Pissed on.....Not so much.
I'm glad you are deploying ordinance here on the shelling range before launching an offensive on Dr. Strangelove.
Doctor / patient relationships, after all, are exactly that, and its hard to always stand in both sets of shoes, unless you are a four legged cross dresser, and we know your feelings on skin deep transparency.
Here's the thing, everything you say is correct:
Growing old's a bitch. Estrogen pairs nicely, with a Pinot Noir.
Ethicists need doctors, penal codes discourage their strangulation.
Current medical standards are currently in a back alley self medicating on prescription pharmaceuticals. They just act like pimps, ODs, and crack whores.
Any hack can dispense pills according to current best medical standards: but they still require leaches and blood letting to remove the small angry dwarf from your abdomen.
Dr House ignored the conventional wisdom, the patient, and standard medical practices, established procedures designed by medical insurance adjusters who manage health care profit and loss: good health is bad for business. But so is a dead patient. A great doctor is after the truth, not being right. That's the cure: Its better to be wrong and alive. Pain and discomfort are normal and it sucks. Legal compliance and courtroom victory are only a consolation prize for lawyers and the survivors.
Your doctor is likely as brilliant, unconventional, and misunderstood by his peers as you - else you never would have entrusted her/him in your care. Practice makes perfect, we're all human, and you are his practice. Communicate your concerns, but let him focus on the medical issues only. He is absolutely no match for the legal or ethical dynamics that could extrapolate to malpractice. A little faith in your judgement of character would be helpful now. You'll never have time to bone up on the medical qualification. If you can't trust him then give him the boot, but don't you dare attempt to second guess his medical training and strategies. You have no idea what he is really thinking and what he is looking at - this is a medical process with very little track record and investigation, awareness, and the scientific process must proceed without any interference in the form of fears that medical records can become legal weapons. He needs to get to the truth which is complex, elusive, and transitory until death. As long as he is writing the numbers down, they are not wrong. You can discuss the merits of a low estrogen level as it pertains to depression but you are not a vacuum or la tabula rasa. The laws of chemical interactions, biological complexities, idiosyncrasy, perception, intellectual, spiritual, psychological factors make this medical process far too complicated for Monday morning quarterbacks.
I am not suggesting that you are incorrect. But it is possible that you do not fully understand the bigger picture here by micromanaging your physician or second guessing the benefits of self medicating rather than social and spiritual communion on slashdot or AA. Either avenue of relief from this discomfort is optional, but I urge you to keep your physician absolutely informed of all details pertaining to medication, diet and other pertinent data. It would be a waste if your cure was misunderstood by incorrect medical data. Don't outsmart yourself.
There may not be a way for you to understand or fully appreciate the physician's medical strategy. If you cannot intellectually appreciate his approach then he may be intuitive. If you trust his intentions, and his track record, and if the numbers and results are properly recorded then TRUST in this process. There are no cures in life. But there is living and healing as best as we can for as long as we survive.
We all would benefit from being 20 again. And we understandably can desire that our physical well being be held to that standard, but estrogen levels in a 60 year old human being with your particular, individual, complexities is not a process of getting conventional numbers in blood work. Its a balance of your mind, body, and spirit. He may already know what you just figured out and he's turning your knobs for a reason: he is objective and he expects these results for a very specific reason that you do not yet appreciate, subjectively speaking.
You cannot be objective, patient guinea pig.
But you are perhaps the most articulate and intelligent subjective participant in the scientific medical process that this zoo has ever seen.
Do your best to get all of this documented and communicated for the record. You are a partner in uncharted territory that will bring medicine and science closer to learning effective cures to our ills and physical well being. It could be that medicine are just ignoring the angry abdominal dwarves, or feeding them, but at least we are pursuing improvements to understanding.
You are under no obligation to participate in these scientific objectives that demand more data than your short lifetime can provide. Get off that Ferris Wheel any time. Just be certain that you communicate your objectives, and pursue doctor feelgood if you are tired of feeling like shit. There is no point in suffering like a martyr for the greater good. You deserve to get old and fuzzy headed and less productive without feeling deeply unhappy or alone. Even though, that's how we all feel from time to time and often increasingly as we grow older. I'm not suggesting Hospice, I am just saying we are no spring chickens, and that's a reality we don't need to fix to feel right with the world.
I'm heartened to see you pissed off and dressed like a ninja. Your mind and spirit could outperform the highest standards, any day of the week. But give yourself a break, and let yourself focus on some fun with people who don't hold you to such high standards. I like 12 step meetings or community gatherings with a high probability of positive vibe. The days are getting longer, and old friends and new could reemerge from the woodwork.
And for God sake don't evaporate a perfectly good doctor with your death ray - it takes 20 years to train them how to handle patients as smart as you. Don't foreclose on Dr House before a reappraisal of current market comps and input of a qualified Realtor.
Get well, and may the farce be with ye.
And Happy New Year, you Rolling Stone.