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Tux Works for Microsoft?! 212

Jadecristal writes: "From the contact info on the USB group contact page under Microsoft's record, one might get the impression that Tux worked for Microsoft. Perhaps he is being held against his will ... " Would any Microsoft employees care to disclose the whereabouts of a certain "Mr. Tux the penguin," and perhaps say which freezers he favors while in Redmond? Better yet, would any Microsoft employees like to comment on how many internal-to-Microsoft servers Mr. Tux currently powers?
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Tux Works for Microsoft?!

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  • Right in their office! You'd think Bill'd come around and get pissed, but for some reason he doesn't. Maybe they just want to know their enemy, or maybe they're just using it because THEY LIKE IT. But if a microsoftie wants Linux, he gets another PC from supplies, gets a copy of Linux from whereever, and installs it.

    They're much less dogmatic about it then many NT shops. Or the sysop at my job, for that matter - won't allow any Linux boxes on his network unless all services are disabled and he has, in his own words, "exclusive root privilege".
    One would think that he'd never heard of a boot floppy. Maybe he hasn't - he's an SGI guy.
    He only puts up with them at all because some people like them for number-crunching, but he thinks open-source is too insecure to ever use for any type of server.

    But the NT developers team have Linux boxes in their offices. Go figure.

  • by Anonymous Coward
    Moderate this up!
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Usually "moderate this up" refers to the parent comment, but the fact that it was moderated up made it funny.

    Was the moderator justified in moderating it up?
  • (Same person as parent thread here. Just reading and posting from work. heh.)

    Actually, not that tempted most of the time. While it was cool to segregate my 100base switch from the corporate LAN and play around, Network Security generally frowns on sending unhappy packets around. And if you ever think for a minute that they aren't watching you, all you have to do is open NetMon from the SMS2 distrobution, and normally you'll at least get some email wanting to know WHY you've got a packet capture utility on corporate LAN. They are fairly protective of their assets. :)
  • by Anonymous Coward
    I hereby donate this /. account to Bruce Perens, in order that he use it to advance the free software dealie - I saw so much crap pretending to be him on the main page, I registered my own permutation of the name. So, Brucie, I now declare that the UID Bruce_Perins will not be your responsibility, unless you respond to this message and give me an address. If you do, I'll give you the password, elsewise I'll just keep the account dormant. Mmmmm.... grits....
  • Looks like some dude hacked their site and have cleaned it up before I got there!

    And I thought I was just stupid (I know that's leaving myself open for flames there, but what the hey?)
  • 1 word.... ROFTLWLMFAO!!!!!!!!! .. I am bustin up here!!!
  • Also, 1118 multiplied by 333/559


  • I don't see any mention of Tux, just Mark Williams.

    Interesting. This must mean that Slahdot is read in Redmond. And since this story's only been up for a couple of hours when I looked, is must be read with keen interest.
  • Yes, and it is also the case that the Dust Puppy will be helping him... I have recently removed this information from a reliable source.
  • Once again, repeat after me:


  • I wonder if this would be the same Mark Williams that used to distribute Coherent UNIX?
    Kinda makes ya' wonder ;-)

    Here is the result of your Slashdot Purity Test.
    You answered "yes" to 86 of 200 questions, making you 57.0%
  • Perhaps the policy of GPL-ing top-secret documents and spy communiqués should be reviewed and revised

    Ttttt. Don't confuse Rights and Opportunity. Everyone has the Right to copy, modify and distribute our top secret information. But if we're good, no one will have the opportunity. And if we're not so good and the information does fall into enemy hands, then no amount of weeping about bogus rights will save us.

    Of course, if someone does something wrong so as to access the information (such as breaking into our house), then we may legitimately prosecute them for this deed. But we may not prosecute them for having the information itself, or prosecute anyone else who uses it without having taken part in the possible illegitimate activities involved. If we want to secure some information, it is our duty to take appropriate measures; governments shouldn't interfere by granting "intellectual property" priviledges and otherwise asserting various "secrets".

