Spam Turns 100, By One Reckoning

mkavanagh2 writes "Spam is 100 years old today! But, surprisingly, the first spam wasn't sent via e-mail. In fact, 100 years ago, Cunard sent out telegrams to selected (rich) members of the British social elite, advertising tickets on a new liner, and becoming the first spammer. Let us all take out a moment to consider how to best 'repay' the spammers who followed for the 100 years of 'joy' they have given us. ;)"

What a Cunard

[Anonymous Coward]

I'd kill him if he weren't already dead.

Hmmmm.

[Sevn]

Let us all take out a moment to consider how to best 'repay' the spammers who followed for the 100 years of 'joy' they have given us.

I have the kind of love for spammers that makes me want to light them on fire and throw them down a flight of stairs. That's love baby.

Re:Hmmmm.

[Anonymous Coward]

This will be modded up funny, but it really isn't that funny.

how to return the love

[MrLint]

I say we take use of modern technology, get al the spammers onto a luxury cruise ship, and then chuck a meteor at it while sailing it thru a hurricane.

Re:Where there's any universal medium, there's ads

[joeldixon66]

And which one is Slashdot again?

I guess that it's the former - as I'm still able to post here.

My cupboard...

[Suit_N_Tie]

The Spam in my cupboard is only 50 years old, so I guess I am doing well...

First unwanted advertisements

[scoser]

The first unwanted advertisements were probably scrawled on cave walls and advertised "Atok's fine-carved spears, extra cheap! Kill many deer and bison!!!!!" a few hundred-thousand years ago, if we're going to get all technical about it.

Practical uses for spammers

[stox]

1) Ebola research
2) Cost effective replacements for crash test dummies.
3) Cost effective replacements for animals in cosmetic testing.
4) Cost effective replacement for ballistics gel.

Repay? Most definitely!

[Anonymous Coward]

How can I ever repay them for the huge gigantic penis I now have? The girls love it!

Re:First unwanted advertisements

[xxxJonBoyxxx]

What about those pheromones emitted by those pesky primordal amphibians a few hundred thousand years ago? That would seem to qualify as unwanted advertising...

Inflation

[ProfessionalCookie]

Of course dollar for dollar the first spam [google.com] sent was quite a lot cheaper. But when you account for inflation and the reduction in volume per can (from roughly 0.00084 Volkswagens [designtechnica.com] to roughly 2 iPods [apple.com]) the price is actually $0.40USD/Can more expensive

Don't believe me? Check my references.

Yea, sure...

[Anonymous Coward]

In fact, 100 years ago, Cunard sent out telegrams to selected (rich) members of the British social elite, advertising tickets on a new liner, and becoming the first spammer.

For all we know, illicit advertising could have started even back in as far as the caveman days...

There was once a caveman named Ug who would hurl rocks from far away at unsuspecting dwellers. Each rock would have a pictures etched into it depicting a caveman holding a shield to protect himself from flying rocks. One day, Ug threw a rock from far away at another caveman, Og, with the usual picture etched into the rock. Hit and startled by the incomming rock, Og picked it up, gazed at the picture, scratched his head, and looked at Ug. Ug threw another rock, which this time hit Og right on the head. Angry, Og threw the rock back at Ug, only to see Ug hold up a shield and deflect the rock.

Og was very impressed. He and his tribe of other cavemen then walked over to Ug. Ug held up a picture showing himself handing another caveman the shield, and the other caveman handing him lots of furs. Og smiled, took the shield, and hit Ug over the head with his club, killing him. So Og and his tribe feasted on Ug, striking fear into the hearts of marketers who were not strong enough to defend themselves against a bunch of angry cavemen. Such a utopia prospered for generations, until the invention of the telephone.

Re:First unwanted advertisements

[Anonymous Coward]

I think it more likely it was Atok's fine spear enlargers.

I can hear it on the tele

[Anonymous Coward]

o--o o -o oo ooo / o -o o-oo o- o-o --o o -- o -o - / o--o oo o-oo o-oo ooo

Re:Hmmmm.

[Nos.]

Nice idea, but I liked when the name of one spammer and his home address was published here (amongst other places) and he found himself on every snail-mail mailing list in the US. I seem to remember hearing stories of US Postal trucks driving to his place to deliver all the mail.

