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Microsoft

Why 1 L3ft Fr33 S0ftw4r3 F0r MS 100

Posted by emmett from the 35r's-g0nna-k1ll-m3-f0r-th1s-0ne;-s0rry-3r1c! dept.
Evro writes "S4l0n h4s 4 f4nt45t1c st0ry 4b0ut 0n3 m4n's tr14lz 4nd tr1bul4t10nz w1th Fr33 S0ftw4r3, 4nd why h3 3nd3d up r3turn1ng t0 M1cr0$0ft pr0ductz -- 4n 1ns1ghtful p0int 0f v13w th4t m4ny Sl4shd0t r34d3rs w0u1d d0 w311 t0 c0ns1d3r." j00 w0u1d b3 4m4z3d h0w m4ny p30pl3 subm1tt3d th1s 4s 4 tru3 st0ry.
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Why 1 L3ft Fr33 S0ftw4r3 F0r MS More

Why 1 L3ft Fr33 S0ftw4r3 F0r MS

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  • That one is pretty good. It would have been funnier if I had been there before and was expecting a site about trucks, but it was funny none the less.

    Thanks.

  • actually I try to keep my Karma right around 42. That dropped it to 41. moderators are getting pissy these days(now it's down to 39)
  • FUCK! SHIT! BALLS!! FUCK!!! SHIT!!!

    ###### ######### ######### #
    #
  • MILL LIKE WIERD POST. MILL AGREE, SHOULD STILL BE ABLE READ POST WITHOUT USE FISH PROGRAM. BUT USE PIG-TONGUE, SPEAK LIKE HAXOR, WHY CARE? MILL READ THOSE EASY. BUT STILL FUNNY. IS APRIL FOOL DAY. WHY NOT HAVE BIG FUN? THAT WHAT APRIL FOOL DAY FOR.
  • The April fools postings in different languages/h4x0r speak is getting a little lame. You've had your fun, get back to work.
  • 01011001
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    00101101
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    --
  • Perhaps Babelfish [altavista.com] could add L33t5p34K to their translation capabilities...

    --
  • Trying to be informative? :-)
  • .. there is nothing to see. The joke is over.
  • wow, this is really getting out of hand. oh well. happy april folls!

  • um... (Score:1)

    by Evro ( 18923 )
    I did not think this was "a true story." Gotta take everything with a grain of salt today.

    _________________

  • > d00d, 1F |_| d0|\|+ |> j00 41|\|+ l337

    Guess I need to learn perl, so I can participate in this discussion too.

    --
  • d00d, /\/\y h34d h3r+z, c\_/+, 0\_/+ +h3 b0ngf1|+3r!

  • ugh (Score:1)

    by chain ( 22865 )
    lame
  • problem #1: I dunno how to program..
    problem #2: see problem number one
    Well, you seem to have mastered recursion...
  • It may be a joke, but it sure points to a few problems. Which are illustrated quite cleary in the comments today.

    "As if anyone needs an entire Internet's worth of ankle-biting critics jumping on every misplaced punctuation mark. "

    "...asking for help in Usenet newsgroups that are mostly populated by rabid mongrels who would rather rip out your throat than answer a simple question."

    Amen.

    Heat that up and pour it down your pants while yelling a hearty "fuck you!" to Natalie Portman.
  • well, just because _your_ family doesn't celebrate april fools' day doesn't mean you can ruin it for the rest of us! ;-)
  • People who don't get it are probably more likely to congratulate him... ;-)
  • I don't know which is scarier...being able to read this without my trusty ascii chart in hand; or reading it in the first place. But like you said, happy april fools!
  • Dammit, I keep hearing about this for the last 6 hours, but I can't find Mentalplex anywhere!!!

  • It does call itself. Indirectly. Duh.

  • What a wonderful inciteful discussion on something that we all fight about... Free software is fun, and occasionaly useful, commercial software it useful and occasionally fun, and CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!
  • All of which you lack.
  • is I can read the article without problem. Those damn script kiddies have corrupted me !!!

