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Christmas Cheer

LinuX-Mas Caroling We Shall Go 179

smudge writes "Don't let the economy get you down this holiday season. Bring up a screen saver of a fireplace, grab a hot mulled Mountain Dew and check out these holiday classics, rewritten with a tech spin, from"
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LinuX-Mas Caroling We Shall Go

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  • chestnuts roasting by an open aafire.
    • The thoughts of all the unemployed IT people right now as they talk to their wife/husband about their X-mas budget ... without the tech spin

      My nuts roasting, on an open fire ...

      Just smile and laugh
    • by Anonymous Coward
      if it's a copyright violation. :-(

      Where I live, it's not legal to make a public performance of a work under copyright. There are exemption for charitable purposes, or religious worship.

      "Traditional" christian carols are legal (religious), but secular songs such as "Frosty the Snowman" or "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" aren't. Go freedom of expression. :-(

  • My eyes hurt after reading those. Couldn't slashdot have linked to the Onion or someplace good instead?
  • by jayhawk88 ( 160512 ) <> on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:36PM (#4924916)
    ...another pedestrian attempt at holiday humor!
  • Great, geek humor... This stuff always makes me break out in a rash. A roomful of nerds singing these lyrics would be my definition of Hell.
  • But the 'Lock out your freedoms' one was cool! :)
  • And a Merry Christmas to you too!
  • Ummm. No thanks.
    • A friend who's dad worked for Pepsi said that one of the tastiest drinks was Dr. Pepper, fresh out of the kettle, before it's cooled down.

      I haven't had the opportunity to heat up some Dr. P. in the microwave yet, but I'm certainly curious.

      Anyone else tried this?
      • Re:Actually ... (Score:1, Interesting)

        by Anonymous Coward
        I recall once when I was but a wee lad that there was some kind of vendor give-away of hot Dr. Pepper on a cold winter day. Very good.

        I tried heating Dr. Pepper, but it just wasn't the same somehow.
      • ..if Pepsi only actually made Dr. Pepper. Last I checked, it was a Coke product. Perhaps a brain-fart you had?
        • No. Mr. Pibb is a Coke product. "Dr. Pepper" is independent, but is typically found with Pepsi products.
          • Damn, you're right about Mr. Pibb, but I'm pretty sure Dr. P isn't found with Pepsi products. Anyone know if it was ever distributed or bottled by Coke?
            • I think that Dr. Pepper is owned by Coke in Europe, but in the United States it is typically distributed by Pepsi. This is why restaurants that serve Pepsi products in the US will generally have Dr. Pepper. Though, I know of a couple that have Coke products and Dr. Pepper. I think it's all part of a master plan to confuse the masses.
          • Re:Now... (Score:3, Informative)

            by Greedo ( 304385 )
            The net is a wonderful thing ... found this here [] (emphasis mine):

            Mr. PiBB and Pibb Xtra are not available in cans and bottles everywhere. There are many areas in the US where PiBB is not bottled by Coca-Cola bottling plants. Due to lack of capable facilities, the Dr Pepper Company leases the right to bottle Dr Pepper in a particular market to the highest bidder--either Coke, Pepsi or 7up. In some markets, Coke bids highest for the chance to bottle Dr Pepper (a very lucrative business) and in others, Pepsi or 7up gets the contract. In these areas where Dr Pepper is found in Pepsi or 7up vending machines, Coke will offer its own creation -- PiBB -- in response. In regions where Coke bottles Dr Pepper, PiBB is not produced. The bottling agreement with Dr Pepper comes with a "no competition" clause which states that Coke cannot produce their spicy cherry soda.
        • According to []:

          London-based Cadbury Schweppes plc acquired the Dr. Pepper/Seven Up Corporation in early 1995 as the largest division of the non-cola beverages firm.

          In 1986 the Dr Pepper Company merged with the Seven-Up Company to form the Dr Pepper/Seven-Up Corporation in Dallas. After it's acquisition by Cadbury Schweppes plc in early 1985, it became Dr Pepper/Seven-Up Inc., based in Plano, TX.

          So, it certainly isn't a Coke product, but probably not a Pepsi product either. Hrmm, I'll have to ask him about it. Perhaps it was just being bottled at the same place as Pepsi products.

