Air Force Seeking Geeks For 'Cyber Command'

An anonymous reader writes "Wired reports that the two-star general in charge of the US Air Force's new Cyber Command is looking for hacker-types to beef up its cadre of cyber warriors — no heavy lifting required. 'We have to change the way we think about warriors of the future,' General William Lord says. 'So if they can't run three miles with a pack on their backs but they can shut down SCADA system, we need to have a culture where they fit in.' The Cyber Command is the Air Force's first new Major Command since the early 1990s. Its purpose is to be able to win an electronic war with China and other potential adversaries."

Yeah, right.

we need to have a culture where they fit in.

Somehow I don't think the Air Force is going to be keen on people smoking pot in the command center.

Re:Yeah, right.

I know I'd not be keen on people smoking pot in my work place either.

Deadbeat != security expert. Get a job and cut your hair, dude.

Re: Yeah, right.

Deadbeat != security expert. Get a job and cut your hair, dude.

Pothead |= deadbeat. Judge results, not style, shitsuck.

Your rebuttal is somewhat weakened by your unfortunate choice of the logical symbol for "entails" to indicate the inequality!

Cyber, huh? Neat!

Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.

Man, the surf is ripped out on that information wave today. I mean gridlocked, on that information superhighway...?

HACK THE PLANET!

Re:Cyber, huh? Neat!

Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.

I think the Gibson is scheduled to be replaced. At least if the scene in Breach [wikipedia.org], where the Chris Cooper character storms into the CIA server room and demands that all the equipment be replaced with "mumble mumble Red Hat Linux Enterprise 5! mumble mumble Gigabit! mumble mumble" is any indication.

I expect hackers in the future will be clicking icons on a Gnome desktop. Only the old-timers will remember the days when we used spooky coloured one-character-at-a-time terminals, and performed incredible feats of hackery while being simultaneously threatened by a supervillain and distracted with a blowjob from a supermodel.

Yeah, right

If they want us, they can bring us in as civilian contractors. Why would anyone want to take a low paying job they can't quit?

Re:Yeah, right

If they want us, they can bring us in as civilian contractors. Why would anyone want to take a low paying job they can't quit.

It doesn't necessarily need to be low-paying. The air-force and navy have been suffering a mass pilot exodus to the commercial industry, so they started implementing retainer bonuses to keep their pilots. There is no reason the military can't do the same for computer guys. In addition, the computers guys don't have to worry about the biggest downside - dying.

There are perks to being in the military - access to USAA banking and insurance, being able to jump a transport flight to anywhere in the world for free, stay in military housing world wide for a pittance (some of said housing is near resort quality), pension, medical care, etc.

For the right combination of benefits, it might be a good deal. Of course it would have to be head and shoulders above what they give to the rank and file, but that's the nature of a competitive labor market.

PS - for you 420 types, there is no drug testing required for a secret clearance, nor most types of top-secret clearances, but they will ask about drug usage as part of the standard questionnaire (along with stuff like defaulted loans, arrest record, etc).

He who lives by the sword....

Commander: They did what?
Lieutenant: They fell down and started rolling around, keyboards in hand.
Commander: And this was suppose to say what exactly?
Lieutenant: They were gibbering something about he who lives by the keyboard dies by the keyboard. I think they thought it was funny or clever. You have no idea what the men have been dealing with. These geeks have no social skills whatsoever.
Commander: So I've heard....and they absolutely refused to perform that first strike.
Lieutenant: Yes, sir. But it gets worse. They started muttering some inane dialog and sniggering at each other. "Burn the building" and such. We thought they were making threats at first, but then one of them laughed at me for not watching some cult film they all worship. Office Farce or Office Day or something.
Commander: I told them this would never work. Damn geeks.

Barn Door: Already Open

...to win an electronic war with China...

To win an electronic, heck any kind of war, all China has to do is to stop shipping electronic and any other goods to the US. After all, that is were all of the stuff comes from these days. Not to mention that most of the corporates have either sold or licensed almost all intellectual property to China in one form or another. Talk about giving a potential enemy all of the sticks they need to beat you over the head with.

Re:Barn Door: Already Open

> How about trying to win PEACE with China instead?

I don't think that's the military's job...

Re:Barn Door: Already Open

I don't think that's the military's job.

Of course it is -- their mission is to protect us. If peace is the better way (say, compared to the shit going on for the past seven years in Iraq), they should just salute and look for the assignments board.

Why do you think the troops spend a lot of time in Iraq building schools, water purification plants, etc.? When he's president, Obama should just tell them, "Get your asses back stateside and build schools and water purification plants for our own people.

