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The Tale of Seanbaby and Uwe Boll 79

1up is hosting a piece by EGM funnyman Seanbaby about his sordid altercation with Uwe Boll. "Uwe was going to promote his publicity stunt on G4's Attack of the Show by boxing one of the hosts. Again, he's a matchmaking genius, because everyone on TV is 3 feet tall. If you were watching Attack of the Show during the time I cohosted, you might have noticed that I could have leaned over and eaten host Kevin Pereira. A producer from the show remembered this and called me asking if I'd come on and fight Uwe. I train in Muay Thai and jujitsu, so I think boxing is to fighting what Hungry Hungry Hippos is to fighting, but--holy crap!--I couldn't pass up getting my fist near the mouth that shouted 'action' on the set of House of the Dead."
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The Tale of Seanbaby and Uwe Boll

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  • Slightly old (Score:3, Informative)

    by Rob T Firefly ( 844560 ) on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:03PM (#16550020) Homepage Journal
    This article was in (I think) last month's issue of the EGM print mag.
    • by ameoba ( 173803 ) on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:42PM (#16550606)
      Perhaps it is old but with lines like "I'm going to try to keep this analogy simple because I think it's important everyone understands: After you've seen two Uwe Boll movies, watching a third is like jamming a third coat hanger into your urethra. It's certainly possible, but every instinct in your body will keep you from doing it." it definately deserves to be linked.
    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      by ClamIAm ( 926466 )
      Well, yesterday we got a Seanbaby article that was, like, 3 years old, so this is pretty big improvement!
  • advantage (Score:5, Informative)

    by bladesjester ( 774793 ) <slashdot.jameshollingshead@com> on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:03PM (#16550026) Homepage Journal
    Unfortunately for our muay thai trained figther, in an actual boxing match, the advantage would lie with the boxer because of the rules involved.

    I grew up training in kung fu with cross training in Japanese and European sword arts as well as some training in muay thai, and in a match with rules, I am at a disadvantage because I have to stop my body from doing things that it's not allowed to do because of the rules. In a real life situation, however, the advantage tends to rest with me.

    It's the reason I never wanted to do tournament fighting. Instead, I got wrangled into helping train a few people who did because of my background and ability to pick apart weaknesses while turning them into advantages.
    • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:10PM (#16550102)
      in this case- who cares?

      "oops! you mean i get disqualified for the 1-inch nut punch? jeez i guess i missed that rule. darnit i lost!"
    • by Richard Frost ( 18848 ) on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:22PM (#16550306)
      Your post makes your quote all the more disturbing.
      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        heh. I'm not much on organ meat, personally, so I think the world is safe in that regard at least.

        It's often been joked by friends that if they were to be stuck in a zombie flick that they'd want me there because with my background (and the fact that I have more than enough gear in my armory for the group of them. After close to 20 years, you accumulate a few pieces.) I'd probably be able to get us out all in one piece.

        Knowing me, however, if I got stuck in a zombie movie with a bunch of random people, I'
    • by ClamIAm ( 926466 )
      Did you read the article? I'm not claiming to be an expert on fighting and stuff, but apparently this guy is "several weight classes" above Boll. Also, you have to take into account that Boll "supposedly" was a boxer or something, so it's pretty hard to pin down his actual level of skill (possibly negating any advantage).
      • Re:advantage (Score:4, Interesting)

        by bladesjester ( 774793 ) <slashdot.jameshollingshead@com> on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:57PM (#16550842) Homepage Journal
        Yes, I've read the article, and quite frankly, being "several weight classes" above someone doesn't always mean a whole heck of a lot.

        I've taken down other people that were significantly larger than I was. Conversely, I've also had my head handed to me by a little old chinese guy (I really miss him, he was a good teacher).

        But if you want to learn a real lesson in frightening little men, you should meet the one master blacksmith that I got to know while I was working at the forge. He was about 5'3" and looked like a good breeze would blow him away, but he could do things physically that I couldn't do at 6' tall and built like a wall.
        • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

          by fuzz6y ( 240555 )
          being "several weight classes" above someone doesn't always mean a whole heck of a lot.
          The hell it doesn't. Sometimes some less easily visible or quantifiable thing means more. If it didn't matter, no one would ever have endless drunken discussions over who the "best pound for pound fighter" is.
          • by Jon47 ( 979674 )
            bladesjester, I think you are still talking about your martial arts training. I am sure you are very tough but we are discussing Seanbaby vs. Uwe Boll in a boxing match.
        • This post spurs on the age old debate of the ultimate fight ever.
          Mike Tyson vs Bruce Lee - if only we could see it - to the death, now that's something I'd snap up on PPV.
          • This post spurs on the age old debate of the ultimate fight ever.
            Mike Tyson vs Bruce Lee - if only we could see it - to the death, now that's something I'd snap up on PPV.


            You fool, how is Mike Tyson more ultimate than Muhammed Ali ?!? Floats like a butterfly, etc.
            And the debate rages on...
          • Mike Tyson vs. Bruce Lee is hardly the ultimate fight ever. Everyone knows that that honour can only go to Adam West Batman vs. James T. Kirk.
        • It was this guy wasn't it? http://www.thottbot.com/?n=272 [thottbot.com]

          Yeah, he can be a real little bastard when he wants to be. Always asking for more weapons.
        • by pnuema ( 523776 )
          Everybody say it with me: What is rule one?

          Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men.

          • My sifu wasn't bald, and wasn't all that wrinkly. I'd say that, at the time, he was probably in his early to mid 50's.

            He did, however, have the perpetual cheshire cat-like grin.

            He was a tough, sadistic little man when it came to training. I miss him a lot. Some of the people I've trained thought I was tough. I went easy on them by comparison, not that they'd ever believe it.
    • "I don't even have any good skills."

