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IT Career Horoscopes 294

HRHsoleil writes "If you're addicted to horoscopes, you going to love these Horoscopes for geeks." Mine was surprisingly accurate, thus proving beyond a shadow of a doubt the power that a gaseous orb a zillion miles away exhibits upon my laptop.
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IT Career Horoscopes

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  • Umm...no.. (Score:5, Funny)

    by Gibble ( 514795 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:20AM (#7033607) Homepage
    If you try to stay in control, you will only set yourself up for disappointment. Let go. Focus on projects that will benefit others and show off your altruistic side. Your co-workers look up to you more than you think. Problem-solving discussions are fruitful -- as long as you don't forget to follow up your words with concrete action. This is a good time to take a second look at an idea you've previously discarded. You've got a new frame of reference and will be able to see farther down the road than most. Be sure to pay attention to financial responsibilities and investments

    Yeah right, the day "Problem-solving discussions are fruitful" is the day hell freezes over.
  • by Mr. Fusion ( 235351 ) * on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:21AM (#7033612)
    I see lots of spam mail from registration in your future...

    Excuse me, those are newsletters

    -Mr. Fusion

  • No more baked beans for you, I think.
  • Clever (Score:5, Informative)

    by jbellis ( 142590 ) * <jonathan&carnageblender,com> on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:21AM (#7033617) Homepage
    But not, I think, as clever as Weird Al. [com-www.com] :)
  • Which one is mine? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by henrygb ( 668225 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:22AM (#7033618)
    I read all 12 to try to discover if they could tell me when I was born - but they all seemed as descriptive as each other.
    • i have a habit of lying about my sign.

      them: what's your sign.
      me:[insert random star sign here]
      them: oh that is so you.

      in twelve years i have only been caught once off the bat. and that was by my mom.

      • If anybody asks me, and I manage to avoid going into a rant about how Astrology is one of the prime examples of popular ignorance in the modern age, I say that my sign is "Orion".

        -Rob
    • They were pretty descriptive, weren't they! I certainly don't believe in astrology, I just think the page was well written. The author certainly gives the impression of being a real IT person, or at least somebody who knows their audience very well.
  • by mccalli ( 323026 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:22AM (#7033628) Homepage
    Fix up your workspace because company's coming! ...this is really the time to get down to the business of cleaning up your own personal act and taking care of those loose ends that keep you up nights.

    Hmm. So how did it know that my second kid is due any day now, and that the first one is still keeping me awake by howling to the rooftops at night?

    I'm convinced. No really, I am. Honest.

    Cheers,
    Ian

  • by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:22AM (#7033629)
    I'm paraphrasing here, but when talking about horoscopes, Carl Sagan summarised them like this:

    The idea behind horoscopes is that the way the planets were aligned when you were born affects you. The only way this could actually be true is if it was their respective pulls of gravity against your body while being born.

    Then he pointed out that the gravitational pull of the obstetrician that delivered you far outweighed that of any celestial body.
    • by ronmon ( 95471 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:40AM (#7033850)
      And I think most of us could guess where the good docotor was positioned at that moment.
    • Which is a little arrogant perhaps. It is possible that there are other forces in the universe that we don't know about. Who says they're not giving off waves of Crappon particles that science is unable to detect, but do manage to affect things?

      And while we're at it, the gravitational effect of the obstetrician is currently much lower than that of most planets since he's not standing right next to me any more. Perhaps if he decdied to visit me, astrology would have something to say about that.

      n.b. I
      • by kisrael ( 134664 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @11:08AM (#7034095) Homepage
        For the record, I think people who are trying to put forward astrology in the modern age don't argue that the stars are affecting you, but the stars and planets are responding to the same kind of underlying (presumambly cosmic) forces that control your environment.

        I don't believe that either, but it seems more plausible. Most likely it's a big rosarch blot.

        The other point I'm kind of willing to accept about astrology, at least with its origins, is that maybe once upon a time, when a kid was born relative to the harvest cycle would influence what kind of nutrition he or she got, and thus what kind of person they ended up. Still, it seems like other factors, especially nowadays, would greatly outweigh that influence.
        • For the record, I think people who are trying to put forward astrology in the modern age don't argue that the stars are affecting you, but the stars and planets are responding to the same kind of underlying (presumambly cosmic) forces that control your environment.

          I don't believe that either, but it seems more plausible.