So far, to take revenge for some 3K deaths in NY, we've sacrificed nearly 4K of our own troops. Never to mention a good 60K to 100K Iraquis. There's a hell of a start -- do you think there's a single family in Iraq which hasn't had multiple members killed by Bushfuck? That bastard has set us up for a thousand generations of hatred and revenge.

If you think the terrorists haven't won, consider that we're about a trillion into the war, with at least another trillion in future payments for medical and psychological care for our surviving troops and their families. And that's not to count the value our nation will never get back by having these people in productive jobs.

There never has been and will never again be a project with a better ROI for the perpetrates than 9/11.

The terrorists will not have long to hate our freedom -- our own government will take it all away on behalf of the terrorists. They won't have to lift another finger, except for the medial digit.

Okay, but...

how would they control the inner geek urge to hack EVERYTHING?

commanding officer: "Dammit, someone emptied my bank account - AGAIN!"
second in command: "It's those cyber warfare officers, sir, they keep hacking anything connected to the network"
CO: "WELL COMMAND THEM TO STOP DOING IT!"
SCO: "I can't sir, the rerouted all communications through a local brothel..."

In the air force...

Your pointy-haired boss has a gun.

China ?

China and other potential adversaries.

I can't be the only dude from the EU who has noticed a slow rise in anti-China stuff on slashdot?

Do other news sources in the US have this slant? Because looking at it from the outside, it's like the US^H^H^H^H Fox News is seeking a new bogeyman now the cold war is over. Unfortunately some of this is rubbing off on a more intellegent news source like /.

Watch out kids!

"Join the USAF, you can hack computers all night and sleep all day"

"Woohoo! Where do I sign?"

"Great! Now pack your bags, you're going to Iraq"

"Butbutbut, that's not what I signed up for!"

"Too bad, we need people on the ground in Iraq NOW. That's where you're going."

What will boot camp be like?

Turning raw meat into the cyberwarriors of tomorrow -- the drill sergeant at Fort Ran:

ALL RIGHT YOU MAGGOTS LISTEN UP! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS A PERFECT SPECIMEN OF WELL-MUSCLED MANHOOD, BRIGHT-EYED,
NEATLY DRESSED, AND HIGHLY DISCIPLINED. WELL STARTING TODAY I AM GOING TO TURN YOU ALL INTO SLOVENLY, SARCASTIC,
ANTI-SOCIAL LOSERS! DO YOU HEAR ME SOLDIER??

Sir, Yes sir!

NEVER CALL ME SIR! YOU ARE TO SHOW NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME MAGGOT?!

Sure, whatever dude.

WHAT'S THAT AROUND YOUR NECK SOLDIER??

It's a tie s..., er dude

WELL TAKE IT OFF! YOU WILL WEAR T-SHIRTS AND LOOSE SHORTS AT ALL TIMES! IS THAT CLEAR?

I really don't like people shouting at me.

DAMN RIGHT YOU DON'T. AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE LIKE ME PISSES YOU OFF?

Uh, replace your desktop with a screenshot and then watch you trying to click on it while I snicker from my cubicle?

I THINK WE GOT A REAL GEEK HERE! IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE MAGGOT? A REAL GEEK???

I guess so.

OH YOU GUESS SO? WELL WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU THERE WON'T BE ANY DOUBT! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE ABLE
TO LIVE FOR DAYS ON NOTHING BUT JOLT COLA AND DORITOS! YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE THE WARM GLOW OF YOUR MONITOR
MORE THAN THE LIGHT OF THE SUN! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WRITE NETWORK PENETRATION CODE IN THE DARK, IN MACHINE CODE,
USING A MAGNETIZED NEEDLE AND A STEADY HAND! YOU...WILL..BE...WARRIORS!! HOO! HOO! HOOOO!

Let's hope they're not like these guys...

http://en.tiraecol.net/modules/comic/comic.php?content_id=223 [tiraecol.net]

Guy: It just arrived in the mail: I've been accepted in the U.S.A.'s Hackers Elite corp...
Other guy: No way!
Guy: Geeze, I'm going to learn so much: Data interception, a darn bunch of encryption... can you imagine the level of the guys attending these lectures?
Other guy: You'd better review your strong encryption knowledge...

(A week later...)

Teacher: And in the window labelled "create nuclear crisis", simply select the country from the drop-down menu...
Student: What's a drop down menu?
Guy: :'(

Re:Those who join will become killers.

I'm not exactly sure if you're referring to just the current or recent wars of the US, or if you're talking about any war whatsoever...

