The 10 Lamest Game Consoles Ever 178
GameDaily has an amusing piece looking at the 10 lamest consoles to hit the market. Older flops like the Jaguar and Action Max join the new graveyard-bound contenders likes the N-Gage and the Gizmondo. From the article: "Ignore, for a minute, manufacturer Tiger Telematics' financial woes, the former executive's much-publicized, million-dollar Ferrari crash and the Swedish Mafia ties. What really irked us about the GPS- and Windows CE-sporting handheld (capable of playing games, movies and music, plus wireless multiplayer) was its sixth-rate software library and similarly styled functionality. Some hated on 2005's biggest portable flop for its abominable games, like Colors or Momma, Can I Mow the Lawn? We just dug the fact that even after dropping $229 on one, you'd still get hit with online ads three times a day." And they're going to re-launch it. Again! Have to love their enthusiasm.
Numero Uno (Score:1, Funny)
sup
Right back at yah. Love /b/ (Score:2)
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and an RF converter thingy from the famous bay area surplus house Mike Quinn's Electronics [imsai.net].
It had 40 different games, all variations of pong. It RULED my 7 year old world, because it was color
and the one at the Pizza place was black and white. It was probably a scrapped product that Mike bought in some liquidation.
My dad was always making cases for his projects, but for some reason this pong circuit board remained caseless
for it
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Paraphrase, for the link a'feared (Score:5, Informative)
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How do you play games on a text based web program?
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commodore_Amiga_CD32 [wikipedia.org]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atari_XEGS#Tramiel_E
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Despite this it did have some good games and the hardware was pretty good - although not ideal for a games console. It was certainly more powerful than the Megadrive or SNES though - 14MHz 68020, 2MB RAM, etc. Graphics-wise it was powerful, but not totally game oriented (for mid-90s style games).
I'd nominate the Amstrad GX4000
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The only extra the CD32 had was it's pitifully underpowered Akiko planar to chunky gfx conversion chip, which was supposed to help it with those new-fang
Pippin (Score:4, Insightful)
On the upside though, it had SCSI.
Jaguar (Score:4, Interesting)
I don't know if I would call the Jaguar lame. It was certainly unsuccessful however I remember going over my friends house to play it and it was pretty awesome as far as I remember.
On the other hand the NGage was a certifiable steaming pile of failure both financially and from a user's perspective.
The Jaguar _was_ lame. (Score:5, Interesting)
The Saturn, at least, started with a decent CPU and tacked on some support chips from their arcade designs... and there were some nice arcarde ports on that system because of it. (What they should have done is just figured out a way to take "Model-1" or "Model-2" and put it into mass production).
Atari was too concerned with catching up with the Jonses and totally discounted the impact of the PSX.
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Model 2 system specs [system16.com].
8MB of RAM was a lot back then, and might have been prohibitively expensive. The Saturn shipped with only 2MB. RAM was a big limiting factor on lots of home systems simply because how much it cost was quite disproportionate to the cost of a home console. This became especially true as most arcade games are/were shipped on cartridges where fast access allowed for lower
In Saturn's defense (Score:4, Informative)
Re:In Saturn's defense (Score:4, Insightful)
I would actually say that's true about the entirety of this Top Ten list. I was expecting to see some truly obscure and truly lame hardware on here, like Tiger Game.Com or Atari XEGS, but it was not to be.
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I also question that the Jaguar is on there but not Turbo Grafx 16 [wikipedia.org] or Neo Geo [wikipedia.org].
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This list is absurd and poorly researched (Score:2)
They left out plenty. This list is poorly researched and includes add-ons like the Sega 32X but not the Sega CD, the TurboGrafx CD or the Nintendo 64DD. Why not those? They were just as "lame".
It contains a reference to the licensed 3DO technology in the form of a Panasonic FZ-10 (The FZ-1 was the $700 version). It does not talk about the Nuon [wikipedia.org] DVD chipset. At le
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I saw this monstrosity set up at a walmart, Fully playable with the scan card laying about and though, I got a few minutes, apparently you need an hour to start playing, I left after 20 minutes without ever actually playing anything. (XMEN Fighting game, Graphics were late Genesis quality, Gameplay who knows)
You'd think it was loading off a cd rom drive from a 486 era machine instead of a 1 second scan.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do? [walmart.com]
Re:In Neo Geo's defense (Score:2)
you have the wikipedia link up so I'm sure you read the entry, but the NEO was hardly a flop. It was designed primarily as arcade hardware, and only got a "home" console release due to consumer demand.
