Bill Gates Denied Visa To Nigeria 405
Xight notes a Gizmodo story that is a few days old but hasn't gotten a lot of play. It seems that Nigeria recently denied Bill Gates a visa to travel there on his recent trip to Africa. The initial denial was "on the premise that they required proof he would not reside in Nigeria indefinitely, causing a strain on social services and a general nuisance for immigration." The comments to the post are worth reading too.
Misreading (Score:5, Funny)
I read it as "Bill Gates Denies Vista for Nigeria"
They would be very lucky if that was the case
Re:Misreading (Score:5, Funny)
Then again, it is 5:55am here and I have just finished an essay.
Re:Misreading (Score:5, Funny)
windows 98...shame on you
windows Me...shame on me
windows vista...GTFO of our country
Funniest think I've read all week
Re:Misreading (Score:5, Interesting)
Some background: Dare uses his father's political power as an excuse to act like an ass in the halls of the Borg - you may remember the amusing Flame War [25hoursaday.com] between him and Al Billings. (Al Billings is a whiner who can't get anything of value done (cf Netcaptor/Borgzilla/MSN Explorer), probably blames it on management, and unfortunately now does QA work at Firefox). Because he "isn't afraid to criticize" (ie shouts louder than everyone else) Dare Obasanjo has a reputation as being exactly the forward thinking kind of guy who might bring new revenue streams to Micro$oft, instead of what he actually is, a loudmouth frat boy type living off his father's name.
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So maybe Bill Gates just didn't pay enough bribe?
Re:Misreading (Score:5, Funny)
loudmouth frat boy living off dad's name (Score:4, Funny)
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It's not just funny that they denied his Visa, it's a slap in the face that a country that is so universa
Re:Misreading ... wow great essay? (Score:4, Funny)
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Re:Misreading (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah, me too. Of course, after reading the title correctly, I am left wondering:
Why does Bill Gates need a Visa? Isn't he rich enough to pay with cash? Surely he qualifies for an American Express Card! Master Card, Diners Club, Discover? Visa can't be his only option!
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He really isn't going to earn them much in interest charges. Unless the man is lazy whipping his accountants I do believe he will be quite on time with the FULL payment. This is really rather dreadful and such they did the proper course of action.
No Bill, no visa for you today, but perhaps he will have good luck with that Diners Club card! Unfortunately, I believe the 7-11 here will probably write the letters LOL on a sheet of paper before pointing toward the door.
Re:Misreading (Score:4, Informative)
Re:Misreading (Score:5, Funny)
Misread as... (Score:5, Funny)
"Bill Gates denied Vista to Nigeria"
For a moment I wondered if Microsoft was trying to do something about 419 scams.
Re:Misread as... (Score:5, Funny)
Reminds me of an old story... (Score:5, Funny)
If it's not a true story, it should be.
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:5, Funny)
My Dad was once going to the States from Canada. The border guard asked him if he was carrying firearms. He replied, "My God, is it really that bad here? Do you seriously recommend it?"
While I thought it was funny, I will also admit that I didn't think it was the brightest thing to say at that time and place... but I guess clergy can get away with some things.
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:5, Funny)
No sense of humour at all.
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:4, Insightful)
I know of one English guy, who told me of his arrival in the country, where his friend had filled out the criminal record question on the immigration form, with exactly that: "I didn't think you needed one any more...". Customs took one look at it, he got taken off for a private interview, and ended up heading back to Heathrow the same day.
Thousands of £'s to see the inside of Sydney airport, can't come back for years, holiday they had planned for years ruined.
Pretty funny huh ?
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You need to choose the right time to wise-crack them. Only ever had one opportunity and took it.
Needed to renew a TN-1 visa. While entering Canada, grinding her teeth she asked "What is your purpose of visiting Canada?" My reply, "To turn around and get hell back out.". She promptly said go and watched as I did. Hey, what was she going to do? Kick me out?
I suspect she called the US side and told them about me. I was in and out with my new TN-1 in a record 7 minutes.
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:4, Insightful)
Oh, they're known for their sense of humour alright. Its just not the sort of sense of humour you want to be on the butt end of.
Re:Fuck you. (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Fuck you. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Fuck you. (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Fuck you. (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Reminds me of an old story... (Score:4, Funny)
But those Customs guys don't have much of a sense of humour. Suggest that no American or Brit tries the joke out to see what happens.
