Forbes' Five Worst Tech Jobs 150
santan writes: "We've all read countless stories describing the revolutionary and high tech jobs available at Internet startups nowadays but here's an article at Forbes listing the worst tech jobs out there. Some of them include packing dog excrements, chatroom monitoring and searching for the most disturbing porn on the net. So go to work next week with a smile."
Uh, tech jobs? (Score:1)
Since when does "excrement packer" qualify as a "tech" job? I'm sure that if the company is larger than a dozen people, the packers of this sh*t (heh) don't/won't have technical backgrounds and don't have any tech-related responsibilities.
PR also doesn't entail any technical prowess. The PR employees of
Bicycle messengers like those who work for kozmo.com also aren't technical positions.
</RANT>
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Thats the choice they made (Score:1)
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:2)
Some day you'll be the manager, and make a whole $40,000 a year until they fire you or you die.
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Re:In the Running... (Score:1)
Why, when I was a kid, we had to follow the dogs around with our tongue, and do the drug test by taste.
And the dogs ran through 10 feet of snow, uphill.
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Ever have to milk cows? (Score:2)
Please, dairy farmers are some of the hardest working people in this country, in one of the hardest businesses around: the family farm. My boss, who is also my second cousin, puts in an average of 15 hours a day, EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR.
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:3)
-- Igor Pavlov
--
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:1)
Don't worry about my technical future - it's in good hands :)
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:1)
I never though about that...I have been totally conditioned just like a dog...DOH!
Amen (Score:1)
Worse yet is the fact that it is quite possibly one of the lowest paying "technology" jobs out there.
I think I'm subconsciously paying penance for some tremendously horrible crime in a past life, because I'm still a tech.
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:1)
Chat room monitor... (Score:1)
Damn.
I knew I was missing something in my 30-hours a week that I administer Furrymuck [furry.org] .
Re:I don't think so... (Score:1)
Chat room monitor ... (Score:2)
oh, you mean the real job.
In that case, a friend of mine does that for Adobe, and he seems to like his job, so maybe it depends on which chat room it is (e.g. the Jon Katz chatroom would be my personal idea of hell, while the Britney Spears chatroom would be
For all you tech support people (Score:1)
http://www.deadtroll.com/stream.html
and listen/watch welcome to the internet help desk - i guaruntee aching sides from laughing so hard - warning do not drink anything that you don't want coming out your nose - oj, milk, soda, beer, booze etc.
btw - WHAT is up with Forbes showing a picture of a dog squatting to take a dump? Forbes?!?!
WOO HOO! (Score:1)
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:5)
Since Microsoft Exchange Server.
Worst is any job w a cel phone customers can call. (Score:5)
Because by the time they call you (1) they already tried to self diagnose and fix some problem and ended up screwing it up more, (2) are by now totally frantic, (3) don't have time to explain the problem to you, and (4) want it fixed now. On Sunday at 22:30, Christmas Sunday, while you're naked in bed with your SO. and (5) customers with direct programmer access will ask "when will you fix it?" I dunno. That's an issue for management to sort out. I'm working on other stuff and the customer suddenly thinks he's my Boss and can immediately reassign my duties? Fuck that.
IMO, customers should never have direct access to the programmers. A buffer layer is needed. Programmers make for poor customer service reps, anyway. We know the software sucks, due to insane and lame requirements from the PHB, and aren't afraid to reveal truths that the sales guys would never dare reveal.
They said cell phone support by the programmers would be temporary until another tech is hired. It's been 3 years now and no tech. I hate my job.
I don't think so... (Score:5)
You hit the nail on the head, alright... (Score:2)
I started thinking - surfing for porn, and getting paid - must be for blocking software. But doesn't it seem a little disturbing that there are people who say "Yeah! I could get a job surfing for porn, so that it will be blocked by Company X's software - Gawd, I hate looking at porn, but THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!" - I mean, doesn't this sound a little "Jeckle and Hydish"? How can you be repulsed by something, but still take a job doing it...unless you really aren't repulsed by it, right? But then, the dilemma is that you are working to subvert your own interests... Or is that the reason - you like it (porn), but you feel you must do this to "cleanse yourself of evil" - to be forgiven.
