Trey Parker and Matt Stone Save Enterprise

maotx writes "Paramount has agreed to permit Star Trek Enterprise to run for the fifth season which under normal circumstances, the sci-fi show would be impossible to produce with the reduced budget. Enter Star Trek fans Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, to save the day. The two will rename the show to "Team Enterprise" and will keep the voices of the original actors. With the lack of a budget for CGI effects the two will use a model of the Enterprise NX-01, thus reviving an old Star Trek tradition. "We prefer the look of physical, tangible models over CGI ships any day," Parker said. "Of course, we have no visual effects budget whatsoever, so we won't be painting out the strings. You'll get used to it. Still trying to figure out where to put the propeller." They then went on to comment: "We're also gonna re-do the opening title sequence," Stone revealed. "Record a new theme -- something bombastic, action-oriented. Y'know, something that isn't, like, totally gay.""

Team Starfleet: Space Police

[Anonymous Coward]

Starfleet, Fuck Yeah lyrics

Starfleet...
Starfleet...
Starfleet, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
Starfleet, FUCK YEAH!
The Federation is the only way yeah,
Non-members your game is through cause now you have to answer to...
Starfleet, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
Starfleet, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
It's the dream that we all share; it's the hope for tomorrow

FUCK YEAH!

Terrans, FUCK YEAH!
Vulcans, FUCK YEAH!
Bajorans, FUCK YEAH!
Tellarites, FUCK YEAH!
Binars, FUCK YEAH!
Andorians, FUCK, YEAH!
Benzites, FUCK YEAH!
Klingons, FUCK YEAH!

Prime Directive, FUCK YEAH!

Trill, FUCK YEAH!
Ferrengi, FUCK YEAH!
Rigelians, FUCK YEAH!
Risians, FUCK YEAH!
Zakdorns, FUCK YEAH!
Denebulons, FUCK YEAH!
Caitians, FUCK YEAH!
Alpha Centaurians, FUCK YEAH!
Betazedians (Betazeds?)
(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)

Re:Team Starfleet: Space Police

[PepeGSay]

That is not a troll. It's pretty funny. And he could list all the Starfleet species.... come on.

Re:Team Starfleet: Space Police

[EnronHaliburton2004]

Everyone's got Kreetassan pathogen [startrek.com], Kreetassan pathogen, Kreetassan pathogen!

Kreetassan pathogen
Kreetassan pathogen
Kreetassan pathogen
!!!
Kreetassan pathogen
Kreetassan pathogen
Kreetassan pathogen
!!!

Re:Team Starfleet: Space Police

[Basehart]

Tribbles, FUCK YOU!!!! sorry, I mean FUCK YEAH!

+5 Funny (First one today!)

[AKAImBatman]

But the new Trek producers can cut corners by utilizing existing props and sets from "Team America." So don't be surprised if Captain Archer looks suspiciously like Alec Baldwin, Trip Tucker like Matt Damon, Travis Mayweather like Samuel L. Jackson, T'Pol like Janeane Garofalo, and Malcolm Reed like Susan Sarandon.

That's the funniest shit I've seem all day! Kudos to StarTrek.com! :-D

Re:+5 Funny (First one today!)

[jangobongo]

Please, please no guest visits by Mr. Hanky The Talking Christmas Poop...

Re:+5 Funny (First one today!)

[conteXXt]

and this little gem " (Those who are not invited back to voice their character parts due to budget constraints will be invited to write an episode as compensation.) " The horror.

Damn April fools!

[Thud457]

Hey! Wait a minute, I kinda like that idea! Like a modern version of Thunderbirds. It's time for Star Trek in a different vein, a comedy would be good! This could work.

Re:+5 Funny (First one today!)

[The Angry Mick]

I thought this bit was particularly funny:

Another actor requested the producers install a high-speed internet connection and a microphone at her house so she could just phone in her performance.

KHAAAAAAAAAARTMAN!

[smug_lisp_weenie]

KHAAAAAAARTMAN! [answers.com]

Re:KHAAAAAAAAAARTMAN!

