Internet Enabled... Toilet Paper Dispenser

The BBC are reporting that one of the items displayed at this years Ideal Home Show at Earls Court is an internet enabled toilet roll browser. From the article: A unit installed in front of a toilet on the cubicle wall provides up-to-the-minute information on products, stocks and shares and lottery results. People can even print off the information on a standard toilet roll. Go Ahead, make your TCP Dump comments. We'll wait.

Hmm I gotta go..

[mAineAc]

Take a dump and watch the news. Am i the first post?

Excellent

[Lu Xun]

With my stock portfolio, toilet paper is the perfect place to print them out on. At least then they'd be good for something.

Mine is similiar

[Mattygfunk1]

My stock portfolio seems more like recycled toilet paper. Ewwww.

__________
cheap web site hosting [cheap-web-...ing.com.au] /shameless plug

Re:Excellent

[packeteer]

I_ dont remember a link or exactly who this was but a company was selling this. They sold stock quotes of over-inflated .com's at their peaks. At least all those stock quotes they are FINALLY good for something.

This gives new meaning...

[Nate B.]

...to the term "scrolling stock ticker"...

Re:This gives new meaning...

[los furtive]

yeah, now I can print my own shit tickets.

Re:This gives new meaning...

[Galvatron]

Actually, wasn't this the ORIGINAL meaning? It didn't print out on toilet paper, but you realize that the first stock tickers were not shown on digital displays, right?

The perfect way to read /.

[Anonymous Coward]

Can I get a screen dump of that?

make it a server rather than a browser?

[hkon]

I'd rather have a toilet roll holder that could notify someone when it was (almost) empty. Would be nice for public or semi-public places like schools etc.

Re:make it a server rather than a browser?

[KarMannJRO]

Yeah, that's exactly what I was expecting after I'd read the headline, before I finished off the body. It could even be a client instead, if for instance you had it contact your local toilet paper supplier and order more when it's running low, or something like that. But this is just window dressing.

Re:make it a server rather than a browser?

[matrix29]

I'd rather have a toilet roll holder that could notify someone when it was (almost) empty. Would be nice for public or semi-public places like schools etc.

Wouldn't it be better to create a high volume holder which locks securely at the top and has multiple dowels which retract out of the way when the previous roll is empty and holds multiple rolls. The other better choice is a system which dispenses Kleenex style with an accordian folding style stack.

Heck, if you just want something that beeps when empt

Re:make it a server rather than a browser?

[moonbender]

Gosh, so that's how it works!!

Re:make it a server rather than a browser?

[bluGill]

YEah, execpt that I'm not on the toilet with a dirty rear end and nothing to clean it with. I try to be in the habbit of checking before I sit down at a public toilet, but in most cases I forget. At home this is no problem because I keep spare rolls in the bathroom for this type of emergency.

At a restaruant I have to get up, put my clothes on, find someone who works there, get them to put in a fresh roll (hopefully they don't think they are too busy with something else), and then after that I can clean

A real leap forward...

[some damn guy]

..would be some damn charmin instead of that horrible industrial stuff.

Re:A real leap forward...

[SILIZIUMM]

That horrible industrial stuff, you mean what I call sandpaper on a roll ?

Re:A real leap forward...

[nurightshu]

My father calls it John Wayne toilet paper: it's rough, tough, and don't take shit off nobody.

In related news

[Theodore Logan]

Researchers have after years of study finally discovered a polynomial time algorithm for using toilet paper [collisiondetection.net], refuting the conjecture set forth by many researchers that this problem was intractable.

The related problem of determining whether the toilet seat should be up or down has, on the other hand, been proven to be NP-complete.

Re:In related news

[Spunk]

Hey crack-smoking moderators!

The article's about toilet paper. This guy's link is about toilet paper.

IT'S ON TOPIC!

Is it really necessary?

[j0m0hke]

Does anyone here honestly spend enough time on the toilet each day to make the money spent on this product worth it? While I can see how this could be useful whenever you happen to have a rather bad.. disease.. It doesn't make much sense on a daily basis. The price you would pay for this product just wouldn't be worth it imho. I could be wrong. Well, at least it's a step up from the fridge.

