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Air Force Seeking Geeks For 'Cyber Command' 524

Posted by kdawson
from the they-also-serve dept.
An anonymous reader writes "Wired reports that the two-star general in charge of the US Air Force's new Cyber Command is looking for hacker-types to beef up its cadre of cyber warriors — no heavy lifting required. 'We have to change the way we think about warriors of the future,' General William Lord says. 'So if they can't run three miles with a pack on their backs but they can shut down SCADA system, we need to have a culture where they fit in.' The Cyber Command is the Air Force's first new Major Command since the early 1990s. Its purpose is to be able to win an electronic war with China and other potential adversaries."
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Air Force Seeking Geeks For 'Cyber Command'

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  • by Black Parrot (19622) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:33AM (#22403132)

    we need to have a culture where they fit in.
    Somehow I don't think the Air Force is going to be keen on people smoking pot in the command center.
  • maybe (Score:3, Funny)

    by legallyillegal (889865) <legallyillegalNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:33AM (#22403134) Homepage
    they could be called GeekSquad
  • by SpiffyMarc (590301) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:36AM (#22403148)
    Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.

    Man, the surf is ripped out on that information wave today. I mean gridlocked, on that information superhighway...?

    HACK THE PLANET!
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by gotzero (1177159)
      Maybe they can amend to: "Cyber: As in Computers". Probably double their funding...

      At least they are seeing this as an issue. Shocking that the most desirable candidates do not fancy running 3 miles with packs. That does not seem as entertaining with a wealth of other job prospects.
    • by value_added (719364) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:51AM (#22403578)
      Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.

      I think the Gibson is scheduled to be replaced. At least if the scene in Breach [wikipedia.org], where the Chris Cooper character storms into the CIA server room and demands that all the equipment be replaced with "mumble mumble Red Hat Linux Enterprise 5! mumble mumble Gigabit! mumble mumble" is any indication.

      I expect hackers in the future will be clicking icons on a Gnome desktop. Only the old-timers will remember the days when we used spooky coloured one-character-at-a-time terminals, and performed incredible feats of hackery while being simultaneously threatened by a supervillain and distracted with a blowjob from a supermodel.
      • Re:Youngster.. (Score:4, Interesting)

        by Technician (215283) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @07:06AM (#22404212)
        Only the old-timers will remember the days when we used spooky coloured one-character-at-a-time terminals,

        No, old timers remember ECL logic card computers driving a Mod 28.
        http://railroad-signaling.com/tty/tty.html [railroad-signaling.com]

        Were were really impressed when our first dot matrix KSR showed up, the DEC KSR Keyboard Send Recieve unit arrived.
        http://www.recycledgoods.com/item/15910.aspx [recycledgoods.com]

        A few years later, we got our first screen display.
        • by c6gunner (950153) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @07:12AM (#22404230)
          He said "old-timers", not "petrified fossils".
    • Thinkgeek T-Shirt [thinkgeek.com]...


      Good luck getting geeks to move to Barksdale Louisiana - nearest major town is Shreveport, and it's about 3 hours from Dallas, 5-6 from New Orleans. They may be building a big shiny building, but if they want to hire geeks, they'd have a lot better luck locating this at Livermore Labs or Moffett Field or somewhere around Boston or NYC.

  • this is good but (Score:3, Interesting)

    by rastoboy29 (807168) * on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:38AM (#22403164) Homepage
    I question their ability to attract the best hackers.  Military culture is kinda sorta the complete and total opposite of geekdom.  It is encouraging that they realize that some culture change on their part is necessary, but change comes very slowly to the military (with good reason! who wants a flaky military?)
    • by Charcharodon (611187) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:43AM (#22403536)
      Military culture is kinda sorta the complete and total opposite of geekdom.

      You've obviously never been in a maintenance shop before then. LAN parties were the norm most weekends back in the day. Now that almost everyone has broadband most everyone is playing WOW or other online game together. Whole sections go raiding and then talk about it the whole next day. It drives me nuts and cracks me up at the same time since these same guys pick on the "socially inept" for being nerds.