          Oh, and speaking of hot soda beverages ... Dr. P/7-Up has some lovely sounding recipes [] on their site. Perhaps you'd like some 7-Up Bran Muffins to go with that mulled Dew? Yum.
      • Just leave a bottle in your car on a hot day. Works for me. Hot Mt. Dew is an....interesting experience.
      • Re:Actually ... (Score:2, Informative)

        by eclectus ( 209883 )
        We used to make this all the time: Heat up some Dr. P, add a couple of whole cloves & a little lemon juice, and viola! Instant Geek Holiday Cider. Quite tasty.
    • And here I thought I was the only one who had the urge to be violently ill at that suggestion...

      Mulled Wine [] - absolutely, made with Mead [] - even better :)
  • by ( 142825 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:38PM (#4924950) Homepage
    They forgot the old standard of Twas the night before implementation [].
    • We three pings of internet fame,
      dodging trolls and slashdot flame,
      servers seeking, responses testing,
      Proving the servers down!

      Oh, oh, oh!
      Poor 'lil server,
      Melted server,
      Slashdoted now you burn bright!

    • 'Twas the night before Christmas
      And all through the lab
      Not a keyboard was clicking
      --No Pr0n being grabbed

      I was browsing the web
      With MS's IE,
      When X10 ad popups
      I began to see.

      I went to uninstall
      But nowhere was IE
      It Seems Mr. Gates
      Had made that choice for me.

      I went to
      And found the builds new
      And what did I see?
      Mozilla 1.2!

      I downloaded the file
      Just as fast as could be
      Thank you Mozilla,
      No more popups for me!
  • had the first carol not been MS bashing. Technology infighting and OSS vs. the World makes Baby Jeebus Cry. :)

    Bring On The Egg Nog!
  • Those songs weren't really that great. There's something missing - maybe it's cleverness?

    That's my opinion.
  • Speechless. (Score:4, Funny)

    by cioxx ( 456323 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:40PM (#4924967) Homepage
    That was the nerdiest thing I've read all week.

    But it's no match for these []

  • Run!

    and find all of your license files!!

  • Microsoft is Coming To Town (To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming To Town)

    You better watch out
    You better not cry,
    "I don't know where all my licenses lie!"
    Microsoft is coming to town

    You paid for it list,
    You paid for it twice;
    You paid even more for legal advice.
    Microsoft is coming to town

    They know when you run Windows
    They know when you use Word
    They treat a loyal customer
    Like a lying, thieving turd.

    With auditing threats
    In letters that come
    Their lawyers will have you reaching for Tums
    Microsoft is coming to town

    Bill's desperate now
    There's no time to play
    He's casting dot-Net to drag in your pay
    Microsoft is coming to town

    They offer a solution
    When you are left in tears
    Just sign here on the bottom line
    And subscribe for fifty years!

    Oh, you should have watched out
    Gave Linux a try
    Now licensing six is bleeding you dry
    Microsoft is coming to town
    Microsoft is coming to town!

    REAL bad.

  • These types of things are only mildly amusing when they are done well.

    And suffice it to say, these were not even mildly amusing.
  • when slashdot has to post the crap from other sites instead of double-posting.
  • I can think of at least a few people who ought to be getting coal in their stockings for this....
  • by The Tyro ( 247333 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:43PM (#4924993)

    They did a hilarious version of "Oh Holy Nights" that went something like "Oh Modem Lights"

    Here's the link... I kept this as my desktop wallpaper long after christmas was past.

    Oh Modem Lights []

  • This is news for nerds. Sing these and get stigmatized as nerd forever.
  • how about one to the tune of "Driedel Driedel Driedel"?
  • "The jerk store called. They're running out of you"
  • They should call them GNU/Carols!
  • It's bad to post editorials with spelling and grammatical errors, but it's just about inexcusable to post parody songs that don't match the beat. As I read them, humming the old tunes, I wasn't able to find a single one that fit right.

    People, is it really that hard to count syllables?
  • Jingle Bells
    Bill Gates smells
    AOL laid an egg
    The Tux mobile,
    lost its wheel
    and WorldCom got away!!

