A local warehouse clerk announced Tuesday that he intends to start mugging strangers because of recent developments in artificial intelligence security. Derek "Deke" Hargrove, 34, told reporters that powerful AI systems can now analyze any publicly available information about a person and turn it into a perfect plan for exploitation. "Any data you put out there -- your routines, your photos, your habits -- it is all open-source to these AI models now," Hargrove said outside a Loop coffee shop, with a ski mask visible in his back pocket. "They can study it and build a complete blueprint to rob or target you. Living a normal digital life just is not safe anymore."
Hargrove added that conventional security measures have become ineffective. "The only truly secure option left is to go fully analog," he said. "No digital trail, no logs, no AI predicting my every move. Just me, a dark street, and whoever walks by with cash in their pocket." He said he intends to launch his new career tomorrow night.