Celebrate Your Next Birthday At the Microsoft Store 301
theodp writes "Chuck E. Cheese, meet Bill H. Gates. A leaked PowerPoint posted at Gizmodo provides a glimpse of what Microsoft's retail shops may look like, noting that you'll even be able to pay to celebrate your birthday there. Some of the stores that were profiled for ideas were Nike, Nokia, Sony, Apple, and AT&T. Microsoft's take on the Genius Bar is the Answers Bar (aka Guru Bar, Windows Bar)."
Will it be next to the furniture store? (Score:5, Funny)
'Cause I'd really like to throw a chair at a Google logo.
Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? (Score:5, Interesting)
1) ...and there was a breeze because all the windows crashed!
2) ...and I felt kinda blue, because of all the BSODs flashing!
3) ...and through the windows you could see a great Vista!
4) ...and at the bar you can order using the Start Menu!
5) ...and the place was entirely wet because of all the squirting!
6) ...and all of the employees were carrying Notepads!
7) ...and if you're tired you can take a nap, or sleep, or hibernate!
8) ...and the clerk didn't know what I meant, so he said "Bad command or file name"!
*sigh*
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Disgusting, isn't it?
Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? (Score:5, Funny)
Abort [ ] Retry [X] Fail [ ] - click, whirr, click, whirr, click, whirr
Abort [X] Retry [ ] Fail [ ] - click, whirr, click, whirr, click, whirr
What [ ] The [ ] Fuck [X]?
Those were the days - bring back floppies! Maybe there'e a Memory Lane section in the Microsoft Store . . .
Re:Will it be next to the furniture store? (Score:5, Funny)
"It appears you are trying to browse for Office software, would you like some help on purchasing Windows Seven?"
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Came here to say "does it have a stress-relief area where you can throw chairs around" but you beat me to it.
Instead I'll say, "Is it just me or do the 3D graphics in those slides look like they were done using a Google product?"
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I just want to bring a MacBook to their "Answer Bar" and ask "I can't seem to find the Windows key on this keyboard."
Why does it seem that the MS core business strategy is to copy whatever Apple is doing. It was the birth of Windows...and they continue to this day with "Aero" and "Sideboard". Then they broke out of just copying the OS and started pushing the Zune. Now they want to copy the stores too? I guess if anyone really wants to know what the next MS "innovation" will just look at what Apple is su
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Consider it a performance-art about Slashdot moderation and how easily it may be manipulated.
So if it's my birthday (Score:2)
Will i be able to bake my own copy of Windows there?
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No, however they do provide free lube.
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No, but you do get to choose between Windows Starter, Home Basic, Home Premium, Professional , Enterprise, Ultimate, Server Standard, Server Standard without Hyper-V, Enterprise Server, Enterprise Server without Hyper-v, Data Centre, Data Centre without Hyper-V, HPC Server, Foundation Server, Web Server, Small Business Server, Small Business Server Premium, Essential Business Server, Essential Business Server Premium, Embedded, Mobile or Smartphone.
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I thought they were going to be Metaminds. (Score:5, Funny)
Forged of eight Geniuses.
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/7/20/ [penny-arcade.com]
Bday! (Score:5, Funny)
"...noting that you'll even be able to pay to celebrate your birthday there."
Will it include, complementary, one or two members of the Vista dev team that decided to break the reasonably good UI in Windows XP? Or one of the Office guys that thought getting rid of menus would be a great idea?
Because then I'd pay to have my birthday party there.
Oh, yes.
Re:Bday! (Score:5, Funny)
Or one of the Office guys that thought getting rid of menus would be a great idea?
They'll be there.
They need someone to put the ribbon on the presents.
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They need someone to put the ribbon on the presents.
Unfortunately, the presents no longer open the way that they always have.
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They need someone to put the ribbon on the presents.
Unfortunately, the presents no longer open the way that they always have.
They do if you know the right tricks:
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=remove+ribbon+in+Gift+2009 [lmgtfy.com]
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Ah, a party with a pinata.
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Chuck E. Cheese (Score:2)
Personalization (Score:5, Insightful)
I don't really have any need to buy Microsoft products, but it's certainly interesting. It's new at least, and I think it has a shot at succeeding. Plus, having real people to talk to is a step towards making it easier to use a valid, purchased product than a pirated product, which is step 1 in fighting piracy (the real way).
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If its a sealed "Apple" like unit, I will wait and keep looking
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I think this is spot on.