    Justice is not concerned with the results of the various transactions but only with whether the transactions themselves are fair. -- F.A. Hayek, "Law, Legislation and Liberty", I.6.j

    -- Faré @ TUNES [].org

  • Klingon Lawyer: Captain Kirk to this day holds a grudge against Klingons! PLAY THE TAPE!

    Captain Kirk (recording): I can never forgive them for what they did to my penguin.

  • On the subject of impersonators Ender...
    What do you do when you find out that I've been using that name on Slashdot for a long time?

  • It is not uncommon for Microsoft Research to throw up non Windows servers for some reason or other. They had a Linux box running apache up for some time IIRC.

  • Weeeellllllll, they do have all of the free drinks you can handle, but I never saw any food in the freezers. That would have been nice though.
    Quantum Linux Laboratories - Accelerating Business with Linux
    * Education
    * Integration
    * Support
  • The interesting thing about this particular troll is that I think it might be a Bruce Perens comment generating Perl script. Dude - open the source, please!

  • Nope... but Kavi [] does. ;)

    "A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order will deserve neither and lose both."

  • Sounds like an idea for a new 3D first person shooter...
    Guns deposited by replicator... You are allowed to add imporvments so each generation of guns is better than the preveous...

    Call it OWD Open Wepentry Develupment :)
    Just a thought
  • --pathetic attempt at humor mode on--

    Well, that should take a while...finding an old pentium box -- that still works.

    Don't believe me? Think about it most old pentium boxes that were sold run M$ operating systems. And everybody knows that the best use for an old M$ operating system based computer is still Minesweeper. Which is a game, not work.

    --pathetic attempt at humor mode off--

  • They got him!!!! ARGH!!!!! -LLM
  • I'm sure it was all intended to be a silly joke which somehow slipped through.

    Don't know what the executives are going to say about this, though... ;)
  • Is this the real Bruce, or an impostor?
  • And disallowing <PRE> is a solution? For ascii art you could just as easily use . instead of space. However, for code and stuff not having <PRE> is a real pain.
  • Offtopic? OK...

    In case whoever moderated that is reading, that's the NEW contact information, replacing the news that Tux works for Microsoft. I suspect I wasn't the only person to post that news so I don't mind redundant, but offtopic? No way.

  • Well, that goes to show that someone at MS reads /. on a regular basis.
  • Well, If you run it on an old Pentium box it will work. Then: it will become 111, which is 666 if you multiply it by 6
  • evil empire
  • looks like a script...

  • Sorry, it has to be Katz.
  • ESR providing fire support? Well, maybe... but *I* am a U.S. Army trained Fire Support Specialist. Did fire support for a living for 3 years. Count me in! :)

  • This is not a JOKE! Did you read the source code for the page? Its a Visual Basic script that reads the information in your swap file and transferes it to the lab at microsoft. This way they can steal your OSS project that you are running. Just do an IFCONFIG and see all those extra packets running through your internet conneciton! I'm SERIOUS!

    Oh lord, I cant believe that I woke up this morning going to my router typing 'ifconfig' and seeing that there were a lot more packets transmitted than usual. I'm hopeless. At current count 187293100 packets.
  • Combined with the original story today i would suspect that this site has been quite hacked to death by now. I sure hope whoever hacks it that
    they quietly email all the relavent documents
    to the linux/*bsd groups working on usb support.

  • The OpenBSD Daemon Cop will supply a beat-down corps... armed with blowfish-hide covered batons.
  • Ok, in next weeks computer science class you'll learn signed and unsigned numbers. Any binary combination represents that many _states_ which can relate to any number/thing they wants. In this case there's no reason to hold a negative N numbers of bugs so you'd be much smarter to read the binary number off as a positive integer.

    Or unsigned, as #217 [] replied.

  • OSS Guns. No one "owns" them...
    Hmmm, brings a whole new meaning to recent discussions on GPL'd "hardware".
  • I don't get it. The page looks normal to me. What should I be looking for?
  • by iainh ( 67816 )
  • Fromt he sound of this discussion it sounds if Tux the penguin's contact details were given on Microsoft's details page. I think it's been updated: The only name I get is Mark Williams.

