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Beware of Fake Monkey Automatons 225

Posted by timothy from the as-opposed-to-real-monkey-automatons dept.
rkinch writes "The Mechanical Music Digest gives this warning about bogus monkey automatons that seem to be flooding the antiques market. These supposedly 19th-century hookah-smoking shrunken monkey heads are actually clever modern reproductions tricked up to look old. That "Marvo the Magic Monkey" specimen hanging on your wall may not really date back to 1879."
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Beware of Fake Monkey Automatons More

Beware of Fake Monkey Automatons

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  • Dude..... (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward
    If you have something like that hanging on your wall, well....

    You're sicker than we all thought.

    • Re:Dude..... (Score:2, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Yeah, well, just wait 'til I finish porting NetBSD to my 19th-century hookah-smoking shrunken monkey head, then we'll see whose laughing, pal.
  • If you want such a grotesque thing in your house, this may be nature's way of punishing you for it.

  • Mechanical Monkey Heads? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by baptiste ( 256004 ) <mike&baptiste,us> on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:27PM (#4258256) Homepage Journal
    You have GOT to be joking. Just when I think I've seen it all on /. Must be a REALLY slow news day!

    I have this image of Taco in a room with all these mechanical talking monkey heads. :)

    • Re:Mechanical Monkey Heads? (Score:4, Funny)

      by IIRCAFAIKIANAL ( 572786 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:46PM (#4258362) Journal
      Little Mechanical Monkey: "Kill them Taco. They are all against you. You must kill them all."

      Taco: "Shut up Chim Chim just shut up why won't you just SHUT UP AIIII!"
    • Well, it's no worse than 75% of those "Ask Slashdots".

      I think the basic problem here is that the editors each have some kind of quota. But nobody's standing back and saying, "Is this editor really making an effort to select interesting, relevent stores, or is he just going through the motions?

      I've been making shows
      Of trading blows
      Just hoping no one knows
      That I've been going through the motions
      Walking through the part
      Nothing seems to penetrate my heart!

  • Damn . . . I've been swindled (Score:4, Funny)

    by StefanJ ( 88986 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:27PM (#4258258) Homepage Journal
    On the other hand, it's probably my fault.

    I shouldn't have believed it when the guy told me that it wasn't uncommon for antique monkey automatons to take AAA batteries.

  • ok.... (Score:2, Funny)

    by motardo ( 74082 )
    what the FUCK? This is probably the strangest thing i've seen on /. (this isn't memepool taco!!)
  • Very creative reproductions... found myself wondering if I was looking at pictures of originals or the fakes aforementioned. A very odd past-time of making dead things into amusing entertainment peices. I honestly don't think I know a single person who would purchase such a thing.

  • wtf? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by jtilak ( 596402 )
    this is a joke right? this is stuff that matters???

  • I don't understand... (Score:2, Insightful)

    by norculf ( 146473 )
    Why is this on slashdot? Is it April 1? Is the monkey in that machine running slashdot now?
  • How does one become a slashdot editor? Serious question. Is it an employee of OSDN or VA? Is it a volunteer job? Is it freelanced out? Is it someone who contributed over 1000KLOC to slash?
    • How does one become a slashdot editor? Serious question. Is it an employee of OSDN or VA? Is it a volunteer job? Is it freelanced out? Is it someone who contributed over 1000KLOC to slash?

      GIven this story - must be from WEST Virginia :)

    • New poll idea:

      Which Slashdot editor should be sacked

      o Cmdr Taco
      o Hemos
      * Timothy
      o Cliff
      o ChrisD
      o Cowboy Neal
      • Comment removed based on user account deletion
        • Now there's a point. See, I thought that the "Tesla Coil" article was what is often referred to as a "joke". You know, something fictional, intended to be light-hearted and amusing. I read it, and sure enough, I was duly amused by it.


          I seriously laughed my arse off at all the people posting going "It's a hoax! It's a hoax! Stupid /. editors have been tricked into posting up a HOAX!"


          Just shows the level of idiocy that slashdot has sunk to. I'll probably by $rtbled for this, but guys - your site is lame. Remove anonymous posting, and remove the 20 second and two limit timeouts on posting, and things will *slowly* improve.

      • Which Slashdot editor should be sacked
        Michael... definitely Michael...

    • Re:Become a slashdot editor? (Score:5, Insightful)

      by JabberWokky ( 19442 ) <slashdot.com@timewarp.org> on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:47PM (#4258371) Homepage Journal
      Slashdot was a personal site, and to a certain extent, still is. A couple of friends got together and started it. They were funded by (Andover, VA REsearch, VA Linux, VA Software) for growth and bandwidth in exchange for bannerspace. The content and all editorial decisions are still those of a couple of guys who are friends. That's what gives Slashdot its feel, and all of its good and bad points.

