Large User Groups Cause Spontaneous Greying 385
tiny69 writes "According to Microsoft, a Person's hair turns grey if there are more than 500 users in a User Group. Supposedly, the grey hair does not affect the functionality of the User Group. Microsoft claims to have a solution to fix the problem. How many people do you know that have hair that has turned grey? This web site has a large collection of links to humorous Microsoft Knowledge Base articles."
What a Suprise (Score:5, Funny)
My hair would turn grey too if I had to support 500 Windows users.
Re:What a Suprise (Score:5, Funny)
Re:What a Suprise (Score:4, Funny)
Out of curiosity, anyone have figures for how many slashdotters make a slasdhotting?
I'd ask the folks at jazzkeyboard, but they're
You should see my boss... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:What a Suprise (Score:2, Funny)
Now I'm doing something less stressful: working two jobs and going back to school.
Re:What a Suprise (Score:3, Funny)
Re:What a Suprise (Score:3, Funny)
Shaking my head... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Shaking my head... (Score:3, Funny)
Thanks. No really. I'll be here all week.
Re:Shaking my head... (Score:4, Informative)
Microsoft Support Hair Turning Gray Now (Score:2, Funny)
Going Grey (Score:2, Troll)
Re:Going Grey (Score:4, Funny)
Are the grey hairs I got trying to make sound work in KDE in the Linux knowledgebase?
(Well I figure we might as well translate this joke to both sides.)
Re:Going Grey (Score:2)
Yeah, that's why old joke gets as many yucks as BSOD comments. Heh.
You turn around fast. (Score:3, Informative)
I know I've spent less on hardware than you have because I get fine performance from less than "top-of-the-line" hardware. I have one machine that's better than 1GHz and nothing taxes me so much
Cue Roasted Server Jokes (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Cue Roasted Server Jokes (Score:5, Funny)
note: this function actually exists in the beos kernel kit, it is defined as
Plenty (Score:5, Funny)
My granparents to start with, then a couple of old folks in the neighbourhood, and Harrison Ford too..
Re:a few (Score:2, Funny)
Yet, still the slowest on the road... *sigh*
and.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:and.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:and.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:and.. (Score:4, Funny)
Re:and.. (Score:5, Funny)
You'd never think Ralph wiggum would end up being trumped by none other than the president of the United States himself.
Myself, I like... (Score:5, Informative)
Then what's the point of using a calculator in the first place?
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:2)
Maybe they did in the next version, since the "bug" only affects pre-95 versions...
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:2, Informative)
from your M$link: http://support.microsoft.com/?kbid=72540 [slashdot.org]
The information in this article applies to:
* Microsoft Windows 3.0
* Microsoft Windows 3.0a
* Microsoft Windows 3.1
* Microsoft Windows 3.11
* Microsoft Windows for Workgroups 3.1
* Microsoft Windows for Workgroups 3.11
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:5, Informative)
The innards of Calc - the arithmetic engine - was completely thrown away and rewritten from scratch. The standard IEEE floating point library was replaced with an arbitrary-precision arithmetic library. This was done after people kept writing ha-ha articles about how Calc couldn't do decimal arithmetic correctly, that for example computing 10.21 - 10.2 resulted in 0.0100000000000016.
(These all came from people who didn't understand how computers handle floating point. I have a future entry planned to go into floating point representations in more detail.)
Today, Calc's internal computations are done with infinite precision for basic operations (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division) and 32 digits of precision for advanced operations (square root, transcendental operators).
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:3, Funny)
Neat. So, Pi + 1 =
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:2)
Re:Myself, I like... (Score:2, Informative)
Re:Calculator - Missing Sqrt, Arc-trig functions (Score:5, Informative)
Seriously, get real for a minute - it's purely a convenience thing, not something intended to be a full-blown replacement for your HP-48 or whatever. People who need full-fledged scientific calculators probably already have one to begin with, and therefore just about nobody is going to care that you can't do arctans in the Windows calc. And the very few who do demand such things on their desktops can readily find more advanced calculators elsewhere.