For arcade owners, the NEO platform was a dream. Getting a new arcade game (and thus, the cabinet) used to run arcade operators 3 to 4 thousand dollars! After the release of the Neo Geo, new games could be had simply by switching out the cart within the cabinet ($100-$200 per cart) and most cabinets could ac
I don't think it even belongs on this list (Score:5, Interesting)
Admittedly, if you used it to play Tomb Raider or some of the other, more "popular" games, the user experience was less than satisfactory, but in the 2D arena, the Saturn stood alone.
Oh, and Saturn Bomber Man is the best iteration of that series, IMHO.
Re:I don't think it even belongs on this list (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:I don't think it even belongs on this list (Score:5, Funny)
There was Lynx advertising! What, you don't remember it?
A prototypical Late '80s Cool Kid (you know, sunglasses, denim jacket, neon Ocean Pacific shorts etc.) gets a hall pass from his teacher and goes to the boy's room. Once there, he passes a link cable under the wall to the adjacent stall, and the boys play an exciting round of Epyx's California Games. The realism is so amazing that by the time they're done playing, they are literally soaked with ocean water!!!
It was a brilliant marketing campaign that combined all the things that kids love: school, teachers, toilets, and getting drenched with water near a school toilet! I can't imagine how Nintendo was able to steal away the portable market with such unknown game IP as "Super Mario" and "Tetris".
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Really? Because I thought the SNES version (the multiplayer part, anyway) was pretty tight, but I never played the Saturn version.
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Re:I don't think it even belongs on this list (Score:4, Insightful)
These days I make fun of people buying the first to spend copious amounts of money on new consoles, but back then I wasn't married with kids, so $400 for the console, which inlcuded Virtua Fighter, was a no brainer.
I probably wasted that much in quarters in the arcade playing before it hit the console. And while it wasn't as pretty on the Saturn, it was very playable and VF Remix and VF2 were gorgeous! If Sega didn't give it up and start releasing VF games for other consoles, I'd never have sold the Saturn.
Now, 32X... THAT I can agree with.
As usual, for most of these consoles, it comes down to the games. Most game companies went where they thought the most money would be. For some it was simply a matter of crappy technology. My recollection was that the Saturn was hard to develop for at first, but Sega released some libraries that simplified the process - too little, too late. Once your console starts getting shunned, that's about the end of it.
Sega also stupidly rushed to get next generation consoles out before the competition. With how fast technology was developing and prices dropping, that was a fatal mistake... you'd figure you'd get the people that can't wait, but that's just not enough.
I guess it's easy to be an armchair CEO, especially when you have hindsight to look at.
It's funny... (Score:5, Insightful)
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Check it out [wikimedia.org]
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As for the games, do you happen to have an email address where I could contact you?
MOD PARENT "MICROSOFT FANBOY" (Score:3, Funny)
Re:MOD PARENT "MICROSOFT FANBOY" (Score:4, Funny)
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It's even worse than you think :-) The 3DO cost $700 in 1993 dollars. When you adjust for inflation [westegg.com], you find out that in today's money it'd cost nearly $1,000!
That makes a PS3 look practically affordable ;-)
What, no PopStation or other knock-offs? (Score:3, Interesting)
As for for the N-Gage, yes it is a lame console but the article doesn't mention the bizarre situation with the QD N-Gage. Yes, it removed sidetalking, but Nokia took it upon themselves to remove the MP3 function and also take stereo sound off the console. It didn't make any logical sense at all to do that, improving one feature but removing another couple.
32x didnt work (Score:1)
anyone ever get that thing to work?
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Damn, if I still had it I'd go back and play it just for closure.
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I believe the Atari 2600 [geocities.com] beat the 32x to the punch... (note to overzealous mods, I'm aware this is a hoax.)
