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A Valentine for your Box 91

Posted by michael from the how-sweet dept.
j1mmy writes "The people at totl.net have put together a Computer Dating Service. You enter some vitals about your box and can match it up with other people's boxen. Even machines should find true love." And for those of you who've forgotten your flesh and blood valentines, you just have time to pick up some chocolate and flowers on the way home.
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A Valentine for your Box More

A Valentine for your Box

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  • me! I hug my slackware box every day! The other things that we do in private are our own private bussiness. The ever versatile floppy drive.
  • You should be proud. Mine's only got a 3 1/2" floppy!

  • George! My man! (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Welcome back! I missed you. :)
  • All of my computers use the naming scheme of fish. I have mr-fish, another mr-fish for my parents MASQ box, little-fish, mrs-fish, fishstick, and bait. I submitted bait and mr-fish. What if they get paired together?? mrs-fish would be upset, and little-fish could have a bastard brother!
  • You guys must be completely crazy to set something like this up for our *nix boxes. I can promise you right now that this will eventually lead to a major disaster which offcourse will work very well for our friends in Redmond. C'mon, it can't be that hard...

    My Linux box (2.4.1) is compiled with many cool features (gotta love usb) and iptables is right among them. Thats right; my packeting firewall is handled by my system itself. I can hear many of you think 'yeah, what else is new'. Well; think about it... I've set it up manually and its pretty 'paranoially' setup.

    Now, I'm going to use this service and my box will find another box and gets totally crazed about it. What would be the number one thing to do in order to get contact through the box?

    Think about it... I *knew* it would be a bad idea getting packeting firewall support into the kernel :)

    Ok, thats enough nonsense for me today :)))

  • I was just looking at one... Then they started dropping connections. Maybe it's just my computer. (It's keeping me from seeing it? Worried I'll betray it?)
    _________________________________________________
  • In reply to the poster who said boxes can get laid and we can't, They need us to get hooked up! We're a bunch of computer pimps that are getting are boxes hoooked up with other ones :)
    -
  • have been gettin' cyber sex0r, but now will be requried to self cyber sex0r due to mr /.
  • Well, from my point of view, it happened today and that's what really matters, you know. ;-)

    --

  • my apologies..(and condolences)

    God bless having a live-in maid though...

    Keep the faith dude...

    --Chris

  • Shouldn't that read "all google-eyed"

  • .. when they could be dating sexy Google executives [women.com]...

  • Please desist from using the word "handicap" except in relation to golf or horse racing. Some of us find it offensive.

    If you have a desperate need to know why then read the bio

    Ian

  • what if your computer is gay?
  • My Adam needs an Amiga.
    --
  • ...and 'man sex' on some machines.

    [soruk@Skywise mike]$ man sex
    No manual entry for sex
    [soruk@Skywise mike]$

    Great....

  • That is the saddest thing I ever heard...if your box can geta box and you can't...you need to get out from behind your box...I could go on....
  • This reminds me of an idea a friend is working on. Here's the domain whois: IRCGirlStabilityReports.com [tiernetworking.com]
  • Sigmund Freud wrote a book on interpretations of dreams, I think a box in that book means a vagina.
    Try this:
    http://www.psychwww.com/books/interp/toc.htm [psychwww.com]

  • click here for hot cluster love (Score:5)

    by deft ( 253558 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:25PM (#431891) Homepage
    box on box action, 2, 3, 4 boxes at a time. you've never seen cluster action like this before.

  • Old lady missing some keys seeks younger processor (Score:4)

    by DigitalDreg ( 206095 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:29PM (#431892)
    Hi, I'm an older but energetic lady looking for a young stud. I'm a 486-66 DX/2 with 20MB of RAM (in 30 pin SIMMs), 256kb cache, VESA local bus SCSI and VESA local bus video! I live in an original IBM AT desktop case (a fixer-up), and I direct traffic for a cable modem and two pentium boxes in a residential neighborhood.

    I've got 4GB of storage, but I only have 84 keys on my keyboard - no jokes about hitting F11 or F12 keys, ok? I don't have a monitor either ... I channel through other computers on occasion.

    Interested? Just finger me! Today I can be found at 204.73.163.16.

  • To "Dual Booting". Hey baby I can be whatever you want - sweet little linux box, naughty Win2K machine, what do you like?

  • Deep beneath the trolling waves this guy's got a point. Does reproduction still have the highest priority, like it was three billion years ago when we were floating in primordial ooze, or have we undergone any spiritual development?