There is a name for that kind of behavior, and it isn't sanity...
Worldcom [worldcom.com] - Generation Duh!
Dog Doo (Score:1)
Re:Missed one... (Score:1)
--
Dude (Score:2)
-
-Be a man. Insult me without using an AC.
How is (Score:4)
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"Almost isn't good enough - but it's almost good enough."
Chat Room Monitoring (Score:1)
Re:Thats the choice they made (Score:1)
Like Tiananmen Square, 1989? My money's on the side of the ones with the heavy artillery...
Re:Never thought I'd see this in Forbes (Score:1)
Heard of some of the recent factory fires in Asia where the workers were locked in and couldn't escape? Your shoe dollars at work. These countries do have set minimum wages (very low ones, admittedly), but companies like Nike pay maybe 10% of that to a worker.
I HAD the porn job... (Score:4)
The popup windows were a pain as well. I got very good at hitting Alt+F4 really quick.
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Shadowcat
ealasaid@cybergoddess.net
Re:More on MyLackey.com (Score:2)
What wanker wrote this. I mean, sure, I can sit at my desk for 12 hours per day if that's what you want. Just don't expect much respect for the company, productivity and all that. Hell, 12 hours isn't too bad - there's lots of web surfing and emails to be done in 12 hours....
If your start up company has lots of work to be done and is not doing well, it is entirely likely that not having people at their desks for 12 hours per day is just a symptom, not a cause. Shit like this is really good for giving start-up employees the motivation they need to build greatness (NOT!)
Writing emails like this is indicative of someone who is deluding themselves as to the real reason their company is going under....
Re:I'm sorry (Score:1)
--
Shadowcat
ealasaid@cybergoddess.net
You won. (Score:1)
Now how come you didn't list this on your online C.V.? :)
Well, according to Clerks the worst job is: (Score:1)
Dante Hicks: What's a jizz-mopper?
Randal Graves: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off.
Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
Dante Hicks: I guess not.
Randal Graves: Oh, it's great. There's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante Hicks: What kinda show?
[Customer walks up to counter with a bottle of glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels.]
Randal Graves: They do the weirdest, craziest shit you like to see chicks do. They insert things into any opening on their body - ANY opening.
Dante Hicks: Could we not talk about this right now?
Randal Graves: The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
Re:To compete with MyLackey.com... (Score:1)
And the funny thing is, at least in my mind, that cringingfacelesstoady.com is available [networksolutions.com] as of 0836gmt, 14 Jan 2001.
Who's gonna jump on that bad boy?
Congratulations (Score:1)
My 2nd... (Score:1)
Data imaging and entry (Score:2)
Re:I don't think so... (Score:1)
I worked summers at the family ranch in Southwest Texas (between Del Rio and Sonora -- near a town called Juno, TX). Hot. Humid. (Not as bad as Houston, admittedly).
The summer between 9th and 10th grades I was wondering what I would do with my life. I was bored in school and listless. Then I went out to the ranch and, for the first time, joined the working crew and built fence on a hill that was inaccessible to our truck -- meaning all our equipment and material had to be hauled by us each time we went to the site. (I still shudder when I see that hill). Anyway, that summer I decided to focus on getting a computer job -- because then I could be inside with airconditioning!
True story.
Porn Surfer? (Score:1)
I know the worst tech job (Score:1)
MyLackey.com doesn't even exist anymore (Score:3)
I guess this is another example of how good the Internet research is at Forbes.
on the other hand.... (Score:1)
I would rather a week in Any of those jobs than a day in a " no Sir, We can't give you your money back because you accidentaly bought RealPlayer.(?)" or "No Ma'am i can't really stop your husband from visiting porno sites" or worse yet, getting emails saying "Help me! I can't send or receive email!" (I never really did figure that one out)
The point is, there are a Lot worse things one could be doing that regulating a chatroom or packing dog poo. Techs deal with stupidity and shit every day.
