Latex was a good if awkward choice when decent word processors and DTP apps couldn't handle scientific notation, but really, those days are long gone.

As if. (La)TeX is still the best choice by a considerable distance, and "those days" are certainly not "long gone".

I am not aware of tons ever being used to represent force?

Well, in a system of units where g=1...

Ha! I cannot stand them and never understand why so many 16-19 year olds go crazy over a bar of soap..

Oh, it's only a phase. It normally ends once they go to university.

How can you chop up Tubular Bells?

Any number of ways. Off the top of my head:

• Hacksaw
• Angle-grinder
• Oxyacetylene torch

Have you been to Detroit recently?

Does that count as post-apocalyptic?