    On the other hand, as our friend Dustpuppy put it (on Xmas, but applies equally well now):

    I guess I still don't quite get it. If you're nice to people and show your family you love them all of the time, this day wouldn't have to stick out like a sore thumb, right?

    --

  • Re:I was going to submit my computer.... (Score:3)

    by atrowe ( 209484 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:34PM (#431896)
    It's got remarkable "uptime" though. ;)
  • Oh sure, it sounds nice and funny to think of computers dating. But have you considered the other side of that? Computer breakup? Do you really want to console your machine for months on end as it does nothing but sob about its hurt feelings and download romantic movies just because it was left for some slut with a bigger hard drive? As if they're not needy enough as it is....sheesh.

  • just be single.

    Look at me, i sit all day lonely in front of my screen and dont have to care about anything. That sure doesnt make me happy person, but i have my FREEDOM. Well, beeing related with other people always means to compromise. God knows, id love to compromise a bit...

    PS: Its not all true, i have a virtual girlfriend in DarkAges [darkages.com] and i was running around all day to get some flowers for her...argh, thats poor i know.. Seeyas, Lispy
  • Now wouldn't it be nice if my machine hooked up with a nice big application server and had myrids of children dual-booting BSDi & Slackware. Server breeding farm, we all can dream..

  • Time Flies (Score:4)

    by sonofepson ( 239138 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:59PM (#431900)
    Ahh, my little linux box. It seems like I built you only yesterday, and now here you are dating (dataing?)
    Hey wait, I did build you yesterday, switch to runlevel 1 now missy your not ready for this yet.

  • Personally, I have to turn on other fans or open the case when I use mine to view upgrade shops online. It gets really hot and bothered looking at all the RAM, hard drives, and new CPU's out there.

    Steven
  • ping,port-scan,tcp/ip connection, mount
  • How do we teach our computers ways to handle SEX (check the jargon file, sillies) by themselves? Back in the days of floppies, we had condoms, but with everyone connnected to the internet, it like a freaking orgy! Napster and Gnutella are like brothels full of whores ready to share all their software. And what's with all this ftp, nfs, and remote administration stuff? I need to keep all those nasty viruses away from my horny computer, and now I have to worry about my innocent little box running around trying to get dates and have SEX with other boxes it has never met before!

    SEX, SEX, SEX, that's all they ever think about.
  • In the options for 'religion', it includes GNU/Linux. What do I put if I am only one of these (GNU not Linux, or Linux not GNU)?
  • Sorry, Conspiracy Man. Valentine's Day has been heartlessly (GET IT?) commercialized, but it wasn't invented by the bourgeoisie. The day was chosen to replace an ancient mating ritual I don't recall the details of, and it's in commemoration of St. Valentine, a bishop who was martyred by them mean old ancient Romans. The first Valentine's Day card, as we think of them, dates back to 1870 or thereabouts. You can still rail against The Man for ruining it though...

  • Thank you slashdot! (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    This is good. Thank you slashdot!! This earlier story [slashdot.org] set me straight I decided not to let another lonely valentines day pass when I read it. So I spent all my money on other things [educatedescort.com] for this valentines day. Then the "Anne Marie" decides that she has had enough and retires with my money! Now I don't have the cash to buy my computer the valentine she should really have.. This service is perfect, you guys are a life saver. Thanks again.

    Another satisfied slashdot customer.

  • exactly what everyone was doing with their beowulf clusters....


    *groan* yeah i know

    --Ryan
  • SEE ALSO:
    baby(1) [nmt.edu], celibacy(1) [nmt.edu], choad(1) [nmt.edu], condom(1) [nmt.edu], dream(1) [nmt.edu], echo(1) [nmt.edu], lsd(1) [nmt.edu], sex(6) [nmt.edu].

  • Even your box can get laid (Score:5)

    by SpanishInquisition ( 127269 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:05PM (#431909) Homepage Journal
    but not you
  • I hate valentine's day
  • I like the idea, my box needs a soulmate

  • hmm.. (Score:5)

    by Niac ( 2101 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:12PM (#431913) Homepage
    root@localhost# finger @mylove.net
    [connection refused]

    Poot.
    root@localhost# logout

    Maybe next year...
    "We have the right to believe at our own risk any hypothesis that is live enough to tempt our will."