    Could someone please post or mirrror the content of the original?
  • Actually, IIRC they rank pages by pages that link to them. Content on the pages linking to the returned pages of the search will also be matched up against the search terms. (I'm betting the link text is given a high priority.)

  • 1st hit too. Probably google does these on purpose...
  • Are you thinking of sid=moderation []?
  • Okay, so Tux cheated us loyal freaks. Maybe time for a new mascot? [grin] j/k.

  • Well...

    Take 1118. Shift it right one spot in base 10 and we get 111.8. Multiply that by 6(?) and we get... 670.4.

    I don't get it.


    -- polish ccs mirror []
  • ARGH! That should be 607.8... Not enough sleep


    -- polish ccs mirror []
  • Naw, they are probably trying to take a new stance. Look, like the picked on good guy, sell more software. I don't know it might be a gamble but I think they see it as minimal.

    Although if it was someone just having fun......

  • Obviously, someone failed to smash the little Bill that stole the Tux out of the box in his X-Bill game, and this is what happened. Thanks to that X-Bill player who did not prioritize saving Tux over the other OS Logos, our favorite penguin mascot is now in the clutches of Microsoft!

    Anyway, If Coupland cops out of this OSS guerilla-style rescue of Tux (detailed below, the one where ESR provides cover), count me in. I want a piece of those MS bastards!

  • wanna give examples of these unfounded FUD stories?

    Perhaps Mindcraft? Oh wait, Linus alread acknowledge the problem (about the same time he announced 2.4 would fix all this and would finally be the killer kernel).
  • 65,000+ huh... Was that just the first beta, how'd they do in the others?
  • Check out the user name:
    Re:oh my gawd (Score:-1, Troll)
    by Bruce Parens ( on Tuesday

    Parens != Perens. It seems we have a real imposter here... though I have to admit it fooled me for a sec! =)

  • well, the code MS used to figure it out had a bug. They must've stored it as a integer rather than a floating-point.. :)
  • This sort of reminds me of the time when Tux was held for ransom by someone wanting the Linux q3test release. They even made a little graphic of Tux with a gun to his head, IIRC. Now that was a hoot! =)

    (I would post the link, but the server it was on is gone.)

    Pablo Nevares, "the freshmaker".
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Don't install win2k! Even if Tux dies, it's better to do as he would have wanted.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Go to Google.
    Search for 666.

    Can sombody explain this?
  • Once at the security office, Young and Coupland will release Jamie Zawinski, who will entice the guards to leave by offering them free passes to his nightclub (years of working at MS will ensure that they look angstful enough to get in).

    The Dimension X people will probably be in the right uniform already. (Before MS bought them out to prevent them from enhancing Java too much, was the alpha clique of alt.gothic.)
  • used to report that it was running Apache/Linux (by Netcraft). It was used to host "internal projects and specifications". All the information on it was unprotected, but it was next to worthless things. Now on port 80, it just redirects you to and returns an Unknown/Unknown reply.
  • The central MS Security office is in building 8 in the south east corner. I grew up 2 miles from MS, got in trouble a few times for using their athletic fields after we ripped up the local public ones playing pickup footbal so badly you couldn't stand on them. Actually their security guys were pretty nice to us most of the time. :-)
  • by QuMa ( 19440 )
    I'm not sure that's really what's needed, In my html guide it says TT just does monospaced, it doesn't preserve spacing.
  • Hot damn. A raid on the Evil Empire. I knew I left Dixie and came all the way out here for more than just the greenbacks.... sign me up for sniper duty!

    (you know, the truly scary part of this is that, if we really, really wanted to, we could organize and execute one of these little raids so fast Bill Gates' head would swim... vive l'Internet, ne-c'est-pas?)

    Tar Heels don't run, Tennesseeans always Volunteer, and every Georgia boy knows his shotgun. Woe be to he who crosses the man who's all three. -- me
    "And Texas gratefully remembers them all." -- Dillon Pyron, on t.p.guns

  • > hm. I wonder if MS has a 24/7 Slashdot monitor?

