Nerds Make Better Lovers 1148
ultimabaka writes "The New York Daily News, fine bastion of reporting that it is, released an article today discussing the rise of nerd popularity among women in general, and famous women in particular. Detail is given into the dating exploits of Christina Aguilera and Elin Nordegren (nerdy Tiger Woods' supermodel squeeze), among a bunch of regular Janes. Apparently being a nerd is now in?"
naturally... (Score:5, Funny)
- we don't sleep around
- we're generally good at the things we try
- we can concentrate, dammit!
- we have *excellent* finger dexterity
- and most importantly, we have imagination!
more here [everything2.com] >>
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Funny)
Particularly those of us who also play guitar.
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Hey Slashdot ladies: I'm perfectly willing to make my email public.
* crickets *
Aw man.
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Interesting)
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If you live in your parent's basement (and you're past college age), you're a loser. Being a nerd/geek is not your problem.
If she meets your parents before you you first kiss her, it's going to be much harder make a good impression. Would you date a girl that would likely require you to move into her 12x10 bedroom with cinderella sheets, n'sync posters, barbies on the shelves and her nutty parents across the hallway? How she looks and acts would barely come into play.
Re:naturally... (Score:4, Funny)
Yes.
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Insightful)
The thing about this article is that it's talking about what good providers nerds make. And what nice guys they are. And how much of a 'turn on' that is. People - women and men both - don't like what's good for them. It just doesn't seem to be the way things work. Intelligence, introversion, and individualistic tendencies (standard geek traits) != Sexy. Eval(Good breadwinner + good hair + muscles == sexy) == 1.*
The famous couples in TFA where the male is paid millions to ACT like he's a geek are not good examples.
Geeks are, of course, willing to put a lot more effort into relationships sometimes. And they are sometimes willing to learn, because it's what they like to do. Occasionally they can be interested in learning interpersonal and social skills. That can make them easier to deal with in some ways, and (or so I've been told) intelligence can make them slightly better in certain situations where a bit of knowledge about biology is helpful. Does this make them more attractive? Not really. Does it make it easier for them to get girls to stick around for a while? Kinda. In my experience, the 'geeky' drive to throw intense, unimaginable-to-non-geeks effort into a problem until it is 'solved' has been a great detriment to every relationship I have ever attempted. Add to that the fact that most of the geeks I've known have been idealists, perfectionists, and socially inept for various reasons, and you get a group of people that aren't that sexy. Female geeks generally have their pick of the litter, and that's a sign that it's a very strong seller's market to me.
Sorry. This article isn't accurate. Modern society isn't getting deeper, it's just that its advice columnists want to think they are.
* - I haven't touched a C compiler in years. Correct me all you like.
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Insightful)
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Re:naturally... (Score:5, Insightful)
I know A LOT of men who find it very pleasant just to speak about problems without trying to find a solution. It makes me feel lighter.
The main problem is this stupid image of "the man" in society, that "a man" has to have the solution to everything. When I speak about a problem without trying to solve it, I risk that other look down on me. (Psychologically, I could say that they just dont want to be reminded that they havent the solution to every problem either, but that's their problem)
Another problem is to find people that actually listen the way I want them to. Men tend to offer solutions, and I dont want solutions, I can find them myself, women tend to offer comfort ("this isn't that bad", "time will solve it") and I dont want comfort, it IS bad, or I wouldnt speak of it.
What I'm looking for in a listener is his interest and his capacity to make me feel less alone. And to feel accepted despite (or even because!) the fact that I currently dont have a solution.
Almost all people who I introduced to this "just listen" thing, ended up preferring it to advice and comforting. Men and women along.
(Note : sometimes I also look for advice, and then I say so directly. And I find it much easier to ask for advice than to ask someone to listen. If I ask for advice, I already have figured what to do : namely, ask for advice. If I ask someone to listen, I'm lost.)
Generally, I think that men tend to hide their insecurity in silence, women hide their insecurity by speaking about superficially things. Both to avoid speaking about the insecurity. To avoid showing a fragility, a vulnerability.
And I find speaking about the insecurity difficult, risky, more often than not i'm terrified of being rejected, but in the end very rewarding. And I have found friends who dont reject me for it and I stick with them, as I find it highly comforting to know that I dont have to be perfect the whole time, to always have a solution, in order to keep my friends / girlfriend / family.
