10th Annual Wacky Warning Labels Out 445
autophile writes "It's official: M-Law's 10th Annual Wacky Warning Label Contest is over. First prize has gone to a washing machine label urging not to put people in washers. Started to promote awareness of excessive litigation, the contest highlights common sense warning labels, such as the one that warns not to dry cellphones in microwave ovens. Companies find it necessary to stick crazy warnings on their products because of previous insane lawsuits: 'A front loader (washing machine) is just at the right height — speaking now as a mother and not a corporate spokeswoman — for a four-year-old,' said Patti Andresen Shew of Alliance Laundry Systems. Personally, I think a four-year-old precocious enough to read and understand all the warning labels hidden all over a product probably doesn't need those labels."
Well she has a point... (Score:4, Insightful)
bash.org says: (Score:5, Funny)
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
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Because the product would be recalled due to absence of a warning label saying "warning: this product has no warning labels".
Re:bash.org says: (Score:5, Interesting)
I'm sorry. When I'm driving a car, I am driving a car. Much like any technology that can kill people (e.g. chainsaws) you really should be multitasking only two things: do your job and don't kill people (unless it's a gun, which is meant to kill people anyway.)
When driving a car I am not:
No. You are not good enough of a driver to do these either. If you are, why aren't you a professional race-car driver? (And many pro race-car drivers will tell you not to do these things either.) If you want to eat, drink, yack and read take the bus or a train that serves breakfast. Voice mail exists so you don't have to carry on a 5-way conference call while swerving down Interstate 40 on your way to hell.
(This rant has been brought to you by the letters G, E, T, A and the word 'clue.')
I suspect this is not people being clueless, though. It's people willing playing a deadly game to 'be productive' and make up for playing WoW / serfing pr0n at 4am.
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Like much of bash.org that's actually a Bill Hicks quote.
As for the article... The warning "Do not iron" on the lottery ticket is pretty funny as my mother did just that to a winning ticket a couple of weeks ago. My brother won some money and she said she'd cash it in for him - h
Re:Well she has a point... (Score:5, Insightful)
Well, actually the labels are there for the manufacturers. They don't give a crap what you do with their product, if there's a warning label then your chances of successfully suing them are minimal.
Labels for the manufacturers (Score:5, Interesting)
The most extreme example I've seen is a box of Q-tips. So far, most of the labels menioned have been to prevent stupid use of a product. In this case, the manufacturer puts on a label to allegedly prevent the intended use.
Everybody knows what Q-tips are used for: to clean the ear canal. They were designed for that. Yet the box currently has a warning in bold block letters: DO NOT USE SWAB IN EAR CANAL. The label also lists - with pictures! - all the things that their lawers think they should be used for: removing makeup, cleaning your keyboard, etc.
This is all done just to protect themselves from lawsuits.
Re:Labels for the manufacturers (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Labels for the manufacturers (Score:4, Funny)
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By someone who knows what they are doing (Score:3, Informative)
- One method is to go to a doctor, and the nurse will clean your ears out with hot soapy water.
- A better method is to find a hearing clinic that has a special machine that vacuums the wax out.
- There's also earwax dissolving drops, but I don't think they are really recommended.
The problem with trying to do anything to mechanically clean them is that you _will_ push some of the wax further in.
Re:how to clean ears (Score:4, Funny)
Have you considered that the hard, black chunks in your ears might actually be dried blood from previous cleaning attempts?
Yes, I'm fairly confident you were joking, but... I couldn't resist taking it seriously and replying. Sorry.
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Re:Well she has a point... (Score:4, Interesting)
Yes, I think that much is clear. The point that the contest is trying to make is that your chances of successfully suing them should already be minimal without the labels. They are trying to remind people of that by showing the existence of some really stupid warning labels, thus showing the absurdity and brokenness of a justice system that makes the labels necessary.
On a side note, I happen to partially disagree with them that the existence of these warning labels proves our justice system is broken (at least in this particular way). It's all about the level of risk vs. the cost of eliminating the risk. If I owned a home in an area that was well above the nearest body of water (or creek, river, etc.) and thus had very low chances of flooding, and if a reputable insurance company offered me a legit flood insurance policy good for 50 years for a one-time premium of $1, I would probably buy that insurance. Any kind of flood damage is pretty unlikely, but I won't miss the $1, and if something did happen, I'd be covered.
In the same way, if you're a lawyer for a manufacturer and there is any kind of warning label you could put on the product that describes a real event that could happen, even if it requires the user of the product to be dumb as dirt for it to happen, and even if it requires the judge and jury to act in a ridiculous manner for the lawsuit to succeed, the fact is, you don't know that those two things won't coincide and bite you in the butt. They probably won't, but given that it costs you very little to prevent it, and given that you could lose millions of dollars if it does happen (say, in a wrongful death lawsuit), why not do it?