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My "heritage" does not include any criminal transportees. Though if it did, I would not be bothered. I'm a 5th-generation Australian. You have to be at least 8th to have that distinction. This is a racist joke, though I know we white people aren't allowed to take offence at such. And I wouldn't mind if it wasn't dragged out here every fucking time Australia was mentioned, and mo
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Don't worry, many humorless oafs such as yourself still manage to find productive work as immigration officers.
The only way he's going to become a nuisance... (Score:5, Funny)
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What's next? MasterCard? (Score:5, Funny)
My Dearest (Score:5, Funny)
we are deeply grateful sorry to not be approval of your visa into the country of Nigeria. The reasons for not doing so are abundant in nature. Please to rectify the following dear concerns we have:
1) ur dick is 2 small. This pleases no Nigerian woman and is offensive toward the women. You think having average sized cock is OK? Regards, no.
2) we believe for you want to reside in Nigeria indefinitely, causing a strain on social services and a general nuisance for immigration. If this is not your meaningful wish, offer to us a letter in explanation.
3) You aren't really want to come to Nigeria, no? Tell us who you, in reality, are in person.
Nigerian customs will make you a real man!
Very Regards,
Nigerian Immigration.
Re:My Dearest (Score:5, Informative)
You know, I try to only post funny stuff now, and every negative mod I get brings the ol' karma down, since the funny mods, like goggles in acid, do nothing.
Once that karma hits zero, I'm taking my ball and leaving, and you all will be left with nothing but Monty Python quotes and Soviet Russia and Overlord jokes.
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And with a UID as low as yours, if you're truly worried about hitting zero karma - what the hell do you DO? I maxed my karma out years ago and it's never been an issue for me.
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It is kind of sad that funny doesn't get you points though. There's really not a whole lot of insight flying around on here anymore, but some of the posts are really damn funny. That should be encouraged.
But I digress. Mod this offtopic and overrated.
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Hopefully I'll passing out soon, but not before I hit submit.
Hello, My Name is Bill Gates (Score:5, Funny)
Hello, My Name is Bill Gates. Due to a recent administrative difficulty with the government of Nigeria, I himbly beseach your assistance in helping to move my $40,000,000,000 ass there. I will be so kind as to deposit a portion of this money in the account of your specification. Your assistance in this matter great isly apreciated, your servant, Bill Gates.
*URGENT* HELP NEEDED TO TRANSFER FUNDS (Score:5, Funny)
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106
X-Mimeole: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2800.1106
Date: Fri, 05 Oct 2007 16:11:04 +0000
Dear friend,
This letter might come to you as a surprise as we have not met
before,but I believe that you would be compelled to help me after
going through the contents of this letter.
My name is William Henry Gates III, borned October 28, 1955. I am a
American entrepreneur, philantropist and chairman of Microsoft,
a american software companny.
Basically, I was involved in maintaining my statusquo as the richest
man in the world until August (2007), when a Mexican bilionaire called
Carlos Slim surpassed my wealthy in (1) billion american
dolars. He (Carlos Slim) did not stop at that; he also went on to
afirm that his monopoly would be larger than mine.
As at this momemt, I have grudgingly gone to Nigeria, in disguise, to
undertake seizure of a hiden part of my fortune, totalling an extra USD
$28,750,000,000 (twenty eight billion, seven hundred and fifty million
United State Dolars) that I obtained from several russian organizations
for facilitating scams, trojans and keyloggers business in Windows(tm)
systems. However, since I must fake otherwise, I can only
unlock the money in the local branch of my bank in Abuja, but I cannot
take the money back with me.
Hopefully, however, I can use the services of a Diplomatic Courier to move
this money (registered as official docments) out of Nigeria to America.
All you need to do is to claim this money from the Courier Company. You will
be required to contact the Courier Company that moved this money (oficial
documents) out of Nigeria to America. All neccesaries which can facilitate
andn enable you claim the money on my behalf will be forwarded to you as
soon as your consent to procced is received.
For your assistance, you will be entitled to 20% of the total sum. This is
over US $5,000,000,000 (five billion United State Dolars) for you, my friend.
Can you help me? Are you trustworthy? Can you handle this money? Are
you capable of handling this money? If so, please contact me.