Re:Is it really necessary?

[bobv-pillars-net]

... Well, at least it's a step up from the fridge.

Or rather, a step down.

Actually, I can see where this might possibly pay for itself, in a business environment, if it manages to keep the delinquents so preoccupied that they forget to deface the walls.

Can it deal with....

[inode_buddha]

Corn v.2

Groan

[isorox]

Finally, a story where The Turd Report [slashdot.org] is ontopic, he can do reports straight from the scene

Almost perfect...

[JanneM]

I can't believe they missed the most important function of all: sending a warning mail when the roll needs to be changed.

South Park

[Anonymous Coward]

Store Clerk: "Hey little boy, didn't you buy this much toilet paper last week?"

Cartman: "Yeah."

Kyle: "Cartman, did you TP someone's house last week?"

Cartman: "No, last Thursday was fajitas night."

Kyle: "Dude..."

Classic comedy. TIMMAH!

Oh no...

[TopShelf]

This could be end of modern civilization as we know it. Combine this with one of those hard hats that hold a couple drinks above your head with tubes running down to your mouth, and you have no need for anything else. I picture this as how the Matrix will eventually be hooked up...

great...

[sirius_bbr]

So now the script-kiddies can also H4x0r my toilet.

Hehe

[Anonymous Coward]

Go Ahead, make your TCP Dump comments. We'll wait.

Man, that ain't a tarball.

Better flush the dirty buffer.

Dammit, it core dumped.

Lookie, it's korn. Looks just like it did when it began.

Re:Hehe

[vjl]

I'd hate to see the size of the logs that this thing produces!

/vjl/

Re:Hehe

[mookie-blaylock]

I was unwisely drinking coffee while reading the comments, knowing I'd see juvenile (yet totally funny) jokes. I was ready for every "dump" joke imaginable.

And then you blindsided me with this genius and made me reach for a screen cleaning wipe (heh, I said wipe) to remove the new anti-glare coating of a cup of folgers from my monitor.

Re:Hehe

[morcheeba]

Did you know that the toilet paper printer runs a low paperwidth/high pulp version of CUPS [cups.org] called CUP?

(go ahead, spell it out...)

Now that's funny.

[El Camino SS]

Lookie, it's korn. Looks just like it did when it began.


My thoughts exactly. Now that is funny.

At last a use for spam

[belroth]

I suspect I would derive a strange sense of satisfaction from printing out some spam and using it in the only fashion in which it is useful. Except for the waste of ink...

There's an old English slang word for printed rubbish 'bumf', short for 'bum fodder' indicating the recipients view of the best use for another memo/circular etc. Mayb it should make a comeback.

Re:At last a use for spam

[Kragg]

I've used the word for years, calling it 'bumph' though... and never knew that's what it was. I shall stop saying 'thanks for the bumph' when people give me stuff - it explains some looks...

Re:At last a use for spam

[Doctor Hu]

I've used the word for years, calling it 'bumph' though...

My dictionary gives both spellings. Same meaning. I have a feeling that it's WW2 military in origin.

Re:At last a use for spam

[belroth]

Seems quite likely, perhaps a trifle mild for mil slang though?

Re:At last a use for spam

[Guppy06]

"Except for the waste of ink..."

Solution: Thermal toilet paper.

Re:At last a use for spam

[Xenographic]

Meh, I'd rather print out the DMCA... :]

Actually

[lingqi]

Wasn't there a place that allowed you to print (full color, no less) stuff onto toilet paper?

Actually, a quick search turned up these guys [noveltp.com] who prints readable stuff (jokes, novels, etc) for you amongst other things [noveltp.com], and these guys [justtoiletpaper.com] that wouldprint pretty much anything. I saw this in Maxim [maxixonline.com] a few monthes back (actually might be a year or so); they had the one with Bin Laden's head (y'all remember, him, right?) printed.

Can you imagine if it was your ex-wife's face? send it to her at her wedding to let her know

Ink stains?

[phorm]

But do you really want to rub off a bunch fo fresh printing ink on your backside? I mean, I'm fairly sure that could leave some interesting coloured streaks that wouldn't be easy to explain.