In all seriousness, Doom had to be the most ported game ever. The Jaguar got a port in 1994, same as the 32x, the 3DO in 1995, The Playstation and Saturn in 1995 and even The SNES got a port of DOOM in 1996. All were arguably part of
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Pretty worthless console, although Shadow Squadron and Metal Head weren't half bad. It was great for one thing: Virtua Fighter. It was sold as a bundle with the console, and I remember picking mine up for $30 at Toys R Us. Saved me at least that much in quarters. ^_^
Although, my friend was kind of pissed when I got my 32X; he had originally paid $160 for his,
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CB (Score:2)
Confused? (Score:3, Funny)
3D0 (Score:3, Insightful)
3D0...they left out they did BattleTanx, which, sadly, was the last decent split screen tank games, all the way back on the N64 and PS1 days.
Electonic Quiz Book from 1970's (Score:3, Interesting)
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You had to enter the question number then hit the appropriate answer.
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Not enough space (Score:2, Informative)
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It was eventually broken though - whe
Short note about the virtual boy... (Score:2, Informative)
Nintendo did not "goof" by letting Yokoi "ship it". Nintendo forced Yokoi to rush it out when he was not even fully behind it himself, and then didn't back it up at tradeshows, leaving him out to dry. He ended up resigning shortly afterward, despite his amazing history there.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunpei_Yokoi [wikipedia.org]
An amazing man left with all the blame for a silly, marketing/product-placement-driven idea.
CDi (Score:2)
After that, it's funny to think that in 2000, my mom returned a DVD player that my Dad got her for her birth
7th Guest (Score:2)
Anyway, I used them once to play "Seventh Guest" (also a PC/Mac game) and thought it was pretty slick. At the time (this must have been 1992 or 93) I hadn't seen a game that incorporated that much full-motion video at that point, and found it fairly impressive. Alternat
For a "lame console"... (Score:2)
Besides, it is worth owning one for the VLM alone. When 5 years have passed I expect to pick up a
Sega CD? (Score:2)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sega_Mega-CD [wikipedia.org]
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Just my $.02...
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Your name wouldn't happen to be Jonathan Brandstetter [wikipedia.org], would it?
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Wither Apple's Pippin? (Score:3, Informative)
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Almost all from the 90's (Score:2)
Neo-Geo had badass arcade style games
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At that time frame, that was pretty awesome. If you had your memory stick with your stats on it from home, you could play your same character in the arcade.
IMO, most of the Neo Geo games sucked as they were all the same formulaic game.
Either fighting or a scrolling shoot em up.
Replace fighter and opponent graphics and you had a different named game but same gameplay.
Having arcade quality at home at that
not even wrong (Score:2)
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Take the 32X and Saturn off (Score:3, Interesting)
Maganavox Odyssey^2
Horrible. Horrible. The controllers were hardwired to the console circuit board in the first model. The games all stunk and used the same generic character sprites. Almost all the games were written by one guy.
Atari 7800
Backwards compatible with the Atari 2600 but it came out around the same time as the NES which outclassed it.
Atari 5200
Horrible joysticks. This thing had potential but Atari didn't know what the hell was going on.
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I think I date myself when I say I remember playing the odyssey.
Atari 5200 (Score:2)
I remember my dad replaced the side-buttons on both our joysticks (the orange, rubber buttons) with keyboard keys because the buttons wouldn't make contact anymore and were all smached in. The analog sticks worked OK, from what I remember. They also had a full, telephone-style keypad on them, which I think I used exactly 0 times while playing the system.
There was some awesome 3D space game, Star Raiders (I think), where you got to fly around to different star
Bad list or Bad title? (Score:2)
There was many failings with it but in theory they were one of the coolest ideas. A virtual Reality helmet? A Cd based system. Of course no one would ever want a optial disc for a System like the saturn would they?
What's the opposite of "lame" in this article? Cool? Are we going to say the PSX or PS2 is cool then? Is the Xbox cool or just fat? It's true the 360 oozes coolness, and the wii looks hot, but I really don't think those ar
PSP? (Score:2)
UMD? why?
what games does it have?
I use it mostly to watch tv shows and listen to music....
I don't think Sony had that market in mind.
Everybody forgets this little beauty (Score:2)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Amstrad GX4000 [consolepassion.co.uk].
Gizmondo ancedote (Score:2)
You should have seen his face 2 weeks later
Would have been a little ironic for Gizmondo (Score:2)
Considering how an Enzo got do its own little "Crash Party" but didn't get the Crashbreaker.
Whatabout (Score:2)
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I recall the Game Gear being a very cool system. I owned the original GameBoy and the original, VHS-cassette-sized Atari Lynx, and I remember wishing I had a Game Gear. At that time, the ability to play Sonic the Hedgehog on a handheld was unbelievably cool.
