In other news, a burglar the authorities are calling the "Basil Bandit" has made off with dozens -- perhaps hundreds -- of spice containers stolen from the offices of the Recording Industry Association of America. Security footage shows a hooded figure carrying armloads of cumin, paprika, onion powder, and thyme.
A facilities manager was seen staring blankly at a long row of empty cupboards, lamenting, "They... they took it all! Every last spice!"
No word yet on the thief's identity or motive, but a psychological profiler working with law enforcement paints a stark picture. "Adult male, 25-40, anger issues, filled with bitterness and salty rage. Possibly a former employee who left on bad terms. Poorly educated; certainly no sage or scholar. I'd treat this suspect gingerly -- someone who'd attempt this kind of caper likely has a criminal history peppered with major thefts and violent assaults."
The Basil Bandit also left a chilling message that has authorities scrambling to prevent his next heist. That message, written in what appears to be chili powder, reads: "I despice RIAA/Rightscorp etc"
We'll keep you updated as the investigation unfolds.