Fish Work as Anti-terror Agents

sdriver writes "San Francisco's bluegills went to work about a month ago, guarding the drinking water of more than 1 million people from substances such as cyanide, diesel fuel, mercury and pesticides. "There's no known manmade sensor that can do the same job as the bluegill." The New York City Department of Environmental Protection reported at least one instance in which the system caught a toxin before it made it into the water supply."

I don't feel safe!

[MrNaz]

*mumbles something about preferring sharks with frikkin' laser beams*

The question is

[Monkeys!!!]

How do we know this isn't a red herring by some terroist group?

*ducks and runs*

Fishing?

[atomicstrawberry]

Does this mean that if you go fishing you're aiding terrorism?

good idea!

[Wizzerd911]

Well when you think about it, they're really just super complex biological machines that built themselves so they're the perfect solution...except in my area that is. We may have the 2nd most terror targets in the US but the only thing the fish are telling us so far is that you "should not exceed eating two in one year." Looooots of PCB's in there. Terrorists could dump all sorts of stuff in there and we could be pulling up two headed fish without thinking anything was out of the ordinary :P

Re:This is hardly guarding

[MrNaz]

It's as dumb as saying one of those stupid "dogs" that bimbos like Paris Hiton carry around are guard dogs.

They could be if you put frikkin' laser beams on their heads!

nerdy enough?

[Mydron]

[Blugills] are no use against other sorts of attacks -- say [...] an attack by computer hackers on the systems that control the flow of water.

So, is this news for nerds or not?

Definate improvement

[Anonymous Coward]

Gotta be better than the sheep dealing with it now.

Could you speak up please?

[hullabalucination]

I'm hard of herring.

Re:The question is

[bobscealy]

Only 7 posts old and someone has already made a carp joke.

Re:007

[eis271828]

Limpet beats Pond any day! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058230/ [imdb.com]

OH MY GAWD!

[BLAG-blast]

Fish are peeing in our water supply!!!!

E-Mail, eh?

[MrNonchalant]

The computerized system in use in San Francisco and elsewhere is designed to detect even slight changes in the bluegills' vital signs and send an e-mail alert when something is wrong.

From: The Bluegills <[e-mail]>
To: Bob Thompson <[e-mail]>
Subject: Our Contract

Dear Bob,

We don't want to seem ungrateful and we appreciate all you've done. However, it has just come to our attention, and our solicitor's attention, that our job is to test the water for poison. In light of this we'd like to renegotiate. We're looking forward to hearing back from you ASAP concerning this issue.

Sincerely,
Tim, Ed, and Bill
The Bluegills

Re:good idea!

[Rob T Firefly]

I think there may be a little extra Mercury in the fish supply. All the fish have grown little moustaches and started singing about champions and radios.

Well, Bushie predicted this one

[Durandal64]

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
-George W. Bush, Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

Give credit where credit's due.

Re:nerdy enough?

[mcc]

Clearly what we need to do is just release fish into the computer systems as well.

Geeks at work as counterterrorists, too

[!splut]

That reminds me of a similar article:

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A type of person so common that practically every American who ever attended grade school has probably harassed one is being enlisted in the fight against terrorism.

San Francisco, New York, Washington and other big cities are using computer geeks -- also known as computer nerds or slashdotters -- as a sort of canary in a coal mine to safeguard the internet.

Small numbers of the geeks are kept in cubicles supplied with Mountain Dew and a broadband internet connection from local internet service providers (ISPs), and sensors in each cubicle work around the clock to register changes in the breathing, heartbeat and browsing patterns of the geeks that occur in the presence of internet attacks.

"Nature's given us pretty much the most powerful and reliable early warning center out there," said Bill Lawler, co-founder of Intelligent Automation Corporation, a Southern California company that makes and sells the geek monitoring system. "There's no known manmade sensor that can do the same job as the computer nerd."

Since September 11, the government has taken very seriously the threat of attacks on the U.S. internet. Federal law requires nearly all internet service providers to assess their vulnerability to terrorism.

Big cities employ a range of safeguards against chemical and biological agents, constantly monitoring, testing and treating the water. But protection systems for electronic networks can trace only the hacks they are programmed to detect, Lawler said.

Computer geeks -- a hardy species about the size of a normal human being, but thinner and paler -- are considered more versatile. They are highly attuned to internet integrity, and when exposed to even brief internet outages, they experience the geek version of coughing, compulsively reloading browser windows and pinging gateways to determine the source of the congestion.

The computerized system in use in San Francisco and elsewhere is designed to detect even slight changes in the geek's vital signs and send an e-mail alert when something is wrong.

PETA & SPCA

[aalu.paneer]

Won't PETA & SPCA complain?

Still Don't Trust The Fish

[ArizonaKid]

As someone who grew up in New Jersey, there were many lakes that had those little guys swimming all over the place...

And there isn't a change in hell that I would drink any of the water in those lakes. Those fish are survivors, and although I am not a scientist, I could only conclude that the fish in the lakes nearby had to have gone through some type of resistant mutation... That really doesn't help my confidence in the safety of the water.

I say use goldfish. Those little bastards take one day of me forgetting to feed them to go belly up.

Re:This is hardly guarding

[Anonymous Coward]

In Australia, we have stingrays guarding us from pests.

bluegills?

[Patrik_AKA_RedX]

I would have picked piranas and crocodiles. The bluegills just let you know the water is poisend after which you have the large expence of finding and trialing the terrorist. My system makes it very easy: The terrorist are the little pieces of pirana feces floating in the water. Or the guy stuck in the tree above the crocodiles. Either way we save at lot of money.

Re:nerdy enough?

[Wizzerd911]

*turns off his firewall and on the fish screensaver* well, I'm set now :) No talliban viruses are coming in this baby :D

Animals against terror?