In particular... I would be rather embarrased if I managed to rub off an ad for "hot Swedish nudes" on my buttocks.

This is just great...

[NetDanzr]

I can already see the long lines for the bathroom at work. Instead of playing Dopewars on their Palms, my co-workers will now procrastinate by reading the sports news in the bathroom...

Re:This is just great...

[deadsaijinx*]

just like they always have?

Just a designer's concept

[asmithmd1]

For a real useless internet embedded device check out my internet enabled Etch-A-Sketch [gadgeteer.org]. But seriously, how do these people plan to get coneected to the internet? If you want to use Ethernet to connect something to the internet the RCM 2200 [rabbitsemiconductor.com] is a great starting point

Ah, yes...

[rampant mac]

"The BBC are reporting that one of the items displayed at this years Ideal Home Show at Earls Court is an internet enabled toilet roll browser."

And for those users new to the internet, the home page defaults to goatse.cx, where beginners learn the first and most important lesson in bathroom etiquette... Proper wiping prevents spreading of the anus to what point one could fit a football inside sideways.

Re:Ah, yes...

[matttastic]

Compared to putting in a football.. er.. not sideways?

obligatory jokes etc.

[Old Wolf]

now we can cut out the middle man and feed CNN.com straight down the bowl!

obligatory jokes etc.

[Old Wolf]

seriously, enough with the crap jokes. back to the crapflooding.

aah i'm on a roll

Ok but do I REALLY want to do a....

[nlinecomputers]

trace route of THAT?

More on toilet paper technology

[arvindn]

This reminds me of an unforgettable saga involving Roger Penrose and toilet paper. Apparently, Penrose invented something called a nonrepeating tesselation. (Which I gather is some kind of pattern on a plane which can not be mapped to itself by shifting.) One fine day Penrose (claimed to have) found the pattern on a piece of toilet paper. What did he do? Why, sue the toilet paper company for copyright violation of course! You can read about it here [gwu.edu]. It absolutely cracked me up the first time I heard it.

Re:More on toilet paper technology

[matrix29]

This reminds me of an unforgettable saga involving Roger Penrose and toilet paper. Apparently, Penrose invented something called a nonrepeating tesselation. (Which I gather is some kind of pattern on a plane which can not be mapped to itself by shifting.) One fine day Penrose (claimed to have) found the pattern on a piece of toilet paper. What did he do? Why, sue the toilet paper company for copyright violation of course! You can read about it here [gwu.edu] [gwu.edu]. It absolutely cracked me up the first time I hea

Cool idea...sort of...

[Tyreth]

but is it even hygenic?

Re:Cool idea...sort of...

[anonymous loser]

Why, do you lick your browser window?

TCP Dump?

[Spunk]

Can you connect to it with an Apple? Then I'd say core dump is more appropriate.

I think they should market this in Germany [spies.com] where they might appreciate technical bathroom apparatus.

OH....

[webmaker]

man..what a shitty story... =) sorry couldn't stop myself.

I wonder..

[xintegerx]

if with the speed of getting NEW products out for sale, simple user accessibility things are thought about?

For instance, whether or not that cuttingboard can display pages up-side down?? The screen is on the left so many chefs can chop with their right hands with out obscuring the reading. That screen better support something so simple, so that left-handers can use it with the screen on the right. Otherwise, it's like discrimination.

As a left-hander, seeing the screen on the left just doesn't do anythi

Combining Inventions

[AndroidCat]

Combining all the inventions from the article (you did RTFA right?) You'd get an Internet toilet with a chopping block that rotates to follow the sun.

There's just something wrong with that!

Actually sounds like a kinda interesting idea

[Second_Derivative]

but then again, there's better stuff to use a bogroll printer for. DMCA toilet paper anyone? ;) Seriously, I'd buy that.

A5000?

[GQuon]

The last high-end Amigas that Commodore put out was the A4000 and the A4000T. For years we waited for the A5000, but all we got was this [slengpung.com] , this [king-s.com.tw] and this [aubuchonhardware.com] (handy for buffer overflows).

Old news

[Ececheira]

This is old news... The Onion had a story [theonion.com] about it over three years ago!

If they're using MySQL as a back end...

