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Review: Juvenile Felis Catus 350

MBCook writes "Looking for something new? Well Dan's Data has a review of something called a "Juvenile Felis Catus" (or "kitten" for short). The review goes over everything from how to aquire one, to required maintence, to storage, to a comparison against other ways of spending your money (kitten vs. puppy vs. baby vs. new video card). The article is full of useful and informative links such as your average kitten's standard configuration. A well reasoned and interesting review."
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Review: Juvenile Felis Catus

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  • Ode to Spot (Score:5, Funny)

    by momerath2003 ( 606823 ) * on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:16PM (#10410472) Journal
    Felis Catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,

    An endothermic quadruped carnivorous by nature.
    Your visual, olfactory and auditory senses
    Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defences.

    I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations,
    A singular development of cat communications
    That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
    For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

    A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents:
    You would not be so agile if you lacked its counter-balance.
    And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion
    It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

    Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
    Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array,
    And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend
    I none-the-less consider you a true and valued friend.


    -- Data

    (sorry, it was the first thing that came into my mind when I saw a review of "felis catus" on a page called "Dan's Data")
  • A "Pets:" Section? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by MMHere ( 145618 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:16PM (#10410473)
    What, a Pets: section now?

    First /. gets into Politics by adding that new section. Now this.

    What's next, RealEstate: ???
  • by Average_Joe_Sixpack ( 534373 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:16PM (#10410474)
    No contest, I can always trade in the video card
  • Ahh.. so "How many cats crazy are you?" We are only one cat crazy. Most programmers I know are at least 2-3 cats crazy. How many cats crazy are you?
    • by smclean ( 521851 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:24PM (#10410509) Homepage
      I'm one cats crazy. But I think I get bonus points since every cat I've ever owned has been named after a unix text editor. What's strange, is the cats outcomes has been reflective of the state of their namesakes.

      Jed - Ran away. Came back miraculously a few months later, but could not be domesticated.

      Pico - Healthy cat, raised from a kitten, found dead inexplicably one day in the backyard.

      Lynx (OK, not a text editor) - Great cat, lots of fun, worked for years, then disappeared, presumably coyote food.

      Emacs - The only cat I still use now. Extremely independent and reliable, can be trained to strange behavoir, but only if he wants to be trained.

      Name your pets wisely!

      • Sheesh. I wonder whether I can vi for space to say I'm zero cats crazy.

        --
        mutt user
      • by Anonymous Coward
        If you can't be bothered to care for a cat, don't get one, please. Cats should not be allowed outside to kill the local wildlife, get and spread disease, and be injured/killed/tortured by local dahmer-to-be's. Indoor cats live longer, healthier lives, and assuming you give them a toy or two, do not need the outdoors for entertainment/exercise.
        • To confine a cat to the inside is to deny a cat its' true nature.

          (tig)
          • To confine a cat to the inside is to deny a cat its' true nature.

            I used to agree with you. My old cat was definately an outdoor cat, he used to cry at the door if I ever tried to keep him inside out of concern for the local possum population.

            After he died I got these two [216.218.248.155] who are indoors all week except for maybe a few hours on the weekend. They are perfectly happy.
          • To confine a cat to the inside is to deny a cat its' true nature.

            Perhaps, but then they won't run the risk of running into dimensional transmogrifiers*.

            * Some people call them cars, I call them dimensional transmogrifiers, because they turn 3-dimension cats into 2 dimension cats.
            --- F. Frederick Skitty
        • That's stupid. Cats have their own personallities, some can live only inside, some need to be outside.
          Maybe their life is shorter, but it's THEIR LIFE. Like you may die faster if you ride a motorbike. You have no right to chose for others, btw in countries were they belong (i/e: everywhere except australia/newzealand) they just act as pest control.
          Mine is a house tornado but she's ill at ease outside, so she stay at home. But my father's cat was a sleep at home hunt outside boy. No way to keep him inside wh
        • by paganizer ( 566360 ) <{thegrove1} {at} {hotmail.com}> on Friday October 01, 2004 @10:29PM (#10411052) Homepage Journal
          If you can't be bothered to let your cat LIVE instead of turning it into a life accessory/interactive toy, please do not get one.
          In order for a cat to be happy and whole, it MUST hunt, it must have a chance to explore. It's cat nature.
          Keeping one locked up it's entire life is no different than doing a bonsai kitty.
          Oh, and PLEASE consider cutting off your fingers to the first joint before you consider de-clawing a cat; if you can't live with a clawed cat, Kill It, it's more merciful.
          • by Anonymous Coward
            No, stop trying to put your feeling into your cat. Cats live perfectly fine indoors, and have no need to hunt anything or explore anything. If you want your cat to experience the outdoors, TAKE it outside, don't LET it outside.

