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Forbes' Five Worst Tech Jobs 150

Posted by michael from the dot-bomb dept.
santan writes: "We've all read countless stories describing the revolutionary and high tech jobs available at Internet startups nowadays but here's an article at Forbes listing the worst tech jobs out there. Some of them include packing dog excrements, chatroom monitoring and searching for the most disturbing porn on the net. So go to work next week with a smile."
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Forbes' "5 Crappiest Tech Jobs" More

Forbes' "5 Crappiest Tech Jobs"

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  • <RANT>
    Since when does "excrement packer" qualify as a "tech" job? I'm sure that if the company is larger than a dozen people, the packers of this sh*t (heh) don't/won't have technical backgrounds and don't have any tech-related responsibilities.

    PR also doesn't entail any technical prowess. The PR employees of .com startups use computers, sure. So do cashiers and telemarketers.

    Bicycle messengers like those who work for kozmo.com also aren't technical positions.
    </RANT>

    --------
  • I'll shed a tear for the poor ppl in the workd when I hit myself in the balls. I can totaly understand ppl complaining about tech jobs. I can a person complaining about a crappy tech job like tech support when they went to school worked their ass off only to see someone else who didnt make the sacrifices and get the experiance loss out on a better position bc some dicksucking corn shit licking fuck head MCSE got the job bc he had the money to go and take the training courses, granted this piece of shit doesnt know a damn thing but what was drilled into his head at the MSCE training classes but gets a good job anyways. I dont hate the ppl working in sweat shops and I dont grudge them at all, but I don't give two fucking shits about them just as they dont give two shits about me and would like nothing better to put a bullet through my skull bc im an american and supposedly cheated someone to get a to be born in this country. If these ppl want a better life they need to make their country a better place to live by adopting a better form of goverment and by educating themselves.
  • Congratulations, your mind has been completely destroyed, you actually ENJOY telephone technical support now.

    Some day you'll be the manager, and make a whole $40,000 a year until they fire you or you die.

    -
  • At least he got a cup!

    Why, when I was a kid, we had to follow the dogs around with our tongue, and do the drug test by taste.

    And the dogs ran through 10 feet of snow, uphill.

    -
  • You don't know what hard work is until you have worked on a dairy farm, milking cows without one of them fancy milking parlours with their automatic take-offs. No, you get to either kneel down on one knee or squat or bend at the back several hundred frickin times, alternating depending on what body part hurts the most. Oh, and cows are the stupidist frickin animals alive, skitish as sheep and weighing 1000-1800 frickin pounds. Oh, and they can KICK. Damn can they kick. Just ask my boss, his testicles must have reached some kinda world record size. Oh, and they SHIT. God do they shit. 30-60 frickin pounds a day a cow. Oh, and you haven't lived until you have artificially inseminated a cow (you have to insert your arm past the elbow into the cows rectum, to press down on the uterus so that the semen, at 20 bucks a pop, flows down into it), or cleaned out a cows infected uterus (PU!!!!), or had a slimy, slippery newborn calf flop into your arms.

    Please, dairy farmers are some of the hardest working people in this country, in one of the hardest businesses around: the family farm. My boss, who is also my second cousin, puts in an average of 15 hours a day, EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR.
  • at the place i worked at i had to go to the deli to slice meat every time the bell rang. To this day (a year later) i still instinctivly drop whatever I'm fucking doing and start walking someplace whenever i hear a similar bell, then it hits me....yuk.
    Nice doggy!!!

    -- Igor Pavlov

    --

  • My post was not specifically about telephone support. He seems to be intimidated by some technical problems. No matter what level support you provide, you need to be able to troubleshoot methodically.

    Don't worry about my technical future - it's in good hands :)

  • Pavlov would be proud...

    I never though about that...I have been totally conditioned just like a dog...DOH!

  • Amen, tech support can test the patience of Job some days and you get to meet some of the most amazingly dense people around.

    Worse yet is the fact that it is quite possibly one of the lowest paying "technology" jobs out there.

    I think I'm subconsciously paying penance for some tremendously horrible crime in a past life, because I'm still a tech.
  • Yeah, I have heard of it. I wouldn't have that kind of job.
  • You mean some people are paid to be a chat-room monitor? To deal with lusers who failed kindergarden, whose sole reason for existance is to make other peoples' lives miserable (and they defend their reasons, heavily!), to answer stupid questions on absolutely every topic, and to do it all with a smile?

    Damn.

    I knew I was missing something in my 30-hours a week that I administer Furrymuck [furry.org] .

  • Worst tech jobs. If it was for all jobs, janitor at an adult arcade would probably be number one.
  • Well, other than those virtual pieces of chalk they throw at you and ...

    oh, you mean the real job.

    In that case, a friend of mine does that for Adobe, and he seems to like his job, so maybe it depends on which chat room it is (e.g. the Jon Katz chatroom would be my personal idea of hell, while the Britney Spears chatroom would be ... oh, ok, so most of them would be pretty bad). Or which company you work for.

