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Build Your Own Monorail 184

jpatokal writes "Building your own roller coaster may be fun, but how about something a little more practical -- like a monorail in your back yard? Kim Petersen designed his from scratch, building the elevated track from wood, scavenging the engine from a motorized walker and handcrafting the train from sheet metal. Total cost: $4000! See the photo tour and the construction history."
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Build Your Own Monorail

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  • Monorail...monorail...MONORAIL

    Don't let Homer Simpson drive it!
    • "I named the big one bitey!" - Homer Simpson
    • That episode is home of one of Homer's best lines ever:

      "Donuts... is there anything they can't do?"

      Cracks me up every time. :-)
    • And issue your own customized terrorism warning []!
    • Aaah, the Simpsons haven't been the same since Conan O'Brien stopped writing for them. Who else could come up with stuff like this?

      Lyle Lanley: Well sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail! What'd I say?
      Ned Flanders: Monorail!
      Lyle: What's it called?
      Patty & Selma: Monorail
      Lyle: That's right, monorail!
      All chant: Monorail, monorail, monorail...
      Ms Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud
      Lyle: It glides as softly as a cloud
      Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
      Lyle: Not on your life, my Hindu friend
      Barney: What about us braindead slobs?
      Lyle: You'll be given cushy jobs
      Grampa: Were you sent here by the devil?
      Lyle: No, good sir, I'm on the level
      Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can
      Lyle: Take my pen knife, my good man / I swear it's Springfield's only choice / Throw up your hands and raise your voice! / Monorail! What's it called?
      Once again!
      Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken
      Bart: Sorry, mom, the mob has spoken
      All: Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!
      Homer: Mono- d'oh!
  • Seriously, why in the hell would you want this? Bragging rights are ok when talking about a coaster... But why the hell a monorail? If you happen to have a big backyard (not 'ranch' big), just buy a 4 wheeler. It's a bit cheaper. Hell, make one for less than you can buy it.
  • Mirror (Score:2, Informative)

    by BrianGa ( 536442 )
    Google [] has a cache [] of the text.
  • by Slash Veteran ( 561542 ) <> on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:52AM (#3297632)
    but how about something a little more practical

    More practical?

    More practical for someone who needs a tram in their backyard? K.

    What would be more practical for the referenced site is a webserver than handle more than 5 hits per hour.

    • He must have the webserver running on the roller-coaster's control system.

      I'd rather put a runway or a race track in my backyard, but I think I'll try a shed first.

      "You been wackin' in my tool-shed again, boy?" -- Hank Hill, B&B.
    • What would be more practical for the referenced site is a webserver than handle more than 5 hits per hour. maybe he's using that other guy's Game Boy!
  • by jcsehak ( 559709 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:53AM (#3297634) Homepage

    ...fixing the potholes. But if he has a catchy jingle, I'm all for it!

  • Insurance (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Dak RIT ( 556128 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:53AM (#3297639) Homepage
    And how much does having a $4000 monorail in your backyard increase your home owners insurance? :p
  • (to be sung in the key of C...)

    [Lyle Lanley] Well sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail! What'd I say?

    [Ned Flanders] Monorail!

    [Lyle] What's it called?

    [Patty & Selma] Monorail!

    [Lyle] That's right, monorail!

    [All chant] Monorail, monorail, monorail...

    [Ms Hoover] I hear those things are awfully loud!

    [Lyle] It glides as softly as a cloud!

    [Apu] Is there a chance the track could bend?

    [Lyle] Not on your life, my Hindu friend!

    [Barney] What about us braindead slobs?

    [Lyle] You'll be given cushy jobs!

    [Grandpa] Were you sent here by the devil?

    [Lyle] No, good sir, I'm on the level.

    [Chief Wiggum] The ring came off my pudding can.

    [Lyle] Take my pen knife, my good man!
    I swear it's Springfield's only choice;
    Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
    What's it called?
    Once again!

    [Marge] But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...

    [Bart] Sorry, mom, the mob has spoken!

    [All] Monorail! Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!

    [Homer] Mono- d'oh!
    • Ahh, yes. One of the damn near best episodes ever (tm).