      "What do you mean?"

      "You know, like...

      nunchaku skills,
      bow hunting skills...
      computer hacking skills.

      Girls only want boyfriends
      who have great skills."
    • TFA:
      I think boxing is to fighting what Hungry Hungry Hippos is to fighting


      Clearly he has never fought a boxer. I'm suprised that someone with a background in Muay Thai can be so ignorant.
      • Boxers are as hard as nails. Boxers train to take damage, and only incidentally to deal it. If life was an MMORPG they'd be the tanks.

        Boxing is a poncy silly dance with all sorts of prissy rules and pointless jumping through hoops, certainly compared to Muay Thai (where the basic rule is "stop when you've torn their head off...").
        • Clearly you aren't very familiar with boxing. MT fighters have their legs, knees and elbows, but boxers are far superior at punching, and they punch hard and fast. Boxers can take damage, but their strategy is not to stand there and take punches, any more than a BJJ fighter lays down and allows himself to get armlocked.

          The MT rules you're referring to sound like the kind of stuff you'd see in Thailand, but amateur Thai boxing is not like that, as far as I know.
          • Fair point - I did underplay the role of damage-dealing in boxing somewhat. Nevertheless, boxers unarguably spend much more time learning how (and conditioning themselves) to take damage than most (other?) martial artists.

            "Kickboxing" (as the word is normally used) is a "softer" alternative to Muay Thai. Proper Muay Thai allows strikes with the hands, feet, shins, knees and elbows, whereas most kickboxing clubs/styles ban elbows, knee-strikes and kicks below the waist.

            And you do get Muay Thai clubs in the
            • Frankly, I've never heard of boxers (as a general rule) specifically training how to get hit by getting repeatedly punched in the face. Some professional boxers might do something like that.

              Boxing is limited but extremely effective, and from a self-defence point of view it's a good system because most people will try to punch you.
              • Really? All the boxing styles I've been exposed to emphasise frequent, full-contact sparring as a vital part of the development process.

                In contrast, not many martial arts styles do this - there are some (Muay Thai, Full-Contact Karate, etc), but they're massively outweighed by the majority that either don't spar or practice non- or semi-contact sparring. Good styles will try to edge people into this (eg, by always holding contact pads against your body, to condition you to taking blows), but many don't.

                Bo
                • Really? All the boxing styles I've been exposed to emphasise frequent, full-contact sparring as a vital part of the development process.

                  Well obviously, but I was referring to a form of training where you simply get punched repeatedly (because I assumed that this is what you were referring to).

                  Practice boxing to build up your stamina and resistance to impact, then learn something quick and brutal like Ju-Jitsu, Wing Chun or Krav Maga for actual fighting.

                  Ugh. You really don't know much about the subject. Boxi

                  • Whoooo, man, Someone got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.

                    What's so hard to understand? Boxers are hard as nails. Boxing is a poor style to fight with.

                    Yes, boxers can kick and wrestle in a street fight, but that's not boxing .

                    Boxing has made them very, very tough, but if they went into a fight and used boxing they'd get their arses kicked. What aren't you understanding about this?

                    True, Wing Chun was possibly a poor choice to go with, but I only mention it because I know someone who trains at it
                    • Whoooo, man, Someone got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.

                      I'm annoyed because I wish these retarded myths and misconceptions would just go away, instead of repeating themselves everywhere.

                      What's so hard to understand? Boxers are hard as nails. Boxing is a poor style to fight with.

                      It's hard to understand because it isn't true.

                      Yes, boxers can kick and wrestle in a street fight, but that's not boxing.

                      Duh. Like I said, there's no mysterious force that prevents boxers from using other techniques in a re

  • by Generic Player ( 1014797 ) on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:11PM (#16550112)
    Uwe lied to get his "internet critics" into the ring with him, pretending it was "just for fun" and that they would get a little boxing training first. Too bad Seanbaby didn't lie and pretend he has never fought before and weighs less than he does. I'd pay good money to see Uwe Boll get his face smashed in by anyone, but Seanbaby would probably try to pull some sweet River City Ransom moves, making it even better.
  • Oh dear (Score:5, Funny)

    by Attaturk ( 695988 ) on Monday October 23, 2006 @02:12PM (#16550136) Homepage
    Geeks + Testosterone = Tearful Ending
  • 7"3 and knows muyay thai and kung fu and is a seventh level dan of balh blah.

    Seanbaby is every bit as talented as Uwe Boll is. He's the Uwe Boll of internet comedy.

    Haha fart jokes haha
    • I actually think Uwe Boll is the more talented one here.
    • You missed the Holocaust joke in there. That one had me laughing my brains out.
    • by Jon47 ( 979674 )
      Probably no one reading this anymore but for anyone who honestly doesn't think Seanbaby is funny, you should try reading his unedited articles on his own website, www.seanbaby.com or some of his work for www.oldmanmurray.com. I think it takes a lot more intelligence to appreciate than a fart joke but if you are seriously above the occasional fart joke then you might want to just forget about comedy altogether.
  • A quick glance at Wikipedia yielded some interesting figures about Boll's films:

    The House of the Dead (budget: $12 million) broke $5.73 million on opening weekend, Alone in the Dark made over $5.1 million (budget: $20 million), and BloodRayne (budget: $25 million) topped $2.42 million.

    There is also an answer to the question of how he continues to raise funding:

    'Boll is able to acquire funding thanks to German tax laws that reward investments in film. The law allows investors in German-owned films to

    • I chalk it up to a sort of real-life The Producers. Maybe Springtime for Hitler struck a nerve somewhere in das Vaterland, so this is retribution on the American public.

Egotist: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. -- Ambrose Bierce

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