      Think of this site like Community TV - it has corporate sponsors, but everything else is a couple of guys who like Star Wars, Legos and xchat. CmdrTaco and Hemos and a few others get paid, but other than one person (roblimo?) who was suggested as legal advisor, it's all just friends running their own site.

      No, Slashdot is not a media site any more than a random LiveJournal blog is a media site. It's a group of guys whose personal blog just happens to be incredibly popular, needed bandwidth, and got a company to sponsor them (with provisions that they retain all editorial control).

      There have, incidently, been a few user wipes - I've been using Slashdot longer than my rather high uin might suggest (since after the most recent user wipe, I didn't bother making an account for awhile). This is one of the odder stories that has hit the site, but I kinda like it. And I want a couple of those monkeys (I'd open up the box and make new costumes for them, though).

      --
      Evan (no reference)

      • Seriously.

      • So does that mean jamie, roblimo, purge, michael, timothy, and jonkatz are all friends with Taco & Hemos?

        I've been reading slash since either 97 or 98 (can't remember which). Lately (well, for quite a few months lately) there's been too many political & legal topics, and not enough geek.
        • Jon Katz seems to be some alter-ego Taco or somebody dreamed up. Otherwise he is really not pulling his weight lately. :)
        • Jamie, pudge, michael, and timothy, I believe are. Two or three other editors got accounts by being behind the scenes perl gurus working on Slashcode, but both seldom post any stories, and I'm not even sure how connected to Slashdot they are nowadays. There's an interview with Roblimo, or he wrote a bit about when he came in (this was during the Andover purchace, IIRC). At least I *think* it was him - as I said before, I may be confusing him with somebody else. Regardless, there was somebody who came on at that time to provide somebody for Taco et al to use as a resource should Slashdot get served papers for something they posted. As for JonKatz, he's an author who keeps submitting stories. Same deal with how Chrisd got involved with Slashdot, I believe... he kept doing book reviews, etc., and either offered or was asked to take over the polls (which at the time rotated once every four months or so). At that point (or thereabouts), he became an editor and started posting stories directly from time to time.

          Most recent "Slashdot stories" have to do with the moderation system, but you can dig back to when they got bought by Andover and find some good stories about how things work - they have changed since then (people have moved to different states, etc), but the basics are similar. You can also hit up Geeks in Space, the radio show that Taco, Hemos and CowboyNeal did until fairly recently (killed by the aforementioned moves), they mention little bits here and there about what it's like being an editor, what they do, and shows their character - pretty much a group of geeks hanging out, content to let {Andover, ..., VA Software} handle the mechanics of money and such while they post cool stuff to Slashdot.

          I have a strong feeling that the real reason apple.slashdot.org was created, for instance, is due to Taco marrying a Mac user. So quite a few decisions are simply based on what the editors are into and/or exposed to.

          --
          Evan (no reference)

      • Slashdot was created way back in 1996/1997. By the time traffic grew to the point where serious money was required to run it, Hemos (Jett Bates) took over as the guy who sold ads to advertisers. Ad money was fairly easy to get back then, so this worked out well. Their little company, Blockstackers, created the AdFu, Slashcode, and many other projects.

        Andover, a very respectably REAL LIFE publication with years of experience, noticed Slashdot and thought it'd add well to their Andover.net online version. So they entered into negotiations with Rob and Jeff. Around this time, Jack Byrar (one of the colunmsts of Andover, now working on Newsforge where I used to work) wrote some articles about Linux use that got the /. flame treatment. Which was ironic, as the Andover.net buyout thing was put up a week or so later. As Jack said, "don't mess with us -- or we'll buy you out ;)"

        One of the contract requirements was that the core (Jeff, Rob, Jon Pater) have complete veto control over everything. If Andover wanted Slashdot to change its layout, they had could say no and not be fired (or face any other negative reactions).

        But then VA Research (recently renamed VA Linux Systems) decided to buy out Andover.net and create OSDN. VA had owned the odd site (I know they had Segfault as an employee thing, but I'm not sure if they bought Freshmeat or Andover did, it's been a while), but they needed something to wrap around their Sourceforge idea (recently stolen from Bowie J. Poag, as Bowie tells it).