  • For all of those stuck in tech support jobs - you have to check out this site:

    http://www.deadtroll.com/stream.html

    and listen/watch welcome to the internet help desk - i guaruntee aching sides from laughing so hard - warning do not drink anything that you don't want coming out your nose - oj, milk, soda, beer, booze etc.

    btw - WHAT is up with Forbes showing a picture of a dog squatting to take a dump? Forbes?!?!

  • I can just see the monster.com commmercial now...some little kid saying "I wanna pack shit for the rest of my life"

  • Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:5)

    by Lemmy Caution ( 8378 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @10:51PM (#508819) Homepage
    Since when does "excrement packer" qualify as a "tech" job?

    Since Microsoft Exchange Server.

  • Worst is any job w a cel phone customers can call. (Score:5)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:16PM (#508820)
    I'm a programmer and I wouldn't mind the cell phone if all calls came only from other company employees, but dealing with the customer is Hell. And Mgmt, ahahaha, has decided that rotating the cell phone among the programmers is cheaper than a dedicated tech support person. Bastard!

    Because by the time they call you (1) they already tried to self diagnose and fix some problem and ended up screwing it up more, (2) are by now totally frantic, (3) don't have time to explain the problem to you, and (4) want it fixed now. On Sunday at 22:30, Christmas Sunday, while you're naked in bed with your SO. and (5) customers with direct programmer access will ask "when will you fix it?" I dunno. That's an issue for management to sort out. I'm working on other stuff and the customer suddenly thinks he's my Boss and can immediately reassign my duties? Fuck that.

    IMO, customers should never have direct access to the programmers. A buffer layer is needed. Programmers make for poor customer service reps, anyway. We know the software sucks, due to insane and lame requirements from the PHB, and aren't afraid to reveal truths that the sales guys would never dare reveal.

    They said cell phone support by the programmers would be temporary until another tech is hired. It's been 3 years now and no tech. I hate my job.

  • I don't think so... (Score:5)

    by Aix ( 218662 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:17PM (#508821) Homepage
    When you've roofed houses in Houston, Texas for fourteen hours a day in August (105 in the shade and 99% humidity) to make $2.00 an hour, ANY job with a ceiling sounds pretty damn appealing, much less a job with air conditioning or one that allows you to sit down.
  • I saw that comment and almost barfed.

    I started thinking - surfing for porn, and getting paid - must be for blocking software. But doesn't it seem a little disturbing that there are people who say "Yeah! I could get a job surfing for porn, so that it will be blocked by Company X's software - Gawd, I hate looking at porn, but THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!" - I mean, doesn't this sound a little "Jeckle and Hydish"? How can you be repulsed by something, but still take a job doing it...unless you really aren't repulsed by it, right? But then, the dilemma is that you are working to subvert your own interests... Or is that the reason - you like it (porn), but you feel you must do this to "cleanse yourself of evil" - to be forgiven.

    There is a name for that kind of behavior, and it isn't sanity...

    Worldcom [worldcom.com] - Generation Duh!
  • Why don't they change it to humanshit.com. Then they can sit on the can all day, eat, read comics and shit.
  • But it's not even close to being a Tech job. Which, in fact, is part of the problem we had a little while ago.

    --
  • That guy from dogdoo.com has made a TON of money. I mean, think of the all the business he has from me in terms of ex-girlfriends, college administrators... whoops.

    -
    -Be a man. Insult me without using an AC.

  • How is (Score:4)

    by myosin ( 214390 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:24PM (#508826)
    Browsing through (albeit possibly 'disturbing') porn a tech job? The only skill there is doing it with one hand.

    -----
    "Almost isn't good enough - but it's almost good enough."
  • I was a moderator for chats and boards at some very prestigious web sites and guess what? Every Mod I have ever known or worked with has worked from home. that's right, you can roll outta bed, never change your clothes, crank up the stereo, eat Cheez Doodles, play Tomb Raider or another game of your choice, hell you can pretty much do anything you want as long as you remember to say hello and goodbye to people. If someone acts up, gag them or kick them. It's a breeze. I made about 2k a month just sitting on my ass playing games and watching tv. The reason that many mods "can't spell" is because it's hard to type when you're holding a beer and a hoagie. It's ANYTHING but crappy. It's fun and easy. Moderating rocks.
  • If these ppl want a better life they need to make their country a better place to live by adopting a better form of goverment and by educating themselves.

    Like Tiananmen Square, 1989? My money's on the side of the ones with the heavy artillery...

  • I can't believe that Nike would force people to make their shoes at gunpoint! That's just sick and wrong, man! If they weren't being physically threatened to do such horrible work, they could get jobs at one of those much better paying local companies, right?

    Heard of some of the recent factory fires in Asia where the workers were locked in and couldn't escape? Your shoe dollars at work. These countries do have set minimum wages (very low ones, admittedly), but companies like Nike pay maybe 10% of that to a worker.