  • I think we all can agree that much effort needs to be taken NOW to make Linux as easy to use and maintain as Windows or BeOS. If it don't happen, Linux will get a bad rap, and it will stick with lots of people for a long time.

    Right now, I think BeOS strikes a great balance between Windows and Linux. It is as easy to install, use and maintain as Windows, yet many *nix tools and apps are or will run on BeOS. Even Apache 2.0 alpha runs on it now. Also, many of these apps are open source, including the Mozilla release for BeOS.

    Go ahead and try out the free version of BeOS at free.be.com, and there is even a Linux download from what I hear.

    Overall, BeOS is cheap for such a powerful OS. The next version will also have Multiuser capability to finish out what is already in the file system. Also, there will be a blazing TCP/IP stack, along with more hardware support.

    Also the entire GUI is now open sourced, for those who want to expand it.

    Be has every right to keep the rest of their OS closed, as they need to make money to keep going and protect their investment.

    I suggest that everyone should try BeOS at least once, especially before you bash it.

    EC

    "...we are moving toward a Web-centric stage and our dear PC will be one of
  • Imagine this running on a beowulf cluster!
    ---------------------------------------- ---
  • Translation:
    ----
    Hello Slashdot people. Looks like they are trying to write all kinds articles in other languages. So, i'll write in romanian. If there are any other romanians reading slashdot, please reply to this message.

    Probably a mad moderator who does not get the ideea of april 1st will moderate this to -1, but anyway. Bye
    ----

    Ura ! Traiasca /., linux si romanii !!!

    Translation:
    ---
    Hooray ! Long live /., linux and the romanians !!!
    ---

  • Translation:
    ----
    Anonymous Coward == Lashul Anonim
    ----
  • a) That someone actually typed this up, or
    b) That I can actually read this
  • "I realized just a few days ago that the reason I haven't completed migrating to Linux is that I actually want to spend my time doing useful things. I'm tired of reading incomprehensible How-To documents and asking for help..."

    He's got a point. I mean, sure, us geeks love to hack conf files and set up unstoppable systems, but for Joe Businessman who wants to see what all the hype of Linux is all about, he may find himself out of his league. The on-line help and mindless wizards just aren't all there. I would love to install Linux at work and try out a Unix port of Nortel Network's Site Manager, but if I spend most of my time setting things up, my win2k gunho IT director will come over wondering why the OS install program didnt set all this up. He's a business man, not a tech. (mistake #1) I mean, the man picked AD over NDS! (mistake #2) And we already have NDS in-house running along side NT's domain security. Yes, password synch there is hell. Needless to say, he's been brainwashed by the Microsoft consultants and has been keeping Linux out. (mistake #3) The point I am trying to make (in between the rants) is, Linux isn't very illiterate-friendly and its keeping it from the corporate desktop. It will get there eventually, no doubt about that.

    <sarcasm>And I still have not recieved that plug-in yet. I better delete Linux and install Windows 2000. I won't mind having to disable and re-enable the netcard if I unplug it from the network and plug it right back in. I won't mind having to reboot at least twice a week. I won't mind paying a ton of money for those 63,000+ bugs.</sarcasm>

  • Because if you had to be destroyed, I guess "large firm breasts" [salon.com] would be the way to go. ^_^

  • 10010010 01100110 00000100 10011110 11110110 10101110 01001110 11100100 10100110 00000100 11100110 11110110 01110110 01110110 10000110 00000100 00001110 11110110 11001110 00101110 00000100 10010110 01110110 00000100 01000110 10010110 01110110 10000110 01001110 10011110 00110100 00000100 00001110 11110110 11001110 00101110 00000100 10010110 01110110 00000100 01000110 10010110 01110110 10000110 01001110 10011110 10000100

  • Actually, I ilke google's [google.com] even better than that one.

    the mentalplex is king!

