Let's Settle This. Who Would Win?
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- By the end of 2026, how useful do you think agentic/multi-agent AI systems will actually be in your daily work or personal projects? Posted on March 11th, 2026 | 11261 votes
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- By the end of 2026, how useful do you think agentic/multi-agent AI systems will actually be in your daily work or personal projects? Posted on March 11th, 2026 | 40 comments
Robots (Score:5, Funny)
Robocop's Weakness (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Robocop's Weakness (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Robots (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Mojo Jojo (Score:3, Informative)
Re:Robots (Score:5, Funny)
he's a cyborg... he's got a human brain remember?
now... robocop with the brain of a ninja... he could kick some serious ass
Re:Robots (Score:3, Funny)
Probably all of it. (Roundhouse style, of course.)
There is a finite amount of ass, isn't there? Or can Chuck violate some Law of Conservation of Ass and find ways to kick more ass than actually exists? Would his roundhouse vortex just generate some sort of Reverse Black-Hole of Ass (hey - good band name) and generate more ass when he'd finished kicking it all?
Re:Robots (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Robots (Score:3, Interesting)
The pirate destroyers would die of heat exhaustion meaning that the pirates (used to the heat around the Caribbean and equator) could multiply again, REDUCING global warming. When global warming had suitably reduced the pirate destroyers would again swing into action, and the world would see-saw between the two states in a swinging equilibrium.
Don't people think these things through!?
Re:Robots (Score:5, Funny)
No. Robocop could slip on a banana peel. Monkeys win.
Monkeys will win! (Score:5, Informative)
But for a slightly different reason. What is likely to happen is:
First the pirates cause serious losses to the ninjas until their ammunition runs out. Then the remaining ninjas butcher the pirates with their 1337 close combat skillz! While this happens the robots do nothing because they op-tee-mize: at this point killing the remaining ninjas doesn't really drain their batteries at all.
Meanwhile the monkeys scratch their heads, wonder what's happening, eat bananas and breed. When the robots finally approach the monkeys, having calculated them to be a light snack, the simian forces start running around, making EEPish noises and hiding. Some monkeys escape the robots, eat bananas and breed. The robots eventually break down while monkeys remain!
Re:Monkeys will win! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Monkeys will win! (Score:5, Funny)
reference for those who don't understand. [redhat.com]
Monkees will win, obviously (Score:5, Funny)
Don't even get me started on Mickey Dolenz - that man is a psychopath.
Re:Monkees will win, obviously (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Monkeys will win! (Score:5, Insightful)
reference for those who don't understand. [redhat.com]
That explains everything, and yet, nothing.
Re:Monkeys will win! (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Monkeys will win! (Score:3, Informative)
Re:Robots (Score:5, Interesting)
Daleks (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Robots (Score:5, Funny)
Robots are NOT the real ULtimate POwer (Score:3, Funny)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Ultimate_Power [wikipedia.org]
Cheers, Ed Palma
Re:Pirate Monkey Robots (Score:3, Funny)
Chuck Norris... (Score:4, Funny)
Obviously ... (Score:5, Funny)
Cheers,
IT
Already answered (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Already answered (Score:3, Funny)
Which raises the question: one person not mentioned in this animation is CLINT EASTWOOD. Wouldn't he wipe the floor with everyone? The guy who was both The Man With No Name and Dirty Harry? Particularly if he was armed with a 357 Magnum and unlimited ammo? Hell, I don't even think MACE WINDU could take his ass out.
