Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figures 174
Ego writes "Ever want to have your very own Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figure?" 'Jump into action with Dan, Kim, and Nate your desktop buddies,' the ad says. One can only imagine what Destro and the Baroness would do to these three guys if they couldn't keep the network up.
Is this a joke? (Score:1)
YEAH! (Score:1)
.... at least they're cheaper than Pokemon
*remembers Toy Story* (Score:2)
*whips out magnifying glass*
--red
Where's the trained monkey? (Score:1)
Wonder if these can double as voodoo dolls?
hmm... (Score:3)
Disappointed.. (Score:1)
And I had so many plans about what I could do with one.
EZ
-'Press Ctrl-Alt-Del to log in..'
Interesting Marketing ploy (Score:4)
OpenSource Toys.
A TUX that transforms into a huge battlecruiser.
The BSD daemon that with a bit of slight of hand changes into a tank.
A Linus (tm) Action figure with special coding action
A Sig11 Doll with fearsome Karma power
A CmdrTaco model, which is sometimes late...
We could even combine some of the models together and make:
SuperMegaTuxTacoDaemon11ux
Which could take on the MCSE Drones in an ultimate battle of good versus banality.
Microsoft Man, with . . . (Score:5)
And his partner Microsoft woman with
Can they survive the forces of the mighty Penguin, the Daemon, and the avenging DOJ? Tune in again for the next episode of Microsoft Man - Windows 2000, the final battle . . .
Slashdot figures (Score:1)
This is scary (Score:5)
This situation is unacceptable. It's clear that the community must release some action figures that will spark the imagination of our own children (what, you mean you actually got laid? Way to go!). Behold...
The NEW Ultra-Cool CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures!
Featuring...
* Automatic misspeller gun!
* Rushed duplicated article submission!
* Bad joke dispenser!
* Nanotech-related story magnet!
* Automated Linux kernel updater!
* Olympic swimming pool filled with Andover IPO dollars!
* Rumour-type-story accuracy checker! (Oh wait, never mind that.)
Although the CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures claim to support open-doll development, only an early version of their own schemata is available. How sad is that?
CmdrTaco and Hemos are trademarks of Andover.net. "Don't mess with us or our elephantine legal department will crush you like a bug, little man!"
Guns? (Score:1)
I'm going to pout now.
--
Holsters? (Score:1)
S'pose that's ok tho, cause they look more like
'Matrix' charachters than the MSCEs I've seen...
Oh, wait, maybe it's just their Palmpilots^W Win CE Devices...
--Kevin
=-=-=-=-=-=
"HELLO SMALL CHILD! WHO IS BACK! I HAVE THE RENEGADE MASTER WITH ME!"
act now! supplies are limited! (Score:1)
act now supplies are limited!
coming soon!
micro$oft hostile takeover and FUD decimation action figures. yes you get the whole set: bill gates, the micro$oft public relations team, the micro$oft sales team, and (for a limited time only! (act now!)) the micro$oft anti-trust trial legal team!
Cyber Bill (Score:1)
what no evil gates of borg figure? (Score:1)
If microsoft has its say (Score:1)
I need to do my laundry
Please send $3 to:
Jon Allen
p.o. box 308142
Re:Guns? (Score:1)
* MCP buddy sold separately
Re:Slashdot figures (Score:1)
Hey Rob, howabout that tarball!
Oops... Another 24 hours now...
I've had mine for 6 months (Score:2)
Some folks have their action figures hanging from their necks, others just have them staring blankly from the top of the monitors.
Personally, however, mine "fell forward" into a "RedHat Inside" sticker that I got in my RedHat distro. His chest is now a RedHat fedora. The "MCP" logo on their backpacks also scratches off nicely. A little black marker covers up where it used to be.
He is now a "RedHat" action figure. and sits perched atop my desk scouring @ any M$ apps.
Book included! (Score:2)
And not to forget:
The booklet "Teach FUD yourself within two weeks!" - the ultimate FUD guide to build up your own monopoly.
