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What Should One Know to be Truly Computer Literate? 629

rbannon asks: "Computer literacy is becoming an increasingly used term in education, and more and more schools are being asked to set computer literacy goals for their students. Unfortunately for too many, it means being able to use Microsoft products, and that's all. However, I see it much differently, and I cannot help but think that computer literacy is all about using computers to be able to communicate more effectively. With that in mind does anyone have any recommendations for computer literacy goals, and how to measure them?"
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What Should One Know to be Truly Computer Literate?

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  • by WatchTheTramCarPleas ( 970756 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:06PM (#15391120) Homepage
    I think everyone should be able to put together a system from hardware and install an operating system. We all know it isn't particularly hard to do (I'm talking about a self installing os like windows or suse, not one of those uber hardcore linux distros), but you gain an entirely different perspective on computing when you understand the basic concepts required to do so. It will at least demystify the basic idea of computing for the vast majority of americans. I am thoughly dissapointed in the concept of computer literacy. Using ms word and pressing the start button does not qualify as being computer literate. You wouldn't exactly call a first grader who reads word by word one word a second literate and ready for the world would you?
  • by celest ( 100606 ) <mekki@mekki.ca> on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:09PM (#15391132) Homepage
    With the ever-changing technologies, the key skill no longer becomes knowing how to use any particular tool, piece of hardware or software, but rather becomes the ability to adapt and effectively learn how to use any tool or environment.

    Not to sound too cliché, but Google and the Internet are at the center of this. Much like books eliminated the need for memorization and transmission by oral tradition, Google and the Internet revolutionize how one learns and adapts. Teach your students how to learn and adapt. Teach them skills on ways to search for information, ways to evaluate what information is good, and what is trash, and teach them how to contribute back information for others to learn from their experiences, good or bad.

    To evaluate them, give them novel, creative problems and the tools to learn how to adapt to the environment, and search for solutions. Evaluate their ability to use the resources at their disposal to come up with their own solutions to the problems. This is infinitely better than training them to rote memorize solutions to static problems.

    I'd like to see a day where a skill that is searched for on a resumé is no longer a specific ability with a specific tool, but simply the line "Fast and adaptive learner" or "Excel at creative solution design in novel environments." That's what I'd be looking for in an employee, and for future generations of technology users.
  • Installing. (Score:1, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:15PM (#15391156)
    How to install an operating system, so that when they get sick of non-free rubbish they can switch to a free software system.... Or reinstall Windows themselves.
  • by slasher999 ( 513533 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:25PM (#15391195)
    There was a time when I would have agreed completely. That time was probably around '95 or so. However, I've modified that idea somewhat over the past decade. Today I think everyone who wants to consider themselves "computer literate" should be able to identify the components of a typical computer - that is a PC or Mac, laptop or desktop (the parts aren't that different after all). Can they tell the difference between a hard drive and a video card? Can they explain the basic purpose of each?

    Onto the operating system. A person who considers themselves "computer literate" should be able to describe the basic purpose of an operating system and use the OS they are most familiar with in an efficient manner. The person should also be able to maintain the system - install and update AV or Malware protection and describe the purpose of each, apply service packs to the OS and installed applications and describe their purpose, upgrade shrinkwrapped applications (or applications that are comparable to that now antiquated term, I'm simply not including the ability to download source and config/make/make install here).

    I believe those are the basic qualifications for today's computer literate person.
  • Basic vs Advanced. (Score:2, Interesting)

    by Necoras ( 918009 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:27PM (#15391203)
    Basic knowledge would probably be the ability to surf the internet w/o difficulty, use a basic editor/wordprocessor, read and send e-mail, and possibly run a few choice applications. Advanced users should have an understanding of how to install/uninstall software and operating systems, navigate a command prompt/shell, and know the basics of how an operating system works. Ideally they should be able to write scripts and probably some code. They should be able to learn new operating systems and applications quickly. The biggest factor in literacy is comfort. If you can read/write/speak a language without difficulty then you're literate. If you can get things done on a computer easily then you're computer literate.
  • context: education (Score:4, Interesting)