No, the ultimate showdown would be DIRTY HARRY vs. Bad Jedi Motherfucker MACE WINDU. They'd both double-team Mr. Rogers and then they'd take each other on in the pile of corpses bo
Re:Already answered (Score:3, Funny)
Charlie Parker, Inspector Gadget, Bruce Lee, The Kool-Aid Man, Brock Samson, Paul Erdos, Spider-man, Krakkagar, Ivy Valentine, Maxwell Smart, Locke Cole, Samus Aran, Muhammad Ali, Fletch, Leopold Bloom, Keyser Soze, Faust, Barbarella, Vyvyan Basterd, Charles Bronson, Oprah, Red Robot, Oscar Wilde, James Bond, Inigo Montoya, Mad Max, Genghis Khan, Chuck Jones, Kefka, Kurtz, Maximus Decimus Meridius, Strongbad, Prospero, Joan of Arc, The Iron Giant, Groucho Marx, M
Re:Obviously ... (Score:2)
Re:Chuck Norris... (Score:5, Funny)
cunning bastard (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:Chuck Norris... (Score:5, Funny)
Three Words (Score:2, Funny)
Breasts! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Breasts! (Score:4, Insightful)
The choices are actually:
- Robert A. Hamburger [realultimatepower.net] (fun user-created content of questionable quality)
- Pirates (professional content of dubious legality)
- Robots (auto-generated content from boring templates)
- Monkeys (Infinite random content)
Which form of entertainment wins?Ninjas (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Ninjas (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Ninjas (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Ninjas (Score:4, Insightful)
1. Ninjas have a reason for fighting, and it's generally more tied in with notions of honor (even if that notion is different than yours). So, the fact that they do have a code will stop them.
2. Monkeys don't have any motivation to take over anything. No motivation means no success, even if in the short term they can cause destruction and / or make a mess. And, perhaps eventually, recreate Shakespeare.
3. Robots, much like monkeys, do not have motive. This could be programmed, but the fact that current AI does not allow them to do anything than their original programming and the existence of entropy, robots will also eventually fall.
4. Pirates are only in it for the sake of feeding off the production of others, and they are willing to work for their plunder. They are the only ones with no delusions about what they are doing, and they are also not interested about taking over completely. In fact, because they are only interested in feeding off others, they will succeed because they are the only group that will not destroy its source of revenue.
(Disclaimer: This was not entirely an attempt to pose a serious analysis.)
need clarification (Score:5, Funny)
Clarification: (Score:5, Insightful)
Pirates - Warez guys (gazillions and no DRM ever stops them)
Robots - Marketroids (just don't "get it")
Monkeys - Low wage coders (to hysterical and obsessed)
Pirates win..
Re:need clarification (Score:5, Funny)
How appropriate, (Score:3, Funny)
An infinite number! (Score:3, Funny)
The Internet is proof they'd win.
Re:An infinite number! (Score:3, Informative)
You mean The slashdot is the proof.
Re:need clarification (Score:5, Funny)
What, no zombies? (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:What, no zombies? (Score:2)
I see why zombies are disgusting and terrifying, but they don't seem like very effective foes.
Re:What, no zombies? (Score:2)
Missing Option (Score:2)
Robots, because... (Score:4, Funny)
Or maybe I think about this sort of thing too much...
No match for... (Score:2, Funny)
But they would be no match for...
Ninja Hackers!
or Hacker Ninjas. I haven't figured out which.
Or... ok, ok, how about:
Giant Prehistoric Sabre-toothed Barbie!
(Or maybe I need sleep.)
Re:Robots, because... (Score:2)
The only way robots would have a chance is if they teamed up with, say, the monkeys (who are otherwise doomed) in defense of their planet, dying king or (at a push) habitat.
WHAT?!?! (Score:2)
Robots allll the way (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:2)
The most annoying thing to me in I, Robot was what the hell was holding the cables out on that partially collapsed suspension bridge. I mean, without the other tower and anchorages to tether the cables, would they not just fall to the side of the remaining tower?
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Funny)
In gravity?
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Insightful)
I strongly feel that in order to truly enjoy a movie, you have to suspend belief.
In gravity?
In gravy.
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Insightful)
And as supporting evidence for the speed, have you ever seen industrial robots move? They can precision manufacture vehicles, identical to the size of the spot welds, moving parts around as if they weigh nothing at all.
For that matter, why are robots always the bad guys? The only robots who are good guys, are the ones who "become human", in essense.
