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Software Developer Beats Pirate in Boxing Ring 347

Posted by ScuttleMonkey
from the get-in-the-ring dept.
utki writes "The Moscow Times is reporting that the chief software architect at Russian software developer Cognitive Technologies, Andrei Smirnov, recently won a boxing match organized between himself and a software pirate he caught selling bootlegged software CD's at a Moscow market. At last, a practical and entertaining model for dealing with software piracy (MPAA and RIAA take note), and perhaps a useful way to channel Steve Ballmer's aggression too."
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Software Developer Beats Pirate in Boxing Ring

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  • by Surt (22457) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:36PM (#14990500) Homepage Journal
    Words are not the answer, fists will better solve your problems.
    • Re:remember kids: (Score:5, Insightful)

      by HolyCrapSCOsux (700114) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:38PM (#14990512)
      Would have been slightly more interesting if the outcome was the opposite.
      • Re:remember kids: (Score:5, Insightful)

        by Valdrax (32670) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:44PM (#14990569)
        Would have been slightly more interesting if the outcome was the opposite.

        No it wouldn't. Continuing the fight was the pirate's idea (no idea who started it). It's poetic justice that the thug who wanted to keep fighting got a beating for it.

        Of course, I much prefer living in a country where the cops tell both sides to cool it off, but maybe that's just me.
        • Actually I think the outcome is much more interesting to consider if the guy we think of as 'good' is the loser. In this case the guy who is doing the 'pirating' and the thuggery loses.

          • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Insightful)

            by NATIK (836405)
            You really think that a guy selling bootlegged software at a market in Moscow is the good guy?!

            If he had just downloaded something and got caught for that I might have agreed, but not when he is actually selling the stuff to people on the street.
        • Of course, I much prefer living in a country where the cops tell both sides to cool it off, but maybe that's just me.

          Na, boxing is perfectly fine and a good way to resolve matters personally in a sporting enviroment. Now if we are talking about street fighting, then I agree with you.
          • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Interesting)

            by drinkypoo (153816)
            Personally, I'd prefer it if it were ok to have street fights, but both sides had to sign a waiver in the presence of a responsible individual (like a law enforcement officer) and they should only be allowed to do this if they have their own health insurance or otherwise are capable of paying their own medical bills. Society shouldn't foot the bill for it, but who are we to tell people they can't fight if they want to?
            • The problem is that some people are smart enough to use tools. When you use tools in a fight, it becomes a whole different issue. Perticularly when those of us that are patient and have good stratigic skill get involved. Unless for some reason you feel that we should encourage physical size over intelligence, and rash behavior over good planning.
              • Unless for some reason you feel that we should encourage physical size over intelligence, and rash behavior over good planning.

                Since there's no way to come up with a fair fight, I'd say that melee weapons should be allowed so long as both participants agree, but no projectile weapons should be allowed on any account, because of the potential injury to a bystander.

                If you don't want to fight someone because you think they'll kick your ass, don't agree to fight with them, don't sign the waiver. No pro

              • by Idimmu Xul (204345)

                The problem is that some people are smart enough to use tools. When you use tools in a fight, it becomes a whole different issue. Perticularly when those of us that are patient and have good stratigic skill get involved. Unless for some reason you feel that we should encourage physical size over intelligence, and rash behavior over good planning.

                The problem is that some people are intelligent but have no common sense. It's all about moderation, why can't you be both intelligent and physically capable? S

            • So other people paying into the insurnace policy should pay for it? Yeah right. Pay out of pocket or just suck it up. Insurance should not cover self-initiated acts of public (or private) stupidity.
              • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Insightful)

                by drinkypoo (153816)
                I doubt insurance would cover the fights without additional insurance; presumably, only other people with the same kind of insurance would be helping to foot the bill. I would assume that this is the way the kind of insurance boxers and race car drivers have works already... If not, why don't you worry about what's already wrong instead of my pie in the sky idea that will never fly, at least not in the USA?
            • by chris_eineke (634570) on Friday March 24, 2006 @06:00PM (#14991161) Homepage Journal
              My god, that sounds like a good piece of good comedy right there.