Re:Calculator - Missing Sqrt, Arc-trig functions (Score:5, Informative)
Look on the top left of the calculator in scientific mode. There is an "inv" tickbox and a "hyp" one. To get arc-trig, tick the inv box, then click sin. Likewise, sinh can be performed by ticking hyp then pressing sin. Not the most obvious solution but not too bad either imho.
Re:CPU (Score:2)
Built in bug? (Score:3, Funny)
Oh that sort of user group .... (Score:2)
Ugh. (Score:2)
Re:Ugh. (Score:2)
Try this [64.233.167.104] <--Not a trick link.
many are not even remotely amusing (Score:5, Insightful)
Um, no, they're really not.
Sampling:
I like geeky humor as much as the next slashdot reader, but many of the "funny "articles aren't even remotely funny- many of them describe some unusual problem, and that's it.
There are a few gems(How to Read the Fucking Manual is amusing in that it's even there), but in general, they REALLY stretched the definition of "funny" on many of these submissions.
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:2)
I beleive it wasn't so much a stupid error as a funny side effect, nearest i could tell the bios had different values for different errors, since some errors are critical and cause bootup to fail (lack of bootable device, failing memory, etc. and oters are not critical but get a notification, and when putting the no keyboard error in it was set as a non-critical error, which prompts for a keypress,
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:2)
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:2)
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:3, Funny)
Please explain how one "plugs in" a bluetooth keyboard.
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:2)
I don't think this one's a real support page at Microsoft. Look at the link - it points to some Geocities [geocities.com] page....
Keep in mind.... (Score:3, Interesting)
Go ahead, flamebate me- point is that a sense of humor is a highly relative thing- one man's OMFGWTFROTFLMAO!!!1 is another man's "man, I just wasted $minutes of my life on this shit."
Cases in point : Saturday Night Live and User Friendly.
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:2)
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:3, Funny)
Read the Fantastic Manual
Re:many are not even remotely amusing (Score:4, Interesting)
sure it's not deep lasting humour but it's ok for a quick laugh.
others are just lame (Cookies Lost After Upgrading to Windows XP, whatever could that mean, or Q323927: How to Resurrect a Dead Character, yes i bet it's not a game), or like Q174630: Windows Restarts Continuously with Blue Screen, just not funny. at least for anyone who's had to deal with windows computers.
that page needs cutting down.
MS - New Business Venture (Score:2, Funny)
We have decided to give back the technology sector to the Real Programers and venture into contenet driven comedy web sites, shoot we already have the Database....
Funny.com look OUT!!
Ohhh, Microsoft. . . you hamm (Score:2)
I bet that customers really appreciate a good sense of humor while they are being bent over the shop-counter.
Don't fall to far in love, though, you're bound to end up with a virus and feeling end-used.
PS: How many systems did Visio PING? Ha, ha, ha, Oh, stop! No really. . . stop.
yipeee (Score:3, Funny)
Now we'll have to put up with all the linux fanboys sporting freshly died deep dark hair, claiming the latest kernal has made them young.
