Spoiler-Free Review of Indiana Jones 219
Following last week's sour review of Indiana Jones, Seamus123 links us to
"A spoiler-free review of the brilliant new Indiana Jones film, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Much has been made of the revival of the series: is Harrison Ford too old, is Shia LeBeouf any good and can it live up to the three previous movies? All these questions — and some surprising answers — are found in Den of Geek's review." Personally I'll see it no matter what.
Shia LeBeouf to Carry on the Franchise? (Score:5, Interesting)
Could this be good? Maybe. But I sure will lament the loss of Ford. In any event I hope to god that LeBeouf's character doesn't assume Indie's role or character or name directly in the coming movies. I haven't seen Crystal Skull yet so I can't say if they're setting us up for that the end (I hope not).
You know, I love the attitude of Indiana Jones and everything about the character but I'm going to get tired of it if you keep rehashing it. You know, it's ok to try out new things and introduce new personalities. In fact, it's almost required for the audience not to lose their interests. Hell, I wouldn't even mind if Lucas kept stealing high level plot lines from Akira Kurosawa films--so long as I don't get the same thing in 6+ movies of a diluted film franchise.
I joked with my roommates that we're not far from Lucas re-releasing a "Special Edition" of The Last Crusade where River Phoenix is superimposed with the image of Shia LeBeouf for continuity (a la Anakin Skywalker's apparition in Return of the Jedi). I know he's not the young version of Indiana Jones but I'm so sick and tired of that kind of stuff. Where's Drew Berrymore so she can step in and convince Lucas we should take this chance to replace all the scary whips in Indiana Jones with licorice sticks.
Re:Shia LeBeouf to Carry on the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Shia LeBeouf to Carry on the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:Shia LeBeouf to Carry on the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
Uh... I assune you mean Drew Barrymore. Drew Berrymore's a _completely_ different actress and trust me, she wouldn't be asking for any whips to be removed...
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Hey Indy! Hey Indy! We're going to Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain! Come on, Indy!
[Indiana Jones ends up in a dark cave.]
Oh, they took my kidney.
What a sad excuse for an Indiana Jones movie that would be....
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Sorry. Couldn't resist. Sometimes it's just too easy.
My review: (Score:2, Insightful)
Next.
Re:My review: (Score:5, Interesting)
The most famous one, the Mitchell-Hedges skull has not been allowed to be studied, but it was reportedly found in Lubaantun in Belize (when it was British Honduras). The problem is, no one acknowledges the finder, Anna Mitchell-Hedges was at the dig, though later her adopted father said in his autobiography (I think) the skull was at least 3600 years old. I severely doubt that it is authentic and believe it is more of a money/attention grab, but it fits well with Indiana Jones since all of the movies have been about mythological objects that may or may not be real.
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Meesa gonna see it too! (Score:5, Funny)
Meesa no wait for poodoo reviews! Meesa gonna give bigsa clink-clink to franchise rightawaysa! What could go wrongsa?
Re:Meesa gonna see it too! (Score:5, Funny)
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of English teachers suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.
Re:Meesa gonna see it too! (Score:5, Funny)
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RIP Denholm Elliott (Score:5, Funny)
Elsa: It's perfectly obvious where the pages are... he's given them to Marcus Brody.
Henry: Marcus?! You didn't drag poor Marcus along did you? He's not up to the challenge.
Donovan: He sticks out like a sore thumb. We'll find him.
Indy: The hell you will! He's got a two day head start on you, which is more than he needs. Brody's got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the grail already.
(next scene)
(Brody disembarks from the train along with the other passengers, a cross-section of Arabs and Turks.)
Brody: Is there anyone here who speaks English? Or maybe even ancient Greek?
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-rides off into sunset
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An hommage to W. C. Fields.
rj
No matter what? (Score:5, Funny)
Then the terrorists have already won
Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Insightful)
When I do know the ending from hearing it from others, it has no affect on my enjoyment of the movie. Great film making is great film making. Everyone knew the ending of "Titanic" but it is the biggest blockbuster ever.
I want to know everything about the movie before I go a spend $10 on a ticket to see it. Nothing pisses me off more than going out with the wife and spending $20 on shit.
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* spoiler alert! (Was I supposed to say that first?)
Re:Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Funny)
Even more amusing is the IMDB entry:
Apparently the Titanic sank because of hypothermia. Poor ship just needed a blanket and a Cup O' Noodles.
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+5, Awesome, good sir.