              A horde of thugs storms into a police building, wearing hoodies, lots of bling, and Mercedes-Benz pendants...

              Thug 1: Officer! Of-fic-cer!

              Clerk looks up, eyes the gang

              Clerk: Yes, what can I do for you?

              Thug 1: We need to pop a cap in each other's asses, yo.

              Clerk: Ah, yes. I see. Okay, everyone needs to fill out form Gee Emm One Three Dash Twenty-Three and sign this weaver.

              Thug 2: I ain't signin' no beaver!

              Clerk: No beavers here, son.

              Thug 2: I ain't seein' no women here!

              Clerk gets annoyed.

              Clerk: Son, if you want to fuck with me, you need to fill out form Gee Tee Eff Out Pronto. Now take this pen, sign here, here, here, and here. You guys can then pass through here and go into our backyard. Enjoy your battle and don't try to kill to many people.

              The thugs start walking

              Clerk: Oh, I forgot to tell you that'll cost you 100 bucks for each of you.

              Thugs turn around

              Clerk: Sorry, it's an administrative fee.

              Thugs turn to themselves, huddle together, then suddenly one of them throws a bundle of money at the clerk.

              Clerk: Thanks.

              Brought to you by your Libertarian Party. ;-)
      • OT: Sig (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Anonymous Coward
        49 20 64 65 63 6F 64 65 64 20 79 6F 75 72 20 73 69 67 20 66 6F 72 20 74 68 65 20 73 61 6D 65 20 72 65 61 73 6F 6E 20 79 6F 75 20 64 65 63 6F 64 65 64 20 74 68 69 73 2E 20 3A 2D 50
      • by Red Flayer (890720) on Friday March 24, 2006 @05:10PM (#14990780) Journal
        If he was a real pirate, he would have brought a cutlass. His own fault that he lost, really.

        /Yarrrr.
    • Re:remember kids: (Score:2, Informative)

      by Excen (686416)
      Words are not the answer, fists will better solve your problems.
       
      Except in the realm of sexual frustration.
    • We are clearly at a point where words are not necessarily always a good answer. Look at our situation: a generation of kids were raised on 'fight mature, settle it in court' and now we have armies of lawyers and volumes of bad bad laws made by people who decided to molest the legal system into seeing it their way. There are too many good examples of this to name. Clearly, words are not always the answer. Violence is not always the answer. What is?
    • Re:remember kids: (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Lumpy (12016) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:55PM (#14990656) Homepage
      Actually at times it is.

      My daughter was constantly beign harassed by this girl at school that was patting her down and stealing her money, cellphone,etc...

      I told her that next time to grab her hair and pull down as hard as she can and put her knee in her face as hard as she can without saying a word.

      It worked. she did it, the brat went down hard with a broken nose and when the school tried to expel my daughter I was all over the Principal poised with a letter from my lawyer with documentation of the number of times we reported this to him and he did nothing and asked... " How do you want to handle this?" he backed down and let things go.

      My daughter has the right to defend her self, and I tell her this daily. She has been "mugged" 5 times in the hallway by this girl and finally had enough. The school refused to deal with it and now the "tough kids" keep away from her because they now know she will fight back hard and without warning. And this is the good school in my area.

      Being known as the "crazy" kid in school to the hoodlums is a good thing. I had to put a kid's head through the locker in Junior high to get them to leave me the hell alone. Parents need to be ready to fully back their children when they defend themselves.
      • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by Surt (22457)
        That's all true, and we all do have the right to defend ourselves. But you won't always have the ability to do so, and so I certainly would have reported the thefts and any physical attacks to the police immediately after the principal refused to solve the problem. Once the police reports start getting taken, you'd be surprised how fast school administrators will jump to solve the problem. Police reports create a nice audit trail for lawsuits, and that fear will get your problem solved in no time, with t
        • Re:remember kids: (Score:2, Interesting)

          by billcopc (196330)
          Perhaps in your part of the world, the police force still has power. Where I live, they would treat this sort of call like they do just about anything else that doesn't carry the sensationalism of violence, drugs or sex : they will "file" a "report" and forget about it, partly because they're overloaded with more serious and urgent issues, and partly because today's people can hardly wipe their own ass without calling someone in desperation. The police get calls from upper-white-trash folk about "shady ch
        • Re:remember kids: (Score:5, Insightful)

          by Atzanteol (99067) on Friday March 24, 2006 @05:36PM (#14991011) Homepage
          I don't do this too often, but I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that you're wrong and why: you've taught the child to 'get somebody else to solve their poblems.'