  • by Pinball Wizard ( 161942 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:50PM (#4925044) Homepage Journal
    better !pout
    better !cry
    better watchout
    lpr why

    santa claus <north pole > town

    cat /etc/passwd >list
    ncheck list
    ncheck list
    cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
    cat list | grep nice >giftlist

    santa claus <north pole > town

    who |grep sleeping
    who |grep awake
    who |egrep "bad|good"

    for (goodness sake) { be good }

    • by Anonymous Coward
      $ better /nopout /nocry
      $ better /watchout
      $ print why
      $ santa_claus /input=north pole /output=town

      $ mcr authorize
      $ analyze/rms_file/check sysuaf.lis
      $ analyze/rms_file/check sysuaf.lis
      $ search sysuaf.lis naughty /output=nogift.lis
      $ search sysuaf.lis nice /outuput=gift.lis
      $ santa_claus /input=north pole /output=town

      $ show user /interactive/output=users.lis
      $ search users.lis sleeping
      $ search users.lis awake
      $ search users.lis bad
      $ search users.lis good
      $ loop:
      $ be good
      $ if goodness_sake then $ goto loop

      (DCL port courtesy of James Dishaw.)
  • by Wee ( 17189 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:51PM (#4925048)
    They treat a loyal customer
    Like a lying, thieving turd.

    After listening to my wife (who's a senior buyer for a large-ish defense contractor) relate the woe that was having to sit through *an entire day* with Microsoft reps so they could explain to her what MS's new licensing schemes were going to do to her company, I'd say that line above just about sums it up. They were pretty nasty, it seems, and had a "we don't care how much you've bought in the past" attitude.

    I showed her Open Office even, and she liked it. But using it wasn't an option, since the head of their IT department acts like he wants to climb in bed with Bill Gates and try to have his children. I guess they decided to lay off more people and pay up, the poor dumb bastards.

    I'm going to forward her the link so she'll have something to make her day go by faster...


  • by FunkSoulBrother ( 140893 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @03:51PM (#4925049)
    I posted "Bill Gates is frightful",
    and I got a "+1 Insightful",
    So if you've no place to go,
    log on and troll, log on and troll, log on and trooooll!

    Thank you very much.
    • OK...

      He's a mean one...
      Mr. Gates.
      You really are a heel,
      You're as cuddly as a cactus,
      you're as charming as an eel,
      Mr. Gates,
      You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

      You're a monster, Mr. Gates,
      Your heart's an empty hole,
      Your brain is full of spiders,
      you have garlic in your soul,
      Mr. Gates,
      I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

      You're a foul one, Mr. Gates,
      You have termites in your smile,
      You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Gates,
      Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile!

      You're a rotter, Mr. Gates,
      You're the king of sinful sots,
      Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Gates,
      You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

      You nauseate me, Mr. Gates,
      With a nauseous super "naus"!,
      You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Gates,
      Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
      assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

      You're a foul one, Mr. Gates,
      You're a nasty wasty skunk,
      Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Gates,
      The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
      "Stink, stank, stunk"!

      -- Are we sure Dr. Seuss was not thinking of Mr. Gates when he wrote this?
  • Khlaukhalash cartman: Mountain Dew, and Crab Juice.
    Homer: Ewwww! Eeeesh! Yuck! I'll take a crab juice!
  • Read-singing those songs has really got me in the Christmas spirit. The only question I have is where is the official Slashdot Christmas party going be this year? Also, what's the dress..casual?

    Thanks and Merry Christmas.
  • ummm. something something...

    • You insensitive clod!

      I've taken to calling it the close-to-the-end-of-the-year-blow-all-your-money-o n-the-ones-you-love-partytime-holiday-where-I-get- a-week-off

  • I found something bizzar on ModernHumorist [] this morning - "If poets wrote poems whose titles were anagrams of their names" (Like "Toilets", by T.S. Elliot) - just be sure to check out the one by William Shakespeare ;)) The Dickenson one too - somebody put some work into those.

  • Oh man, just what I needed to perk me up on a Thursday afternoon. I think my favorite has to be "Microsoft is coming to town." Funny because it's true!
  • Reminds me of the musical of Ronny Dobbs from Mr. Show where the wife is singing the song about being beaten.