[SendBot]

This thing with the fish sounds great and all, but I'm worry about my 4th amendment rights being eroded by little birds telling my government things.

At least I can count on moles to uphold le resistance.

Re:Fishing?

[ultranova]

Does this mean that if you go fishing you're aiding terrorism?

Yes. You should get your fish from a market. Preferably fish imported from Japan. If you are self-sufficient in some respect, you are destroying the pillars of mutual dependence on which current capitalism and world economy are built.

Besides, the fish are not privately owned. You are benefiting from public property. Which means that:

When you're fishing, you're catching communism !

Re:Fishing?

[atomicstrawberry]

Communism and Terrorism? All we need now is a flimsy excuse for protecting our fish from the horrors of child pornography and we'll be set!

Clams deserve credit too

[archeopterix]

I've read an article about clams used for the same purpose - they might be even better than fish, because they speak binary (clam open/clam clammed up) and don't move so much, so it's easier to monitor them automatically. The system in question raised alarm if more than a preset percentage of the clams clammed up. I cannot find the original article, but here's a short press note [sgnis.org] about a similar system that I found:

Delta Consult, a Dutch company, markets a water pollution monitor that uses live zebra mussels as sensors.

The product uses changes in mussels behavior - as determined by monitoring shell movement through electromagnetic induction - to detect water quality changes. The mussels are glued to the device.

Delta Consult reports that the system can detect low concentrations of tributyl-tin oxide, chlorine, crude oil and such heavy metals as copper, cadmium, selenium, zinc and lead.

The best part of the system is that the mussels are replaceable - but you must supply your own.

Fitted with Laser on Head?

[mahesh_gharat]

Are these fitted with Laser on their heads? :-)
By the way this news is too old. I read it in print media couple of daze ago.

Re:so polluters are terrorists now?

[Anonymous Coward]

Amen!
Every time someone mentions the word "terrorist" these days I have an urge to either laugh, cry, or subject said person to violence. Generally the latter, which for me is rather unusual. *sigh* The world is going to hell faster than expected...

Re:Could you speak up please?

[AGMW]

I'm hard of herring.

You appear to be a dab [first-nature.com] hand at these fish jokes, and I don't want to carp [wikipedia.org] and knock you off your perch [anglerstimes.co.uk], but maybe you didn't do it on porpoise [theporpoisepage.com]?

Re:The question is

[telchine]

I've haddock up to here with terrorists and their shellfish behaviour.

Re:Could you speak up please?

[MisterSquiddy]

Keep the noise down please. I have a terrible haddock.

Re:Could you speak up please?

[Shaper_pmp]

Oh my Cod [wikipedia.org] that was awful. I would never bream [wikipedia.org] of lowering myself to punning, but it's about what I'd expect in this plaice [wikipedia.org]

Re:Geeks at work as counterterrorists, too

[KZigurs]

You realise that internet outage that would force common //homo nerdus// to shut off would make any e-mail notifications futile.

Idiotic government contractors.

Re:And what about the fish themselves?

[monsted]

Hmm, i wonder if this is why the sea is so salty...

Re:Fishing?

[Anonymous Coward]

Communism and Terrorism? All we need now is a flimsy excuse for protecting our fish from the horrors of child pornography and we'll be set!

I have heard that hardcore fishermen like to assault fish in schools.

Water Test Results 21-09-2006 13:01

[flickwipe]

Bluegill A: HEARTBEAT nil, BREATHING non-existant, SWIMMING PATTERN bobbing along the top of the tank

Bluegill B: HEARTBEAT lub but still waiting for the dub, BREATHING laboured due to lungs hanging out of mouth, SWIMMING PATTERN thrashing about madly next to the castle

Bluegill C: HEARTBEAT n/a, BREATHING n/a, SWIMMING PATTERN n/a
Please note: Bluegill C exploded


Conclusion: Possible contamination of drinking supply? Will ask for second opinion when Shift Manager returns from holiday

Re:The idea's not exactly new.

[fatmal]

The only new thing is using fish instead of birds

Yeah, when they tested the water using birds the only conclusion was 'That must be REALLY poisoned water!'

much worse than I feared

[misanthrope101]

Are you kidding? There is sea life that not only mates under 1 year of age, but sometimes actually changes gender! I'm expecting a Focus on the Family talking paper any day now. Don't tell them that some frogs are transexuals as well. It all started with Janet Jackson's nipple. I don't remember any of this crap happening before we had aureolas on the boob tu... well, on the television.

Re:Geeks at work as counterterrorists, too

[brianerst]

Computer geeks -- a hardy species about the size of a normal human being, but thinner and paler -- are considered more versatile.

Only in California are computer geeks thinner. Out here in the Midwest, we grow 'em big.

Re:very difficult to make that effective

[zerocool^]

...one gram can kill a bazillion people...

Plutonium, for example, is not soluble in water and is very heavy... ... So, does a gram of plutonium way more, or less, than a gram of feathers?

Bluefish on a plane?

[griffjon]

Does this mean we can carry water bottles on planes again -- if they have bluefish swimming in them?

Re:very difficult to make that effective

[debrain]

It might kill nothing except a few rats.

Or turning them and four baby turtles into ninjas, heros in a half-shell so to speak, which grow up to be a crime-fighting team of pizza-loving mutants.

Re:Could you speak up please?

[kin_korn_karn]

Halibut you quit floundering about, take these two aspirin and call me in the marlin.

Re:very difficult to make that effective

[tehcyder]

So, does a gram of plutonium way more, or less, than a gram of feathers?

I think the standard of scientific knowledge displayed recently on slashdot is absolutely appalling, and a terrible indictment of the failings of our education system in modern society.

I mean, what sort of an idiot needs to even ask this question - obviously the plutonium weighs more.