What Vista Is Really Like

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful? That's Vista for you.

Oh for sure.

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

That happens to us all the time, and we slashdotters JUS DUN GIV A FUC. That's how badass we are.

Re:Oh for sure.

No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid.
Does he jack off while using Vista?

Re:Oh for sure.

>> No, I think the author *really* needs to get laid. Does he jack off while using Vista?

Personally, I find it unlikely that many Slashdotters are waking up with women in their beds, much less dangerous, beautiful ones

And if they do, my guess is that safety & predictability will be the last thing on their minds...

A better analogy for /. would be something like "Okay, you have a beowulf cluster of drives. Now the drives are Maxtors, and they're kinda flaky and a unreliable, but -And I can't emphasize this enough - you have a beowulf cluster of hard drives!

Re:Oh for sure.

Beowulf clusters aren't drives, they're for distributed processing. Bet you don't know much about beautiful and dangerous women, either. ;)

Vista Woman

Yes, she was beautiful last night when you were pissed up on booze, but now, laying next to her, you notice how her face is covered in oozing rivers of makeup, slowly melting and running down her face. You are disgusted by her foul, pitted skin and faint moustache effect. She yawns, and your face is blasted by an unholy, eldritch gas, you recoil and wretch, struggling to keep what remains of last night's kebab and chips in your stomach.

Terrified you slowly peel back the duvet to reveal breasts that are so small that sagging should not be possible; yet sag they do, with two terrible, craggly nipples point out in unrelated directions. You begin to feel faint, your ears begin to ring, but you cannot resist scanning down her fetid, clammy belly, to see the most rotten vagina that has ever blighted this earth. With lips twisted, gnarled and gaping, the stench is unimaginable; a mixture of stale kippers, mouldy garlic and fuming sulfuric acid, you are amazed that your sheets are still in once piece. Oh yes, you grab the hot sauce alright, but only pour it in your eyes so you can no longer see what lies before you, and force it into your nose so the odour can no longer torment you.

Re:Vista Woman

Allow or deny?

Re:Oh for sure.

Actually, its more like "what if you woke and found a strange and bloated woman in your bed, and she was irrational, unpredictable, and dangerous... and also a control freak? That's Vista for you."

Sexual fantasies over Microsoft Windows? This guy REALLY needs to get out more ...

Waking dream??

It's called a wet dream....

Re:Waking dream??

No, its called my PSYCHO ex-gf. Awesome in bed, but *shiver* psycho.... *shiver*
Kinda like when you've been tied up and she goes down stairs and you hear kitchen utensils rattling and this was just after Basic Instint (one, yes a long time ago).... *shiver*
Never again! I swore to myself, never again!!!! ... ..
.
Then I got married.........
*shiver*

Re:Waking dream??

on the contrary, this wet dream can give you infections.

Only...

The trouble is; she is "Britney Spears" beautiful rather than "Natalie Portman" beautiful. ...so you have to ask yourself, do I need baldilocks or do I need hot grits?

Re:Only...

I'm a overweight computer geek happily engaged in a stable relationship with a marvellous (and believe me, very hot) girlfriend.

Post pics or STFU ;)

Re:Only...

Yeah, I'll pass on "Brittany Spears" "beautiful." I prefer something more classically beautiful than trendy white trash thank you very much.

Oh Please

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

I'm gay. I'd panic.

Re:Oh Please

I'm gay. I'd panic.

Would you do Bill Gates? In his prime?

Re:Oh Please

He said he was gay, not desperate...

Previous versions

But will she go down on you as much as previous incarnations?

Re:Previous versions

I think that is concern in your eyes when she asks you if you would like to upgrade to her sister, with different capabilities, for a price. And then you realize what just happened.

Re:A beautiful woman?

The fact that she's crazy can be overlooked

      I wouldn't be so sure [wikipedia.org] about that...

Re:A beautiful woman?

Not to mention that vista is not beautiful visually or functionally.

Re:the comparison...

Personally, I like my women like I like my coffee ... cold, dark and bitter.

Re:I like my coffee

Lightly roasted.

Finely ground.

In puddles on the floor.

Full of milk.

My experience

I wake up early, on an angle, tucked into a large mass of flesh occupying the majority of my small bachelor apartment. As I look over at the walls, I see they are made of glass, and as I struggle to extricate myself from the monolith of apparent woman, so as to see the whole better, I hear a rumbling voice from within,

"DISPLAY PROPERTIES NEEDS YOUR PER-PER-PER-"

The whole building collapses.