You can't make some of this stuff up... (Score:5, Funny)
Drr... Network Adapter Does Not Work if Unplugged [microsoft.com]
404
Thank god Mozilla remembers passwords Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords [microsoft.com]
!!! Explorapedia Nature: Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction [microsoft.com]
(insert your own quip here) Personalized Start Page Appears Upside Down and Backwards [microsoft.com]
After installing MS-DOS on a computer system with both MS-DOS and UNIX, your SCO UNIX login sign disappears. - no complaints here UNIX Login Sign Disappears After Installing MS-DOS [microsoft.com]
MS gets straight to the point Homepub Error Message: Something Is Missing... [microsoft.com]
Can you hear me now? WD2002: Text Is Typed by Office Assistant Sounds When Microphone Is Turned off or Unplugged [microsoft.com]
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery Left Mouse Button Click Acts Like Right Mouse Button Click [microsoft.com]
Hunny I shrunk the kids part 4 MSB Human Body Minimizes When Printing To HP Deskjet [microsoft.com]
So what happens if you create a Windows folder in
You don't say... ACC2000: Opening and Closing a Form Hundreds of Times Noticeably Affects System Resources [microsoft.com]
Rim shot please... Julia Child Err Msg: Insufficient Memory to Function [microsoft.com]
Has happened to me before Plus! 98: Computer Hangs When You Start Lose Your Marbles [microsoft.com]
Douglas Adams couldn't top this "Object Not Found" Error Message Accessing "The Known Universe" in MMS [microsoft.com]
And an oil change... MSB Solar: ErrMsg: Magic School Bus Needs More Memory [microsoft.com]
Re:You can't make some of this stuff up... (Score:5, Funny)
The Security Administrator Tool for Analyzing Networks (SATAN) is a UNIX- based testing and reporting tool that collects a variety of information about networked hosts. SATAN will attempt to access many UDP and TCP ports across the network in a very short space of time.
That proves it! UNIX is evil! Burn UNIX!
Re:You can't make some of this stuff up... (Score:3, Funny)
If you repent first, you can continue using Unix under the watchfull eyes of Santa instead.
from one of those pages... (Score:3, Funny)
SUMMARY
When you run Explorapedia and use the Exploratron to look at the Earth spinning, the Earth rotates in the wrong direction.
STATUS
Microsoft has confirmed this to be a problem in the World of Nature and not Explorapedia, version 1.0. Simply spin the Earth in the opposite direction, and then the direction indicated in the Exploratron will be correct.
Re:You can't make some of this stuff up... (Score:3, Funny)
Note that the number of required characters changes from 17,145 to 18,770 with the installation of SP1.
This could be a feature! (Score:5, Funny)
Hair stands on end if system under attack
Hair falls out if virus detected
Receeding hairline indicates time to patch the system
Punk green hairstyle means hacker detected
My favorite (Score:5, Funny)
Re:My favorite (Score:2)
my favourite is # 824973 (Score:5, Funny)
This article discusses how to install Red Hat Linux 6.2 on Microsoft Virtual PC 5 for Macintosh.
Talk about indecisive people.
Microsoft Products Cause Trichotillomania (Score:5, Funny)
Attempted Debugging of Microsoft Products Causes Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling)
IMPORTANT: This article contains information about modifying the registry. Before you modify the registry, make sure you wear a helmet to avoid the obsessive-compulsive disorder-inducing effects of attempting to modify the registry.
SYMPTOMS
If a user attempts to debug a problem with certain Microsoft products, the user will become frustrated and pull all of his or her hair out. This issue affects operating systems, servers, workstations, networking components, application programs, user groups, end user support personnel, and the ability to get a date.
RESOLUTION
WARNING: If you use Registry Editor incorrectly, you may exacerbate the problem. Microsoft cannot guarantee that you will be able to regrow your hair either with the assistance of a psychiatrist or with Rogaine(TM). Use Registry Editor at your own risk.
Windows debugging is inherently frustrating and causes users, administrators, managers, and shareholders to pull all their hair out, sometimes with needlenose pliers.
You can override this behavior in the registry. To do so, modify the FormatHardDiskOnStartup REG_DWORD value in the following registry key:
HKCU\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\Ru
The default value is 0x0; change this value to 0x1.
STATUS
Microsoft has confirmed that this is a problem in the Microsoft products that are listed at the end of this article.
WORKAROUND
It feels good when you stop. Also, try Hair Club for Men.
PRODUCTS AFFECTED
Windows 3.1
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows ME
Windows NT
Windows 2000
Windows XP
Windows Server 2000
Windows Advanced Server 2000
Windows Server 2003
Windows Advanced Server 2003
Windows Media Player
Windows Update
Microsoft Word
Microsoft Excel
Microsoft Visio
Microsoft Flight Simulator
Microsoft Access
Microsoft SQL Server
Microsoft PowerPoint
Microsoft Visual Studio
How can anyone take them seriously anymore? (Score:3, Funny)
SYMPTOMS
When you start the Create Shortcut wizard, a temporary icon is created that you can copy, send to a folder, or to which you can create a shortcut. These temporary icons are empty or point to nothing
Resolution:
To resolve this issue, ignore the temporary icon.
haha
SYMPTOMS
Computer unresponsive or may present blue screen of death.