        Anyways, the integration of many, many diverse sites, each running their own homebrew perl or PHP code didn't end up working out as well as originally hoped. OSDN became a bigger and bigger bit of branding, but the sites themselves didn't support anything like single sign on (although cross-site searching works, AFAIK). Plus, when you think that VA's only big income sources were incredibly low margin hardware and Andover's online advertising, you see why they made some of the decisions they did in 2000 and 2001.

        First, they bought Linux.com, created Newsforge.com, and tried to make their dead-tree break with Open magazine. It worked out well enough that Open magazine broke even in the first year, but they needed to restructure seriously in 2001. They divested themselves of Open, and they divested themselves of some sites (like Kuro5hin, which I'm also associated with).

        Slashdot (and the rest of OSDN) started to get more invasive advertising around this time too, as a way of getting more revenue from advertisers.
        VA Linux Systems are basically a value-added Linux software for business systems company, with OSDN tacked on. How it will work out, I don't know. If they hadn't restructured in 2001, they would've been out of money by now. We'll see what their next SEC filling says.
        • You have a couple things wrong there, but I wasn't missing any details that you said - because I was (very intenionally) not talking about the companies, but rather the editors of Slashdot. The companies only come into it where they interrelate to the editorship.

          The biggest nit to pick about that is that Slashdot was one of the last Andover purchaces in their buying frenzy of sites, mostly software listing sites and review sites. They had a healthy stable of Windows freeware sites, reviewing sites, and clipart and font sites, most of which (imo), were crap. Winfiles.com and later on, nonags.com were far better than their freeware sites, and their clipart site was useless.

          But then, I didn't include stuff like that because that's not what my post was about - it was about how Chips and Dips turned into a site with a post about Fake Monkeys, and the people involved, not the (rather boring, imo) story of the corporate trading and shuffling. Taco's opinion on things is pretty much in alignment with mine - if foo Inc. goes under, where foo is the company owning/hosting Slashdot, things just move on. As long as foo Inc. can't place stories, who cares who the owner of the week of Slashdot is? Taco, Hemos and all might lose or gain on their paychecks, but it won't really affect the reader experience (unless bandwidth can't be paid for, but that's a pan-internet problems for all sites).

          --
          Evan

    • Going by this story, copious amounts of crack.
    • You are hired by OSDN, and approved by Rob Malda.

      Your money comes from OSDN, but Rob has complete veto power.
  • Can someone tell me how this fits under the catagory of toys?
  • Is this some prank to /. this guy's page?

  • Shameful (Score:5, Funny)

    by 0xdeadbeef ( 28836 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:36PM (#4258308) Homepage Journal
    It's a sad day in America when a man can't trust that his mumified monkey corpse impaled on a mechanical rig in the reproduction of an Arab smoking a controlled substance isn't the genuine article.

    • Re:Shameful (Score:1, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Oh look on the bright side!
      The success of these dry dead dessicated monkey mongers shows the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in America and that Barnum's dictum is as true now as it ever was.


      As long as these hold good, America can never be defeated and her best days are still ahead of her.

      • America being populated by suckers means that her best days are still ahead of her?

        I mean, I suppose that you can argue that "today isn't her best day", but...

    • Re:Shameful (Score:2, Funny)

      by Raiford ( 599622 )
      My monkey's a fake ! Damn, now I have to wonder about the authenticity of my wooden indian too ...

  • Huh? (Score:5, Funny)

    by jsimon12 ( 207119 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:37PM (#4258313) Homepage
    I am confused firtly, about how this is /. material, but I guess the real question is does anyone have video of the monkey smoking, cause that would really be a cool conversation piece, I mean what chick doesn't get turned on when she sees a monkey smoking?

  • Beware of Fake Monkey Automatons... (Score:5, Funny)

    by pergamon ( 4359 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:37PM (#4258315) Homepage
    ...I've said that many times

  • This is important to know (Score:5, Funny)

    by rakerman ( 409507 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:38PM (#4258328) Homepage Journal
    Because only genuine shrunken monkey heads come with an Evil Curse (tm).
    • Old man(solemn): But I should warn you, this item carries a terrible curse.

      Homer(concerned): That's bad!

      Old man(cheery): But it comes with a free frogurt!

      Homer(cheery): That's good!

      Old man(solemn..again): The frogurt is also cursed.

      Homer(concerned..again): That's bad!

      Old man(cheery): But it comes with your choice of topping!

      Homer(cheery): That's good!

      Old man(solemn): The toppings contain potassium benzoate.

      Homer(utterly confused):?

      Old man(impatient): That's bad.