          Fighting a bully has two very important results:

          1) Staving off the bully. Not always permanantly, but at least 'for a while.'
          2) Building self-respect and confidence in the child defending his/herself.

          (2) is must more long-lasting than (1), and therefore much more imporant IMHO. While you may stop the bully from fighting you by calling the police, you've now likely unleashed *years* of being called a 'tattle' and 'baby' by not only the bullies, but others who will view your actions as weak or 'weird.' Thus making a bad situation worse. Can you call the cops for children making fun of you? No. You can't always rely on others, but you *can* rely on yourself.

          I had my bully in grade-school. Every year he would pick a fight with me, or tease me, or whatever. Every year my mother told me to go "punch him in the nose" and I would. He'd lay off for a year or so, and I'd do it again. Every time I fought back I felt better about myself. Not because I liked fighting (far from it), but like a "man" I defended my right to exist without help from others. Sure I got hurt. But that only lasted short amount of time. The confidence I recieved, however, has lasted much longer. To this day I'm not afraid to fight back either verbally or physically, though I prefer verbally. I wasn't taught to be violent, but to have self respect and not let others walk all over me.

          I welcome a counter argument, but I'm unlikely to be swayed. I've heard many people say "I wish I'd fought back" on some matter, and I've *never* heard anybody say "wow, I should have just run for help rather than arguing back."
          • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Interesting)

            by Anonymous Coward
            One time I was sprayed with mace by a few stupid kids about 1 ft shorter than me while I was visiting Russia. It was at close enough range that I suspect they tagged themselves pretty good too. It took 3 days to wear off.

            I certainly didn't give them any money, but I mentioned "Fuck off" and turned around and slowly walked away. Most Russians don't have contact lenses, which I was later told gave me an extra 30-45 seconds. They probably thought I was Superman.

            My friend wanted to beat the hell out of them, a
          • I don't do this too often, but I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that you're wrong and why: you've taught the child to 'get somebody else to solve their poblems.'

            Hear hear!

            Rather than a counter argument, I want to say that you are 100% correct IMO.

            There is no other person or establishment that you can depend on to defend your right to exist better than you can do for yourself. Period. Calling the cops or filing lawsuits can even make matters worse, because it can piss off the person/people that are
          • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Interesting)

            by MutantHamster (816782)
            Concerning number one is the problem that school is not a boxing ring. There is a chance you will encourage a bully to leave you alone temporarily, but often a child like this won't accept getting bested like that. They are likely to plan some sort of retaliation; it's not uncommon for them to get a group of other students to ambush you. There's also the risk that they may have a gun. It may sound drastic but at the public school I go to in a decent, suburban area it's not uncommon for kids to claim popular
          • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Insightful)

            by wolfponddelta (922904)
            Yeah, sure. Always fight back. Teach your kids that if someone tries to mug you at gunpoint, don't run away for hp, fight back!! Had a college roommate who was on vacation with other friends in a city. Some people tried to mug them, at gunpoint. One of the tough guy idiots with them decided he would fight back. My roommate was shot, the "tough" guy ran away. The whole group that was mugged says "wow, I should have just run for help rather than arguing back."

            Throughout school, I was tiny, and so bul

            • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Insightful)

              by Atzanteol (99067)
              Yeah, sure. Always fight back.

              Obviously you mis-judged my point a bit (or are attacking a straw-man). But that may have been my fault as I never mentioned that this isn't a "blanket condition." Obviously one should only fight back when it's a valid option. Two kids on a playground - sure. A guy with a gun vs. me? No, sorry.