      I believe Conan O'Brian wrote that episode too.

  • Zoning etc? (Score:3, Interesting)

    by bagel2ooo ( 106312 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:55AM (#3297645)
    I'm not to certain as I haven't had my own house or type of place where I could build something "in the back." Are there any guidelines/regulations one would have to meet with the city to do this? I mean it seems there could be a lot of safety/security issues with this. I mean there's lots of litigations just over people having a pool in their backyard let alone this. :)
    • Some cities regulate just about everything you could possibly do. That includes permits for decks, patios, sidewalks, trees, etc. It gets rather insane and annoying at times--but this typically is only done in those subdivisions were they want everything to look "similar".

      Most cities, though, don't care much. I have a 15' easement from the road--I cannot build any permanent structures there. After that 15', though, I can build right up to the property line on either side towards my neighbors or all the way back to my fenceline. In the country, things get even more relaxed--you can build just about anything and it's not a problem. Sometimes you are limited to the size you can build a barn without a special permit--but that's generally the worst of it.

      Of course, if I were to do something like this 3m in the air, it would look rather odd around here. Folks don't even have plush gardens. Nope, around here it's mostly just folks who have a deck, a tree or two, a fence, and grass. A monorail in my backyard would the the talk of the city for years.

      • It gets rather insane and annoying at times--but this typically is only done in those subdivisions were they want everything to look "similar".

        Actually, much of this is done in the codes, convenants, and restrictions (CCRs) that one has to sign when buying property in the subdivision. The CCRs are considered a contract, so violations are handled according to the procedures stated in the document -- usually a fine paid to the homeowner's association, or a lien placed on the property if the fine isn't paid.
        • And they can, and have, use those liens to cause the house to get sold against the owner's will!

          Sometimes over crazy little stupid violations.

          Home owner's associations are dangerous - they can take your home.

          Plus they often try to enforce racial (and other forms of) discrimination.
  • Applying P4, Kory starts the climb up the first grade Obviously an Intel processor....
  • by Edmund Blackadder ( 559735 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:56AM (#3297651)
    He made raised his track a good tree meters off the ground. If he made it half a m off the ground it would still be a monorail. He must really trust his engineering abilities.

    Of course the guy with a roller coaster was much more brave. His creation would do loops and stuff and looked much less solid.

    • there is a fine line betweeen bravery and insanity. but i have got to give this guy props, id never have the skills to do somthing like this. maybe i could hire him to build a monorail INSIDE my house, keep my computer in it. tote around the house. Bathroom Ville, Bed Town, Refrigerator junction.
  • /.ed already.... (Score:2, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Here's [] the google cache.

    And in case you don't trust an anonymous post: C: F8
  • Mr Snrub! (Score:2, Funny)

    by tartanboy ( 262669 )
    Mr Snrub votes that we spend our money on the nuclear power plant instead...

    Monorail time... just watch the Simpsons quotes roll in!
  • You gotta admit this is a fairly creative project. Wow, this guy must have alot of time and money to spare.

    But, who gets you down from there if your train gets stuck? I dont see any ladders around. Rope ladder maybe?

    What is this thing powerred by? Human-power, electric?

    P.S. Bah, the site seems to be /.ed. Maybe we should find a way to mirror/cache the linked pages automatically so we don't hit some guy's site 1e20 times and cost him $10k in bandwidth usage fees. Just a suggestion.
  • by laeraun2 ( 472996 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:58AM (#3297659) Homepage

    This is more of a story

  • by cscx ( 541332 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @12:58AM (#3297660) Homepage
    Click here! []
  • by NanoGator ( 522640 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @01:01AM (#3297667) Homepage Journal
    Hey, check it out! It's their next door neighbor Wilson!:
  • by AnimeFreak ( 223792 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @01:15AM (#3297692) Homepage
    Quimby: And now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshall, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
    Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp Five.
    [appreciative laughter from the crowd]
    Quimby: And let me say, ``May the Force Be With You!''
    Nimoy: [annoyed] Do you even know who I am?
    Quimby: [indignant] I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
    • About your .sig.
      rm -rf /bin/laden

      I like this better:
      cat /dev/null > /bin/laden

      Killing him makes him a martyr. Blocking the wind from his sails (which could be achieved with a change in U.S. foreign policy) is the way to go.
    • Quimby: And now, I'd, uh, like to welcome Larry White!
      [crowd cheers]
      Barry White: I now celebrate the start of ... [aside to Quimby] hey, what's this holiday again?
      Quimby: It's the day where the townsfolk kill snakes with clubs.
      Barry: My god! [points at crowd] You people make me sick!
      [crowd cheers]
      Barry: Are they even listening to me?
      Quimby: I, uh, don't think so.