  • I HAD the porn job... (Score:4)

    by Shadowcat ( 56159 ) <kageneko&kageneko,net> on Saturday January 13, 2001 @11:01PM (#508830) Homepage
    I was in the security department of a certain company which runs free porn newsletters. We had a sponsorship program and my job was to browse the sponsor sites to ensure that they met our terms and conditions. This meant that I saw some pretty disturbing stuff... rape, incest, child porn, scat, etc. I saw things that could truly give someone nightmares. It was up to me to terminate the offensive accounts and catch them if they tried to sign up again. I liked my job. Saw some disturbing stuff, but also knew I was doing a service to others by catching it. A lot of it was sites outside the US because they don't have the same laws regarding it like we do.

    The popup windows were a pain as well. I got very good at hitting Alt+F4 really quick.
    --

    Shadowcat
    ealasaid@cybergoddess.net
  • Until further notice, all employees are required to be at their desk from 8am until 7pm, with 30 minutes for lunch. There are no exceptions.

    What wanker wrote this. I mean, sure, I can sit at my desk for 12 hours per day if that's what you want. Just don't expect much respect for the company, productivity and all that. Hell, 12 hours isn't too bad - there's lots of web surfing and emails to be done in 12 hours....

    If your start up company has lots of work to be done and is not doing well, it is entirely likely that not having people at their desks for 12 hours per day is just a symptom, not a cause. Shit like this is really good for giving start-up employees the motivation they need to build greatness (NOT!)

    Writing emails like this is indicative of someone who is deluding themselves as to the real reason their company is going under....


  • Believe me, you can see some VERY disturbing things. I was just laid off from that job because my company decided to go into non-adult sites and found that they are going under.


    --

    Shadowcat
    ealasaid@cybergoddess.net
  • That takes the cake for the best 'worst job' tale in this discussion.

    Now how come you didn't list this on your online C.V.? :)

  • Randal Graves: [reading a magazine] Have you ever wondered how much the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
    Dante Hicks: What's a jizz-mopper?
    Randal Graves: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off.
    Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
    Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
    Dante Hicks: I guess not.
    Randal Graves: Oh, it's great. There's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
    Dante Hicks: What kinda show?
    [Customer walks up to counter with a bottle of glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels.]
    Randal Graves: They do the weirdest, craziest shit you like to see chicks do. They insert things into any opening on their body - ANY opening.
    Dante Hicks: Could we not talk about this right now?
    Randal Graves: The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.



  • And the funny thing is, at least in my mind, that cringingfacelesstoady.com is available [networksolutions.com] as of 0836gmt, 14 Jan 2001.

    Who's gonna jump on that bad boy?

  • Great punchline. Perfect delivery. Topical and rings true. Very funny post.
  • What's the deal with this first post thing?
  • In deciding what job I've had that I've hated most, I had a limited selection to choose from, all my work experiences have been summertime-only positions. I think the worst had to have been a data processing company I worked for. For 8 hours a day, I would sift through forms, extracting all binding items (staples, paperclips, etc), placing batches of these forms through a large industrial size scanner, and then, from those scans, entering all the pertinent data from the forms into a computer. It doesn't sound bad, but it gets pretty damn monotonous after a few hours (which pass slower than any day in school you could ever imagine). Not only that, but my boss wasn't cool at all, and even when there was no work to be done, we would have to count, and recount, and recount again, stacks and stacks of these forms, no matter how many times they had been counted, just to have work to do. The only thing that made the time bearable was that 3 of my friends from school were working with me, eventhough most of the time they split us up. The only plusses I saw in the job was that it allowed me to skip eating dinner with my parents (always a plus), and it increased my typing speed by at least 10-15 WPM. I suppose you have to find the good in everything.

  • Hear, hear!

    I worked summers at the family ranch in Southwest Texas (between Del Rio and Sonora -- near a town called Juno, TX). Hot. Humid. (Not as bad as Houston, admittedly).

    The summer between 9th and 10th grades I was wondering what I would do with my life. I was bored in school and listless. Then I went out to the ranch and, for the first time, joined the working crew and built fence on a hill that was inaccessible to our truck -- meaning all our equipment and material had to be hauled by us each time we went to the site. (I still shudder when I see that hill). Anyway, that summer I decided to focus on getting a computer job -- because then I could be inside with airconditioning!

    True story.

  • Hell, I'd LOVE to have that job! I don't know what they're talking about, 'having to look at porn..' God, if I could get paid to do that..

  • I thought the worst tech job out there was a well paid position as a microelectronics designer in Oregon. It must be since I've been unable to find anyone willing or able to take up the job for bloody ages.

  • MyLackey.com doesn't even exist anymore (Score:3)

    by Kip ( 659 ) <kip@@@aadl...org> on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:27PM (#508842)
    They closed down this past October, even before this Forbes article which was dated November 27, 2000.

    I guess this is another example of how good the Internet research is at Forbes.
  • Those all seem pretty bad, yeah. But have the people at Forbes ever tried tech support?