      The level of geekdom varies, but the whole spectrum can be found, most are just gamers, many build their own computers, some are digital/3D artists, and a minority are your uber "look what hardware/software creation/hack I came up with this weekend" nerds.

      I wouldn't buy the whole "they may not be able to run three miles and carry a pack" the Air Force is kicking people out left and right for being too fat and lazy. They like to call it "Fit to Fight", even though most of our jobs requirements are "Fit to Sit", they're just trying to cut down on the medical bills they have to pay.

      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by crimson30 (172250)
        You've obviously never been in a maintenance shop before then. LAN parties were the norm most weekends back in the day. Now that almost everyone has broadband most everyone is playing WOW or other online game together. Whole sections go raiding and then talk about it the whole next day.

        Okay. I'll bite.

        When I was in Iceland, I used to be an avionics troop, and sure enough, I started up LAN parties with a 3C0 I knew and before we knew it, we had folks dragging their desktops from base housing to get in on th
  • by UnknowingFool (672806) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:40AM (#22403180)
    Admiral Ackbar: It's a TRAP!
    • by freemacedonia (1100555) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @06:27AM (#22404030)
      Hasn't the military been getting people to sign up by blatantly lying to them about what they'd wind up doing once they got in for...ever? Once they get you to sign on the dotted line, it doesn't matter if they told you that you WOULD be smoking pot and playing video games all day. They can put you wherever they need you once you sign. No complaints, no law suits, nothing. Door to door in Iraq or afghanistan. Who knows, you could wind up hacking all day.
      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by couchslug (175151)
        Let's not confuse the "military" with the Air Force.

        Ask a variety Airmen about their jobs. You will get the full range of opinions on their AF experience. None of them want to serve with someone who is unhappy and pissed off. Grumpy co-workers make the workcenter uncomfortable.

        If you are unhappy after enlisting, there are plenty of easy ways to get out.

        "Once they get you to sign on the dotted line," RTFC (Read The Fine Contract) and go in with a guaranteed job.
        Don't go in "General Enlistment",

        Air Force re-e
      • by jvkjvk (102057) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @11:01AM (#22405902)

        Hasn't the military been getting people to sign up by blatantly lying to them about what they'd wind up doing once they got in for...ever? Once they get you to sign on the dotted line, it doesn't matter if they told you that you WOULD be smoking pot and playing video games all day. They can put you wherever they need you once you sign. No complaints, no law suits, nothing. Door to door in Iraq or afghanistan. Who knows, you could wind up hacking all day.
        Actually, if they really want you, your contract (yes, you *do* sign a contract to join the military) can stipulate the job you are signing up for. It can also stipulate that the contract is null and void if they are unable (for whatever reason) to give you that job.

        I happen to know, because that was the only way I joined. Of course, you have to have the balls to say - "Fine, I quit!" if they don't keep their end of the bargain. But, they don't have a legal leg to stand on if it's in your contract.

        So the moral of the story is: If they tell you you can smoke pot and play video games all day get it in writing as part of your contract. Because you will have recruiters tell people all kinds of things but only what's in writing sticks. Kind of like any other employment contract, no?
  • by fearanddread (836731) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:41AM (#22403186)
    People will go for this. Cracking some of the worlds most secure systems from behind the protection of the US goverment? sounds like a pretty cool deal to me.
  • I would be interested to know what the new "physical requirements" are going to be for this type of command?
    What will the recruiters say? "And guess what?, You will get a free 6-pack of Jolt *or* Red Bull *or* even Bawlz with every root account compromised?

    What are the new parameters are going to be for the "boot camp"? Here are the current ones: http://www.baseops.net/basictraining/airforce.html [baseops.net]
    I'd be pressed (these days) to meet the BMT physical requirements: http://www.baseops.net/basictraining/a [baseops.net]
    • Been driving a desk a lot, lately?

      I can meet them easily, and I turn 45 next week.