    Not unless they're secretly running some systems with 24/7 stability.

    (Sorry -- the devil made me say it!)

  • Bring along Signal 11 and a bunh of trolls as our rapid response team, so at the slightest sign of some motion, Signal 11 will write a long essay about how he agrees with whatever is being said, while the Trolls turn everything to stone.

    Maybe we could offer a naked, stone Natalie Portman in exchange...

    I can't believe I wrote that.. I've never mentioned NP in a message before! Ahhh... I feel the pull of the dark side!

  • Apparantly the joke's over. As of 7:48 am Wednesday 2000-03-01 the only contact information for Microsoft is Mark Williams.
  • >When Tux is located, he will be hustled into the
    >parking lot where John Carmack will be waiting to
    >speed away to safety at speeds well in excess of
    >140 mph.

    Dude, you forget:
    - Carmack will come in a special Year-2000
    limited-edition Ferrari Quakemobile

    - Ultra-secret virtual reality technology
    and some bad Hollywood movie producers will
    be used to bring to life the Doom Marine,
    the Quake guy, a few cyberdemons and imps
    and maybe Sarge and Slash for some Q3A
    action. And of course, they will run in
    Nightmare mode with cheats disabled.

    - Epic have promised to provide some Unreal
    engine leg-ups so that we can watch the
    whole thing in 32-bit color, 4096x3276@100fps

    - John Romero will provide backup as long as he
    can find that goddamn katana-sword-thing that
    he lost in his hair 3 years ago.

    - We are trying to contact friends at 3D Realms
    to ask our friend Duke to help in the
    ass-kicking ceremonies at Redmond. On a
    related note, Bruce Campbell will take some
    time out of his busy schedule to call up
    BillG from the M$ front gate and ask him
    to "come get some."

    As much as I could manage ... :)


  • An AC deep in bowels of the Beast wrote:

    And if you ever think for a minute that they aren't watching you, all you have to do is open NetMon from the SMS2 distrobution, and normally you'll at least get some email wanting to know WHY you've got a packet capture utility on corporate LAN. They are fairly protective of their assets. :)

    How VERY interesting. Seems they have less confidence in their own network security than they want the rest of us to have.

  • It's the Open Source Militia! Cool, where do I sign up?

    "A well debugged code base, being necessary to the security of a free operating system, the right of the people to use and modify source code, shall not be infringed."

  • OK, but how often are you tempted to test out the latest anti-Windoze exploit on every single Micro$oft box on your LAN? :-) (twinge.c comes to mind...)
  • "AC, linux is more important then you or me, or even Tux. There is only one thing we can do. We have to pull the plug."
  • Additionally, Tove will supply hand to hand training for the troops, and lead them into the building....
  • From the links on the page:

    Company Name: Microsoft Corporation
    Name: Mr. Tux The penguin
    Title: Linux Mascot
    Phone#: 555.1212
    Fax#: 555.1212

  • Just so everyone like myself that said "Hey, what is with this Mark Williams guy, and what does /. mean about Tux???" knows, the page has been corrected.

    I am sure news like this spread real fast and some M$ people were e-mailing the admin at

    Well, at least someone posted a screenshot here [].
  • I think number 65,000 originates from ignorant reporters -- the actual number is 65,536 --remember old good 8086? So it proves that M$ lies about they're using all HW resources as protected mode, 3DNow, MMX, etc., as we can see they even can't break real mode 64K bound!

    -- beginner thinks 1 Kb == 1000 bytes, master knows 1 Km == 1024 m.
  • Unless the new contact has some arcane connection to tux the penguin...the link has been fixed.

    Your Ad Here!
  • "Would any Microsoft employees care to disclose the whereabouts of a certain "Mr. Tux the penguin," and perhaps say which freezers he favors while in Redmond?"

    Damn, if I was Tux, I'd favor 'em all. Anyone who's been to the campus knows that Microsoft has fridges and freezers stocked with sweet sweet sweet (end Simpsons allusion here) free drinks and food! Who said Microsoft was all that bad? :)

    "Better yet, would any Microsoft employees like to comment on how many internal-to-Microsoft servers Mr. Tux currently powers?"