    I would rather a week in Any of those jobs than a day in a " no Sir, We can't give you your money back because you accidentaly bought RealPlayer.(?)" or "No Ma'am i can't really stop your husband from visiting porno sites" or worse yet, getting emails saying "Help me! I can't send or receive email!" (I never really did figure that one out)

    The point is, there are a Lot worse things one could be doing that regulating a chatroom or packing dog poo. Techs deal with stupidity and shit every day.
  • Isn't AOL tech support and searching for pr0n on the clock the same job?
  • Porn viewing in and out of itself is a blessing to LOTS of people, and as for gross stuff, cops, doctors and undertakers probably see a LOT worse every day of their lives.

    I'm not so sure. There's some pretty intense stufff out there - things like goatse.cx, people tearing their gentitalia apart with hook [thanks to the person on IRC who posted that URL, people being raped or semi-snuff movies, and violence [cadavers after violent encounters] which is marketed and used by some peoplee as porn, Unlike a cop working a local beat and ancountering drunk teenagers and wife beaters, you can pretty much see the world elements of humanity.

    Just a thought. I still have a thousand times more respect for the cop, who actually puts himself in danger in dealing with these people. I just think the internet guy has [if he was *really* looking for it] seen worse. It being on screen [and possibly faked] does take some of the shock away though...

  • "If you really read the article, it says the reason that it was one of the worst jobs was because they had to look at the nasty images like the ones on goatse.cx and comp-u-geek.net. And sites that combine those with loops of moving javascript popup windows." Oh, they read Slashdot all day?

  • I've heard of this one (Score:3)

    by crayz ( 1056 ) on Sunday January 14, 2001 @12:10AM (#508847) Homepage
    "searching for the most disturbing porn on the net"

    Wouldn't that be the job of a Slashdot troll?
  • ftp://poopoo.ca.ca

    :)
    In the meantime, go watch the video here [goldenshower.gs]. It's NOT what you think.

    Pope

    Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is Strength! Monopolies offer Choice!

  • Most Disturbing Porn? (Score:3)

    by CritterNYC ( 190163 ) on Sunday January 14, 2001 @12:12AM (#508849) Homepage
    This is a job? At my last job, the guys did this every day. The challenge: find the most disturbing video clip of the day / week / fortnight / whatever. It was a hobby for them. So, every so often, you'd hear laughter or groans from the back room, venture in, and find a bunch of people crowded around a screen watching someone doing unnatural things to a horse... or a chicken.

    And just think... this could have been their actual job...
  • Imagine being handed some of the newest cutting edge technology, then being whisked to a foreign land, without notice, only to drag, haul, hurl, sail, or fly that cutting edge technology through snow, sand, dust, mud, water, terrifying weather conditions, etc. for an indeterminable period of time, praying that you do not die at the hands of the people that the cutting edge technology is supposed to help to defeat. This is what militaries do, have always done, and will continue to do so long as there are wars to be fought, and technology always has been and always will be developed in hopes of bringing a war to a quick conclusion.
  • It really boggles my mind, but in my experience this is more common than some would think. That being said... there are things that can be done.

    1. It's funny how battery technology is not very good. For instance, my (cell, pager, <insert demonic electronic device here>) battery often seems to "run out" once I hit the office door. It's the strangest thing.

    2. Every time you answer the (cell, pager, <insert demonic electronic device here>) take equivilant time off (multiply by 3 of course)

    3. If you get called DURING work hours for tech support issues you have an automatic excuse for not finishing your programming projects. Make sure to not finish the one that will be the most painful to your boss politically.

    It's amazing, but following these steps will either get you out of the support rotation or fired. Either way you are better off than where you are now!!
  • I worked as a security guard in a downtown SanDiego office building while going to college...

    There were several financial firms in the building.

    The people that worked there were the MOST ARROGANT PEOPLE ON EARTH. They treated you, women, minorities, or just about anyone without money like complete SHIT.

    Doing any work "for" these kind of people HAS to qualify as the worst job ever.
  • i did :)

    and i ordered a grande for that special person. delivering it all the way to Australia, with the summer heat... oh yeah.. should retain some moisture and get really stinky by the time they open it up :)) cannot wait to hear about there experience..


  • Well damn. Guess I forgot that the search pages time out. Oh well. It was the thought that counted, right?

  • By far, the worst tech job in the world has to be technical support, especially of products dumb people use. We've all heard the horror stories of people using their CD-ROM drive as a coffee holder, their mouse as a foot petal, or their floppy drive to hold business cards.

    If anyone out there works in this horrid businesses, my condolences and pity.

  • My favorite quote is:

    "The Internet is a big toilet," Milburn says. "If we had kids at home, I wouldn't let them use it."

    That's why we have moderators on SlashDot.

  • Hmm... "Two Weeks?"

    It's pretty obvious that the experiment in employee loyalty failed.

  • Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:3)

    by Primer 55 ( 263965 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:38PM (#508858)
    In my short 7 year work life, I've worked at McDonald's, and I've worked two different tech support jobs -- one at a rural ISP, another at a premium software company (among other factory/programming jobs), so I think I'm in a position to testify on the subject.