Matrix Good Guys (Score:5, Insightful)
I'm not convinced the machines in the matrix were intended to be "bad guys." Although we certainly saw them as that in the first movie, that's because we were only getting one side of the story. We were seeing the war through the humans ' eyes and you always tend to demonize your enemy. In Reloaded and Revolutions, they certainly tried hard to show that some of the programs were siding with the humans. In the end, the Architect seemed perfectly willing to enter a peace, he just was skeptic that humans would allow it to last, and not try to take over again.
Enslaving sapient beings and breeding them to be killed for power doesn't make you a good guy.Well, it was a desperation move. Humans are the ones who scorched the skies, remember? They'd either accept that or die, or found alternate sources. Forgetting the feasibility of actually using humans as batteries (pretty ridiculous idea), it does take care of two problems simultaneously. It gives them the power they need to survive, and it stops humans from doing something else just as drastic to kill their alternate power source.
That said, the machines didn't kill humans for power. They kept them alive, and even tried to keep them "happy." The first matrix was a paradise, but people saw right through that. The matrix we saw in the movies wasn't a bad place to be in either. In fact, some people preferred to live there than in the real world, which humans themselves destroyed. Cypher betrayed the other humans in exchange for the promise to be returned to the matrix. Therefore, at the end of Revolutions, the Architect agreed to let those that chose to leave back into the real world, and didn't seem particularly concerned that they would suddenly see a power crisis, as he knew that many, perhaps even most, would choose to stay. I know I would...the real world was a pretty bad place.
Even this view wasn't unilaterily seen as a good thing by the machines / programs. Although some hated humans (like Smith), others were sympathetic (like the Oracle), and wanted the humans to at least know the truth and be able to make a choice, as well as a chance for peace.
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Funny)
That research was quite obviously funded by the monkey industry. Can't you find any intelligent, non-biased researchers to link to? In addition, the aforelinked "aquatic monkey" could well be simply standing in a small pond or shallow pool. Further research is clearly needed, but the applicants will need for the next research expedition will need to be carefully screened to ensure a lac
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Insightful)
Reaction time is meaningless if they don't know how to react. A Segway balancing is a very narrowly defined action. Avoiding being hit by something involves identifying that something (motion detection, object disambiguation, figuring out whether that motion is an attack, etc), and deciding in which direction to move. There's no reason to assume that these calculations would be anywhere near as quick as a Segway figuring out which direction it's tilting and moving in the appropriate direction.
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:5, Insightful)
However, the question doesn't ask that. The question is about nerds arguing about stupid things, and to this extent, you must remember: It doesn't give a time period, and I'm pretty sure most ninja's, pirates, and even monkeys could tear the shit out even a highly advanced robot like Stanley [stanfordracing.org] or Asimo [honda.com]. Then you must remember that, in the land of geek imaginations, [rmhm, slashdot] ninjas can dodge bullets, or deflect them, or cut them in half with their swords in mid-air. Or maybe they're just bullet-proof. OK, I'm not too clear on the details, (and I'm sure some other nerd will fill me in), but Ninjas can't be hurt by bullets, and bullets can move way over the speed of sound, so who cares if a robot is fast? Besides, ninjas can just totally flip out and kill people. [realultimatepower.net]
Then Pirates also totally kick ass. Maddox [xmission.com] is a pirate and he can kick anybody's ass, so Pirates stand a good chance.
At first glance, Monkeys appear to be the laggard category, but upon further examination, I think they actually stand the best chance, today. They'll win the same way that Grant won the Civil War: regardless of your troops' effectiveness, if you have a lot more troops, just keep sending them in until the enemy is gone.
In the world, the approximate number of:
1. Real, practicing Ninjas, not movie actors or kiddie wanna-be's, is: 0
2. Pirates is: 17 [venganza.org]
3. Robots that can actually fight intelligently on their own, and aren't, for example, programmed to avoid hurting anyone at all costs, is: 0
4. Monkeys is: Millions
OK, pirates are cool, and they have swords and cannons (OK, the modern ones [about.com] off the coast of Somalia have machine guns). But still, 17 versus millions? MILLIONS!? Despite horrendous fatalities on the Monkey side (I'm sure Greenpeace won't be sponsoring this match-up,) eventually the pirates will be overwhelmed by barrels upon barrels of Monkeys [gamesbyjames.com].
