IT Career Horoscopes 294
HRHsoleil writes "If you're addicted to horoscopes, you going to love these Horoscopes for geeks." Mine was surprisingly accurate, thus proving beyond a shadow of a doubt the power that a gaseous orb a zillion miles away exhibits upon my laptop.
Umm...no.. (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah right, the day "Problem-solving discussions are fruitful" is the day hell freezes over.
Re:Umm...no.. (Score:5, Funny)
you seem to have a problem with meetings. care to discuss it?
Re:Umm...no.. (Score:3, Interesting)
Look Into Their Crystal Ball (Score:5, Funny)
Excuse me, those are newsletters
-Mr. Fusion
...the power that a gaseous orb... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:...the power that a gaseous orb... (Score:3, Funny)
Clever (Score:5, Informative)
Which one is mine? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Which one is mine? (Score:3, Funny)
them: what's your sign.
me:[insert random star sign here]
them: oh that is so you.
in twelve years i have only been caught once off the bat. and that was by my mom.
Re:Which one is mine? (Score:2)
-Rob
Re:Which one is mine? (Score:2)
Oh lord...Aquarius (Score:5, Funny)
Hmm. So how did it know that my second kid is due any day now, and that the first one is still keeping me awake by howling to the rooftops at night?
I'm convinced. No really, I am. Honest.
Cheers,
Ian
Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:5, Interesting)
The idea behind horoscopes is that the way the planets were aligned when you were born affects you. The only way this could actually be true is if it was their respective pulls of gravity against your body while being born.
Then he pointed out that the gravitational pull of the obstetrician that delivered you far outweighed that of any celestial body.
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2, Interesting)
And while we're at it, the gravitational effect of the obstetrician is currently much lower than that of most planets since he's not standing right next to me any more. Perhaps if he decdied to visit me, astrology would have something to say about that.
n.b. I
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:4, Insightful)
I don't believe that either, but it seems more plausible. Most likely it's a big rosarch blot.
The other point I'm kind of willing to accept about astrology, at least with its origins, is that maybe once upon a time, when a kid was born relative to the harvest cycle would influence what kind of nutrition he or she got, and thus what kind of person they ended up. Still, it seems like other factors, especially nowadays, would greatly outweigh that influence.
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:3, Interesting)
For the record, I think people who are trying to put forward astrology in the modern age don't argue that the stars are affecting you, but the stars and planets are responding to the same kind of underlying (presumambly cosmic) forces that control your environment.
I don't believe that either, but it seems more plausible.
It does? Not if you know anything about stars and planets. We can completely describe the behavior of the planets in our solar system using Newton's theory of Universal Gravitatio
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:3, Informative)
I don't know that. But that's not what astrologers claim, is it? They claim that the position of Jupiter in the solar system affects the birth of a child. Jupiter isn't made of dark matter, it's made of hydrogen, helium, some methane and ammonia, and the vapourised remains of Galileo. Astrologers don't point to mysterious, exotic entities from frontier physics, they point to bloody huge balls of gas and rock, made entirely of normal matter, i
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:3, Insightful)
Au contraire: that's precisely why I _do_ dismiss astrology. If astrologers made specific, precise predictions and statements, if they made claims that were clearly and definitely either right or wrong, then maybe there might be something to it. But they don't - they make predictions and statements that are so damn vague that
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:5, Funny)
Trying to understand something as complex as people using a force as simple as gravity is, well, laughable -- it's like trying to debug the Linux kernel using the theory of humours ("It panicked because of an excess of blood! But this patch contains extra phlegm, which should counteract the black bile from browsing slashdot...")
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2)
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2)
To say you cannot, with your current knowledge, understand the cause of an effect, does not mean the effect does not exist. The trouble with astrology is that no-one has demonstrated any consistent effect. It all goes back to "ancient knowledge", but no-one knows how the ancient knowledge was gathered (other than making it up, which the ancients were even more prone to than the moderns
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2, Insightful)
"If horoscopes were true, they'd be on the front page of the papers, not buried back by the funnies."
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:3, Insightful)
Yeah, a practitioner of one flimsy idea explaining how flimsy another is. Funny. Yet it is still a good point.