    Well, I'm no microserf, but a relative is...and according to him, Microsoft does have some internal R&D Apache-running Linux boxes. Even though this isn't internal, Hotmail is being powered by a Unix box as well.

    Now that's surprising!
  • Last time this surfaced on ./ the explanation was that Google somehow uses context from other pages that are linked to the result page. I'm not sure I understand how this works, but the expanation was that somehow there are lots of pages out there with 'evil' and 'satan' in the same part of the page with the hyperlink to

  • Tux with a gun to his head, and written underneath it: "BUY THIS OS OR WE SHOOT THE PENGUIN!!!!!!!" M$'s getting desperate...
  • I was oh what's the word...contracting at MS. I do AS/400 for that big three lettered company...Italian Buisness Men....There is a very large room at redmond that is full of Linux and Apple computers for the web site. Even the guys that work in the large room will not talk about the server to anyone. But just by looking at the monitors it is obvoius that they were NOT WindowsNT or simmilar OS's. The apple servers were that i biggest joke thought. At the time they were still not liking Apple very much...
  • by ESR ( 3702 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @09:26PM (#1236547) Homepage
    ...if there aren't enough Geeks With Guns alumni
    already volunteering, that is :-)
  • by PureFiction ( 10256 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:19PM (#1236548)
    Did anyone see their vendor ID #?

    Its 1118. As is readily apparent to anyone well versed in the satanic rituals, Shifted right by one in base 10, and then multiplied by 6 gives us.. *gasp* 666!

    Therfore, it is obvious that Microsoft is planning a cultish execution for our flightless mascot. Perhaps an infiltration is in order...
  • by cancrman ( 24472 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @09:04PM (#1236549) Homepage
    Who the fsck moderated this as interesting??

    Funny. Yes
    Insiteful. Maybe (leaning toward yes)
    underated. no not really
    interesting. WTF??

    "Hmmmm. Well tux how did you feel being trapped by the microsoft consort."

    "Well Biff it was a pretty harrowing experience. honestly I've got to tell you at times it was a very insightful experence. I mean these microsoft guys can do the ctrl-alt-del vulcan nerve pince with only one finger, ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Guess they have practice, if you know what I mean (Nudge, Nudge). I mean these microsoft guys guys are a hoot, you should see Balmer's Gates impression.....

    Oh I was trying to work overrated and interesting in there but you know what? 10 budweisers take there toll on the moter reflexes after a while. And its really not all that funny anyways.

    "That's all the recycling daddy can do for one night dear...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"


  • by Gen-GNU ( 36980 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:38PM (#1236550)
    OK...this is off topic, I know. Moderate it down if you want to. Probably a good idea anyway... Maybe it's cause it's late and I'm still at work, or maybe it was just one too many of these 'slashdot isn't posting what I consider news for nerds' posts, but either way.. here goes.

    Your ceaseless barrage of non "news for nerds" and non "stuff that matters" articles are driving me up the wall!@#!
    Jon Katz must go!

    Firstly, not that it really matters, but Jon Kats didn't post this article. If you want to yell at someone, at least pick the right person.

    Secondly, (and more importantly), no-one is making you read /. If you don't like the articles, don't visit the page! What stupid sick pleasure do you get out of writing 'this posting sucks'? You not only took the time to read the story, but more time to write your useless comments on a subject that you supposedly don't care about. Here's a thought...If you don't like the stories, don't come back. Or come back less often. If the people in charge of slashdot see the number of hits dropping, they will get the idea that a number of people don't like what they have been posting lately.
    Alternatively, you could form a well crafted letter stating why you feel that a certain story or type of story does not belong on slashdot. Send that letter as an email to Mr Kats, or whoever you feel is appropriate, and try to effect real change.

    Simply posting a flame message saying Jon Kats must go! is about as intellegent as selling winblows at a Linux conference, and is likely to be about as well recieved.
  • by thehermit ( 78428 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:20PM (#1236551)
    Looks like someone cracked into's member area and had some fun. USB's home page indicates that they're changing all members passwords as of today for "security reasons".

