Walmart Tries to Emulate MySpace

mattsucks writes to tell us that according to AdAge, retail behemoth WalMart is trying desperately to target the MySpace demographic with a new, and highly sanitized, site designed to appeal to teens. From the article: "It's a quasi-social-networking site for teens designed to allow them to 'express their individuality,' yet it screens all content, tells parents their kids have joined and forbids users to e-mail one another. Oh, and it calls users 'hubsters' -- a twist on hipsters that proves just how painfully uncool it is to try to be cool."

Uh oh

I didn't think it was humanly possible, but I think I like Myspace better.

Just wait for Hub 2.0...

Just wait. Walmart will realize their mistake and allow kids to do things like add hot pink text on top of bright orange, move the text boxes all over the fucking page and feature looping, inane, impossible to shut off Walmart-friendly music that highlights all the best boy bands Walmart has to offer.

Re:Just wait for Hub 2.0...

It looks like the goal of this is really a talent competition, but only an idiot (or the idiot's parent(s)) would actually agree to this [walmart.com]:
"I represent that my Entry is my original creation and hereby grant to Sponsor the copyright and all other rights now known or hereafter existing to use my Entry throughout the universe, in perpetuity, in whole or in part, in edited, unedited or distorted form, in connection with this Contest, for any trade, advertising, or promotional purpose whatsoever, without review, approval, notification or payment from or to any person or entity, in all media now known or hereafter discovered. I understand and agree that Sponsor shall be entitled to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, license, create derivative works from and distribute or incorporate Entries into any form, medium, or technology now known or later developed throughout the universe, for any purpose whatsoever."

Ouch. (1) Throughout the universe? What, are they afraid a competing alien civilization will try to infringe on the Sponsor's copyright? (2) Without payment, without approval, for any purpose, in any edited or distorted form? Erm.. so if I submitted a video of myself playing guitar, they could make an advertisement where I've been digitally inserted into Britney Spears music video, had a moustache drawn on my face, and use it as an advertisement to sell bull's-eye-targets with my head in the middle? If any kid is hoping to get famous this way, I have one suggestion: DON'T. It sounds like it's *worse* than getting the world's (err, universe's *grin*) worst record deal.

For almost everyone I've met, the ONLY thing they like about Wal-Mart is that you can get lots of stuff inexpensively and conveniently. (I've also heard once or twice that their employees get treated well, which, I have to admit, is admirable.) Their moral agenda, tendency to put local stores out of business (of course, in some cases it's just because it's hard to stay afloat when the giant that is Wal-Mart has sucked all the water out of the pool), policies about what they will and won't carry, and some of the ways I've seen customers treated...

[In some parts of the country, though (sometimes rural areas, economic ditches, etc.), it's the only way to buy some things without mail-ordering them... does that make it a necessary 'evil'?]

Re:Just wait for Hub 2.0...

I represent that my Entry is my original creation and hereby grant to Sponsor the copyright and all other rights now known or hereafter existing to use my Entry throughout the universe

Wow. I don't read a lot of these, but is that 'normal' or is Walmart a little optimistic about furture growth?

Re:Just wait for Hub 2.0...

I represent that my Entry is my original creation and hereby grant to Sponsor the copyright and all other rights now known or hereafter existing to use my Entry throughout the universe

Wow. I don't read a lot of these, but is that 'normal' or is Walmart a little optimistic about furture growth?

Unfortunately, "in perpetuity throughout the universe" has been standard legal boilerplate for a very long time. Given the opportunity, lawyers tend to go for your balls, and they don't fuck around about it.

Re:Uh oh

Good Lord, there has to be an end to this. Every company with an online frontend thinks they can create some kind of social-networking infrastructure to "draw the hip kids in" with. What a load of crap. Why would I join the walmart network to hook up with my friends and buy paper towels, when I'm already connected to 15 different networks. I already have too many to be on. Not to mention, I am sure a social network like myspace, whose sole purpose is to serve as a social network, is much better at performing that function than, say, Walmart is. Walmart sells me toothpaste at a discount, it doesn't connect me to my friends. And in case they haven't noticed, teenage girls aren't going to tell each other they shop at Walmart. There's a bit of a stigma attached to that. From what I hear, they all shop at Target, or "Tär-zhAy"

Re:Uh oh

True, but just because they're known for something else doesn't mean they can't throw money at the problem and come up with a good solution.