      Get out and get your exercise, man. You'll be glad you did when you're my age, and if you already are, you'll feel 10 years younger in a few months, really truly.
  • Yeah, right (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Rix (54095) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:42AM (#22403196)
    If they want us, they can bring us in as civilian contractors. Why would anyone want to take a low paying job they can't quit?
    • Re:Yeah, right (Score:5, Informative)

      by Jah-Wren Ryel (80510) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:02AM (#22403320)

      If they want us, they can bring us in as civilian contractors. Why would anyone want to take a low paying job they can't quit.
      It doesn't necessarily need to be low-paying. The air-force and navy have been suffering a mass pilot exodus to the commercial industry, so they started implementing retainer bonuses to keep their pilots. There is no reason the military can't do the same for computer guys. In addition, the computers guys don't have to worry about the biggest downside - dying.

      There are perks to being in the military - access to USAA banking and insurance, being able to jump a transport flight to anywhere in the world for free, stay in military housing world wide for a pittance (some of said housing is near resort quality), pension, medical care, etc.

      For the right combination of benefits, it might be a good deal. Of course it would have to be head and shoulders above what they give to the rank and file, but that's the nature of a competitive labor market.

      PS - for you 420 types, there is no drug testing required for a secret clearance, nor most types of top-secret clearances, but they will ask about drug usage as part of the standard questionnaire (along with stuff like defaulted loans, arrest record, etc).
      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        There are perks to being in the military - access to ...

        Too bad they will throw out around 10% of the most talented computer people right out for not willing to live in suffocating secrecy about their private lives.

        There's a lot of very talented GLBT* hackers out there, and the military will have to crawl into this century with its attitudes if it wants this century's warriors. Else civilian contractors it is.
      • Re:Yeah, right (Score:4, Interesting)

        by Thoth Ptolemy (110353) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @05:46AM (#22403866) Homepage
        As a member of the USAF, here's my take on military benefits:
        Guaranteed housing. Either you're on base for free, or you get housing allowance (Single E4 in DC area = $1300/month).
        Guaranteed food. Either you eat in the chow hall for free, or you get an allowance (~$270/month)
        Guaranteed health care, 100%. Go to sick call/hospital pretty much whenever you need to. Includes dental and optician.
        Guaranteed work. Whether you want it or not.
        Commissary and BX are tax free.
        30 Days of Leave a year plus holidays and weekends. Only 9-to-5 workers get actual weekends and holidays off though, the rest of us (operational AF, operators) 2 and 3 and sometimes 4 day breaks thrown in. Regardless, you still get paid 12 months a year, but can take one of those months off. Or save those days (up to 60).
        Being Deployed has extra benefits. And I'm not sure CyCom would even deploy into a live fire warzone.
        And just being military can have benefits too ($55 lift tickets at Breck, and 15% off food).
        As well as other stuff the above mentioned; Space-A flights for free, USAA, retirement after 20 years (50% of your last base pay).
        And then there's the cool factor of being stationed in Germany or Italy or Japan for 2+ years (assuming CyCom will have shops in said countries).

        AND...if a career field is undermanned, they'll actually give bonuses for re-enlistment equal to Multiplier * Monthly Base Pay * Years of re-enlistment. Multiplier based on how much they need people in the career field. I imagine CyCom fields would be pretty high once it starts rolling, x4 or x5.

        The pay is not too shabby IMO. Base pay is not as high as civilian, but other stuff does go a ways to make up for it (see above).

        Obviously, you can't quit whenever you want to. Contract obligations and all that.
        You also have to maintain a fitness standard. That means a reasonable waist and weight (or BMI) and a decent 1.5 mile run time. Pushups and situps also count, but only for very little.

        It ain't a dream job, but it's been pretty freaking awesome for me. First tour was in Germany, now I'm in DC, next stop; who knows?

        For you "420" types...stay the fuck out of my military. There is a 100% Urinalysis policy. You will be piss tested, you will be caught.