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:5, Interesting)
Ninjas: 1
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/w
should be enough to wipe out millions of primates. And 17 pirates.
But eventually... (Score:3, Informative)
Mmmmm.... monkey corpses...
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:5, Insightful)
Ninjas by there very nature cannot be counted, for in order to count them, you must first be aware of their existance, and because of the afore mentioned nature, in order for a ninja to be a ninja, you cannot be aware of his presence. There fore, any non zero ninja count is inaccurat, and conversly, and ninja count of zero, is proof of there existance, (Because if you don't know of their existance, then they are a ninja.)
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Funny)
Not Against a True Ninja (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Interesting)
In the Old Testament, Yahweh wipes out Babylon, and scatters the race of ment to the corners of the earth (which makes sense, the mythologies of Aztecs, Mayas, Incas, Egypt, early China, Indus (IndoChina?) areas ALL concur, all have a knowledge giving serpent race, a main God race who are all human but FAR more powerful, and overall similar tinges in history. Anyone wonder if this God race might not be the real ET's? By the dracon
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:4, Interesting)
Strangely enough, in the next chapter, they not only LOSE, they are CRUSHED by the defenders.
Nevermind that there are MANY genocides of infants and people we would normally deem innocent, in the bible, all commanded by the Lord.
Start reading Genesis, do a bit of Isaiah.
For an all powerful and all knowing being, there are accounts where he seems to lack these abilities. Cain and Abel (he takes awhile to "hear the blood of Abel calling from the earth", Adam and Eve "he can't find adam and eve, and has to deduce that they ate the fruit").
The buddhists don't believe in DYING to reach Nirvana. They believe in jumping off the mortal plane completely, they hold some of the monks to reach enlightenment have focused so intently on it that they vanished (whether this is true or not, I leave equally to you as I do veryfying whether Yoshoua THE son of God, or a son of God, or whether he died, or rose or both, or what, that is a subject for your faith).
You may recall that in some non western languages, spirit and void
Also, if you want to get a kick, ask yourself why the christians weren't a state religion until Constantine needed a new religion to reunite his subjects willingly under his banner (and yet he turned on his death bed, and not a day before), and the council of Laodicea (who cut several books that are referenced by the books they left in, I guess those books they cut were "false" but they were true enough to warrant allowing material based on them to stay in the church canon).
After that, it was the christians that were murdering people in the name of the emperor, but it wasn't the "god" emperor, now it was the HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR. And suddenly we have the pope, who is the new God Emperor figure of the church. I mean I've seen power posturing before, but this is downright OBVIOUS and bluntly put... And of course, the church hates gays, and judges lots of people who don't fit their views and dogma, but until people made a fuss about priests butt raping little boys, the Pope, emissary of God, allseeing priest of the only God, couldn't so much as put a stop to it? Man, some voice of God he is. Guess God's fine with buttraping little boys when priests do it... Guess a gay priest (or just a sick bastard of a priest) molestating a child is okay, but non priest gays are evil.
You know, every time I run into self righteous religious figures who can do no wrong, I feel like quitting the world and going looking for Nirvana.
Then again, the church has been correct on SO many occasions. First the Earth Was Flat. Then it was the Center of the Universe and each Planet Was Encased In Glass Globes, and at long last, The Sun Revolves Around the Earth.
As Galileo said on his dying breath "E Pur Si Move"(or variations, that's the most phonetic one). AND HE WAS RIGHT...
Perhaps dogma should be analyzed, I don't deny God, Christ, Buddha or any of it. W
Re:Robots allll the way (Score:3, Insightful)
Enough monkeys to continue the species (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Enough monkeys to continue the species (Score:3, Funny)
The Gender Bender vs Destructor (Score:2, Insightful)
Destructor: "I am destructor. I will destruct you!!!"