    by cbr2702 ( 750255 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:27PM (#15391205) Homepage
    Someone says "our schools should make sure all their graduates are computer literate". People agree. What does this sort of literacy entail?
  • Re:Simple (Score:5, Interesting)

    by AuMatar ( 183847 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:28PM (#15391212)
    Scarily enough, thats all too true. My mom, who can barely use email, is the hosptial's "computer person". She's the only one willing to pull the plug and reboot it when it freezes up.
  • by Geminii ( 954348 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:40PM (#15391264)
    The ability to perform the tasks they want or need to do. Although this does not take into account the ability to perform maintenance and/or repairs when the system deviates from ideal function. I can drive a car, change a tyre and check the oil. I don't know how to swap out an engine, but I could take some car maintenance courses and learn. This makes me 'car literate' for 99% of daily tasks, even though I couldn't hold down a career as a garage mechanic based on what I currently know.
  • Re:The following.... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by MBCook ( 132727 ) <foobarsoft@foobarsoft.com> on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @10:45PM (#15391290) Homepage
    An excellent list. I can only add a few small things to it.

    First is the Ctrl-X/V/C. Make sure they understand copy/paste/cut. It is terribly useful and something that a surprisingly small number of computer users seem to know how to use.

    READ DIALOG BOXES. This goes with the "no one from Nigeria" stuff. I can't tell you how many people I've helped with computers or errors or questions where the process of helping them consisted of "Did you read the dialog box?" "What does the dialog box say?" "So what should you do?" and that helped them.

    Last, and most important UNDERSTAND THE FILESYSTEM. I've gotten my parents quite good at day-to-day use of the computer. It has taken YEARS. That said, I wouldn't consider them computer literate. This is one of the reasons.

    So you want to find a file my parents saved. Where is it? That's right... My Documents. Not a sub-folder, just My Documents. That's where there are a few thousand files. Why? Because that is the default save location. Unless it's not. Some programs (AOL, etc) like to save somewhere else. So files saved from those programs are in those folders. Good luck finding anything, especially with the cruddy Windows search function. Spotlight would work well, but then again I gave them Google Desktop and they don't use it (it's easier to just scroll through the list of 3,000 files).

    Introducing them to a few basic file types (TXT, JPG, HTML, DOC, XLS, ZIP, etc.) would also be a good step. So would the idea that you can delete a zip file after you unzip it. A decent chunk of the stuff in my parents My Documents folder? Zip files and their contents that Windows or AOL unzipped for them. But since that process is hidden, they don't know to delete the ZIP files or what they are.

    In fact, they don't understand files and e-mail either. When you get an attachment in e-mail (say a picture) and you choose to view it and it gets saved to the hard drive... what do you do the next time you want to view that picture? That's right, you go to the e-mail and RE-SAVE the file with the default filename (helpfully with a "(1)" or some such at the end to ensure you have tons of spare copies) and let the right program open up automatically again. E-mail is a foreign land from the file system for all they know. AOL and it's tendencies to keep it's own weird folders and such have NOT helped at all in this regard.

    In fact, warn them against AOL in the first place. I can not tell you how many things I've given up teaching because of AOL.

    I'll post more if I can think of it. But basic use of the filesystem (especially creating folder and how you can nest folders and use that for organization) is critical.

  • by warewolfe ( 877477 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @11:35PM (#15391468) Homepage

    Kinda have to disagree, computer literacy is the same as regular literacy. The more literate you are the easier it is to switch context and still gain useful knowledge.

    The average office worker is not as computer literate as a software developer because generally, all they can do, is use their word processor, email and spreadsheets. While a software developer would be able use an IDE,compilers, debuggers and also be able to use a word processor to write a report and figure out their budgets on a spreadsheet.

    Likewise a person who has worked in different enviroments (MS, Mac,*nix) using different tools, (text editors, spread sheets, media players,compilers) is more computer literate than a person who has only ever used their win-box to email. They may know every hot-key short cut and trick that Outlook can handle but they're not really computer literate if they can't send an email on a mac or linux box if they have to.

    The more contexts/environments a person can work in, and the shorter time it takes to gain fluency in a new context, the more computer literate that person is.

  • by ConceptJunkie ( 24823 ) on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @11:44PM (#15391505) Homepage Journal
    ... it's about how to think.

