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Journal tomhudson's Journal: Another Tuesday ... post your Dead Pope jokes here 119

Journal by tomhudson
In response to this journal entry by LPetrazickis (and because I've been asked for dead pope jokes) ...

The Pope and a Rabbi are waiting at the pearly gates.

Since there's a bit of a line-up, one of the attendants tells them that, before they go into heaven, they can have anything they want. Anything.

The Rabbi says "I'll have a ham sandwich. I've never had one before, and I really want to know what I've been missing."

The Pope hears that, and says "A ham sandwich would be good. I'll have one too."

The Rabbi turns to him, and says "Don't be meshugena. You've never had SEX. Give it a try. Trust me, it's a LOT more fun than a sandwich".

The Pope thinks about it, then agrees.

They meet up afterwards, and the Pope is glaring at the rabbi. The Rabbi says "Oy, what's your problem?"

The Pope rubs his ass: "Next time, I take the sandwich."

Have fun.

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Another Tuesday ... post your Dead Pope jokes here More

Another Tuesday ... post your Dead Pope jokes here

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  • I just love the one about the 2 nuns and the mother superior going up to heaven, when they arrive at the pearly gates they see Peter who stops them from coming in.
    Peter say: "To test your devotion to God I'm going to have to ask you each a question before you can gain access."
    The nuns all agree so Peter ask his question of the first nun: "What was the name of the first man?"
    The nun thinks and says: "Adam."
    "Correct," says Peter, "you're in."
    The second nun steps forward to Peter. "What was the name of the first woman," he asks her.
    Without hesitation she answers: "Eve."
    "Ok, you're in," Peter says.
    Now he turns to the last nun with a stern look in his eyes.
    "You understand that as your a mother superior you get a difficult questions."
    She nods her head.
    "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam."
    The mother superior thinks and thinks, finally she says: "That's a hard one."
    Peter looks up and say: "You're in!"
    • I've got a much worse one. Not a pope joke, but a dead nun joke...

      A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff, and they are all standing in line in front of the pearly gates and a fountain of holy water to get into heaven.
      St Peter comes up to the head of the line, and asks the first nun for her final confession. He states that she must confess to any sins she hasn't confessed for, yet.

      The nun turns bright red, and eventually whispers out "I saw a penis, once."
      St Peter says that she merely has to wash her e
  • Did you hear the latest news? The pope's still dead!
  • In response to another post here [slashdot.org], here's another one:
    The night they were embalming the Pope's body, one of the people noticed "something" sticking in the Pope's butt.

    Gingerly but deftly, he removed the offending object , which turned out to be a cork.

    Immediately, the room was filled with song - and the sound was coming from the Pope's anus.

    They immediately replaced the cork, and dithered amongst themselves as to what to do. It was a true miracle, they said amongst themselves. A holy event. A divine manifestation. Proof indeed that the Pope was truly blessed by God.

    Finally, they decided to wake up the bishop currently in charge, and get his opinion of this miraculous event, even though it is now 3:00 am.

    He comes down, and they remove the cork. Instantly, the room fills up with song.

    The Bishop, far from being impressed, turns around and says "You idiots. You woke me up at 3 in the morning to hear some asshole sing "Ave Maria?"

  • what? (Score:2)

    by js7a ( 579872 )
    You mean to say that he's still dead?

  • I forgot the live pope joke (Score:3, Interesting)

    by webhat ( 558203 ) <slashdot AT specialbrands DOT net> on Tuesday April 05, 2005 @07:07PM (#12148967) Homepage Journal
    When the ex-pope, John Paul II as if you didn't know, came to the Netherlands a comic duo wrote a song called "Popie Jopie." It was very popular, in fact it was so popular not just because it was a funny song about the pope, but because Popie Jopie is also the slang term for somebody who likes to act as if he's popular.