    Still, it would be nice to think at least one server in the domain is running a Linux kernel and Apache. You can just close your eyes and imagine the MS techies standing around the screen looking for NT server manager.....
  • by morkeld ( 104557 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @10:21PM (#1236552)
    Someone changed the site recently... guess they noticed the /. effect

    Contact Information - Press Contact
    Company Name Microsoft Corporation
    Name Mark Williams
    Phone # 425-936-1964
    Fax # 425-936-7329

  • by nicky p ( 106499 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:48PM (#1236553)
    i personally don't think they needed the help...
  • by CFN ( 114345 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:23PM (#1236554)
    Company Name Microsoft Corporation
    Name Mr. Tux The penguin
    Title Linux Mascot
    Phone # 555.1212
    Fax # 555.1212

    Those bastards! Thats it, the next kernel should be named Bill_Gates!!!!!!

    Sorry about the repetition. I just learned the hard way that /. does not support tags.
  • by SkulkCU ( 137480 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @09:03PM (#1236555) Homepage Journal
    I suppose by now it is now well known that Tux was actually sent in, and has been working as a spy. It is quite unfortunate (to say the least) that he was captured, but then again, I can't say I'm surprised it happened.

    Perhaps the policy of GPL-ing top-secret documents and spy communiqués should be reviewed and revised.
  • by herb__kornfeld ( 156457 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @10:26PM (#1236556)
    IT'S GONE (Score:1) If someone saved it please post a link..if you saw it but didn't save it, please look in your might be this : (all on one line!)

    find ~/.netscape/cache -not -type d -exec grep --with-filename [Tt]ux '{}' ';'

    Post this as informative...because it's a good tip about how to find stuff :) [ Reply to This | Parent ]
  • by hatless ( 8275 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @09:03PM (#1236557) is a BSD box (BSDI/OS, IIRC). Given the syntax of the URLs for drilling down to the contact records, it looks like the info might be in some sort of X.500-style directory, probably LDAP, or maybe NDS or Active Directory. Possibly with a default or blank Root DN password, or some other such dopey move.

    If I didn't have to get some sleep, I'd check to see if I could get to it on the default LDAP port, seeing as telnet is open on the box.

    The sysadmin there needs to be bonked on the head with a stick.
  • by Nastard ( 124180 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:16PM (#1236558)
    I just recieved a ransom note. It reads:

    "pleeze put m1cr0s0ft wind0ze 2000 on all y0r bawks3z 0r eye will k1ll tha p3nquin -mr gat3s-"

    I think it's Bill, but given the spelling and grammar, it may be our own CmdrTaco
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday March 01, 2000 @03:36AM (#1236559)
    For obvious reasons, I'm posting this as AC... :)

    I have to admit that the evil empire helps pay my rent on the 1st and the 15th of every month, but as I haven't seen anyone else step up and admit it, I will admit that I have a Slackware 7.0 box running on MS's network. The smb packages are your friend for connecting to domains and actually being able to get to all those nifty shares. :) People actually stop by my cube to talk Tux every now and then. MS isn't so anti-penguin as everyone leads everyone else to believe.

    MS even has a "Linux User Discussion" public folder in Outlook where the occassional question about "how do I get my box on the LAN, etc." gets fielded by several of us. If any other MS employees are running a box, we'd sure love to hear from you! :)
  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:18PM (#1236560)
    Remember the last story about the USB Forum? The one where people figured out various username/password combinations that had not been changed from the defaults...
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday March 01, 2000 @12:06AM (#1236561)
    I didn't think to mirror the content, but I did capture my Netscape window while viewing the unmodified Microsoft vendor page. []

    You can also get the TIFF file [] if you really want to see it in 24 bpp color.

    chahast at pangaea dot dhs dot org

  • by Skyshadow ( 508 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:47PM (#1236562) Homepage
    Fear not, citizen. The all-stars of the OSS movement are already planning how to save Tux from the clutches of Microsoft.