    One of the reasons my employer is moving from Tcl to another development platform for Web infrastructure, probably Java, is because they claim they can get more Java programmers than Tcl programmers. While this might be true, I would argue that they will get exactly as many competent, effective Java programmers as they get Tcl programmers, in other words, very few. Any programmer worth the appellation can do his job regardless of the tool.

    Equating "literacy" with the ability to use Microsoft Office (or something similar) is like equating mathematics knowledge by memorizing the times tables up to 100. Useful for a very specific, narrow range of tasks, but completely worthless when presented with a new type of problem.

    Unfortunately, it is far easier to test for memorization than for actual thinking, and this is the route of least resistance our education system likes to take.

  • by jmorris42 ( 1458 ) * <jmorris&beau,org> on Tuesday May 23, 2006 @11:58PM (#15391572)
    I define "computer literacy" as I would any other use of the word "literacy". A person who can listen or read a language but can't express an original thought in it isn't considered 'literate'. Yes, I mean programming is required to be considered computer literate. Computers are nothing more than a decoder for instructions, if all you can do is cause it to play back someone else's stored commands you are a passive user in exactly the same way as a child sticking Barney videos into the VCR in their bedroom.

    Yes, many people (especially in the uneducated nations of today's modern Western world) might be able to live a productive life only knowing how to operate a web browser but 'computer literate' they ain't. You can make exactly the same observation about someone who can't write a coherent paragraph, they too can often live a productive life in the lower classes of society, but illiteracy kills off most chances to better oneself.

    And I can already hear some witless wonder getting ready to analogize about people not needing to be mechanics to use a car, blah blah. No everyone doesn't need to be able to strip an engine down but they should know where all the major parts are, the basic theory of operation, common failure modes, make a few emergency fixes, etc. You might not be able to write an office suite from scratch but you should be able to write a spreadsheet macro, a simple shell script or be able to at least have a shot at fixing a bug in a larger program that is really annoying you.
  • by mysticgoat ( 582871 ) * on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @02:40AM (#15392147) Homepage Journal

    I work for the department of a community college that teaches computer skills to adults who are seeking entry level jobs. Our clientelle are generally funded by one of half a dozen different State grants. We've got a proven track record of taking persons off State assistance programs and turning them into taxpayers.

    In this milieu, I think "computer literacy" can be regarded as a continuum with definite upper and lower boundaries:

    • The low boundary is being able to perform common office tasks like email, word processing, and internet searches, and being able to understand and follow general instructions with regard to executing these tasks, and being able to describe specific tasks in these categories in an understandable way. A person who can do these things is going to be an asset to any company who hires them and we teach to this level of performance.
    • The lower middle part concerns being able to do all of the common office tasks with one brand of software, and being able to confidently learn how to do these tasks on unfamiliar software, and demonstrating a history of on-going acquisition of computer skills. I try to influence our courses so they foster the attitudes, curiosity, and ambition that would cause our students to seek this level of proficiency after they are employed.
    • The upper middle part concerns being able to contribute meaningfully to risk/benefit discussions about changing office software, policies, or procedures. This kind of work is to common office work as writing novels or poetry is to writing one's diary: it involves much more than technical proficiency with the software tools; it requires a degree of insight into the social and political aspects of software usage.
    • And the high boundary of computer literacy in this milieu is being able to develop and implement office policies and procedures that effectively exploit available software and computer resources. Certainly there are many technical skills like programming or database construction that might feed into this, but those skills are also clearly separate from shaping software tasks and job descriptions in useful ways. (This may sound like systems analyst work-- but in practice it is more like a merger of choreography and marriage counseling).

    Note that it is entirely possible for someone with extensive programming or sysadmin skills to score pretty low on this continuum. I have met such people. It almost seems as though some people can learn to shoe a horse without ever learning the basics about how to ride one.