  • getting ready for the date... (Score:3)

    by azephrahel ( 193559 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:13PM (#431914)
    Yea but finding a match is only the start...what will your computer do to dress up for its date?
    Clean out all the dust, wrap the cables... tie things down, a few new stickers and put the case back on? What if its cords are a mess? Humm. My computer was never a pretty computer like a Mac is...its kindof plain...grey box, purple buttons. It will have to find an understanding box, or one without a cam to see it with....

  • Social Problems. (Score:5)

    by griffjon ( 14945 ) <GriffJon&gmail,com> on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:09PM (#431915) Homepage Journal
    Aren't people worried about their computer getting an STD (SMTP-transmitted Disease)??

    Can Linux Boxen ever get along with Windows, or is the book, _Linux is from Finland, Microsoft is from Seattle_ the end?

    And, seriously, what about problematic relationships and their ends? Core dumps can be nasty.

  • Interests... (Score:4)

    by selectspec ( 74651 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:14PM (#431916)
    Looking for alternative net appliance or loadbalancer willing to play masquerade and be submissive to an app server.
  • not only do I have to worry about my son dating (ok, so he's only 6 months old... but I swear he has a girlfriend at daycare...), but now I have to worry about my computer running off to Vegas to get hitched... yeesh.

  • You! with the Spock ears! Have you ever kissed a girl???

  • Psychological profiles (Score:3)

    by Alien54 ( 180860 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:17PM (#431919) Journal
    Do they screen these machines for Stability, and the like? the last thing we need is a bunch of Stalker boxen in the pool.

    And what can we say about the temperment of something prone to BSOD? or can they even legally mention handicaps and diseases like that? (Or would It be Prejudice?)

    even though there is not too much danger of transmitting a virus or something like that between species (Mac to Wintel, for example) do we have a morality police who will make it its'job to to maintain an appropriate level of purity?

    For that matter, when was the last time YOU took a purity test?


  • ...those 1Ghz beasts are just way too fast! My 200Mhz machine can take all night!

  • Network Blues (Score:5)

    by Erasmus Darwin ( 183180 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:37PM (#431921)
    My girl ignores my pleading call
    dropping my queries at her firewall.
    She said I'm just a horny toad
    'cause I left eth0 in promiscuous mode.
  • made perfect sense to me..its only just past 3pm
  • hi tekno hog (goerge here)

    yes!! YES somebody gets it!! THANK you!! i will not use me as an example but say that there is somebody who loves his wife WHY does he get her a box of flowers on valentine day, to show her that he LOVES HER!! well what does that mean!! that he HATES her the other 364 days of the year!! jiminy christmas the whole PREMISE is stupid!!

    the PROBLEM here is that you have these hippy tree-hugging starbucks-drinking crystal-worshipping new-age long hair GREETING CARD ceos who have FORCED everybody into obeying their stupid little oppressive rituals!! buy a flower!! buy some candy!! buy a god damn CARD!! if you don't you are EVIL and DIFFERENT!! and there is something WRONG with you!! well i am standing up RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW and saying to HELL with that!! you and me and other right-minded slashdot readers can singlehandedly BRING DOWN valentine day and SHATTER it into a jillion pieces and scatter it to the winds

    your bud
  • You can specify rules for who matches your computer based on everything from age to storage(permanent and RAM) and even assign _importance_ to these factors. Then the results come back with scores. I met my match in "geek" What a suprise.

    But I really love these options.
    (select your interests)
    HTTP
    FTP
    Telnet
    SSH
    DNS
    CVS
    Networking
    File Serving
    Databases
    Word Processing
    Music Making
    MP3s
    Graphics
    Desktop Publishing
    Games (3D)
    Games (2D)
    Games (Text)
    Games (Online)
    Games (MMORPG)
    Code Hacking
    Naughty Hacking
    Warez
    Pr0n
    Web Surfing

    I'm going to put in one of the servers at work and show it's only interest as Pr0n and see how many matches I get.

    Steven

  • Re:Social Problems. (Score:3)

    by dattaway ( 3088 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @02:24PM (#431925) Homepage Journal
    Can Linux Boxen ever get along with Windows,

    No, windows boxen are the inbreds from the Redmond campus and their code doesn't fork.
  • First base: SYN

    Second base: ACK

    Third base: SYN/ACK

    Homerun: fsck

  • Human Dating (Score:3)

    by G. Waters ( 172392 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @02:26PM (#431927)
    There is a free site for _human_ dating at http://www.othersingles.com/ for any of you social hermits who happen to be feeling lonely at the moment. There are a few other sites like friendfinder and a MS affiliated one (who's name slips my mind currently) that have quite a few people on-board, but I believe they are charging.