Re:Worst Job Ever (Score:1)
Re:What is so inherently online about those jobs? (Score:2)
I'm not so sure. There's some pretty intense stufff out there - things like goatse.cx, people tearing their gentitalia apart with hook [thanks to the person on IRC who posted that URL, people being raped or semi-snuff movies, and violence [cadavers after violent encounters] which is marketed and used by some peoplee as porn, Unlike a cop working a local beat and ancountering drunk teenagers and wife beaters, you can pretty much see the world elements of humanity.
Just a thought. I still have a thousand times more respect for the cop, who actually puts himself in danger in dealing with these people. I just think the internet guy has [if he was *really* looking for it] seen worse. It being on screen [and possibly faked] does take some of the shock away though...
Re:Porn Surfer? (Score:1)
I've heard of this one (Score:3)
Wouldn't that be the job of a Slashdot troll?
Canadian dog shit archive (Score:2)
:)
In the meantime, go watch the video here [goldenshower.gs]. It's NOT what you think.
Pope
Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is Strength! Monopolies offer Choice!
Most Disturbing Porn? (Score:3)
And just think... this could have been their actual job...
Military. 'Nuff said. (Score:1)
Re:Worst is any job w a cel phone customers can ca (Score:1)
1. It's funny how battery technology is not very good. For instance, my (cell, pager, <insert demonic electronic device here>) battery often seems to "run out" once I hit the office door. It's the strangest thing.
2. Every time you answer the (cell, pager, <insert demonic electronic device here>) take equivilant time off (multiply by 3 of course)
3. If you get called DURING work hours for tech support issues you have an automatic excuse for not finishing your programming projects. Make sure to not finish the one that will be the most painful to your boss politically.
It's amazing, but following these steps will either get you out of the support rotation or fired. Either way you are better off than where you are now!!
Financial People (Score:1)
There were several financial firms in the building.
The people that worked there were the MOST ARROGANT PEOPLE ON EARTH. They treated you, women, minorities, or just about anyone without money like complete SHIT.
Doing any work "for" these kind of people HAS to qualify as the worst job ever.
Re:Come on now... (Score:1)
and i ordered a grande for that special person. delivering it all the way to Australia, with the summer heat... oh yeah.. should retain some moisture and get really stinky by the time they open it up
Re:To compete with MyLackey.com... (Score:1)
Well damn. Guess I forgot that the search pages time out. Oh well. It was the thought that counted, right?
Wow..it's hard to believe.. (Score:1)
If anyone out there works in this horrid businesses, my condolences and pity.
My favorite quote ... (Score:1)
My favorite quote is:
That's why we have moderators on SlashDot.
Re:More on MyLackey.com (Score:1)
It's pretty obvious that the experiment in employee loyalty failed.
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:3)
Tech support jobs were the only jobs I was ever AFRAID to go to. To this day, I can't answer MY OWN PHONE half the time, because I'm sitting there wondering who is at the other end of the line, what they want, and how I'm going to fix it. If you have a lot of nontechnical friends, you know what I'm talking about.
In front line tech support, most people learn out or burn out. The people who leave usually aren't cut out for it mentally, the rest of them turn into emotional wrecks like myself. Take a guess why there are so many damn stupid MCSE's?
They didn't forget... (Score:2)
Re:Worst is any job w a cel phone customers can ca (Score:1)
Chatroom moderator ...bad? (Score:1)
Of course, even if the tolerance for radical opinions is high, sometimes we have to delete racist remarks, etc.
