I am prepared for hunting which seems to have a fair amount of overlap but nothing specific to the zombie apocalypse. I have the shotgun and 2 rifles and a fair amount of camping and outdoor gear. I probably have more ammo than I need as I bough a couple of large boxes of mil surplus ammo a year ago (1200+ rounds per wooden box) for target practice as they were a really good deal at $50 each. Why waste the good expensive hunting rounds on empty cans.
  • But my neighbor works for the local health department, and they use the phrase 'zombie apocalypse' to describe any sort of large-scale problem with panic. (pandemic flu, MRSA, swine flu concerns, etc.). They even have plans for how to best prepare mass graves (including information on compaction), etc.

    And even with all that, I'm not as well prepared as I could be, as I don't have sufficient water to survive for a week, or cooking and alternative heating fuel.

  • One option was shamelessly stolen from the 2012 apocalypse poll:

    I am completely unprepared for this fictional event

    I think the zombie apocalypse is far more likely than any mayan calendar end of the universe 2012 scenario.

  • If you meant the zombie-apocalypse where zombie-computers take down the internet then I choose

    H) Woefully unprepared

    For the undead kind I'm primarily enlightened by World War Z

  • by iamhassi (659463) on Monday October 17, 2011 @06:15PM (#37745106) Journal
    I can't believe no one has posted this yet: 7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly) []

    1) Too Many Natural Predators, including insects that would render rotting flesh useless pretty quickly.

    2) Zombies don't like hot weather: dead bodies bloat within weeks due to stomach gases and start exploding, and in extreme heat they would shrivel like raisins.

    3) Zombies don't like cold weather: frozen meat becomes rigid

    4) Biting isn't a good way to spread disease: rabies turns animals into violent biting machines, but have you ever been bitten by a rabid dog? Probably not, and these are fast animals with teeth and claws, if rabies doesn't spread well then slow human zombies wouldn't do any better than fast dogs. And remember SARS or the bird flu? That's spread through the air and was difficult to determine who had it but we managed to stop those diseases, zombies would be much easier to identify.

    5) Zombies can't heal: every time a zombie fell or was injured they break bones and lose body parts without anyone there to patch them back up, and the human body is pretty weak, many household items could be used to easily kill a zombie like a shovel, bat, hammer, sledgehammer, 2x4, chainsaw, etc. If someone broke in your house to kill you right now what would you use to kill them with? Whatever comes to mind are your zombie weapons.

    6) Zombie-Proof Barriers (and zombies don't use tools): Go punch your front door. Ouch! Now kick it. Ouch again! So if you had to break in your door what would you use? Sledgehammer would probably work, but zombies don't use tools so something as simple as a door is enough to keep zombies out. Also anyone in a office building has all the furniture in the building to use to crush zombies with from the roof so any zombies in a city would be in for a world of hurt.

    7) We have a lot of guns: there are almost 15 million hunting licenses in the US [] and that doesn't count people with guns that don't need a hunting license like handguns or the military and the police. There are 300 million people in the US [] so even if the entire US was zombies except for the 15 million with hunting licenses each person would only need to kill 20 zombies. That doesn't sound too difficult.

    8) Zombies feed and reproduce with world's #1 predator: Imagine if every time you wanted to eat something or have sex you had to first kill someone but everyone knew you were coming? How long do you think you would last? Probably not very long, someone would kill you off or you would starve to death quickly, but that's the life of a zombie.

    So as you can see zombies are fun to talk about but it's impossible for a zombie outbreak to become reality so there's no need to prepare for a zombie apocalypse. Movies like Halloween [] and Scream [] with serial killers sneaking around and killing individuals is far more likely a scenario.
  • by JohnRoss1968 (574825) on Tuesday October 18, 2011 @09:28AM (#37749662)


  • by tsa (15680) on Tuesday October 18, 2011 @03:19PM (#37754184) Homepage

    A friend of mine has bought a crowbar at the hardware store to slay zombies with. You have to take care to buy one of the right size. Not too long; then it's too heavy to wield. And not too short because you want to stay away from those groping hands. We succeeded in buying the right one, and my friend is very happy with it. It works well, he says.

Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant. -- Malcolm Smith


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