    British Director Guy: "Well we wanted to capture all of our smoldering hate for Microsoft and our total disgust for the erosion of our freedoms in a Jolly Jingle!"
  • Those still sucked.
  • An anti-MS rant, anti-America rant, a whine about unemployment.. All paraded around on whats supposed to be a respectable linux 'news' site.

    Thing is, people like my boss see this, and I can't even mention that I use linux in my home network router because they'll just assume that I'm using it for anti-corporate hippie reasons.


    They aren't even clever. I'll write one on the fly:

    Jiggle Bells!
    Linux smells!
    GNU is teh cheese!
    Gnome and gimp's
    Users are limp!
    A Beowulf cluster of these!

    • An anti-MS rant, anti-America rant, a whine about unemployment.. All paraded around on whats supposed to be a respectable linux 'news' site.

      Guess that Free Software is inherently political. If you don't like it, tell your boss that Slashdot != Linux... It's not even "respectable"... whatever the fuck you think that means.

      Perhaps you should find a "respectable" Linux site, and stick with it.

    • It's too bad your boss can't choose things on technical merits. That would be really cool if he was capable of doing that. I am sure that instead he will lay in bed with Microsoft because there aren't any MS zealots (or Mac zealots, BSD zealots, etc).

  • I can't think of a worse "cause" to graft onto Christmas Carols than free software. Get a life, will you people.
  • Oh no! (Score:2, Funny)

    by tezzery ( 549213 )
    Please don't let my boss read these... Otherwise we'll all be singing these tomorrow morning! :(
  • by RyLaN ( 608672 )
    doesn't aim have a voice in feature? aim some random person and sing till they block you, spread the holiday cheer!
  • Great! (Score:3, Funny)

    by Greyfox ( 87712 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @04:26PM (#4925184) Homepage Journal
    We've needed more material for Stallman to sing! Maybe we can get a Stallman-Shatner duo going.
  • Christmas does sort of have an X in it, doesn't it... and we all know that anything with X in it is related to Unix.

    Follow me on this for a second, the X in "Xmas" stands for christ and the X is also the part that relates to Unix so Unix must have a very close corolation with the son of God. Just as I suspected. Unix is a religion.
  • by wackybrit ( 321117 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @04:31PM (#4925233) Homepage Journal
    All through SOVIET RUSSIA, twas Christmas before the night,
    Not a controller was stirring, not even a mouse;
    The CAT5 was hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes that broadband soon would be there;

    The friendly geeks were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of CowboyNeal danced in their heads;
    And Taco in his 'kerchief, and Cliff in his cap,
    Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

    When from my PC there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to Mozilla I flew like a flash,
    Tore open my browser, and surfed to the Slash.

    The news on the main page was new, I could boast..
    I could post within 20 seconds 'FIRST POST!!'
    The headline was 'Programmer caught in infinite loop.'
    Doh! Just another of Taco's damn dupes.

    'First Post!!' typed, I was beaming with pride,
    I hit Submit, and then nearly cried
    Someone had beat me, and what did they say?
    "Stephen King dead at 53" today!

    We may complain and bitch at each other
    But every /. user is more like your brother
    Than if you read CNN or Fark or The Knot
    And it's exactly what all other communities are not.
  • One of the comments from the linuxworld site is pretty funny. ------------ Anonymous Unregistered Not Funny 12/19/02 12:06 PM Edit post Edit Reply to this post Reply One time I saw two guys kissing in the park, and that was the gayest thing I had even seen until I read these. I wouldn't like to meet the person that would be entertained by this lame attempt at humor.
  • Or are the rantings against these songs a little much? So you didn't think they were funny: fine. When you consider what gets up to +5, Funny sometimes you'd think there'd be some pretty low standards regarding humor around here ;)
  • For God's sake someone PLEASE take away these guys glasses egg nog!
  • What a downer (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Syncdata ( 596941 ) on Thursday December 19, 2002 @04:51PM (#4925416) Journal
    I know I'm gonna get modded troll for this, but there is one major reason I've never spent the time and effort to learn about linux. It's major supporters are always negative. It's always Microsoft is bad, RIAA is bad, that making money off of labor is bad. Heck, even apple users extol the virtues of their OS more often then knocking Microsoft, and if apple released Macos for PC architecture, I'd give it a shot.
    Seriously, anyone singing these christmas parodies near my door gets an iced snowball to the grill.
  • I made the mistake of putting some Red Hat CDs under the tree last year. Now RMS won't leave me alone, he keeps trying to get me to call it GNU/Christmas.