[HTTP Error 403 403.9]

Oh my god! They killed Spock!

You bastards!

Re:KHAAAAAAAAAARTMAN!

[Anonymous Coward]

"Wessel? Wessel?!! Dude, what the @#%!! is a wessel!?!"

RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!!!!!!!!!!

[FLDiver]

U know whut this means? Klingons can kill Kenny every week! Stan and Kyle up to their ears in green alien cooze, and More Anal Probes for Cartman (ok, the less special effects on that the better!)

Re:KHAAAAAAAAAARTMAN!

[Colonel Cholling]

Oh, please. At least link to the right page. [khaaan.com]

cmon now

[Phil246]

april fools jokes are getting a little worn now. time to call it quits i think

Re:cmon now

[nacturation]

It's official: the sharks are starting to jump Slashdot.

Re:cmon now

[dmf415]

Its a tradition!

Re:cmon now

[StalinsNotDead]

Odd.

You speak as if the editors read the comments.

Re:cmon now

[MyLongNickName]

Worse.

You speak as if the editors read the submissions!

Re:cmon now

[Lord_Dweomer]

Unfortunately, since the editors never have really cared what their readership things, we will continue getting these extremely predictable, extremely obvious April Fools stories. The best we can do is not read them and not post to them since doing so will hurt the ad revenue generated by them (hopefully, if ever so insignificantly).

Re:cmon now

[xstonedogx]

Also a little worn is people complaining about it in each and every thread. What's worse is that, unlike these joke story submissions, the complaints will probably continue for another week. Let's find what joy we can, instead.

Re:cmon now

[muckdog]

no, they're not, hey look something shiney

Re:cmon now

[Basehart]

An easy one to do while watching the shot of the Pope's apartment windows on TV is "the lights went out" I've got five people with that one.

Another rumor

[Dilbert_]

I also hear they are going to introduce a new alien species that look a lot like fish...

Fish Aliens

[BobPaul]

I also hear they are going to introduce a new alien species that look a lot like fish...

Yeah... they're gonna call them "Fish"

Y'know...

[the_skywise]

That one I almost wish was true...

Special Effects

[The Snowman]

In other words, Star Trek's special effects get an upgrade.

Re:Special Effects

[fm6]

Not to mention the writing! But which character will die in every episode?

Re:Special Effects

[EnronHaliburton2004]

But which character will die in every episode?

Porthos.

Woof.

Re:Special Effects

[Colonel Cholling]

In other words, Star Trek's special effects get an upgrade.

Maybe you meant that sarcastically, but I've always wondered why people just have to use CGI over models for space shows. Isn't it just possible that a metal and plastic model looks a lot more like a metal and plastic spaceship than something you cooked up with Lightwave? To me, Babylon 5, Voyager, and all the other crappy CGI shows looked even more ridiculous than the original Trek.

Before fighting...

[filtur]

The captain will now always yell "Respect my authoritah!"

Re:Before fighting...

[Pfhreak]

"That hot, alien babe warped my fragile, little mind."

April Fools.

[Anonymous Coward]

APRIL FOOLS! Too easy.

Re:April Fools.

[nmb3000]

Seeing this post was modded Informative, I've lost all hope I had left for Slashdot moderation.

Honestly, it's too bad there's not a "No Shit You Dumbass" moderation.

so many mod points ...

[seringen]

Having mod points on April First is like having root on a broken computer: It might in theory give you some power, but there's no way to use it effectively.

Re:so many mod points ...

[Jellybob]

Agreed... I've got a bunch to use up, but I'm not doing it today unless they add a "-1: Bitter Old Man" rating so I can mod all those people who just don't get why April Fools is so fun.

Re:so many mod points ...

[sharkey]

Having mod points on April First is like having root on a broken computer

Though to be nitpicky about it, Windows doesn't truly have a "root" account.

Re:so many mod points ...

[Sheepdot]

And...