[GojiraDeMonstah]

... the admins could use the FLUSH-LOGS command [mysql.com].

tcpdump

[cperciva]

If you run tcpdump on one of these, what does it do in reaction to the Evil bit?

The big question is

[LM741N]

Does it dispense paper from the top or bottom of the roll. Or is it in a config file ".roll"?

Microsoft Toilet

[AndroidCat]

I can see it now. Complete with Clippy to give hints. "I see that you're trying to take a dump..."

Just never sit on Microsoft Toilet 1.0. Can you say Blue Flush of Death?

i wonder...

[siliconwafer]

The script kiddies would love this.

You enter an internet-enabled bathroom stall.

You take your dump, and reach for the toilet paper.

But there's none left!

Scrolling across the LCD ... "Hahaha, sucker! T01l3+ p4per m4n 0wnZ j00!"

The Onion reported this back in 1999

[CracktownHts]

With the article New Toilet to Revolutionize Online Shitting [theonion.com]

zx printer

[Graspee_Leemoor]

May I be the first to point out the similarity to the old ZX-Printer [madhippy.com] (for ZX81 and ZX-Spectrum) ?

We always thought it looked like a toilet roll dispenser. It had special silvery paper; the printer burned off the appropriate parts to reveal the black underneath. It was way cool- in its day. I still have one and half a roll of paper.

graspee

Health Concerns?

[ticklemeozmo]

Unless I missed that this item is voice activated (and that's possible), I apologize for the horrible imagerY.

What about health concerns of the less-than-sanitary fellow who failed to wipe properly and proceeded to touch the screen to get more toilet papeR?

There is less concern of public toilets now-a-days because you only touch the paper you usE (at least in America). I'm no health freak, but a touch screen in a toilet stall just SOUNDS like a breeding ground for bacteriA!

--------

Yeah, but...

[CybSirius]

This reminds me of a scene in an episode of Drew Carey where Larry complains about there being no couch in the men's room (he was caught napping on the one in the ladies room). Drew's response was, "If there was one in the men's room, would you use it?"

Quite honestly, I tried to avoid touch things in a public toilet as much as possible and these things scream infestation. Unless these things have cool screen savers, they're of no use to me.

TCP dumps

[TummyX]

What about core dumps?

New switch for tcpdump?

[DarwinDan]

sorry, couldn't resist...

toilet# tcpdump -fecalmatter
tcpdump: listening on fm0
12:09:45.431 10.0.0.1 > toilethost 00 FF FF 00 00 FF 00
12:11:12.154 ERR! fcs=0 badframe
tcpdump: cannot continue: constipation detected
toilet# reboot

it doesnt

[m1chael]

have a webcam on it does it you sick bastards.

Could cause problems in the office

[mikecouk]

I can see this causing problems in an office enviroment, imagine not being able to finish wiping your bum because Mr Jones in the next office cubicle printed out the final chapter of war and peace 15 minutes ago. I'd be gutted. Mike

Internet toilet

[mlush]

My wife thought I was mad when I put a ethernet socket in the toilet Ha harrrr vidicated

Does this mean...

[TWoodham]

I can crap all over Microsoft's stock reports?

Cmdr Taco Internet enabled Slashdot shit dispenser

[YellowSnow]

After the April the first five dupes/scoops of shite day, I thought the only way was up, how wrong I was. Taco dumps on us again, please flush! and now wash your hands.

How about...

[moonboy]

I would just like it if the dispenser would report to maintenance when it's empty so when I walk in to take a crap, all of the stalls aren't empty!

Schools need these.

[secondsun]

Put this in your typical MiT dorm and count the seconds down until someone gets it printing out porn... in the girls dorm... of the dean... 's daughter... (and this list goes on).

Is it my imagination or have the stories since april fools been better than the april fools stories themselves?

Re:Schools need these.

[JDWTopGuy]

Yeah, I was thinking that (as with most net stuff) the most common use would be pr0n, and the person on the toilet wouldn't actually be "dumping core". More like jettisoning unused (DNA) code.

But (butt?) really, who wants to get portscanned while sitting on the toilet? Eww.