And many people actually react positivly to fragility, probably because it makes me more "human" in their perception.
And right now, I hesitate to click on the submit button for fear of rejection, especially after Semi-Lagrange said it would be "mentally underdeveloped" to only speak 'to put things on the table'. However, this is how I live my life and I want to combat these gender images (especially the "a real man only talks for to find solutions"
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Insightful)
I've found for most women they aren't looking for a solution, they are looking for empathy. When they start complaining about so-and-so at work is so difficult to work with, they don't want you to start asking questions and trying to figure out how they can work together better. They just want you to say, "they are just a bad person, I mean everybody else loves working with you."
In their mind they already have a solution, they don't want to hear yours, they just want to know they are supported.
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Interesting)
I'd bet that we are more attractive to people who are more mature, people who've gone through the mistakes in relationships and see that the smart money is on the more sensible, intelligent, cooperative and stable nerd. Plus nerd isn't instantly a bad thing now. Sure cool will always be cool, and they'll probably always get the pick of the litter, but eventually the pick of the litter will see tha
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i'm 25 (about the same age as you from what i can tell). i've been in a handful of relationships. the first girl i dated was unstable, but ended up breaking up with me... i enjoyed the stability of having just one girlfriend. we dated for about a year (during which, we had "adventure" and did a lot of different things). had some fun for a few months with a couple other girls. next girl i seriously dated was for 4 years. i thought i'd marry her. it ended up not wor
Re:naturally... (Score:4, Insightful)
Here's the way I see it. I might have missed out on some fun, and also probably a lot of stupid and self-destructive things too, but I have the rest of my life to enjoy being with my wife (12 years so far), while many of those party animal types will end up divorced and bitter.
Did I miss out? Sure. Do I care? Heck no.
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Insightful)
And that's the part that has always made me bitter. The fact us geeks will be there when these wild women are "ready to settle down." We won't be out there having the wild fun, partying, adventures with them, we'll be there when they're ready to end that and become more serious. They'll have all these memories and experiences, we'll have Saturday nights watching Star Trek reruns.
Dude, if I could give you and anyone else who reads this some advice, please listen closely.. You do no need a female to go have wild fun partying adventures. Before I get flamed, let me elaborate.
When I was 16-20 I did the typical "nerd" stuff. Sat at home on weekends, tinkered with my computer/hobbies, and never had social interaction. When I turned 21 I was fed up with it and went and got a job at a nightclub. I didn't know a single person there when I started, I didn't have a girlfriend, I just took the plunge and immersed myself in the whole nightlife scene. I was working the door of the club, and believe me, everyone wants to know the door guy. We charged a $5 cover and you wouldn't believe what some people will do to get out of paying cover. I got kisses from hot females, drinks, phone numbers, flashed various body parts, etc. Within a couple of months I was starting to go out partying with my co-workers from the club, and within a year I knew just about everyone that came in regularly.
So in about a year's time I went from a social "zero" to a well known guy in the night life scene. In the few years that followed (my early 20's) I had plenty of girls, tons of friends, and all of the wild partying fun adventures I could handle. At one point I was even dating a stripper for a couple of months. I'm settled down and engaged now (NOT to the stripper), but I wouldn't trade those few years for ANYTHING. Yeah I probably shaved a few years off the end of my life, and yeah I probably could have spend that time doing something "productive" like studying or programming, but you only get once chance at life to have great experiences. IMO you should take them whenever possible, or make them if you have to.
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Insightful)
Younger women, like young men, basically look at superficial traits to a large extent. They are attracted to certain body shapes, personality types, and dress. Nerds don't tend to meet those, and get forgotten. When people mature a little, they start to look more for a personality that they ca
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Insightful)
Talking about famous people and how they have the hottest women and still are nerdy, is just an example of how easy it is to get a trophy wife when you are famous and have money. Elin Nordegren, to whom Tiger Woods is married, would never have ended up with a guy like Tiger if he had nopt been worth $500 million+.
Don't get your hopes up guys, girls don't like introverted single minded computergeeks. Get a different hobby, lose the ugly glasses, get some contacts. Get a skin treatment and loose some weight. Get some dental work done. Learn how to communicate and how to listen. Girls in general couldn't care less about computers, nor do they like that you spend 10 hours a day in front of the screen.