Buy it now!
Dangerous jokes! (Score:1)
Bad jokes included could do harm to geeks under the age of 3.
Where is the pager? (Score:1)
Re:This is scary (Score:2)
Snipped from a very funny post BTW
It's sad that people comment on this far to often.
Let me try to srike this one dead....
As Cmder Taco has allready pointed out the code everyone wants is compleatly useless.
It's all hardwired code and not useful to anyone but Andover...
They are doing there best to port the whole mess to portable code but lets face it.. thats not an easy task... in the mean time they have Slashdot to run... and that's the priority..
It's not as if you could benifit from Slashdots code... if you want to set up your own slashdot you need to hardwire your own code to your system.
Secondly....
Support != Do...
Slashdot has acted as the hub of the opensource community (amount other things) for a long time now. It will continue to do so for a long time to come. Thats the contrabution..
Also lets face it.. support could be nothing more than sitting back and shouting harray.. as some companys do.. support by just saying "We shall use open source becouse
I'm conserned that companys seeking to dip into open source may get bit back by a few zelots who scream becouse they don't then automaticly open source everything...
Many open source supporters don't supply much code back to the commen code pool.. if any...
Do we want IBM to open source Os/2? Shure we'd love to have it but are we going to push IBM into it? No.. If IBM dosn't want to give away the OS/2 souce code then they can keep it.
Same with slashdot... ID software... and anyone making an effort to give back in some small way...
Where the BSOD house? (Score:1)
Personally, i'd hate to be living in a house running on NT... Imagine the toilet BSODed just after you'd just[*** WARNING - CENSORDED - Have a nice day ***]. That'd be sick, huh!
OK, i'm sick and i'm sorta off topic... sorry
That is funny... (Score:1)
Squishdot (Score:1)
make a Slashdot like site. Try http://www.zope.org and check out the Squishdot product.
deathmatch!! (Score:1)
...I think they're trying to eclipse the Beanie Baby craze....
Microsoft Black Ops (Score:3)
Because we have reason to be proud.... (Score:1)
>How is this different from you Linux freaks who buy stuffed penguins?
Because we don't buy figures of geeks with penguin stickers on their back.....
You could have said this in a diplomatic way, and avoided the -1: Flaimbait, but, probably being the foolish NT user you are, did your one line smart-assed comment.
Anyway, why am I wasting my time posting to flamebait that will get -1? Bordom from downloading Storm Linux on my 33.6 I guess.....
Re:Guns? (Score:1)
B. Gates figures (Score:1)
Hmm... of course, it also would be quite cool to use this Bill figure as some sort of voodoo doll with needles and that kind of stuff... (OK, that was quite sick)
.
.
.
Why on earth someone would be actually interested in buying this kind of crap? I think that parents who are buying these figures for their kids are irresponsible and are doing quite large damage to their kids. (Or are these figures targeted for NT network administrators?)
What actually is the function of these figures? There isn't any kind of comics series or movies about these figures...
MCP Action L-Users ? (Score:1)
*grin*
--
B10m
Power to the Tux-Action hero !
Re:so? (Score:1)
--
B10m
yes, but.... (Score:1)
ThinkGeek ought to make THEIR version (Score:3)
Connah
I'm gonna sound racist/sexist.... (Score:1)
Three-fingered salute (Score:1)
Strangely enough, I've got "Ivan meets G.I. Joe" in my headphones right now...
Rebooting (Score:3)
No, it doesn't take a whole team, when you have the proper tool to do it [attrition.org].
Go Go Professional Rangers (Score:3)
I hear Po Bronson was working on a show like this, but seeing these action figures, one has to wonder if a...younger, more malleable audience could be coaxed into Microsoft Hero Worship.
Geek Intern Joe. Oi.
This actually becomes much more interesting when you consider that most of the cartoons from the early 80's were entirely funded by toy manufacturers, not by the advertisers that ran commercials during the show. The show itself advertised the toy product--and oh boy, did we eat it up.
