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Linus Torvalds To Head Windows 9 Project 174

An anonymous reader writes "Linus Torvalds, the creator of Linux, and a champion of free and open source software has finally called it a day and has agreed to join Microsoft as the project head of the upcoming Windows 9 project. According to Bloomberg, Linus will be working on a new Kernel design for Microsoft that will make, usually vulnerable, Windows OS virtually impossible to be infected by viruses and malware."
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Linus Torvalds To Head Windows 9 Project

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:02AM (#43330429)

    They want their MS criticism and jokes back.

    • Just think of all the lawsuits from Apple when they get to Windows X!

    • You're totally right! I was running windows 7 like a champ for 4 WHOLE MONTHS before it started slowing down!

      That's a 400% increase!

  • by Anonymous Coward
    You sure got me! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a 'most gullible person on the planet' detector shipment I need to receive, for some reason they keep blowing up around me...
  • by halcyon1234 ( 834388 ) <> on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:03AM (#43330437) Journal
    Saw this on the announce newslist the other day. As always, editors get it wrong. Linus is only working on the Windows 9 Mobile division, not the head of the whole project.
    • by MatthiasF ( 1853064 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:16AM (#43330531)
      No no, you have it all wrong. Linus is on the fast track to taking over for Balmer. He's the only one in the tech industry with the temperament for the job.

      Except Linus throws wireless printers, not chairs.
      • Re: (Score:1, Funny)

        by Anonymous Coward
        Really? Did you miss Theo de Raadt? I imagine Theo throwing chairs with the best of them.
        • Really? Did you miss Theo de Raadt? I imagine Theo throwing chairs with the best of them.

          Bobby Knight.
          Just sayin'....

      • I thought RMS was tapped as Balmy the Chairthrower's successor.
        • Stallman was being considered, but they decided to go another direction when it came to light that he has the upper body strength of a pre-pubescent girl.

          Why Linus? Little known fact: Linus Torvalds is actually the illegitimate son of world-renown muscle man Magnus Magnusson, and thus possesses the raw power necessary to launch office chairs at terminal velocity.

          • he has the upper body strength of a pre-pubescent girl

            Bias! I have a 9 y.o. daughter of average build and I'm forever amazed at how much she can lift.

            • he has the upper body strength of a pre-pubescent girl

              Bias! I have a 9 y.o. daughter of average build and I'm forever amazed at how much she can lift.

              Yea, but how far can she huck a standard-issue office chair? If it's better than what Linus can do, you'd better get a call in to Microsoft HR quick, before they find some H1-B 9-year-old girl to take her place!

          • RMS wanted to stay in a more hands on role, so he will be heading up the Silverlight project.
        • by ByOhTek ( 1181381 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:35AM (#43330651) Journal

          RMS was stolen by Apple for hygenic reasons.

        • Linus will throw penguins, and RMS will throw miniature gnus. (would be full sized gnus, but his doctor advised against that)

      • by Rob Riggs ( 6418 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:26AM (#43330601) Homepage Journal
        Ballmer? That's not what I heard. According to inside sources, Billy Gates secretly adopted Torvalds. (How do you think he got into this country so easily?) Gates needs a someone with real geek cred to take over as Chairman when he fully retires. He has been grooming Torvalds for this role outside the MS spotlight. Torvalds stands to inherit Gates' fortune and company. His constant criticism of the company is due to him worrying about the shape it will be in when he is finally allowed to take over. Anyone at MSFT that wants a job when that happens better heed his warnings.
    • by Petron ( 1771156 )

      But after Windows 9 Mobile is finished, it is going to be ported over to desktop PC's, so indirectly he will be in charge of the whole project.

    • This sounds like something off of "The Onion".
  • Finally (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:03AM (#43330439)

    Finally someone at Microsoft made a good desicion

  • by gapagos ( 1264716 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:03AM (#43330443)

    The only impression I get is that Slashdot tries to get more page views by forcing users to click the "FREE PREVIEW" link to RTFS, and thus get more advertising dollars. Very lame attempt to monetize April Fool's and doesn't bring me a hint of a smile. Slashdot, I expected better from you.

    • by Anonymous Coward on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:06AM (#43330475)

      Not using an Ad Blocker? Slashdotter, I expected better from you.