  • by cp.tar ( 871488 ) <cp.tar.bz2@gmail.com> on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @03:07AM (#15392233) Journal

    One of my... well, in the USA I guess would be called majors in college... is Information Science, which we students describe as a kind of Computer Science Lite. Nothing like the hard work people in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science put in, anyway. However, people here are being taught about several kinds of computer literacy:

    • Using Windows XP and MS Office, i.e. Word, Excel, PowerPoint. And Internet Explorer, gods help us, although our college oficially endorses Firefox.
    • Basic programming. In Pascal.
    • Basic HTML. Only HTML. Done in Notepad. including the <FONT> tag and all its options.
      At least there's Notepad++ for us who know that it's there.
    • Basic active webpage design. In ASP.NET. In that crappy MS Visual Web Developer Thingy 2005, using VB.NET, if I understood correctly. Anyway, crappy program, crappy language, crappily taught.
    • Some advanced text processing, which is, as far as I can tell, some advanced functions of MS Word (I'm a freshman, and this is a sophomore course, so I only know what they tell me).
    • Some database work in junior and senior years.
    • I haven't heard mention of any kind of specialised library, museum or any related software, although there should be.

    Anyway, that's why we're starting a club which may well, depending on the interest, develop into an informal parallel study. There are enough of us who know enough about many different areas and who are willing to learn more. So we plan to:

    • give courses on several programming languages:
      • Scheme or Lisp and Prolog (very handy for NLP)
      • PHP and Python
      • supplemental courses in Pascal and Basic.
    • organise a Build Your Own Computer workshop, for we find the fact that some of our fellow students have to pay someone to upgrade their RAM scandalous.
    • teach proper (LaTeX) typesetting (that's if I find enough time to learn it myself - any good on-line manuals you can reccomend?)
    • get people to know different operating systems - at least Windows and Linux, Mac OS X if we can get our hands on it, Solaris if we have time; make them aware of multiplatform software and open formats.
    • teach proper webpage design - (X)HTML + CSS and then move up.

    We're sure we'll get more ideas in time... but I meant this to show at least some of the differences in our views on computer literacy as compared to most of our teachers'. On the other hand, we can expect some of the other kind of teachers to join our courses, so not everything is lost in advance.

  • by teh kurisu ( 701097 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @06:04AM (#15392664) Homepage
    How about the European Computer Driving Licence [ecdl.com]? It's what my university uses for its basic IT skills course.
  • by klik ( 93694 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @07:40AM (#15392908)
    http://www.bcs.org/server.php?show=nav.5829 [bcs.org]

    European Computer Driving License. ECDL. I know quite a number of students at the 17-18 age group have gone for these in the UK, and a number of companies are supporting staff getting them - it at least signifies that someone has proved themselves capable of understanding the use of a computer to a basic extent.

  • by mikael ( 484 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @08:05AM (#15392999)
    The basic computer skills include:

    Basic computer hardware knowledge

    Knowing how to fix basic problems with a computer. In some computer labs, the students would "reserve" desktop systems for themselves by turning the brightness all the way down or by loosening the video cable. Other students would just assume the machine was broken and send a fault notice to the helpdesk.

    Basic filesystem knowledge - how to create/delete directories, move and copy files. Being able to use CD-ROM/DVD burners, USB keys

    Basic keyboarding skills - being able to write punctuated text in a notepad style
    text editor.

    Basic computer communication skills - knowing how to receive, send, forward and edit E-mail. Understanding of mailing list etiquette. For large corporations, people would blindly use reply-to-all when they have received an E-mail from a mailing list that they were added to by default and tried to unsubscribe.

    Basic workdprocessing/spreadsheet skills - being able to load, edit, print and save files, and export these in a variety of file formats.

    Basic webpage authoring - how to create webpages with images, hyperlinks and text.

  • by Flambergius ( 55153 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @09:39AM (#15393514)
    Computer literate person:

    * does not fear or mystify the computer or computer specialists.

    * knows the basic operation of a personal computer, starting from how turn computer on and off and ending around knowing when and which expert to call about problems.

    * knows, in practice, the paradigms of human-computer interaction, most often meaning a functional ability to use most modern GUIs.

    * knows the rules of thumb of computer security and privacy.

    * can search for and understand manuals and other information sources about new areas of computer use.

    * can make educated guesses about relevant search terms.

    * has a firm grip of the theoretical limits of what can be done with a computer.

    * can issue commands to a computer in a way that makes sense in the relevant problem domain.