If the Microsoft store concept, when fully realized, ends up mimicing the Apple store concept as much as some of the preliminary stuff makes it seem, I have to think that's going to end in failure. Yeah, you can push the 'cool factor' of things like the XBox, but Microsoft just doesn't have (and I don't think will ever have in the foreseeable future) the kind of cult-mindset cool factor that Apple has. I know guys who work retail in Apple stores and essentially are taking a huge pa
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I don't really have any need to buy Microsoft products
Problem is: Nobody does.
but it's certainly interesting.
And here is where it gets funny:
They will have everybody looking. But nobody buying. Wondering why.
"Why does our hipness not work? Aren't we so cool? What has Apple, what we don't have?"
It's of course, because they are just imitators instead of innovators. Which also happens to be exactly why they will not figure that one out.
Quite funny, isn't it? ^^
___
P.S.: Who wants to form a flash mob at their first store? (Tell all your friends.) We will gather shortly before closing time. Filli
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No, being dumb and rude is going into a shop with which you've had no prior business dealings and demand a refund on something they didn't sell to you, making a huge scene and then claiming it as some kind of exceptionally retarded protest. In the circumstances, I think they'd be quite justified in explaining to you it's none of their business.
(But it still would be fun to have a bunch of people pulling this off a few times a day, just to piss off MS!)
"A few times a day"? You grossly overestimate the number of idiots in the world who want to evangelise Linux in what is quite possibly the stupidest, most infantile way ever. It wouldn't even piss off Microsoft - it'd piss off the store clerks, Microsoft the corporation wouldn't know or care.
Uhhh...who is talking about 'making a huge scene'? I most certainly am not. You can go in with your windozed laptop (box unopened so no licence-terms to speak of yet), and ask *politely* something like: "Excuse me sir, I have bought this machine and it seems not to be possible to buy it without your OS on it. Would it be possible to get back the money I payed for it if you take back the software I do not plan to use?"
Not exactly what I would call making a scene. Maybe *you* would make a scene out of it (if
2 Things: (Score:5, Funny)
b) I wonder if they'd object if I stood outside and handed out Ubuntu CD's?
Re:2 Things: (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:2 Things: (Score:5, Funny)
Some customers will sneak in at night and have their birthday parties for free. Eye patches will be mandatory.
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b) I wonder if they'd object if I stood outside and handed out Ubuntu CD's?
I think they'll have enough of that without birthday parties. This whole thing sounds like a store with a big "Kick Me" sign. I think we'll see Microsoft Security improve fast.
Re:2 Things: (Score:5, Interesting)
Right...because the only reason Linux hasn't replaced Windows on most PCs, so far, is because Linux is so hard to get.
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No, it is partly because nobody knows about it. A lot of people think there is Windows and that is it, a few even know about Apple.
And anyway, this isn't about changing the world, it is more about pissing of Microsoft weenies such as yourself.
Re:2 Things: (Score:5, Insightful)
No, I'm pretty sure he'd do it simply because it'd be funny.
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they would probably invite you inside, then in front of everyone ask you to install it on a pc and ask you to demo some common tasks on it. when you fail miseribly with the sound and 3d video no working, you'll no doubt stammer something about it being the hardwares fault.
that or they might ask you to leave, and when you cause a scene they call the cops and we get the next "don't tase me bro".
Follow the Sony example (Score:2)
Last time I checked, the only Sony store I know of, across from the Moscone Center in San Francisco, closed. Can we persuade MS to take their lead?
-Charlie
But Sony has unique product line and user profile (Score:3, Insightful)
While Sony isn't very popular on slashdot for obvious reasons, they have some kind of rock solid customer base who keeps buying/upgrading their products.
Used (in fact, restored) a Sony Vaio high end laptop for 2 days, I ended up telling its owner "This thing tries to be Apple but the operating system (Windows) kills the experience". I mean they are really unique in terms of EFI etc.
MS is a general operating system vendor. There is no "Vista Air" to show there.
I can tell what they should stock. Input Devices
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The Microsoft birthday song (Score:5, Funny)
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear
PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA
Technical information: *** STOP: 0x00000050 (0x8872A990, 0x00000001, 0x804F35D7, 0x00000000)
*** ati3diag.dll - Address ED80AC55 base at ED88F000, Date Stamp 3dcb24d0
Re:The Microsoft birthday song (Score:4, Informative)
Funny, how you clearly pointed out that, as nearly all of the time with such errors, it's a driver problem. And even more fitting, that it's one from ATi. Known for their notoriously bad drivers in all of the game development scene, including Carmack.
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Funny, how you clearly pointed out that, as nearly all of the time with such errors, it's a driver problem. And even more fitting, that it's one from ATi. Known for their notoriously bad drivers in all of the game development scene, including Carmack.