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2)
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2)
There was a related incident on NPR a couple of years ago. Someone claimed that, if you have a large dog, its gravitation pull on you is more that the pull of Saturn at its closest approach. Someone else questioned this. So someone else looked up the numbers in an astronomical reference book and did the calculations.
As I recall, they assumed a 50-pound (20-kg) dog. It turned out that at about
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2)
First of all: Do the planets influence us in proportion to the square of their distance, or is the influence the same for all planets? If it's at the square of the distance, like all other natural forces, do astrologers take the varying distances into account? Do they account for the fact that the asteroid Vesta will have a greater
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:2, Informative)
The gravitational pull of the obstetrician will be about 10 times that of mars.
Re:Carl Sagan on horoscopes (Score:3, Insightful)
Thanks for trolling!
-aiabx
Geek horoscopes (Score:4, Funny)
predictions for folks in IT are easy (Score:5, Funny)
Taurus: you will die a virgin
Gemini: you will die a virgin
Cancer: you will die a virgin
etc..
Re:predictions for folks in IT are easy (Score:2)
From the "IT horrorscope" for Virgo: Personal keyword: paradox
Ph34r.
Soko
Re:predictions for folks in IT are easy (Score:5, Funny)
Re:predictions for folks in IT are easy (Score:5, Funny)
Re:predictions for folks in IT are easy (Score:2, Funny)
1) Ask her what PI is calculated to the last digit, then slip it to her when she's thinking about it.
2) Tell her that you have blue balls. Tell her that the blue balls were her fault. Then, while she's suffering from CPU failure, slip the anti-grav units on her and slip it to her right before you beam her out into space. As a bonus, your best buddy will tell you that "your logic was impeccable."
Hope that helps. As a last resort, you can paint yourself green from head to toe and tell her y
My prediction (Score:2, Funny)
Of course, they probably know that already
Horoscopes (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Horoscopes (Score:2)
Oh - you're a Scorpio too. Cool! I guess you're an interesting, wild, complex, sexually driven person too then!
Oh great (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Oh great (Score:2)
"Your current position will be exported to a country where 'overtime compensation' is a fairytale story about a foreign land with streets paved with gold where good children go when they die."
I see... (Score:3, Insightful)
Excitingly Generic! (Score:5, Funny)
Not only did it apply to me directly, but to countless thousands of other people as well! Nearly 1/12th of the worlds population could benefit from this advice!
How they get this accurate I don't know.
Re:Excitingly Generic! (Score:2)
Next /. story.. (Score:5, Funny)
Using Voodoo Dolls to influence your PHB...
Re:Next /. story.. (Score:5, Funny)
Fake horoscope (Score:5, Funny)
I think my horoscope needs a patch.
Re:Fake horoscope (Score:2)
a) A multinational software giant
or
b) The first gathering of geeks large enough to be visible from orbit.
Re:Fake horoscope (Score:2)
Bah. (Score:2)
What a waste of bandwidth.
Let modding begin.
simpsons reference (Score:3, Funny)
(Episode CABF06 [snpp.com])
Bah... (Score:2)
Only RMS truly knows the future, not some dumb horoscope.
Horoscopes (Score:5, Funny)
You will plug some cables into a router today. You will complain over a bowl of kraft dinner that you aren't making the 100,000 dollars and up that the radio commercial for MCP certs promised you. You will post grossly wrong information on slashdot to make everyone think you understand and use linux. Noone will notice as they don't know either, and you will get easy "karma" which is absolutely useless in the cosmic sense. You will not get laid, that was a stupid question.
yea right (Score:2, Insightful)
If thats true for anybody let me know
Lets see how acurate mine was. (Score:2)
Well, this happens to me all the time. It's most likely just a matter of human nature - different people with different experience look at things differently, so that a difficult problem to one person is intuitive to others. So the likelyness of this happening really depends on the type of people and situations I expose myself to this fall.
Pay particular attention to flashes of insight and write them down b
And the earth is flat too (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:And the earth is flat too (Score:2)
Why not. Physics taught me that there is no center point. You can pick any point you want to to base your frame of reference on. Normally they suggest that there are points where calculations become much easier and suggest you pick that. There is no reason you can't pick your zero point as the center of the earth, if you really like overly complex calculations.