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Comment removed (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Memento (Score:4, Insightful)
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Re:Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:5, Interesting)
One of my favorite movies is The Man from Earth. Simple, 0 CGI and it's a great discussion and there's even a small plot twist at the end.
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Meh, I guessed the secret of "The Sixth Sense" in the hospital after the kid has the attack/fit/seizure thing. I thought it was blindingly obvious, personally, although I guess it's one of those "either you can see it or you can't" things.
"The Others", on the other hand (pun not intended) I guessed literally as it was being revealed - it hit me as she opened the door to reveal the twist. *That* was cool.
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I saw The Sixth Sense first and was surprised, saw The Others second and wasn't, because it's very nearly the same twist with an otherwise different plot. That is to say, the twist didn't surprise me specifically because I'd seen The Sixth Sense and was looking for a twist of a similar kind. I have a feeling I'd have enjoyed The Others a lot more if I'd seen them the other way around.
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It has some twists, but even if you guess all of them in the first five minutes of the film, you will feel the movie.
In fact, it's quite scary/frightening if you're the right kind of person. And, it's better than both 'The Sixth Sense' and 'The Others'.
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The Crying Game wasn't really a Hollywood film anyway.
You *WILL* be surprised [spoilers] (Score:2)
I don't know about you guys, but when I see the ending of this movie, I guarantee that I won't be surprised.
No, I guaratee that you will be surprised... ...at how much Holywood can manage to ruin a movie.
[spoiler:]
There's a damned giant flying saucer, that has nothing to do here and completely ruins the franchise.
WTF? Did Spielberg run out of ancient culture to use as a historical background to Indy's adventure, so he was desperate to put some E.T. in there ?
Or is "Putting flying saucers that have nothing to do with the movie" Spielberg's latest "signature" ?
Thankfully, the movie it self doesn't depend on some "
Re:You *WILL* be surprised [spoilers] (Score:4, Interesting)
I doesn't fit with the franchise style. (Score:3, Insightful)
How is a UFO more unbelievable than a vengeful god
It just doesn't fit in the mood which was set by the franchise. I'm watching Indiana Jones movies to see exotic and/or ancient civilisation and mythologies ; not a damned E.T. which is missing one last part to be able to finally phone home. (Unless the movie is expressly advertised as a Indiana Jones / E.T. crossover).
An UFO is as much appropriate in a franchise which up to now focused on ancient civilisation and magic, as it would be in, say, a Fantasy movie such as Conan, LOTR, Harry Potter, etc...
What's
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Apparently, even the screenwriters couldn't figure out who killed one of the characters (the chauffeur). So they called Raymond Chandler, the author of the book, and he said he couldn't figure it out either.
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Artistically, a movie should be a unified whole. The ending MUST follow from the body of the film, otherwise the movie is incoherent and without purpose.
um-- your 'predictability' factor (Score:2)
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You must have seen them out-of-order as "The Crying Game" was released in 1992 and "Stargate" in 1994. If you'd seen them as released, you might have been more surprised.
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The only time I've ever been surprised by a movie ending was "The Sixth Sense".
I wasn't. Because the stupid newspaper decided to give the ending away. Ok, it had been several months after release, but still a spoiler warning would have been nice.
Even "Crying Game" didn't surprise me
Me neither. I figured out the secret before the surprise was revealed. Which was good, because I got to pay attention to a good movie instead of focusing on just one scene.
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No, it just may mean I'm not the sharpest tack in the bunch here.
Re:Spoiiler Free ...HA! (Score:4, Funny)
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Shia The Cow (Score:3, Funny)
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Doctah Jones! Doctah Jones!
Re:Shia The Cow (Score:5, Funny)
You call him "Doctor Jones", doll!
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There's nothing sadder than adults that go to a children's movie and then are surprised when the movie is "childish." My 6 year-old son thought the movie was great, and I thought that the movie was surprisingly good considering it is a movie featuring a talking semi-truck.
The reality of the situation is that the Transformers cartoon was only good because a) you were a kid, and b) the alternatives were shows like the Smurfs.
CGI (Score:5, Insightful)
Thank god. CGI made Star Wars 3 one of the worst movies I've ever seen. "This chair doesn't look quite right, can you paint it orange?" "I'll just make a quick 3d model of it instead. You know -- to ensure the movie doesn't look too real."