The Rowbit will win.
Lots of variables (Score:5, Insightful)
Pirates aren't necessarily great fighters, are probably malnutritioned, and their usual weapons are way outdated. No chance against well-trained ninjas.
The mystery factor here is the robots. Are we talking current robots? Because right now, I don't think any robot is capable of taking on me with a baseball bat, much less a ninja. However, robots have the potential to be the winners hands-down. If we're talking Terminator-type bots, they totally win.
I think it's cheating to say we get to use the robots of the future, though. After all, the pirates of today have machine guns.
I think I was about to make a point, but I am very sleepy now.
Monkeys!!!!! (Score:2)
Re:Monkeys!!!!! (Score:2)
Ninjas All (Score:2, Informative)
Pirates? If Captain Hook can get his ass handed to him by a little boy in green tights, well, that's not exactly the most credible icon.
The monkeys have the ultimate poo flinging capability, but also will pass out when they smell their own farts.
I'm going to have to go with Ninjas FTW.
Re:Ninjas All (Score:2)
How many? (Score:3, Insightful)
Robots never win... they'd rust, if nothing else.
As for monkeys, they'd at least need wings to give them a chance, but even then without some kind of super-intelligent monkey king they're in big trouble against pirate cunning.
Pirates (Score:3, Funny)
Non-monkeys (Score:2)
I would also include a certain librarian, but I like my bits attached.
Chuck Norris would win. (Score:4, Funny)
Dr McNinja gives the answer (Score:5, Informative)
Little-known fact: (Score:5, Interesting)
Robots? Bah. A simple paradox will take them out. If they have paradox-absorbing crumple zones, then push them into the water of a frozen lake.
And monkeys? Oh, sure, they can fling poo and be coaxed into doing hilarious hijinks for our amusement, but in a fight, they are no match for the pirate.
And not the wussy Pirates of the Carribean pirates, or the pirates in Peter Pan. Those aren't real pirates. Real pirates that will fire cannonballs at you and slit your mother's throat for a dime.
Pirates win. Anyone that disagrees is wrong.
Missing Option! (Score:4, Funny)
Oh, wait a minute. They've got monkeys. My mistake.
rule pirates! (Score:5, Informative)
Even robots or inland ninja/monkey settlements wouldn't be proof against the pirate threat, however. Our friends the pirates, absent a rival sea power, could quickly gain command of the sea lanes, intercepting supply shipments to their robot/monkey/ninja enemies at their leisure. With their logistical "tail" thus severed, *any* pirate opponent would eventually find themselves starved, out of ammo, or lacking the spare parts they need to stay in the fight.
Of course, monkeys *might* be able to live off the land for quite a while. But they certainly would lose access to effective anti-pirate weaponry.
It has always been sea power that shaped the course of history - even today. Rule, Pirates! Pirates, rule the waves! Pirates shall never never never be slaves.
ninjas robots monkeys
Important Questions to Ask (Score:3, Interesting)
1) Are the Pirates at port or at sea?
2) Are the Pirates modern day Pirates (with speedboats and machine guns)?
3) Are the Ninjas "movie" Ninjas (with mind control powers, the ability to jump 100's of meters in the air, etc) or real [slashdot.org] Ninjas?
4) What percentage of the pirate's body parts are peg-legs and hooks?
5) Do the Ninjas get to use explosives (for sinking the Pirate ship)?
Also, the correct answer is Pirates.
I voted for Monkeys (Score:4, Informative)
ATF rids Univ. of ninja threat [redandblack.com]
Re:I voted for Monkeys (Score:4, Insightful)
The real question is: How many 5 year-olds.... (Score:5, Funny)
How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once? [twoplustwo.com]
Some of the numbers should be relevant to this topic (Who Would Win?). Mainly tactics vs. numbers.
Ninjas are most likely the smartest killers, but the monkeys got numbers on their side.