Well, they got the 'throw money at the problem' part right at least.

Re:Uh oh

Has anyone dicked around over there, had a looksee? I did. I created a profile and a page partway, before I got hung up in their process.

I wouldn't say that they're trying to rip off myspace. They're using the idea of MySpace to sell product. This is about marketing back-to-school clothes in an interactive quasi-social way. It's marketing. It's marketing. It's marketing. There is a video contest sponsored by sony. You're supposed to create a video for your page. The video is supposed to be an commercial showing you doing school "your way". That's the marketing slogan: School Your Way.

There is no social interactivity, as near as I can tell. No way to leave comments.

They're not trying to attract the hip kids, so much as they're trying to do a makeover on kids that would normally be shopping for their clothes at walmart. There going after the kids that want to be hip, but aren't. Not ever mall contains a hot topic. This isn't about kids being hip, this is about marketers trying to be hip, tryng to understand the MySpace phenom so they can sell it back to you.

A little Frank Zappa song would be apropos here.

I am gross and perverted
Im obsessed n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little had changed
I am the tool of the government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you cant look away
I make you think Im delicious
With the stuff that I say
I am the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I am the slime oozin out
From your tv set

Re:Uh oh

I suspect Walmart is actually targetting the PARENTS more than the kids. By offering such a heavily-filtered, dumbed-down, bland version of Myspace (with the good ole' trusted Walmart name brand, no less), they're probably hoping to lure in parents looking to offer their kids a lame-ass knock-off of what the cool kids are using (think of it as analogous to Walmart's equally lame-ass knock-off clothing line).

I pity the poor kids whose bible-thumping or paranoid parents force them off Myspace and onto this turd. Just keep telling yourself that it will end when you go to college, kids. And, for God's sake, DO NOT let them send you to Liberty University.

-Eric

Re:Uh oh

From what I hear, they all shop at Target, or "Tär-zhAy"

Who told you about the secret, hilarious name that I CAME UP WITH for my favorite (pronounced "fave-o-right") store?!?! Do you people have my room bugged or something? I swear, ever since Stupert Murdoch (another little gem of mine, and no you can't use it) bought MySpace, everytime I think of something funny, like a week later, I see it on TV, and I'm getting sick of it. So back off, ok? Yesterday I came up with a hilarious pun on Hillary Duff's name and if I find out someone has been eavesdropping, I am gonna be ticked...

Re:Uh oh

Our site requires Flash 8 in order to present you with the highest level of interactivity available.
Please click here to visit the Macromedia site and download the free Flash player for your Web browser,
then return to our site to experience our site at its best.

It's so great running Linux. I couldn't view that crap even if I wanted to. Now if only all the other garbage on the web would take this precaution to protect me from seeing their sites...

Re:Uh oh

Yea, I got that message too.

So, out of curiosity, I peeked at their shockwave file:
http://a1.g.akamai.net/f/1/25623/1h/exxonmobil.dow nload.akamai.com/25623/theHub/multimedia/home_land ing.swf [akamai.net]

exxonmobil?

Anyone who understands Akamai (better than I) feel up to explaining how that works? Shouldn't Wal Mart get their own subdomain walmart.download.akamai.com?

Re:Uh oh

Expect to see a lot of mysteriously well-organized "OMG, SUV's are *so* cool!!!" and "OMG, I think the oil companies get *SUCH* a bad rap" posts on that site.

-Eric

AdSpace

The only thing is, MySpace didn't get created as a way to gather free footage for an ad campaign or to push apparel sales on kids. From the FAQ [walmart.com]:

SO, WHAT CAN I DO HERE? There's tons of fun stuff to keep you entertained! Check out the latest fashion trends and make your own personalized page for a chance to win amazing prizes from Sony! If you're a little more ambitious, create your own video clip and send it in for a chance to have it turned into a TV commercial!

The whole "Wal-MartSpace" site seems to be geared around a contest to create a Wal-Mart ad. The rules [walmart.com] of the contest state

Entrants are asked to discuss, illustrate, express their individuality (any way within the provisions of these rules and the guidelines posted on the Web Site), how it is reflected in their personal style, taste in fashions / accessories, interests, activities, etc., and to consider how Wal-Mart helps support their personal style and self-expression through the depth and breadth of products Wal-Mart offers.

And so much for it being a blog of sorts

Page and/or Page and Video must be completed and submitted at the same time in a single online session.