        \obviously i'm biased in favor ;)
        • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

          by WatcherXP (658784)
          22 years in Air force (and counting) here, pretty much spot on there. As for the whole CyberCommand thing, it is 95% public relations stunts at this point. For every "CyberWarrior" there are literally dozens of "AircraftMaintenanceWarriors" and "SupplyWarriors" getting similarly important jobs done on a daily basis without flashy PR and press releases.
        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by Anonymous Coward

          For you "420" types...stay the fuck out of my military.
          But go ahead and liquor up every night if you want. No liver testing. Woohoo!
        • Re:Yeah, right (Score:5, Insightful)

          by dissy (172727) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @10:09AM (#22405324)

          For you "420" types...stay the fuck out of my military. There is a 100% Urinalysis policy. You will be piss tested, you will be caught.
          And i for one feel a lot safer knowing that we are protected by people that never smoked up in their life, cuz you know, stoners never did anything useful for anyone or something. /sarcastic

          While I can understand them (or any employer for that matter) requesting you dont come in drunk/high on the job (thus their time), but short of people on call 24 hrs, I cant see any difference between smoking up for a weekend and getting drunk (thus YOUR time), as neither effects your job!

          If my employer asked me to stop drinking milk at home, or to stop buying scotch tape, I would think just as little of them as when im asked to not smoke up at home too.

          And no, I dont smoke (only cigerettes), but hell that could be next if we dont keep them in check now!
        • Who let the recruiter on here?
          Let me take these one by one
          Free housing: On base is open to inspection by commander at any time. Off base, your supervisor is recomended to "Stop by for a visit to your airmen frequently". Screw that. When the commander let's me check out his house whenever I want, we'll talk.

          Guaranteed food: Food allowance is a joke. Fact is, even with it, most airmen below NCO will qualify for WIC if they have a kid, and you'll USE IT. We're talking below poverty level. Chow hall, exc
          • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

            by crimson30 (172250)
            you wouldn't expect TSgt Luddite to go clean a toilet would you???

            That's where you're dead wrong. Maybe when you hit SMSgt you're safe from that sort of thing, but I see TSgts cleaning toilets EVERY SINGLE DAY (I stick to mopping, personally).

            The real benefits: free medical (though sketchy and ugly at times, it's free nonetheless), pension (hey, it's something), 30-day leave policy (though I once had a duty section where long forecasted leave was denied far more than approved) and definitely TA/GI Bill.
      • If you're going to do work for the airforce in any way computer related, Contracting is the way to go. As a disclaimer/disclosure, I got out of the AF in Nov06. And retention bonus? For computer people? Forget it. They just got done with a systematic drawdown of computer people. I made Staff first attempt (For non-mil, This is not easy, as much of your score is determined by time in grade/time in service) shortly before seperating and did better than 97% of peers testing on the career half, but had a
  • by syousef (465911) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:42AM (#22403198) Journal
    Commander: They did what?
    Lieutenant: They fell down and started rolling around, keyboards in hand.
    Commander: And this was suppose to say what exactly?
    Lieutenant: They were gibbering something about he who lives by the keyboard dies by the keyboard. I think they thought it was funny or clever. You have no idea what the men have been dealing with. These geeks have no social skills whatsoever.
    Commander: So I've heard....and they absolutely refused to perform that first strike.
    Lieutenant: Yes, sir. But it gets worse. They started muttering some inane dialog and sniggering at each other. "Burn the building" and such. We thought they were making threats at first, but then one of them laughed at me for not watching some cult film they all worship. Office Farce or Office Day or something.
    Commander: I told them this would never work. Damn geeks.
  • by jo42 (227475) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:45AM (#22403224) Homepage

    ...to win an electronic war with China...
    To win an electronic, heck any kind of war, all China has to do is to stop shipping electronic and any other goods to the US. After all, that is were all of the stuff comes from these days. Not to mention that most of the corporates have either sold or licensed almost all intellectual property to China in one form or another. Talk about giving a potential enemy all of the sticks they need to beat you over the head with.
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by AndGodSed (968378)
      I was just about to comment on how the words "war with China" is worrying enough in and of itself. Why say things like that?