    Tech support jobs were the only jobs I was ever AFRAID to go to. To this day, I can't answer MY OWN PHONE half the time, because I'm sitting there wondering who is at the other end of the line, what they want, and how I'm going to fix it. If you have a lot of nontechnical friends, you know what I'm talking about.

    In front line tech support, most people learn out or burn out. The people who leave usually aren't cut out for it mentally, the rest of them turn into emotional wrecks like myself. Take a guess why there are so many damn stupid MCSE's?
  • ...it's right here. :-)
    CHAT ROOM MONITOR--This is a job that only a saint could love, and only a really dumb saint. Being a chat room monitor is like being a referee in a basketball game pitting inmates from the local prison against inmates from the local insane asylum. Ostensibly, your job is to ensure that a civilized level of discourse prevails in an environment dominated by perverts, sociopaths, lunatics, and teenage boys. It's like trying to referee a polite nuclear war.
  • GET A NEW JOB - Don't complain, I agree that sucks so do something about it!
  • I don't get it. A part of my job is to moderate the chatroom at Norway's biggest newssite, and it's fairly OK. It gets a bit boring, and you see a lot of strange opinions, but overall I have to say that I was surprised that the chatters stayed so well on topic and had sensible things to say. Here's the link to the site. [klikk.vg.no]
    Of course, even if the tolerance for radical opinions is high, sometimes we have to delete racist remarks, etc.
  • My favorite were the ones saying "Help, I can't send or receive e-mail" that had no e-mail address, name, or phone number. God loves an idiot.

    And since there are so many comments like "get another job" WRT tech support, I thought I'd point out that for many it's a good entry point into more technical jobs, and a good way to be near technical subjects to learn about them instead of going through more schooling. Those who can will (and often do) make the leap. Those who can't go into marketing.

    Boss of nothin. Big deal.
    Son, go get daddy's hard plastic eyes.

  • Michael Moore had a series called TV Nation, and he profiled a company in the (I think) DC area. What did they do? They cleaned up crime scenes (read: homicides)! The owner talked very excitedly about the best way to get brains out of a shag carpet and things like that. In his truck he carried around large containers filled with various bodily goo. When these were opened, the interviewer just about keeled over from the smell.
  • About twenty-four years ago, when the business I was running then went belly up and I was a teany bit desperate for cash, I took a job as cleaner at the local slaughterhouse. Wait, it gets better...

    There was a drain which ran from the part of the building where animals were killed through under the yard and out to the sewer. This drain was known as 'the blood drain' because what it carried was mostly blood... and anonymous bits of animal which got cut out immediately in the killing room because they might taint the carcase. One very hot day in July, the blood drain blocked up... and in the end I had to clear it by lying on my stomach in the yard, reaching up the drain at full length of my arm, to pull nameless bits of semi-putrescent substance out of the pipe with my hand.

    Nothing you ever do at a desk will be remotely as bad as that.

  • Of course that's probably one of the reasons the MyLackey.com annouced they were closing [nwsource.com] several months ago.

    "The company is laying off, our stock is in the toilet, and we have mandatory overtime?" (Mad dash to the fax machine to send out resumes)

  • I'll second that. Plus the job involved dealing with lawyers on a regular basis (since this stuff was evidentiary material) and the occasional IP case.

    I'd opt out of a job in computer forensics folks...

  • The only thing online about them is that you order them online. If this applied to phone orders, they'd say that Domino's pizza drivers had the "worst telecommunications jobs" in the industry!

    Forbes is just looking for ink and page views. Maybe the decline in dumb money will lead to fewer dumb articles like this ... well, maybe not.

  • Went there? I've ordered!
  • Ironically enough, the last company I worked for also felt that a cell phone passed from programmer to programmer was a good way to keep costs down.

    Your job is simply to prove them wrong. 3-4 seconds on high in a microwave is enough to fry the LED without causing any obvious damage to the phone. Though it will be hot for a bit so you might want to stick it in the freezer for about ten minutes.

    It takes a bit to get a replacement cell phone, and there is no way to easily prove what is happening. It's normal for cell phones that are passed from one person to the next to be damaged. The Cell phones are also under warranty so they would have no call to charge anyone for the fix. It costs them a lot of customer down time.

    My boss knew I was doing something to the phones, but since he couldn't prove it, and because he got stuck with the phone on occation too, it eventually just dissapeared.
  • ..and Jobs [apple.com] can test the patience of tech support [appleturns.com] too.
  • Well, at least in the US, less than 100 years ago, people were hung by the government for striking for an 8 hour workday. Don't turn back progress and make those lives meaningless....

  • I did after you provided the link. I'd like to know how they consider the output of their 110 pound dog Buster worthy of the term PooPoo Grande [dogdoo.com]. It's obvious that they've never had to deal with a well-fed Mastiff [mastiff.org]. There's a breeder in CA that has a 270 lb dog that could probably supply them with more crap than they could ever need.

