Spam King to Sing For Feds? 202
Vainglorious Coward writes "Infoworld is repeating the rumours that Alan 'spam king' Ralsky has been arrested by the Feds. With the file sealed for 72 hours, the article claims the underworld is abuzz with concern that, faced with enough evidence to put him in jail, Ralsky will squeal on his associates. We should know in the next couple of days whether any of the roaches scurrying for cover are going to get stomped."
Damn him to hell (Score:0, Funny)
Isn't it odd that the worst classes of nasty, fastidious perjurers there are, whose hate-filled, huffy lifestyle will transform our whole society to suit Mr. Ralsky's own obtrusive, mingy interests eventually, are immune from censure? Why is that? After days of agonized pondering and reflection, I finally came to the conclusion that from secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, Mr. Ralsky's followers have always found a way to malign and traduce me. Mr. Ralsky does not want to turn our country into a devious cesspool overrun with scum, disease, and crime because he is fatuitous, illiberal, possession-obsessed, and unregenerate (though, granted, Mr. Ralsky is all of the aforementioned), but rather because if I were to compile a list of Mr. Ralsky's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that everything I've said so far is by way of introduction to the key point I want to make in this letter. My key point is that Mr. Ralsky's squibs can be subtle. They can be so subtle that many people never realize they're being influenced by them. That's why we must proactively notify humanity that Mr. Ralsky's whinges are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I free people from the spell of adversarialism that Mr. Ralsky has cast over them, his invariant response is to kill the goose bearing the golden egg. Mr. Ralsky's unimaginative, myopic quips replace our natural soul with an artificial one. News of this deviousness must spread like wildfire if we are ever to give you some background information about him. What I take much more seriously than disdainful hackers are mean-spirited peddlers of snake-oil remedies, but what makes matters completely intolerable is knowing that when I say that many obdurate beguilers are taken in by Mr. Ralsky's attestation that university professors must conform their theses and conclusions to his disorganized prejudices if they want to publish papers and advance their careers, this does not, I repeat, does not mean that his mistakes are always someone else's fault. This is a common fallacy held by lazy, garrulous ruffians.
In Mr. Ralsky's histrionics, mandarinism is witting and unremitting, power-drunk and distasteful. He revels in it, rolls in it, and uses it to shift blame from those who benefit from oppression to those who suffer from it. Mr. Ralsky sees no reason why he shouldn't ridicule, parody, censor, and downgrade opposing ideas. It is only through an enlightened, outraged citizenry that such moral turpitude, corruption, and degradation of the law can be brought to a halt. So, let me enlighten and outrage you by stating that I, speaking as someone who is not a snappish, voyeurism-prone publisher of hate literature, cannot too often emphasize the simple fact that it is sad to see Mr. Ralsky render unspeakable and unthinkable whole categories of bel
Mob Justice (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Damn him to hell (Score:2, Funny)
I'm sure.. (Score:5, Funny)
I'm sure Mr. Ralsky's associates have nothing to fear. An upstanding, honest businessman such as himself would never rat on his friends.
Singing (Score:5, Funny)
Prison too good for him! (Score:5, Funny)
Let the punishment fit the crime, no plea bargains (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Let the punishment fit the crime, no plea barga (Score:5, Funny)
I think I got some spam for a site like this just a few days ago...
Let's be generous.... (Score:5, Funny)
If Ralsky deserves only one second of jail for each minute infuriated users have lost deleting his crap, this could ammount to thousands of years of jail.
I'll be generous and I'll accept that his time in jail be divided by ten if he tells the Feds everything he knows !
Cheers !
let's test some of this stuff on him (Score:4, Funny)
He won't mind. There is a distinct possibility of failure, but if things go rotten he can always take a few penis pills.
(one wonders... if vitamin pills contain vitamins and garlic pills contain garlic, what might penis pills contain?)
Squeal on His Associates? (Score:2, Funny)
Gifts for his cell mate. (Score:4, Funny)
See if his cell mate lets him opt-out.
Re:finally... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Mob Justice (Score:3, Funny)
Bruno could show him just how well they worked...
MAKE $$$ FAST!!!!! (Score:0, Funny)
Yes... I stole this from Bash; sue me.
Re:Rumor control... (Score:3, Funny)
Slashdot Crowd loves Federal Government (Score:4, Funny)
slashdotCrowd.getsSuperExcited();
else if (Feds.prosecute() == AnybodyElse)
slashdotCrowd.getsSuperMad();
Re:Slashdot Crowd loves Federal Government (Score:1, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:4, Funny)
poor guy (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I'm sure.. (Score:3, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
Genuine offer!!! (Score:4, Funny)
Recently an associate of mine Alan Rasky was arrested by the FBI on charges of sending spam and unsolicted emails. I assure you my friend that these charges are totally unfounded and he really needs your help.
He has $10,000,000 ten million dollars sitting in a Swiss bank account which he needs to pay for his lawyers. He can not get that money because the FBI will confiscate it if he trys to access it.
My friend, I am asking you as a Christian to help my friend Mr Rasky with little effort from yourself. All you have to do is allow us to transfer the $10,000,000 TEN MILLION DOLLARS through your personal account.
This will be at no risk or effort to yourself. Mr Ramsky understands the effort you will be going through and thus is offering you $250,000 TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for your help.
Please my friend, I ask you to help Mr Ramsky in his hour of need.
opt out (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Damn him to hell (Score:1, Funny)
Unfortunately I don't understand why you say that Mr. Ralsky would love to see colleges morph into small, ivy-covered North Koreans. Perhaps you could go into further depth.