Yet if someone says that Linux support suffers because of the hardware, he is apologetic. How fitfully ironic.
Re:The Microsoft birthday song (Score:4, Insightful)
It makes no difference at all to the customer if it's a driver problem, an app problem or a kernel programmer had a bad day.
They should have called it... (Score:5, Funny)
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Maybe they'll serve a nice shiraz [cobolhacker.com].
Serve Beer... (Score:5, Funny)
At least Chuck E. Cheese lets the parents get a pitcher to ease the pain of the entire experience.
Microsoft better do the same.
The Sadness that is Microsoft (Score:2, Insightful)
What's sad about Microsoft is that they've long stopped innovating... if they ever did.
The Microsoft Store is a ripoff of the Apple Store.
The Zune is a ripoff of the iPod (or a turd... I'm not sure).
Bing and Live before is a ripoff of Google.
They don't create anything any more. They just copy others and wonder why it doesn't work. (Indeed copying others and doing enough versions seemed to work for them. It just doesn't work any longer.)
Even Windows is a ripoff of Windows, and since XP that's been on a downw
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Even Windows is a ripoff of Windows...
Care to explain?
Re:The Sadness that is Microsoft (Score:4, Funny)
How to decide what to eat? (Score:2)
Normally to decide what to eat you would select stuff from a menu. Given the Vista and Windows 7 experience, will it be present but requiring you to do an easter hunt to find it?
Re:How to decide what to eat? (Score:4, Funny)
oh noes. (Score:5, Funny)
"I see that you're trying to celebrate a birthday. Would you like help with tha--aARAGGGHHH!"
Another satisfied customer discovers the joy of killing Clippy for his/her birthday.
Pathetic (Score:2)
Highly Imaginitive (Score:5, Insightful)
Dear God in heaven, have these guys *ever* had an original thought? I mean an original though that was good, of course.
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Yeah. Bill Gates had. Back in the early days. It was: Let's "take" the ideas of others, sell them "so good" that the inventors die, and get rich as hell.
And can you deny that it was one of the best business models anyone ever had? (When you look at his bank account.)
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Touche'.
Brett
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Dear God in heaven, have these guys *ever* had an original thought?
Yes [microsoft.com].
I mean an original though that was good, of course.
Oh. Er, not in some while. The office application suite was a pretty nifty idea, for example. Um... hrm... Active directory? I think that was original, and it was damned nice. There's been some other stuff, I'm sure, especially if you allow for somewhat trivial things, like Bing's video preview.*
*Which may not've been original; I dunno. But stuff like it, if it wasn't.
Man, did I miss the boat. (Score:5, Funny)
Clearly I was born two decades too early. I feel gypped. Today's kids have no idea how lucky they are.
And what exactly will they be selling? (Score:5, Interesting)
Windows 7? Office? and some mice/keyboards?
I don't understand the point? Is there any big product line I am missing, that people actually buy?
As far as I understand it, MS lives from big corporate mass-license sales for Windows and Office. And everything other is pretty much irrelevant.
Sounds to me like the Zune of stores. Something that really nobody cares about, because it's just a knockoff saying "I wanna be just as cool as Apple" (note the "wanna", which is not a "am", and the "just as" which is not a "more" :).
I wonder when Microsoft will stop imitating and start innovating. And I guess: Only when they are forced to. ;)
What are they selling? Culture! (Score:4, Insightful)
At the time, analysts pooh-poohed the idea of Apple's retail stores originally, too. The retail space was glutted with computers, Apple already had a relationship with CompUSA which was best described as "passive-aggressive," and Gateway's retail concept was defecating the bed. Opening a retail store was the silliest thing they could have done, except it worked for them. They weren't just marketing hardware and software, what they were doing was cashing in on the brand's exclusivity, by creating a boutique space where people could interact with the hardware and ask questions about it.
The problem with Microsoft's concept is that they don't have the same culture to sell. Apple has a niche (albeit a very deep niche) market which supports the notion of exclusiveness (which anyone can conveniently buy into). Microsoft doesn't have that kind of exclusiveness (unless you're talking about excluding people who are using previous versions of their OS on older hardware). What Microsoft will instead find they're selling is ubiquity, and not even a nice sort of ubiquity either. It's more of a fetid, horrid inevitability, not so much like death as spending the holiday with in-laws.
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There's a difference in trends. Analysts derided Apple's retail stores originally, too, but so did they for the iPod, iPhone, MacBook, iTunes Music Store, and other Apple products or services, which eventually grew to be exactly what the market wanted and very popular indeed.