      Gentlemen, start your whacking!

  • by Animats ( 122034 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @01:20AM (#3297704) Homepage
    It's appropriate that this is in Niles. It's the home of the Niles Canyon Railway [], a full-scale hobby railroad.

    Also nearby is the Redwood Valley Railroad [], which is in slightly larger scale than the monorail and runs half-scale steam trains. Redwood Valley has quite a layout, with a roundhouse, turntable, sidings, bridges, and tunnels.

    Niles was once the Western terminus of the first transcontinental railroad. So there's much railroad history there.

  • Maglev.. (Score:2, Funny)

    by BerserkDog ( 514729 )
    O.K. Someone want to go in with me on a backyard maglev?
    • Re:Maglev.. (Score:2, Interesting)

      by Rhinobird ( 151521 )
      How about a back yard space port []?
    • I thought of doing something like this as a kid, but I had neither expertise nor money.

      Maglev would be fun, but let's be honest about this: you'd be doing it for hack value only, because the ride wouldn't much be worth the trouble. The monorail is pretty cool, but I suspect it would get pretty old quickly (maybe build a station at the garage and the pool it would be worth it?

  • That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen! Did you see the pic with the real live train wizzing by in the background! That would have looked really funny if you were the one inside the train watching that guy on his monorail.

    Just imagine the real estate ad when the guy tries to sell the place: "3 bedroom, 2 baths, large kitchen, livingroom, backyard with pool, surrounded by a large garden, and a wooden monorail track which circles the house. Perfect for getting from the basketball court to the pool. It may take longer than walking, but it's fun!"

  • Anyone see that monorail they're building at JFK aiport in NYC. I think its suppose to connect the airport to a redone Jamaca staion. Anyone know anything about it?

  • by realyendor ( 32515 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @01:46AM (#3297752)
    We're working on plans to build an expanded monorail system in Seattle. True, compared to Kim's backyard monorail, it's a little longer (14 miles) and a little pricier ($970M-$1.7B), but it'll haul about 60,000 people per day, and likely turn an operational profit. And it's probably the only transit system in the country created by a citizens' initiative...yes, that's right, no monorail salesman or catchy jingle needed--just a good grassroots campaign! For more info, visit The Elevated Transportation Company []. The plan goes to the voters November 2002.

    For info on the campaign (which I'm helping out with--yes, this is a shameless plug), visit Rise Above It All []
    • Wouldn't it be a good idea to get that light rail running under the city, since you already have the tunnels and rails?
      • There's another organization [] working on that. The light rail system was approved by voters in 1996, and is scheduled for completion in 2009 (although only 14 for the price of the 21 miles apporoved by voters). The problem with the tunnel is that the rails weren't installed with proper insulation and grounding, so they have to close the tunnel for two years while the do the retrofitting. Meanwhile, dozens of busses will be pushed back onto surface streets during and after the completion of the line. Fortunately, the monorail should be operational before they take the tunnel out of service.

        The monorail line will be run by a separate agency, but transfers between the two lines will be simple. The light rail line and monorail line will complement each other.
      • There's several problems with the light rail plans...

        (1) They're already seriously overbudget, and still not one foot of rail has been put down...

        (2) They're limited by geography... Seattle (and the Puget Sound, which they'll have to serve if they're to cut the traffic problems- Second only to Los Angeles) is actually made up of both peninsulae and islands, varying from extremely steep hills down to marshlands and rivers...

        (3) They're also limited by the NIMBY factor, nobody wants "noise" or the possibility that their cul de sacs could have outsiders passing through their neighborhoods...

