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10th Annual Wacky Warning Labels Out 445

autophile writes "It's official: M-Law's 10th Annual Wacky Warning Label Contest is over. First prize has gone to a washing machine label urging not to put people in washers. Started to promote awareness of excessive litigation, the contest highlights common sense warning labels, such as the one that warns not to dry cellphones in microwave ovens. Companies find it necessary to stick crazy warnings on their products because of previous insane lawsuits: 'A front loader (washing machine) is just at the right height — speaking now as a mother and not a corporate spokeswoman — for a four-year-old,' said Patti Andresen Shew of Alliance Laundry Systems. Personally, I think a four-year-old precocious enough to read and understand all the warning labels hidden all over a product probably doesn't need those labels."
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10th Annual Wacky Warning Labels Out

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  • by packeteer ( 566398 ) <packeteer@NOSPaM.subdimension.com> on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:33PM (#17488404)
    The labels are pretty rediculous but they are for the parents not the kids. Nobody thinks a 4 year old is going to read the labels and to make it sounds like thats what the company thinks is going to happen is silly. You don't need to be deceptive to make your point that the label to not put people in the washer is silly.
    • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:38PM (#17488458)
      Oblig. bash.org quote:
      <xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by zakezuke ( 229119 )
        I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

        Because the product would be recalled due to absence of a warning label saying "warning: this product has no warning labels".

      • Re:bash.org says: (Score:5, Interesting)

        by waveclaw ( 43274 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @02:58PM (#17489738) Homepage Journal
        FTA:
        a warning he found on the cover of his local Yellow Pages book which cautions users: "Please do not use this directory while operationg [sic] a moving vehicle."


        I'm sorry. When I'm driving a car, I am driving a car. Much like any technology that can kill people (e.g. chainsaws) you really should be multitasking only two things: do your job and don't kill people (unless it's a gun, which is meant to kill people anyway.)

        When driving a car I am not:
        1. Drinking Booze like I'm at a frat party
        2. Taking a nap like I'm in bed at home
        3. Having a four-course lunch as if I'm at a restaurant
        4. Yacking on my cellphone like I'm at the salon getting my hair done
        5. Reading the bleeding Yellow-pages to call someone on my cellphone


        No. You are not good enough of a driver to do these either. If you are, why aren't you a professional race-car driver? (And many pro race-car drivers will tell you not to do these things either.) If you want to eat, drink, yack and read take the bus or a train that serves breakfast. Voice mail exists so you don't have to carry on a 5-way conference call while swerving down Interstate 40 on your way to hell.

        (This rant has been brought to you by the letters G, E, T, A and the word 'clue.')

        I suspect this is not people being clueless, though. It's people willing playing a deadly game to 'be productive' and make up for playing WoW / serfing pr0n at 4am.

      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        by fuzzix ( 700457 )

        Oblig. bash.org quote:
        The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

        Like much of bash.org that's actually a Bill Hicks quote.

        As for the article... The warning "Do not iron" on the lottery ticket is pretty funny as my mother did just that to a winning ticket a couple of weeks ago. My brother won some money and she said she'd cash it in for him - h

    • by thewils ( 463314 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:21PM (#17488864) Journal
      The labels are pretty rediculous but they are for the parents


      Well, actually the labels are there for the manufacturers. They don't give a crap what you do with their product, if there's a warning label then your chances of successfully suing them are minimal.
      • by Harmonious Botch ( 921977 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:56PM (#17489188) Homepage Journal
        Parent has a good point.

        The most extreme example I've seen is a box of Q-tips. So far, most of the labels menioned have been to prevent stupid use of a product. In this case, the manufacturer puts on a label to allegedly prevent the intended use.
        Everybody knows what Q-tips are used for: to clean the ear canal. They were designed for that. Yet the box currently has a warning in bold block letters: DO NOT USE SWAB IN EAR CANAL. The label also lists - with pictures! - all the things that their lawers think they should be used for: removing makeup, cleaning your keyboard, etc.
        This is all done just to protect themselves from lawsuits.
        • by MrHanky ( 141717 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @02:07PM (#17489296) Homepage Journal
          Well, you shouldn't use a Q-tip to clean your ear. It shoves the earwax further in, and does far more damage than good. No doctor would ever recommend Q-tips for ear cleaning. Yes, it's probably the originally intended use, but good intentions don't always give good results. Q-tips are still kind of neat for other uses, though.
        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by chameleon3 ( 801105 )
          most extreme example I've encountered is lighter fluid that has WARNING: FLAMMABLE written all over it. Well, it BETTER be flammable, right?
      • by adrianmonk ( 890071 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @06:19PM (#17491708)
        Well, actually the labels are there for the manufacturers. They don't give a crap what you do with their product, if there's a warning label then your chances of successfully suing them are minimal.