  • well, i don't agree at all (Score:5)

    by small_dick ( 127697 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @07:44PM (#508879)
    no offense, but if the shit hits the fan on this economy, the average person will jump at the chance to hold an open zip loc below some pooches ass for $14 an hour.

    didnja ever read the grapes of wrath?

    since most readers are american, and living in the "american century", you really have no idea what it's like to watch people you love get turned into REAL WHORES or watch members of your family starve, die of diseases or get shot and robbed for what little they have.

    don't get me wrong, i certainly don't hope these things come to pass (again), but historically it's a fairly strong possibility.

  • Never thought I'd see this in Forbes (Score:3)

    by 0xdeadbeef ( 28836 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @07:49PM (#508881) Homepage Journal
    What is most appalling about jobs like these is that the employees voluntarily accept the abuse heaped upon them by their employers and customers, that the employees willingly agree to be treated like stooges, clowns, poltroons, and jackasses. We have not seen this before in America.


    No, previously the degree of voluntarily has always been such that is a choice between degradation and starvation or violence. He should save his shock and pity for the child who made his sneakers, not the voluntary whores of capitalism.
    --
    Bush's assertion: there ought to be limits to freedom
  • Tech support jobs were the only jobs I was ever AFRAID to go to. To this day, I can't answer MY OWN PHONE half the time, because I'm sitting there wondering who is at the other end of the line, what they want, and how I'm going to fix it

    Its a similar thing with me from when i worked in a grocery store. I dread going into any of themanymore and i'm so paraniod about some things. I ALWAYS check the dates on the stuff now, as when you work in a grocery store you get so sick of rotating the stock around(so that new stuff goes at the back) if you are at a near empty shelf with only stuff at the back or only a few stuff moved up, there is a chance it's been there for YEARS (trust me on this...at the store i worked in we had this 4 year old cream cheese and we placed bets on how long before we were caught leaving an old tub of it there, but some jerk ruined our fun by buying it).

    I never get deli meat anymore except from dedicated meat stores because they usually have clean hands all day. In grocery stores they just pretent to or only rinse because your hands feellike shit after washing them 30 times a day.

    at the place i worked at i had to go to the deli to slice meat every time the bell rang. To this day (a year later) i still instinctivly drop whatever I'm fucking doing and start walking someplace whenever i hear a similar bell, then it hits me....yuk.

  • Umm... I followed the link to the article, and there was no text. There was a header and all, and the page title was "Crappiest Jobs" or something to that effect. But the article was missing! I decided to view the source, and they seem to have forgot to put the article into their source code...Can somebody help me? Am I having a problem, or are they?
  • I'm sitting there wondering who is at the other end of the line, what they want, and how I'm going to fix it.

    You need some methodical troubleshooting skills. There is a learning curve, but once you understand the hardware, software and connectivity and how they interoperate you can handle ANYTHING. Start by narrowing the problem down to a few possible causes and eliminate each by testing. Don't worry if it takes a while - a good troubleshooter will be patient enough to work through the problem until it is finished. If your customer (or worse, your boss) doesn't understand this, don't get flustered. If you have to, you can always explain your methodology. If you have one, your boss will support you -- or if s/he doesn't, update your resume.

  • In that case, you're business is fscked. When I call tech support, I expect to be talking to a person in an office chair, who's got time to deal with my problem. Not intruding onto a programmer's private life. That's a pain in the ass for both of us. I expect to talk to someone who's prepared for their job, not just the guy who drew the short straw. I can understand why your customers are so annoying, they think "I'm calling a big business which has a bad manual" not "I'm in someone's bedroom". Damn, that must scuk.
  • I present my new startup, cringingfacelesstoady.com!

    "Yes, here at cringingfacelesstoadey.com, we offer you temps that will not only run errands for you, but also cringe when you hurls insults and large pieces of cookware at their head! Our faceless toadies go through an extensive 12-week course, where they learn to say things like "Yes, Your Magnificence!" and "I am unworthy of picking the scum between your most gangrenous toenails, Your Worship!" Think of the immense satisfaction you'll feel as your very own faceless toady scurries off to fulfill your every whim! And nothing beats the rush of screaming "Think! I don't PAY you to think!" at your very own temporary minion before emptying an entire pastry tray on their head! Our facless toadies have been employeed by some of the most dynamic chief executives in the U.S., including The Joker, The Penguin, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs!"

    "So don't delay! Expand your ego by abusing those contractually powerless to strike back! Go to www.cringingfacelesstoady.com today to find the whining, cringing, sniveling faceless toady of your dreams!"

  • Re:More on MyLackey.com (Score:3)

    by mmontour ( 2208 ) <mail@mmontour.net> on Saturday January 13, 2001 @07:02PM (#508902)
    Wow, what an ass. I know at least in BC, Canada, requiring people to work 11 hours a day with only a half-hour lunch break would violate the law, regardless if those people are salaried or not.

    Better take a second look at those laws. There's a special bit of legislation dealing with "high-technology professionals", that exempts them from many of the provisions of the Employment Standards Act. Take a look here [gov.bc.ca] for the details.

    I'm not sure if this particular example would be legal or not, but just about all of the other "overtime"-type regulations don't apply to "high-tech" workers. The idea is that your stock options are supposed to make up for all the unpaid overtime you put in, while your semi-literate CEO pulls in 6 figures for sitting behind a nice desk and watching his screensaver (and/or browsing porn) all day.