          It does? Not if you know anything about stars and planets. We can completely describe the behavior of the planets in our solar system using Newton's theory of Universal Gravitatio

        • by Dr. Zowie ( 109983 ) * <{slashdot} {at} {deforest.org}> on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @11:49AM (#7034461)
          The problem there is that the ``underlying (presumably cosmic) forces'' that control both the planets and your environment are well understood. They are the familiar, simple forces that you can learn about in physics class.

          Trying to understand something as complex as people using a force as simple as gravity is, well, laughable -- it's like trying to debug the Linux kernel using the theory of humours ("It panicked because of an excess of blood! But this patch contains extra phlegm, which should counteract the black bile from browsing slashdot...")

          • Look, I'm not defending it as a reasonable belief, but for some reason the "planets and people both following the same pattern" seems less egregiously wacky to me than "planets influencing people".
    • Alternatively, it not the planets themselves but some other factor which correlates with the planes which is affecting you.

      To say you cannot, with your current knowledge, understand the cause of an effect, does not mean the effect does not exist. The trouble with astrology is that no-one has demonstrated any consistent effect. It all goes back to "ancient knowledge", but no-one knows how the ancient knowledge was gathered (other than making it up, which the ancients were even more prone to than the moderns
    • I think my preacher put it best...

      "If horoscopes were true, they'd be on the front page of the papers, not buried back by the funnies."

    • If everything in this world is just based on particles and objects(just big masses of particles) reacting to other particles and objects then one could postulate that the gravitational force of the planets did indeed have an effect on said person's life. This might also suggest that there is no free will. We're just a bunch of random reactions. :) Not that I believe this, I just like to throw this out every so often. But why not...it would seem fairly plausible. The given is the fact that we completely
    • by Chatmag ( 646500 ) <editor@chatmag.com> on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @11:43AM (#7034420) Homepage Journal
      Carl Sagan shares the same birthdate as myself, 9 Nov. and as we all know, Scorpios are too intelligent to believe in horoscopes.
    • ... the gravitational pull of the obstetrician that delivered you far outweighed that of any celestial body.

      There was a related incident on NPR a couple of years ago. Someone claimed that, if you have a large dog, its gravitation pull on you is more that the pull of Saturn at its closest approach. Someone else questioned this. So someone else looked up the numbers in an astronomical reference book and did the calculations.

      As I recall, they assumed a 50-pound (20-kg) dog. It turned out that at about
    • As someone has pointed out here, more than gravity may be involved. What I am wondering is how you can manage reliable predictions when you aren't in full possession of the facts.
      First of all: Do the planets influence us in proportion to the square of their distance, or is the influence the same for all planets? If it's at the square of the distance, like all other natural forces, do astrologers take the varying distances into account? Do they account for the fact that the asteroid Vesta will have a greater
  • by Crazieeman ( 610662 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:23AM (#7033634) Journal
    Your significant other will become jealous when you buy a new one. She laments being called the 'slow' one. Tonight: Play old school.
  • by Savatte ( 111615 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:23AM (#7033635) Homepage Journal
    Aries: you will die a virgin
    Taurus: you will die a virgin
    Gemini: you will die a virgin
    Cancer: you will die a virgin

    etc..
  • As I gaze into my crystal ball, I see that site will stop serving pages in approximately two minutes.

    Of course, they probably know that already ;)
  • Horoscopes (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:23AM (#7033642)
    We Scorpios don't believe in astrology...
    • Definitely not....

      Oh - you're a Scorpio too. Cool! I guess you're an interesting, wild, complex, sexually driven person too then! :-p
  • Oh great (Score:4, Funny)

    by amplt1337 ( 707922 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:23AM (#7033648) Journal
    "Expect to spend lots of time waiting in line for menial work when it is discovered that for your salary, management could hire six workers in Bangalore." ...darn.
    • I was expecting something like this and didn't see one.

      "Your current position will be exported to a country where 'overtime compensation' is a fairytale story about a foreign land with streets paved with gold where good children go when they die."
  • I see... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by AngryCodeMonkey ( 705263 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:25AM (#7033666)
    all the US IT workers being replaced by be Indians in the near future.
  • by jhines0042 ( 184217 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:25AM (#7033669) Journal
    I was amazed when I read my horoscope!

    Not only did it apply to me directly, but to countless thousands of other people as well! Nearly 1/12th of the worlds population could benefit from this advice!

    How they get this accurate I don't know.

  • by grub ( 11606 ) <slashdot@grub.net> on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:27AM (#7033698) Homepage Journal

    Using Voodoo Dolls to influence your PHB...

  • by deltagreen ( 522610 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:28AM (#7033708) Homepage
    I'm unemployed, you insensitive clod!
    I think my horoscope needs a patch.
  • by BLAMM! ( 301082 )
    Lame tabloid-esque horoscopes sprinkled with tech-speak to attract click thrus to their advertising.