I will send instructions on how you must make a (symbolic) small initial
deposit by Western Union or MoneyGram (at your personal choice) to the Courier
company which will be promptly returned to you, just to prove that you have
a working bank account that can receive the aforementioned large sum of money.
Please send me your account details and address so that we can make this
whole transaction as quick as possible.
Your sincerely,
Mr. William Henry Gates (the third)
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man in the world until August (2007), when a Mexican bilionaire called
Carlos Slim surpassed my wealthy in (1) billion american
dolars. He (Carlos Slim) did not stop at that; he also went on to
afirm that his monopoly would be larger than mine.
Month ago it was proven Carlos' claim was unfounded. Bill Gates still *is* the richest man on Earth.
did they even hear what they were saying? (Score:5, Funny)
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Umaru Musa Yar'Adua?
Re:did they even hear what they were saying? (Score:5, Funny)
Jar Jar? Is that you?
Re:did they even hear what they were saying? (Score:5, Funny)
Shell, BP, Texaco,...
That's the language the US uses (Score:5, Insightful)
This kind of language is what [African] applicants for US visas face when denied US visas at the many US visa posts across the continent. I guess it cuts both ways.
Re:That's the language the US uses (Score:5, Insightful)
Yeah, other than the whole part where "he donates billions of dollars for health care and education" in that miserable country and its continent. Yes, there's SUCH a risk of him being a strain on their social services. African applicants for US visas face reality when they apply to come to the US. Nigeria denying Gates a visa isn't even remotely the same thing, and suggesting that it is cheapens the work and patience that would-be immigrants to the US have to show if they're not going to be illegal.
Re:That's the language the US uses (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:That's the language the US uses (Score:5, Interesting)
Precisely the problem. If they let him in, he'll find out it was all diverted to greedy government officials and cut them off!
Canadian perspective (Score:5, Interesting)
Seriously. Dude. I'm already a citizen of CANADA. Don't flatter yourselves.
(note for the humour-impaired: I actually did consider the move before 9/11 - but today?? It's hard not to laugh at the border when they accuse me of this.)
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Re:Canadian perspective (Score:4, Interesting)
So don't flatter yourself.
--
Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms should be the name of a store, not a government agency.
Yeah, you guys get our excess rednecks!
In all seriousness, Canada's immigration rate is nearly double that of the US. The rest of the world disagress with your statement. Except maybe Russians - most of them are accustomed to living in a police state already.
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get real (Score:5, Interesting)
(I suspect that his notoriety is kind of a nuisance for other people with that name, who probably have to deal with "stop clowning around, what's your real name" a lot. It's probably kind of nice that Nigeria treats the name as just a name).
On the other hand, maybe they just correctly reasoned through that Gates was retiring in 2008, that Windows is having problems, and that his company definitely is being an economic nuisance to Nigeria already.
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Re:get real (Score:4, Funny)
It could get even worse... I knew someone named Richard Wadd... those were some cruel parents...
Nephilium
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My urologist is Dr. Richard Chopp. He also performs vasectomies.
Nigerian economics (Score:5, Insightful)
Nigerian economy is in a crapper.
Wha huh? (Score:3, Insightful)
This is by far one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen...
Re: (Score:2, Troll)
Seems like something he might do.
Re:Wha huh? (Score:5, Funny)
Duh.
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It looks like you want a bacon treat. Would you like to:
1) Sit?
2) Roll over?
3) Not have a treat?
4) Help
Bill didn't follow standard operating procedure (Score:5, Interesting)
I actually had some problems with getting in myself that my employer had specifically prepared me to deal with, giving me a supply of local cash and instructions to use it liberally to ease my travel process. 500 Naira in the right hands turned the officials from meddlesome and probing to very welcoming in record time.