Getting modded on April First is like getting laid, it feels pretty cool that you don't have to be an actual geek to get it done, but later on you're embarrased about just how low you had to drop your standards to accomplish that task.

Re:so many mod points ...

[Dizzle]

How ironic then, that your comment got modded +5 insightful.

Re:so many mod points ...

[Sheepdot]

Yeah, no crap. I think someone's trying to tell me something. It was just intended to be for the author of the original comment.

Finally!!!

[HTTP Error 403 403.9]

A good fart joke will re-energize the Star Trek franchise.

Interesting ....

[mnemonic_network]

Can't wait to see how it looks

I wanna live!

[drewzhrodague]

I wannt live! I wanna live!

will keep the voices of the original actors?

[lildogie]

I think all the characters should have the voice of Majel Barrett.

Re:will keep the voices of the original actors?

[b1t r0t]

I think all the characters should have the voice of Majel Barrett.

...and James Doohan.

/then we'd have some really animated acting

As long as Berman gets shot out of a cannon...

[The_REAL_DZA]

...I won't mind if this one does turn out to be true (especially if Cartman does a guest appearance...maybe HE could be the one to actually fire the cannon!)

Joke all day hey

[btk667]

It's been a long day! ;)

I'm actually glad this is a April Fools joke

[sfcat]

I never understood the obsession with Star Trek but to each his own I guess. The bad acting always ruined it for me. Hey, its better than American Idol and The bachelor at least.

April Fool!

[tadd]

gotta be

Little known secret

[AtariAmarok]

William Shatner has, in fact, been played by one of these marionation puppets since 1996. The unlifelike sheen of his skin and the jerky speech patters are a dead give-away.

Re:Little known secret

[SmokeHalo]

The unlifelike skin sheen and jerky speech patterns have been there since way before 1996. ;)

GO TEAM ENTERPRISE!!!!!

[dfn5]

Have Hank and Dean Venture joined the crew of Enterprise?

Countdown to the flood of anti-April 1st posts

[OmegaBlac]

5 4 3 2 1...

I would pay money to see Cartmann as Captain

[Cr0w T. Trollbot]

"I guess you didn't hear me, oh high and mighty Klingon commander, I said lick my hot sweaty balls!"

_____
"Screw you guys, I'm beaming home."

_____
"Sorry, we have a little morale problem with Ensign Redshirt. It seems-"

"Beam him into space. Now, onto the issue of dinner. I want-"

"Captain! we can't just beam a crew member into space. It's-"

"GODDAMN IT! I SAID BEAM HIM INTO SPACE! RESPECT MY A-THOR-I-TAY!"

- Crow T. Trollbot

Ironic

[boschmorden]

That Kenny dies in every episode and wears a red shirt (coat).

OMG

[Greyfox]

I know it's a joke, but they totally should! For one thing, puppets with strings would have less wooden acting than the original cast. Second, Matt and Trey have the connections to do things like bring on Keanu Reeves's voice and have him be a red shirt that gets killed before he has a chance to actually say anything. I think if anyone could save the ailing Trek franchise, it'd be Matt and Trey.

So like,

[Duhavid]

Go do it.

Re:OMG

[Enzo1977]

Second, Matt and Trey have the connections to do things like bring on Keanu Reeves's voice and have him be a red shirt that gets killed before he has a chance to actually say anything.

Let us think about that for a minute. We all have the capacity to bring on Keanu Reeves' voice but then kill off his character before he speaks.

what would have been cool....

[SQLz]

...is if they did all real news and 1 really good april fools joke that at least tricked some idiots into posting long diatribes about how they are going to contact their senator or never buy another Snickers bar ever again.

Re:what would have been cool....

[Lars T.]

Hey, I think it works even better the other way around.

BASTARDS!

[AnalogDiehard]

They killed CmdrTaco!

Re:BASTARDS!

[hesiod]

> They killed CmdrTaco!

Oh, you and your april fools jokes!

I got all excited and thought that the number of /. dupes would be lowered, but alas I was tricked by AD!

ugh.