Yeah. I could see that kind of tactic. I'm not saying that's what they had in mind--no, I actually think the action figures are pretty damn cool. I especially like the Kung Fu Grip of the female doll...about to be struck down by Suck's own Jihad Tux, of course
Yours Truly,
Dan Kaminsky
DoxPara Research
http://www.doxpara.com
Anotomically Correct? (Score:2)
Re:Whats the deal?????????????????????? (Score:3)
Microsoft and Keller Marketing (a division of General Commercial Corp.) have teamed up to provide our Most Valued Partners with a collection of quality premium products to promote your brand. Keller Marketing offers a broad range of advertising items to fit any promotion or event. For items not pictured, please don't hesitate to contact us so that we can meet your needs.
Goto to the clothes section, this is really bad, i.e. a cap [mvpstore.com] and shirts and stuff..., uh and coffee cups and pencils and cases and sport bottles and
So, sorry, no joke...
Re:so? (Score:1)
Re:Where's the trained monkey? (Score:1)
Real Humor (Score:5)
1. Convert headline/story in AP wire store or press release form.
2. Change microsoft to linux or linux to microsoft and add a few jabs at Bill Gates.
3. Misspell microsoft 5 different ways. (How is it an insult to them because you can't spell?)
4. If physical object, create a metaphore to windows and tell what would happen if it crashed. If metaphysical object, explain why the world would end if it was closed source.
Personally I think it gets old real quick, but if someone wanted karma points why not make a translator script like they used to have for Jive and Valley Girl.
anyhow, thanks for real humor.
Re:Go Go Professional Rangers (Score:2)
However this marketing strategy may scare me, it fits MS perfectly as they are marketing a "Toy Product". I just wonder how often you have to reboot the figures to make them work properly
Re:Rebooting (Score:3)
500 AMD-K6 3d
128MB RAM...
Ironic coincidence (Score:3)
Re:Posted by emmett on 10-01-00 1:00 NZD (Score:1)
Actually, if you *really* want consistency, it should be 2000-01-10. Just like H:M:S. Then you could make it all one string: 2000:01:10:01:00:00.
Whaddya think?
Re:I'm gonna sound racist/sexist.... (Score:1)
Makes it seem less sincere when you notice the pattern, doesn't it.
Re:so? (Score:1)
To boldly go where no action figure... (Score:1)
Take one MS action figure:
Duct tape to the end of a Nerf[tm] arrow.
Place wadding in other end of Nerf[tm] arrow.
Place C5-6 rocket engine after wadding.
Launch action figure above paved surface.
Unfortunately, they're not as destructable as Kenny was (Dammit! Me Bastard! I killed Kenny!)
They're not as aerodynamic either, Kenny got a good 1000', the MS guy couldn't go over about 600.
Next time the MS dude is gonna ride near the engine, in fact I'm considering rubber-banding them all around the fins with their heads in the blast area. Just gotta find some nose weight.
(See what you can learn at USENIX security?)
Paul
Re:Disappointed.. (Score:1)
Are Dan, Kim and Nate allowed? (Score:2)
If Kibo [kibo.com] greps /. he'll soon add these to the Dumb Toys Gallery [kibo.com], along with other very bizarre action figures. Be sure to visit that gallery. It's creepy.
Re:hmm... (Score:1)
Re:hmm... (Score:1)
Intel Damnit Dolls (Score:2)
It gives my Macs more incentive to work harder without a crash.
they have design limitations... (Score:1)
Merchandise not available to most readers (Score:2)
Too bad -- it would've been worth $5 to put them in the microwave and melt them a little...
Potential use for some MSCP: Buy a bunch of these and resell them to slashdot readers. (I'm only half joking.)
Re:This is scary (Score:2)
Ya know... (Score:1)
Get a few of those little case emblems, and slap 'em on their chests...
Just like little ex-dark-jedi-power-rangers...
