Jobs' Glass Elevator Locks in Group Customers 335
Juha-Matti Laurio writes "Not eight days after Apple's new New York flagship store was unveiled, Stevie Jobs' fantastical glass elevator began acting a bit wonky, first opening and shutting its doors, then finally sealing in its passengers on the upper level. Apple store employees worked their hardest to release the bunch, but eventually the NYPD had to be called; the elevator's hydraulic system had to be drained. Close-up picture included to the source story as well."
mix-up in the mail (Score:5, Funny)
Re:mix-up in the mail (Score:5, Funny)
And there was nothing wrong with it. The doors getting stuck were part of their "Think Different" design. I mean, everyone has elevators with doors that open!
Plus, I hear it's not actually a glass elevator...the walls were considered an "optional, non-essential" component that had to be purchased seperately.
Oh the Irony (Score:5, Funny)
Hey... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:mix-up in the mail (Score:2)
Re:mix-up in the mail (Score:2)
It *is* made of glass. If their lives had really been in danger there is a fairly straightforward way to get them out in a hurry.
Let's get them out of the way: (Score:5, Funny)
or "Serves Apple right for having an (aero) glass lift, instead of an aqua lift!"
or "I wonder if someone overapplied thermal paste to the hydraulics?"
or "NEVER EVER ride first generation hydraulic lifts, everyone knows that."
or "Thank GOD it wasn't a vista lift!"
or "Stuck in a glass Elevator - experience agoraphobia, demophobia and claustrophobia at the same time!"
Thanks, thanks, I'll be here all night, try the sea bass!
Re:Let's get them out of the way: (Score:2)
Re:Let's get them out of the way: (Score:2)
Re:Let's get them out of the way: (Score:2)
Agoraphobic, agnostic, dyslectic, insomniac (Score:5, Funny)
Ever hear the one about the agoraphobic, agnostic, dyslectic, insomniac?
Stayed up all night, in a glass elevator, wondering if there really is a Dog.
Re:Let's get them out of the way: (Score:2)
Sea Bass are often overfished tho', so I modify my statemnent to:
"I'll be here all night, try the sustainably farmed organic mediterrean salmon!"
Re:Let's get them out of the way: (Score:2)
So they can create more, some of which we can then eat.
Re:Let's get them out of the way: (Score:4, Funny)
It's "People in Glass Houses si...si...sink ships" you insensitive clod!!
Nyuck... (Score:3, Funny)
"Ha! Ha!".
++troll;
Damage Control (Score:5, Funny)
Jobs showed them diagrams detailing the "evil karma waves" that essentially attacked all the flowers and love that powered the magical glass elevator. He assured the agitated shoppers that there was no one to blame but Bill Gates for their inconvenience. It was proven repeatedly by a brain-washing commercial of two men standing next to each other. It is indicated that one is a PC running Windows and has to shut down during the conversation. The shoppers were encouraged to watch the video as many times as possible and to continue shopping afterward. Although humans don't run operating systems and this ad was farcical, it worked like a charm as it did with millions of Americans.
The shoppers were encouraged to think back to times when they might have been in a home or used in their own home that had a Windows network running wirelessly. Did they recall any of their family or loved ones falling ill during prolonged exposure to Windows wireless packets? They were also encouraged to share these experiences with one another and reinforce the idea that Windows is nothing but pure evil.
Re:Damage Control (Score:2)
Why get the apple employees to let people out? (Score:5, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Why get the apple employees to let people out? (Score:2, Funny)
Because they need to sing the song first! (Score:3, Funny)
Curse you, formatting! (Score:5, Funny)
I've got a brand new computer for you
Oompa loompa doom-pa-dee-drool
Let's just face it, it looks really cool.
Haven't you seen the ads on TV?
Only old nerdy guys use PCs.
Or else your files will all get hacked
Why don't you all just get a Mac?
Then we'll let you out of there.
Oompa loompa doom-pa-dee-zod
While you are at it, get an iPod
Then you'll live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doom-pa-dee-do!
Re:Curse you, formatting! (Score:2)
Bastard! (Score:2)
Damn I wish I had mod points right now. And that the mod system went to 11...
Obligatory (Score:2)
OK Willy Wonka (Score:2)
Re:OK Willy Wonka (Score:2)
It would have made a nice end to the story if the naughty children went home with a truckload of Apple candy though.
Re:OK Willy Wonka (Score:2)
Unfortunately, running a contest in this manner is not legal, so they couldn't do it
Google beta (Score:5, Funny)
neat idea, bad implementation (Score:2)
more lame jokes (Score:5, Funny)
"Best customer retention plan ever!"
anyone else have a few?
