Hearing Voices? Could Be the Lasers

An anonymous reader sends us to Wired for a piece about some declassified Pentagon research from 1998 that has been revealed in a freedom-of-information filing. Apparently the Pentagon has investigated lasers that put voices in your head, among other non-lethal technologies such as microwave heating. The report suggests the techniques could be useful for controlling crowds or in negotiations. There is no context for the research or any indication whether it has continued, although the microwave heating bit sounds rather like the Active Denial System we have discussed recently.

Real Genius

[cthulu_mt]

Kent: Is that you God?

Tin foil hats vs. orbital mind control lasers.

[Spectre]

See, the tinfoil hats REALLY DO WORK against the orbital mind control lasers ...

Finally! Help for Paranoid Schizophrenics!

[Fëanáro]

We should use this awesome technologie to help guide ill people.

Especially Paranoid Schizophrenics. [theonion.com]

We can send them reassuring messages, like "you are not alone. we are there to get you (help)"

or warn them of imminent dangers, like which bus drivers hate them.

Voices

[jumpinp]

I knew I wasn't crazy.

Re:Tin foil hats vs. orbital mind control lasers.

[ZenDragon]

A former Arizona governor used to wear tin foil hats and cover his windows with tin foil at the governors office (where I worked for a while). Everybody thought he was just crazy but apparently he knew something that we did not!

Wild Goose Chase

[prajjwal]

Damn.. back when I had decided to investigate this, voices in my head kept telling me that it was a wild goose chase!

pkd

[KrazeeEyezKilla]

PHILIP K DICK WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG now we just have to wait for the pentagon to admit that we are living in the roman empire and that it's 79 AD

Re:Voices

[spun]

Wait, does this mean I'm not crazy? :(

Well, what do the voices say?

Re:Someone's been reading Philip K. Dick

[Ruke]

That's the same thing that popped into my head.

An obvious practical application

[paulpach]

There is an obvious application [coolest-gadgets.com] for this technology.

Re:Voices

[$RANDOMLUSER]

You're just jealous because they only talk to me.

Re:If torture wasn't unreliable enough

[Gat0r30y]

The obvious use is of course to license the technology to Major League Baseball to tell everyone to buy more MLB merchandise (and of course for marketing research). You didn't think those congresional hearings were really about sterioids did you?

Gay Bomb

[Tablizer]

They can use this in conjunction with the "gay bomb" (hormone tweaker) they were working on. Now voices can say, "It's okay, don't feel guilty. He's cute, go for it!".

Re:If torture wasn't unreliable enough

[palegray.net]

Why stop at beaming voices into their heads? We can achieve must more cooperation through the transmission of these fine symphonic works:

• Britney Spears - Oops!...I Did It Again (can't stop playing these catchy tunes)
• Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison (if you don't cooperate)
• Blondie - I Touch Myself (with a loaded shotgun)
• Backstreet Boys - I Want It That Way (we just want answers)

Microsoft

[Tablizer]

"Clippy followed me home from the office! Make it shut up, aaarrrrrrggghh!"

Re:If torture wasn't unreliable enough

[somersault]

Either that or some jerk in the crowd could laser in "YOU SUCK!" just as the batter is about to swing .. and I thought laser pens at the cinema were annoying :s

Re:Wild Goose Chase

[Architect_sasyr]

Is this the appropriate time for a certain bash quote [bash.org]:

<ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body
<ColdRage687> but then i realized
<ColdRage687> pssssh
<ColdRage687> look whats telling me that

Re:Voices

[PPH]

Well, what do the voices say?

"Heeeeere's Johnny!"

Re:Tin foil hats vs. orbital mind control lasers.

[Rei]

I knew it! Conspiracy theories: 1. Regular theories: A billion

Re:Real Genius

[Samgilljoy]

Just wait until they sell the technology to the private sector. Instead of poor slobs standing on street corners waving signs, we'll have troops of unskilled laborers running around with laser devices trying to shoot everyone in the head.

Laser Advertising: straight out your marketers' asses into your customers' heads.

Well at least we know what happened.......

[edwardpickman]

in the 2000 and 2004 elections. Thought control lasers make more sense than the election results did.

Re:Voices

[morgan_greywolf]

Well, what do the voices say?

"Gates is a God. Only Microsoft software is secure. The GPL is a plague upon the world."

Just the usual....

Non-lethal Microwave Heating????

[woolio]

non-lethal technologies such as microwave heating.

I think many a feline would disagree about the non-lethality of a microwave oven.