      Also, China has enough cash on hand to send the US economy into a deep recession, thereby ruining the country before any other steps are taken...
      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by dwater (72834)
        > I was just about to comment on how the words "war with China" is worrying enough in and of itself.
        > Why say things like that?

        EXACTLY!!

        How about trying to win PEACE with China instead?
        • by rale, the (659351) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:10AM (#22403360)
          > How about trying to win PEACE with China instead?

          I don't think that's the military's job...
          • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

            by Anonymous Coward
            Indeed it is not.

            We had plans on how to fight against Britain after World War II. Britain. You know, the limeys? The guys who held out against the Third Reich, and were pretty good allies?

            The military isn't around for love and flowers; the military's there to kick ass and take names. This isn't, "LOL HAY GUYZ WE'RE ATTACKING CHINA!", it's, "Hey, what if we got into a war with China? Yeah, let's figure out a plan so we don't get our asses kicked."
          • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @05:12AM (#22403688)
            I don't think that's the military's job.

            Of course it is -- their mission is to protect us. If peace is the better way (say, compared to the shit going on for the past seven years in Iraq), they should just salute and look for the assignments board.

            Why do you think the troops spend a lot of time in Iraq building schools, water purification plants, etc.? When he's president, Obama should just tell them, "Get your asses back stateside and build schools and water purification plants for our own people.

            So far, to take revenge for some 3K deaths in NY, we've sacrificed nearly 4K of our own troops. Never to mention a good 60K to 100K Iraquis. There's a hell of a start -- do you think there's a single family in Iraq which hasn't had multiple members killed by Bushfuck? That bastard has set us up for a thousand generations of hatred and revenge.

            If you think the terrorists haven't won, consider that we're about a trillion into the war, with at least another trillion in future payments for medical and psychological care for our surviving troops and their families. And that's not to count the value our nation will never get back by having these people in productive jobs.

            There never has been and will never again be a project with a better ROI for the perpetrates than 9/11.

            The terrorists will not have long to hate our freedom -- our own government will take it all away on behalf of the terrorists. They won't have to lift another finger, except for the medial digit.

            • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

              by jared9900 (231352)

              I don't think that's the military's job.

              Of course it is -- their mission is to protect us. If peace is the better way (say, compared to the shit going on for the past seven years in Iraq), they should just salute and look for the assignments board.

              The military's job is to protect us by defending us from attacks and attacking our enemies (you know, war). The President and Congress's job is to decide how to protect us. They get to do that by either entering into peace talks with other governments, or declaring war on them. The military only goes to war when the rest of the government tells them to. They are not a separate branch of the government capable of acting independently and unilaterally on the world stage (that's the President).

              Why do you think the troops spend a lot of time in Iraq building schools, water purification plants, etc.? When he's president, Obama should just tell them, "Get your asses back stateside and build schools and water purification plants for our own people.

              Why do you t

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by graymocker (753063)
      There's no question that the US economy is significantly dependent on China, but people often overlook the fact that China's economy is equally dependent on the US. So yes, Chinese national banks keep financing US debt by buying T-Bills and keep our currency propped up by holding enormous dollar reserves, so yes, they could pretty much hit the delete button on our economy whenever they'd like. On the other hand, by doing so they would also be wiping out their own savings... not to mention cripple the primar
    • ...the current electronic stuff coming from China is already equipped with self destructing parts that just wait for the signal.
  • by AndGodSed (968378) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:46AM (#22403232) Homepage Journal
    how would they control the inner geek urge to hack EVERYTHING?

    commanding officer: "Dammit, someone emptied my bank account - AGAIN!"
    second in command: "It's those cyber warfare officers, sir, they keep hacking anything connected to the network"
    CO: "WELL COMMAND THEM TO STOP DOING IT!"
    SCO: "I can't sir, the rerouted all communications through a local brothel..."
  • by bky1701 (979071) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @03:49AM (#22403266) Homepage
    Your pointy-haired boss has a gun.
  • Air Force? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by criordan (733016)
    What is the Air Force doing in charge of America's cyber warfare abilities?

