Microsoft Rolls Out iLoo 419
TommyTyker writes "According to this CNet article, Microsoft is using England as a test bed for the iLoo -- a 'PortaJohn' that allows the 'user' to surf the net while taking care of 'business.' MSN is even looking at getting TP manufacturers to create some of their product with URL's printed on them. Pooptastic!" Life does not imitate the Onion. No, sir.
Those service calls... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Those service calls... (Score:4, Funny)
resource dump ?!?!?!
lamo!
Re:Those service calls... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Those service calls... (Score:5, Interesting)
Seriously though, would you really want to touch the keyboard? They'd need those paper toilet seat covers only for keybpards now.
Suck? (Score:2)
This Looks Like A Cool Product (Score:5, Funny)
Re:This Looks Like A Cool Product (Score:2)
So Many Jokes, So Little Time... (Score:4, Funny)
The article stated that MSN saw a decline of 300,000 users in the first quarter of this year. That's a lot of people shitting on MSN even without the deployment of MSN toilets.
This product opens up an opportunity for a whole new Microsoft slogan:--CTH
Easy (Score:5, Funny)
How appropriate.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How appropriate.. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:How appropriate.. (Score:3, Funny)
Anyone think of a better place to put www.microsoft.com than on a roll of TP? I sure can't.
peripherals (Score:5, Funny)
I mean, you could video conference via WiFi with other people in iLoos all over the world.
Hygiene?? (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah. That number 2.0 is a messy one. Especially if you've been eating corn and chili.
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:2)
the killer app for this thing will be the ability to log your... ahh... logs.
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:2)
the price of clean urine will double.
and drug addicts will start peeing in the sink.
The latest Archos products require no drivers (Score:5, Funny)
Just think of the possibilities! With a webcam, there could be a direct link to ratemypoo.com.
NYC Desktop. (Score:5, Interesting)
Well, popular wisdom has it that desktops in New York city and other big towns have more fecal bacteria than the toilets do. Most people continue to use their desks as a cafeteria tray. What's your problem?
Now that M$ has the abiltiy to track my goings, I fear they will close the loop and track my commings. Will the M$ office 2005 come with a cubicle with a mixed use seat/toilet, food and water tubes, and rollup bed? Don't forget the Xbox style PeeeCeee that I can't run that dirty free software on. Oh, paradise for the company man.
Re:NYC Desktop. (Score:3, Insightful)
rj
Re:Hygiene?? (Score:5, Funny)
and the next vserion will be labelled... (Score:2)
shizzle (Score:5, Funny)
Use shit... (Score:2, Funny)
Micro$oft TP (Score:2, Funny)
Blue Screen of Skidmarks? (Score:3, Insightful)
No, H. T. -TP! (Score:4, Funny)
(Actually, I'm quite impressed that they're doing this. It's a taboo that needs to be broken. There is plenty of freedom to innovate in this area! Good for them!)
Don't forget the iNax! (Score:3, Funny)
Here's [theapplecollection.com] the competition...
Mores sense if it was outside the loo! (Score:5, Insightful)
But it would be much better for the people waiting.
Re:Mores sense if it was outside the loo! (Score:2, Informative)
As opposed to... (Score:5, Funny)
As opposed to other MS products, which crap on you while you surf the net.
Re:As opposed to... (Score:5, Funny)
Don't worry (Score:2)
Re:As opposed to... (Score:3, Funny)
It's We-C-Pee/I-Pee!
here's a useful one (Score:5, Informative)
England?? No, Japan! (Score:5, Insightful)
England is their testbed?
They should be taking it to Japan, where toilets are already equipped with countless unimaginable electronic doodads.
Re:England?? No, Japan! (Score:5, Funny)
Pee (Score:5, Funny)
Yuck (Score:2, Insightful)
Secondly, I'd be disinclined to touch a keyboard in a loo under any circumstances, but even more so considering the pr0n-viewing factor. Nuf said.
A new golden age for.... (Score:3, Insightful)
think of all the pr0n surfing one could do at a iLoo.
Re:A new golden age for.... (Score:3, Funny)
Brings new meaning to the term "pop-ups"
All that R&D money (Score:5, Funny)
*wince*
Re:All that R&D money (Score:2, Funny)
Hamster
How would it BSOD? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How would it BSOD? (Score:2, Funny)
Trying to one-up Apple? (Score:5, Insightful)
Microsoft responds with a hygiene disaster, and a way to make sure there are a lot of people at public events banging on the doors of porta-potties and peeing their pants.