      • I refuse to use an Ad Blocker because I generally like to support the websites I visit. Today however, I enabled Slashdot's friendly "Disable Advertising" checkbox.
    • by bjoast ( 1310293 )
      /. doesn't get more page views... The link only toggles the visibility of the decoded version.
      • Even if they don't... this causes an extra 1.5 seconds per user to aim at and then click the "FREE PREVIEW" link. Multiply this by millions of views, and you're talking about hundreds of extra hours of viewing. Google Analytics can measure the average time spent on a page (as well as page views, thus total cumulative time), which can, in theory, translate into varying advertising rates.

      • But you have to go in to the story page to get the toggle link. From the front page all you can see is the ROT13 text.
    • by Anonymous Coward on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:21AM (#43330565)

      A user getting self-righteous butthurt over stupid April Fool's joke... Slashdot, I expected exactly this.

    • More like they've thoughtfully been posting the intentionally non-serious stories as ROT13.

      The unintentionally non-serious stories are quadruply protected with QUAD ROT13.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    This is getting old very quickly. There is a difference between funny and just plain stupid. I think that the "13" in "ROT13" means the age of someone who would actually find this funny.

  • I see, it's the first of April and an excuse for the editors to become assholes. YOU ARE A FRICKING NEWS ORGANIZATION. BEHAVE RESPONSIBLY. DON'T SCREW WITH THE CONTENT.

    written BC, Before Coffee

  • by dakohli ( 1442929 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:09AM (#43330493)

    And the fools days is upon us again. Well done slashdot, and happy Birthday to the Royal Canadian Air Force []

    • by skine ( 1524819 )

      Don't apply "April Fools" status to this.

      It is indeed April, but nobody could have possibly been fooled by the headline.

    • Talk about being fooled, wait for "April Fools Day #2" which falls on Monday April 15, this year... Of course, this only applies to those of us who live in the USSA.. For those overseas, April 15th is known by some as ""Income" tax day" or to some of us "April Fools 2"...

  • Ya, but the thing is, I'd actually expect something like this from Linus. He really doesn't give much of a wet snap about software freedom - the GPL was a choice he made based on convenience (there's a pre-made license over there, and ooooh.... look how shiny and legal it looks). To make something like this actually funny, it should have been someone like Bruce Perens or Richard Stallman.

    • by Sarten-X ( 1102295 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:38AM (#43330665) Homepage

      I haven't really cared much about Linus' philosophy, so I may be way off on this, but I'm under the impression that Linus cares most about the users having machines that work well to do whatever they want. That's different from Apple's view (machines that work cleanly to do what we want) and the Microsoft view (machines that do what vendors want, regardless of how messy the implementation), and the GNU view (machines that the user can use to build what they want).

      If Linus were to head Windows 9, I might just forgive Microsoft for the past few decades. Linus comes with his notorious vitriol for sloppy implementation, so I could expect a cleaner API that might survive more than three years before Microsoft deems it "too limiting" and replaces it. His complete detachment from current Windows architecture would also promise a Unix-based Windows, much like Classic Mac OS was replaced by a Unix core for OS X. I might just actually enjoy that... Bash, rather than PowerShell. Executable commands, rather than COM, ActiveX, or OLE. Strict configuration files, rather than the corruption-prone registry...

      President Lincoln filled his cabinet with people who opposed each other and the President himself. His meetings were filled with opposing viewpoints, from which the best were selected. Microsoft is in a position to make a similar pride-swallowing decision, but I doubt it will ever happen.

  • I can't wait to see Linus' potty mouth vs. Balmer's chair throwing.
    • I can't wait to see Linus' potty mouth vs. Balmer's chair throwing.

      Bill Gates, as he watches the impending showdown from atop his throne made of human skulls: "Good, good... Let the open-source hatred flow through you..."

  • The joke comes within a hair's breadth of explaining itself at the end.

  • This is so fucking lame that I'm not even going to bother refreshing the home page or even posting anything more today. Seriously!
    I just reloaded the home page and saw the fucking ROT-13 gibberish and I don't even feel like clicking on the link to see what the lame-o April Fool's joke is going to be. If I feel that way as an avid registered slashdotter (who even got mod points for the first time last week, yay?), then how does the average joe/jill feel when they open the home page? This is a moronic a
    • This is tiresome. This is not fun. This is not funny. This is lame. Do you understand this yet, editors? Anyone listening, or are you editors skipping the rest of the day too?

      I think it's funny. I think it's great. Take a day off to geek out once a year.

      If you don't enjoy it...can't you just find something else to do today instead of lobbying to end a tradition some of us enjoy?