  • Two rednecks (Score:5, Funny)

    by yuri benjamin ( 222127 ) <yuridg@gmail.com> on Tuesday April 05, 2005 @08:55PM (#12149740) Journal
    Two rednecks were discussing the Pope's recent departure and the need to elect a new one. One redneck says to the other:

    Well, I hope they chose a baptist this time. Them cathlicks been in office way too long.
  • Right before he died, John Paul II asked to convert to Protestantism

    Those around him were shocked, but the Pope insisted. So they got a Protestant minister, and the Pope converted from his death-bed.

    Momemts before he drew his last breath, those around him finally got up the courage to ask "Why? Why did you convert, Holy Father?"

    "Because it's better that one of them should die then one of us."

  • Q: Why is the Catholic Church having a problem with priests molesting children?

    A: Because they can't wait for the second coming.

    • or ...

      They believe it is better to give than to receive.

      (ouch)

      Speaking of which, there was a news report last night on the Catholic Church in Africa, and how their teachings against condoms are hindering the fight against AIDS. 6,000 people a day die of AIDS (that's over 2 million a year).

      Promoting the death penalty for sex (which is what this basically does) is warped.

      • Promoting the death penalty for sex (which is what this basically does) is warped.

        I am an atheist, but I have to stick up for the pope here. Either you do what the pope says, and you don't have sex outside of mariage, or you don't do what he says, then whats stopping you from wearing a condom?
        • ... Either you do what the pope says, and you don't have sex outside of mariage ...
          People are only human.

          Also, between 20% and 50% of all Catholic priests have had sex (mostly same-sex) - so a ban on condoms hits home.

          • People are only human.

            People are human, but we're given the grace to go beyond what we could do on our own. We can do God's will, if we choose to, through God's grace.

            Matt 5:48
            You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is Perfect.

            • You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is Perfect.

              We'll assume the existence of the "God of the Bible" just for the sake of argument.

              So then, why did a "perfect" God lie to Adam and Eve ("on the day you eat the fruit of the tree, you shall surely die"), and why was it the devil who told them the truth, that it would not kill them? Bit of a contradiction.

              And how could a "perfect" God create imperfection, when those "imperfections" (Adam and Eve) were created in his own image, his own l

              • Very good points, but I think you could've driven it home by changing the last word to rapriests.
                • Well, I didn't want to be too mean.

                  Actually, I didn't want to be mean at all, but appeals to logic that are unsupported by appeals to the emotions don't get noticed by that crowd.

                  Logical appeals are met with "you must have FAITH" or "We'll pray for you".

                  So, you have to do like the preacher-man does, bypass the logic (after all, religion is not logical, and was never meant to be), and strike right at the emotional centers.

                  Some people would argue that's disengenuous. Me, I say "What's sauce for the goose

              • They did die...eventually. :) I want to know who was Cain's wife. And who were all these people that threatened retribution against Cain after he killed his brother?

                How can God be perfect? He's not. It shows in his work. [talkorigins.org]
              • You Said
                "So then, why did a "perfect" God lie to Adam and Eve ("on the day you eat the fruit of the tree, you shall surely die"), and why was it the devil who told them the truth, that it would not kill them? Bit of a contradiction. "

                Actually what God said was "for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." in referrence to the Tree, I think you could see this to mean that once you eat the fruit you shall surely die, what Eve says later seems to show that this was the meaning of the warnin
                • They had no knowledge of good and evil, right and wrong, obedience and disobedience, as they had not eaten of the tree of the knowedge of good and evil.

                  Otherwise, how could it be said "behold man is become as one of us, to know good and evil".

                  It's all a lie, dude.

                  As for the rest, when you have to twist words to mean other than what they don't mean, it says something ... the prime example being "on the day you eat the fruit of the tree, you shall surely die" - not next week, not sometime in the future - "

                  • "for in the day" Is not the same as "On the day", like if I were to say "for in the day that man learns to cheat death, he will become a god" Obviously doesn't mean that day poof he is a god, but from that day forward...