    Here's Plan 0.8:

    Jon Katz will disable the guards at the perimeter of the Microsoft compound, putting them to sleep with a lengthy rant about how the internet will end tooth decay.
    Bob Young and Michael Coupland will steal past the security cameras in the main lobby, which will be looking for long-haired, hippie-looking OSS hacker types rather than guys in suits.
    Once Young and Coupland have breached building security, they will ssh out and irc with Eric Raymond, who will be providing fire support from a hill overlooking the MS campus. ESR will use his first-hand knowledge of the buildings (gained in his visit last year) to guide Young and Coupland to the central security office.
    Once at the security office, Young and Coupland will release Jamie Zawinski, who will entice the guards to leave by offering them free passes to his nightclub (years of working at MS will ensure that they look angstful enough to get in). The three will then attempt to do something useful on the W2k-based security system, causing it to come to a screaming halt.
    When the building is secured, Linus Torvolds will be brought in to locate Tux (after all, Linus has the uncanny ability to always move in the right direction). While Linus and his henchman search for Tux, Richard Stallman will move into position to cover the escape with an rant which will cause money-grubbing shrink-wrap licensing capitalists to burst into flames.
    When Tux is located, he will be hustled into the parking lot where John Carmack will be waiting to speed away to safety at speeds well in excess of 140 mph.
    When the last OSS Team member has evacuated the building, the Slashdot contributors will be brought in to flame the building to cinders, finishing it off with a corosive layer of hot grits. The confusion this will cause, combined with Carmack's rather insane mode of driving, will hopefully buy enough time to secure Tux at an undisclosed (but happily fridged an herring-filled) base of operations.
    Possible bugs with this plan include both the possibility that Coupland isn't actually serious about the OSS movement and will bail at the first sign of trouble and the chance that JWZ will bail before the operation is concluded. Patches to these problems are welcome.


  • by root ( 1428 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:37PM (#1236563) Homepage
    Ok men, here's the deal. The FreeBSD guys will create a diversion by staging a protest near the main gate demanding a port of MS Office to their platform. Second, Slashdot's main page will have all links pointing to random locations within * The masive /. effect will keep the MS IT goons off balance, and distract corporate management. Third, every Best Buy store nationwide will be simultaneously littered with flyers caiming "Free copies of Windows 2000 to the first 100,000 callers to 1-800-MICROSOFT". This will saturate all communications lines into the complex.

    Now while MS is busy, the Linux team will enter the compound, crash the WinCE running microsoft's security alarms and door locks by setting the date back to 12-31-99 and letting the clock roll over again, or by installing Explorer 5.0 or better yet, AOL Titanium. We will then move to the freezer section where the penguin is being held, free him, and get out before the crashed windows machines catch fire and fill the building with smoke. Stallman, (yes sir!) if there's time, you will go to the legal dept's office and replace the MS EULA with a copy of the GPL. And Young (yes sir!) you swap out the Win2K master CD on the assembly line with a Red Hat 6.3 distro cd.

    Ok, break!

  • by Morgaine ( 4316 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:22PM (#1236564)
    Well, some mail does actually make it out of Redmond, so clearly not all their servers run NT.

    But alas the Penguin just can't deliver the goods when it comes to really demanding services like BSOD. And, contrary to the usual bad press about Windows availability, the NT-based BSOD service boasts a 99.9% availability record over 5 years, totally unparalleled in the industry. Try beating that, Tux!!

  • by dysprosium ( 12904 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @09:28PM (#1236565)
    Looks like someone managed to rescue Tux. And replace him with Mark Williams.
  • by zeke ( 17337 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @11:26PM (#1236566)
    So Gates has been misquoted all these years.

    "64K (bugs) should be enough for anybody."

    - B. Gates

  • by Harvey ( 22651 ) on Tuesday February 29, 2000 @08:16PM (#1236567)
    Who do you think was responsible for the 65,000+ bugs in Win2K, fools??? And now you've blown his cover!!!


"Oh what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face..." -- a prisoner in "Life of Brian"