  • writing (Score:1)

    by tiso ( 85075 )
    It would be nice if you could write normally. Must be a problem with your keyboard, huh?
  • So, you've heard of the year 2001 bug haven't you? You see, computers were originaly progragrammed to recognize basic things, to save memory. Then, one day, this evil thing called microsoft came along. Then, computers were incapabale of using any potential they had. Now, in the year 2001, or soon after, there will be this thing called windows millenium edition, which will be the end of PCs as we know it. Be afraid. Be very very afraid. Disclaimer The opinoins expressed above belong to BMIComp, except when mentioned in a lawsuit, and is then not valid. If you read this, you will be forced into buying windows 98. Cows can moo on the weekends.
  • Main Entry: recursion Pronunciation: ri-'k&r-zh&n Function: noun Etymology: Late Latin recursion-, recursio, from recurrere Date: 1616
    1. RETURN
    2. the determination of a succession of elements (as numbers or functions) by operation on one or more preceding elements according to a rule or formula involving a finite number of steps
    3. a computer programming technique involving the use of a procedure, subroutine, function, or algorithm that calls itself in a step having a termination condition so that successive repetitions are processed up to the critical step until the condition is met at which time the rest of each repetition is processed from the last one called to the first -- compare ITERATION
  • Umm - do I have to post a definition of "itself" now?
  • i'm not.

    Mike Roberto (roberto@soul.apk.net [mailto]) - AOL IM: MicroBerto
  • No one can give it up that easy!
  • Evo Writes "my horrible attempt at translation:
    Salon Has A Fantastic Story About One Mans Trials and tribulations with free software, and why ended Up returning to microsoft products - An insightful point of view that many slashdot readers would do well to consider."
    you would be amazed how many people this as a true story.


    metalgeek
  • #!/usr/bin/perl -w
    # I put the contents of the parent comment in the file called "binary".
    open FILE, "<binary" or die $!;
    while () {
    chomp; chop;
    print pack "B8", $_;
    }
    close FILE;
    # Try it, it's... funny? Nah, but I got some practise with the unpack/pack functions...
  • You should post this on http://segfault.org!
  • Anybody who has to bookmark slashdot.org because they can't remember the URL is somebody we are better off without.
  • Scheme, actually:

    (define a 'i) (define b #\ ) (define c 'w) (define d 'a) (define e 's) (define f 'n) (define g #\') (define h 't) (define i 'h) (define j 'k) (define k 'g) (define l 'b) (define m 'o) (define n 'u) (define o '.) (string-append a (string-append b (string-append c (string-append ............

    Just for starters :-) (a whole bunch of "call-with-current-continuation"s (Scheme, but so what) would really drive people up the wall.)

    Too bad I spend so much time writing a reply to an AC. btw, what I was trying to say obfruscatedly and incompletely above was "I wasn't thinking about that."

  • Posting stuff in hacker(/script kiddie)-ese is not any joke -- it's still English, and x % of us nerds can read it without trouble. If you really wanted to make an April Fools joke, post a story in LISP.

    btw, Google [google.com]'s got a neat new feature.

  • Just have Slashdot run the output of comments.pl [slashdot.org] through FreeTranslations [freetranslations.com], and there ya go.

    Actually, it would look funnier if it was instead run through the Dialectizer (no link handy)

  • K (Score:1)

    by nattey ( 102957 )
    Is this the end of the world as we know it?!!!
  • problem #1: I dunno how to program.. problem #2: see problem number one Well, you seem to have mastered recursion...

    Nope, this would be recursion:

    problem #1: see problem number one

    Dilbert: I have become one with my computer. It is a feeling of ecstacy... the blend of logic and emotion. I have reached...
  • go to www.atoma.f2s.com ! it`s mega cool for nanotech

  • I think that what really would have been funny is instead of posting all of these articles in 1337 speak and in foreign languages that take forever to read, you should have taken our comments and warped them into another language, having everyone trying to post w/o using their 26 character keys would have been hilarious.

    Angelo
  • there is no hope for the world *sighs* I was jking and a friend of mine really tried this :~(

  • Err oh wait that was an april fools ;-)

  • Hij ligt plat. Hij doet het niet.