                    God's word is just part of the picture, you can read it all you want but it is God that gives you understanding, and until you are willing to come to God or read the bible with an open mind and a willingness to believe, you aren't going to understand.

                    "They had no knowledge of good and evil
                    • > Do you think animals think about the morality of killing another animal for survival or food?

                      Some of them, yes. Otherwise, would they not kill their own offspring just to eat? Or at least one of their own species? Yes, I know some species DO that, but those are pretty few. If animals had absolutely no sense of such things, whenever they got hungry (assuming they are carnivorous) wouldn't they just kill and eat whatever is easiest to obtain?
                    • Actually, most animals resort to eating their own offspring during times of environmental stress (such as overcrowding - not just times of food scarcity).

                      This is actually reasonable in terms of survival of the species, since the ones that are old enough to reproduce will try again, whereas there's no guarantee that the young ones will reach maturity.

                      Whereas man just kills others of his own species because he's kakagaga in the head. I mean, look at what passes for entertainment on TV or in the movies - glo

                    • > look at what passes for entertainment on TV or in the movies - glorifying killing

                      I'm not dumb enough to claim I have an amazing retort that gives us deep insight into the human psyche, but...

                      Most animals, when they are young, "play." Most of the time, this playing is in the form of pretend (or at least less-intense) violence. It has been recently supported [newscientist.com] that it is not training for when the animals get older, so it must be entertainment or actual violence. Since these young animals will back of
                    • Since these young animals will back off before causing harm 99% of the time, the second seems unlikely (to me).
                      You've obviously never seen either chickens or a schoolyard full of kids establishing a pecking order. If the picked on one doesnt back down, they WILL get hurt. Same as in adult life.
                    • Chickens, no, I have not. I will make a previously unmentioned assumption: my theory doesn't apply to non-mammals... due to the fact that I have since been proven wrong ;)

                      You'll probably find insects and reptiles acting in a less-communal fashion as well.

                      As for school kids, that is partially true. I was on the lower-rungs of the "social ladder," though I wasn't picked on very much. Maybe because I was more "quiet' than I was "different," and was thus ignored.

                      > If the picked on one doesnt back down,
                    • Another important thing to point out is that when a schoolkid gets "hurt" by another, it is usually going to be "timmy pushed me and I hit my head," not "tommy tore a gaping wound in my chest with his teeth." Of course playing animals can be physically wounded, but when I say they back off, they will back off before anything serious happens. In a schoolyard (barring mental "issues") if an attacked boy collapses, the attacker will stop, probably mostly out of fear of getting caught, but he still stops.

                      But
                    • WE had one case up here where an 8-year-old stalked a neighbour, shot and killed him, and because he was under 12, couldn't be charged with a crime.

                      Kids can be vicious.

                  • Alright, I'll weigh in on the eternal (heh) discussion, if only because you tell good Pope jokes.

                    I'm a Christian, but not of the stripe who believes that the Bible is a literal history, from which every word should be treated as Gospel (heh again). My faith (which should not be confused with "religion", an entirely different concept) tells me that God talks to His creation in terms they can understand. The Israelites at the time of Moses were illiterate former slaves and sheep herders, so the story of ma
                    • You can't have God and evolution. Pick one.

                      Perhaps *you* can't have God and evolution. I can, because I refuse to limit God based on my own human limitations. My God is Lord of all, not just a "God of the gaps".

                      Normally, this would be a place to trot out "Judge not, that ye be not judged" (Matthew 7:1). But a quick search found this very challenging discussion [helpforhomeschoolers.com] of the true meaning of the verse -- and of course, those that follow it. I don't agree with all the author's points (for one thing, I have tro
                    • Why can't the autor pick and choose. "Christians" have been practicing exclusionary politics and intolerance for two millenia now. It seems to be one of the defining characteristics of many of the more fundamentalist Xians.