              Other than that we 'mostly' agree I think. What pisses me off is the "tell you kid to never fight" crowd. You fought and you lost. But you *fought*. There's a big differen
              • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Interesting)

                by Thing 1 (178996)

                There's a big difference between somebody who won't defend themself and somebody who will fight a losing battle.

                Exactly. As a child, I never understood the bullies. I would be nice to them, and they'd pound me into the ground again. Then, the instant I started to fight back (around 8th grade), I started gaining respect from them, and actually became friends with some of them.

                The biggest difference between doormats and losing fighters is: the aggressor knows exactly what to expect from a doormat:

            • But also teach them there are other ways.

              For example, doing homeworks for somebody stronger, who will be your rent-a-fist.

          • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Insightful)

            by karmatic (776420)
            I've been there, and there are most definatly times when fighting is necessary.

            During High School, I was in the sum total of 2 fights. Both were with people I dealt with on a regular basis. I'm rather skinny, and as the resident "computer geek", people figured I was on the weak side. I'm also 6'10" (not too big a secret), and have a 720 pound leg press (you can't tell by looking).

            The first issue I had was with a wrestler in choir class (don't ask). He kept hounding me, harassing me verbally, and after a
      • I would say thats a pretty over the top and almost criminal reaction.

        Your daughter does indeed have a right to defend herself, as we all do. But telling her to take an action that is far more severe and dangerous than the bullying is a dubious reaction at best. I understand your desire to have her fight back and make her boundries known to her aggressor, but using THAT type is force is NOT justifiable.

        The larger concern here is she could have killed the girl if that nose had broken wrong. And we must al

        • But telling her to take an action that is far more severe and dangerous than the bullying is a dubious reaction at best.

          I don't know if a fight is more severe and dangerous than bullying. A fight hurts, but even the loser usually gets over it pretty quick, at least at the grade school level. Bullying, however, causes severe emotional stress over a prolonged period.

          That one fight might have prevented far more damage than it caused.

        • by Fnkmaster (89084) on Friday March 24, 2006 @07:41PM (#14991720)
          Sorry, you're totally wrong. Kneeing somebody in the face is absolutely a justifiable response to a mugging. He didn't tell his daughter to shoot to kill, though depending on the severity of a mugging, the law might look at that as a justifiable response as well (in this case, probably not).

          If somebody has beaten and bloodied you in order to steal your money or possessions and attempts to do so again, then beating and bloodying them when attacked (not as a retributive move) could not possibly be seen as excessive force.

          If they choose to escalate further from there, and somebody were to say, put a bullet in their head in self-defense, then it is entirely justified too. The police are there to protect and serve, but they can't watch your back every minute. Self-defense from violent criminals is a constitutionally-guaranteed right (this is coming from a fairly liberal Democrat too, though I am admittedly pro-Second Amendment, within a reasonable context).
      • Re:remember kids: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Eivind (15695)
        It's a balance, many people forget that.

        As you say, while it's not ok to go around looking for a figth, that doesn't mean you have to accept *anything*. It's allowed defending yourself.

        Many kids don't really know that they're allowed and indeed encouraged to break "rules" when the situation warrants it. They think the rules apply all the time.

        I once had to try to calm down a 13 year old girl that had, on purpose, thrown a chair trough a window to get out in a fire. (the windows of the room she was in,

    • Its better than the alternative: Lawyers.
    • I sure wish I had the opportunity to beat the crap out of the low-life that joe-jobbed the email account that I was using for my business.
  • by smoor (961352) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:37PM (#14990507)
    Man, I can already see the reality show... It will be like People's Court with a twist. Wapner can be the ref... "The Ring of Justice"
    • by Anonymous Coward
      Yeah, we could call it the Jerry Springer Show.
    • Man, I can already see the reality show... It will be like People's Court with a twist. Wapner can be the ref... "The Ring of Justice"

      Nay nay! I suggest FOX hosts it, and it be named "The Ring of Death". The pirates who choose, can defend themselves against the *AA's gladiators. And who needs Wapner, we'll get Gonzales himself.

