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I Believe You Have My Stapler

Posted by michael on Wed Jul 10, 2002 10:20 PM
from the chisel-point dept.
It's funny. Laugh.
yack0 writes "After three years of demand and countless calls, emails and letters, you can finally buy a Red Swingline Stapler. Hooray! As noted in this wall street journal article and confirmed by this page at the Swingline Stapler web site you can now pick up a Red Swingline stapler for merely twice the price of a plain black stapler. However, a colleague of mine says that the online order form is reading around $16 for his right now. Now all the cubicle dwelling prairie dogs can get one step closer to burning down the building." The red stapler has become some sort of cult icon at this point.
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  • I put. . . by bplipschitz (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:30PM
    • Re:I put. . . by Jonny Ringo (Score:1) Thursday July 11 2002, @10:44AM
    • 1 reply beneath your current threshold.

  • If you never saw the movie... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Bogatyr (69476) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:32PM (#3862128) Homepage
    follow the IMDB link to learn about Office Space [imdb.com].

    PETER GIBBONS
    'So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's me on the worst day of my life..'.

  • All around the country... (Score:5, Funny)

    by GriffX (130554) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:34PM (#3862134) Homepage
    Office managers are putting on their O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!

  • Red stapler by Anonymous Coward (Score:2) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:35PM

  • Office Space creates Anarchy (Score:5, Funny)

    by stewartj (525869) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:35PM (#3862142) Homepage
    I work at motorola. Motorola is undoubtedly a huge source of inspiration for things like Office Space, and *especially* Dilbert. During out "Employee Well-Being" week they showed Office Space in one of the break rooms. It created anarchy when people saw the reality of their office lives!

    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy (Score:4, Funny)

      by Peyna (14792) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:38PM (#3862154) Homepage
      You would be surprised how much the movie Office Space applies to non cubical jobs as well. While working a factory I experienced many similar things to the movie. Such as, if I messed up, I had 5 people telling me about it and reminding me about it. And there was a lady one line over that would talk on her phone and had the most annoying laugh in the world (and this was a pretty loud factory too!). There's more than that, but it was pretty amazing how it paralleled to even a factor job.
      [ Parent ]

      • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy (Score:5, Funny)

        by scott1853 (194884) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:44PM (#3862181)
        I worked at a Xerox factory after high school. I only had one boss tell me I wasn't doing something right. The next day though, there were posters ALL over the clean room with clipart people showing the right and wrong ways of doing it. Talk about overkill.
        [ Parent ]

      • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy (Score:5, Interesting)

        by Monkelectric (546685) <slashdotNO@SPAMmonkelectric.com> on Thursday July 11 2002, @12:12AM (#3862546)
        Office Space is really an indictment of corporate culture and to a much lesser extent capitalism. One thing that was disturbingly true at my last place of employment [systems admin] was always the "staying late." My fucking boss would walk in at 1:00pm for his first meeting, get out of that at 2:00, catch up on some work, maybe teach a class, then at 4:30 he'd wander in and ask you "how late can you stay tonight? " To quote brain candy I said, "fucker I've been here for 8 hours already!" but then out loud I said "How late do you need me?" Another just criminal thing they would do to me is, at noon they would they would tell me, "I need to see you at 4:00 its important." And then I'd spin my wheels for 4 hours, and finally they'd drop some shit on me like "I need a webmail system running before you leave tonight."(not exadurating, this was said to me). But most of the time it was shit that wasn't even my job "I need you to convert this journal paper into a PDF" (hardcopy only). One day I had worked 17 hours with no lunck/breaks to help meet a deadline created by my boss not starting a proposal until 24 hours before it had to be fedexed. By the end I had a crushing headache and was having trouble seeing from exhaustion, and at 3:00am my boss had the balls to ask me "What time can you be here in the morning? 10:00? We need you at 10" (knowing full well I had a 35 mile commute each way) ... which brings me to the real problem - respect. Most managers have no respect for their employees.
        [ Parent ]
        • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by The_Shadows (Score:3) Thursday July 11 2002, @08:10AM

          • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy (Score:5, Interesting)

            by Monkelectric (546685) <slashdotNO@SPAMmonkelectric.com> on Thursday July 11 2002, @09:00AM (#3863908)

            No offense man, but grow some cajones. If they fire you, they fire you

            One thing that was disturbingly true at my last place of employment

            I know it's subtle, but "was" and "last" are past tense, indicating I am no longer working there :)

            That story is actually more like enron meets office space. I had wanted to quit for about a year, but I had debts to pay and I wanted to stay at the job for atleast two years to look good on a resume. My boss and a official from accounting approached me one day telling me they were going to have the university write me a check and I was going to write most of the check back to them and that they needed to do this because they had paid me out of the wrong account :) Long story short I dont believe shit my boss tells me and the plan would have gotten me in *UBER* hot water with the IRS and NSF both whom the plan defrauded.

            So I went to the universities Judicial Director (the university interface to the legal system), who hooked me up with a detective and a deputy district attorney, for whom I agreed to setup my boss for prosecution by completing the fraud under the supervision of the police. On two occasions I wore a wire to document the planning of the crime for the police... and now that my boss is either going to be fired, sentured, or jailed, I quit.