P.S. Next time you get the classic problem about the distance a fly traveling between 2 trains heading at each other... Pick jupiter as your
Re:And the earth is flat too (Score:2)
Why not. Physics taught me that there is no center point. You can pick any point you want to to base your frame of reference on.
Study a little more physics.
While you are technically right-- you assuredly can choose any frame of reference-- to really have completely indistinguishable frames of reference you need to choose an inertial, i.e. unaccelerated frame. If you choose the Earth as your frame of reference, to properly predict the motion of things other things in the Solar System you're going to
Horrible prediction! (Score:2)
Ye gods... They already piled on me another 5 projects(we let go the entire development team... can you finish their project?), added more duties to my already long laundry list and I barely have time to take lunch..
If anything get's more into the "fast lane" i wont be able to waste time here on slashdot except with my zaurus from the bathroom stall...
I don't know.. (Score:2)
Perhaps they didn't shake the magic 8-ball hard enough?
Hi Tech Chinese Fortune Cookie (Score:5, Funny)
Please... (Score:2)
$HOROSCOPE" in bed"
jokes as a reply to this.
Thanks for your cooperation on this matter.
-t
Skeptics and horoscopes (Score:5, Insightful)
Horoscopes are based on simple concepts that are almost univeral. That if I ask you if you are having conflict with your mate, you will probably say yes. It may be because of a divorce, or it might be a disagreement over what movie to see this weekend.
Or it could be... (Score:2)
Or it could be a hangnail...
Re:Skeptics and horoscopes (Score:2)
How did you know? That's amazing.
The Forer Effect (Score:3, Interesting)
Actually Bertram Forer did that experiment in 1948, except with pscyhological profile "tests" instead of horoscopes.
The phenomenon has since been known as the Forer Effect [skepdic.com].
Spot on. (Score:4, Funny)
Horoscope test... (Score:5, Interesting)
Then they voted on how well-tailored their horoscopes were. About 80% of the class said that the horoscopes were "perfect" or "very good", with about 10% "good" and only 10% saying "fair" or "poor".
Of course, the kicker is that they all received exactly the same horoscope, I believe an Aquarius reading for early spring 2002.
Even more of course, the site I got them from advertised that "we don't produce generic horoscopes -- we tailor them specifically to your date of birth!"
Actually, and this is serious... (Score:5, Interesting)
Things like the amount of food available to your pregnant mother, the amount of sun light you got when you were a few weeks old, the temperature you had to adapt to when you were a toddler... these seem to have an impact in later life.
The specific study was on fertility in Canadian women, and showed a difference of (IIRC) 40%+ between those born in the summer and those born in the winter.
So, before you laugh, there might actually be some basis for assuming that "Capricorns are always horny" and "Leos are dishonest".
Re:Actually, and this is serious... (Score:3, Funny)
All right! I am *so* looking for a Capricorn.
Wait. You're a Leo, aren't you? Dammit. Forget it then.
Re:Actually, and this is serious... (Score:2, Funny)
I know this because I'm a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Leo... and she just can't get enough of me.
Study has no real science in it (Score:3, Interesting)
There is no possible way for you to control a control group well enough to get ANY meaningful data from a study that follows people from birth into adulthood. The variables are nearly infinite.
If the people who wrote the study actually performed the data collection and administered the study, they should be shot for putting forward
Re:Actually, and this is serious... (Score:3, Funny)
Astrological signs not all BS (Score:5, Interesting)
I'm not saying this means that you can tell their future based on when they're born, but there may be something to the idea that people of like signs have similar personalities and that relationship compatibility may be tied in to zodiak sign.
Re:Astrological signs not all BS (Score:3, Funny)
So, people born right after Christmas in January may have different perspectives on the importance of family, friends, and holidays (their birthdays being near the holidays) than someone born in June.
They also realise the same thing when they do what every child does sooner or later and count back nine months from their birthday.
Born at Christmas? Nine months from the first days of spring. Conclusion: Your parents hibernate.
Born in June? Nine months from October. Conclusion: Your parents couldn't affor
Re:Astrological signs not all BS (Score:2)
-aiabx
Why I read horoscopes (Score:2, Insightful)
So how is this different from your collection of Star Wars "collectibles" *snort
Get your facts straight before you flame... (Score:2)
>on a cross by nails through his hands.