        (4) Along the same lines, the reason most existing subway systems are successful (and underground) is due to the fact that the city governments in the early 1900s could get away with literally tearing up whole miles of roadways and waterworks without the consent of their constituents...

        (5) Most importantly: The Puget Sound (like most of Washington state) are *earthquake* zones, requiring several million dollars more in structural reinforcement, permits and inspections to ensure the tunnels don't collapse... The Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) is the safest subway in the world, but the citizens of the bay area paid a heavy price for it's construction... Same story applies for the subway system built in Los Angeles...

    • You're kidding me. Sounds more of an idea from this town... [].

      The name's Lanley. Lyle Lanley.
    • operational profit?

      some basic math (with VERY generous assumptions)

      60,000 riders X 365 d/yr = 21,900,000 fares/year

      assume 40 year lifetime of monorail
      no repairs, no maintance costs, no employees to pay, no unions, no pension plan,...

      40 yrs X 21,900,000 fares/yr = 876,000,000 fares

      looks like the minimum fare (assuming full occupancy 24/7/365) better be at least $2.00 just to meet the original build cost.

      i am guessing the minimum breakeven fare will more likely be $5.00 - $10.00

      how about just getting more buses?
      • More busses won't work here in Seattle. Sure, they work when there isn't congestion, but not when there is, especially over the 520 floating bridge, which is 2 lanes in either direction, with no HOV lanes. Believe me, that is one bottleneck I try to avoid at all costs.

        King County-wide, Light Rail is the solution voters passed a few years ago, but now it's turning out to be this huge budget moneytrap, and instead of building the original 21 mile-long stretch, SoundTransit will only build 14 miles, due to lack of funds. The best part, as far as I'm concerned, is that it ends one mile short of SeaTac, guaranteeing I'll probably never take it anywhere.

        Seattle-citywide, monorail is the solution voters have voted on, twice. Anybody who's ever been stuck in traffic on 5th ave. during rush hour and seen the monorail zoom overhead at 50mph can tell you they'd like to be able to use something like that.

        Of course, they could be pulling your leg, and hoping that some other poor slob is going to take transit so that they can drive their car on a less-congested road.

        Public transit is heavily subsidized, to keep costs down. If it weren't, nobody would ever take it. It'd be too damn expensive. Now, I don't believe that the monorail currently in Seattle is subsidized, but its run is only one mile long and the fair is $1.50.
        • berniecase is right-on. I have a few additions and clarifications...

          The current monorail is profitable for its private operating company (Railsafe, aka Seattle Monorail Services), on top of contributing $600,000+ each year to the city's general fund. And it isn't automated--humans are paid to drive the trains and sell the tickets. The fare is the same as an off-peak bus fare, $1.25 (although bus transfers aren't currently valid), and gets you there in 90 seconds, and carries about 2.5M passengers each year (half of which are during special events, such as Bumbershoot, Bite of Seattle, and Sonics games, removing a lot of cars from the streets around the Seattle Center).
      • By definition, operational profit does not include capital costs. For more information on this, see the paper on O&M costs [].

        how about just getting more buses?

        We have lots of busses. But busses get stuck in traffic. They aren't frequent (especially during off-hours). And they're expensive to operate.

        Our busses are currently subsidized by 3:1--that is, for every $1.50 fare, the taxpayers are footing another $4.50. The monorail, while having a high capital cost, will likely not require an operational subsidy. This is already the case for several auitomated elevated systems, such as Seattle's 40-year old monorail (which was built in 10 months and paid for its construction in 8 months, and is manually operated today at a profit, or the Tokyo Monorail or Vancouver Skytrain (both of which are automated.)

        And you bet it's a whole lot cheaper to build a monorail guideway than to build 56 lane miles of roadway (14 miles of two lanes each direction), especially in an urban environment like Seattle.

        This issue has been simmering in Seattle for 40 years. In the last 4 years, it's come to a boil. This November, the voters will get to choose.
      • Operating profit is fare - operating cost, ie. maintance, employees, etc. Notice that it does NOT include the initial investment.
    • Why a monorail? The first monorail was built from standard subway car parts but rather than run on efficient, low-friction proven steel-on-steel technology they run on TRUCK TIRES. Complete with the energy loss due to tire deformation, the need to replace them relatively frequently, adding to the tire disposal problem (or Washington's burning highway problem, one result of using recycled rubber in paving material).