    What a waste of bandwidth.

    Let modding begin.
  • by jeffy124 ( 453342 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:29AM (#7033718) Homepage Journal
    Rent-a-Cop security guard: "Wow! My horoscope was right!" Looks at piece of paper, "You will face challenges today."

    (Episode CABF06 [snpp.com])
  • Bah. I always read ANOTHER person's horoscope first, and find that it fits me perfectly as well. Then I read my own, and find it's no better than random.

    Only RMS truly knows the future, not some dumb horoscope.
  • Horoscopes (Score:5, Funny)

    by stratjakt ( 596332 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:30AM (#7033729) Journal
    Slashbot: (Feb 23-Mar 18)

    You will plug some cables into a router today. You will complain over a bowl of kraft dinner that you aren't making the 100,000 dollars and up that the radio commercial for MCP certs promised you. You will post grossly wrong information on slashdot to make everyone think you understand and use linux. Noone will notice as they don't know either, and you will get easy "karma" which is absolutely useless in the cosmic sense. You will not get laid, that was a stupid question.
  • yea right (Score:2, Insightful)

    by manifest37 ( 632701 )
    The recent drain on your financial resources is about to end.

    If thats true for anybody let me know
  • This fall, you intuitively seem to know how to find work-arounds for problems that perplex others.
    Well, this happens to me all the time. It's most likely just a matter of human nature - different people with different experience look at things differently, so that a difficult problem to one person is intuitive to others. So the likelyness of this happening really depends on the type of people and situations I expose myself to this fall.

    Pay particular attention to flashes of insight and write them down b
  • by infinite9 ( 319274 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:32AM (#7033763)
    I'm amazed by how many people believe in a science? religion? that relies on the idea that the earth is the center of the solar system and everything else, including the sun, revolves around it.
    • Why not. Physics taught me that there is no center point. You can pick any point you want to to base your frame of reference on. Normally they suggest that there are points where calculations become much easier and suggest you pick that. There is no reason you can't pick your zero point as the center of the earth, if you really like overly complex calculations.

      P.S. Next time you get the classic problem about the distance a fly traveling between 2 trains heading at each other... Pick jupiter as your

      • Why not. Physics taught me that there is no center point. You can pick any point you want to to base your frame of reference on.

        Study a little more physics.

        While you are technically right-- you assuredly can choose any frame of reference-- to really have completely indistinguishable frames of reference you need to choose an inertial, i.e. unaccelerated frame. If you choose the Earth as your frame of reference, to properly predict the motion of things other things in the Solar System you're going to

  • Life will move back into the fast lane...

    Ye gods... They already piled on me another 5 projects(we let go the entire development team... can you finish their project?), added more duties to my already long laundry list and I barely have time to take lunch..

    If anything get's more into the "fast lane" i wont be able to waste time here on slashdot except with my zaurus from the bathroom stall...
  • Mine seemed to be about 180 degrees out from what my true IT career is heading towards.

    Perhaps they didn't shake the magic 8-ball hard enough?
  • by BenitoM ( 571442 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:34AM (#7033779) Homepage
    The Exchange server will be down at 6
  • Place all

    $HOROSCOPE" in bed"

    jokes as a reply to this.
    Thanks for your cooperation on this matter.

    -t
  • by MyNameIsFred ( 543994 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:41AM (#7033852)
    I remember a Nova program on horoscopes that I saw years ago. The Amazing Randy had asked a class of college students for the birthdates, and wrote a horoscope for each them. He asked them, by a show of hands, whether the horoscopes were accurate. They overwhelmingly said yes. He then asked them to pass their horoscopes to the person behind them. That's when they found out that he had written only one horoscope for the entire class.

    Horoscopes are based on simple concepts that are almost univeral. That if I ask you if you are having conflict with your mate, you will probably say yes. It may be because of a divorce, or it might be a disagreement over what movie to see this weekend.

    • Horoscopes are based on simple concepts that are almost univeral. That if I ask you if you are having conflict with your mate, you will probably say yes. It may be because of a divorce, or it might be a disagreement over what movie to see this weekend.

      Or it could be a hangnail...

    • >or it might be a disagreement over what movie to see this weekend.

      How did you know? That's amazing.
    • The Forer Effect (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Mad Man ( 166674 )
      was Skeptics and horoscopes [slashdot.org]

      Actually Bertram Forer did that experiment in 1948, except with pscyhological profile "tests" instead of horoscopes.