                      As far as your blind adherence to the "7 billion year" thing, I'd also have to question your dedication to your God.

                      Why? Who says his God is the same as your God. You can't both be right, so each of you places your bets, and takes your chances. Such is life.

                      You probably also believe th

                    • Look around you - pick a sin other than gluttony or stupidity (is that a sin?) and count the number of people who don't die for their sin. Perhaps Ezekiel was wrong. Perhaps he was talking about a different time (have you ever heard the phrase "different morals for different times"?).

                      In the Old Testament, the stories are very direct: sin, and die. Touch the Ark of the Covenant... die. Enter the holy of holies... die. In fact, the entire OT is full of rules, the penalty for which is death.

                      The New Testa
                    • > The New Testament message is quite different. The point I think Jesus was trying to make was that there's no way we can *avoid* sin.

                      Wait a second, that's totally opposite... The OT said that you must not commit sinful acts. The NT, OTOH, says that it is a sin to THINK about sinful acts. So really, in the NT "God" acted nicer, but was more strict. Perhaps the idea was that since he "proved" himself (by appearing as his own son) he demanded more...

                    • Totally agree. This requires open mind just like science. It's like saying "You can't have Newton physics and Einstein physics. Pick one".

                      There's a diff between what the Bible claims and science claims.

                      Scientists don't claim that either Newton or Einstein is the final, authoritative word on the state of the universe, etc.

                      The bible does.

                      Science doesn't hold people in moral judgment or threaten to send them to hell if you don't conform

                      the bible does.

                      Science doesn't say "trust me" - peer review and skep

                    • Wait a second, that's totally opposite... The OT said that you must not commit sinful acts. The NT, OTOH, says that it is a sin to THINK about sinful acts. So really, in the NT "God" acted nicer, but was more strict. Perhaps the idea was that since he "proved" himself (by appearing as his own son) he demanded more...

                      I see it as a higher level of accountability to oneself. Before, you could act holy yet have the basest of motivations. Now, Jesus says that if you're angry with your brother (ie, anyone), i
                    • Science doesn't say "trust me" - peer review and skepticism are valued

                      The bible says "ya gotta have faith".

                      I thought that was George Michael [80smusiclyrics.com].

                      Before this river

                      Becomes an ocean
                      Before you throw my heart back on the floor
                      Oh baby I reconsider
                      My foolish notion
                      Well I need someone to hold me
                      But I'll wait for something more
                      Yes I've gotta have faith...

                    • I want this one sung at my funeral:
                      99 bottles of beer on the wall,
                      99 bottles of beer ...
                      You take one down, pass it around,
                      98 bottles of beer on the wall ...
                      I want my friends to party, to be happy, to have a wake that measures up to the family tradition.

                      And I hope to be uploaded a few times before then, so I can join in the fun.

                • I don't think _he's_ confused.
              • So then, why did a "perfect" God lie to Adam and Eve

                The very day they ate the food their eternal life and eternal walk with God was ended and they were removed from God's presence.

                So to say "lie" when refering to it is looking at the text so narowly that the context is eliminated.

                jason
                • > The very day they ate the food [...] they were removed from God's presence.

                  So wait, humans are no longer in God's presence? Why bother worshipping him then, if he will not hear you? I don't mean this as a troll, I just don't understand a lot about why people believe what they do.
                  • Think of the Garden of Eden as a perfect human relationship. One where the people involved know each other intimately. When Adam & Eve sinned, then the relationship was broken, because one partner in the membership cheated on the other. Then Adam and Eve were thrown out of the garden. That ended the perfect relationship.

                    What is left is an imperfect relationship. The sin acted to seperate the members of the relationship from each other. This does not mean that no relationship can ever exist again.
                    • > What is left is an imperfect relationship.

                      How can you have a relationship, perfect or not, when you are no longer in "his presence?" Not even that, how can you have a relationship when none of your ancestors have been in his presence for thousands of years? Haven't been in his presence since before the darned book was transferred to paper. So how can it be the word of God when he already said he wasn't around any more (I know that's not exactly what it said)?