      The monorail looks cooler than it is. There's a reason why this is being sponsored by a citizen's initiative while light rail and commuter rail have been driven by your municipal and county governments. Hint - it's not because the monorail makes sense.

      Now that we're on the subject, they should've taken out the Space Needle at the same time they took out the Kingdome. Two of the ugliest structures on the West Coast and we're still stuck with one of them.
      • Why a monorail?
        Because it doesn't disturb the right-of-way nearly as much as light rail, and is way cheaper to build. All you need are spots for the posts, not the whole damn roadway. In Seattle, the Monorail runs right down 5th Avenue, and cars drive under it no problem. You could run a monorail down the median of just about any freeway with hardly any adverse effects during or after construction.
        There's a reason why this is being sponsored by a citizen's initiative while light rail and commuter rail have been driven by your municipal and county governments.
        Yeah, the reason is simple: There's more money to be made in light rail, so that's who's donating to the pols. The people [] want monorail [], while the pols are delivering less light rail for more money. []

    • An advocacy group is promoting the idea of building high-speed monorails in Colorado. The first leg would be from Denver International Airport to Vail, following I-70 for much of the way. The trains would be mag-lift powered, not totally levitating, but reducing rolling resistance on the wheels, and would run at a top speed of 125 mph. Unfortunately, a study project was voted down last November, mostly because everyone was still skittish after the 9/11 attacks and the anthrax scares; the advocacy group looks like it's still persevering. Their Web site [] has more details, including some artist's conceptions of what the system might look like.


  • This person would'nt happen to be from Ogendenville or North Haverbrook would they?
  • Finally, an expansion of BYOM other than Bring Your Own Monkey.
  • Now he can avoid all that traffic... in his backyard.

    Unless he has kids, you'd think riding that thing around would get old really quick. Heck, even *with* kids it would get old quick.
  • This guy lives in the Bay Area (notice the BART train go past his backyard in the pictures?) Now, from my rudimentary knowledge of geology, the Bay Area is susceptible to earthquakes on a regular basis. Could this spell possible trouble for a home-built monorail?
  • >>Kim Petersen designed his from scratch, building the elevated track from wood

    not only is this guy creative but powerful to be able to elevate things with his wood. impressive :)
  • I can't believe... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by bmooney28 ( 537716 ) on Sunday April 07, 2002 @03:41AM (#3297925) Homepage
    How can y'all bash the creator of this masterpiece left and right? This is creativity in pure form... a technical wonder... 100 points of "coolness"... one of the most amazing things I have ever seen! I know people who have spent half this much on the game Everquest buying intangible items, yet I doubt such purchases would drum up anywhere near the negative response that spending $4000 on this creation has elicited on Slashdot... Give this guy some credit!
    • by Anonymous Coward
      It's the Slashdot mentality. Any time anyone does something cool, it automatically 'sucks' and is 'stupid' or 'a waste'.. Probably because the people saying such things would never be able to do something like this.

      Although, in the case of this monorail, I agree, it does suck. It's forcing me to rethink plans for my ideal house. (Now with underground server bunker and monorail!)
  • ...especially the kind of miniature rail you can ride. This is just beyond cool.

    It'd be nice if he could find a way to package this up so it could be demonstrated to transportation planners as a viable solution to rail travel.
    • Monorails don't really have any place in modern transit. They don't really save any space advantage(the limiting factor is the width of the cars, not of the track) and they aren't any more efficient than your everyday lightrail or subway or whatever else you feel like building. In addition, they tend to be less efficient, and also less stable in turns and such.
      • Monorails don't really have any place in modern transit. They don't really save any space advantage(the limiting factor is the width of the cars, not of the track) and they aren't any more efficient than your everyday lightrail or subway or whatever else you feel like building. In addition, they tend to be less efficient, and also less stable in turns and such.