    It seems to me that we should have a specialized agency, or perhaps even a military branch, for cyber warfare.
    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      by greyblack (1148533)
      It's because they use wireless LAN. According to rumours, they have placed a huge order for Apple Airport Extremes.
    • by NMerriam (15122)

      What is the Air Force doing in charge of America's cyber warfare abilities?

      It seems to me that we should have a specialized agency, or perhaps even a military branch, for cyber warfare.

      indeed, it seems like it would be best to have it under the JSOC or something similar, but the Air Force has traditionally been the "high tech" branch of the military, so of the existing services it makes sense and would probably remain there administratively even if it were moved elsewhere.

    • by billstewart (78916) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @05:19AM (#22403726) Journal
      I used to share a lab with an ex-Navy guy. His basic description of how the different military branches "secure" a computer was like
      • The Army sends a bunch of guards armed with automatic weapons to make sure nobody steals the computer.
      • The Navy ties the machine down with netting so it won't bounce around during shipping, tightens the screws in the rack, coils the cables neatly and attaches them with cable ties.
      • The Air Force cuts a purchase order to buy another one.
      Our lab was _much_ neater once Dave got there - plus he did a good job on router ACLs, installing OS patches, etc. :-)


      You'd think the NSA would be more involved in this kind of thing, but usually when I hear about people getting funding for cyber warfare boondoggles as opposed to computer security, it's the Air Force.

  • by Khyber (864651) <techkitsune@gmail.com> on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:10AM (#22403356) Homepage Journal
    Detonate an EMP bomb. Welcome to the stone age, troops, you just lost all of your nav/GPS/FoF systems, and if your vehicles are not hard-shielded, you're screwed.

    If an EMP bomb tested out in the Pacific could affect both Hawaii and Japan coasts, one EMP could effectively cover China. We already have the weaponry to win an electronic war.
  • China ? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by SomethingOrOther (521702) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:10AM (#22403366) Homepage

    China and other potential adversaries.

    I can't be the only dude from the EU who has noticed a slow rise in anti-China stuff on slashdot?

    Do other news sources in the US have this slant? Because looking at it from the outside, it's like the US^H^H^H^H Fox News is seeking a new bogeyman now the cold war is over. Unfortunately some of this is rubbing off on a more intellegent news source like /.

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Deanalator (806515)
      I for one think the recent political actions of China are infinitely interesting. While we have been obsessing over fuelling our cars, they have been perfecting the art of information warfare, and they have done pretty well for themselves :-)

      When I worked as head security analyst for my university, every day I fended off attacks from various kids in eastern Europe and Brazil etc. They used basic exploits (poorly), and left logs everywhere, so they were never that much trouble to track down. Every time I
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by c6gunner (950153)

      Because looking at it from the outside, it's like the US^H^H^H^H Fox News is seeking a new bogeyman now the cold war is over. Unfortunately some of this is rubbing off on a more intellegent news source like /.

      So, in your world, networks which report the news are bad? And your definition of an "intellegent" (nice irony with the misspelling, btw) news wource is one which ignores world events?

      Get a clue. There's nothing sinister about the discussion of the constant Chinese cyber-attacks, and the possibl

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by jollyreaper (513215)

      I can't be the only dude from the EU who has noticed a slow rise in anti-China stuff on slashdot?

      Do other news sources in the US have this slant? Because looking at it from the outside, it's like the US^H^H^H^H Fox News is seeking a new bogeyman now the cold war is over. Unfortunately some of this is rubbing off on a more intellegent news source like /.

      Ok, I'm American. I'm also an avowed Bush hater, GOP despiser, and I think CEO business criminals should be hung by their short and curlies. I think creatonists are whackjob fundies every bit as dangerous as the whackjob fundie Muslims.I think the Democrats in Congress are enablers, different from the Republicans only in name. I think they are simply two different factions of the Moneyed Party. I feel that our government and business leaders are criminals who enrich themselves to the public's detriment. I

  • by martin-boundary (547041) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:19AM (#22403410)
    "Join the USAF, you can hack computers all night and sleep all day"

    "Woohoo! Where do I sign?"