Re:on the other hand.... (Score:1)
And since there are so many comments like "get another job" WRT tech support, I thought I'd point out that for many it's a good entry point into more technical jobs, and a good way to be near technical subjects to learn about them instead of going through more schooling. Those who can will (and often do) make the leap. Those who can't go into marketing.
Boss of nothin. Big deal.
Son, go get daddy's hard plastic eyes.
Worst job I ever saw (Score:1)
I'll see your bad job, and raise you... (Score:4)
There was a drain which ran from the part of the building where animals were killed through under the yard and out to the sewer. This drain was known as 'the blood drain' because what it carried was mostly blood... and anonymous bits of animal which got cut out immediately in the killing room because they might taint the carcase. One very hot day in July, the blood drain blocked up... and in the end I had to clear it by lying on my stomach in the yard, reaching up the drain at full length of my arm, to pull nameless bits of semi-putrescent substance out of the pipe with my hand.
Nothing you ever do at a desk will be remotely as bad as that.
Re:More on MyLackey.com (Score:1)
"The company is laying off, our stock is in the toilet, and we have mandatory overtime?" (Mad dash to the fax machine to send out resumes)
Re:Child Porn (Score:1)
I'd opt out of a job in computer forensics folks...
Not "Tech Jobs" at all! (Score:2)
Forbes is just looking for ink and page views. Maybe the decline in dumb money will lead to fewer dumb articles like this ... well, maybe not.
Re:Come on now... (Score:1)
Microwaves and Cell phones don't mix. (Score:1)
Your job is simply to prove them wrong. 3-4 seconds on high in a microwave is enough to fry the LED without causing any obvious damage to the phone. Though it will be hot for a bit so you might want to stick it in the freezer for about ten minutes.
It takes a bit to get a replacement cell phone, and there is no way to easily prove what is happening. It's normal for cell phones that are passed from one person to the next to be damaged. The Cell phones are also under warranty so they would have no call to charge anyone for the fix. It costs them a lot of customer down time.
My boss knew I was doing something to the phones, but since he couldn't prove it, and because he got stuck with the phone on occation too, it eventually just dissapeared.
Re:Amen (Score:2)
don't let it happen again (Score:1)
Re:Come on now... (Score:2)
I did after you provided the link. I'd like to know how they consider the output of their 110 pound dog Buster worthy of the term PooPoo Grande [dogdoo.com]. It's obvious that they've never had to deal with a well-fed Mastiff [mastiff.org]. There's a breeder in CA that has a 270 lb dog that could probably supply them with more crap than they could ever need.
well, i don't agree at all (Score:5)
didnja ever read the grapes of wrath?
since most readers are american, and living in the "american century", you really have no idea what it's like to watch people you love get turned into REAL WHORES or watch members of your family starve, die of diseases or get shot and robbed for what little they have.
don't get me wrong, i certainly don't hope these things come to pass (again), but historically it's a fairly strong possibility.
Never thought I'd see this in Forbes (Score:3)
No, previously the degree of voluntarily has always been such that is a choice between degradation and starvation or violence. He should save his shock and pity for the child who made his sneakers, not the voluntary whores of capitalism.
--
Bush's assertion: there ought to be limits to freedom
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:2)
Its a similar thing with me from when i worked in a grocery store. I dread going into any of themanymore and i'm so paraniod about some things. I ALWAYS check the dates on the stuff now, as when you work in a grocery store you get so sick of rotating the stock around(so that new stuff goes at the back) if you are at a near empty shelf with only stuff at the back or only a few stuff moved up, there is a chance it's been there for YEARS (trust me on this...at the store i worked in we had this 4 year old cream cheese and we placed bets on how long before we were caught leaving an old tub of it there, but some jerk ruined our fun by buying it).
I never get deli meat anymore except from dedicated meat stores because they usually have clean hands all day. In grocery stores they just pretent to or only rinse because your hands feellike shit after washing them 30 times a day.
at the place i worked at i had to go to the deli to slice meat every time the bell rang. To this day (a year later) i still instinctivly drop whatever I'm fucking doing and start walking someplace whenever i hear a similar bell, then it hits me....yuk.