        Yes, I think that much is clear. The point that the contest is trying to make is that your chances of successfully suing them should already be minimal without the labels. They are trying to remind people of that by showing the existence of some really stupid warning labels, thus showing the absurdity and brokenness of a justice system that makes the labels necessary.

        On a side note, I happen to partially disagree with them that the existence of these warning labels proves our justice system is broken (at least in this particular way). It's all about the level of risk vs. the cost of eliminating the risk. If I owned a home in an area that was well above the nearest body of water (or creek, river, etc.) and thus had very low chances of flooding, and if a reputable insurance company offered me a legit flood insurance policy good for 50 years for a one-time premium of $1, I would probably buy that insurance. Any kind of flood damage is pretty unlikely, but I won't miss the $1, and if something did happen, I'd be covered.

        In the same way, if you're a lawyer for a manufacturer and there is any kind of warning label you could put on the product that describes a real event that could happen, even if it requires the user of the product to be dumb as dirt for it to happen, and even if it requires the judge and jury to act in a ridiculous manner for the lawsuit to succeed, the fact is, you don't know that those two things won't coincide and bite you in the butt. They probably won't, but given that it costs you very little to prevent it, and given that you could lose millions of dollars if it does happen (say, in a wrongful death lawsuit), why not do it?

        So, the fact is that warning labels are cheap insurance. It's almost always a good idea to opt for cheap insurance, where that means insurnce that actually costs significantly less than it "should" if the cost were based on doing the math. But cheap insurance can be made cheaper in two ways: either hold the cost as a constant and increase the risk being insured against, or hold the risk constant and reduce the cost. So how do we know that these stupid warning labels really indicate anything about the justice system and its tolerance of frivolous lawsuits? Isn't it also possible that all they indicate is that with modern manufacturing techniques, it's really, really cheap to put warning labels on things?

      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        by dbIII ( 701233 )
        Not necessarily. A shallow waterhole next to a walking track in an Australian National Park had the sign "no swimming" mainly to stop idiots diving in without checking the depth and breaking their necks. On idiot dove in, broke his neck, and successfully sued the government on the grounds that the sign did not say "no diving" and on the grounds the sign showed awareness of danger but the danger was inadequately managed.
    • by IdleTime ( 561841 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:47PM (#17489098) Journal
      These warning labels are a social curiosity found in USA.

      When I first moved here I was totally cracking up at all the stupid warnings you have on everything. Why are they there? Because of a horrible justice system and not because you want to warn people about the obvious but to avoid paying millions and millions to idiots.

      Your justice system is long overdue for a total overhaul, it is horrific at best.
    • by duguk ( 589689 )
      I'm going to regret posting this to slashdot as its hosted at home so i'm posting it through the corel cdn, but i noticed this on a Pineapple:

      Suitable for vegetarians

      Is this seriously necessary!?

      DugUK
      • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

        by legirons ( 809082 )
        but i noticed this on a Pineapple: "Suitable for vegetarians"

        In Tesco supermarkets in the UK, the red peppers have a label "as seen on TV"
    • The labels are pretty ridiculous but they are for the parents not the kids.

      Not so ridiculous as you might think:

      The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has received reports of numerous suffocation deaths involving children who crawled inside latch type freezers, clothes dryers, combination washer/dryer units, picnic coolers, iceboxes in campers, and old-style latch type refrigerators. Most of the victims were 4 to 7 years old. In all cases, the doors could not be easily pushed open from the i

  • Although a few libertarian Slashdotters seem to want Social Darwinism.
    • Anyone who needs a warning label to tell them not to go into a washing machine and turn it on deserves to be removed from the gene pool for gross stupidity. People need to learn common sense and they'll be able to deal with life better than if they rely on warning labels all the time.

      "Jeez, Cletus, look at this here warning label - 'do not iron clothes whilst being worn'. Just as well that was there or I'd have gone done that..."

      • I'm talking mostly about the litigation, which is the fake "problem" this and the fucking stupid Stella Awards are trying to "solve". Now there are problems with the court system but the problems which cause the Stella Awards cases are much less important than the fact that the actual problems with McDonalds coffee which have caused third-degree burns to the people who tried to drink them are all shuffled away with out-of-court settlements.

        Why do we only hear about the cases stupidly decided in favor of
        • Bravo! While I personally fear that someone is going to trip on the stairs in my house and sue me -- it happens, some people are jerks -- I'm not blind to the fact that corporate interests have a vested interest in demonizing personal injury attorneys. What are the potential avenues for justice when a large, powerful, and well-funded entity (corporation, government, or whatever) actually injures you in some way?