Slight improvement (Score:3, Funny)
A little wonky? (Score:5, Funny)
Why isn't anyone talking about the girl that got transformed into a blueberry? There's a cover-up, I tell you!
Blueberry? I thought it was a Blackberry (Score:5, Funny)
Why isn't anyone talking about the girl that got transformed into a blueberry?
Actually, she was turned into a Blackberry. The reason no one is talking about it is that they're still trying to unravel the IP issues.
--MarkusQ
Re:Blueberry? I thought it was a Blackberry (Score:2)
I heard she was turned into a Newton and Steve Jobs accidentally tried to eat her.
Re:A little wonky? (Score:2)
Hence the lack of news on the topic.
comparison (Score:2)
Serves you right (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Serves you right (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Serves you right (Score:5, Funny)
"Linux sux becuz its elevators are always getting stuck and trapping passengers. You should all switch to Windows."
Then you'll get scores of Linux fanboys clamoring to prove to you how easy it is to fix Linux elevator problems.
Yet another New York escapology spectacle (Score:2)
It Just Works.. (Score:4, Funny)
Steve's glass toy (Score:5, Funny)
FROM: sjobs@apple.com
SUBJECT: My Glass Toy Needs Coverage, Assholes
PRIORITY: Ludicrous
Phil,
My magnificent glass box elevator in New York, which is in no way derivative of the crystal pyramid entrance to the Louvre in Paris, did not receive quite enough press coverage at the unveiling.
Please arrange to have someone locked in until they shit their pants.
thx - Steve
Re:Steve's glass toy (Score:2)
Shame... (Score:5, Funny)
The customers could've just scratched their way out.
Well there you are then... (Score:2, Funny)
Er, many elevators have issues. This is news? (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Er, many elevators have issues. This is news? (Score:2)
We waited for several hours without any help. People who tried to use the lift didn't realize that there were two people stuck inside.
I finally managed to pry the doors apart and we managed to get out.
Didn't think it was big event until I read this on Slashdot.
Re:Er, many elevators have issues. This is news? (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Er, many elevators have issues. This is news? (Score:2)
It's not just an elevator, it's also a metaphor for all things Apple (both good and bad). Certainly that was the intention of its builders.
Re:Er, many elevators have issues. This is news? (Score:2)
Re:Er, many elevators have issues. This is news? (Score:2)
This is just so perfect (Score:2)
Let's see...
Stunning visual appearance.... check
Elegant and simple user interface.... check(?)
Maybe 1 or 2 'minor' design flaws not caught during development.... check!
It's amazing. Anything coming out of Apple these days has great design, works well for the most part, but there's always something screwy- iPod batteries, hot laptops, etc.
Re:This is just so perfect (Score:2)
Elegant and simple user interface.... check(?)
Maybe 1 or 2 'minor' design flaws not caught during development.... check!
It's amazing. Anything coming out of Apple these days has great design, works well for the most part, but there's always something screwy- iPod batteries, hot laptops, etc.
Same thing happens to everyone else, excpet usually they're missing your first two items.
Yeah but... (Score:5, Funny)
Front Page News! (Score:2)
In other news, a Best Buy in Hoboken, NY had a clogged toilet. Two employees attempted to unclog it before professional help was called in. Bob's Plumbing was rushed to the scene.
"It was a standard class 4 poop," the plumber stated, "nothing I can't handle."
The stall was returned to normal operation shortly thereafter.
Re:Front Page News! (Score:2)
Hoboken is in NJ not NY, and the nearest Best Buy is in Secaucus (~2 miles).
This post brought to you by Geography Pedants United!
Re:Front Page News! (Score:2)
Re:Front Page News! (Score:2)
Tee hee. But what made this front page news was the over-hype of the original story. "Whoop-ee. Apple created a 24 hour store and it's a bfd for some reason. Tee hee, the elevator broke shortly after launch, that's funny."
What are "Group Customers"? (Score:3, Insightful)
Our esteemed president addressed the poor language skills of the nation's youth, asking wisely, "Is our children learning?" [amazon.com]
Re:What are "Group Customers"? (Score:2)
I can see the new Mac ad now... (Score:4, Funny)
Hi, I'm a PC elevator, I've been around for decades, so you know I'm relia- AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! *SMASH*
*DING* (Score:2)
"Wha--AHHHhhhh..."
--insert loud metallic clang here--
Dupe Story (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Dupe Story (Score:2)
"Stevie Jobs"? (Score:5, Funny)
People who live in glass elevators shouldn't throw Macs
The glass elevator was originally designed as a way to get around the glass ceiling
The elevator had a kernel panic because someone forgot to run the optimize program
Thank God it was running OSX, so it just froze a single elevator instead of crashing the whole store.