Nerds, geeks and what not... If you want a girl, you need to change. Introverts are not sexy, they are horrible to be around due to their intorversion. Sorry guys, don't get ypur hopes up!!
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Interesting)
Even attractive geeks can confirm the accuracy of the above statement.
I'll go even further to establish the real problem with being a geek. You can't attempt to "court" a lady, or even flirt with them without looking your official geek status.
Since there are no, and I absolutely mean: no, women out there willing to "court" a man, your life will consist of waiting for a girl to talk to you, and/or maybe getting luck
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Women want men who are aloof and unavailable, yet still social and personable. It may seem like a paradox, but it's not. It's best summed up by saying, "Look like you're interesting but never interested."
Women do like smart men very much. The "geek effect" is when smart men do stupid social things like acting too interested in a woman or acting like an idiot around her. Just walk up to her, talk to her, make her laugh, ask for her phone number, and if she gives it to you, wait at least a week to call her.
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Insightful)
I want so badly to screw my Fiancee's best friend... she is 8 year younger, drop dead beautiful and not good for me in any way.
She is a wack job nutcase that I am certian that after a few weeks of wild and crazy sex would result in my tolerance of her absolute wierdness and bitchyness to drop to zero.
On the Other Hand, My fiancee is a wonderful loving caring and wonderfully sexually twisted woman that is most certianly the best for me. It took me 2 years to get over my wanting to not date her but her friends or the other nutty but really hot women I meet.
The slightly homely woman that had a normal upbringing and is a boring geeky girl that will watch SCIFI, thinks that robot chicken and the venture brothers is a hoot and was willing to laugh with me all the way through "team america" and basically is my absolute best friend is my choice for my life mate.
Remember guys, the HOT CHICK will be a wrinkly old hag with a "hump-me" tattoo above her butt in 15 years. Tolerating a woman's wierdness or lack of personality because she makes you horny just looking at her is not with it.
A woman who can be your best friend is your best choice, looks mean nothing.
Believe me, I've been married to the hottie, it ain't worth it... not even if she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
And guess what, that "slightly homely girl" become the most beautiful woman in the world to you as you realize who she really is.
Well congatulations. (Score:4, Interesting)
I put the ad in front of my fiance, and watched. Over about seven seconds, his face turned from daily-default expression to smelling-onions-and-old-celery. "They're all tubby" he said. I was crushed.
I was crushed because I work out three times a week, pay all the bills, get paid roughly three times as much as he does, ride a motorcycle, have fabulous hair, very often get asked out, and this all adds up to one thing.
I can't be normal. I'm not allowed. If I get to be normal, it means that I've just lost whatever it was that made me.
I listen when he's having a horrible day. I dance when there's no music for no reason. I come home and work on the house-wifey duties, and I make him laugh so hard and so often that any tone in his stomach is at least 60% to my credit. I never thought that I'd have to figure out how to be a good mate despite being pretty because now being pretty is synonymous with being ditzy.
He is an engineer, and a mechanic, and one of the most nerdy guys I've ever met. He is doting, and flattering, and patient, and as long as I continue to be nothing short of a full-blown goddess, he will continue to be wonderful.
At least pretty-boys are low maintainance. At least jocks and players they know they're worthless, it actually turned them into better people. Nerds aren't the underdogs, they're the staple, now...and they know it.
Congratulations boys, now you're the trophy.
Re:Well congatulations. (Score:5, Interesting)
I put the ad in front of my fiance, and watched. Over about seven seconds, his face turned from daily-default expression to smelling-onions-and-old-celery. "They're all tubby" he said. I was crushed.
Maybe he was just trying to say that he likes you better than all of them. I mean, if he'd said "they look nice", how would you have taken that? He may very well have thought that you wanted him to point out why they were all worse choices than you.
Men dread such ad-hoc tests, because we often don't know which reaction is the right one, within the twisty maze of feminine logic. And, by "right" reaction, I don't mean the one that will make her think what we want her to think, I mean the one that will make her understand what we really think. Women tend to analyze relationships much more deeply than men do, with a result that they read more into our reactions than is there -- it's not uncommon that they read so deeply that they get entirely wrong answers.
If you want to know what your fiance thinks, don't try to test him like that, just ask him. He might lie to you, sure. That's a risk you have to take. But trying to draw conclusions from his reaction to magazine photos just causes you to deceive yourself, which makes you angry at him -- which leaves him baffled, because he, being a man, missed the whole damned thing!