ResolutionL
To resolve this issue, ignore the blue screen, this is normal.
Another example of Microsoft FUD campaing (Score:2)
What will be next? Programming for free causes impotence?
mirror (Score:2)
I WUV YOU, YOU WUV ME... (Score:5, Funny)
Is it just me, or are these not funny? (Score:2)
Is it just me, or are these just absolutely unfunny bugs? Just basic, and sometimes "D'uh" bugs, but still not funny.
Nothing beats Clarus, the Dogcow (Score:5, Funny)
http://developer.apple.com/technotes/tn/tn1031.
Or the original, TN31 which Apple seems to have removed from their website recently.
Moof.
Mirror (Score:2)
It's not really a joke... (Score:5, Informative)
The only thing that comes to mind (Score:2)
"BRING OUT THE GIMP! (Pulp Fiction)"
Now that will give you grey hair...
I like this one (Score:5, Funny)
Their explanation: The planet textures used in Space Simulator are compiled from NASA photographs and reference material. The NASA data on Mercury is incomplete, covering only one hemisphere of the planet. One hemisphere was therefore intentionally left blank, reflecting this lack of data.
Well, how inconsiderate of them. They should have put THIS SIDE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK or something...
Watch out! (Score:2)
Can I use it till I need glasses? (Score:2)
Interesting (Score:3)
I wish I had hair to turn grey. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2)
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2)
can someone who understands urls better than me explain?
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2, Informative)
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:3, Informative)
If you enter "imoou" in the Firefox address field (without anything else, just imoou), you'll get redirected to the first link as if you search the same term in google.com.
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2, Informative)
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2)
So it's at least not a universal bug.
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:3, Informative)
Oddly enough, Konqueror gives me an error about the url, but Firefox does send me to microsoft.com Strange but tr
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:4, Informative)
Re: (Score:2)
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2)
Re:I posted this earlier today (Score:2)
Re:...and the obligatory Windows bashing. (Score:2)
Re:...and the obligatory Windows bashing. (Score:2, Insightful)
Neither this knowledge base article, no the registry, are there for 'Joe Sixpack'. Microsoft isn't expecting everyone to stop the icon from changing haircolor, and it's harly a 'bug' that's going to cause anyone problems.
Sure, poking around the registry can be dang
why would joe sixpack be managing a domain? (Score:5, Informative)
Why would the mythical Joe Sixpack be managing a computer or domain with 500 users, and further, be bothered enough by the different icon color? A company with 500 windows users damn well better have an experienced windows tech.
It's probably there to help some poor geek in a fortune-500 whose PHB declares, "fix that" and makes him waste a week on it so the department looks busy.
Re:...and the obligatory Windows bashing. (Score:2)
Re:...and the obligatory Windows bashing. (Score:4, Insightful)
2) Joe Sixpack, while he might be able to with Windows Server 2003, isn't likely to spend the time to deploy DDNS, Windows Server 2000 or 2003, configure Active Directory, and then add his closest 500 friends into a single group and then wonder why the icon for the group changed color.
3) Out of 1000 administrators who would even hit this and be aware enough to notice it, how many do you expect would be disturbed enough by this feature to want to dig in and turn it off? My guess is that it would be in the single digits.
Re: MS proven bad (Score:2)
Re:Mouse dos (Score:2, Informative)
Re:Mouse dos (Score:3, Informative)
A lot of those links weren't funny at all, the only one that got me to laugh was a fake geocities page on the intricies of how to RTFM.
Re:Clearly an easter-egg "appeal" to young coders (Score:2, Insightful)
I guess you didn't read the articles or else you would know that. I shouldn't be surprised really.