            And I do find it amusing that you on one hand support cruel and neglectful treatment of cats, and then in the next breath are against cruelty. I don't know why you associate being a reponsable owner with mutilating animals, it seems kinda weird. I don't injure my cats, or my dogs
          • Keeping one locked up it's entire life is no different than doing a bonsai kitty.

            Well there is more effort ito making a bonsai kitten. I have no idea where I can get small acrylic boxes.

            And I'm ashamed that you wouldn't even give a link to the site. [bonsaikitten.com]

            on a serious note, I think your full of crap. I've had many cats throughout my life and every time I give in and let them "have the chance to explore" it's been run over by a car.

            Now I have 3 cats, all indoor, 2 kittens even. I have to say, these are t
          • by shawb ( 16347 ) on Saturday October 02, 2004 @04:37AM (#10412177)
            I agree that a cat must have a chance to explore. It is just fine exploring under your bed, in a paper bag just brought in, etc. And the hunting instinct can be more than compensated for by play and attention. Cats that are never allowed to roam free outside never really have much of a desire to.

            The fact is that cats that allowed to roam free have an average life expectancy of 3 years [hsus.org] as opposed to 15-18 years for indoor only cats. House cats are domesticated animals. Many of the traits which help them survive in the wild have been bred out over thousands of years. Even wild cats which still have all of their instincts have no way of dealing with traffic, the number of poisons that are easiily found in the city and the cruelty that can be inflicted on them by other humans.

            And if you are still convinced that your cat needs to go outside, please make sure that it is spayed or neutered. Remember that in seven years one female cat and her offspring can produce 420,000 cats. [hsus.org] Because of this shelters are forced to euthanize millions [americanhumane.org] of cats anually. These are people who love animals enough to make taking care of them a career, who have to kill cats each and every day because people are unwilling to spay/neuter and keep their cats locked in the house.

            However, I do agree with you 100% on declawing. [declawing.com] It is indeed cruel, and there are ways to cope with the instinct and redirect it. And from personal experience working in shelters, a cat poses a much greater risk to people after it has been declawed, since the only weapon it has left to use when frightened is its teeth.

            And as long as I am ranting on the topic of humane treatment of animals: If you are considering adopting a cat (or any other animal) please look into the amount of actual work it is and decide if you are capable of providing for the animals needs. If you do decide to bring an animal into your life, please please please consider adopting one from the local shelter or a breed specific rescue organization. Many pet stores and ads in the paper often get their animals [nopuppymills.com] through [canismajor.com] very cruel [hsus.org] sources [puppymills.com]. There are too many perfect animals waiting for homes to support the cruel trade of pets as product. And paying alot for a pet through a breeder that you do not know does nothing to guarantee the health and condition of that animal.
        • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday October 02, 2004 @12:12AM (#10411387)
          Girls should not be allowed outside unattended to be raped by men, getting and spreading disease, unable to defend themselves against threats to their safety. Indeed, if you make sure to provide the finer things in life for them, there is no need at all for them to go outside.

          Freedom and safety are in many ways a direct one-to-one tradeoff for each other. Both are desirable, neither is the correct choice. Such are the difficult decisions in life.

          I suppose this wouldn't appeal if you're the sort of person who intends to force their children to become doctors when they want to be musicians, but personally, I believe in letting them choose their own fate. There is no proof a cat is actually smart enough to make this decision, but I believe they are. Regardless, I have had some cats who show no interest at all for going outside, and others who trod outside happily during the coldest, darkest, most miserable blizzards. Every cat is different just like every person is different.
      • Lynx (OK, not a text editor) - Great cat, lots of fun, worked for years, then disappeared, presumably coyote food.

        Nah, most cats eat dogs for breakfast, or they atleast give a damn good account of their selves. Being almost literally armed to the teeth helps a lot.

        It was probably catnapped. As in, somebody started feeding it, and it st(r)ayed. They are like that, cats, always looking out for the number 1 mealticket.

      • by cpeikert ( 9457 )
        What's strange, is the cats outcomes has been reflective of the state of their namesakes.