Keep in mind also that his reaction to the appearance of random women on the street is *NOT* necessarily related to how he would view you if you looked like them. This ought to be obvious, actually. Would you love him more if he were built like a Chippendale dancer? Would you love him less if he were 30 lbs heavier than he is? While men are more focused on appearance than women, they're not *that* much different. My wife was slender when I met her and married her, and she's now somewhat overweight, but I still love her. More, actually, than I did then, because I know her much, much better.
So, rather than showing him pictures of other "tubby" women and asking what he thinks of *them* and then assuming that implies something about what he would think of a "tubby" *you*, why don't you just ask him what he would think if you put on twenty or thirty pounds? Point out to him that you won't always have time to work out three days a week and that you probably will gain some weight.
Yes, he'll hate those questions. Just like we hate the inevitable "Does this make me look fat?" and "Do I look older than her?". And he may even lie, giving you an answer that he thinks will make you happy, rather than the flat truth -- it takes many years before there's enough confidence in a relationship that flat truth isn't frightening.
But even if he lies, it will be a lie intended to make you happy, and that's what you really want to know. As long as it's more important to him that you be happy than that you be his ideal woman, you know that your life with him will be good.
I think I'll have my wife read your post and this response and get her reaction... :-)
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Informative)
Ah... here it is (Programming in Visual Basic
(my emphasis)
So, no, that's not even valid VB
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A
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Brrrr. Creepy.
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I just had a vision of RMS screaming "That's GNU/Clitoris, you insensitive clod!"
And since I'm not sure the battery acid will be enough to erase it, I figured I'd share the misery.
OQ! (Score:5, Funny)
Louis: Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex.
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you
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come on! (Score:4, Informative)
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Louis: All jocks ever think about is sports. All we ever think about is sex!
Revenge of the Nerds. Great movie. Interesting to see how many actors are there hit it big later, such as:
-Anthony Edwards (Gilbert. Hit it big on "ER" later)
-Ted McGinley (Stan. Everybody now knows him as "Jefferson Darcy" from Married with Children)
-John Goodman (Coach. Lots of other things since)
-James Cromwell (Louis's Dad. Definitely a big name now)
Maybe a few oth
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Funny)
See porn is research!
Not to mention (Score:5, Funny)
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Insightful)
Now, its interesting. Niether of these professions are known to be fit, both sit on their asses all day. So what gives?
I think it's confidence, and that confidence is the number one turn on for women in bed. If you're a programmer and you're pushing the edge of what you know every day, overconfidence can
Re:naturally... (Score:3, Insightful)
Confidence in the number one turn on, and generally geeks don't have it. It's certaintly not overconfidence, but underconfidence.
Re:naturally... (Score:5, Funny)
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Woohoo! (Score:5, Funny)
small correction :P (Score:5, Funny)
Thats good news for me. (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Thats good news for me. (Score:3, Insightful)
Tiger Woods? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Tiger Woods? (Score:3, Informative)
My thoughts exactly. At 6'2 180lbs he's hardly a little guy.
And except that he hasn't got a bad-boy image, and seems a genuinely nice-guy with some actual talent
Re:Tiger Woods? (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Tiger Woods? (Score:5, Funny)
Golf is a game. Tennis is a sport.
To qualify as a sport, you must sweat.
Golf is a scottish practical joke played on the rest of the world, kind of like snipe hunting or curling. It began when the Romans, after conquering Scotland, asked "so, what do you guys do for fun around here?"
Re:Tiger Woods? (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Tiger Woods? (Score:5, Funny)
Come on, now! This suspense is *crushing* us! Hurry up and remember, or we'll all have to Trek to your house and make you tell us! Ick, I hope you don't live in a wheat field, I'm alergic to it!
Ok, I'm done.
Of course... (Score:5, Funny)
It sucks to be a trailblazer sometimes. You young nerds got it easy. Back in my day a cute girlfriend was GIF pr0n & a bottle of lotion.
Re:Of course...Dude! (Score:5, Funny)
I'm dating your' ex!
Great News (Score:3, Funny)
I know its a bad pun, but.... (Score:5, Funny)
Posers (Score:3, Insightful)
Diary (Score:5, Funny)
Saturday, May 21st 2005
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of Silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.