    Being able to program is obviously one generic ability that would fulfill the last criteria. However, programming is too often understood to mean an ability to design and implement systems or applications. That is not required for computer literacy. Programming-related things that computer literacy would include are: expressing information in a computer understandable way, information manipulation, information querying and some ability to use interfaces like APIs.

    I feel strongly about the basic ability to command a computer. In the digital age everyone should have that ability. I may be, however, defining the substance of commanding too close to programming. It may be that less is needed or that more emphasis should be in understanding processes or epistemology or something.

    --Flam

  • by guitaristx ( 791223 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @09:57AM (#15393649) Journal
    • Here's a start.
    • Basic vocabulary
      • Operating system
      • Hard drive
      • Memory [RAM] (and its difference between the hard drive)
      • CPU
      • Monitor
      • Keyboard
      • Network interface
      • Removable storage
      • CD-ROM device (it's not a cupholder!)
    • Understanding what the filesystem is, and how it works:
      • Files are not stored in applications, they are stored in files ("I forgot where on the filesystem I saved my file," instead of "I saved a file in Word, and now it's not in Word anymore.")
      • Understanding copying, moving, and deleting files.
      • Understanding that opening an existing file, changing it, and using "Save As..." doesn't modify the original file.
    • Computers are not magic:
      • Configuration can't always be automatic; sometimes you have to configure things yourself.
      • If your computer behaves differently than before, it probably means that something has changed.
      • Your computer is doing more than what the visible windows show (e.g. background processes).
    • Error messages and confirmation dialogs have important text in them, and shouldn't always be dismissed:
      • If a website unexpectedly asks you to install a program, don't install it!
      • Sometimes, error messages give you the information you need to fix a problem (e.g. insert a floppy disk).
    • You are capable of solving many of your own problems:
      • Google is your friend.
      • The man pages (or help files) are your friend.
      • The program's output (dialog boxes, status bar, e.g.) is your friend.
  • by KilobyteKnight ( 91023 ) <bjm@midso u t h . r r .com> on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @10:02AM (#15393686) Homepage
    The low boundary is being able to perform common office tasks like email, word processing, and internet searches, and being able to understand and follow general instructions with regard to executing these tasks, and being able to describe specific tasks in these categories in an understandable way. A person who can do these things is going to be an asset to any company who hires them and we teach to this level of performance.

    My son at age 2 was able to type in his name and a short password, navigate to the games he wanted to play (Jumpstart Toddler and some Cartoon Network online games), and do basic tasks. By 4 he was able to do everything on your low boundry. I would not consider that to be the low boundry for college or adults, I would consider it the low boundry for first graders. That's stuff that should be taught in kindergarden.

    Understanding how computers work and how to use them is no longer a fringe skill. It's as important as knowing how to read and write is in most businesses. IT departments have enough to do without having to hand hold people who have no idea where they saved their document, or what they named it, or if they named it, etc. If a filing clerk kept misplacing the paper folders they'd be fired. Yet somehow it gets a pass when they do it electronically.

    I would define a reasonable level of functional computer literacy somewhere between your low and high middle. High middle and high should be taught in high school. Anyone who is below your low middle is no more computer literate than someone who can barely read if they take the time to sound it out is literate in the traditional sense.
  • by blackbeaktux ( 525688 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @10:03AM (#15393692)
    Teach a man to be curious, and you'll be learning from him one day.

    It's sad that we're often satisfied with step #2 and steps 3 and 4 are viewed in disdain.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @10:22AM (#15393882)
    Whoa... scripting? We are talking about literacy, IE something kids and grandmothers should be able to acheive. Scripting requires a great deal of knowledge about how to use a computer before you can start taking those pieces together to create greater functionality. Its going to be tough to teach someone who is struggling to remember the ls command how to grep that output and pipe it to wc -l to see how many recipes she has with "pie" or whatever in the title.

    I think the general definition of literacy is simple. They should know how to operate the computer on a day to day basis well enough that they can learn or get help on their own. For any OS, this means starting/stopping the computer, running programs, installing programs, understanding what the file system is, how it is set up and how to navigate it. How to change basic usability settings like mouse sensitivity, UI colors, wallpaper, etc. How and where to acquire new software. How to get on and navigate the internet, how to spot spam/phishing sites. These are the basics, and the details of how to do these tasks are OS specific.