    Anyone know when a GNU Open-Dating project is going to be started. It seems like they have their hands in everything else (pun intended).

    G. Waters
    ~sigs cause cancer~
  • Yep, the mofo's down.
    -
  • does that mean a picture of an ethernet network counts as orgy pr0n?

    "If ignorance is bliss, may I never be happy.
  • I wore black today. Was tempted to find some place to hock loogies on lovers in the park...
  • [/home/fvw] finger @204.73.163.16
    [204.73.163.16]
    finger: connect: Connection refused
    That's just plain rude, you could at least have let me down nicely...
  • No, i dont think you understand what communism is. Valentine's day is a creation of pure Capitalism -> it was devised (true story) in the early 20 th century to sell greeting cards, chocolate, and roses.

    You rant about hippies and liberals as if they were the ones behind this monstrous marketing ploy, when in fact it is the right wing corporate types who devise these schemes. In fact, liberals are staunchly opposed to pathetic brainwashing of the masses, such as Valentine's day, where people FORGET the fact that they should show there loved ones love all year round, and do not need a pathetic pink card tattooed with corporate logos (Hallmark), and a box of third rate chocolates sold for a ridiculous amount of money, which ultimately make your loved one fatter anyway!

    Do not toss around words you do not understand, it is a sign of no education && no intelligence.
  • I'm sorry ... sometimes she's a little insecure.
    I checked my logs and 3 different dolts tried to telnet in! Like a firewall is going to have an anonymous account ....

  • All those young .edu's want is a quick data transfer and then they are onto another site. Oh sure they will sit there and say how they will trade with you forever, but as soon as you open up your server, they are off to another just as quick. I remember in my day when we connected over 14.4 modems that these encounters could last for days on end. Now it seems like they deposited their packets before you even know they were connected.
    Oh well, maybe I will find that one connection out there that never times out some day.

    SrlKlr
  • Despite the fact that port 23 and 110 are open, it appears they are explicitly refusing connections on 80

    So they probably saw the hits going off the scale and took the webpage offline (or firewalled it off to outside connections), I bet the box handles things other than web (which makes it a Bad Thing if the entire load is being used by Apache)

  • You unenlightened pig! I thought that we had gotten past the day when small minded bigots discriminated against couples just because they're the same bytesex. There's nothing that to prevent homobytesexual couples from raising child processes just as well as traditional couples. You're probably one of those religious bigots who are always promoting vi over emacs, KDE over GNOME, BSD over Linux, or vice versa. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  • What about all those people out there with multiple processors? Sure most of them only come out for the shows (they are kinda freaky), but big (number of processors) boxes need lovin' too.

    Remember, it's not how much Mhz you have, it's what you do with it.

    Kurdt
  • I've got a problem, what if your box is anit-social, sadistic, and kinda ugly? C:\ C:\Dos C:\dos\run C:\dos\get\shot\with\a\shotgun

    C:\
    C:\Dos
    C:\dos\run

  • They left out a very important statistic (Score:5)

    by jandrese ( 485 ) <kensama@vt.edu> on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:19PM (#431939) Homepage Journal
    They forgot to ask what sex the boxes are. I don't want my box to get get hooked up with another little-endian box, I don't think it could take the embarassment. And just think of the horror of taking out a nice big-endian PPC box only to have it switch on you unexpectedly when you get home! Darn transbytesexual processors...

    Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with melting snowballs.
  • George,

    Just going out on a limb here, I'm guessing no-one wanted to be your valentine?

  • you just don't have a girl.
  • (Debian/Windows Single Processor seeks AIX / IRIX Multi Processor)

    ...for discrete relationship.


  • ...but with a measly 4GB hardrive, I'm feeling woefully *Inadequate*

  • Maybe you've had enough chocolate for one day George. I think it is time you called a taxi and went home.

  • I don't know why, but... (Score:5)

    by po_boy ( 69692 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:21PM (#431945)
    I told my girlfriend that I had a valentine for her box and she got mad at me.