      • I'm not lobbying to end the tradition, I'm lobbying to uphold the traditionof good interesting april fool's day joke pages. IMHO, this year is not so inventive and funny. Please see my other comment [] or look at previous years' april fool's days slashdot pages to see what I mean. I would like /. to be more inventive and creative. I'm offering constructive criticism, gave an example of what would be better, and just pointed out to the readers (and any editors reading) that the gag is tiresome rather quick
        • by KGIII ( 973947 )

          You are rather new to be determining what traditions we uphold. Nothing personal but your opinion doesn't carry a lot of weight (nor does mine). Following the fashion of complaining isn't actually going to accomplish anything either. Yeah, complaining about /. and being an active poster is also a tradition.

          • Yeah, but you know what? This is a place to get some of my complaining out and get rid of the frustrations without having to take the response or criticism too personally. I actually appreciate the tone of your reply, and I pretty much agree with you. But's it's nice to have a place to vent, especially when it's also a place where I (intermittently) find some intelligent gem of a comment or learn some particular esoteric detail from some coder who bothered to take the time to educate others.
            So ta
            • by KGIII ( 973947 )

              I have a scale that measures in grains but, alas, that's a topic for another day. Either way, bitching about /. is a tradition around here and never seems to affect change but people never stop. It is usually inversely proportionate to UID numbers.

    • by Holi ( 250190 )

      Your not an avid Slashdotter until you get sick of having Mod points. It's why I rarely log in any more.

      • Yeah. I got that over the weekend. I'm getting fifteen points at a time and on sunday I just found out that posting on a topic unmoderated my mods on that topic article. So then it's a toss-up, do I want to post on an article, or do I want to use my mod points. I've been getting mod points daily (except for one day) for a week, and fifteen points at a time, and I am getting tired of it. It freaks me out having to decide whether to go back to mod older comments so I don't. I've been just modding new st
        • Girlinatrainingbra wrote :-

          I've been worrying about modding in topics I'd rather post in. It's annoying having to hold myself back.

          I am also being swamped with mod points. Has the system changed somehow, or are they running out of good moderators? At one time I got mod points very rarely (but often got meta-moderation points).

          Do what I do. Use the mod points in topics you are not particularly interested in or have no stong view, so are unlikely to post anyway. It is a better use of mod points as you can award them according to how well argued (or funny, or trollish or whatever) without being biased wi

          • Strangely, about 15 minutes ago, I got a note saying I'd received 15 mod points, even though twenty minutes ago, I had used up just two of the mod points I received three hours ago while I was in school at lecture. So why did I receive a "top up" back up to 15 mod points if I hadn't used them all up? Strange.
            re nickname: it's turning a taunt from a coupla years ago into a nick o' pride. No other details to be shared. :>p
          • Here's the weird timing of my getting 15 mod points even though I had not used up 13 of my prior mod points I'd received less than THREE HOURS AGO!!! Strange...

            Reply to "TRS-80 all the way, baby!" by StormReaver Monday April 01, @05:56AM
            * 15 Mod Points Received - Expire on 04/04 Monday April 01, @06:33AM
            Reply to "Re:So lame I'm not refreshing the home page anymor" by nukenerd Mo
          • Strangely, after getting 45 mod points on monday, I haven't gotten any mod points since then. It's enough to make a girl paranoid! Is it something I said? Did you stop getting an excessively large number of mod points too?
        • If you want to post in a story you modded already, do so as anon...there is a tick box for it when you post. That way your moderations stay intact.
    • Waaah! Someone capitulate! I can't stand not being thoroughly entertained! Help! Help! I'm moderately uninterested! Why isn't someone doing something?! I've made a post on a community-moderated article response forum! Gah! I'm so angry I may talk to someone on a phone! A PHONE!

      Grow up, kid. And if you're not a kid, just chill out. This site has a ton of people contributing a ton of stories and a few times out of the year, the employees (which you don't directly pay), throw out a gag. Not all jokes are funny

      • Hey, humor is subjective. This subject was not entertained by the so-called humor. And I let it be known. By posting on a user-moderated board. Where other users who post and moderate have moderated me up.
        It's the same thing that you're doing, but without making fun of or belittling individual posters. And I'm not interested in extra click-throughs for dice when the summary on the front page ought to be enough to let me know if I want to follow a story or not. I'm not the one crying "waaahhh".
    • This is not lame. lame is an encoder.
  • I think they could have gotten away with a random person like Linus simply walking around in a supervisor capacity. He could read every design plan and attend meetings and his only job is to say "WTF, REALLY?!" when someone thinks of a stupid idea like touch or metro or CD keys embedded in the BIOS or UEFI. That would really benefit MS the most.
  • I have to give kudos to /. for the most original and hilarious April fools prank. Well done! The ROT13 is genious :)
    • by Monkey-Man2000 ( 603495 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:45AM (#43330707)

      I have to give kudos to /. for the most original and hilarious April fools prank. Well done! The ROT13 is genious :)

      The OMG Ponies' fools day was by far the best 04/01 in /. history []. This is not too horrible though.