        My cat's name is Qusay.

        From the moment I named her, she started running my household like a brutal dictatorship.

        It's uncanny.
      • by thogard ( 43403 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:59PM (#10410911) Homepage
        Having kittens that like to walk on keyboards is the only sane argument I've ever known in the vi vs emacs wars...
    • That is, if you leave me alone with a cat long enough, you'll have zero cats.
    • by Samrobb ( 12731 )

      Blargh. I just realized that, at the moment, we're 3 cats crazy, and we've been 4-5 cats crazy at times - not counting litters! Mix in two rufflebutts, two mini dauchsunds, a praying mantis, 3-4 stray cats that come around when it suits them, coyotes, deer, owls and (thanks to the cats) a regular flow of dead chipmunks, moles and birds... sheesh. Life on the farm, I guess. Best thing is I'm only 30 minutes outside of Pittsburgh :-)

  • Carryable! (Score:2, Funny)

    by lordsilence ( 682367 ) *
    An alternative to carrying the cat in a bag [benchtest.com]: LAN Gear [pccasegear.com] for kittens [ls-la.net] ;)
  • by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:22PM (#10410499)
    This review is well over a year old.
  • We do all realize that this is WAY out of date? This page has been up since April 1st. 2003.
  • by droleary ( 47999 )
    All you need to know has long been at: Bonsai Kitten [bonsaikitten.com]!
  • I'm afraid (Score:5, Funny)

    by Doomsdaisy ( 90430 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:34PM (#10410551)
    I fear looking at the link just in case there is something about the notorious kitten modding community I keep hearing about. If you mod your kitten, don't you violate the warranty?

    '
  • by dedeman ( 726830 ) <dedeman1&yahoo,com> on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:34PM (#10410554)
    Ha ha! I have both, and to prove it, I can show you a cooling fan and a patch of white cat fur with an odd grill shape on it.
  • Note to the squeamish: Yes, this means it'll lick its privates. Don't pretend you wouldn't do it too, if you could.
    I only wish my hardware could perform as reliably as the felis catus.
  • Ok, so I just woke up and without even bothering to put my glasses on, I opened up Slashdot and saw "Juvenile Fells Cactus" and thought, "Whaaaa?" and I took a second look and still saw the same thing, so I read the blurb and about halfway through realized it wasn't a cactus its talking about. I should probably go back to bed.
  • **WARNING** (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:36PM (#10410571)
    KITTEN IS NOT RACK-MOUNTABLE

    Just a word of advice from someone who's "been there".
  • If you have decided to take the plunge by getting a cat of your own, you'll eventually find yourself bored with it. Here's [aol.com] an interesting activity you might want to try to pass the time with you and your kitty.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:38PM (#10410586)
    The standard jokes apply here, but not well.

    Can you run linux on it?
    Imagine a beowulf cluster of these...
    In Soviet Russia, cat posts year-old review of you.

    What this needs is a new meme.

    Can you start a new Man-Kzin War with one???

    (Can also apply to pretty much any space technology or any technology that could be adapted to weaponry with difficulty. Especially applies to any laser-based communications system.)

    It should be further noted that I forgot to include a subject and got the "Cat got your tongue" error message. Heh.
    • Can you run linux on it?
      Runs on:
      • Kitten: most horizontal, many sloped and some vertical platforms
      • Puppy: most horizontal and some sloped platforms
      • Baby: most horizontal and some sloped platforms; slow, but should improve as the unit ages
      • New video card: AGP
  • Fun fact (Score:4, Informative)

    by ImaLamer ( 260199 ) <john,lamar&gmail,com> on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:38PM (#10410589) Homepage Journal
    Did you know that only about 1% of the housecats in the world are pure breed?

    Most cats (99%) are mixtures of several breeds.

    • Re:Fun fact (Score:5, Insightful)

      by pla ( 258480 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:03PM (#10410715) Journal
      Did you know that only about 1% of the housecats in the world are pure breed?

      Did you know that the entire concept of a "purebred" counts as total BS, a fictional concept designed to allow a small number of people to profit from an activity this particular species engages in prolifically (and loudly)?