        The friendly folks at the Monorail Society [] might disagree with you on that. Monorails are an efficient solution for crowded cities, since they can be built in the air, and as (by definition) the car is wider than the track they use less space than light rail. Their speed and capacity are more than sufficient for most applications, and they cost a lot less than building subways. This is why there has been a bit of a monorail renaissance lately, with cities as diverse as Las Vegas, Chiba, Kuala Lumpur and Okinawa (Naha) building monorail systems.


        • Well, they're not workable *everywhere*; I grew up near Boston and I can pretty honestly say that there's no place a monorail could fit in without blowing huge holes through downtown (and anyone who knows anything at all about Boston knows that Bostonians are pretty sick of that sort of thing). Might work in Providence, though.

          However, if you have the room for them and sufficient geological stability I think they're a pretty good idea. In a city like Phoenix where everything is fairly new and spread out, yes, it would work; elevated views of a city are often very beautiful as long as it's a nice city (try driving down Boston's Central Artery at night, after most of the traffic is gone).

      • Monorail has a big place to fill here in Seattle, where most of the land is not flat. With rubber tires, they can climb grades much easier than light rail. They're above-grade, removing traffic from slowing down the trains (and vice versa). The current monorail tracks in Seattle are quite old (40 years this year) and modern monorail tracks wouldn't take up nearly as much space due to discovered building techniques/technologies.
  • Sideways forces (Score:2, Interesting)

    by kievit ( 303920 )
    Looking at the photos I wonder how the construction can be robust against the sideways movements of the 100-150kg person+train. The rail just rests on the pylons, there is no reinforcement that prevents it from toppling sideways. Also the pylons themselves are just pricked into the ground, I see no sideways support bars or so. Apparently these sideways forces are absorbed by the railtrack as a whole. But for a long straight section I would worry that that does not work any more.

    Maybe a mechanical engineer in the audience can enlighten me?

    And, on a side note: can somebody explain to me his remark at the last page of the Tour: This picture just screams "only in America," doesn't it? I find his project very beautiful, but what's so American about it? Is it really unimaginable for US citizens that this kind of impressive creative tinkering also happens in other countries?

    • by Anonymous Coward
      Try building this in Europe... Let me know how far you get before they tax you for it.
    • can somebody explain to me his remark at the last page of the Tour: This picture just screams "only in America," doesn't it?

      I'll be happy to. It's an example of one of the things Americans are widely thought to have no appreciation for: irony. The man realizes that it takes a rare combination of personal wealth, freedom, and eccentricity to create a toy like this. "Only in America" means he is a bit sheepish about the time and energy he put into a basically useless project, and is a little surprised that there's a country where a common man can afford to spend so much of his life on such a thing. It's not an insult to anybody else, and he doesn't mean it literally.

      You'll know you get it when you understand that if his neighbors were to sue him for uglifying their view he might well respond with a much angrier (but just as ironic) "Goddamn it! Only in America!"

    • This works for the same reason that raised decks don't crash down...the post holes are usualy dug 3-4 feet deep and filled with concrete.

      At the speeds this monorail moves i'd imagine that 95% of the load is vertical....which the posts should't have any problem with at all.

  • A) Why would someone want a monorail in their backyard? Who has a big enough yard, anyway? What I am trying to say is that not all people are lucky like me to blessed with living in a slightly suburban/rural area with lots of land. A monorail would be impractical for people with less land because the monorail would have to loop in circles... a hard task! B) Who on Gaia has $4K to spend like that?
  • The name monorail means 'mono', meaning 'one', and 'rail', meaning 'rail'. This concludes your 6 week course.
  • by Racine ( 42787 )
    We have a roller coaster. We have a monorail.

    I wanna see someone build thier own Subway, complete with two stops and a building over each one.
    • Okay:

      -I understand the roller coaster thing. There's something cool about being able to make yourself barf without having to wait in line.
      -I understand the monorail, sorta. I'd have set it up a bit differently, but it works. "Garden light rail" (still like that one) fits more or less the same purpose.

      But let's be honest: unless you're going to connect the shed to the garage the whole subway idea is completely useless. The monorail would be more fun for that purpose anyway.


A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.