I believe that any careful study of Roman history will discover that this practice was NOT related solely to Jesus' death. The Romans slaughtered thousands of criminals this way, and it's VERY well documented.
Even more importantly, very few Biblical scholars believe "hands" means "palms". Most believe that the nails were placed just above the wrist, between the two arm bones. Very good support, and ex
Re:Why I read horoscopes (Score:2)
As most people have noted, horoscopes are written as generally as possible, since the horoscopes printed in a paper should "fit" 1/12 of the population. Why do I read them and apply their advice to my life? Because I've been around long enough to understand that a life lacking in mythology is drab and uninspiring. So I take a generic horoscope and look for its (usually positive) outcome in my life. And of course, I find it.
That's fine; if you find inspiration and personal meaning from somewhere, that's
These would be a little more believable if... (Score:2)
Traits (Score:2)
Horoscope: You're a Virgo, and Virgos are practical people who don't often believe in things like astrology. Why are you reading this?
Virgo: Good point. (closes window, goes back to work.)
Chris Rock Says: (Score:2)
Leo: You're gonna die.
Virgo: You're gonna die.
Scorpio: You're gonna die fuckin'!
Another Horoscope Idea (Score:5, Funny)
Aries: You will get First Post today!
Taurus: You will receive a visit from the "goatse guy."
Gemini: You Fail It!
Cancer: You will read a story about the SCO lawsuit today.
Leo: Today you will finish your transformation of an old vacuum cleaner into a computer case.
Virgo: Today your boss will catch you reading
Libra: You will be asked to Meta-Moderate.
Scorpio: Someone will tell you that, despite your best efforts, BSD is dying.
Sagittarius: Your sig will mysteriously be left off your post on
Capricorn: What you thought was a witty comment will receive -1, Troll.
Aquarius: A site that you try to visit after reading about on
Pisces: Your post on
More (Score:3, Informative)
Geek Horoscopes [bbspot.com]
You'll want to believe... (Score:2)
Now you may find it inconceivable ... (Score:2)
Where was I?
Am I the only one... (Score:2)
I'm a capricorn...
"You may feel confused about whether to pursue a new certification or degree. Seek out a former colleague's advice.
No actually i'm not taking a cert right now, nor considering one.
This is a period of non-stop stream of consciousness. Pay attention to ideas that come to you in the middle of the night. Embrace new ideas and try to look at your work from new perspectives.
Ok thats decent advice.
What
"... exhibits power on my laptop ..."? (Score:2)
The good news, I don't think you misspelled anything. The bad news is, your grammar and vocabulary seem to have gone over to the impenetrably flummoxed.
Did you mean to say that a gaseous orb exerts power on your laptop?
more accurate IT Horoscope site... (Score:4, Funny)
They never fail and are always right on target.
My prediction: (Score:2, Funny)
Re: (Score:2)
You insensitive clod (Score:2, Funny)
Silicon Valley Tarot (Score:3, Informative)
Some of the cards are hilarious, like "Venture Capital" or "Flame War"
Accurate for me as well (Score:3, Funny)
Re:katz? (Score:2)
Re:Why is it? (Score:2, Insightful)
Noone, not even "real astrologers" take them seriously. It's just something to kill another 5 minutes after you already read the comic page.
Re:Why is it? (Score:2)
Noone, not even "real astrologers" take them seriously. It's just something to kill another 5 minutes after you already read the comic page
Unfortunately, that's not true... lots of "real astrologers" take what they're doing seriously, which is evidence of self-deception. Many others, including (alas) family members of US presidents, take what astrologers are doing seriously, which means that they are being deceived.
If it were only "harmless entertainment", that would be one thing (although even still
Re:NO FUN (Score:2)
Republicans? [rimshot] ;)
Thanks! I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waitress!
When will we get horrorscopes instead? (Score:2)
Perhaps we should suck it up and pick up some tabloids, using those Hollywood-calibre horoscopes as seeds for "unfortunate events" that will make them wonder if the stars are against them.
So get out there and start off-handedly asking about birthdays and magazine/newspaper subscriptions... it's time for devilish fun!