Microsoft, on the other hand, has been praised effusively by analysts every time they come up with a new product or service, or enter a new market to which they are not familiar; be it their Zune, Table PCs, Songsmith, Plays4Shure, the
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I'm not sure MS would want to do this, you understand, but there's nothing really stopping them from offering "Geek Squad" paid services.
If Best Buy can service Dells, HPs, and Acers, MS ought to be able to hire the same kind of techs to do those services. Could be some decent revenue in it too, charging you extra to clean your machine of the viruses and other malware Windows let take up residence.
Sort of like charging you extra for MS AV/Firewall software that it shouldn't need in the first place...
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And how long do you think that would go on before somebody charged them with creating security holes that only their own techs could plug?
I don't know about anybody else, but the first thing that crossed my mind when I read your post was "conflict of interest."
Re:And what exactly will they be selling? (Score:5, Insightful)
What problem is MS trying to solve? The lack of coolness. As the old IBM showed so well, there is no profit to being cool on the back end. Just efficient. Unlike Apple, any MS store will compete with the other retail outlets. The best thing to have such stores will be xBox items and the like, which will compete with other stores. Perhaps they will have computers there as well, but how to choose the makes and models. Seems like if they have Compaq and HP, then everyone else will file a suite.
Honestly, it seems like it wold be better to offer any retailer the ability to build a MS support center in existing retail space. Like the current I'm a PC commercials, the entire venture seems to be desperate money spent for no apparent reason. Make the OS work. Lower prices. Get out the next xBox. This is what the people wnat.
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Well, the X-BOX is kind of cool...
So they're going to fill the space with unwashed thieving teens with hardly any money? Way to go making it cool and effective as retail space...
This has to be a joke (Score:2)
Microsoft is not stupid. They have absolutely no reason to make "stores". You can find Microsoft stuff at every single computer store in the world. Apple had to make stores to compete. Microsoft is PAID to get their produce put into those stores, they have no overhead or staff salarlies to expense.
Also if it does not sell computers then it hardly is competing with an Apple store. And if it does, some OEM's are going to be REALLY mad if they are not included. Though they could maybe have EVERY SINGLE OEM BRA
BSOD on wall screens... (Score:2)
I have to wonder how many of the wall screens will be displaying BSOD or some other fatal error at any one time. You see it often at airports. Even our NOC center master display is showing a "fatal error" box three or four times a week.
On the other hand, people may be so used to it, they may not even notice.
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Wow, do you read what you're responding to? My work and home PCs do pretty well -- I only have to reboot them about twice a week. But although they are used heavily, they're not what one would say in continuous use -- those dynamic billboards are, and there are a lot of them, so the law of averages tends to catch up. Note the BSOD during the China Olympics, or just look around at an airport.
Mid-Life Crisis? (Score:2, Insightful)
I remember Gateway stores... (Score:2, Funny)
Didn't they go bankrupt very soon, within just a few years of opening all those stores?
Rofl. MS is on the way out, eh?
Birthday party idea may not be ridiculous (Score:5, Interesting)
When I was a kid, a party at Chuck E Cheese was like an orgy of endless video games. Today, they have a handful of old arcade cabinets and some carnival games for crappy prizes. I've been dragged there for a few birthday parties with my kids. While the 5-8 year-olds have a great time with the ball-pits and singing robots, the teens and pre-teens look like they're in hell.
A room full of 360s with wall-sized displays and high-end audio, Madden and Halo competitions for games and accessories, all you can eat pizza; it sounds like a dream come true for tween boys. Your kid could fill out a wish list of games for gifts and grab bags would have credits for the Live store. It sounds like a great idea to me.
Better than some other stores... (Score:5, Funny)
Gentoo Linux Store party - You arrive at the site where the store should be, and get handed a box of tools and building materials. You miss your party and spend the next year building the store by hand with your party guests, only to find out you don't have compatible windows, doors, or toilets. The store staff assures you these are under development and should be buildable by your next birthday party.
OpenBSD Store party - You drive to the store, and security doesn't let you in.
Ubuntu Linux Store party - You arrive and are welcomed by lavishly decorated and friendly African tribesmen. The staff of the Debian store across the street glares the entire time, disgustedly.
ReactOS Store party - It looks similar to the Microsoft Store party, but comes with all the "perks" of the GNU Store party.
Holy Apple Store Batman. (Score:2)
I don't think Microsoft has built them yet. But they sure look a HELL of a lot like Apple stores. Right down to the layout.
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"while MS users largely resent MS" Where the hell did you get this idea?
Re:Holy Apple Store Batman. (Score:4, Interesting)
A successful antitrust suit is a pretty good indication that people are not using a company's product though choice.
After the break-up of the Standard Oil trust, customers went right on buying from Rockefeller's regional operating companies.