    SlashDot effect???
  • 'Guess that the admin has fallen for the age-old 'April cleanup hoax'...
  • I don't get it. Until now, I really thought /. readers were humorous, intelligent beings. But several of todays postings proved me wrong. Sad!

    Well, I just loved it. I like contemplating over cryptic texts ;o)

    go on with it!
  • Can you say... Karma Whore?

    I knew you could!

  • know it's true. People who want to get things done, and people who have to support the average user know the beauty of Microsoft's products. Don't get me wrong, I love Linux, but I would never in a million years consider trying to migrate all of my own data, nevermind my users' data to Linux. I'd rather suffer the wrath of millions of /. readers than subject myself to that kind of punishment. If any of you have gone through just helping a non-technical person upgrade from one version of Windows to another, you should understand what I mean. BUT, I'll probably get flamed for not conforming to the twenty-something computer science programmer elitist way of thinking. It's too bad you guys can't think for yourselves, and use common sense. Linux is just plain not read for the average user's desktop. And no, it's not a *good thing* because it allows you to feel superior for being able to use it. It's a *bad thing* because the average person doesn't give a crap about Linux, except for the overvalued IPO's. Sorry about the ranting, but sometimes you people make me sick.

  • :P (Score:1)

    by Arcanix ( 140337 )
    Making fun of "hax0rs" has been overdone so much that anyone who does it is lame themselves.
  • This must be the result of the reset and cleaning of the internet.

    What other explanatin is there?

  • After all, it's dead easy [crosswinds.net].

    --Hikari
  • Did you try to submit this as a story?
    That's the joke that should have been posted on Slashdot today. It's the best one I've seen on the web so far, second only to the Google one.

    Great piece of work if you ask me, congrads.

    -Earthling

  • Croeso!

    Cymru am byth! Rydw i'n ysgtifennu yng Nghymraeg yn Slashdot!

    Sorry - had to add Welsh to the list......

    Happy April 1st ;-)
  • We'd take you a bit more seriously if you had the guts to reveal who you are, of course.

    Trolls amuse me, how many of them would walk into a bar and shout "you're all donkey balls"? None.

    Because without anonymity they're cowards!
  • Well, I gotta gloom, it's almost ready to evolve, how 'bout I throw in a beel sprout to sweeten the deal?
  • no sense of humor? stick to CNN today, then. We like it.
  • that's a good idea, let's just post funnier april fools jokes from around the web. if you're a kevin smith fan, News Askew [newsaskew.com] has a good one. their one last year was good too.
  • Yes, and I Feel Fine.

    --
  • \/\/0r5t 1s th4t 3y3 5t43D \_/p 411 N1t3 5urf1ng D4 \/\/3b 4 4Rt1kl35 4nd 0th3r 4pR1l f00l5 51t35.

    huah!
  • Mr. Anonymous Coward:

    The correct spelling for any set of letters that result in a phonetical sound of [ar(e)^g] or [aru^g] is:

    "AAArg"(tm)

    if in especially strained circumstances one may modify it such that the spelling is not retained but THE CAPITALIZATION AND RELATIVE PORPORTIONS BETWEEN THE LETTERS must be kept faithful to the original rendering of "AAArg"(tm). ie:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrgggggg!!!!!!! (tm)

    I have trademarked AAArg(tm):
    1) as the handle of Justus Pang the person (in which case spelling of AAArg(tm) must also be correct)
    2) and released AAArg(tm) into public circles for the limited usage of AAArg(tm) as a exclaimation of frustration.

    I take all trademark violations seriously and will prosecute. I should note there is a case pending against www.aaarg.com but am not at liberty to release any further information.

    AAArg (tm)
  • hehe dunno why I am still up...but yeah...my brain has been sizzled for quite some time...