[deviator]

maybe it's because I've suffered through years of these silly april fools postings, but come on already - we get it - it's april fools - these things really aren't very funny anymore; they're just plain dumb.

can we get back to real items only of interest to hard core geeks (and NOBODY else?)

Re:ugh.

[geekoid]

"can we get back to real items only of interest to hard core geeks (and NOBODY else?)"

Why would slashdot start doing that now?

Most the stories aren't to get you, there just humorious.

Re:ugh.

[deviator]

I do in fact remember a day (maybe in 1997?) where slashdot covered geeky stuff that was completely insignificant to the population at large...

now it's just mostly dups & dumpb April Fools jokes.

I knew this was fake

[Rinzai]

...but I almost did a spit take anyway. Could be the best 0401 all day.

April Fools

[Mad Ogre]

This April Fools thing is getting carried away. Next thing that will be reported is OSX for x86 and MS Linux.

["OT"] making April 1st a public holiday

[multi io]

...well, at least for certain professions like politicians, press offices, financial advisors etc.

It's just too much hassle (and too expensive) to persuade everybody that everything that was publicly announced on April 1st was meant completely seriously (if it was).

Re:["OT"] making April 1st a public holiday

[The-Bus]

Yes, I bet Karol Wojtyla is in his room, laughing at the whole Catholic world right now. In a few hours he's going to come out skiing out of his room, yelling, "I'm fine! My organs work just fine! I got you good, Catholics!"

This is NOT a good day for any serious news.

South Park Trek?

[GrouchoMarx]

Wow! And I didn't think they could do anything more kill Star Trek. Good ol' Paramount, they can always find a new way to destroy that series. :-)

(No, I don't like South Park.)

Post Noon

[Malicious]

Apparently no one told the /. editors that April Fools day ends at noon.

Re:Post Noon

[SmokeHalo]

It's been mentioned...but where are you in relation to the international dateline?

Re:Post Noon

[HybridJeff]

The fact that it ends at noon is just an april fools joke that we play on the fools gullable enough to believe it.

If only it wasn't April 1st

[dtfinch]

That really sounds like a neat idea.

Anyone else think /. has sucked today?

[Moderation abuser]

Usually April 1 is just about bearable, but they seem to have gone out of their way to overdo it this time.

In the meantime, have a look at the new Triumph Speed Triple. You may need a bib:

http://www.triumph.co.uk/uk/788.aspx [triumph.co.uk]

Peak torque at *5100* rpm. Mwhahahahahaha!!! Not 8,000 or 9,000 like some other hunks of junk.

It's amazing...

[-kertrats-]

It's amazing the number of people that feel the need to point out that these stories are jokes.

Re:It's amazing...

[Dorf on Perl]

It's amazing the number of people that feel the need to point out that these stories are jokes.

Come again now?

Enough

[J.R. Random]

Is there going to be at least one straight news story today?

Re:Enough

[geekoid]

Elton John is no longer gay.

Careful what you ask for, you just might get it.

Ok really, just knock it off.

[fwitness]

Really. Enough is enough.

Completely off topic

[Locke2005]

You know, the pope had better not die today, 'cause if he does, nobody is going to beleive the announcement!

Slashdot on April Fools....

[c0dedude]

Where funny goes to die.

Screw you all

[photozz]

for the shot of adrenalin I got reading the headline only to find out it's fake. god damn you. God damn you to hell.

For future reference...

[popo]

It's only a good April Fool's post if you manage to fool someone.

(That applies to all today's 'pranksters')

"Star Trekkin"

[jangobongo]

They then went on to comment: "We're also gonna re-do the opening title sequence," Stone revealed. "Record a new theme -- something bombastic, action-oriented. Y'know, something that isn't, like, totally gay.""

I vote for "Star Trekkin" [gprime.net] by The Firm as the new theme song.

Gives a whole new meaning to hang'n on by a thread

[Jackie_Chan_Fan]

I cant wait to see Mr Hanky the wonderborg poo go back in time with Locutus to spread christmas joy to all the boys and girls back on earth. Howdy Ho! we are borg and you will be confagulated !!!!