            Is that enuf "cajones" for you? You really shouldn't use your +2 bonus for stupid comments.

            [ Parent ]
        • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by MaxVlast (Score:1) Thursday July 11 2002, @07:38AM
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        • 4 replies beneath your current threshold.

    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy (Score:5, Funny)

      by delcielo (217760) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:02PM (#3862292) Journal
      You know, the only reason I don't watch that movie very often is that it's TOO realistic. Watching that movie is like going to work.
      [ Parent ]
    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by MrP- (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:37PM
    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by guttentag (Score:2) Thursday July 11 2002, @12:22AM
    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by taernim (Score:1) Thursday July 11 2002, @03:07AM
    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by babbage (Score:1) Thursday July 11 2002, @08:31AM
    • Re:Office Space creates Anarchy by MagnaMark (Score:2) Thursday July 11 2002, @09:55AM
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  • Cultural Icon (Score:5, Interesting)

    by HBergeron (71031) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:37PM (#3862149)
    being an afficionado of dark comedy, I have long been a fan of Office Space. I may be one of five buyers of the (poorly produced) DVD. The performances, particularly Ron Livingstone (hugely underrated actor) and Diedrich Bader (almost unrecognizable) make it a real gem.

    On the subject of red staplers, why has the post WWII workplace insisted on mono-color conformity? It seems almost a conspiracy to ensure that office workers be isolated from as much visual stimulation as possible. Is it so important that the occasional visitor/client not see a single clash of colors that offends their sensibility? It would not revolutionize the drudgery of the workplace, but more allowances for individuality and color can't help but improve the condiditon of those who must exist in that environment from day to day.

    The whole "flair" concept at the Houlihans type restaurant carries the same theme. Even where modern business allows disorder, it cannot be individually expressive disorder, it must be carefully regimented and designed to communicate the corporate message, not a personal one.

    The dot com bust has given added credence to those who actually advocate this kind of enforced conformity - they point to a free form, more open dot com workplaces as a symptom or cause of the crash, and are using it to crush any new proposal to create a more humanized, comfortable workplace. Just my two cents. Great movie if you haven't seen it.
  • Our DBA talks like Milton by oingoboingo (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:37PM

  • **£££'s in eyes moment** (Score:5, Funny)

    by The_Guv'na (180187) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:38PM (#3862157) Homepage Journal

    ...merely twice the price of a plain black stapler...

    /me runs off to buy black staplers and red paint.

  • Sheeesh by Fear the Clam (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:43PM
  • what I want to know is by Dr. Awktagon (Score:2) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:45PM
  • those poor web developers... by orion67 (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:45PM
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  • co-winky-dink by psxndc (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:46PM

  • 5W1NG71N3 IZ 4 5UXX0RZ!! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Quarters (18322) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:47PM (#3862200)
    Bostich makes the l33t paper fastening devices.
  • "the magic of product placement" by Edmund Blackadder (Score:2) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:47PM
    • Re: also note by Lord Bitman (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:13PM
      • Re: also note by MsGeek (Score:2) Thursday July 11 2002, @11:46AM
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    • 1 reply beneath your current threshold.
  • All Your Staplers by Snoopy77 (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:47PM
    • 1 reply beneath your current threshold.
  • Office space MP3 by Mandelbrot-5 (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:48PM

  • Swingline /.'ed (Score:5, Funny)

    by idonotexist (450877) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:48PM (#3862211)
    Great, I can't log onto the server to read/view information concerning the red stapler. You know what this means? Swingline concludes it has discovered the killer stapler > Swingline restates their expectations for earnings > Analysts upgrade Swingline stock > Swingline stock doubles > Swingline earnings do not meet expectations > Analysts downgrade Swingline stock > Swingline stock tumbles > Multiple class action suits are filed against Swingline > Swingline auditor accused of fraud though it went "over and above the, just sort of the normal by-the-books audit arrangement" [cnn.com] ;) > Swingline enters bankruptcy > no more staplers.
  • google cache by berck (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:49PM
  • alliwantismyredstapler by Emugamer (Score:2) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:51PM
  • what I wonder... by laserjet (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:51PM

  • Obligatory Onion Reference (Score:5, Funny)

    by tunabomber (259585) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:53PM (#3862236) Homepage
    I remember read an issue of the Onion, circa 1999, which had a news headline:

    New Stapler Makes All Other Staplers Look Like Worthless Shit

    There was no article, just a headline and a picture of a generic, black stapler.
  • According to IMDB [imdb.com] the original stapler was just painted anyways:

    The red Swingline stapler that Milton was so afraid of having taken away was never actually manufactured by the Swingline company; it was instead painted red by a crew member in the props department. However, following the movie's success on video as a cult film, the demand for red Swingline staplers (apparently as a symbol of quiet rebellion among cubicle-bound employees) was so great that the company began to sell the red Swingline stapler on its website..