Re:CGI (Score:5, Insightful)
I really think directors need to stick to using "real" effects instead of cgi simulations. We can still tell the difference, so all it does is interrupt the movie and make me aware that I'm really watching a movie. The goal should be to immerse the viewer, no matter how outlandish the plot may be, and not to make him say 'wow, that looked so fake.' And while I'm at it, I'd rather see some sort of puppet/animatron than a cgi character to be completely honest, however, LOTR did a good job with Gollum.
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Computer graphics can be realistic, but movie producers will not pay for the top-notch graphics packages and artists, making some CGI effects totally unbelievable.
One such movie was Airforce One. The CGI plane looked worse than the ones in Crysis...
Re:CGI (Score:4, Insightful)
The move back to "the old-fashioned way" is a wise choice. I do not want a CGI Ford bouncing around like Yoda. Even Del Toro (for the Hobbit) seems to agree http://www.ifitsmovies.com/2008/04/28/guillermo-del-toro-talks-the-hobbit-plus-its-sequel/ [ifitsmovies.com].
And why not CGI? Well, look at Blade Runner, Alien, and the original Star Wars movies. They felt so real because the models were real.
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And you are correct- in MOST cases, it just doesn't look real yet. It's darn close- but even when it looks perfect, the subtle physics or lighting don't mesh with the movie.
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More like "a conscious decision was made by the marketing team to make press releases claiming that the production steered clear of CGI". Watch the movie and you'll see.
Spoiler (Score:5, Funny)
Why couldn't they have just left this alone? (Score:2, Insightful)
If it weren't for the creative young directors coming
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Old (as in "aged") characters: fine. Old (as in "recycled") characters: lame.
Re:Why couldn't they have just left this alone? (Score:4, Funny)
Short -term memory syndrome. (Score:3, Interesting)
However, I have absolutely no understanding why.
Please can someone explain to me, why that when the 1st Star Wars Prequel was widely regarded as a crime against celluloid, and the 2nd Prequel proved, if anything, to be even worse that the 1st, that anyone at all went to see the 3rd Prequel.
George Lucas is a filmmaker that has made an extremely large amount of money based on a very small number of good films made more than 20 years ago, while the majority of his work is very poor indeed. One might also say that for Spielberg too.
If you have high expectations for this movie, then might I suggest that you are possibly suffering from amnesia, or are 5.
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Re:Short-term memory syndrome. (Score:2)
It stars an elderly man, whom despite enjoying roguish Sean-Connery-esque charm has never actually had the ability to act more than "let's pretend". That being the method of acting he employs (and I quote).
It also stars a young man who displays all the ability and hype of a young Ikea-nu Reeves. Popular with tweenage girls and middle-aged gay men, but devoid of any, you know, actual acting talent.
It will however make squillions of dollars. And likely send indie filmmakers further
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Morbid curiosity.
Re:Short -term memory syndrome. (Score:4, Insightful)
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Yes, because Lucas' directors took his stories and told him to take a hike over the implementation. Hopefully, Spielberg has laid it on the line to George here. If ESB had been left to Lucas, the thing would have sucked like a black hole. Not even light would have escaped, and I shudder to think at what we would have lost.
The special effects were better in the originals (they actually looked real, and they actually were special
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Please can someone explain to me, why that when the 1st Star Wars Prequel was widely regarded as a crime against celluloid, and the 2nd Prequel proved, if anything, to be even worse that the 1st, that anyone at all went to see the 3rd Prequel.
I sympathize, but I think you're letting your hatred of the Star Wars prequels cloud your judgment. Surely you're jumping the gun to conclude that all prequels to classic movies will inevitably be new Jar Jar Binks movies*.
*Those words at the end of that sentence came dangerously close to being "Jar Jar Binks, the Movie", something that sends a chill down my spine.
honestly now (Score:4, Insightful)
Why? Just because of the first two words in the title? That, frankly, is a piss-poor reason to see a movie.
Yours is the exact attitude that causes movie studios to continue producing terrible sequels and re-makes instead of movies that are worth watching. Why innovate when you can imitate for cheaper and people will eat it up anyway, right?
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Who cares that Hollywood spits out a ton of shit, there are quality movies in circulation anyway. But if I want to slip back in my 12 years old self I go and see 'crap' movies like this, or even Rocky VI. Why? Because.
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See, innovation isn't cheap, it has a cost and a risk. If a company has plenty of income and revenue and spare cash, when they get asked 'do you want to take a risk with this?' they are more likely to answer yes, than if they're strapped for cash and are struggling to make it through.