MAN'S DIARY:
Saturday, May 21st 2005
Apple switched to Intel.
Absolutely gutted.
Got a shag though.
Re:Diary (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Diary (Score:4, Informative)
Report From Where I'm At (Score:5, Funny)
Let me check my messages.....
0. Nope, still the status quo here!
WHATEVER!!! (Score:5, Insightful)
Yeah, and I hear Brad Pitt is practically a hermit.
You missed the *most* important point. (Score:3, Insightful)
You're a geek, take an anthropology lesson from society.
Women are looking for providers. They can't help it. It makes sense. Who gets stuck with the baby for 15 years as it grows up? Not the bloke, he can wander off and father a dozen (a thousand? [nationalgeographic.com]) more. It's just the same way you can't help looking for physically attractive females.
Why are men fascinated by money, cars, houses etc? Status items, evidence of their ability to provide. Why do women spend sooo much time on their appearance?
You want to
Female Logic (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Female Logic (Score:4, Interesting)
I'm talking about stuff like being cynical, unable to trust men, becoming manipulative themselves, etc. I am also making generalizations, but many single women in their late 20's to early 30's I have dated have had these issues.
I am a fairly nerdy 29 year old engineer, but I look alright and have decent conversational skills. I can definitely tell when a woman is responding positively to my 'nerdly' traits (honesty, sincerity, unselfishness, kindness), or being turned off by them. I have a good income (which is attractive to anyone), so if I can pretend to be a bit of a alpha-male jerk I can usually attract either type depending on if I'm looking for a relationship or a fling.
Re:Female Logic (Score:3, Funny)
No fucking thanks.
Re: "Revenge of the Nerds" (Score:5, Interesting)
Re: "Revenge of the Nerds" (Score:3, Interesting)
What? Where is this study? I'm curious because I workout regularly (for the last 10 years) and although I'm in good shape, I never really developed an athletes body. Now, some part of that is surely genetics, but I'm wondering if lack of focus has an effect. I really only think about exercising when I'm
But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:5, Insightful)
1) I can't tell you how many geek guys I know who can't even take care of their most basic personal hygiene needs. You need to shower at least once a day and use deodorant to become reasonably attractive to any woman. No woman is turned on by stinky body odor.
2) Self-confidence is attractive. Unfortunately, many geeks think self-confidence is something for guys who brag about every "conquest" they have. It's not. Self-confidence is simply respect and love for who you are. Love yourself first and good relationships will follow. This is difficult, but it's the key ingredient to any successful relationship. If you know who you are and you love who you are, people will love and respect you that much more.
3) Complaining/whining is not attractive. Some geeks have very bitter personalities and spend a lot of time whining about how the world would be a better place if only this or that. (The most common one I hear is whining about a job they're in.) If you complain, do something about it! Start your own business. Program something better on the side and sell it. Take control of the situation and create something better instead of griping.
4) Being a slave isn't attractive. If you make it clear that you'll do anything for a woman, and grovel for her affection, you're going to end up attracting the wrong type of woman. Any successful relationship is a two-way street. While there's nothing wrong with showing your love and affection, groveling only means you'll get taken advantage of and perhaps become bitter about (see #3.)
5) Lead a balanced life. No one is less attractive than someone who sits on a computer all day and never gets out of the house. Plus, it doesn't make for a healthy life of your own (I should know; I work from home and often spend 12-16 hours a day in front of the computer.) Get out there, meet people, and have fun. It will make you feel better about yourself to have a good group of friends around, as well.
I have been in several great relationships with geeky guys. I find the most successful relationships I have are with guys who already have a decent level of self-confidence and several friends who respect and love them. They may be interested in computers, but they are also interested in having fun and getting out of the house on a regular basis. Take this guide to heart and you can have a good relationship with the right woman as well.
Re:But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:3, Insightful)
Actually, you won't end up with any women at all. Women like to be chased (not physically, gentlemen...lets not break any stalking laws here), but they don't like guys who want to date their own mothers, either. Women like strength in men, strength of character, strength of personality, and frankly, strength of body doesn't hurt
Re:But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:5, Interesting)
- And just accept the fact that attractive women want attractive men. That's biology for you. Sorry. If your personality can overcome that, good for you, but most of us are programmed by God, Darwin, whoever, to chase the most physically attractive of the opposite sex. The so-called geek success stories here are successes because they have lots of cash, which frankly, goes a long long way toward attracting women.