    All your events [openschedule.org] are belong to us.
  • A Sun Enterprise 4000 who got connected with a SGI Orgin 200. Al was quite well even though they were on diffrent OS's Sun on Solaris and the SGI on IRIX. Then one day a Generic Windows 2000 Advanced server showed up and tried to steal the Sun box away from the SGI. Well this didn't sound good to the SGI so it took it upon itself to packet flood the Win2K box off the network. Even the eneric servers Active Directory couldnt have helped it. The moral of the story is..... I like writing long paragraphs.


    --DrMyke
  • I just have to say that my cobalt box is very upset with the 'picture' section. Her picture [granzeau.com] is very complementory as is, but at 200x200, it looks like she's fat! [totl.net]

    The picture ruins her true description. `8r(

    I'm very blue, i'm very thin, i'm very cute, and I'm lit up like a xmas tree! I have lots of sensative buttons on my front, with an LCD panel to see my 'status'. I'm looking for another rack mounted CPU so that we can 'stack'. I'm also fully mirrored, so redundancy is a plus!

    With her luck, she'll get paired up with a gimpy looking desktop. `8r( but she so wants to find a slick looking machine of equal speeds...

    --
    Gonzo Granzeau

  • So, is this what they mean by "CyberSex"?

    And following up on a previous article [slashdot.org], does sex between two computers count as adultery?

    Inquiring minds want to know!

    Eris

  • Re:Social Problems. (Score:3)

    by PCGod ( 86295 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:45PM (#431949)
    > Aren't people worried about their computer getting an STD (SMTP-transmitted Disease)??

    That's why it's important to use protection. All the ports on my box (must be female) are filtered, so no STDs can get through. All incoming connections are monitored for just that kind of thing. It's also useful in the prevention of unwanted child processes. You know how it is. When two machines get together, they just wanna fork().

  • 1st base: anonymous ftp.

    2nd base: user account and shell.

    3rd base: NFS, all_squash.

    Home run: NFS, no_root_squash.


    ---
  • Hey, this thing makes absolutely no accomidations for my MOSIX cluster... common, I thought that bigger clusters were always bigger... or are you gonna tell me that its all in how you use it?
  • My Box sad, It refuse to boot after looking at its dreamed spouse_to_be was taken by other box.

  • ...but the real question is:
    How many computers like to take it in the serial port?

    -Gnight

  • Computers are doin' it for themselves (Score:3)

    by Ukab the Great ( 87152 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @09:33PM (#431954)
    Even if my box is lonely, it can still have fun with its Palm.
  • Some sexy commands: strip, touch, finger, mount, fsck ...and 'man sex' on some machines.

  • Re:hmm.. (Score:5)

    by aidoneus ( 74503 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:22PM (#431956) Journal
    The hard drives in my system have been mounted more time in the past year that I have been in my lifetime... It's just not fair... ;)

    SWM (Single-processor Windows2000 Mid-tower), seeking SLF (Single-processor Linux Full-tower) for distributed processing, file serving, and cd-burning. Willing to shared dedicated T-1, and lloking for someone to run fingerd. Interested? Please ping 192.168.1.1 for more information.
  • hi cnkeller (george here)

    unfortunately you are WRONG, i DO have a valentine. not a day goes by without me having a thought of DIVORCING her but the fact of the matter is that she is a pretty good cook and also shovels the driveway real fast. so i view it as a sacrifice, i get FOOD and a CLEAN DRIVEWAY but have to put up with general whining and other crap!! it's not a bad deal but it does have it's down sides .. LIKE FEBUARY 14 OF EVERY YEAR

    your bud
  • I can't connect to them. Have they *already* been Slashdoted? 18 comments were posted; 11 were "1" or higher.

    Is it really down? Anyone else having trouble?
    _________________________________________________

  • You have a son? But I thought all /. readers were only 12 years old. You dirty boy!

  • So, what are the "three bases" in terms of computer dating, and what's a home run??

    Any takers?

    --

  • You must not value the "Shift" key very much though, huh?

  • Computers can do it too (Score:3)

    by Ryu2 ( 89645 ) on Wednesday February 14, 2001 @01:23PM (#431962) Homepage Journal
    from the Jargon file...

    SEX /seks/

    [Sun Users' Group & elsewhere] n. 1. Software EXchange. A technique invented by the blue-green algae hundreds of millions of years ago to speed up their evolution, which had been terribly slow up until then. Today, SEX parties are popular among hackers and others (of course, these are no longer limited to exchanges of genetic software). In general, SEX parties are a Good Thing, but unprotected SEX can propagate a virus. See also pubic directory.

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