    I'll try to be a better l33t h4x0r next year...
  • some people aren't built to give that much. I know when I'm to the point where I can write stuff it's all going to be open source.... problem #1: I dunno how to program.. problem #2: see problem number one --------------------------
  • What's worse is that you're using "4" to mean both "for" and "a".
  • If you don't like Slashdot, why do you come here?
  • You will bow down and worship his imense power to DOMINATE! This is SATAN! Over and out!!
  • 77 6f 77 2c 20 74 68 69 73 20 69 73 20 72 65 61 6c 6c 79 20 67 65 74 74 69 6e 67 20 6f 75 74 20 6f 66 20 68 61 6e 64 2e 20 6f 68 20 77 65 6c 6c 2e 20 68 61 70 70 79 20 61 70 72 69 6c 20 66 6f 6f 6c 73 21
  • it makes me sick to see that even /. has taken to the nasty habbit of making bullshit stories on april 1st. time to go to sleep.

    .brad


    drink tea
    http://www.specialtea.com [specialtea.com]
  • eww new icons suX0r ;) ...and i wuz only j0king about the a500 muhah
  • i'm wondering how much hate mail he'll get from people who don't get it...
  • i think there was a lot more truth in Hemos' first post [slashdot.org] last night than any of us suspected.

    my interpretation of it is that the "spring cleaning" is metaphorical; while the internet is not, in reality, being "disconnected", so much of the internet is rendered unusable by the kind of jokes that have gripped slashdot today that it might as well be "down for system maitenence". So no, it's not down, but it's also useless, and people might as well take Hemos' advice and follow your example and disconnect their "terminals" for the day.

    that being said, the whole slashdot-marketing thing was really funny.
    Malkovich!
  • d00d, 1F |_| d0|\|+ |> j00 41|\|+ l337

  • All l33t skript k1ddi3z sh0u1d ch3k 0u7 th1s!!!!

    l33t.freshmeat.net [freshmeat.net]

    1tz /raD, d00dz!!!!!

  • > Actually, you will discover that for at least some A.C.'s the objective is to shine a bright light on some of the incredible lying bullshit that gets said on this site.

    While the majority, OTOH, are trying to obstruct the feeble light shining from this site by posting loads of incredible lying bullshit.

    --
  • April 1st is the worst day for the Internet, I'm not browsing anymore today.
  • Check out Microsoft and the Freedom to Innovate [microsoft.com] I don't think it was just put up today, But it was certainly the biggest joke I've seen today! *grin*.
  • 01001110
    01100001
    01110100
    01100001
    01101100
    01101001
    01100101
    00100000
    01100001
    01110100
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    01110100
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    Thankyou.
  • What about some sto'y usin' de JIBE filter? Slashdot gots'ta been pipin' sto'ies drough all manna' of filters so's why not JIBE?

    I dink dis be a case uh filta' descriminashun.

    I dink it's time Andova' get's deir asses sued. Right On! :)

  • Vhet ebuoot a stury useeng zee jeefe-a feelter? Sleshdut hes beee peeping stureees thruoogh ell munner ooff feelters su vhy nut jeefe-a?

    I theenk thees is a cese-a ooff feelter descreemineshun.

    I theenk it's teeme-a Undufer get's zeeur esses sooed! :)

  • Excellent new search feature at Google. Release April 1!

    http://www.google.com [google.com]
    -------------------------------------------
  • I still like F150Online's [f150online.com] April Fools joke better.

    -Kris
  • Just in time for the theatrical release of The Skulls [theskulls.net], comes:
    The Sku11s [thesku11s.com]. Only an 3l33t f3w are invited to join...

    Want to work at Transmeta? Hedgefund.net? AT&T?

  • Is Free Love the show that runs opposite to Who wants to marry a multi-millionaire?

  • leaving Linux to join Microsoft. dude, you should like, be worshiped or something. I mean come on man, you rule. Not.
  • Don't get me wrong... I too, love Linux to death. I do feel the pain though, when I am forced to rely on the whim of others - who are not writing this software for profit - to get things bugs fixed, hardware supported, and projects finished. Personally, I like Free Software, but do little to help its success.

    This brings up a question I've been thinking about for a while (Slashdot Poll anyone?):
    How many people out there use free software extensively? How many of those who use it actually help support free software by writing GPLed code themselves, beta-testing (and reported the bugs!), or even answering questions on newsgroups for newbies? Everyone likes a free lunch, but I wonder how many out there actually dedicate their time
    to produce software (without getting paid).
    I know I for one would like to help out, but it is so hard to get motivated after a long workday of programming to code some more "just for fun".