Not entirely true. Yes, some women insist on a standard of "only hotties need apply", but please bear in mind that women have different standards of what they consider physically attractive. Personally, I don't have much interest in the Tom Cruise / Brad Pitt type; even when they manage to be down-to-earth emotionally, they're what I refer to as "beige wallpaper". It's versatile, goes with anything; you can dress it up or take it down to the bare minimum, but when you come right down to it, it's still beige wallpaper. Bland and boring. Give me a few quirks and a face with some character to look at, instead.You might be correct in the general sense, but it is still a generalization. :)
Re:But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:5, Funny)
you're female...
you're trying to piss off the religious right...
you want quirky guys...
you're posting on slashdot...
So, how many marriage proposals have you gotten so far? My bet's on 14.
Re:But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:5, Funny)
Such is life... the ever fleeting depression
I'll never have confidence, I have no idea what a balanced life is.... And here I am whining about it.
Not a girl around me, and none who care to be around me.
Oh well. Truth hurts but its true atleast
Re:But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:3, Funny)
WoW (Score:5, Funny)
Confidence (Score:3, Insightful)
Confidence is attractive. Don't confuse arrogance for self confidence. This is how the hot chicks end up with jerks.
"Self-confidence is simply respect and love for who you are."
I'll agree the respect part, but self-love == vanity and is nither confidence or attractive. Keeping a good appearance is part of self respect, checking ones self out in the mirror before having-at-it is the other.
If women could just make better distinctions between these couple things, t
Re:But seriously, SHOWER! (Score:4, Insightful)
Well, I'm fucked! (no, not in the good way).
Seriously though, a lot of the woe of geekdom comes from the slightly sideways way of looking at the world and interacting with people. (Insert various hypothesized links to autism/Asperger's/ADD/whatever here.) All sorts of seeming paradoxes result: the deeply caring geek who unknowingly whips out incredibly hurtful words or actions, the guy who's willing and eager to talk about feelings and relating to each other but completely oblivious to what he and others are communicating nonverbally, others...
Some of the social traits of geekdom, such as the ability to be unabashedly enthused about something (even the most cynical geek has childlike moments) or a dry, gently self-deprecating humour can actually work pretty well for an initial spark of attraction. But after that, the emphasis on meritocracy and problem-solving really screws things up. The only solution I've found is to make a continual, conscious effort to pay gobs of attention to how I'm relating. Intelligence and problem-solving convert poorly to empathy, but you have to apply what you've got to the situations you're in...
woman's perspective.... (Score:5, Insightful)
1. I *do* complain (or whine; your pick how you wish to label it) a lot about things I observe in the world around me. If that's too "unattractive" for a woman to deal with, so be it. But I usually point such things out to spark a conversation. I'm typically upset at something I think needs to be pointed out and addressed, rather than just swept under the rug. All too often, I think women want to avoid confrontation or discussion that might not be of the "happy, happy - joy, joy" type. You know... the types that try to end all political discussion at a table as soon as it starts, with a "can't we just talk about something ELSE?!" plea?
2. I'm not too convinced many women really want a guy that seems very "into" them at all? Practically every time I've been in a new relationship that I was really excited about (felt those "sparks" from the first time we met and all that good stuff), the thing that seemed to immediately terminate it was expressing the fact that I felt so strongly about it! My theory is, women want to feel like they're the ones who "won the guy over" themselves... They want to be the one in the "driver's seat" after the guy makes that first move and does the initial "hitting on them" and they accept. No matter how much you're falling into "like", "love" or "lust" for the woman, the only thing she wants is for you to pay attention to her on her terms, and always drop what you're doing to come over there *if you're invited*, but NOT to start doing things on your own to show how much you care. It has to be HER show, played out the way SHE wants it to play out.
3. On the "balanced life" thing, sure - everyone needs to get out in public now and then. But if you're really into computers, you can use that to your advantage rather than it working against you here. The computer is the ultimate communications tool! Get into a local IRC chat room for your city or state and organize a "get together" for the people who congregate there. Use email to invite some people out for dinner or bowling or trivia night or whatever you think they'd all enjoy. Do some searches online for recommendations of interesting things to do or see in your area. Buy a cheap hand-held GPS and get into the new hobby of GeoCaching! (www.geocaching.com)
Occam's Razor... (Score:5, Funny)
Thus, we can conclude that IT security at the New York Daily News is lax and some "nerd" has figured out a way to post prank stories. Expect a deluge of stories about the Duke Nukem Forever release party.