      The phenomenon has since been known as the Forer Effect [skepdic.com].

      Psychologist B.R. Forer found that people tend to accept vague and general personality descriptions as uniquely applicable to themselves without realizing that the same description could be applied to just about anyone. Consider the following as if it were given to you as an evaluation of your personalit

  • Spot on. (Score:4, Funny)

    by killermal ( 545771 ) * on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:44AM (#7033888)
    Nothing about romance... it must be accurate!
  • Horoscope test... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Dr. Zowie ( 109983 ) * <{slashdot} {at} {deforest.org}> on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:45AM (#7033895)
    Not long ago I was teaching introductory astronomy to 180 college freshmen, and we did the "James Randi" demonstration. It was almost surprising how well it worked. I browsed to a horoscope site and downloaded horoscopes for everyone. Printed them up in little folding booklets, 12 types, about 4/3 as many as there were students. Asked the students to come get their horoscope and read it secretly.

    Then they voted on how well-tailored their horoscopes were. About 80% of the class said that the horoscopes were "perfect" or "very good", with about 10% "good" and only 10% saying "fair" or "poor".

    Of course, the kicker is that they all received exactly the same horoscope, I believe an Aquarius reading for early spring 2002.

    Even more of course, the site I got them from advertised that "we don't produce generic horoscopes -- we tailor them specifically to your date of birth!"

  • by heironymouscoward ( 683461 ) <heironymouscoward AT yahoo DOT com> on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:45AM (#7033896) Journal
    Research has shown that the time of birth does have an impact on your life, especially in countries with sharp seasonal differences.

    Things like the amount of food available to your pregnant mother, the amount of sun light you got when you were a few weeks old, the temperature you had to adapt to when you were a toddler... these seem to have an impact in later life.

    The specific study was on fertility in Canadian women, and showed a difference of (IIRC) 40%+ between those born in the summer and those born in the winter.

    So, before you laugh, there might actually be some basis for assuming that "Capricorns are always horny" and "Leos are dishonest".
    • "Capricorns are always horny" and "Leos are dishonest"

      All right! I am *so* looking for a Capricorn.

      Wait. You're a Leo, aren't you? Dammit. Forget it then.
    • by Anonymous Coward
      As others have pointed out, you have Capricorns and Leos the wrong way around.

      I know this because I'm a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Leo... and she just can't get enough of me.
    • I'm tempted to go on one of those personal crusades against stuff like this. I can't begin to relate the difficulties my wife and I have had over crap like this type of study.

      There is no possible way for you to control a control group well enough to get ANY meaningful data from a study that follows people from birth into adulthood. The variables are nearly infinite.

      If the people who wrote the study actually performed the data collection and administered the study, they should be shot for putting forward
  • by thaddjuice ( 235568 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @10:48AM (#7033916) Journal
    One of things that a lot of people don't consider about astrology is that there is a good reason why people of the same signs may have similar personality traits. People who were born at the same time of the year have had various seasons and events happen at the same key points in early development. So, people born right after Christmas in January may have different perspectives on the importance of family, friends, and holidays (their birthdays being near the holidays) than someone born in June. Also, can anyone say what difference it might make in a child's development if it's snowing when they're learning to walk vs. heat of summer?

    I'm not saying this means that you can tell their future based on when they're born, but there may be something to the idea that people of like signs have similar personalities and that relationship compatibility may be tied in to zodiak sign.
    • So, people born right after Christmas in January may have different perspectives on the importance of family, friends, and holidays (their birthdays being near the holidays) than someone born in June.

      They also realise the same thing when they do what every child does sooner or later and count back nine months from their birthday.

      Born at Christmas? Nine months from the first days of spring. Conclusion: Your parents hibernate.

      Born in June? Nine months from October. Conclusion: Your parents couldn't affor

    • Not a bad idea if we assume that all people develop at the same rate in their early childhood. I can assure you as a parent that this is not the case. Furthermore, it does not explain how someone born on the 20th of December will be fundamentally different from someone born on the 22nd of December.
      -aiabx
  • As most people have noted, horoscopes are written as generally as possible, since the horoscopes printed in a paper should "fit" 1/12 of the population. Why do I read them and apply their advice to my life? Because I've been around long enough to understand that a life lacking in mythology is drab and uninspiring. So I take a generic horoscope and look for its (usually positive) outcome in my life. And of course, I find it.

    So how is this different from your collection of Star Wars "collectibles" *snort

    • >similar to pointing out that a man can't really be suspended
      >on a cross by nails through his hands.