    "Great! Now pack your bags, you're going to Iraq"

    "Butbutbut, that's not what I signed up for!"

    "Too bad, we need people on the ground in Iraq NOW. That's where you're going."

  • by OldManAndTheC++ (723450) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @04:27AM (#22403436)
    Turning raw meat into the cyberwarriors of tomorrow -- the drill sergeant at Fort Ran:

    ALL RIGHT YOU MAGGOTS LISTEN UP! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS A PERFECT SPECIMEN OF WELL-MUSCLED MANHOOD, BRIGHT-EYED,
    NEATLY DRESSED, AND HIGHLY DISCIPLINED. WELL STARTING TODAY I AM GOING TO TURN YOU ALL INTO SLOVENLY, SARCASTIC,
    ANTI-SOCIAL LOSERS! DO YOU HEAR ME SOLDIER??

    Sir, Yes sir!

    NEVER CALL ME SIR! YOU ARE TO SHOW NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME MAGGOT?!

    Sure, whatever dude.

    WHAT'S THAT AROUND YOUR NECK SOLDIER??

    It's a tie s..., er dude

    WELL TAKE IT OFF! YOU WILL WEAR T-SHIRTS AND LOOSE SHORTS AT ALL TIMES! IS THAT CLEAR?

    I really don't like people shouting at me.

    DAMN RIGHT YOU DON'T. AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE LIKE ME PISSES YOU OFF?

    Uh, replace your desktop with a screenshot and then watch you trying to click on it while I snicker from my cubicle?

    I THINK WE GOT A REAL GEEK HERE! IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE MAGGOT? A REAL GEEK???

    I guess so.

    OH YOU GUESS SO? WELL WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU THERE WON'T BE ANY DOUBT! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE ABLE
    TO LIVE FOR DAYS ON NOTHING BUT JOLT COLA AND DORITOS! YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE THE WARM GLOW OF YOUR MONITOR
    MORE THAN THE LIGHT OF THE SUN! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WRITE NETWORK PENETRATION CODE IN THE DARK, IN MACHINE CODE,
    USING A MAGNETIZED NEEDLE AND A STEADY HAND! YOU...WILL..BE...WARRIORS!! HOO! HOO! HOOOO!
  • http://en.tiraecol.net/modules/comic/comic.php?content_id=223 [tiraecol.net]

    Guy: It just arrived in the mail: I've been accepted in the U.S.A.'s Hackers Elite corp...
    Other guy: No way!
    Guy: Geeze, I'm going to learn so much: Data interception, a darn bunch of encryption... can you imagine the level of the guys attending these lectures?
    Other guy: You'd better review your strong encryption knowledge...

    (A week later...)

    Teacher: And in the window labelled "create nuclear crisis", simply select the country from the drop-down menu...
    Student: What's a drop down menu?
    Guy: :'(
  • My Keyboard (Score:5, Funny)

    by d3m0nCr4t (869332) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @08:03AM (#22404476)
    My Keyboard (The Creed of a United States Cyber Command)


    This is my keyboard.

    There are many like it, but this one is MINE.

    My keyboard is my best friend. It is my life.

    I must master it as I must master my life.

    My keyboard without me is useless. Without my keyboard, I am useless.

    I must type my keyboard true.

    I must type faster than my enemy who is trying to hack me.

    I must hack him before he hacks me. I will...

    My keyboard and myself know that what counts in war is not the keys we type,

    the noise of our modems, nor the trojans we make.

    We know it is the hacks that count. We will hack...

    My keyboard is human, even as I, because it is my life.

    Thus, I will learn it as a brother.

    I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories,
    its sights, and its barrel.

    I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage.

    I will keep my keyboard clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready.

    We will become part of each other. We will...

    Before God I swear this creed.

    My keyboard and myself are the defenders of my country.

    We are the masters of our enemy.

    We are the saviors of my life.

    So be it, until there is no enemy, but PEACE.


  • by houghi (78078) on Wednesday February 13, 2008 @09:21AM (#22404920)
    A BOFH with access to the red button.

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