What woman say they want vs. attractted to. (Score:3, Insightful)
Sure if they fall for a geek they will probably be happer in the long run. Because we tend to have better jobs, Less violent temperments, Be being rejected for over 20 years we take a relationship much more seriously because they are so hard to get.
But I doubt that hot chicks will start knocking at our doors anytime soon. They will do what Woman have been doing for many many years. Dating with all the "Attractive" People. Then they realize that they are jerks then settle with a geek.
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
If this were really true... (Score:3, Funny)
Dressing up for movie oenings (LotR, SW, ST) would be considered "men in uniform" and be totally irresistable... unless you're Chewbacca.
Hard drive size WOULD matter, not how fragmentented it is.
I would be getting laid.
Oh, fer frack's sake... (Score:5, Insightful)
Now that that's out of the way, I can make a more rational response.
Women are attracted to intelligence and stability? As a femmegeek, I've known this for ages. What irks me about most of the comments is the reversion to early adolescence that marks these discussions. Using the experiences of high school as a benchmark for your entire life seems a really bass-ackwards thing to do. Almost nobody is, as a teenager, self-confident enough to choose a dating partner without regard to what your "friends" might say. And yes; women can be horribly self-absorbed and shallow. Even women who self-identify as "nerdy". Guess what, though: men can too, and in some ways, they can be even worse about it. I have, sadly, dated male geeks who wanted me around because having an attractive female on their arm supposedly raised their status, somehow. Never mind that I was at least as intelligent as they were; they wanted a trophy, and nothing more. However, I've stuck with the high-IQ set, instead of lowering my standards, because I am attracted to intelligence. I think that many, many other women out there are as well, but given the still-prevalent expectation that "girls aren't..." (good at math, interested in science, fill in your stereotype of choice), most women are more than a little reluctant to admit it. The 50s-era maternal admonition of "boys don't like girls who are too smart" still echoes today.
Luckily, I never bought into it. So I sit here, posting on Slashdot, an intelligent, fit, good-looking geek woman, who isn't ashamed to admit the fact. And I think that I speak for a number of my fellow geekettes, gentlemen, when I say that smart is sexy. If you want to engage my hormones, engage my brain first. I'm not going to make hot sweaty snugglebunnies with anyone with whom I can't have a good conversation.
Re:Oh, fer frack's sake... (Score:3, Insightful)
Appearance fades, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but the end result is always the same. A sharp mind is a joy long after other things fade.
Re:Oh, fer frack's sake... (Score:4, Insightful)
Most women (and men, for girl geeks) want things that geeks, for all their protestations to the contrary, don't want to give them.
How do I know this? Let me put it this way, I was happier when I didn't have a girlfriend! I love my girlfriend, but she drives me crazy. Lot's of reasons, but financial ones are the biggest ones.
It doesn't help that our society pushes emotionally unready people into relationships by acting like, "Oh, if you only had a boyfriend or girlfriend, you problems would be solved." The reality is, "oh, you've got a boyfriend or a girlfriend, that's another problem."
Beauty and the Geek! (Score:3, Interesting)
I don't see how geeks and nerds can be better lovers from that show especially with Richard.
A couple notes (Score:3, Informative)
1) Don't stink. Yes, I know you can't tell. Nerd types have had enough cool things happen (code compiled, game beaten, etc) while utterly reeking that we lose the automatic association between hygiene and effective living. I'm serious, everyone else has it, we don't. So just accept:
a) In the morning, you must:
i: Shower. Soap everywhere. It's better to annoy people with longer showers than to annoy them with too short ones. A shower radio can help (this one has MP3 [cctvproducts.com] and a mirror for shaving!).
ii: Brush your teeth and use Listerine. At least occasionally floss.
iii: Put on underarm deodorant. I recommend antiperspirant gels. If you have recurring, serious problems anywhere you sweat alot -- it's fungus, and it needs to die. Tinactin works. If you're out in public, and realize your underarms stink -- squeeze teabags under your armpits in the bathroom. Works well (thank you, worse case scenario guide to sex and dating). Oh, those new body sprays (Axe, etc) may be budget cologne, but reactions to them ain't bad. Don't wear too much of it, though, and no it's not a replacement for a shower.