                      > I can provide some relevant quotes
                    • You have questions, and I would say a chip or grudge or some issue with Christianity (or monotheism in general), otherwise you would not have brought up your comments in the first place. Go ahead and shake your head because logic cannot argue for or against what must ultimately be taken as faith at the crucial point. I won't debate with you because someone that has already made up their mind will not be swayed by any arguments, logical or otherwise and all that is accomplished is spewing hatred in all dir
                    • I never gave any indication of a grudge with Christianity, and I even expected to be taken that way because of peoples' short fuses WRT religion or lack thereof. That's why in both messages I said either that it wasn't a troll or wasn't flamebait and that I honestly wanted to know the answer.

                      I spewed nothing resembling hatred in the TWO WHOLE POSTS I made. However, as to not changing my mind, I only change my mind when presented with new evidence. That is why I ask for clarification to begin with. I f
                    • "That's why in both messages I said either that it wasn't a troll or wasn't flamebait and that I honestly wanted to know the answer." This must be my pessimistic nature expecting that the ones that announce themselves as not trolls, inevitably are. Sorry for the presumptions.

                      I was attempting to head off what looked like a thread headed for an argument from my past experiences. The many times this has happened previously, the thread degenerates to yelling an useless typing on both sides, so I wanted to a
              • Heavenly perfection is not the upper limit of human perfection, or even past it in any way. It's on a completely different axis. As Christians, we trust that God has a plan that we can't possibly understand the half of, even if He chose to tell it to us.

                So then, why did a "perfect" God lie to Adam and Eve ("on the day you eat the fruit of the tree, you shall surely die"), and why was it the devil who told them the truth, that it would not kill them? Bit of a contradiction.

                Uh...Adam and Eve wouldn't have

                • they would have had no more knowledge that disobedience is wrong than a puppy would that peeing on the floor is bad

                  Right, and don't you punish the puppy when he does?

                  Nope. You don't punish creatures for doing what comes naturally. There are other ways of training/educating them. I just went through that whole mess a couple of months ago.

                  Guess that makes me better (or at least more intelligent/reasonable/compassionate/just) than God. But that's only to be expected. I've had the benefit of a couple th

              • And, most important: What is the function of the armpit? Why is it hairy? And WHY do men have nipples??
        • It's not that simple. According to the Catholic Church, extra-marital sex using contraception is a double sin; whereas extra-marital sex without contraception is only a single sin.

          Assuming that the probability of any given sin sending you to Hell is a constant, then the probability of going to Hell will increase exponentially with the number of sins committed, asymptotically approaching certainty. On that basis, then it's ever so slightly better not to use a condom whilst having sex outside of marriage.
          • Ah ok, that seems reasonable, so I guess what the people critizizing the pope want is some sort of package deal on sex related sins. ;-)
          • But the bible doesn't really say that sex between two unmarried people who love each other is a sin.

            It does say that a married person having sex with someone other than their spouse is a sin. It's taking God's name in vain, because when a person marries they swear a vow to God not to have sex out of the wedlock.

            It also says it's a sin to have sex with someone who is married to another. That's what adultury is, it's a common mistake that the adulturer is the married person.

            It also to some extent condemns
            • The celibacy dictum was added sometime in the 8th or 9th century. (Too lazy to look it up right now.) And it has nothing to do with "devotion to God."

              Back then, in a monarch-based society, the first son of a nobleman inherits the title and the land. The second (and later) sons, if they were "man enough", could earn a title by being knighted. But with nothing much else for the scrawny sons, many saw the priesthood as being a sort-of respectable alternative. (Farming was for the peasantry, and not an o

        • heh heh...cute, very cute.
          But the fact is, humans don't work that way, and neither does the Catholic church.

