Chuck Norris Sues Publisher, Tears Don't Cure Cancer

Google85 writes "Chuck Norris sued publisher Penguin on Friday over a book he claims unfairly exploits his famous name, based on a satirical Internet list of "mythical facts" about him. The book capitalizes on "mythical facts" that have been circulating on the Internet since 2005 that poke fun at Norris' tough-guy image and super-human abilities, the suit said."

Looks great but

[BeoCluster]

Does Chuck Norris runs Linux ?

I'll try to get first post...

[ergean]

but Chuck Norris is already there.

Re:I'll try to get first post...

[FlyingSquidStudios]

Threads? When Chuck Norris posts, they're chains.

Re:I'll try to get first post...

[Soporific]

Well, if you can't see him you may actually only be moments away from death!

~S

Re:Good luck with that...

[xtracto]

by PhearoX (1187921) Alter Relationship on 09:11 AM December 23rd, 2007
Chuck is a fool to file suit unless this book reaches the point of slander.

Please, we should observe a minute of silence for Mr. PhearoX. As, calling Chuck Norris a fool was his last action in this world.

RIP

Re:I'll try to get first post...

[K. S. Kyosuke]

Chuck Norris does NOT post, the threads post to Him!

Except for Soviet Russia, where the second reversal makes things normal again.

Re:Good luck with that...

[LiquidCoooled]

Unless of course its actually true and he wants to keep it secret.

Re:Actually, I'm afraid, it might get all worse...

[Anonymous Coward]

You know why Justice is blind?

She crossed Chuck Norris.

Re:Good luck with that...

[aliquis]

"Chuck Norris doesn't bend for the law, the law bends for Chuck"?

Watch out!

[miknix]

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Re:You can't handle the truth...

[Anomolous Cowturd]

The truth can't handle Chuck Norris.

Re:Actually, I'm afraid, it might get all worse...

[weicco]

Well there's already a joke about it.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Re:Actually, I'm afraid, it might get all worse...

[Anomolous Cowturd]

I hear he's going to represent himself, since nobody else is worthy of the honour.

Chuck Norris...

[djupedal]

...generates his own gravitational field.

...doesn't bend spoons w/his mind - he shits them out, all shiny and new, as needed.

...once completely sucked a man's eyeball clear out of the socket during a fight in the Philippines - optic never and all. He then spit it out into his hand, handed it to the poor bloke and whispered "I'm betting you NEVER look at me the same way ever again, Hector!"

...was born a woman, but decided early on he liked the thought of having hair on his back, so he willed himself into becoming the man is he today.

...took-off and landed a shot-up Cessna that had lost its landing gear simply by sticking his feet out of the cabin doors.

...chewed his own hand off to get out of hand-cuffs during a hostage situation that involved migrating pygmies. He then sewed it back on, using hair off his back as thread and a straightened paper clip - he burned a hole in one end of the paper clip by stacking disposable contacts onto his left eye, while looking at the clip and staring into the Sun.

...once rode a motorcycle backwards uphill in the desert for thirty-five miles in the dark...blind-folded. Of course drunk and with a bladder full of oxygenated white wine.

...made long distance phone calls in the 1980's using nothing but his vocal cords to hack the tone-controlled switchbanks.

...invented OBEs.

Re:Good luck with that...

[PCeye]

Don't stay in the room eulogizing the late PhearoX too long... Chuck may assume you're also guilty by association and kick your ass.

Re:Idiotic

[childprey]

Personally I'd be happier if he remained famous for being the guy who got his ass kicked by Bruce Lee

I guess..

[deepershade]

..chuck norris can do everything except take a joke :)

Re:Good luck with that...

[budgenator]

PhearoX. is Mr. T in disguise and Mr. T can call anybody a fool.

Re:It's satire at worst

[nametaken]

OMG you're so dead.

Re:Good luck with that...

[Codifex Maximus]

The suit is already won... Penguin just doesn't know it yet.

Case closed!

[quick2think]

When Chuck Norris sues, he brings the verdict, not the charges.

Re:It's satire at worst

[Anonymous Coward]

Well, in the US he might have a chance with his case. Especially since he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't obey the Law, the Law obeys Chuck Norris.

Re:I guess..

[proverbialcow]

Pffft. Chuck Norris takes whatever he wants, including jokes.

Re:Watch out!

[PixelScuba]

I heard he's the only man to ever divide by zero!

When Chuck Norris sues...

[Vanyali]

...he doesn't need lawyers. He's his own lawyer, defendant, and prosecutor.

Re:Informative Troll?

[baboo_jackal]

Parent Moderation, 2007-12-23, 18:20 (GMT-1): 50% Doesn't know when to shut up 50% Whiny 50% About to get roundhoused in the groin by the entire model of what it means to be male

Re:It's satire at worst

[Anomolous Cowturd]

If all these anonymous cowards keep taunting Chuck Norris, he might have to break the internet's backbone.

Re:Good luck with that...

[bjorniac]

And he's pretty handy with computers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGBhnYA2h40 [youtube.com]

Good choice Penguin

[greg1104]

Had they instead tried to release a book based on the
Bruce Schneier Facts [geekz.co.uk], when they tried to print it they'd have discovered the text was encrypted.

Chuck Norris is a Wuss

[wk633]

Chuck can have his roundhouse kicks. Bruce Schneier is the /. role model of choice.

http://geekz.co.uk/schneierfacts/fact/921/ [geekz.co.uk]

Re:Looks great but

[Tikkun]

Chuck Norris would never run Linux, but if he did the license would change from the GPL to the CNL.

Why wouldn't Chuck Norris run Linux? Because he can just put an Ethernet cable in his mouth and talk directly to the Internet.

Re:I'll try to get first post...

[omnirealm]

> > Chuck Norris does NOT post, the threads post to Him!
> Except for Soviet Russia, where the second reversal makes things normal again.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

Re:Bill Brasky!

[The One and Only]

...and likely much further, to the dawn of boasting and storytelling itself. Ryan Fenton

Denny Crane!

Reversal reverses Russia

[Hognoxious]

In Soviet Russia Chuck Norris overthrows the evil godless commies (by like kicking them and stuff, a lot) thus causing it to paradoxically not be Soviet any longer, but to be free.

So: with Chuck Norris, Russian reversal reverses Russia!

How the conversation must have gone...

[Cervantes]

Here's how the conversation at the publisher must have gone:

"Hey, Jim, did you see this funny Chuck Norris shit on the internet?"
"Yeah Bob, I did, it's funny shit. Let's turn it into a book and sell it!"
"Awesome, it will be the best Chuck Norris book ever! Hey, do you think we should ask Chuck Norris if we can publish a Chuck Norris book?"
"Nah, fuck him, what's he gonna do?"

(sadly, these were the last words Jim and Bob ever spoke. Bob blinks that he's very, very sorry. The doctors think Jim is blinking too, but no-one wants to look into his arse to find out.)

Other favorites--

[bdjacobson]

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
-Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Doesn't even need an ethernet cable

[empaler]

He just stares at the screen. The internet won't dare not turn up, even if the screen isn't even powered. Or working.