iv: Wear clean clothes. Your pants and your jacket are the only thing you can re-wear. Everything else goes in the biohazard pile.
b) After school or after work, if you're going out anywhere you need to impress anyone, you are generally expected to do all the above again. Annoying, sure. But even if you don't stink by dinner, you may start ripening by bedtime.
c) Your clothes must fit. Baggy is vastly better than too tight. Can't emphasize this enough. Wear a belt; people really hate seeing asscrack. Don't wear corporate tech t-shirts you got at a trade show, except for Google. They're an exception that proves the rule. Speaking of clothes, no visible pit stains, and if it's ever really, really stunk -- it needs to be washed in hot water, generally with bleach, or the bacteria and fungi that eat your sweat will be primed and ready to excrete the stuff that actually stinks. This is the idea behind undershirts and underwear, by the way. The bleach and hot water make your colored stuff fade.
Regarding wardrobe issues -- girls do like shopping with guys (Ken doll, they're not paying, get to be useful, etc), but you actually can't say things like "I dunno, whatever." Feedback is necessary, even if you don't actually know or care. So say things like, "Bring me two or three things, and I'll tell you which is my favorite of them." You actually get to be honest here -- she'll like all three, this ain't the SAT -- but be confident in whatever you answer, and frankly, it doesn't matter that much so answer quickly.
Shoes matter an absurd amount. Exercise shoes (Nike, Reebok) are only to be worn during exercise.
Regarding diet and exercise -- Atkins does work, but alot of people do end up sick (I was the biggest defender of the program
Exercise, it sucks, I know, they lie. But there's a trick: GBA/PSP while pedaling on a stationary bike works shockingly well, especially while playing an RPG.
If you've got some cash, getting a recumbent exercise bike and plopping it in front of your PS2/Xbox works really well too. Just link gaming to pedaling, and your body will think it's enjoying pedaling while your mind is enjoying the game. Weird, but it happens.
Just remember -- exercise is indeed boring, but it's a lot better than eight hours a day of hard labor.
d) This won't fix everything. There's a world of social learning you need to do. You can't learn the social elements from a Slashdot post (though I
reminds me of a joke I once heard... (Score:5, Funny)
The lawyer pipes up. "Don't do it guys, I don't care how pretty she is. I see this every day in my profession, some fool cheats on his wife with some pretty little thing, she finds out, before you know it he's lost half his house, half his assets, half his future paycheck and can't even see his kids any more...And with all that stress, it's just not worth it."
Then the artist pipes in. "no no no no...life is for living...how can you live in fear like that. Imagine the romance...the passion...the secrecy and mystery. That is what life is about my friend, who cares if you get caught, life should be lived dangerously and passionately."
The programmer looks up over his glasses and says "yeah, I've got mistress...have had one for quite a few years now".
The lawyer and artist are shocked. The certainly wouldn't have expected that from thier geeky little friend. The artist pipes up:
"Oh my friend...tell us, what's it like. Are you always stressed out worried about what you could loose...is it passionate and wonderful...what?"
The programmer looks up again and say "It's great...best thing I've every done.........wife thinks I'm with the girlfriend, girlfriend thinks I'm with the wife, I can go get some coding done."
boom tish
Re:Just after I got castrated! (Score:5, Funny)
I will say what you did took some, er.... Nevermind.
Soko
Re:Nerds Make Better Lovers??? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The Real Reason is that Geeks Are Submissive (Score:3, Interesting)
Don't call it femdom. PLEASE!
I will agree that there is a feminizing of men going on (the whole Metro thing) but do not think that you will be "on top" or you ahve a right to be on top. This is largely due to the Pill. It puts power back into women's hands. They get to control if and when they reproduce. It is this finals say that allows them to take on higher education, careers and become wealthy and a huge part of the economy with all the repurcussions therein.
I also admit in societies
Re:The Real Reason is that Geeks Are Submissive (Score:3, Insightful)
I'm sorry, but this paragraph just drips with disrespect, and I find I can't let it pass unchallenged.
You've also, I believe, got it wrong: Geeks don't crave discipline and submission (honestly, when a world-