    • by mark-t ( 151149 )

      No... I believe that so far this year, from what I've seen so far, that honor would go it Thinkgeek [].

      Thinkgeek has April fools jokes nailed.

      Something people would like to see, and at the same time being close enough to what is actually possible that the believability factor is relatively high.

      • Thinkgeek has April fools jokes nailed.

        Something people would like to see, and at the same time being close enough to what is actually possible that the believability factor is relatively high.

        Yeah, but year after year the demand is so great that Thinkgeek ends up producing the item after all. The tauntaun sleeping bag is probably the most notable in that category.

  • by Anonymous Coward

    April Fools day and the internet do not mix,. You are are not funny, your jokes suck and you should just kill yourself.

  • by ndogg ( 158021 )

    So many people get so upset over /.'s April Fools hijinks. It's rather entertaining, honestly.

    • by mark-t ( 151149 )
      Because it can get in the way of being genuinely informative, which I've actually found stories on slashdot have been known to do from time to time. And this story notwistanding, which has an outlandish enough title to be suspect of a joke before you even start to read the summary, wasting time reading bogus news when you might not initially realize was an april fool's joke, is... well, just that: a waste of time.
      • by ndogg ( 158021 )

        But for anyone that's been on this site for a few years, this shouldn't be a surprise.

  • Creator of Linux to head Windows development. Har har har.

    What's the next crap "joke", PETA to endorce the butchers' union? GET IT? IT'S IRONIC!

    Did you stuff a bunch of interns in a room and "brainstorm" these? Truly uninspired, and lacking execution at every step.

    • PETA to endorce the butchers' union?

      They have already been fined for operating a mass butchering outfit without a license. And they kill over 90% of healthy pets they receive (source []).

  • Loving the ROT-13! (Score:3, Informative)

    by sootman ( 158191 ) on Monday April 01, 2013 @10:41AM (#43330685) Homepage Journal

    Slashdot, for so many years, has done such a SHITTY job of April Fool's day, I like having a big giant indicator that a story is not even worth looking at. When I visit again tomorrow (seriously -- I'm done for the day) I can just scroll and read all the stories down to the point where they're encrypted. Thanks guys!

    Seriously, you guys suck balls at 4/1. I'd complain, but what I have to say has been said a million times before, and you're obviously not listening, so why bother. I check in each year to see if you did anything clever* like "OMG PONIES!", then I'm gone until 4/2.

    * and yes, "OMG PONIES!" counts as clever around here. Low, low standards.

  • Owww....

    That was such a lame prank it hurt.

  • For all the people whining about the ROT13 initiative. Jeesh!

    It wasn't ROTFL type funny, but it was definitely amusing.

    Spend 2 minutes writing a comment complaining about having to waste 15 seconds figuring out how to un-encode the articles?

  • Thanks to Microsoft's awesome Shell, I easily created this script to automatically do rot13 for me!

    echo "$1" | tr '[A-Za-z]' '[N-ZA-Mn-za-m]'

    I wish Linux, Mac OS X, or BSD would implement this. Hopefully, Linux steals this from Microsoft and uses it in the next release of The Colonel v3.1469.
    • by tqk ( 413719 )

      I wish Linux, Mac OS X, or BSD would implement this. Hopefully, Linux steals this from Microsoft and uses it in the next release of The Colonel v3.1469.

      Are you trying for Funny? It's difficult to tell ("Colonel", really?!?).

      i bsdgames - collection of classic textual unix games

      That includes rot13/caesar:

      (2) infidel /home/keeling_ echo 'You ninny!'|caesar
      Eua totte!

  • These stupid Slashdot AF stories are just so god damn lame.
  • This is all part of the "fellatio competition" that Torvalds was talking about. (with regard to the UEFI encryption).

  • Now Bill Gates will have enough money to buy the entire Taliban and finally put an end to polio and make a dent in several other scourges.

Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982