How About Maintaining Forbes.com? (Score:2)
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:2)
You need some methodical troubleshooting skills. There is a learning curve, but once you understand the hardware, software and connectivity and how they interoperate you can handle ANYTHING. Start by narrowing the problem down to a few possible causes and eliminate each by testing. Don't worry if it takes a while - a good troubleshooter will be patient enough to work through the problem until it is finished. If your customer (or worse, your boss) doesn't understand this, don't get flustered. If you have to, you can always explain your methodology. If you have one, your boss will support you -- or if s/he doesn't, update your resume.
Re:Worst is any job w a cel phone customers can ca (Score:2)
To compete with MyLackey.com... (Score:2)
"Yes, here at cringingfacelesstoadey.com, we offer you temps that will not only run errands for you, but also cringe when you hurls insults and large pieces of cookware at their head! Our faceless toadies go through an extensive 12-week course, where they learn to say things like "Yes, Your Magnificence!" and "I am unworthy of picking the scum between your most gangrenous toenails, Your Worship!" Think of the immense satisfaction you'll feel as your very own faceless toady scurries off to fulfill your every whim! And nothing beats the rush of screaming "Think! I don't PAY you to think!" at your very own temporary minion before emptying an entire pastry tray on their head! Our facless toadies have been employeed by some of the most dynamic chief executives in the U.S., including The Joker, The Penguin, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs!"
"So don't delay! Expand your ego by abusing those contractually powerless to strike back! Go to www.cringingfacelesstoady.com today to find the whining, cringing, sniveling faceless toady of your dreams!"
Re:More on MyLackey.com (Score:3)
Better take a second look at those laws. There's a special bit of legislation dealing with "high-technology professionals", that exempts them from many of the provisions of the Employment Standards Act. Take a look here [gov.bc.ca] for the details.
I'm not sure if this particular example would be legal or not, but just about all of the other "overtime"-type regulations don't apply to "high-tech" workers. The idea is that your stock options are supposed to make up for all the unpaid overtime you put in, while your semi-literate CEO pulls in 6 figures for sitting behind a nice desk and watching his screensaver (and/or browsing porn) all day.
Hmm... job requirements? (Score:5)
"Have personally sampled over 10,000 porn websites in my 'research'"
"I can instantly tell by a domain name if it will have porn on it or not."
"I don't puke when I see that goatse.cx link that keeps turning up on Slashdot..."
Re:More on MyLackey.com (Score:3)
Even more interesting is this version [nwsource.com] in the Seattle Times. It looks like someone decided to change "5:45" to "6:45" and "6pm" to "7pm". Given that change, it makes me wonder how much else of the letter was changed (as Barnicle claims).
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More on MyLackey.com (Score:4)
Quote:
Until further notice, all employees are required to be at their desk from 8am until 7pm, with 30 minutes for lunch. There are no exceptions.
Searching for porn... (Score:4)
Worker: "It's hard."
Interviewer: "Your job is hard?"
Worker: "No"
Interviewer: "What's hard then? Oh...never mind."
Missed one... (Score:3)
zx75
Re:Porn Surfer? (Score:2)
Amusing yet disturbing (Score:4)
Now these facts may just indicate poor execution, but perhaps, just perhaps, a company that routinely subjects its employees to the humiliation and lack of respect described in the article will eventually find that its primary asset - its people - have grown to hate and resent it?
ObDogPoop: my parents own a veterinary clinic, so I received a comprehensive education during my childhood summer vacations in the gentle art of retreiving and disposing of canine feces. Yes, it's every bit as bad as the article suggests. It's a shame that I couldn't find a place for that on my CV...