Re:Time to get tough

[zaxios]

Time to get tough...This is a good start

Yeah, and this [trilobite.org] will finish them off. I mean, we need to get tough, after all.

Redundant flag.....?

[Anonymous Coward]

Out of a post involving cruise ships, meteors, and hurricanes, the ONE flag that would not describe this post is "redundant."

Re:Spam - More than a nuisance

[Anonymous Coward]

Well there you GO! The solution to spaming is for us all to go forth and BE spammers! If we are all spammers then someone will come and arrest us and put a stop to this nonsense. Now this is a plan.

Whose with me?

If only I wasn't vegan...

[aussersterne]

I'd say that we should repay them with SPAM.

That's right... a vigilante "SPAM squad" manning a truck carrying dozens of tons of SPAM, along with a delivery system not unlike a tree chipper that can accept SPAM by the ton and spray greasy SPAM puree hundreds of feet.

The SPAM squad would pull up to the houses of known spammers and douse the house, car, grounds, mailbox, and anything else in sight in 6-12 inches of greasy salted pork goo that would take years to clean up. If the weight of the flying SPAM puree hitting their front windows just "happend" to break them and fill their living room with chunks of SPAM as well, by "accident," that would just be too bad.

Say, 50-60 tons of SPAM per spammer in flash vigilante "actions" out to keep each of them busy for a few weeks (months? years?) at least trying to clean up their persons, personal effects, and lives and drive the smell (and flies) away. Just spray-and-go and let them come stumbling out, slipping and sliding and cursing, realizing that they have finally gotten their comeuppance.

Re:how to REALLY return the love

[aws910]

Nahh... this is better. Make them use the products they sell, one time for each message they send.

In a perfect world...

[dracken]

....Spammers would be caught, jailed and made to share their cell with people who have enlarged their penis, taken viagra and are looking for a new relationship :^).

-Dracken

No, it was not Spam

[rfc1394]

It would have been Spam if the Cunard line had sent the telegrams collect!

actually, it was before that....

[the-build-chicken]

It is hypothesized that certain neanderthal societies used to write inscriptions on large rocks before hurling them ferociously at passers by.

Coincidently enough, this has significant commonalities with one of todays more successful spam counter measures, which involves incribing "stop sending me spam" on similarly large rocks and hurling them ferociously at spammers.

Fuck Spam in the Can!

[Anonymous Coward]

Spam has definitely become the scourge of the internet. It follows you everywhere, and you can't get away from it.

I hate the stuff.

______________
Free IPods [freenewipods.tk]
It actually works! [freeipodguide.com]

The first SPAM.....

[hashish]

"Cunard are able to offer a half price fare for a one leg trip on the maiden voyage of the Titanic. Unfortunately Cunard are unable to offer return trips."

Re:Repay? Most definitely!

[Zardus]

adsf;iladsuh foaip[hdsfpsa dhfpasiduhf apsiduhfapsdiu gfapsdfughas[duoh fapahsdfpasiuhf aspdiufhasdp uihfaspduihfasipfduh aspdufh aspuidhf

Ah, I know your pain, and there are others like you!

Gentlemen, do you want a smaller penis? Is your overlarge member hurting your friends and loved ones? Are you jealous of your neighbor's 2-inch pecker?

Well, we have the solution for you! Our 100% natural pills garauntee to reduce your size by up to 5 inches, in just two weeks! If you click now, we'll send you 8 bottles for just $19.99! That's an 80$ value!

asdfj;a soidfauhwg749p u8ashfas fjsdafjas dhsafdspdfuhasd8[fwa ehf oaisf asdfha sdfpashfd asdufpasdhf adsf9adshf asdfas8hdf sadf89ha sdfp9asd8hf psad9fh aspdfhsadpfh9asdfsa fda9dsp8fh sadf9p8as asdf9h

Re:how to REALLY return the love

[colonslashslash]

Nahh... this is better. Make them use the products they sell, one time for each message they send.

So their punishment would include 42 meters of penis enlargement theropy, several hundered skanky Russian mail order brides and a heavy overdose of viagra and vicadin? Interesting punishment ;)

Re:Hmmmm.

[danielsfca2]

...and throw them down a flight of stairs.

Just one flight of stairs???

That's a little generous, don't you think? I'd throw the bastards down the stairwell all the way down the Sears Tower! Of course, that's after I gouge out their eyes and shove their computers up their asses. Okay, getting a little worked up now, better quit.