      Homer: Can I go now?
  • jeez, and all this time i've been fearing REAL monkey automatons...
  • Slashdot Editors = Room full of monkeys pounding on typewriters.

    Hope this is what they do to the bad ones :-)
  • Everybody should be aware that the purported "antique skunk statue", which raises it's tail when a level is depressed, and is currently being widly distributed, is FAKE. There some similar items, but nothing of this description existed before May of 2001. BEWARE!

    The alert (hope it isn't /.ed into nothingness) [foxtail.com]

    Please tell everybody you know!!!

  • I guess this is an on topic story if only for all the comments of "What are those monkeys smoking?" directed at /. crew.
  • News for garage salers. Stuff that doesn't FUCKING MATTER at all to a small subculture of freaky linux types

    Do the monkeys run on Linux?

    WTF?
  • ... next time I'm shopping for bizarre shrunken monkey head antiques!

    Actually, fakes are very common in the antique world.
  • I think it's time to launch a new /. category - Monkey Automatons [greyst.org]!
    Seriously, how is this "news for nerds" or "stuff that matters"??
    • > Seriously, how is this "news for nerds" or "stuff that matters"??

      Nerds are into automata. The story would have been just as interesting if it was about authentic monkey automata.
  • Til the first virus/worm hits the fake automaton monkeys, THEN you'll be sorry!!!
    • yeah man, nothing worse than virus-infected fake automata monkeys. It takes a shit on your hardwood floor and then says:

      This is a excite game
      This game is my first work.
      You're the first player.
      I wish you would like it.
  • This is a perfect example of why Slashdot has jumped the shark.....watch it continue on a spiral down the drain. Half the articles here I've read before they're here....so much for a 'good' news...
    • Half the articles here I've read before they're here....so much for a 'good' news...

      You're bitching because you were already aware of the mechanical monkey hoax? Well, not all of us read the same boards, bucko -- for some of us, this is still extremely important news. You know, "Stuff that matters?"

  • News for Nerds? Oh yes. (Score:4, Funny)

    by wadetemp ( 217315 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:44PM (#4258354)
    1) Mechanical Music Digest: Ah, a publication about music. Does the monkey make music? Can we legally make copies of the monkey's songs? Is the monkey using DRM-enforcing mechanics? Additionally, this publication is about mechanics, and mechanics are cool (especially quantum mechanics, which the monkey probably uses.)
    2) warning: bug in the Monkey can share your files with everyone on the net
    3) automaton: Monkey Automaton vs. Grendel, dude. Bulldozer-like ramps beat pneumatic spikes 9 times out of 10.
    4) Magic: Gandalf has magic. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
    5) hanging on your wall: like my 80-inch plasma TV, baby
    6) 1879: 0x757 in hex, which is a palindrome. Both hex and palindromes rock.
    7) ... fill in your own reason why Fake Monkey Automatons 0wn j00 here.
  • Make a punch the monkey joke and win $20.

  • My mom said... (Score:3, Funny)

    by xenoweeno ( 246136 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:46PM (#4258366)
    ...I told you never trust a monkey! [nd.edu]

    The end.

  • Bizarre. (Score:3, Funny)

    by cascino ( 454769 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:47PM (#4258370) Homepage
    This has to be the most bizarre /. story since JonKatz's Message from Kabul [slashdot.org].
    • Speaking of which, did anybody ever establish beyond a reasonable doubt whether Message From Kabul was a hoax, embellished truth, or just a really strange set of circumstances that were mostly true?


      I remember at the time arguing that it was almost definitely bogus and wondering whether Katz was trolling us or whether Katz had in fact been trolled himself.


      This story on the other hand, is just grotesque.

  • Where's the foot icon? This has to be one of those irrelevant funny-ha-ha posts...

  • "Do not meddle in the affairs of Fake Monkey Automatons, for they are subtle and quick to anger."

    Oh wait, that's wizards. Nevermind.
  • All right, but in all seriousness this is a serious problem in our country. Stringent lobbying agaisnt tobacco companies has forced them to explore new markets.

    The result is that an increasing number of monkeys [shape01.com] have started smoking. It's very sad, even monkeys in captivity [murderize.com] are being targetted. As if this wasn't enough, Phillip-Morris has started it's own line of theatres [stlshakespeare.org] for monkeys...just to get them to start smoking.

    Now I know you guys are giving the mods flack for putting this article on front page...but there is a growing smoking monkey problem in this country. So can we please have some constructive advice on how to save the monkeys before it's too late [usatoday.com]?
  • ...as long as my antique talking fish is authentic.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by account_deleted ( 4530225 )
      Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • I'm so sorry but your antique talking fish isn't authentic [tvproducts4less.com]

        But mine sings "Oh Suzanna", and not "Pretty Women". Thus, it *must* be authentic.