There's plenty of quotes around from people in production companies who say 'we mass produce all this
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Get over yourself, shithead.
Re:honestly now (Score:5, Insightful)
How did you come to that conclusion? It is the fourth film in a franchise that has produced, at the very least, some entertaining movies.
And if there is imitation going on, it is all the people from the first three imitating themselves. This isn't some Flavor of the Month franchise that they handed to a no name director because the guy that handled the first one moved on to bigger and better things. This is the team that brought us one of the most iconic action movies of recent times taking another stab at the character.
In my book, that's a damn good reason to see a movie.
Yes, even if it turns out to be crap. How am I going to know until I see it? Reviewers? (insert sounds of maniacal laughter)
I understand what you are trying to say, and with almost any other sequel (hell, any other movie) released lately I would be agreeing with you, but in this case I think your ire is misdirected.
Re:honestly now (Score:4, Insightful)
If someone enjoyed the previous movies, then seeing the sequels just because of the name is a perfect reason to see them. What else should you base your desire to see a movie on? Critic reviews? BS. Friend's word-of-mouth? Even more BS. Budget size? BS. Director, Producer, Studio? Wrong again. They all have their own hits and misses.
There is no better reason to see a movie than if you saw a first version and liked it, then of course you should see the next entries.
That would be like saying I liked this can of Chicken Noodle soup, but I'm going to wait and see what Julia Child thinks of this next can before I warm it up.
I'm not saying you have to automatically like the sequel, but it sure as hell is a good enough reason to see them.
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Why? Just because of the first two words in the title? That, frankly, is a piss-poor reason to see a movie.
Nope because it has the same writers directors producers actors as the first 3. I'm not expecting it to be the same epic movie as the first one but the sequels were never as good as the original anyways. I'm going to go see it because I love the original and if there is a hint of it in there it will be worth it.
I'm not going to skip a movie because Lucas was involved like some people claim. Hes made some good movies in the past that I think are great even after I grew up. If I watched them now for the
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In other words, get a life and stop telling people how they should live theirs. Your attitude is exactly the problem with many Slashdotters. You are so judgmental and narrow minded.
My spoiler-free Review of Indiana Jones (Score:5, Funny)
*whipcrack*
*wisecrack*
*swiiiiiiing*
*punchpunchpunch*
INDY!!!
Dah-nuh-da-da!
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Actually, we have a two-dollar theater that's not half bad. I'll wait it out.
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*whipcrack*
*wisecrack*
*swiiiiiiing*
*punchpunchpunch*
INDY!!!
Dah-nuh-da-da!
Indy: I'm too old for this shit...
Review seems forced... (Score:5, Interesting)
Things like -
He's really old, but that's a GOOD thing!
- just wear thin on me.
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Like the classic scene where he decides he can't be bothered by the ninja, and instead just shrugs and pulls his gun. There are quite a number of little moments like that, where he reveals that Indy Jones is just a normal human and not a superhero like John McClane.
I guess I'm kinda hop
But it is good (Score:2)
I just thought it was a review from someone who really liked the movie, and wanted to give a few reasons why he thought it was done well.
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Newflash - Harrison Ford has aged. Would the movie be better for pretending that was not the case? Very likely not. It's good to hear a report that that is handled well and with some depth, instead of being glossed over.
There are at least three roads I see here, when you want to do a story but the actors have aged:
1) Do the golden years thing, as has been done here.
Pro: Get to keep the same actors, etc.
Con: Lose a lot of the original formula. (Because, and lets be honest here, if Indy was supposed to be an old guy, he would have been in all four films, starting with the first one.)
2) Use a different actor, tell a spin-off story / prequel / what-have-you.
Pro: Actor problem is circumvented completely, but you could poss
That's not a review... (Score:4, Insightful)
I can only take so much sugar in my reading material.
My spoiler-free website advice (Score:2)
Oh rally? (Score:5, Insightful)
OMG by bullshit detector just exploded.
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Enough with the rehash! Do something new (Score:2)
I am going to wait (Score:2)
A mashup of genres from a previous era (Score:2)
What I feel was IJ's original brilliance was that it was a mashup of genres from a particular era of cinema: it took a pulp detective movie, an swashbuckling adventure, a Casablanca-ish winds of war story and a biblical epic and put all the elements and styles together into a single story.
Rather than try to recreate the same story every time, the franchise should be aiming to create a movie each decade that mashes together all the genres that were most popular in the time period 50 years earlier.
are people lining up anywhere? (Score:2)