          Humans--especially adolescents, where these issues bite hardest--don't decide, rationally and dispassionately, to reject the deepest beliefs of their church, family, society and peers, and then, freed from those dictums, act pragmatically, e.g. by using condoms.

          What humans actually do is try to hold to those beliefs, and then, in the heat of passion, the brain stem takes over, and they end up having
      • I would say as a religious/moral leader he should be telling people to not have sex, not to wear condoms when they do.

        It's just a band-aid over a larger social problem isn't it?

        Not that I'm Catholic, but he has/had a responsibility to tell people to straighten up and fly right as opposed to just fucking with protection.

  • A real dead pope joke. (Score:4, Funny)

    by wimme ( 130044 ) on Wednesday April 06, 2005 @09:34AM (#12153170)
    The pope arrives in heaven, where st Peter awaites him. St peter asks to the pope who he is.
    The pope : I am the pope.
    St Peter : Who ? There's no such name in my book?
    The pope : I am the representative off God on Earth.
    St Peter : Does God has a representative ? He didn't told me...
    The pope : but I am the leader off the Catholic Church...
    St Peter : The Catholic church... Never heard of it...
    St Peter : Wait, I'll check with the boss

    St Peter goes away trough heavens gate to talk with God.

    St Peter : There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth.
    God : I don't have a representative on earth, not that i know off... Wait, I'll ask Jesus ( Take his intercom and yells for Jesus)
    Jesus : Yes father, what's up....

    God and St Peter explain the situation....

    Jesus : Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.

    Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St Peter asks To Jesus why he's laughing...

    Jesus : remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago.... It still exists.

    • ummm... funny, but...

      As a matter of fact, St. Peter was the first Pope, so, he had to know about the "representative on Earth".
      • As a matter of fact, St. Peter was the first Pope, so, he had to know about the "representative on Earth".
        Nope. There is NO mention whatsoever in the Bible of the term "Pope".

        Also, Jesus made it quite clear that nobody needed to have someone else intercede on their behalf.

        Sorry, but the whole "God's representative on earth" is just another example of believers suffering from cognitive dissonance and/or wilfull ignorance.

        • I agree with you on the "God's representative on earth" thing, but, even if St. Peter was not called "Pope", it is his position that has been inherited by the now called Popes.

          The word Pope means "father", just a way to call him.
          • Sorry, but it still doesn't work:

            Call no man on earth your father, for you have all one Father Who is in Heaven." (Matt. 22:9)

            There was nothing (in terms of position before God) to inherit (this of course assumes God exists, which I'm only doing for the sake of argument :-) This is NOT meant as a personal attack. You're free to believe what you want - just keep in mind that a lot of us regard it as superstition, a way for people to try to impose their will on others.

            • Well, it's not meant to work.

              The Catholic religion is full of contradictions, as you see. I'm only pointing out what the practice is. And, as you, I think it doesn't work (the practice, as is), although I believe in God.

              btw, I don't feel it as an attack, but like to know other points of view. ;)

  • Not a dead Pope joke, but .... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday April 07, 2005 @10:43AM (#12165293)
    Here is a joke that I heard in the late 1970s, shortly after the Pope was elected:
    Two Cardinals are walking down a hall in the Vatican. One turns to the other and says, "I've got a great Pollack joke!" He feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns around, and it's the Pope. The Pope says, "Tell your joke, my son, but remember that I am Polish." "Don't worry, Holy Father", says the Cardinal. "I'll tell it slowly."

  • Pope comes to New York (Score:5, Funny)

    by shawb ( 16347 ) on Saturday April 09, 2005 @04:02PM (#12188705)
    So about 10 years ago the pope came to New York. He is being driven around in a limo, and decides that he wants to drive. The pope asks the driver if he can drive, and the driver agrees cause, hey, it's the pope.

    The pope being a dottering old man, and generally driven around, does not drive very well. So he's weaving in and out of lanes, driving with a lead foot: either full gas or full brake. Doesn't take long before he catches the attention of New York's finest.