So, the fact is that warning labels are cheap insurance. It's almost always a good idea to opt for cheap insurance, where that means insurnce that actually costs significantly less than it "should" if the cost were based on doing the math. But cheap insurance can be made cheaper in two ways: either hold the cost as a constant and increase the risk being insured against, or hold the risk constant and reduce the cost. So how do we know that these stupid warning labels really indicate anything about the justice system and its tolerance of frivolous lawsuits? Isn't it also possible that all they indicate is that with modern manufacturing techniques, it's really, really cheap to put warning labels on things?
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Re:Well she has a point... (Score:5, Insightful)
When I first moved here I was totally cracking up at all the stupid warnings you have on everything. Why are they there? Because of a horrible justice system and not because you want to warn people about the obvious but to avoid paying millions and millions to idiots.
Your justice system is long overdue for a total overhaul, it is horrific at best.
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Suitable for vegetarians
Is this seriously necessary!?
DugUK
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In Tesco supermarkets in the UK, the red peppers have a label "as seen on TV"
Large Appliance Entrapment Deaths of Children (Score:3, Informative)
Not so ridiculous as you might think:
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has received reports of numerous suffocation deaths involving children who crawled inside latch type freezers, clothes dryers, combination washer/dryer units, picnic coolers, iceboxes in campers, and old-style latch type refrigerators. Most of the victims were 4 to 7 years old. In all cases, the doors could not be easily pushed open from the i
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Putting a label on it enables the manufacturer to claim that they did what was practical to warn people of the risk, and thus presents some defense against lawsuits based on their being aware of the risk but concealing it. Now, its unlikely that most such lawsuits would succeed, and its not all that clear that such a warning would necessary actually adequately protect them against any that would. But its extremely cheap to put the
Excessive litigation better than the alternative (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Excessive litigation better than the alternativ (Score:2)
"Jeez, Cletus, look at this here warning label - 'do not iron clothes whilst being worn'. Just as well that was there or I'd have gone done that..."
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Why do we only hear about the cases stupidly decided in favor of
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1. The NRA claims that just having a handgun in your house is going to protect you. But, try a
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Re:Excessive litigation better than the alternativ (Score:5, Informative)
After all, the situation is identical to hot coffee lady, except this time the drink is too cold.
Hardly. The plaintiff was not driving, nor was the car moving when she got burned. She held the cup between her legs and was opening it to put in sweetener when it spilled.
McDonald's had reports of injuries before this event; they even knew it was being served too hot to be consumed. McD's refuised to settle, and eventually lost to the tune of $500,000 - then they settled.
This case is not, despite the FUD, a stellar example of lawsuit abuse; rather it highlights what the court system should do - hold people accountable on both sides. (The award was reduced 20% due to the plaintiffs actions being viewed as partly responsible)
Re:Excessive litigation better than the alternativ (Score:5, Interesting)
Indeed. And a number of articles on the case have pointed out that McDonald's also served hot chocolate at the same scalding temperature as their coffee. Hot chocolate is mostly drunk by children. McDonald's management knew this, had reports of injuries from both the coffee and the hot chocolate, but failed to lower the temperature. Endangering children like this is a level of irresponsibility that's a bit much for even the most rabid Social Darwinists.
Also, followups have pointed out that the lawsuit had the desired effect. McDonald's lowered their serving temperature for both coffee and hot chocolate to a more reasonable 140F (60C).
Another footnote was that most of the settlement went to pay the victim's lawyers; she reportedly got less money than her hospital bills.
[I tried to get a degree symbol into those temperatures, but none of the standard HTML "entity" encodings worked.
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From the first sips of hot home-made tea I took in my life my mother taught me to be careful and check the temperature least I burn my tongue or mouth. I never attempted to chug down hot coffee like it was coke... the only way I can think of to get third degree burns in the stom
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Sorry, humans of all ages have rapid cell regrowth in their mouths, which contain sensitive pain receptors.
(Very young children mouth everything they pick up because their mouth is more sensitive than their fingers. As they age, their fingers get more sensitive, their mouth remains the same)
Common sense
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That's how. Think asbestos and tobacco being sold as recommended by doctors. (Yes, that second one really happened--there used to be cigarette commercials saying "4 out of 5 doctors recommend [brand] cigarettes")
I guess you want anybody who doesn't research every single fucking product they buy for seven years to die.
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"More doctors smoke camels than any other cigarette..."