    On top of this though, to be "literate" you really have to know how to use the basic functionality of common software packages such as email programs, web browsers, word processors, etc.

    NO ONE is literate though until they can take the knowledge they have and learn new things though. Case in point- my mother. I told her how to install aim, she sat there with a notepad and wrote down every single step down to what button to select. I told her that she just needed to understand the general process, and that most likely the exact site name and buttons would change. She just gave me a blank stare. I used to encourage her to write down how to do stuff for simple tasks so she could eventually memorize them and start connecting the dots that this stuff is pretty much the same throughout most programs. Instead, she used her cheat sheets as a crutch, and never deviated from them one iota, never connected the dots, she just blindly followed instructions without thinking about what she was doing. This is a woman who has been using computers for over 20 years. Its kind of astounding.
  • by fishbot ( 301821 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @12:35PM (#15395144) Homepage
    A person cannot be considered "computer literate" unless they can sit down in front of just about anything they might reasonably encounter and be able to get at least rudimentary stuff done. Learning just how to drill down a specific system's menus (or across "ribbons" if they ever appear) to the exclusion of alternate methods is almost worse than no education at all.

    Hear hear!

    I recently had to reinstall my in-law's PC due to it being crufted to the eyeballs and basically running like a dog. I took the opportunity to upgrade to WinXP and all was well. I then discovered that they didn't have an Office disk and my M-I-L uses Word a lot. Apparently a 'man just installed it for us'. Hmm.

    Anyway, with no Office disk handy Installed OpenOffice.org2. The menus are largely similar, the font, size, alignment and formatting buttons are in the same place. The print button is in the the same place too. All is well.

    The M-I-L comes along, clicks her Word document and starts editing. She has already mentally equated minor visual differences with the switch to WinXP, so ignores the slight layout shift and gets down to work. A little while later she notices some oddities. For example, OOo autocomplete was turned on, and it kept guessing what she was trying to type (correctly, I might add). Only then did she cotton on that it didn't say 'Microsoft Word' at the top of the window.

    "I can't use this! I don't know how to work it! I only know Word!" came the cry. I try to counter with "You've just spent 2 productive hours getting a document together, including making the page 2-column and printing 2 sample copies. How can you say you don't know how to use it?"

    Unfortunately ALL I got from there on in was "I only know Word! I only know Word! I don't know what this is, I only know Word!"

    She now has Word 97 (legally). It's crap. She still has OOo if she wants it, but she still maintains she doesn't know how to use it. You seriously CANNOT help some people improve because they simply do not want to. There is a mental block that says "I don't know about computers" and that's as far as they will ever get.

    Sadly this means that we long-suffering computer literate relatives have a lifetime of sorting out viruses, scams, trojans and spyware ahead of us because people, quite literally, will never learn.
  • by CmdrGravy ( 645153 ) on Wednesday May 24, 2006 @01:49PM (#15395797) Homepage
    When I did my Computer Studies A level ( around 14 years ago ) there was very little which was specific to Microsoft or any other IT company, instead we learnt about the way databases, networks, spreadsheets were supposed to work and what you should be using them for in generalities rather than bothering too much with actually using any specific database or wordprocessor.

    In a way I think this is much better since you can find yourself having to work with any aspect of computer technology and knowing what it should be capable of doing it is usually pretty easy to work out how it is actually doing it in the case you are dealing with. You usually also end up learning how many Microsoft products don't quite do what you would expect them to do and do other, unexpected things, when you get them to do the things they can do ;-)

    A few years later when I was unemployed and forced to do an NVQ in various computer technologies it was indeed Microsoft all the way and simply parroting a set of steps necessary to whack some numbers in a spreadsheet/write some letter etc etc. This was laughably easy but I suspect the people on the course coming up against computers for the first time learnt very little that they directly use 8 years later unless they actually managed to work out for themselves why they were doing the steps they were making.

An Ada exception is when a routine gets in trouble and says 'Beam me up, Scotty'.

Working...