    ---

    So break out that red paint and make your own... ;)

  • Why Milton and Dilbert succeed (Score:5, Interesting)

    by teetam (584150) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:57PM (#3862264) Homepage
    What I say here might be controversial, but cultural background plays a big role in the office environment.

    Ancient cultures (like China and India) tend to emphasize on hierarchy and obedience rather than questioning and innovation. When immigrant bachelor developers stay till midnight everyday and come to work on weekends, they set the same expectations on everyone else. Anyone who leaves at six because he has a life is viewed as being less of a team player. Also, important technical decisions might end up being taken outside the normal working hours.

    Things only get worse when, after a few years, these same people become managers.

    Some other symptoms are (i) dependence on individual brilliance rather than a good system and (ii) concentration of knowledge within a few individuals.

    I am not blaming anyone and certainly not all immigrant developers fit the above pattern, but there is a cultural aspect to work and I am merely pointing it out.

    BTW, I came from India three years ago.

    • Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by sean23007 (Score:2) Thursday July 11 2002, @12:00AM

    • Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed (Score:5, Informative)

      by Skyshadow (508) on Thursday July 11 2002, @12:21AM (#3862568) Homepage
      Amen.

      I was one of three westerners in a Chinese office (as in, moved-from-Beijing-a-year-before) for just short of a year, and the place burned me out faster and more completely than I thought possible.

      Nobody, and I mean nobody, ever put in less than a twelve hour day, six or seven days a week. Even when there was no deadline, you were expected to be there. What was really happening was that nobody was really *working* that much, they'd just all adapted their lives around work -- they'd take long lunches and dinners, play at least an hour of ping-pong a day, have their kids would come visit at night, etc.

      As an native American (although only a fraction Native American) with (IMO) a pretty solid work ethic, I looked terrible if I left "early" or said I couldn't come in on a Sunday for whatever reason. My boss called me on it one time, and I pointed out that I *always* met my deadlines and that I applied myself at work more than any of my coworkers. From his reaction, it was clear that wasn't the point -- I wasn't showing the proper dedication, defined strictly as spending time at work.

      Anyhow, I got laid off last year after I told them I was going home to the midwest for Christmas (during a time with no pressing deadlines and using the company's posted holidays and a weekend). It took me five months to find another decent job, but not for one second did I wish I still worked there.

      [ Parent ]
    • Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed by australopithecus (Score:2) Thursday July 11 2002, @01:01AM

      • Re:Why Milton and Dilbert succeed (Score:5, Interesting)

        by teetam (584150) on Thursday July 11 2002, @01:10AM (#3862717) Homepage
        As I said in my original post, I am an Indian who came to USA three years ago. I am so glad to see replies that have stuck with objective views.

        So let me tell you something - there are many, many Chinese and Indians who feel like you and I do. They tend to be silent because they are in a worse position than you. If you don't like a job, all you have to do is walk off to another company.

        Take me, for example. I am working on a H1 visa. If I am laid off, the INS immediately treats as being out of status and my countdown clock starts ticking. Even if I get interviews (past the citizens and GC only companies) and a job, I still have to wait a few more months for my new H1 to be approved. Under these circumstances, would I risk telling people at work how I really feel? No. I work as late as anyone else and make sure I am always around when people are looking for me, whatever be the time

        The H1 visa is a brilliant form of modern slavery that has the consent of everyone involved!

        [ Parent ]
    • not completely true by lingqi (Score:2) Thursday July 11 2002, @02:24AM
    • 1 reply beneath your current threshold.
  • OT: Office Space Quiz by gmanske (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @10:58PM

  • Liquid TV--the birth of Milton (Score:5, Informative)

    by PDG (100516) <pdg@webcrush.com> on Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:02PM (#3862290) Homepage
    Actually, Milton and the epic of the stapler didn't originate in 'Office Space' but rather Judge's cartoon short from MTV's Liquid Television progam.

    The skit basically showed Lumbherg and Milton having their classic confrontation about the stapler, moving his office down to the basement, and what not.

    Judge made 'Office Space' from this skit.
  • Holiday Gift Item! by trentfoley (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:02PM
  • You never know what will be worth money someday... by jerkychew (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:11PM

  • Umkayy? (Score:3, Funny)

    by di0s (582680) <cabbot917@@@gmail...com> on Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:18PM (#3862375) Homepage Journal
    Hell, Lumbergh fucked her...

  • yay! (Score:5, Funny)

    by MrP- (45616) <rob@noSPam.elitemrp.net> on Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:39PM (#3862449) Homepage
    yay, now i can get a red Swingline stapler. Now all I need is a Jump to Conclusions Mat.
    • Re:yay! by nege (Score:1) Thursday July 11 2002, @12:24PM
  • I'll buy one by kermit6306 (Score:1) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:41PM
  • Oh yea, SimStapler! by ThesQuid (Score:2) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:55PM

  • Peter -- Check Out Channel 9 (Score:3, Funny)

    by TheRhino (87111) on Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:56PM (#3862502) Homepage
    Hey, Peter, forget this article, check out what's on Channel 9!
  • One of my favorite films of all time by psypete (Score:2) Wednesday July 10 2002, @11:59PM
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