      Not to mention that a "mixed" breed will usually have fewer health problems (some defensive cat-slaver will no doubt chime in to dispute that - True, under optimal conditions, you can breed genetic disease out of a line. It simply does not happen in practice, as the largest motivation to breed involves profit, which you don't maximize by "rendering nonviable" two out of every three newborns).
      • Re:Fun fact (Score:5, Informative)

        by imac.usr ( 58845 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:44PM (#10410857) Homepage
        Er, no.

        No reputable breeder sets out to make a profit on their cats, nor are they trying to breed "disease" out - they're bred for specific physical or emotional characteristics, and judged as such.

        People who breed cats for profit are looked down upon as the scum of the universe by any real cat breeder. Every single one I know puts the health and well-being of their cats above any financial concern. There are people who spend close to $5,000 per year on their catterys, just for vet visits and sheltering.

        Please, do a little research on the subject before you paint all cat breeders with the same evil brush. (No, I'm not one, but my wife is, and I assure you she's not in it for the money.)

    • Re:Fun fact (Score:3, Informative)

      by stratjakt ( 596332 )
      "Purebred" is just an arbitrary term cat (or dog) people come up with to create an artificially "elite" class of pet ownership.

      Personally, I think it's a little cruel to keep inbreeding animals. Purebred pets suffer so many more congenital problems than mutts.

      I mean, why do we make dogs who are cousins hump and make inbred, sick puppies?
      • This kind of purebreeding has been done for centuries. It's how we got dogs to begin with; wolf puppies who showed more docile tendencies were bred together so their offspring could be used inside human society. That's also how we got all the breeds of dogs and cats we have today. Those animals which had desirable tendencies were selectively breeded together. Fishermen in Canada needed a dog to help them take the nets from the ship to the shore, so they bred a dog that liked to swim and had a thick and
  • The comparison table at the end is the funniest thing I've seen all week. Without a doubt.
  • news for nerds?? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by $tendec ( 818143 )
    I don't mind slashdot posting articles on politics but it would be nice if it were more balanced....if slashdot is going to bash Kitty supporters then why don't they bash puppy supporters as well.

    I should qualify this....i do appretiate slashdot's choice giving exposure to third party pets.

    ok i can't go on any longer....i for one welcome out new fluffy faced overlords and in soviet russia our kittens own us.

    stendec@gmail.com
  • by dj245 ( 732906 )
    If you're going to post year-old articles, please don't include "looking for something new?" as the catchline. Its pretty amusing, but it makes you look silly.
  • Cat tale (Score:3, Informative)

    by slumpy ( 304072 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @08:55PM (#10410667) Homepage
    Cats are not compatible with optical mice.
  • by gandalfnm ( 95925 )
    I have a 19 year old Felis Catus and good God! That cat can lay a turd which would put a great Dane to shame! And the stench will drive you outta the house! Course he only does that when hes done vomiting over everything in the house!

    AHHHHHHHH!
    • Re:Just say no! (Score:3, Informative)

      by twocoasttb ( 601290 )
      Sounds like your cat maybe has the same thing mine does. Megacolon is where the cat's large intestine becomes enlarged because of nerves not working properly. Stool accumulates and gets, well, enormous. Benefiber mixed in his food and two capsules daily of DSS stool softener help my cat maintain somewhat regular bowel function. It's definately something that should be treated; the longer you let it go the worse it gets, and if it goes to far surgery is the only option.
  • Upstanding individuals who don't desex their cats...

    "Desex?" Is that a politically correct euphemism for "cut their balls off?"
  • we don't cover insane cat people enough on slashdot.
  • by b1scuit ( 795301 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:06PM (#10410724)
    How to keep your kitty clean.

    1. In toilet, combine one cat, one tablespoon pet shampoo.

    2. Close lid. Sit down.

    3. Flush.

    4. Field calls from curious/concerned neighbors.

    5. ????

    6. Profit!

    Keyboard error... Press F1 to resume.

  • this is slashdot - tell us about the Small Form Factor [bonsaikitten.com] edition.
  • by inflex ( 123318 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:12PM (#10410740) Homepage Journal
    I actually just bought myself a kitten about 6 weeks ago. The place is a mess, my keyboard has even -more- fur in it (aside from my own shedding) and my mouse routinely is found hanging off the edge of my desk when I arrive in the morning (I have a home-office).

    This kitten was highly incompatible with the already installed old-blind-dog system. It took over a month of food and luck to get the two systems to cooperate without causing general-insanity faults with the owners.