      And, we can throw single-mothers and little old ladies who don't own computers to the Lions.

      It'll be awesome. Just like the old Roman Colliseum. And, we'll play it live with the

  • Finally! (Score:5, Funny)

    by matt328 (916281) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:39PM (#14990524)
    I wouldn't mind being challenged to go a few rounds with the artists/movie producers whose works I've pirated. Depending on the artist, I could probably go 10 rounds on hate alone.
    • Re:Finally! (Score:5, Funny)

      by iamlucky13 (795185) on Friday March 24, 2006 @05:02PM (#14990718)
      Ok, since we're talking software pirates here, not real pirates (otherwise the outcome would be obvious) who wins in an average matchup?

      Software pirate - Probably very pale and skinny due to skipping meals and time outside in order hack or organize pirated playlists. Resulting low vitamin intake can affect durability. Small target. Hyped up on caffeine. +5 to defense, +7 to speed, -10 to HP, -4 to strength. Levels up 20% faster due to time spent playing Fight Night on modded Xbox.

      Software designer - Tends to be larger due to snacking on the job. Caffeine adds no bonus (addicted). Large mass can offer several advantages. -4 to defense, -10 to speed, +10 to HP, +6 to strength. Can invoke Putrid Socks of Nonwashing.
      • I would think that the pirate would actually be more likely to have the putrid socks of nonwashing, unless his mom is taking care of his laundry.
    • You're one of those pirates who pirated Gigli, aren't you? Maybe you could explain how that happens exactly, I remember when this last came up how people were really baffled about that.

    • Why would you pirate (or buy) something from some artist you hated?
    • How about for works that I've not pirated, but just hated after spending hard earned cash on them?

      I'd **love** to kick Uwe Boll's ass for ruining so many good video games.

  • by tizzyD (577098) <tizzyd@NospaM.gmail.com> on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:39PM (#14990527) Homepage
    Do I get to open up a can of Whoop Ass on Ballmer for making me buy PCs with Windows? He's robbing from me!

    Come to think of it, after seeing "Dance Monkey Boy," I see that his kung fu is quite strong. I doubt though that he could defend against my Iron Developer Technique!
    • Ok... I saw Ballmer in person about a year back and let me just say... good luck!

      Say whatever bad shit you want about Microsoft, Ballmer etc, but I wouldn't say it to this guys face. Hes like 6'5 and built like a linebacker. Plus this guy looks mean... I think he would still look mean petting a kitten or kissing a baby. He would hand you your ass without breaking a sweat.
  • Ballmer? (Score:5, Funny)

    by DrMrLordX (559371) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:40PM (#14990532)
    I thought he screamed, postured, and threw his own feces when threatened. Boxing doesn't seem to be his thing.
  • Yar Matey (Score:3, Insightful)

    by LordPhantom (763327) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:40PM (#14990538)
    wow
    Nerd Rage at it's finest - what exactly was the positive side of this for either of them?
    Only thing I can think of is a cheap publicity stunt....
    • Only thing I can think of is a cheap publicity stunt....

      Southwest Airlines famously settled a trademark infringement suit with an arm-wrestling match [airandspacemagazine.com] between CEO's.

      (Warning: link not really unsafe for work but does feature a loud Howard Dean-ish scream, so beware if you're not on headphones.)

  • should have gone with Chess Boxing [wcbo.org] instead. that would have been awesome.
  • I'm not a fan of physical violence as an entertainment sport (despite having done karate for 20 years) but this just has to be an exception. It's so Just it must be a lie :o)

    Nice story though, and thats all that counts.
  • by kitejumping (953022) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:43PM (#14990560) Homepage
    Pirates friend: It's suicide! You've seen him, you know how strong he is. You can't win!
    Smirnov: You will lose.
    Software Dev's friend: Whatever he hits, he destroys.
    Smirnov: I must break you.
    Smirnov: If he dies, he dies.
  • and perhaps a useful way to channel Steve Ballmer's aggression too

    Oh no, no chairs allowed in here, sir!

  • This makes one wonder...
     