          1. The NRA claims that just having a handgun in your house is going to protect you. But, try a
  • Slashdot... (Score:3, Funny)

    by SeanMac ( 648938 ) <seanmacncheese&gmail,com> on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:38PM (#17488456) Homepage
    Slashdot: Remove Intellect Before Posting
  • by JanneM ( 7445 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:39PM (#17488462) Homepage
    My first bike (a ten year old Honda CM400T) had the warning, prominently placed on the tank, not to engage the steering lock while you're riding it.

    The steering lock itself was located to the left and below the trunk bundle of wires going to the front panel and instrumentation, and needed the key that presumably is in the ignition (or you would not be driving it) or the backup key. Fair enough.

    But the steering lock would only engage when the front wheel was engaged fully in one direction or the other. Which was a seriously tight turning radius. If you are able to actually keep your balance and keep the bike moving while gong full tilt to the right, and at the same time find and push-twist the key sitting under a bundle of cables below your line of sight and to the left then you do not need a warning label - you need a contract to perform at a motor circus, as you have just found your true calling.

    • My old Honda CD200 had a warning label beside the ignition unit warning you not to remove the spark plug leads with the engine running.
    • by Potor ( 658520 ) <farker1 @ g m ail.com> on Saturday January 06, 2007 @02:22PM (#17489416) Journal
      I once had a toy gun made in China with the warning: Do Not Aim at the People. I always loved that one.
      • by geobeck ( 924637 )

        I once had a toy gun made in China with the warning: Do Not Aim at the People.

        Hmm... I wonder if they mean the people in general or The People who run The People's Republic. Could be an anti-subversive label.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Nethead ( 1563 )
      Damn! I hate to admit this but I did just that on a CM400T (I miss that bike.) I got on my bike and got into a long chat with my friend, started up the bike, eased out the clutch and went right down. I think he's still laughing. Really, this happened to me. The label was looking me right in the face as I pulled the bike back up.
  • Knowledge is Power (Score:5, Insightful)

    by El Torico ( 732160 ) * on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:41PM (#17488478)
    stupid people + clever lawyers = trouble

    Should there be warning labels? Of course.
    Should there be warning labels as a replacement for a basic level of education? Of course not.
  • Many crowbars today are printed with the warning label: "Do not use to pry."

  • My current sig line came from one of these I read a couple of years ago. It was a label for a holiday light set.

    I also wanted to submit one I saw on an Arm & Hammer box of cat litter that said: "This product safe for use around animals". One would hope so!
  • I follow the rules and I still dont win, wtf?
    • Re: (Score:2, Informative)

      by TheQwe ( 795209 )
      It looks like to me that the lottery ticket is printed on thermal transfer paper- in which case ironing it would turn the side with the number on it completely black. That one makes the most sense to me- I could almost see someone trying to iron out a crumpled ticket.
  • by gravesb ( 967413 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:48PM (#17488552) Homepage
    The law generally is that the company must warn against unintended uses that a reasonable person would forsee. The problem is the reasonable person standard is determined by a jury. If juries would stop awarding such verdicts, then lawyers would stop suing. As long as juries continue to say a reasonable person would forsee someone putting a wet cell phone in a microwave, lawyers will continue to file suit. Talking to one juror about a malpractice case, they said they really didn't see that the doctor was negligent, but the plaintiff was suffering, the insurance was the only one who was going to pay, the insurance company had money, so why not give the plaintiff $400,000? The thing they didn't see (other than their conduct being against the law) was that everyone pays increased medical costs to cover the increase in malpractice insurance that the doctor must pay. If jurors were more responsible and more intelligent as to the consequences of their actions, the legal culture would have to change. Don't expect the lawyers to change the system, they have too much of a vested interest, and they are legally bound to look after their client's best interests within the law. People need to change the system.
  • by richg74 ( 650636 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @12:53PM (#17488610) Homepage
    Personally, I think a four-year-old precocious enough to read and understand all the warning labels hidden all over a product probably doesn't need those labels.

    About twenty years ago, I bought an electric pencil sharpener for my office. It came with a set of safety warnings, prominently including "Do not attempt to sharpen ball-point pens." My thought at the time was that someone stupid enough to do that most likely had a problem that wasn't going to be solved by reading warning labels.

    • ...My thought at the time was that someone stupid enough to do that most likely had a problem that wasn't going to be solved by reading warning labels.
      The warning isn't put there to solve the problem... they're there to absolve the producer from responsibility for stupid people.
      • by dosius ( 230542 )
        Then perhaps we need a sanity test: if people of average intelligence would know not to do X, Y does X and then sues Z, Y should instantly be required to pay up twice the amount sued for, plus a fine to the court for wasting their time.