    Despite all that I could never take it back. I tried to take the cat back 24 hours after I bought it but I got about 2km down the road before everything was too blurry from the sudden onrush of water obscuring my vision.

    http://pldaniels.com/photos/2004092001/mpic00008 .j pg

    These things are dangerously addictive :-D
    • Despite all that I could never take it back. I tried to take the cat back 24 hours after I bought it but I got about 2km down the road before everything was too blurry from the sudden onrush of water obscuring my vision.
      http://pldaniels.com/photos/2004092001/mpic00008.j pg [pldaniels.com]

      Looks just like mine, 12 years ago... I just finished this website [st-armand.com] and for a while I didn't have the product logo so I put my own cat's picture on the page. The client said that's cute and didn't ask to remove the picture...

    • Don't be fooled, people, that suspiciously cute robokitty takes lithium-ion batteries! Here's a picture from the same day as proof:

      http://pldaniels.com/photos/2004092001/mpic00002.j pg [pldaniels.com]

      ~jeff
    • Bunny (Score:3, Interesting)

      by phorm ( 591458 )
      I used to have rats, which make decent pets, very smart and loyal, but many people dislike the tails and they aren't all that cuddly (though they can ride on your shoulder). Sometime after my last rat went to rodent heaven, I've gotten myself a cute little dwarf bunny. She's less independant than a cat, can be kept in a bunny case (but it's better to litter train her), and is getting used to travelling (recommend that you let her sit on your lap because they slide around the cage otherwise).

      In short, bunny
  • by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:19PM (#10410766)
    He forgot to cover overclocking with catnip :-)
  • I expect a cease and desist letter shortly, thanks to this slashdotting. By simply looking up this patent [delphion.com] he would have known to keep the cat in the box!

    The question of course is whether a kitten is a derivative cat work, or if having a kitten gives this guy prior art...
  • by OneOver137 ( 674481 ) on Friday October 01, 2004 @09:25PM (#10410793) Journal
    Dog (Doberman) and cat did had existing interoperability issues. Dog has impressive firewall capabilities. Baby 1.0 comes along, hogs processes and causes Wife 1.0 to segfault and core dump at regular intervals. This caused cat to receive little processor time and eventually cat was mv'd to another directory. Rumor has it that Dog and firearm-type firewalls are incompatible with later versions of Child 1.0. Hopefully this will not cause Wife 1.0 to uninstall...
  • by andreyw ( 798182 )
    While I found the "Felis Catus" section on Dan's Data very entertaining, this hardly qualifies as *NEWS.* Heck, it was *exactly* a year ago when I read that page.
  • - The USA prepares to invade Iraq
    - AMD is rumoured to be working on a 64-bit chip that runs x86 code
    - Microsoft releases Windows 3.1
    - Hitler invades Poland
    - Columbus bumps into new continent while looking for India
    - Giant comet hits the Earth and causes mass extinction
  • by Chris Carollo ( 251937 ) on Saturday October 02, 2004 @12:06AM (#10411374)
    I can't resist, I just love this picture [cornbread.org] so much.

    We have two cats, Felix [cornbread.org] and Oscar [cornbread.org]. Yes, they live up to their names perfectly.
  • by Raptor CK ( 10482 ) on Saturday October 02, 2004 @12:40AM (#10411467) Journal
    1) Power management via catnip. Use just a little of the stuff, and you will bring your kitten into a low power suspend mode. Heat dissipation won't change much, though.

    2) Compatibility. Kittens are initially incompatible with additional kittens, resulting in cowering, hissing, and the occasional scratch. This will normally go away, and lead to mutual cooperation, with two kittens working together being far more destructive than two kittens working individually.
  • by Greyfox ( 87712 ) on Saturday October 02, 2004 @02:46AM (#10411878) Homepage Journal
    You know how your cat likes catnip right? Try valerian root sometime. Yes, the stuff smells nasty, kinda like gym socks that smell so bad it takes your breath away. It will drive your cat even more insane than catnip will. So much as opening the bottle and letting the cat smell it will result the cat rubbing up against the bottle and eventually trying to take it away from you. By force.

    I put a couple of unopened capsules in my cat's refillable catnip mouse and that thing now gets a lot more play than it used to. I'd suggest being careful not to let them OD though. It is technically a drug and if that's not enough, a valerian spill in your house could result in you having to move out (It smells that bad, seriously.)

    As an added benefit a couple of capsules of the stuff before bed will help you get to sleep a lot more gently than Nyquil will.

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