Slashdot... (Score:3, Funny)
My personal favourite (Score:5, Funny)
The steering lock itself was located to the left and below the trunk bundle of wires going to the front panel and instrumentation, and needed the key that presumably is in the ignition (or you would not be driving it) or the backup key. Fair enough.
But the steering lock would only engage when the front wheel was engaged fully in one direction or the other. Which was a seriously tight turning radius. If you are able to actually keep your balance and keep the bike moving while gong full tilt to the right, and at the same time find and push-twist the key sitting under a bundle of cables below your line of sight and to the left then you do not need a warning label - you need a contract to perform at a motor circus, as you have just found your true calling.
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Re:My personal favourite (Score:4, Funny)
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Hmm... I wonder if they mean the people in general or The People who run The People's Republic. Could be an anti-subversive label.
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Knowledge is Power (Score:5, Insightful)
Should there be warning labels? Of course.
Should there be warning labels as a replacement for a basic level of education? Of course not.
Crowbar (Score:2)
Re:Crowbar (Score:5, Funny)
Does that mean we're only supposed to use them for their other intended purpose, to beat?
Prying with a Crowbar (Score:4, Funny)
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Nice (Score:2)
I also wanted to submit one I saw on an Arm & Hammer box of cat litter that said: "This product safe for use around animals". One would hope so!
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Rectum?! Damn near killed him!
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http://rabbit.org/faq/sections/litter.html [rabbit.org]
Indoor/Outdoor Christmas Lights (Score:2)
That plainly means that the lights must be indoors only, or outdoors only. Stringing them through a doorway so that they are both indoors and outdoors is dangerous. The opening and closing of the door may cause the wiring to fray, leading to possible fire or electrocution hazard.
I don't iron my lottery tickets (Score:2)
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Lawyers aren't the entire problem (Score:5, Insightful)
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We've had this for a while ... (Score:5, Funny)
About twenty years ago, I bought an electric pencil sharpener for my office. It came with a set of safety warnings, prominently including "Do not attempt to sharpen ball-point pens." My thought at the time was that someone stupid enough to do that most likely had a problem that wasn't going to be solved by reading warning labels.
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-uso.
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Crazy...or not? (Score:3, Funny)
My favorite warning label is on a set of fairy lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
So why is it bad to put a cell in the microwave? (Score:5, Interesting)
Yes, that is a rehtorical question because if you read /. you know why.
The real question is, how would an average person know? Most look like they are made of plastic which is of course microwave safe. If you've immersed your phone, drying it out with heat can fix it. (I know, I baked a friend phone in my oven at 150 degrees to bring it back to life.)
So no, I don't think we need labels, there are so many they aren't read anyhow.
How can we make it obvious that this is a bad idea? Or better yet, how can we make it possible that no damage will occur to either device then this happens?
This is one of the challenges that engineers face. How do you make your products work well, be bulletproof, be easy to use, do what the customer needs doing, and yet not cost a fortune.
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Of course it isn't possible. That isn't the point.
How do we make my Mom for example, know that that this isn't safe?
A label won't cut it.
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If you brought in somebody from the middle ages into modern society, they probably wouldn't know things like that touching bare wires, or rapidly spinning things inside a running car is a seriously bad idea. But we don't have a warning on every outlet, do we?
While stuff like that is new, it's a bit confusing. But these days everybody knows that sticking a fork into an outlet is a seriously bad idea. Same thing with cell phones, it's not exactly obvious, but it will soon become c
Re:So why is it bad to put a cell in the microwave (Score:2)
I've learned many things on slashdot. That is not one of them.
The real question is, how would an average person know? Most look like they are made of plastic which is of course microwave safe.
If the average person doesn't know that pretty much every electronic device contains metals, then he's even dumber than I thought.
How can we make it obvious that this is a bad idea? Or better yet, how can we make it possible that no damage will occ
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Best floppy disk labels ever (Score:5, Funny)
Curse you! (Score:2)
Reason for this kind of warning (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Reason for this kind of warning (Score:5, Informative)
Article here: http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/wet-baby-in-t
We need better warning labels on the
Do not iron? Good idea! (Score:4, Insightful)
Need a label for microwave ovens... (Score:2)
Seriously, they need a label not to put babies into a microwave oven. There were several reports last year of babies dying from mysterious internal burns because their mothers put them in the microwave on high. I don't think the mothers mistaken their baby for a coffee cup.