        -uso.
    • As a child, that warning label only perked my interest on putting pens and various other non-pencils into the electric pencil sharpener.
  • by Alioth ( 221270 ) <no@spam> on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:06PM (#17488732) Journal
    Before you think how these warning labels - such as "Do not use iron on clothes you are wearing", a couple of years ago, a Slashdotter admitted to have burned himself while ironing the shirt he was wearing.

    My favorite warning label is on a set of fairy lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
  • Yes, that is a rehtorical question because if you read /. you know why.

    The real question is, how would an average person know? Most look like they are made of plastic which is of course microwave safe. If you've immersed your phone, drying it out with heat can fix it. (I know, I baked a friend phone in my oven at 150 degrees to bring it back to life.)

    So no, I don't think we need labels, there are so many they aren't read anyhow.

    How can we make it obvious that this is a bad idea? Or better yet, how can we make it possible that no damage will occur to either device then this happens?

    This is one of the challenges that engineers face. How do you make your products work well, be bulletproof, be easy to use, do what the customer needs doing, and yet not cost a fortune.

    • by vadim_t ( 324782 )
      AFAIK, it's not really possible, as the oven will induce currents in the circuitry and fry it. Like what happens when you put something metallic inside.
      • Of course it isn't possible. That isn't the point.

        How do we make my Mom for example, know that that this isn't safe?

        A label won't cut it.

        • by vadim_t ( 324782 )
          We probably don't. Seriously.

          If you brought in somebody from the middle ages into modern society, they probably wouldn't know things like that touching bare wires, or rapidly spinning things inside a running car is a seriously bad idea. But we don't have a warning on every outlet, do we?

          While stuff like that is new, it's a bit confusing. But these days everybody knows that sticking a fork into an outlet is a seriously bad idea. Same thing with cell phones, it's not exactly obvious, but it will soon become c
    • Yes, that is a rehtorical question because if you read /. you know why.
      I've learned many things on slashdot. That is not one of them.

      The real question is, how would an average person know? Most look like they are made of plastic which is of course microwave safe.
      If the average person doesn't know that pretty much every electronic device contains metals, then he's even dumber than I thought.

      How can we make it obvious that this is a bad idea? Or better yet, how can we make it possible that no damage will occ
      • If the average person doesn't know that pretty much every electronic device contains metals, then he's even dumber than I thought.
        A microwave oven is the only method of heating things that you can't put metals in. Not everybody studies the internals of every system they use and they might not know that metals reflect microwaves.
  • by hugg ( 22953 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:12PM (#17488770)
    • Now I want to dig through my boxes for some old 5.25" floppies and play ring toss. Wait a minute... I know I had an 8" floppy somewhere.
  • by DavidV ( 167283 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:12PM (#17488774)
    An under-evolved hairless ape recently put an infant in the clothes dryer in Sydney because he thought it would be fun for the child. It may have been for the few seconds before the 3rd degree burns started developing. This kind of cretin is the reason for this kind of warning.
  • by adenied ( 120700 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:22PM (#17488878)
    The do not iron warning on the lottery ticket makes a lot of sense. How many people (outside of computer geeks) really know that most lottery tickets are printed on thermal paper? Get that warm and all of a sudden you have a black ticket that's pretty much ruined. Combine that with the fact that some people like to iron their crumpled up money and I can totally see how some people might need this warning.
  • First prize has gone to a washing machine label urging not to put people in washers.

    Seriously, they need a label not to put babies into a microwave oven. There were several reports last year of babies dying from mysterious internal burns because their mothers put them in the microwave on high. I don't think the mothers mistaken their baby for a coffee cup.
  • by IpSo_ ( 21711 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:23PM (#17488886) Homepage Journal
    This isn't your usual warning label on a pair of jeans [rock103.com].
  • Bash said it best http://bash.org/?4753 [bash.org] :)
  • Personally, I think a four-year-old precocious enough to read and understand all the warning labels hidden all over a product probably doesn't need those labels

    Um, when I was nine years old and my brother was at the tender age of seven, we dared each other to sit in a moving dryer. First it was my turn to go in. My brother closed the door (as per agreement) and started a cycle for about 5 seconds. Then it was my brothers turn to go in the dryer, which he did. He tumbled in there for substantially longer, ab
  • by exp(pi*sqrt(163)) ( 613870 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @01:54PM (#17489174) Journal
    ...but it is the funniest one ever [livejournal.com].
  • Perhaps some of the labels aren't for real, it's just lawyers trolling.