Have a Daemon Ranger, a Tux Ranger
and a...Hmm...Gold Tux Ranger?
(I assume there isn't an SGI case emblem, and I'm not desecrating my Indy...
--Kevin
=-=-=-=-=-=
"HELLO SMALL CHILD! WHO IS BACK! I HAVE THE RENEGADE MASTER WITH ME!"
Alright! (Score:1)
Action Figure vs Reality (Score:2)
Action Figure: No
Reality: No
Understands Computers?
Action Figure: No
Reality: No
Problem solving abilities?
Action Figure: No
Reality: No
Helpfull to Customers?
Action Figure: No
Reality: No
Sits and stares at screen, does nothing?
Action Figure: Yes
Reality: Yes
Stiff and inflexible?
Action Figure: Yes
Reality: Yes
Won't screw up your computer?
Action Figure: * Yes *
Reality: No
So you see, a Microsoft action figure is better than a real Microsoft Certified Professional.
Oh geez. (Score:1)
Barclay(?), Dax, and Worf from Star Trek...
--Kevin
(Yes, this post removes any doubt that I'm a nerd.
=-=-=-=-=-=
"HELLO SMALL CHILD! WHO IS BACK! I HAVE THE RENEGADE MASTER WITH ME!"
Re:yes, but.... (Score:2)
Maybe if they just spoke :
"I love you, Bill"
"Let's go monopilising"
"Reboot and reinstall"
"It must be faulty hardware"
"Running non-Microsoft software is not recommended"
"It'll be fixed in the next version"
LOOK! Up in the sky! (Score:1)
[kid among the spectators] "Mommy? Why is the sky blue?"
[kid's mother] Well, that's because Super Bill was flying around up there when he crashed, dear.
Re:This is scary (Score:1)
Yikes (Score:2)
Take a look at that bad boy.
Re:Disappointed.. (Score:1)
q
Re:Yikes (Score:1)
Or this [mvpstore.com], who the hell would wear anything with this ugly mcp-logo on it anyway?
The look like borg drones (Score:1)
How fitting.
Re:Is this a joke? (Score:2)
Re:Intel Damnit Dolls (Score:1)
I'm thinking of starting a collection of these sad and useless Action Figures.
Re:so? (Score:1)
You folks can laugh at MCP all you want. I wouldn't have gotten the job I have now without it.
So big deal. I know an MCP and what he says is "Just shut the fuck up about the product - its what clueless PHB's want, it guarantees you a recurring income stream, and I wouldn't make 90% of my money if I wasn't restarting MS solutions." Then, recapping mentally what he had just said, he broke into laughter.
I'm glad you have your job too. I hope you fucking choke on your money.
======
"Rex unto my cleeb, and thou shalt have everlasting blort." - Zorp 3:16
Re:Go Go Professional Rangers (Score:1)
Re:Slashdot figures (Score:1)
#include <signal.h> \ #include <stdlib.h> \ int main(void){signal(ABRT,SIGIGN);while(1){abort(-1)
NT Man? (Score:1)
Taking the toys prime time (Score:2)
Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"
Cut to a toy datacenter with toy sitting in a mini ergo-chair, child's voice cries "Kim, we lost the print spooler, I say again, print services are OFFLINE! Perform a reboot!"
Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"
Cut to a childs hand holding Dan and knocking over toy computers, the child cries out "Take that you hard to use and expensive Sun servers! Microsoft clustering can deliver the same performance for 1/3 the price!"
Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"
Cut to a closeup of Nate, a child shreiks, "Oh my Kim, the UNIX Admins are installing Linux, what do we do?!"
Girls voice "They're too smart to attack directly, they know Computer Science and all of that other bits and bytes stuff. Wait!!! There's their managers, ready the FUD Cannon!"
Cheezy electric recorded voice, "Windows is a robust solution for your enterprise...."
Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"
Generic anouncer "Collect Dan, Kim, and their fearless MSCE+Internet leader Nate, the MCP Action figures by Wham-O! FUD Cannon and Clue-Stick sold separately!"