Pfft! Fool Evolutionist!

[HarveyBirdman]

Everyone knows the first spam was 6,341 years ago when the serpent offered Eve an herbal remedy to not only give Adam more staying power, but add cubits to his manhood. Turns out it was just an apple, and Adam & Eve got blamed for the whole scam and banned by their ISP.

Re:What a Cunard

[GrahamCox]

In case you haven't heard it, the joke is this:

Woman 1: My husband's a ship's captain, he works for Cunard. Woman 2: Well my husbands a postman, and he works pretty hard too!

Re:I can hear it on the tele

[precize]

I don't know which of the following things is the most sad:

1) The parent was moderated as funny without the moderator knowing what the text said.

2) The moderator knew what the text said.

3) I took the time to decode the text.

Re:Cheap fun

[astrotek]

so lets think of the best way to repay the people that accually bought from the person that sent them a message 100 years ago.

I said 'spam is 100 years old'

[pbjones]

my wife replied, 'it tastes like it too'

Re:Cheap fun

[ZorbaTHut]

Your post advocates a

( ) technical ( ) legislative (X) market-based ( ) vigilante

approach to fighting spam. Your idea will not work. Here is why it won't work. (One or more of the following may apply to your particular idea, and it may have other flaws which used to vary from state to state before a bad federal law was passed.)

( ) Spammers can easily use it to harvest email addresses
(X) Mailing lists and other legitimate email uses would be affected
( ) No one will be able to find the guy or collect the money
( ) It is defenseless against brute force attacks
( ) It will stop spam for two weeks and then we'll be stuck with it
(X) Users of email will not put up with it
( ) Microsoft will not put up with it
( ) The police will not put up with it
( ) Requires too much cooperation from spammers
(X) Requires immediate total cooperation from everybody at once
( ) Many email users cannot afford to lose business or alienate potential employers
( ) Spammers don't care about invalid addresses in their lists
( ) Anyone could anonymously destroy anyone else's career or business

Specifically, your plan fails to account for

( ) Laws expressly prohibiting it
( ) Lack of centrally controlling authority for email
( ) Open relays in foreign countries
( ) Ease of searching tiny alphanumeric address space of all email addresses
( ) Asshats
( ) Jurisdictional problems
(X) Unpopularity of weird new taxes
( ) Public reluctance to accept weird new forms of money
( ) Huge existing software investment in SMTP
( ) Susceptibility of protocols other than SMTP to attack
( ) Willingness of users to install OS patches received by email
(X) Armies of worm riddled broadband-connected Windows boxes
( ) Eternal arms race involved in all filtering approaches
( ) Extreme profitability of spam
(X) Joe jobs and/or identity theft
( ) Technically illiterate politicians
( ) Extreme stupidity on the part of people who do business with spammers
( ) Dishonesty on the part of spammers themselves
( ) Bandwidth costs that are unaffected by client filtering
( ) Outlook

and the following philosophical objections may also apply:

(X) Ideas similar to yours are easy to come up with, yet none have ever been shown practical
( ) Any scheme based on opt-out is unacceptable
( ) SMTP headers should not be the subject of legislation
( ) Blacklists suck
( ) Whitelists suck
( ) We should be able to talk about Viagra without being censored
( ) Countermeasures should not involve wire fraud or credit card fraud
( ) Countermeasures should not involve sabotage of public networks
( ) Countermeasures must work if phased in gradually
(X) Sending email should be free
( ) Why should we have to trust you and your servers?
( ) Incompatiblity with open source or open source licenses
( ) Feel-good measures do nothing to solve the problem
( ) Temporary/one-time email addresses are cumbersome
( ) I don't want the government reading my email
( ) Killing them that way is not slow and painful enough

Furthermore, this is what I think about you:

(X) Sorry dude, but I don't think it would work.
( ) This is a stupid idea, and you're a stupid person for suggesting it.
( ) Nice try, assh0le! I'm going to find out where you live and burn your house down!

Christian spam 50 A.D.

[Anonymous Coward]

Paul and others sent letters (epistles) to people in other cities telling people how to behave. Somne of these are colected in the New Testament of the Bible.

Re:Cheap fun

[Anonymous Coward]

So I say somebody should fund an ad campaign telling people not to buy things from spammers.

Better yet, why doesn't someone just send out a bunch of mass emails? Oh, wait....