    There's an urban legend of a Superman costume with the lable "Warning, does not enable user to fly." If I was on the legal team of a company, I'd have great fun tacking on nonsense warnings like this. It would be kind've the legal equivalent of an Easter Egg.

  • The problem in America is that the plaintiff is awarded what the respondent able to pay. In Sweden there are almost the same possibilities to sue as in the US, but practically no lawsuits of "I burnt my self on Mc Donald's coffee, they must pay me $$$$$" because the courts only award whats the injury is supposed to be worth, in a by law established way. In this reasoning a burning your self on a cup of coffee is probably worth $2 or $3, but not more. Law suite problem gone!
  • Spin cycle=120 G's (Score:3, Informative)

    by theonetruekeebler ( 60888 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @02:16PM (#17489358) Homepage Journal
    A friend of mine's father was an E.R. doctor who occasionally worked with the county coroner's office. More than once, he told me, he's had to deal with the remains of a six-year-old boy who evidently thought something along the line of,
    1. Spinning is fun
    2. The washing machine spins
    3. I should go for a ride.
    So they set the dial, climb in and close the lid. Within seconds the G-forces are so intense they can't move their arms to open the lid. Seconds later they can't breathe. Seconds after that the blood is forced out of their brain and they're unconscious. This is an incredible blessing because in less than a minute the skin on their back has ruptured and all the blood and bile and lymph is being flung out of their bodies and pumped away by the washer. The sixty pound unbalanced load is chump change compared to the hundred and sixty pounds of water a washer usually has to spin out. And those sixty pound boys, he told me, get spun down to about thirty pounds of bones and mush.

    18 G's is fatal. Washers subject their load to several minutes G's forces comparable to driving into a concrete wall at 100MPH. So yeah, a little label reminding the grownups that a washing machine will kill the shit out of anything or anybody put in it is a bad idea.

  • by HappyHead ( 11389 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @02:20PM (#17489392)
    My second favourite warning label that I've seen is on the fire starting logs you can buy at the local grocery store - the front says "Start fires easily! Burns fast and clean!", and the back says "Warning: Contents are flammable". Well I should certainly HOPE so!

    The absolute best I've seen though, in the same store even, was something I deeply regret not buying and taking home to show people as proof right then. It was the store's brand of peanut-brittle (a candy made mostly of peanuts) and the warning label said "Warning: MAY contain peanuts" (You mean they're not SURE? I think they need to re-check their manufacturing process if they think there's a chance that there might not be peanuts in the peanut brittle.) Sadly, that one went off the shelves a week later and hasn't been back since...

  • And we talked about warning labels at one point because some of the ones on his products are so silly. For example, "Do not rest top of ladder against power line(s)."

    He was telling me that within a few years, nobody will be manufacturing ladders in the United States anymore, and it will become impossible to buy a ladder. The reason? There are so many frivolous lawsuits against manufacturers, distributors and retailers of ladders that the cost of defending them and/or insurance against claims will make it

  • My favorite label warns about the following;

    A dangerous toy. This toy is being made for the extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play.

    I'm not sure how they arrived at this translation from Japanese, but there it is.
    • Some nice instructions labels: [goyk.com]
      On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside.

      On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

      On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

      On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.

      On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

      On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

      On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

      On Boot's Chi
  • As warning labels and tort law evolve together, they gradually converge on a single unified warning label:

    Do not use indoors. Do not use outdoors. Do not use this product for any purpose. Do not buy this product. Do not read this label.

    On a more serious note, the current silliness over warning labels is a side-effect of the recent switch from buyer-beware to seller-beware. As a result, it becomes less and less profitable to produce anything, and more and more profitable to be dangerously stupid.

  • No people in washing machines? So no one has seen that one episode of Family Guy where Peter rides in one?
  • by Rashdot ( 845549 ) on Saturday January 06, 2007 @03:48PM (#17490338)
    Copied from news:rec.humor.funny.reruns [humor.funny.reruns]

    From the RHF archives as selected by Brad Templeton, Maddi Hausmann and Jim Griffith. This newsgroup posts former jokes from the newsgroup rec.humor.funny. Visit http://www.netfunny.com/rhf [netfunny.com] to browse the RHF pages and archives on the web.

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    IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

    (The above is from Volume 36, Number 1 of The Journal of Irreproducible Results. Copyright 1991 Blackwell Scientific Publications Inc. 3 Cambridge Center, Cambridge MA 02141 Individual US Subscriptions $12.00 Reproduced with permission.)

The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife. -- Harry V. Wade

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