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Not your usual warning label... (Score:5, Funny)
I really like (Score:2)
bash. org (Score:2)
Not so fast (Score:2)
Um, when I was nine years old and my brother was at the tender age of seven, we dared each other to sit in a moving dryer. First it was my turn to go in. My brother closed the door (as per agreement) and started a cycle for about 5 seconds. Then it was my brothers turn to go in the dryer, which he did. He tumbled in there for substantially longer, ab
It's a warning sign rather than a label... (Score:5, Interesting)
Perhaps some labels aren't for real. (Score:2)
There's an urban legend of a Superman costume with the lable "Warning, does not enable user to fly." If I was on the legal team of a company, I'd have great fun tacking on nonsense warnings like this. It would be kind've the legal equivalent of an Easter Egg.
The best by far. (Score:2, Funny)
How to make stupid lawsuits go away. (Score:2, Interesting)
Spin cycle=120 G's (Score:3, Informative)
- Spinning is fun
- The washing machine spins
- I should go for a ride.
So they set the dial, climb in and close the lid. Within seconds the G-forces are so intense they can't move their arms to open the lid. Seconds later they can't breathe. Seconds after that the blood is forced out of their brain and they're unconscious. This is an incredible blessing because in less than a minute the skin on their back has ruptured and all the blood and bile and lymph is being flung out of their bodies and pumped away by the washer. The sixty pound unbalanced load is chump change compared to the hundred and sixty pounds of water a washer usually has to spin out. And those sixty pound boys, he told me, get spun down to about thirty pounds of bones and mush.18 G's is fatal. Washers subject their load to several minutes G's forces comparable to driving into a concrete wall at 100MPH. So yeah, a little label reminding the grownups that a washing machine will kill the shit out of anything or anybody put in it is a bad idea.
Re:Spin cycle=120 G's (Score:4, Funny)
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Have you ever tried spinning an out of ballance load in a washing machine.
You won't get it past about 100rpm.
Myth Busters also tried this (albiet with an Adult) and is was way busted.
Re:Spin cycle=120 G's (Score:4, Informative)
My two favourites (Score:3, Funny)
The absolute best I've seen though, in the same store even, was something I deeply regret not buying and taking home to show people as proof right then. It was the store's brand of peanut-brittle (a candy made mostly of peanuts) and the warning label said "Warning: MAY contain peanuts" (You mean they're not SURE? I think they need to re-check their manufacturing process if they think there's a chance that there might not be peanuts in the peanut brittle.) Sadly, that one went off the shelves a week later and hasn't been back since...
I have a client who manufactures ladders... (Score:2, Interesting)
He was telling me that within a few years, nobody will be manufacturing ladders in the United States anymore, and it will become impossible to buy a ladder. The reason? There are so many frivolous lawsuits against manufacturers, distributors and retailers of ladders that the cost of defending them and/or insurance against claims will make it
Bad engrish is contained generously (Score:3, Funny)
My favorite label warns about the following;
A dangerous toy. This toy is being made for the extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play.
I'm not sure how they arrived at this translation from Japanese, but there it is.
Some of mine favourites (Score:3, Funny)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Chi
The final warning label (Score:2)
As warning labels and tort law evolve together, they gradually converge on a single unified warning label:
Do not use indoors. Do not use outdoors. Do not use this product for any purpose. Do not buy this product. Do not read this label.
On a more serious note, the current silliness over warning labels is a side-effect of the recent switch from buyer-beware to seller-beware. As a result, it becomes less and less profitable to produce anything, and more and more profitable to be dangerously stupid.
Family Guy (Score:2)
Scientific labels (Score:5, Funny)
From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup rec.humor.funny. Visit http://www.netfunny.com/rhf [netfunny.com] to browse the RHF pages and archives on the web.
WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.
CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.
ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.
NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be Detected.
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.
(The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of The Journal of Irreproducible Results. Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc. 3 Cambridge Center, Cambridge MA 02141 Individual US Subscriptions $12.00 Reproduced with permission.)
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Good Luck!
On your next 1040 (Score:2)
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I'm not saying you could hire an educator for minimum wage. I'm saying that as compensation, the government should at least allow you to claim the federal minimum wage for the required contact hours, adjusted for class size (you're kids get the benefit of a low instructor-student ratio at your expense). Since there are no special federal education requirements, licensing exams, or a
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HOW do you plan to make sure that every device that would be used to produce children has the label?
Well, here in the US, hospitals used to circumcise all newborn boys without asking the parents' permission. This has mostly stopped now, primarily because medical studies (and a few lawsuits) showed that it had no medical benefits but had a slight risk of infection. So hospitals are out the bit of money they used
It's all CYA still (Score:2)
That way anything that the buyer does is their own fault.
Re:What happens when the warning negates the purpo (Score:3, Insightful)
You bought a cheap bike for an activity that would need good, heavy-duty gear (i.e., not cheap)
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