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Re:Bill didn't follow standard operating procedure (Score:4, Informative)
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Although the cost of living is (presumably) much lower there, and you can bet that a typical government worker in any position that deals with foreigners will probably be on a salary that's a lot better than average. I do agree with you, though
Heinlein had it right (Score:3, Interesting)
"No matter how lavishly overpaid, civil servants everywhere are convinced that they are horribly underpaid - but all public employees have larceny in their hearts or they wouldn't be feeding at the public through. These two facts are all you need - but be careful! - a public employee, having no self-respect, needs and demands a show of public respect." ("Friday", 1982)
If you have to pay, it must be the right amount, given in the right way. Corruption ha
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If it however were simply a matter of culture one wouldn't for instance expect to find Singapore in every top ten of least corrupt states. Surely similar cultures would have similar corruption scores, but many other countries that have Chinese and/or Malay culture (Malaysia, Indonesia, China) score considerably worse. North and western Europe are relatively unique as a contiguous block of countries wit
Re:Bill didn't follow standard operating procedure (Score:5, Interesting)
Does anyone recall an article from a while back about the audit of the budget for the movie Sahara? In the tax write-offs for the film (which was mostly shot in North Africa, not Nigeria) the producers actually wrote down "bribes" as an itemized deduction.
Oddly, US tax laws include some leeway for writing off donations in handling business elsewhere in the world. Just, very few people overtly itemize the deduction as bribery. Although, that is what the deduction does.
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Bill Gates purchases minor country (Score:5, Funny)
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419 (Score:2, Funny)
Nothing to see here... (Score:2)
It also gave them time to gather the hardcopies of their latest 419 scam^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hbusiness proposal for him to peruse.
All the nefarious world LOVES Bill and his sterling OS- once they found out that he wasn't denying Vista (as others have already joked about), the red carpet us rolled out: "Welcome MS!!! May our SPAM and phishes be your SPAM and phishes!!! BTW, got any spare botnets with you? Help us out, bro!"
The actual problem... (Score:3, Funny)
Nigeria uses Vista... (Score:2, Funny)
Most likely a political thing. (Score:5, Interesting)
I guess Nigeria just wanted to give the US a taste of its own medicine.
Tit-for-tat diplomacy (Score:2)
It's not just visa officers: U.S. immigration law assumes that all who set foot on U.S. soil seeking admission to the country are intending immigrants, until proven otherwise.
Visa requirements are very much a tit-for-tat affair. If people from Country A need a visa to visit Country B, Country A will insist on a visa for visitors from Country B.
...laura who need a visa for Turkey last year, because Turks need a visa to visit Canada
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I am pretty sure Nigeria doesn't have a big problem with Americans illegally immigrating into the nation. The most likely reason for this is simply that so
Integer overflow? (Score:5, Funny)
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You mean that recently-discovered MS-Excel math bug? Boy, wouldn't that be ironic.
Re:Integer overflow? (Score:4, Funny)
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Not a programmer.
His problem is that there are not enough... (Score:2)
They were just upset... (Score:2, Funny)
Foreign Competition (Score:4, Funny)
The real reason ... (Score:5, Funny)
Gates forgot to pay the necessary bribes (Score:2)
No big deal (Score:3, Insightful)
Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation *is* scary... (Score:3, Interesting)
So maybe the Nigerians were just trying to nip that IT monoculture in the bud.
I've spent a lot of time in NIgeria (Score:5, Interesting)
Even considering the people living there are doing the best they can with what they got - I have a lot of respect for the dignity of the ordinary Nigerians just getting on with life - it's a pretty crappy place.
My last two visits there THE POLICE tried to rob me, each time. And ordinary crime is far more pervasive and violent. Recently I read about an armed gang that raided a hotel lobby, fully knowing there would be business visitors checking in & out, with luggage, expensive laptops, mobile phones, cash and passports.
South and East of Lagos in the Niger Delta region, Europeans and Americans must travel with very heavy security, as abductions for ransom are appallingly common, to the point where we were issued cards with instructions for how our abductors could arrange payment. They aren't going to harm you, for many of the gangs operating there it's just a business! Killing is bad business. Returning live hostages yields cash.
Finally, there is a large North / South - Christian / Muslim divide, lots of tension that often erupts into violence.
If Bill Gates was really denied a visa to visit Nigeria, this was more than likely based on fears for his safety and how embarrassing it would be for Nigeria should one of the world's richest men be held for a Software Magnates ransom.
PS - While Africa's most populous country is hardly peaceful and not at all safe, I found it a strangely beautiful and compelling place.
Funny? (Score:5, Insightful)
I went throught the same. (Score:3, Interesting)
I kind of understand why this kind of thing would be a problem for a country like Switzerland, where in Zürich alone 20% of the population is of foreign descent, but how much of an incoming immigration problem does Nigeria really have?
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