      I believe that any careful study of Roman history will discover that this practice was NOT related solely to Jesus' death. The Romans slaughtered thousands of criminals this way, and it's VERY well documented.

      Even more importantly, very few Biblical scholars believe "hands" means "palms". Most believe that the nails were placed just above the wrist, between the two arm bones. Very good support, and ex
    • As most people have noted, horoscopes are written as generally as possible, since the horoscopes printed in a paper should "fit" 1/12 of the population. Why do I read them and apply their advice to my life? Because I've been around long enough to understand that a life lacking in mythology is drab and uninspiring. So I take a generic horoscope and look for its (usually positive) outcome in my life. And of course, I find it.

      That's fine; if you find inspiration and personal meaning from somewhere, that's

  • ..they made predictions like "You will find a job soon.", "You will start a new career", or "You will move in with your parents."
  • Virgo: I don't believe in astrology.

    Horoscope: You're a Virgo, and Virgos are practical people who don't often believe in things like astrology. Why are you reading this?

    Virgo: Good point. (closes window, goes back to work.)

  • Leo: You're gonna die.
    Virgo: You're gonna die.
    Scorpio: You're gonna die fuckin'!

  • by Scholasticus ( 567646 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @11:08AM (#7034096) Journal
    Here's my idea for the Slashdotter's Horoscope:
    Aries: You will get First Post today!
    Taurus: You will receive a visit from the "goatse guy."
    Gemini: You Fail It!
    Cancer: You will read a story about the SCO lawsuit today.
    Leo: Today you will finish your transformation of an old vacuum cleaner into a computer case.
    Virgo: Today your boss will catch you reading /. while you're supposed to be working.
    Libra: You will be asked to Meta-Moderate.
    Scorpio: Someone will tell you that, despite your best efforts, BSD is dying.
    Sagittarius: Your sig will mysteriously be left off your post on /. today.
    Capricorn: What you thought was a witty comment will receive -1, Troll.
    Aquarius: A site that you try to visit after reading about on /. will ironically be slashdotted.
    Pisces: Your post on /. will unfortunately have an instance of "teh" in place of "the" because you didn't hit the preview button.
  • More (Score:3, Informative)

    by heli0 ( 659560 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @11:21AM (#7034230)

    Geek Horoscopes [bbspot.com]
  • Those horoscopes are nicely crafted. They had me wondering whether they were generated by a program (like mission statement generators) half the time. But the hard-nosed rationalists among you might want to hope you're wrong this time! From Pisces:

    You've got an uncanny knack for reading the public pulse right now. It's a good time to push a new idea like crazy - and get your colleagues to help you. ... What you do now will have staying power and prove to be lasting. Take the high road. Be sure to back up

  • or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.

    Where was I?
  • that gets rediculous bullshit that doesn't even come close to what i'm doing currently?

    I'm a capricorn...

    "You may feel confused about whether to pursue a new certification or degree. Seek out a former colleague's advice.
    No actually i'm not taking a cert right now, nor considering one.

    This is a period of non-stop stream of consciousness. Pay attention to ideas that come to you in the middle of the night. Embrace new ideas and try to look at your work from new perspectives.
    Ok thats decent advice.

    What
  • Say wha, Taco?

    The good news, I don't think you misspelled anything. The bad news is, your grammar and vocabulary seem to have gone over to the impenetrably flummoxed.

    Did you mean to say that a gaseous orb exerts power on your laptop?
  • by Lumpy ( 12016 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @11:44AM (#7034429) Homepage
    here [theonion.com]

    They never fail and are always right on target.
  • Regardless of Astrological Sign, your job will be outsourced to another country.
  • Mine was surprisingly accurate, thus proving beyond a shadow of a doubt the power that a gaseous orb a zillion miles away exhibits upon my laptop.

    So your boss is out of town right now? Still, you better hope he doesn't find out what you just called him.
  • Gemini May 22 - June 21 A shake-up in human resources may be in the works. .. I blame Slashdot for getting my 30 day notice yesterday! But, on the bright side my "problem-solving and extraordinary organzational skills are about to pay off in a big way monetarily." SO, IF YOU ARE READING THIS HIRE ME NOW AND "everyone will benefit."
  • Silicon Valley Tarot (Score:3, Informative)

    by perp ( 114928 ) on Tuesday September 23, 2003 @03:33PM (#7036550)
    Silicon Valley Tarot [svtarot.com] will answer the questions "What will happen to me? My program? My career?"

    Some of the cards are hilarious, like "Venture Capital" or "Flame War"

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for. -- W.C. Fields

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