        BTW, wasn't there a story on slashdot about a year or 2 ago on hacking into those singing fish?

  • It had to be said (Score:3, Funny)

    by Jonathunder ( 105885 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @05:57PM (#4258410) Homepage
    Just imagine a beowolf cluster of 19th-century hookah-smoking shrunken monkey heads!

    I'm at the karma cap--time to troll. ;-)

  • Welcome to Slashdot. This is stuff that matters.

    Now shut the fuck up. If you want serious discussion all the time there are other [kuro5hin.org] options [advogato.org].
  • My only question is..WTF?

    -Nano.
  • I want a sign for the front fence: "Beware of Fake Monkey Automatons". The house up the street only has pit bulls.

  • Suggestion: Think (Score:3, Insightful)

    by great throwdini ( 118430 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @06:06PM (#4258446)

    Suggestion to timothy and any other editor: if it's nearly impossible for a thread to contain interesting, insightful, or informative posts, perhaps you should rethink publishing it to the front page. Beyond a few wisecracks and a lot of (deserved, IMO) bitching, what else is there really to say about these... these... monkeys?

    Here are your mod choices for 99% of this stuffed monkey thread: funny, overrated, underrated, off-topic, troll.


  • Are you trying to tell me that my funky monkey is from a flunkey punky junky?

    Oh man! I want my blankey.

  • Isn't this a duplicate? (Score:5, Funny)

    by caferace ( 442 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @06:09PM (#4258466) Homepage
    I mean c'mon. This has been common knowledge since late March. Jeez.

    The level of professionalism around here has seriously dropped.

  • ..The brookyln bridge is not for sale, the beans aren't magical, if anyone had a method to beccome rich over night they wouldn't have to sell it for $50.. And last, but not least, there are absolutely no hot naked sluts waiting for your email.
  • If cinima and short story have taught me anything in life, it's that if you buy an evil looking monkey releated item you're going to get screwed in the end.

    Best evil monkey automaton sighting? My vote goes to "Merlin's shop of mystical wonders", as seen on mst3k. Even creepier than the monkey was the fact that not only the mother, but the grandmother as well thought an evil looking monkey automaton would make a great gift for an impresionable little kid.
  • [flamingmailbox.com]
    http://www.flamingmailbox.com/maccomedy/movies/b al mer.mov
  • It's too bad that the whole topic can't be moderated (-1, Offtopic).
  • ...in the White House, why bother with a fake one on the wall?

  • From the title of this article... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Rui del-Negro ( 531098 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @06:57PM (#4258663) Homepage
    ...I thought it was about Steve Ballmer.

    RMN
    ~~~
  • ...is not that someone is trying to scam buyers with unauthentic products. Fake Rolexes, junk laptops [msnbc.com] and a ton of other crap on eBay slips through the cracks. -1: Redundant. No, what I find truly disturbing is the fact that there are actually people interested in buying a product that contains a dead monkey's shrunken head. Eww.

    I think I'm gonna lose my lunch.

  • I want one (Score:3, Interesting)

    by xee ( 128376 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @08:43PM (#4259158) Journal
    I bet the antique market hikes up the prices of these wonders. I'd like a hookah smoking monkey automaton, but dont want to have to pay through the nose for an "antique". Anyone know where I could buy a mokey smoking hookah?
  • /. doesn't have to be all about file sharing and Linux distros. In my book the fine folks who collect these items are bona fide Geeks. It's educational to peek at the drama of their very different world.

  • Save the Musee Mechanique (Score:4, Informative)

    by Animats ( 122034 ) on Saturday September 14, 2002 @11:55PM (#4259758) Homepage
    San Francisco has a museum, the Musee Mechanique [citysearch.com], with some automata like this, real ones, along with a nice collection of mechanical coin-op musical devices. They're being pushed out by a renovation of the Cliff House, and there's a petition [petitiononline.com] to save them. Please sign. Thank you.

  • Belongs on slash. (Score:2, Interesting)

    by emkman ( 467368 )
    read the history of automatons [angelfire.com] and youll be impressed. Plus, its a monkey smoking a hookah, how can you not want to see that?
  • When you see the monkey, smack it! (TM)

    [SaveButt]
    * This comment is not affiliated to AOL Time Warner in anyway possible, by means of copy, automation, digital or otherwise, until the end of days.
    [/SaveButt]
  • Hey, as long as they can type...

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