But what utopia do you live in, may I ask? I'm sorry, but war is sometimes necessary. I'm not defending any particular war of any particular nation, but only saying that war is sometimes necessary. If someone is out to blow *your* country to bits, it doesn't do much good to talk to them or give them a philosophical (and well thought out, too) argument about why killing you would really just incite more killing, etc. There are even people that simply enjoy the carnage.

As long as life exists, there is going to be anger, hate, and malice; and as long as anger, hate, and malice exist, there's going to be bloodshed.

I'm all for peace and not war, but it is an unfortunate necessity at some points, in order to save life from those who WANT to destroy it for whatever reasons. It is from those "wanting to be guilty of murder and death" that more moral nations and armies are to protect the innocent.

Re: Those who join will become killers.

So if the Mongols come around burning your people's villages and raping their donkeys, you shouldn't take up arms against it?

Well that would make you just as bad as them, wouldn't it - after all, two wrongs don't make a right.

I'm sure they'd listen to reason and realise what jolly bad chaps they are, if you presented your argument in the right way. It's not like they're barbarians or anything, their culture is just as valuable as yours and who are you to judge?

Re:Those who join will become killers.

The only answer is to stop the killing by all those involved using communication and other methods.

Like appeasement? Or bribery? Or lying to avoid conflict? Or global adoption of your philosophy? How do you plan on convincing people to not want "your stuff" or to not want you dead or worse? Are you going to inform them that it is hurtful?

I'll suggest that communication alone may never bring peace, because communication does not address disagreement at the philosophical level. It just defines the boundaries of the disagreement.

You really do eat the propaganda from the military don't you.

Way to communicate. I'm sure your patience, empathy and understanding will bring love and peace to /. in no time.

Oh wait, maybe I misinterpreted that statement as being condescending. Either way, maybe you should consider improving your communication with people you do not agree with.

God I love irony.

Re:Those who join will become killers.

Human society is based on violence. What you're suggesting is that we all just stop being human. Good luck with that.

they do

Actually, they do. The military has no problem hiring the very best if they want to. Half the best physicists and electrical engineers I knew at MIT -- and the better half, typically -- went either directly into the military (via ROTC) or worked for defense contractors. Why not? It's where the really interesting physics and engineering was being done, the pay and benefits were great, and you weren't hassled by dumbass marketing suits wanting you to make your product cute or cheap.

The military wants their tech to work and be way cooler and better than anyone else's stuff, cost to them is no object, and they don't give a fuck what it looks like or whether it "appeals" to the critical 18-25 Facebook demographic. It's going to be painted olive drab anyway, and soldiers will be told to use it, not begged. Fairly ideal working conditions for a really smart technical person, I'd say. The only drawback is the various amounts of bureaucratic bullshit you have to cope with, which tops the level in a good private firm.

Anyway, I've never heard of a good technical job in the military or one of its prime contractors, or one of the defense-associated national labs, not drawing a huge raft of top-notch applicants. It's agencies like the EPA which pay terribly, have hideous civil-service and union rules weighing them down, and which, frankly, involve boring and outdated technology, which end up desperate to hire even third-rate people.

Re:not a bad deal really

It is weapons training day at military camp. The instructor is running through some of the kit trainees will be using. "OK, moving on. The next weapon I am showing you here can be used to devastating effect --- in the correct hands and under the right circumstances. We call it vmsplice_to_user()..."

Re:this is good but

Military culture is kinda sorta the complete and total opposite of geekdom.

You've obviously never been in a maintenance shop before then. LAN parties were the norm most weekends back in the day. Now that almost everyone has broadband most everyone is playing WOW or other online game together. Whole sections go raiding and then talk about it the whole next day. It drives me nuts and cracks me up at the same time since these same guys pick on the "socially inept" for being nerds.

The level of geekdom varies, but the whole spectrum can be found, most are just gamers, many build their own computers, some are digital/3D artists, and a minority are your uber "look what hardware/software creation/hack I came up with this weekend" nerds.

I wouldn't buy the whole "they may not be able to run three miles and carry a pack" the Air Force is kicking people out left and right for being too fat and lazy. They like to call it "Fit to Fight", even though most of our jobs requirements are "Fit to Sit", they're just trying to cut down on the medical bills they have to pay.

Re:In the words of another military leader:

Hasn't the military been getting people to sign up by blatantly lying to them about what they'd wind up doing once they got in for...ever? Once they get you to sign on the dotted line, it doesn't matter if they told you that you WOULD be smoking pot and playing video games all day. They can put you wherever they need you once you sign. No complaints, no law suits, nothing. Door to door in Iraq or afghanistan. Who knows, you could wind up hacking all day.