    I feel that free software is sort of like public TV. You can watch it without paying, but its more ethical if you do something to help out. The question is, how many of us "help out"?

  • 3l1t3! (Score:3)

    by Accipiter ( 8228 ) on Saturday April 01, 2000 @07:18AM (#1157537)
    L00k 4t m3, tr1nity.
    I'm an er33t hax0r. i 0wn j00

    1 g0t r3wt on all j00r box0rs.

    h4w!

    -- Give him Head? Be a Beacon?

  • Tux's fondest wish fulfilled (Score:3)

    by anonymous cowerd ( 73221 ) on Saturday April 01, 2000 @07:31AM (#1157538) Homepage

    At least if I were Tux it would be my dream come true. [salon.com]

    Yours WDK - WKiernan@concentric.net

  • Ballmer's List (Score:3)

    by G-Man ( 79561 ) on Saturday April 01, 2000 @08:40AM (#1157539)
    Redmond (AP) -- The software industry was rocked today by the revelation that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer had been secretly sheltering persecuted Free Software programmers within the company's various business divisions. Ballmer, with the help of a sympathetic aide, had kept a list of programmers he knew to be writing code for open source operating systems such as Linux and FreeBSD, and had sought to place them in obscure positions in the company where they could work unmolested.

    One midlevel executive, who asked not to be identified, said "We're all shocked. Apparently Steve was placing workers in divisions he knew we'd pay little attention to -- places like Quality Control, the Macintosh Products Division -- those sorts of places." It is now believed that between 1994 and 1997, Ballmer had attempted to place most free software workers within the Internet Explorer division. With most of Microsoft concentrated on the Microsoft Network (MSN), the release of IE as a freely downloadable program was to be merely a prelude to the release of the IE source code itself.

    However, others executives including Gates became suspicious of Ballmer's motives, and in 1998 a new policy was implemented for Internet Explorer. From then on, IE was to become part of the Windows 98 operating system itself, and many of Ballmer's workers were scattered to other divisions.

    Ballmer's motivations and his scheme were exposed last week, when during a board meeting he proposed opening the source code to Windows 2000 as a means of placating the Justice Department in its lawsuit against Microsoft. It is now believed that the promotion of Ballmer to CEO was engineered by Gates to lure him out into the open. Microsoft's other board members yesterday voted unanimously for Ballmer's removal as CEO of the corporation.

    As he left the Redmond campus this morning, a weeping Ballmer expressed regret that he did not do more. Pointing to his Rolex watch, a teary-eyed Ballmer said "You see this! This could have paid for a few more device drivers!" Referring to his Porsche sports car, he said "And this! This could have paid for a whole new window manager!"

    Reaction within the free software community has been one of shock. Reached at his Cambridge, Massachussetts home, open source advocate Richard M. Stallman expressed gratitude that Ballmer had sheltered Free Software programmers within Microsoft, but still held reservations about his prominent role within the corporation. Nevertheless, on Monday, Stallman will propose changing the GNU Public License to declare Ballmer a "Righteous Closed Source Worker", the highest honor that can be bestowed upon someone who is not Free Software programmer.

  • I think (Score:4)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 01, 2000 @07:19AM (#1157540)
    3mm3tt and t1m0thy 4r3 b0th fl4m1ng h0m0s3xu4ls

  • Which is worse? (Score:4)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday April 01, 2000 @07:19AM (#1157541)
    I don't know what is the worse of these three things:
    • I could actually read the 1337 speak without too much trouble.
    • Slashdot posted a story in 1337 speak.
    • I'm replying to the article.
    God save us all.

  • F1rst l33t Ha1ku (Score:5)

    by mav[LAG] ( 31387 ) on Saturday April 01, 2000 @07:12AM (#1157542)

    Slashd0t f0und3rs tr0ll
    Sudd3nly ACs R p1ss3d
    B00t 0n 0th3r f00t

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