My personal favorite rule is the one that states

Without limitation and in its sole discretion, Sponsor may disqualify any Entry that it deems to:... Contain any beverages, tobacco, drug paraphernalia, firearms, or any depiction or representation thereof; or

Damn it, those kids better not have anyone drinking water in their submission! The four example videos shown would all be disqualified by the rules - most have trademarks or copyrights (music and clothing logos), one has someone with a beverage (gasp!) and one has partial nudity (shirtless boys). This is an ad campaign that is doomed to fail, IMHO. The bright side is that we will have some Wal-mart joke fodder for a while. Your kid, too, can have a Genuine Faux Blog(tm).

Check, check and check...

Screened content? Check
Parents notified? Check
Oooh, no email? Check

Yep, hits all my buttons.

Unfortunately, I'm a parent, with teenagers. I'd have as much success leading them to this site as I have getting them to tidy their rooms, speak respectfully to their elders and cook dinner occasionally.

Re:Check, check and check...

My Hub
http://schoolyourway.walmart.com/index.php/Hubster Page/46700342 [walmart.com]

The e-mail:

From: [e-mail]
Subject: Your child has registered at The HUB by Wal-Mart.

Your child has completed online registration and created a page at The HUB, Wal-Mart's "School Your Way" contest website.

If you would like to register at The HUB and view your child's page submission, you may do so by clicking the link below:

http://schoolyourway.walmart.com/index.php/user/do b?childId= [walmart.com]

If you do not wish to have his/her submission included in the Hub, please reply to this email on or before August 27, 2006. Your kid's page will be removed from the Hub and the Contest promptly following our receipt of your email.
Thank you!

- The Wal-Mart Back-to-School Team

Please only reply to this e-mail if requesting your child's page be removed from the Hub.

Email Marketing, Walmart.com, 7000 Marina Blvd., Brisbane, CA 94005 ? 2006 Wal-Mart.com USA, LLC. All rights reserved.

What a joke.
They call that screening?
It's an opt-out e-mail!!!

They have to know that's a stupid idea.
I could have sent that confirmation e-mail anywhere.

Grammar Nazi...

TRIES. T-R-I-E-S. The only acceptable time for "trys" is when you're on the way to "tryst". I've never really gotten heated about grammar in articles, but it's IN BOLD PRINT!! C'mon!
 
/late
//drunk
///please don't hurt my karma

Why Walmart? WHY?

A much better idea would have been to create a subsidiary and do it through them. The association with a company that works on a "mass" basis somewhat works against the desire to "express one's individuality".

Actually, if I did want to express my individuality (which I don't, because I don't have low self-esteem), I would prefer to make my own site. That's a lot more individualistic than being part of a large mass of people on a big site.

I think I just threw-up a bit

If that site were any more out of touch it would download via Senator Ted Stevens' tube based internet.

I think Walmart's been taking marketing advise from Steven Colbert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PbJJUy1KD8 [youtube.com]

Dear Jeebus

Oh.... My... Gawd....

I have finally seen it: The Worst Idea On The Internet.

I always thought it would come from Bush, Ballmer, or Bin Laden, but congratulations, Wal-Mart, you've won! Yes, because we all know that teens are clamoring to be associated with that haven of cool, the Wal-Mart Supercenter! They'll hang out all day in chat rooms monitored by a giant smiley face that threatens to "Roll back trolls"! They want clever, yet unoffensive nicknames like 'The gr33tr' and 'mop_guy_99'! They'll argue all day over whether they should get the 80-pack of Charmin or the 120-pack of generic brand toilet paper!

What teen wouldn't mind saying in the halls of their school, "I'll see ya on The HUB, dude!" "ya, see ya later, HUBSTER"?! (tragically these two kids were beaten to death with Abercrombie & Fitch merchandise a few moments later)

Seriously, I can imagine the Gap or Abercrombie, maybe even Starbucks doing this, but.... Wal-mart?!?!

I can only imagine that the kind of teen that would use Wal-mart for a social networking service are the ones who go there barefoot and pregnant because they thought Saran Wrap was a contraceptive. That and the guys who argue over Coors Lite vs. Miller Lite.

May Cthulu help us all.

Re:Dear Jeebus

>They'll hang out all day in chat rooms monitored by a giant
>smiley face that threatens to "Roll back trolls"!

OK, now that *would* actually rock ...