    Is [insert software company here] hiring Boxing champions just in case someone decides to pirate their software ;-0

     
    Bet a lot of 'open software' writers are happy that pirating GPL software isn't a serious option...

    Roel
  • by slaker (53818) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:46PM (#14990592)
    Woe be to software developers who persecute The Chosen of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! I foresee noodly vengence! When the seas turn red from Marinara and the pirates run rampant through the streets of Moscow, all will know the power and glory of Pastafarianism!

    RAmen
  • by stinky wizzleteats (552063) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:46PM (#14990596) Homepage Journal
    I can't wait to see a "kick your ass" provision in a shrinkwrap license.
  • Ballmerized (Score:3, Insightful)

    by HunterZ (20035) on Friday March 24, 2006 @04:52PM (#14990638) Journal
    perhaps a useful way to channel Steve Ballmer's aggression too.

    Chair throwing is more of a pro-wrestling thing than a boxing thing last I checked...
  • if the software pirate wasn't tied down to a chair. :)

    Really, how do we know it didn't happen that way? TFA states, "Manager of the company's software department, Andrei Smirnov, offered to fight the dealer in a fitness center. He defeated the computer pirate 24-16 in three rounds, lasting three minutes each."

    16 points being tied down, though - that's one tough "boxing" opponent! :)
  • by cpt_rhetoric (740663) on Friday March 24, 2006 @05:00PM (#14990703)
    "Mike Tyson, VP of Software Sales for XXXX, sucessfully defends World Patent Championship belt"

    In other news, "Don King promotes new Dice.com job search section aimed at boxing elite"
  • by dominator (61418) on Friday March 24, 2006 @05:04PM (#14990729) Homepage
    against 85 year old ex-MPAA mogul Jack Valenti ;)

    *ducks*
  • Andrei Smirnov, recently won a boxing match organized between himself and a software pirate

    Was he sure it was the real pirate, and not a copy? Did he check his license file? :)

  • 'Cause then he could go for the chair!

  • by WaR.KiN (805785)
    In Soviet Russia, software cracks YOU!
  • Here in the US we prefer chairs over fists.
  • If only every exec can be so civilized....
  • I wonder how he'd do against Ivan Drago.
  • I could go for that.

    "It's the BOXERS! BOXERS! BOXERS!"

  • I call SCO! I won't even have to bulk up! But expect alot of shit talking from them pre-match. :)
  • by OldManAndTheC++ (723450) on Friday March 24, 2006 @05:36PM (#14991006)
    ... it would have been even better if it had been Steve Ballmer walking down the street and seeing a copy of Microsoft Office for sale, and getting into a fight with the pirate - but the pirate was actually Hulk Hogan, and they were stopped by the police, and Hulk was all like "You want some more, punk!?", and Ballmer was all like "Bring it on, bitch! I'll fucking kill you!", and they got in a cage wrestling match and Ballmer threw a chair at him.

    Now THAT would be cool ...

  • I'm cool with using physical violence to resolve file-sharing disputes with the *AA's, but my vision is closer to the lynching scene in Frankenstein.

    Peasants: Burn Hilary Rosen, burn!
    Hilary: Rarrrrgh! RAAArrrghhh!

  • by Trogre (513942) on Friday March 24, 2006 @08:03PM (#14991815) Homepage
    The chair!!! Give him the CHAIR!!!
  • by Vadim Makarov (529622) <makarov@vad1.com> on Saturday March 25, 2006 @10:30AM (#14993422) Homepage
    1. Please don't get an impression fighting was his only option. It was his choice to brawl, fine. However, our IP law does work in case of violations (I've tried it first-hand a year ago). The Russian software developer could have reported to the police, taken the seller to the court, and get him convicted/fined.

    2. Piracy is a more complex problem than you Americans think. Many do not have money to buy licensed software. It's often simply not an option, period. This is why software piracy is so prevalent and accepted here.

    3. If you want a personal perspective on video piracy, have a look at my review [vad1.com]. When I did buy licensed DVDs, they were of lower quality than pirated ones more often than not.

    I'm not advocating anything, just trying to state the state of the facts.

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