He prospered. They prospered. The small independents faded out of the picture.
Re:Holy Apple Store Batman. (Score:4, Insightful)
A successful antitrust suit is a pretty good indication that people are not using a company's product though choice.
After the break-up of the Standard Oil trust, customers went right on buying from Rockefeller's regional operating companies.
He prospered. They prospered. The small independents faded out of the picture.
The fact that government intervention failed to have any impact on Standard Oil (or AT&T, or Microsoft) does not prove that they were not coercive monopolies. Only that government intervention was ineffective.
Sorta, but IMHO not exactly (Score:4, Insightful)
Well, I don't think that the average Windows user actually feels like an oppressed indentured servant, like he's portrayed around these parts.
I think for most people it's just utilitarian. It's what came with the computer, it's what works, now let me on teh intarwebs already.
Basically it's not as much about the presence of a negative conotation about MS, it's more like just the absence of a positive one. Having a Windows computer or hanging around a Windows store, just doesn't carry the same illusion of somehow being hip and cool. It's just a tool to an end.
Sorta like how nobody would hang around the Bosch power tools section of Home Depot, nor carry around an electric drill to look cool.
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I HAVE a PS3 and wouldn't replace my 360 with it.
Re:Linus was right (Score:4, Insightful)
Yes, Windows has market share going for them - but what else? If I could run everything I wanted to run on OSX (and on a machine that I could actually afford), I'd switch right away...
Sure, Linux netbooks were taken off the shelves in lieu of Windows-based machines - but not because the Windows experience is so great, but rather because the Linux experience was so awful. Sure, most of that's the hardware vendors' fault for not setting up their Linux distributions properly (missing drivers, etc. etc.), but all the average consumer knows is that the Windows version of the same laptop works out of the box...
But working out of the box isn't enough - that's just a prerequisite. A good operating system needs to do a lot more...
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But a Microsoft store? Give me a break. MS has always been a geek company, period. They're software is complex, relative to Apple and they're brand is more power and flexibility driven more than Apple's simplicity and style driven brand. Outs
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So you're saying the store should be bloated in size and the checkout lines slow?
Re:Microsoft has retail stores? (Score:5, Funny)
There will be a progress indicator at the checkout, but it will vary wildly between 10 seconds and 10^23 years remaining. You'll also be accosted by store security at least 10 times on the way out to verify that your receipt is genuine.
Re:Microsoft has retail stores? (Score:5, Funny)
Better than the linux store, where you have to build the whole store yourself. If you don't like the pot holes in the parking area, they say you can fix them yourself.
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While it's still a monstrosity, it's interesting to note that the Zune box looks nothing like the parody video suggests it should.
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You're right about that video; while it's cheesy and sophomoric, it does (accidentally) capture the distinction very well. Nobody walking down an aisle sees an iPod and wonders "what is that? let me take a look at the features." Everyone knows what an
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Re:Microsoft has retail stores? (Score:4, Insightful)
Apple pulls it off because they've got flash, Nike pulls it off because they've got the same thing Apple has.
Flash helps, but I don't think that's the main reason why it works for Apple.
Apple can pull it off because:
They sell hardware. Mac Mini, iMac, Mac Pro, MacBook, iPod/iPhone...
People walk in, try all the models, and if they buy something they know exactly what they're getting.
Microsoft sells^Wlicenses software.
What the customer demos at the store isn't what they take home with them. That little box doesn't contain the obscenely powerful gaming rig that the customer played with. The only two things in the store that will perform exactly as displayed would be MS's two main hardware products: Zune and Xbox.
That video is professionally made, obviously. (Score:5, Interesting)
The NY Times was... skeptical. (Score:3, Interesting)
I admire Linus Torvald's leadership, but in saying Microsoft hatred is a Disease [slashdot.org], he seems to be more and more alone. It's not really hatred, it is dislike, and dislike of Microsof
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Very nice.
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its impossible to see the MS store as a pathetic attempt to stay relevant in an era where the OS doesn't matter.
Are you from the future? Because today, the OS sure as hell still matters.
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I guardsmen you that if WINE had 100% compatibility with no slowdowns you could stick a Windows XP theme on Ubuntu with WINE set to open up all
Just look at all the iPhone clones, as long as the UI and a few of the apps are there, people will buy it.
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I guardsmen you that if WINE had 100% compatibility with no slowdowns you could stick a Windows XP theme on Ubuntu with WINE set to open up all .exe files, install some of the software the person was used to running and they wouldn't know the difference.
Sure. And when that happens, maybe the OS doesn't matter anymore.
But the point is, that's not today.
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