A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer?

Why?

Re:A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer?

A LiveJournal Blog from a Bad Writer? Why?

I thought the whole thing was pretty self-explanatory...I mean, isn't bad writing why LJ exists in the first place?

I know that dream

>what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous...

and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

Re:I know that dream

and you reach down and discover she has a dick.

MS Help Line: "But, Sir, that is a bonus feature. We added lots of little extras so that everyone finds what they want. You don't have to use it if you don't want."
     

Yeah. . .

This waking dream has been making the rounds: what if you woke and found a strange and beautiful woman in your bed, and she was inscrutible, unpredictable, and dangerous... but oh so beautiful?

Too bad she's bloated and stops you a hundred times whenever you try to do anything interesting.

Are they even trying anymore?

Vanity article about Vista ... again ...

I'm not against Vista [though I am], I'm not for it [truth], I just don't care. Are we not yet over the novelty of Vista yet or what? It's basically Windows XP++, big deal.

Tom

Re:The irony is Linux is better looking

Not really -- the prettiness in OS X is used to make the OS easier to work, the prettiness there is pretty much useless -- the only thing I see as being useful is being able to drop something onto the dock from anywhere along the bottom saves the need to be accurate. This is one reason why vista got it wrong -- Exposé goes out of it's way to show you lots of stuff at the same time so you can make an informed choice. Flip 3D in the mean time may be prettier, but it goes out of it's way to hide everything except for one window -- it can't be used to make comparisons, it can't be used anywhere near as fast as Exposé to change windows. Bob

Hi I'm Windows Vista and I ..

Since we are anthropomorphizing and all ..

I'd say Vista is like a fat ugly lady dressed in very nice clothes. And, I'd say Vista users are like those people looking for a sugar mama going after glitz.

This is slashdot, wrong analogy

What you are describing is inconcievable to most of the posters. You might try: "imagaine a 16way AMD box, a real screamer for SETI, molecule folding etc., also fully modded to use the waste heat to make espresso but would randomly shock you and download kiddie pr0n without your knowledge'.

That might be something a slashdotter understands.

I'm from Utah...

I have many partitions.

I'd like to trade!

So. I have Vista installed on my home computer.

Can I trade it for that beautiful and dangerous woman you are talking about?

expensive whore with stds

so vista is like an expensive whore with STDs?

Sheesh..

You'd think that all these bloggers would accept the fact that Microsoft isn't giving away any more free laptops by now...

Kinda funny, but utter rubbish

Mildly funny, but why does the author go on a rant about viewing the screen resolution? For crying out loud, it's only 3 clicks away from the desktop. Ironically, exactly the same as in XP...

I propose a thread, OS as a woman.

Windows, pretty on the outside but further examination reveals that it is thick layer of make up applied to an old hag who there for everyone. She is set in her ways and getting her to do anything requires you to spend more money.

OS-X. Extremely pretty but deep down she is an mature lady with a lot of refinement. She however expects only the best so you better deliver. This baby is going to cost you.

Linux, the ugly duckling of the pack, yet she loves you completely without resevervation, she doesn't want your for your money or status. She is open and honest. And if you love her you can turn her into the princes of the ball but unlike the pretty windows, the linux girl stays true to you.

BSD, well, you seen dawn of the dead?

I am KIDDING!

OS/2 A loving hard working wive who raised the kids perfectly, kept the house in excellent condition and always prepared delicious meals followed by amazing sex, yet spurned for a 16 bit bimbo with 32 bit makeup.

Mainframe, you have to wait in line with the other johns, good service but you know thousands of others have been there before you.

Okay, I am out, your turn.

What Vista is really like

Vista is really like Rosie O'Donnell, fat, lazy, foul-mouthed, lesbian man-hater, ugly, eats too much, and has a loud mouth.

But Vista comes with beer goggles so that while it is Rosie O'Donnell it looks like Marilyn Monroe, and even though you know that is impossible, the beer goggles make you accept it anyway.

Not only that but Rosie O'Donnell came with an iron clad contract so you cannot fire her or use a different OS or use her in a virtual machine, in fact you signed it because it is the EULA and you thought it was harmless at the time, but now you are forced to have her running your life for you and accepting her upgrades (service packs) even if they continue to pack on the pounds on her and cause her to take up more room.

You think you got Marilyn Monroe, but you are stuck with Rosie O'Donnell.

Re:This description is far too vague

Does this mean we'll have to RTFA?

      Of course not. That would be cheating.