  • Hmm... job requirements? (Score:5)

    by Croaker ( 10633 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @08:03PM (#508905)
    You *have* to wonder what sort of resume you need to present in order to get a job as a porn scanner...

    "Have personally sampled over 10,000 porn websites in my 'research'"

    "I can instantly tell by a domain name if it will have porn on it or not."

    "I don't puke when I see that goatse.cx link that keeps turning up on Slashdot..."

  • Even more interesting is this version [nwsource.com] in the Seattle Times. It looks like someone decided to change "5:45" to "6:45" and "6pm" to "7pm". Given that change, it makes me wonder how much else of the letter was changed (as Barnicle claims).


    --

  • More on MyLackey.com (Score:4)

    by Craig Davison ( 37723 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:51PM (#508911)
    This is funny... Check this [fuckedcompany.com] out from FuckedCompany [fuckedcompany.com].

    Quote:
    Until further notice, all employees are required to be at their desk from 8am until 7pm, with 30 minutes for lunch. There are no exceptions.

  • Searching for porn... (Score:4)

    by xFoz ( 231025 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:51PM (#508913)
    Interviewer: "What's it like searching for porn?"
    Worker: "It's hard."
    Interviewer: "Your job is hard?"
    Worker: "No"
    Interviewer: "What's hard then? Oh...never mind."

  • Missed one... (Score:3)

    by zx75 ( 304335 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:52PM (#508914) Homepage
    Imagine... the high profile, challenging, and ultimatly rewarding job of Florida State Vote Counter...

    zx75

  • If you really read the article, it says the reason that it was one of the worst jobs was because they had to look at the nasty images like the ones on goatse.cx and comp-u-geek.net. And sites that combine those with loops of moving javascript popup windows.

  • Amusing yet disturbing (Score:4)

    by jbuhler ( 489 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @07:05PM (#508922) Homepage
    Note that this article is from November 2000. Since that time, of the two big dotcoms mentioned in the article, MyLackey has gone (as the Register so nicely puts it) "titsup.com," while Kozmo has pulled out of some cities and reduced its presence in others.

    Now these facts may just indicate poor execution, but perhaps, just perhaps, a company that routinely subjects its employees to the humiliation and lack of respect described in the article will eventually find that its primary asset - its people - have grown to hate and resent it?

    ObDogPoop: my parents own a veterinary clinic, so I received a comprehensive education during my childhood summer vacations in the gentle art of retreiving and disposing of canine feces. Yes, it's every bit as bad as the article suggests. It's a shame that I couldn't find a place for that on my CV...
  • .. I thought I should share my worst job experience. Before I went to work for GameSpy [gamespyindustries.com], I worked for Famous Players [famousplayers.ca]' Silver City Polo Park [famousplayers.ca] in Winnipeg, MB, and it was the worst job ever. Let me tell you why.

    Let's start with the physical stuff, and work from there. While I was working at Silver City, I was a member of the 'floor staff.' It's not as glamourous as it sounds -- we were responsible for cleaning up theatres and bathrooms. 'Pfft, that's alright' you think. 'Popcorn, drinks.. easy' Oh, yeah right. Over the 9 months that I have worked there, I've had to clean up many a puddle of vomit, blood, alcohol, and a used condom. And all that for minumum wage. ($6 per hour.)

    Don't get me started on the management. Favouritism ran rampant -- some people would get tons of shifts, while others would get one per week. In fact, that happened to me (one shift a week) -- I even wrote a nice long letter expressing my discontent, but it didn't help.

    So, that's MY sob story...

    ------------
    CitizenC
  • I used to work doing programming for dog tracks. There's a guy who gets to follow the dogs with a little cup on a stick for the drug test. THAT's gotta be a suck job...

  • Worst job for 1999-2000 (Score:4)

    by AntiBasic ( 83586 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @07:16PM (#508925)
    For the second year in a row: crack whore trainee.

  • What about Katz? (Score:4)

    by nurikochan ( 247910 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @07:16PM (#508927)
    Good thing Jon Katz didn't write this article. Otherwise one of the selections would be "High School Student"...
  • Why was tech support left off of the list? Some of you probably work in this field and understand where I am coming from.

    For those of you who don't know, you usually get to deal with many raving lunatics/knowitalls who do not take the two minutes to look the possible issue in their owners manuals. And yes, this is a daily occurence.

    Life is wonderful, I wonder if I too can aspire to become a lackey......

  • How about... (Score:5)

    by jeroenb ( 125404 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:56PM (#508933) Homepage
    ...running a cool technology-focused website with an interactive discussion system that is abused by hundreds of adolescent trolls that insult you, fill up interesting threads with garbage, exploit every possible hole in your system, put your e-mail address on spamlists, make bogus submissions, continually accuse you of conspiring with your employer and lots more?

  • Worst Job Ever (Score:5)

    by atrowe ( 209484 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:57PM (#508934)
    I keep having this recurring nightmare that I work AOL tech support *shudder*. Now that would be a horrible job.