While Not A -TECH- Job .. (Score:2)
Let's start with the physical stuff, and work from there. While I was working at Silver City, I was a member of the 'floor staff.' It's not as glamourous as it sounds -- we were responsible for cleaning up theatres and bathrooms. 'Pfft, that's alright' you think. 'Popcorn, drinks.. easy' Oh, yeah right. Over the 9 months that I have worked there, I've had to clean up many a puddle of vomit, blood, alcohol, and a used condom. And all that for minumum wage. ($6 per hour.)
Don't get me started on the management. Favouritism ran rampant -- some people would get tons of shifts, while others would get one per week. In fact, that happened to me (one shift a week) -- I even wrote a nice long letter expressing my discontent, but it didn't help.
So, that's MY sob story...
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CitizenC
In the Running... (Score:2)
Worst job for 1999-2000 (Score:4)
What about Katz? (Score:4)
My two cents.... (Score:2)
For those of you who don't know, you usually get to deal with many raving lunatics/knowitalls who do not take the two minutes to look the possible issue in their owners manuals. And yes, this is a daily occurence.
Life is wonderful, I wonder if I too can aspire to become a lackey......
How about... (Score:5)
Worst Job Ever (Score:5)
But seriously, searching for porn is listed as one of the worst. I've been doing it for free for years. I had no idea I could be getting paid for it.
Atlas... (Score:5)
Uh, tech jobs? (Score:4)
Only in america can we have jobs involving "tech" and still complain about it. Beats working in a sweatshop for Nike, or picking rice somewhere in Vietnam.
Most telling comment... (Score:2)
Sixth Worst Job Is....... (Score:3)
It isn't all that hard. Thank godd above that I can yuse Microsofft Werd to do my spell checkin. Oh, this intervew is for a Pro-Linux website? Well, I meant Star Office, er' KOffice, er, VI. LINUX ROCKS! If anything was difficultt, it was finding the picture of the dog taking the ****."
How about the grueling demand of the all important deadline? When Queenan was asked this, he responded:
What deadlyn? I have hat that stori bruwing for weaks.
So, there you have it, the confessions from someone who works the sixth worst job in the Internet.
Bryan R.
Why are they "The worst" (Score:2)
Let me give you an example of a low tech job that sucks.. mine... I'm a night watchmen at a recycling center (I'm available for employment BTW).
Basicly people get angry at me for doing exactly what my boss tells me to do. I get insulted, threatoned and lied to.
But it dosn't happen that often. Usually people just don't show up... It's pritty rare that I have any problems.
When there are problems my boss backs me up 100%..
Thats my job...
Now... tech support... Now maybe nobody is threatoning the tech with phisical violence but they do scream yell and whine a lot. And while I deal with a person maybe once a month.. if I'm unlucky.. a phone tech gets a whinny person once a day if he is lucky...
My job I do nothing for days.. pritty much.. So I get a jerk every now and then.. I can deal...
BTW: My boss is basicly making my job difficult lately and won't even admit it. Small issues.. but enough for me to quit...
Re:Uh, tech jobs? (Score:2)
Heh, reminds me... (Score:2)
I can't even imagine. *Barf* Especially in the heat...ugg
Come on now... (Score:4)
I did.
*Backs away in shame*
What is so inherently online about those jobs? (Score:4)
Porn viewing in and out of itself is a blessing to LOTS of people, and as for gross stuff, cops, doctors and undertakers probably see a LOT worse every day of their lives.
PR flacks existed long before the 'net and probably were universaly hated by any techies.
Chat room monitors is pretty new, but i'm not sure it's much worse than being a councelor in a teenage summer camp. Now, running Slashdot, that is likely a job from hell *snicker*
And lackeys existed long before technology, never mind computers, even in US of A.
Now, if you ask me, the worst possible job is a low level tech support for some financial company. Why? You get all the "benefits" of a tech support position, combined with being the bottom of the food chain for people who posess no technical knowledge (true for all lusers), proud of it (true for all lusers) and can fire you if they don't like the tone of your voice with one phone call (not likely in your average tech support position).
-DVK