Way to go, Microsoft. You've hereby invented the WORST IDEA EVER. That's innovation.
From Microsoft, eh? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Crappy slogan..? (Score:3, Funny)
I can imagine the ads. (Score:2)
Using copywritten "open source" Sphinter Software you can now surf the net, while you preform a core dump!
Just don't try to upload to the system.
-jokerghost
Shit and do what ... (Score:2, Informative)
GIGO... (Score:2)
An online Starcraft RPG? Only at [netnexus.com]
In Soviet Russia, all your us are belong to base!
Re: (Score:2)
Brand association (Score:5, Insightful)
The Onion as the source of inspiration? (Score:3, Insightful)
My god. (Score:2)
Close.. (Score:2, Insightful)
How sanitary is this? (Score:5, Insightful)
Perhaps a better, cleaner idea would be to have a machine with voice recognition built in and no keyboard. One might have to limit the types of pages someone could view because of the limited environment, but I'd much more readily use that then ever pick up one of those disgusting keyboards.
Voice Activation? (Score:2)
Nothing new.... (Score:2)
Seriously... I think this is a good idea for toilets anywhere but those at festivals, or places where you can expect long lines. But having these at restaurants (nip off to the john to escape a boring conversation), at home (don't miss that last-minute bid on Ebay), or at work (forget bringing a newspaper, go for an hour-long Slashdot posting spree) would suit me just fine.
Putting another computer on the outside of this thing isn't going to help the
hour long? (Score:2)
Good god man!
Active Crapper Technology (Score:5, Funny)
"People who expelled the Taco Bell 7-layer burrito also recommended the Grizzlebee's Onion Burst"
Eeew! (Score:2)
And you thought muffin crumbs were bad...
*ack*
Okay, keep your eyes peeled people... (Score:2)
As soon as the first one is put into operation, we must post its IP address here and Slashdot it! HAHAHAHA!!
I don't know why that's so funny to me.
asking for trouble (Score:2)
A portable spank-your-monkey machine, powered by MSN!
Actually, there may be a market for these things...
Dare I ask... (Score:2)
Forget URLS... (Score:5, Funny)
Will the Open Source alternative... (Score:5, Funny)
I can see the scratch marks now... (Score:2, Funny)
hmmmm (Score:2)
1. What's to stop some porn-hungry guy from jerking off? This is a COMPUTER in a PUBLIC bathroom, which leads to:
2. Will there be time limits? I don't think anyone will want to leave with free Internet access, unless:
3. Will there be a horrible stench such as there is in normal porta-johns, or has MS developed the iDontStink?
i've always said (Score:2)
I wouldn't touch the keyboard (Score:2)
Very disturbing.
iLoose (Score:2, Funny)
Summer concert or festival????? (Score:3, Insightful)
I can see it now:
It's a summer concert, people drink alot of beer, the bathroom line is usually 15 minutes, you can see people crossing their legs they have to go so bad, and there you are, sitting on the damn toilet, browsing the web when you should be finishing your 'business'.
These porta-potties better have a secret back door for escaping...
Obligatory One-liners (Score:5, Funny)
iLoo? (Score:2)
Re:iLoo? (Score:2)
This would more properly be called "loo.NET" or "crap.NET", to keep in line with current Microsoft trademark practices. (A few years ago, MS-loo would have been correct.)
Of course, I'm pretty sure that iLoo was the journalist's creation and not Microsoft's fault.
What protocol? (Score:2, Funny)
P2P (piss to pot)?
Brings a new meaning to flushing the buffer, doesn't it?
Still no inowation @ MS (Score:5, Informative)
How you would like to be.... (Score:2, Funny)
My god the jokes possible! (Score:2, Insightful)
This is a hoax right? The reporter has been taken for a ride, and this is what
Anyone who has been in a porta-potty knows that the smell is so bad that you wouldn't stick around for Hotmail to finish loading, while you are making your download.
This isn't a terrible idea... (Score:2)
Dear Cubicle 3 (Score:5, Funny)
from Cubicle 2
Apple should have an issue with this (Score:4, Funny)
iPod is Apple
iMac is Apple
iTunes, etc etc all Apples...
Steve, here is your chance to get even... The iLoo by all means, should be an apple product.....if you didn't know who made it, wouldnt you think its something made by Apple?
Sorry if its been said (Score:4, Funny)
Lining up in the bathroom... (Score:5, Funny)
From Stall #1: Sorry, checking my email. I'll be a few minutes.
