Comment Re:I'm just glad (Score 1) 21
Make that the Secretary of Christian War Crimes. Speaking of which, The Testosterone Enabled Military:
Pete Hegseth has decreed that everyone in the military, including females, must get tested for their testosterone level so he can make sure they are male enough for the Wehrmacht. There is much internal pressure to roid-up, as it were. Commander Pete has stood up his own special brigade. They are about to display their new found fighting spirit:
Commander Pee views their training on site: Aide, how come all the soldier dummies have no heads?
Aide: Well Sir Pee, the men are so hopped up on Essence of Masculinity, they not only attack the dummies, they rip their heads off.
Commander Pee: Well, sew some heads back on. I want realistic training.
Aide: That’s not a good idea, Sir Pee. The sight of an enemy dummy head makes them go berserk and they tear them off again.
C. Pee: Sew them on, Aide, I gotta see this.
The heads get sewn back on, the troops are released, the heads get torn off.
C. Pee: Now THAT is training!! Why I remember when I was in the military, we’d march 20 miles singing in our bare feet during a snow storm just to tear the head off one dummy.
Aide: Gee, Sir Pee, I’m. . . .
C. Pee: “Impressed” ?!? Yessir, we were MEN back then, not like the weenies we induct now.
Aide: ?!?
C. Pee: Let’s divide the troops into a Red Team and a Blue Team, let them fight each other. By God, we will get them trained up to be Killers!!! Can you feel it, Aide? Are you getting as hard as I am? Poo-Bah!!!
Aide: Ermmm, that’s Hoo-Hah, Sir Pee, and I gotta go and get the teams set up.
An hour goes by, the Red Team is one side of the battlefield, the Blue Team is on the other.
C. Pee: Aide, how come the Red Team looks like they are wearing pink jerseys?
Aide: That’s all we could find on a short notice. And the Blue Team is wearing powder blue because that’s all we could find for them.
C. Pee: This is going to be great!!
C. Pee blows a mighty blast from a whistle, the teams charge madly at each other with blood curdling screams of pure fury.
C. Pee: Hey wait a minute, how come the Reds and Blues are embracing and kissing each other. What is going on here?
Aide: Weeeellllll, it turns out that if you pump guys up with enough Male Inflate-O-Ego, the crack of dawn is not safe.
C. Pee: What?
Aide: Anything on two legs looks yummy to them.
C. Pee: Arrrggghhhhhhhh!!!
C. Pee runs into the General Staff Tent where the Red and Blue team leaders are meeting. . . . and holding hands. . . . and signing Kum-by-Ya.
C. Pee: What in tarnation is going on here?
Red General: We are having an exchange of feelings, would you like to join? Everybody, group hug!!!
C. Pee runs pell-mell from the tent: Arrrggghhhhhhhh!!! Aide, how did this happen?
Aide: Weeeellllll, it turns out that if you pump guys up with enough Tower-of-Power, they get very introspective and want to explore their inner emotional side.
C. Pee decides to go back the that Five Sided Monument to Inanity and get his hair done again. It seems not only the curl has become limp. He first visits the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Gen. Dan “Raisin” Caine. He walks into Caine’s office and closes the door, and starts to sob.
Gen. Caine: Come, come Sir Pee, sit over here next to me on the couch and tell me all about it.
C. Pee tells Gen. Caine what he just witnessed. The General puts his arm around C. Pee and tenderly consoles him.
A few minutes later, C. Pee charges out of Gen. Caine’s office and runs wildly down the hall.
C. Pee: Arrrggghhhhhhhh!!!
Gen. Caine charges out of the office in nothing but a powder blue bra and tastefully matching panties.
Gen. Caine: Sir Pee please come back. I promise I will still respect you in the morning!!
A NYT reporter happens to witness the scene along with his chaperone.
C. Pee goes home that evening. His wife asks him up to bed in the hopes of making him feel manly again. She sits suggestively on the bed. C. Pee starts undressing.
Wife: Sir Pee . . . . if you are going to wear my things, please choose the black bra and panties next time. I’m rather partial to the pink.
C. Pee: Arrrggghhhhhhhh!!!
The article headline the next day in the NYT:
C. Pee Confronts his Sexual Confusion!!
When asked about the Pentagon “incident” later at a press conference:
la Presidenta: The reporter didn’t see what he saw. It was. . . .
Reporter: Yes Sir, you are certainly something!!