BTW. I voted Ninja
Nerds _are_ Pirates (Score:3, Interesting)
They won't pay for anything they can get for free or make themselves (sourceforge) with hard learned tradeskills your average landlubber would sell his granny to be able to do.
They're up for an adventure and will only even think about doing something that wasn't on their list of things to do today unless you give them large amounts of gold.
They exist in a world of their own on the ocean (the net), don't give three hoots if they're a bit grubby, and you'd better damn well not get in their way or they'll club to together and chew you to shreds (slashdot effect).
Pirates exist, they're us!
Cowboys (Score:5, Insightful)
Which Robot? (Score:5, Funny)
Robots win (Score:3, Insightful)
1. Mass communication. If a ninja destroys even one robot, the others realize at the speed of light that a connection has been severed and can fire laser, pointed in every direction at once, exactly where and around where the other robot was disconnected from. They don't even need to see the ninja. Pirates, on the other hand deal in stolen software. Everyone knows that robots rule the digital domain and could easily track the pirates through the stolen software and just about instantly inform the entire mass of robots where to fly too, shooting multi-directional lasers. Plus ships don't float so well when a 30 ton metal robot falls out of the sky and right through the deck.
2. Mass Manufacturing. No matter how much monkeys try, they can't reproduce faster than the robots. Robots would roll right over them, in a constant stream of 30-ton, fire belching, flying tanks shooting lasers in every direction.
Since the only thing that would perminently stop the robots is some kind of virus, we know robot win because ninja's can't type without revealing themselves, monkeys require atleast some amount of time to randomly punch up the virus, and pirates... well, pirates can't stop stealing software long enough to write it. Game Over.
His Favored Warriors (Score:5, Funny)
ZOMBIES!!!! (Score:3, Insightful)
Monkeys are used as the throwaway here... (Score:4, Insightful)
In the (very old) movie "Every Which Way But Loose", Clint Eastwood tells his pet orangutan, "Clyde, scrap the Caddy." And Clyde starts tearing the doors off like they're made of tissue paper. They can really do that.
Ninjas, being low on ranged weapons, would have a hard time with them. It would take a lot of shuriken to take out an angry monkey of any size, and a big one would be essentially impervious in the timeframe of a normal fight. Assuming that ninjas are just highly-trained humans with swords... they'd get about one chop as the monkey closed. The monkey would probably be mortally wounded, but unless the cut was instantly disabling, he'd probably rip the ninja to pieces (literally... tear his limbs off) and THEN die. And monkeys and apes, gorillas in particular, can take enormous wounds and survive; they have excellent immune systems and heal quite well. So it might even live.
A pirate with a cutlass would fare no better, but pirates tended to have firearms. Engaging at range with a pistol would probably have a fairly good success rate... again, with the caveat that if the monkey took awhile to die, he could easily turn the pirate to mush before expiring.
If an angry monkey or ape gets its hands on you, you're dead. In case you toy regularly with simians... stay out of reach.
Lest we forget... (Score:3, Funny)
Speaking of brains and feasting...we're leaving out one all-encompassing caste of mythical fighting machine; Zombies.
"That's stupid - we're trying to have a realistic debate and you throw in zombies? You're stupid. Quit being stupid." Am I?
Zombies would surely win the epic battle between pirates, ninjas, robots, and monkeys. Why? Because Monkeys are so closely related to humans you have to assume the 'zombie bug' is transferrable cross-species. See 28 days later. It could happen. So with each "yar" deathcry a new peg-legged swantoon of a zombie is born. With each black-shrowded ninja fatality an undead assassin rises. Robots would be screwed.
Unless we're talking Mecha-Norris. But there's gotta be a Zombie Chuck Norris to counter that. He could tear off his own leg and throw a round-house kick at you from 50 yards.
I for one welcome our new cyber-undead overlords!
Not true.... (Score:3, Funny)
Robots very much exist (Roomba, industrial robots, AIBO, hell, they even have robot mowers, robots armed with fierce grass cutting blades).
Ninjas probably exist, you just never see them. Hence, they are successful ninjas.