From Stall #2: I'm busy trading my life away on ETrade, piss off!
From Stall #3: *fwap* Almost *fwap* done! *fwap*
From Stall #4: We're out of paper in here, I'm contacting technical support!
RandomGuy: (Eyes crossed, making odd grunting noises, Exits)
So... (Score:5, Funny)
Obligatory bad jokes... (Score:5, Funny)
In Soviet Russia, your iLoo craps on YOU.
Backups would be needed in case you accidently 'wipe' your HD.
If the iLoo runs Linux, will it handle a 'core dump'?
Could 'virus detection' be added to the iLoo?
Will the interface feature 'toilet assistants'? "I'm the shit wizard, it looks like you're planning to take a crap today!"
"The Microsoft iLoo - When do you want to go today?"
Thank you, I shall be here all week ;)
pavlovian response to ms? (Score:3, Funny)
everytime i see the msn butterfly i smell the residual stink of 1000 people?
or
everytime i go to the bathroom i think of bill gates?
kind of disturbing either way.
hourra!! (Score:3, Insightful)
This is a wonderful piece of Microsoft technology(tm) !
Potshots (pun intended) (Score:5, Interesting)
URLs on the toilet paper? (Score:5, Funny)
They're going to sell advertising on the toilet paper? I can just see the sales pitch.
"Well, sir, we'd like you to give us money, so that people can wipe their ass with your company logo."
Yeah, that'll work.
2 more links (Score:3, Informative)
MSN iLoo Q&As with Tracy Blacher - consumer marketing manager for MSN [neowin.net]
I love the logo on this one!:
Article: MSN Crafts Web-Enabled Toilet [extremetech.com]
Kudos (Score:3, Funny)
Microsoft Toilet XP (Score:5, Funny)
If I had the priveledge of working on this project, I would release a product called Microsoft Toilet XP. The features of my fine product might include items such as:
- Toilet must boot up before you can use it:
- Toilet normally takes two to three minutes to boot.
- If user is in a hurry and the situation is an emergency, toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode and takes an additional three or four minutes to boot.
- Occasionally when toilet is booting in Murphy's Law Mode, toilet will crash, find new hardware when the configuration hasn't changed or perform otherwise erratic behavior to require additional reboots and delay the use of the toilet.
- Toilet has a network connection:
- Dumping Rights Management (DRM) would require communication with Microsoft's central servers to determine whether user is legally authorized to take a dump in toilet.
- DRM would require monthly subscription fee and/or Gold registration, giving a particular client unlimited use of a single toilet.
- Multiple users may not use same toilet unless licensed.
- If network connection cannot be found, which is randomly the case for the user's inconvenience, toilet refuses to function.
- Toilet randomly behaves erratically:
- Toilet might flush by itself.
- Toilet might not flushed when the flush handle is depressed, due to bugs in the software.
- Toilet might overflow.
- Hackers will get in and shove a digital dildo right up your ass.
- Upon completion of toilet usage, toilet must be shut down properly or a lengthy scandisk process must take place the next time toilet enters Murphy's Law Mode, after other actions of that mode take place.
- SpyWare will be randomly installed in toilet, without user's consent, to send a digitally coded sample of the user's shit and/or piss to random companies for inclusion in their lists. These would be used to:
- Send highly targeted dieting advertisements to users based on the content of their shit.
- Make information about your diet and gastral intestinal status available on the Internet for casual browsing by anybody.
Microsoft Toilet XP 2003 End User License Agreement:By us having written this licensing agreement, you have agreed to be bound by its terms...
This post represents humor, parody and opinions of the poster, protected by the Constitution. Microsoft is obviously a registered trademark of itself and everybody knows that so it needs not be recounted here.
You *can't* be taking this seriously... (Score:3, Insightful)
This can't be serious because of all the obvious issues and problems that have been discussed both humorously and seriously ad nauseum in previous posts. Hygiene, hardware durability, monopolizing the facility, etc.
What kind of EULA are they going to have for this? Once you use their facility, you can't use any other toilet unless it's an MS approved toilet? They already want your first born male child, do they now want all your offal as well?
This can not be serious.
So many jokes...must restist! (Score:4, Funny)
"You seem to be constipated. Would you like to subscribe to a medical newsletter about constipation?"
"You are running low on toilet paper. Please click here to purchase more toilet paper."
I hope its waterproof (Score:3, Funny)