Comment Re:Kryste! (Score 1) 71
Should we at least monitor abused male children in order to stop them from abusing? Think of it. We can almost eminate child sexual abuse by monitoring everything that these children do after they are abused. If the correlation is strong enough, we'll be stopping a terrible crime. Because if abused male children are that likely to become kiddie diddlers, the damage is done and we should stop it from happening again.
Maybe? It's not that they're *necessarily* likely to do so, so much as that they are probably statistically much more likely to do so. And really, the only thing that can be said definitively from that study is that the ones who are still going to counseling as adults are considerably more likely to do so. It's not an absolute given that the pattern also holds for the ones who didn't feel that they needed counseling, i.e. it could be that the effect is influenced by the extent of the trauma.
The hard problem is that there's really no way to know the odds for child abuse victims who didn't continue to get therapy and whether they are more likely to become abusers, because the health system wouldn't have any data for them. So you could work your way back and show that a large percentage of the abusers were once victims, but that doesn't fully get you the percentage in the other direction.
It is also likely that guys who are abused and who later decide to abuse others are more likely to get counseling than people who only fall into one bucket or the other, which means there's a very slim but probably not nonexistent possibility that the whole correlation might regress to the mean if you could include all of the other abuse victims who aren't still getting counseling. I seriously doubt that this is the case, given the correlation from the opposite side, but it is probably not impossible. Or maybe it is. I'd have to think too hard about the numbers to say for sure, and it's late at night.
And what about boys and girls caught playing "doctor"?
I think the studies were about abuse involving boys who were touched by someone significantly older. I have no idea whether there would be any correlation with sexual activity by kids with kids. I have always kind of wondered if the kids who initiate that sort of sexual play are more likely to have been previously abused by an adult, but I have no data to support or refute that hypothesis.
Or perhaps just not allowing males around females period? No women will ever be abused if males are forbidden and punished for getting near the innocents.
Yeah, this has been done, and what happens is that some of them get to college, and have trouble relating, and end up either traumatized or badly confused by things that wouldn't phase someone who grew up in a normal, mixed-gender school system, and they seem to frequently end up in unhealthy relationships, or are scared to actually get into relationships, or inadvertently send signals indicating an interest in relationships and then get traumatized when someone of the opposite sex responds when they didn't expect that person to respond, or use their sexuality in various ways to "prove" that they are mature, or... Basically, I'm pretty sure I've met the whole spectrum of behaviors from single-gender schools, and the more people I meet who have attended single-gender schools, the more certain I am that they are a mistake almost across the board, and that we're much better off finding a way to keep young people actually interested in learning that doesn't involve destroying their socialization.
Might sound like overkill, but in my city, a boy and girl (5 years old) were caught playing doctor, and the girl's parents insisted the boy be arrested. The local police were kinda pissed, but they had to carry out a criminal investigation. These are just illustrating the different ideas people have on the matter.
Much like kids who attend single-gender schools, I have little doubt that the children of parents who would do something like that are pretty much guaranteed to end up badly scarred for life by the experience, and unable to form any sort of serious relationship because of the lack of trust that comes from that level of paranoia. And a decent number of the children that they play with will likely be similarly scarred for life. That attitude is seriously not healthy, IMO.
We live in a society where parents are terrified that something is going to happen to their kids because of the media amplifying relatively rare situations and making them sound common. The "stranger danger" attitude that results from that is harmful to adults and children alike, because it has resulted in a whole generation of young people who later become traumatized adults that are scared to trust others, and whose natural inclination is to see men as predators, who see strangers as someone to be afraid of instead of someone to meet and get to know, and who assume the worst in others instead of the best. And that, in turn, results in society falling apart at the seams.
If there's only one thing that I could impress upon others, it would be this: Teach your kids to assume good intentions until proven otherwise. This is not to say that they shouldn't learn to protect themselves, or that they should immediately fully trust everyone, just that they should not immediately distrust everyone, and that they should not assume bad intent every time someone does something that they don't understand, don't agree with, etc. This would make politics a whole lot less distasteful, would pretty much put an end to cancel culture, and would result in a generally better world for everyone if people would do that consistently. Just saying.
What makes it problematic is acting on those feelings. And I guess that last part is at least arguably true for attraction to kids as well, though with a much bigger ick factor, and without the "considered psychologically normal" part.
True, and that is my big question. There are plenty of adult women out there, and in this day and age many are rather lonely, what with men stepping back from relationships - a different issue - and the most delicate way to say this is that the older women tend to better at such things, if I recall my teenage years.
The thing is, men are stepping back from relationships in many cases precisely because they feel like women automatically assume that they are predators. That's hard to fix. And there may actually be a psychological safety element, where nicer men feel safer around younger women who haven't become quite as jaded and don't automatically assume that they are predators, though that's mostly speculation, and presumably it wouldn't apply to taking an interest in kids. (Or would it? I mean, I would assume that more often than not, the ones who prey on kids are interested in the power dynamic of being in control, but what if that desire for control is not because they crave power, but because they are still scared because of that childhood trauma? Thinking out loud here.)
Making that situation doubly problematic is the seemingly automatic assumption that after a guy gets beyond a certain age, if he isn't married, it is because there's something wrong with him. So the ones who do step back from relationships because of trauma often find themselves unable to realistically try again. I'm really not sure how to fix that, or any of it, really.
A friend of mine and his wife help raise at risk children. So he's had a lot of background checks, and interviews with Psychologists. So he's very knowledgeable.He's told them, and I agree, that they are working this wrong. If a person is speaking to the psychologist, and they say that they are concerned about thoughts they have about sexual interactions with children, the shrink is required by law to report the person to law enforcement.
Would it not be better to treat the person? So as he told the shrink, anyone with such thoughts who might want to get treatment will simply not share them, and not get treatment. Which of course, leads them to be more likely to act on those thoughts. Which is the complete opposite from the idea of preventing child sexual abuse.
Yeah, laws stopped being about protecting children a long time ago, and became about a combination of punishing people who other people think are icky and protecting companies, schools, and churches against lawsuits. Basically, when it comes to this subject, society needs to be rolled back to probably about 1980, and we need to start over, thinking about solutions to the problems while keeping in mind the lessons learned from all the things that we collectively did wrong the first time. But that's hard to do, because everybody automatically assumes that the laws and rules wouldn't have been created if they didn't work, and therefore assumes that removing them would be a net harm to society. There's always a strong tendency towards passing more laws, and rarely do any bad laws get rolled back. (This isn't specific to laws protecting children, to be clear; it's a general defect in the human way of perceiving the world.)