The Sega Saturn Appreciation Station (Score:5, Interesting)
I still play Guardian Heroes and Radiant Silvergun. Those games were great. SFA2: Zero was probably the best 2D Street Fighter ever. Assault Suits Leynos 2 is absolutely the best 2D side scrolling mech game ever made by the hands of man.
From the article:
I think that , looking back, a well executed 1997 2D game can still be played without making your eyes hurt, unlike most 1997 3D offerings. Poorly played Mr. Steinberg, and poorly written. The top ten list has replaced worthwhile game journalism and this is what we get, sales figures described as measures of lameness.
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Looking back, the games I liked playing more were on the Saturn (scrolling shooters, and 2D fighting games)... and as a result my PSX got limited play until a few decent RPGs came out... by that time the Saturn was toast.
The list forgot the Atari "XE gamesystem" with its grotesque buttons (pastel? Really?) and uneventful lineup (anyone with an At
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxpLi7k0FVQ [youtube.com]
What? No Telstar? (Score:3, Informative)
I know, it's a first gen console and we could list pretty much the first ten consoles out there as not having a lot of value but there was a cheapness to the first Telstar that I can not even explain.
MIcrosoft VIS: Lamest console ever in all respects (Score:3, Interesting)
It was a 286 PC crammed into a console. It ran "Modular Windows" - a version of Win3.x - which meant that almost any then-current software could be ported to it. This was Microsoft's first atttempt at entering the videogame/console market.
RadioShack sold them, Memorex gave it branding. MS provided the OS, and invited big publishers to release. They sure did - direct ports. None of the software was adapted for television, meaning that text was unreadable, and colors just looked wrong or shimmered off the screen. Single pixel dithering and single pixel lines abounded, but made most TVs "tear". The processor was terribly slow, as was the optical drive. The sound capabilities were horrid (think 1992 soundcard, then cheapened). The entire experience was totally inferior to older 8-bit consoles and the still-then-popular Commodore 64 - yet it cost an astounding $400.
In short, the entire thing was totally unusable. It had NO redeeming features at all.
They tried selling it for a while, but no one bit. I recall that total sales figures may have been hundreds, perhaps a few thousand. It was a huge, huge failure, perhaps the biggest one that MS experienced up until that time.
No one remembers, especially the lamo "journalist" that wrote that lame article.
Arcadia 2001 represent! (Score:2)
I'm sorry, but half of these don't come near the suckitude of the Emerson Arcadia 2001. [wikipedia.org] Not only was it technologically two years behind (a long time in that era), but whoever programmed the games must have been certifiably tone-deaf, because the sound is awful. Typical modern-system myopia.
Another one that should be on the list is the RCA Studio II. [wikipedia.org] Now admittedly it was only the second programmable console ever made (the Channel F was the first), but it had no color, no wired controllers (just two key
What an awesome article (Score:2)
Also: I thought the Sega Saturn shouldn't have been on that list. It was an epic system with some amazing arcade por
CD32 (Score:2)
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Commodore were collapsing before the CD32 hit the market. (One of the biggest reasons it failed in America was because they couldn't brin
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Perhaps you should get your facts straight before dismissing comments as 'nonsense'.
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and the mega CD, the CDi and PC CD-ROM drives were rapidly on the rise.
' backwards compatibility with A1200 and A600 was not an advantage, because Amiga games required a keyboard and mouse.'
both of which you can plug in to a CD32.
and you claim I should check my facts...
Im not trying to be nasty here but you are wrong, and it was nonsense.
Another candidate (Score:2)
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I had all the 1979 games and Sea Duel.
At that time, the competition were those Mattel and Coleco handhelds.
I remember anticipating getting the Star Trek Phaser Strike game as the movie was coming out as well.
That was probably the worst one of the lot.
I also remember thinking how awesome Sea Duel was because it played music.
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Hey, the Jaguar wasn't THAT bad.... (Score:2)
You left out Aliens vs. Predator (awesome atmosphere), Iron Soldier (a quasi-realistic mech combat game), and Tesmpest 2000 (still awesome after all these years). There were also some moderately decent arcade titles like NBA Jam Tournament Edition and Super Burnout to fill the gaps.
The two big things that killed the Jaguar were (a) it was designed to com