    This is what I get for being such a cheapskate...

  • I really recommend against this.

    No seriously, back when I was much younger I decided to see what would happen if you had hot Coca Cola. I mean you have hot tea, hot apple cider, etc, and so why not? It tasted bad on the first sip, the second almost made me have to run to the toilet. Just say no :)

    (Yes, I _really did_ try it in one of my moments of bad judgement... :)
  • Internet Songbook (Score:2, Informative)

    by crism ( 194943 )

    Many more nerdly songs, including festive holiday-related ones, are collected in The Internet Songbook [].

  • Deck Slashdot with duplicate stories
    fa la la la la la la la la
    They should fire the uber monkeys
    Fa la la la la la la la la
    CowboyNeal is going senile
    Fa la la, La la la, La la la [] is quite vile
    Fa la la la la la laaa laaaaaa laaaaaaaaaa!
  • Try Hot Dr. Pepper!

    I am told that they really pushed hot Dr Pepper as a replacement for coffee back in the 50's 60's or 70's(Can't Remember). You could also add a little lemon to it. I tried it once unique taste. Maybe some of you old timers remember this.

  • Beowulf, beowulf, clustering away!
    Oh what fun it is to cluster twenty PDA!

    (OK, I got nothing)

  • Call it CHRISTMAS for Christ's sake! Chanukkah is over and Ramadan is long over. Cut the politically correct crap and just say Christmas! You're probably offending more people by abstaining from saying Christmas than you would by saying it anyways.
    • no doubt. I can call it Christmas all I want, I don't care if it offends a fe people. I am sick of the political correct bull-honky that people put up with. I am not politically correct, and all you people will just have to deal with it.
  • *ahem*

    Internet Explorer's Recently Discovered PNG Deflate Heap Corruption Vulnerability

    Twas the night before Christmas, and deep in IE
    A creature was stirring, a vulnerability
    MS02-066 [] was posted on the website with care
    In hopes that Team eEye [] would not see it there

    But the engineers weren't nestled all snug in their beds,
    No, PNG images danced in their heads
    And Riley at his computer, with Drew's and my backing
    Had just settled down for a little PNG cracking

    When rendering an image, we saw IE shatter
    And with just a glance we knew what was the matter
    Away into SoftICE [] we flew in a flash
    Tore open the core dumps, and threw RFC 1951 [] in the trash

    The bug in the thick of the poorly-written code
    Caused an AV exception when the image tried to load
    Then what in our wondering eyes should we see
    But our data overwriting all of heap memory

    With heap management structures all hijacked so quick
    We knew in a moment we could exploit this $#!%
    More rapid than eagles our malicious pic came --
    The hardest part of this exploit was choosing its name

    Derek Soeder
    Software Engineer
    eEye Digital Security

    Link to source []
  • Microsoft Poem XP

    This poem may not be copied.
    This poem may not be sold.
    This poem may not be loaned.
    This poem may not be rented.
    This poem may not be excerpted.
    This poem may not be read aloud.
    This poem may not be summarized.
    This poem may not be reviewed.
    This poem may not be linked to.
    This poem may not be described.
    This poem may not be mentioned.
    This poem may not be remembered.
    This poem may not be any good.
  • So where do I get one of those? Preferably for KDE.
  • On of the funniest SNL (I think) sketches that I ever saw had a version of "Chestnuts roasting..." It went something like "Chipmunks roasting over an open fire..."

    Actually when on a google search for the song, I found the following site Google'c cachse of Fractured Christmas Carols. []

    Oh, and by the way, the version of "chipmunks on the fire" (on the site mentioned above) was most definatly not the one I heard on SNL.

Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in high spirits. -- Robert Louis Stevenson