    Officer O'Malley, a new kid on the force, pulls the limo over, walks up to the driver's side door, and starts stammering when he sees the pope.

    -O'Malley "Oh, I'm t-t-t-terribly sorry your holiness. If you d-d-don't mind I have to to to to make a call."

    The pope being a patient man waits while the officer gets on the horn with headquarters.

    -O'malley "Get me Captain O'hara, I'm in a bit of trouble."

    -O'hara "What's the problem, O'malley?"

    -O'malley "I'm I'm I'm... I'm not sure. But I just pulled over someone REAL important."

    -O'hara "Come on O'Malley, don't tell me you pulled over Giuliani. Christ, we're in a budget crunch here. Tell me you didn't pull over Giuliani."

    -O'malley "No. He's bigger than Giuliani."

    -O'hara "Ahh Christ. You pulled over Pataki. Don't tell me you pulled over the governer, O'malley."

    -O'malley "Nah. I didn't pull over the governer, I can tell you that. Bigger than the governer."

    -O'hara "No... No... don't tell me you've just pulled over the president. Ahhh Christ O'malley. Just who did you pull over??? How much damage control are we gonna have to run here???"

    -O'malley "Ahh christ. I didn't get a really good look at the guy, but I know he's powerful. I mean... I mean... well, he's got the freaking pope driving his Limo."

  • Heh. (Score:3, Funny)

    by sbszine ( 633428 ) on Sunday April 10, 2005 @12:18AM (#12191084) Journal
    Not a joke, but a great comic about the next pontiff [angryflower.com].

  • Possibly a "dead lawyer" joke... (Score:5, Funny)

    by MPolo ( 129811 ) on Sunday April 10, 2005 @02:46AM (#12191640)

    A lawyer and the Pope die at the same time and arrive at the Pearly Gates simultaneously. St. Peter greets them both and bids them welcome to their new home. He goes with them to show them their mansions.

    First stop is the lawyer's mansion. It is a huge building with three floors, a staff of servants, a backyard jacuzzi, with a Rolls Royce and a BMW parked in the driveway. "Wow, this is great!" said the lawyer. The Pope was starting to imagine what his new home would be like, brimming with anticipation.

    Saint Peter took the Pope down the street to a modest little flat with two rooms, a small yard, and a Fiat sitting in the driveway. "But, hasn't there been some mistake, St. Peter?" asked the Pope. "I mean, I was the Pope..."

    "Pope? We've got dozens of you guys up here. He's the first lawyer we've ever seen!"


  • The Vatican's insurance company is switching from a Holy Maintenance Organization (HMO) to a Papal Provider Organization (PPO or PopePO). They are forcing all of the Cardinals to get Pape-smears to ensure that they don't show up with Clerical cancer later on.
  • I suppose I'll start trying to think of one.

  • Pope Joke (Score:2, Funny)

    by Dorsai65 ( 804760 )
    Shortly after he was elected Pope, John Paul 2 went to get dressed one morning, and found the letters TGIF inside his shoes. He immediately called called his staff together, and commenced to chastise them for the inappropriate nature of putting "Thank God It's Friday" in his footwear. When he was done, one staff member spoke up and said "Your Emminence, those letters don't stand for Thank God It's Friday." The Pope, surprised (and embarrassed) asked "What do they stand for, then?" The staffer replied "We
  • At the funeral, they shouldn't have buried him in the crypt, they should have cremated him and mixed his ashes with holy water...

    .... then they could have sold it as Pope Puree
  • are walking down the street. One of them turns to the other and says "Sister, I've got a case of syphillis".

    The other gets a pleased look on her face and replies "Oh, good! I'm so tired of 7-up!"

  • Pope John Paul II is still dead!
  • is the pope catholic?

    no, he's dead
  • are there enough "dead pope" jokes so that we can start on the "live pope" joes?

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