Re:Dear Jeebus

American supermarkets are disturbing places that make us Europeans feel like they've wandered into a world of giants. Tubs of ice cream the size of bathtubs, slabs of cheese bigger than my fridge.

Words fail

I can't believe how naive these failed-meme-launching marketing execs keep proving themselves to be.

There are 95 million myspace users and every week another million sign up. There aren't enough additional people in the Internet-using public in america to even come close to competing with myspace. They'd be lucky to pick up a couple hundred thousand users. And why would you use this instead of myspace?

This isn't intended to compete with myspace. It's just another marketing disaster.

"You've just become a member of one of the coolest cliques on the net. Be sure to spam your friends...

Wait for the goatse... Meanwhile I'll be uploading random copyright infringing content via tor... This must be good for something.

MySpace

I've looked at MySpace but I just don't get it. It just full of crap. Perhaps I'm too old.

Can anyone point out a page that's actually worth looking at?
 

Re:MySpace

Perhaps I'm too old.

Yes, definitely. If, by old, you mean born before 1993.

Re:MySpace

Appears to be a giant dating site for people who think quoting 'meaningful' song lyrics on their web page makes them deep.

Re:MySpace

Can anyone point out a page that's actually worth looking at?

I think the problem is you are looking at Myspace pages as a random passerby. I use my page to communicate to people who have an interest in what is going on in my life (friends, family, former classmates). Randomly going around Myspace is like looking into random people's diaries. Maybe you'll get a chuckle, but more often you'll be bored and confused.

It's more of that viral marketing bullshit.

The website, content and contest are just a marketing campaign and a pathetic one at that. Kids "customize" their page and upload pictures and video (pending approval from the Walmart mandarins, of course). The entire exercise is directed at getting kids to shop for their fall back to school wardrobe at Wally World as opposed to Target, who apparently have the budget teen fashion market pretty much buttoned up (no pun intended). It's not a blog or even a blog with training wheels, but just a way for kids to yap to their friends about this "cool new web site" and act as shills for Walmart.

More details

from the FAQ:

WHO'S BEHIND THIS GENIUS WEB DESTINATION?
    The guys from Wal-Mart and Sony® teamed up to bring you all the sweet stuff you'll find on the HUB!

'nuff said.

MySpace.com for the Bible belt

This is embarrassing. This is like the federal government starting a myspace rival.

Proof positive

Aside from the entertainment of the mockery Wally World so richly deserves, this is a pretty clear example of the level of desperation the idiot mainstream marketers are experiencing. They, like the failed entertainment retailers, are coming to realize that they can't control the world anymore.

So, they are trying to take on this runaway train we call the web. Trouble is, they have been stuck in their little castles for so long, they no longer get the new world that is. Because they do not get it, they attempt a cheesy imitation of such.

The stunning irony here is that they actually believed this rip off would be found credible and there was no one within their ranks who was able to tell them how idiotic they looked.

This isn't the loss of a battle -- this is a total loss of the war.

Reminds me

Oh, and it calls users 'hubsters'

Of the founder of a space opera ufo nut cult, alas Hubbard is written with a double 'b'.

Maybe Walmart just didn't want to get sued. [google.com].

Oooh new playground

Well, I've been out of the country and away from my friends for a few months.

I can't go egging houses, but tonight, yeeeess tonight we see what we can get past the censors at WalMart.

Will post updates here.

I should probably shave first.

You guys are missing the point...

Wal*Mart is simply doing this to gain valuable insight into the "popular" things teenagers think about. To do so is to "know your market," which in the ends gains them dollars. They don't give a damn about competing with MySpace - this is simply free focus group fodder. If they even get a few hundred users to post a few blog posts with useful marketing information, they'll be happy.

Marketing data is what they are looking for.

Front page video

I counted the number of times the girls said "cute" and "like" in that front page video. Here's the rough numbers:

cute: 11111111
like: 111111111111

missing buzzword in title

Emulate myspace?!?!? Slashdot is really missing a story-click headline opportunity here. Walmart is launching a mySpace-KILLER!

Seth

People talk like this is a bad thing

Echoing SNL's insight that WalMart reversed its decision to sell birth control pills when it throught about who shops at WalMart, do we _really_ want people who would join this site uncensored and emailing each other?

Pre-Programmed Failure

This is going to fail and fail badly. For one simple reason anyone who still remembers there childhood knows: Nothing specifically designed to appeal to teens ever does.

Teens are way, way, way more interested in stuff made for adults.