Yes i made that word up... It's sci fi ass... Invert the phase convertors and run a level 3 diagnostic. Engage mr Hat! Engage my sweet sweet ass mr Hat!

To boldy go where no hand puppet has gone before! ... AND MEAN WHILE BACK AT THE HALLS OF JUSTICE...

Spokstan turns captain Kile and raises an eyebrow

Spokstan: "

Mod Slashdot -1,OffTopic, because...

[antispam_ben]

no one watches Star Trek anymore. Let them merge with Dr. Who to save money and consolidate management. That Enterprise series was just ancient history anyway.

Ugh. This day sucks.

[ThresholdRPG]

April 1st is the WORST day to use the internet.

Every web site operator seems to fell compelled to pull some kind of goofy trick or have some kind of bogus story.

It might have been funny 10 years ago. But guess what folks, its been done.

Enough already.

April 1 is just another day.

copy cats

[plopez]

"Of course, we have no visual effects budget whatsoever, so we won't be painting out the strings."

sort of like an old dr. who episode....

Re:I say this every year...

[Nuxi2k4]

this one sounds like it is about a couple of dead horses, Enterprise(ok, maybe this one is a dead blue whale washed up on the beach) and April Fools day jokes.

But you never do

[BobPaul]

Then I grumble something about a "dead horse" and pledge to ignore Slashdot the rest of the day.

But you never do, do you? You posting finger has given you away ;)

Re:This is 2x the retard level

[halivar]

And secondly everyone knows Star Wars is better execpt for JarJar.

I'm sorry, but you lose this one. You conveniently left out:
1) Greedo shoots second.
2) Anakin in E1.
3) Anakin in E2.
4) Anakin in E3.
5) Mitochlorians.
6) Mark Hamill.
7) A BBEG named "Dooku".
8) Rebel fleet is commanded by a lobster.

Sorry, but Star Wars is teh gay. Seven-of-Nine beat it hands down.

Re:This is 2x the retard level

[Anonymous Coward]

Seven-of-Nine beat it hands down.

Yeah, you wish. It may be inspired by her, but we all know you're using your own hands to beat it.

Congratulations! and *BSD news too!

[AtariAmarok]

"MATT DAEMON!!!"

Congratulations! Netcraft confirms that you have just won the contest for renaming the BSD "Beastie" mascot. As your prize, you get a years supply of Ben Affleck "Gigli" DVDs. Enjoy!

Re:Congratulations! and *BSD news too!

[UWC]

What does a year's supply of a single DVD title mean? One a day? A new one every time you shatter your current one upon trying to endure it? Would you also receive a replacement player if the movie renders your current one useless?

I don't know about you...

[AtariAmarok]

"What does a year's supply of a single DVD title mean? "

I don't know about you, but a DVD with a little as a short theatrical trailer of "Gigle" is enough to last me a lifetime!

Re:Congratulations! and *BSD news too!

[hesiod]

Luckily for you, 0 copies of Gigli would be plenty for a year.

Re:Thank God...

[metlin]

For the love of god, leave this franchise alone until you can find the equivalent of Jackson for LOTR.

Excuse ME!? I'm sorry, that's like making Saddam the leader for UNICEF or something.

Jackson's adaptation was _mediocre_. On a scale of 1 to 10, it would perhaps rate a 3 or a 4, but not more. Hell, I'd say 4 is being kind.

Sure, it looks good as an independent series, but it is NOT in anyway even close to Tolkien's works, and he quite literally did a horrible, HORRIBLE job of it.

Kubrick - now he is a ma

Re:Thank God...

[metlin]

Yeah, Stargate rocks.

But I'm a little unhappy with RDA going off the show, however I do like Ben Browder (he was awesome in Farscape), so I hope SG-1 doesn't go the way of the dodo.

On the other hand, while Atlantis isn't _bad_, it still doesn't compare to SG-1. Yet.

Yeah? Well I'm Packing

[maotx]

I'm going to go hide now. You can't find me.