    But seriously, searching for porn is listed as one of the worst. I've been doing it for free for years. I had no idea I could be getting paid for it.

  • Atlas... (Score:5)

    by pc486 ( 86611 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:58PM (#508935) Homepage
    They forgot the all horrible Slashdot Moderator job ^_^.

  • Uh, tech jobs? (Score:4)

    by British ( 51765 ) <british1500@gmail.com> on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:58PM (#508936) Homepage Journal
    Seeing is that when I was a teenager working at the teenage hell boot camp that is McDonalds, and then later doing tech support(in '95 and we DIDN'T have internet access),I'd say a bad tech job PERIOD is better than flipping burgers. Okay, except picking up dog shit. That's just inexcusable, and I'd hardly call that a tech job.

    Only in america can we have jobs involving "tech" and still complain about it. Beats working in a sweatshop for Nike, or picking rice somewhere in Vietnam.
  • "Brian Milburn, president of Cybersitter, says that one of the worst things about this job is stumbling upon sites featuring photos of severed body parts. Gross. "The Internet is a big toilet," Milburn says. "If we had kids at home, I wouldn't let them use it." " ------- Now you don't have to wonder why blocking software product are so screwed up.

  • Sixth Worst Job Is....... (Score:3)

    by BRock97 ( 17460 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @05:59PM (#508938) Homepage
    ... that journalist who has to write cute little Internet stories for online magazines. When interviewing folks from around the web, you can look no further then Joe Queenan, writer for Forbes. In an email interview, he had this to say:

    It isn't all that hard. Thank godd above that I can yuse Microsofft Werd to do my spell checkin. Oh, this intervew is for a Pro-Linux website? Well, I meant Star Office, er' KOffice, er, VI. LINUX ROCKS! If anything was difficultt, it was finding the picture of the dog taking the ****."

    How about the grueling demand of the all important deadline? When Queenan was asked this, he responded:

    What deadlyn? I have hat that stori bruwing for weaks.

    So, there you have it, the confessions from someone who works the sixth worst job in the Internet.

    Bryan R.
  • Thies jobs share a commen thread.. they are hummiliating..

    Let me give you an example of a low tech job that sucks.. mine... I'm a night watchmen at a recycling center (I'm available for employment BTW).

    Basicly people get angry at me for doing exactly what my boss tells me to do. I get insulted, threatoned and lied to.

    But it dosn't happen that often. Usually people just don't show up... It's pritty rare that I have any problems.

    When there are problems my boss backs me up 100%..

    Thats my job...
    Now... tech support... Now maybe nobody is threatoning the tech with phisical violence but they do scream yell and whine a lot. And while I deal with a person maybe once a month.. if I'm unlucky.. a phone tech gets a whinny person once a day if he is lucky...

    My job I do nothing for days.. pritty much.. So I get a jerk every now and then.. I can deal...

    BTW: My boss is basicly making my job difficult lately and won't even admit it. Small issues.. but enough for me to quit...
  • Personally, having a bad tech job currently (tech support) and a decent job immediatley before this (flipping burgers), I think I'm qualified to say I felt better flipping burgers for $6.50/hour USD than I do doing tech support for $10.30/hour USD.
  • of this summer camp I went to way back when. On this one island they had this campground of sorts with a primative outhouse, basically comprising a few sheets of plywood, built into a primitive toilet over a dirt ditch no more than 6 feet deep. One year a girl fell in when the plywood broke on her. Apparently she was stuck in there for 30 minutes or so before anyone discovered her. When she got out, she was absolutely non-linear....

    I can't even imagine. *Barf* Especially in the heat...ugg

  • Come on now... (Score:4)

    by Wire Tap ( 61370 ) <frisina@nOsPaM.atlanticbb.net> on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:03PM (#508950)
    ... admit it, all of you went to Dog Doo [dogdoo.com] after reading that article. You know you did!

    I did.

    *Backs away in shame*

  • What is so inherently online about those jobs? (Score:4)

    by dvk ( 118711 ) on Saturday January 13, 2001 @06:07PM (#508951) Homepage
    I mean, picking up what your dog leaves behind is done by (hopefully) most urban dog-owners.

    Porn viewing in and out of itself is a blessing to LOTS of people, and as for gross stuff, cops, doctors and undertakers probably see a LOT worse every day of their lives.

    PR flacks existed long before the 'net and probably were universaly hated by any techies.

    Chat room monitors is pretty new, but i'm not sure it's much worse than being a councelor in a teenage summer camp. Now, running Slashdot, that is likely a job from hell *snicker*

    And lackeys existed long before technology, never mind computers, even in US of A.

    Now, if you ask me, the worst possible job is a low level tech support for some financial company. Why? You get all the "benefits" of a tech support position, combined with being the bottom of the food chain for people who posess no technical knowledge (true for all lusers), proud of it (true for all lusers) and can fire you if they don't like the tone of your voice with one phone call (not likely in your average tech support position).

    -DVK

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