Must've been a "different" experience (Score:2)
The Burning Question (Score:5, Funny)
Sorry, I have to do it! (Score:4, Funny)
Did the elevator show a big unhappy face
Someone must have dual booted the elevator to run Windows.
The G4 Cube reincarnated as an elevator, if they waited long enough, the sides of the elevator would have cracked and released them.
Its typical of Apple to make something look good, but ignore some obvious working defect.
Its not that the doors wouldn't open, someone forgot to take the plastic off the elevator!!!!!!
Breath out!
OK, I am done.
-
- Don't mod me down because the original article was a waste of time too!
By the looks of it .. (Score:2)
The roles are reversed (Score:2)
-Kurt
Ahh... taste the plagiarism! (Score:5, Insightful)
From the Engadget article linked in the submission: Well, that was fast. Not eight days after Apple's new flagship store was unveiled, Stevie J.'s fantastical glass elevator began acting a bit wonky, first opening and shutting its doors, then finally sealing in its passengers on the upper level. Apple store employees worked their hardest to release the bunch, but eventually the NYPD had to be called; the elevator's hydraulic system had to be drained, and the confined group was let out in the store's bowels (i.e. lower level).
They even ripped off the nonsensical title of the article itself!
Slashdot title: Apple: Jobs' Glass Elevator Locks in Group Customers
Engadget title: Jobs' glass elevator locks in group customers.
Shouldn't there be an 'of' in there? Maybe an 'a'? I'm thinking "Jobs' glass elevator locks in a group of customers." But the submitter couldn't even be bothered to add three little letters to make it a read more smoothly.
Slashdot submitter: Juha-Matti Laurio.
Engadget blogger: Ryan Block.
Removing a couple phrases and tacking one sentence of your own onto the end of the submission does NOT make it your own original work. If you're going to rip off your source word-for-word, at least have the courtesy to cite them instead of representing their work as your own.
Even More Original Source (Score:2)
Re:Ahh... taste the plagiarism! (Score:2)
Okay, E.B. White. Calm down already. (Score:2, Troll)
Looks like a serious bug (Score:5, Funny)
red button (Score:3, Funny)
Apple locks in their customers (Score:2)
Well, you see. It's like this. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Well, you see. It's like this. (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Well, you see. It's like this. (Score:5, Funny)
NYPD? (Score:2)
Maybe they'll call the NYFD when the Apple store gets robbed
--
Q
Whats with the person at the front?? (Score:3, Funny)
It looks like a guys head/hair cut, some moderately muscular arms... wearing a SKIRT, white panty hose, and womens shoes!
Oh, wait... Its an Apple store. Nevermind, nothing to see here.
The elevator got jammed up on the irony (Score:3, Insightful)
Is this elevator that big a deal? (Score:2)
There were working on it almost up to the end (Score:3, Interesting)
Heheh, i pass this every day (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:i'm confused (Score:2)
No fans! (Score:2)
Re:No fans! (Score:2)
(For those who do not get this joke, that was the field troubleshooting "solution" to the Apple III's overheating problem.)
Re:i'm confused (Score:5, Funny)
Not if you like to do the same things as I do in stalled elevators with perfect strangers.
Re:i'm confused (Score:5, Funny)
Re:i'm confused (Score:2)
But do you really want the rest of the world to see you get bitch-slapped?
Re:i'm confused (Score:3, Interesting)
Ah, the feeling of helplessness caused by something so minor, this has all the makings of a british comedy.
Re:i'm confused (Score:2)
I think glass prevents the UV rays from sun from affecting your skin, so you would bake, but you wouldn't burn.
Consequently, I think the biggest problem of being trapped in the elevator would be lack of water/heat, and then of course, depending on how long you are trapped, going to the bathroom. No way am I going to the bathroom in an elevator where 100s of people can see me from the road, but I might consider doing it in a little closed in box!
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Re:Oh, C'mon. Who's hiding behind Microsoft? (Score:2)
Sheesh...
Do you still have bullets in your pocket?
Re:Oh, C'mon. Who's hiding behind Microsoft? (Score:2)
In terms of OS, I tend to be fairly neutral. I generally write tools to report on the status of a machine. I don't care what it is, or what it's running, as long as I can talk to it.
It is my belief that people who feel the need to reference a 9 year old news story are harboring a great deal of resentment towards Microsoft for this investment, or a great deal of resentment towards Apple for accepting it.
Either way, it's old news.
Re:Oh, C'mon. Who's hiding behind Microsoft? (Score:2)
They're just trying to get with that sexy Japanese Digital Camera. Can you blame them?