Misleading headline

[Ctrl-Z]

When I read the headline Internet Enabled... Toilet Paper Dispenser, I thought that it was great that somebody decided to do something about the empty roll syndrome that plagues so many institutions. By Internet-enabling a toilet paper roll, these institutions could keep up-to-the-second tabs on the state of the rolls in their various restrooms.

But, no, it's just another marketing tool. Sigh.

the hard way

[whovian]

Oh, drat. I managed to plug up mine. Somehow, I get the feeling that the unjamming trick with the straightened paperclip just isn't going to cut it this time.

<cfdump> and <cfflush>

[use_compress]

Now that's the reason why <cfdump> and <cfflush> were included in the ColdFusion language.

Fav joke

[Tablizer]

Bill Gates, Andrew Grove from Intel and Jerry Sanders from AMD are having a conference.

Suddenly Bill Gates starts to talk to his watch... Grove and Sanders are surprised.

"Thats the new telephone feature from Microsoft at Work it comes with WindowsXP" describes Bill Gates.

Five minutes later Andy Groves interrupts the conference. "Sorry, it's a call" and starts to talk very silent. "That's the newest Intel-Product. A satellite-telephone in my tooth."

Just a few seconds later Bill lets out a loud fart: "Giv

java.util.zip.OutputStream

[gludington]

java.util.zip.OutputStream

A new, immediate use for Java

I wonder...

[Trolling4Dollars]

...if you can wipe away the "Evil bits" from the TCP/IP data stream... :)

MIT bathroom server is similar

[mike300zx]

It http://neurosis.mit.edu/foo/index.cgi?state=refres h&rand=879021865 has the screen where random people can type messages into a screen in the stall..could just as easily be stock updates and whatnot.

So...

[zorander]

Lets give everyone in the world one more reason to spent hour-long periods of time on the crapper.

Next thing you know, cube farms will be installing docking bays and telephones in the stalls so the cows can keep on workin.

Brian

Politicians

[Paul Johnson]

The obvious thing to do is have the browser contain shortcuts to pictures of a selection of politicians.

Then you can pick your least favourite one while waiting.

Paul.

I couldn't help it...

[pjt48108]

Where do YOU want to go today?

uhhh

[pimpinmonk]

imagine a buffer overflow attack on this thing? ewwwwww, gross!!!

Obligatory Related Story

[Anonymous Coward]

here [theonion.com]

No, this is actually useful

[Pettifogger]

This thing is brilliant. Just think, you will be able to browse pr0n in the bathroom, then print it out on the toilet paper, and when you're done, you can just flush everything! I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm eagerly awaitng the IPO on this one- this is going to be big.

My brother and I thought of this idea 4 yrs ago.

[Quarters]

We were going to call it "Pee-mail", though...

Great idea!

[Espressoman]

I wonder if they are going to come up with some kind of streaming or p2p solution...

And, can you get a version that prints on the paper before you use it? Something good to do with all the embedded "news" stories!

SQL Example

[Anonymous Coward]

SELECT stall FROM restroom WHERE seatdirty;
DROP seat;
DUMP LOGS;
SELECT wipe FROM tp_dispenser;
FLUSH BUFFER;
RELEASE_LOCK;
EXIT;

News and Advertising?

[Tokerat]

If I wanted to watch crap in the bathroom I'd look down.

internet cutting board

[will_die]

Cute idea, but worthless in its current form.
Since it is made out of glass, no cook who values thier knives is going to purchase it.
also it would have to be really cheap to make it more worthwhile then printing out the recipe and using that, besides with the printout I can move that around the kitchen.
So in the immortal words of Crow T Robot "Just because it is futuristic does make it practical."

Re:DDoS Attack from Rolls!

[KingRamsis]

you mean all your BALLS belong to us

Re:DDoS Attack from Rolls!

[AndroidCat]

Hopefully this toilet technology isn't Windows based. After all, Code Red, 'nuff said.

Before I take a TCP dump...

[Morky]

IP.

Re:Says something about my town

[AndroidCat]

It sounds like one of them is working on his tan. Wait, in Britain? Probably does field trips to Spain for research. Yeah, research, that's the ticket...

Re:Ah nuts...

[(54)T-Dub]

I hope none of them are girls. ;-)