Anotomically correct? (Score:1)
Re:Interesting Marketing ploy (Score:1)
Besides.. I wouldn't mind kids using my action doll to bury the MCP action figures in the sand and then running them over with a lawn mower... *cough*.... ah, the metaphores one could draw...
windows (Score:2)
Re:so? (Score:1)
Re:Slashdot figures (Score:1)
while(1) {
post_slashdot_article(&dogma,&poster);
for(unsigned short int = 0; i >= 50 ; i++){
int x = check_email();
if(!x)
break;
}
if(anyone_asked_about_slash_release)
sleep(3600*24);
}
printf("Can't happen.\n");
abort();
Oh, good lord. (Score:1)
Hardly... (Score:2)
Professional. n. characterized by or conforming to the technical or ethical standards of a profession (2) : exhibiting a courteous, conscientious, and generally businesslike manner in the workplace (Merriam-Webster dictionary) [m-w.com]
How can a corporation, to whom those qualities are alien, even begin to certify them ?
What next ? Microsoft Certified Linux Guru ?
Re:Whats the deal?????????????????????? (Score:1)
--
What about a Katz action figure? (Score:1)
Re:This is scary (Score:1)
Good Value! (Score:1)
With real action reboot finger (Score:1)
-Kris
Re:Go Go Professional Rangers (Score:3)
I think tech life could be edited down to a rather crazy hour, just like I'm sure every episode of ER pretty much contains the craziness of an entire month crammed into the timespan of a few minutes. C'mon, like "pre-IPO", college interns, managers, mad scientists(me), and various forms of firefighting couldn't be at least moderately interesting.
Remember, it wouldn't be so much about the tech, but the people behind the way the tech dies, and the methods by which other people spur into action to recover the systems.
Then again, Law and Order is an amazing show *because* it focuses on the law, not the people...
Yours Truly,
Dan Kaminsky
DoxPara Research
http://www.doxpara.com
Re:Are Dan, Kim and Nate allowed? (Score:1)
MCPs in real life... (Score:1)
Next, you need to dress them properly. Maybe a white short sleeve button up. Fix that hair too...just let it grow for 6 months without any trimming.
After that, maybe glue a very small amount of food crumbs to the side of their faces... (This may be extreme- maybe only one of them should get the crumbs).
That should about do it.
Re:Interesting Marketing ploy (Score:1)
You missed one. Their mentor/superior that gives them their missions, gear, provides emotional support, teaches them valuable lessions about life, and generally kicks butt in Quake: Dust Puppy! And, conveniently, he's already available in a stuffed version. Check out the UF Cartoon Homepage [userfriendly.org] for more info! :-D
Also available: Dust Puppy's arch-nemesis, the crowning star in the Evil M$ Legal Team: Crud Puppy!
-RickHunter
--"We are gray. We stand between the candle and the star."
--Gray council, Babylon 5.
MSCE doll (Score:3)
---wavy lines---
<MS Helpdesk> Sorry sir, but we can't admit that $PRODUCT is at fault
<FX: DaveHowe pokes doll with pin>
<MS Helpdesk> Ow!
<DaveHowe> Are you SURE you can't help?
<MS Helpdesk> No, I'm sorry sir, we...
<FX: DaveHowe makes use of soldering iron>
<MS Helpdesk> Please! no more! I'll talk! just don't hurt me anymore
---wavy lines---
Don't you just WISH sometimes? :+)
--
It's only the beginning. (Score:1)
MS Legal Department Action Figures
--------------------------------------
Over 160 to collect. One for each litigation involving Microsoft. Some of them include...
- Gui Appleton
- Cal D. Erasmus
- Don O. Jasper
and many more to come. And remember kids: "Gotta litigate them all!"
I'd like to see a /. troll doll. (Score:1)
All male action figures? (Score:1)
RE: why MCPs are important (Score:2)
I found out why it's important. Small consulting shops (like the one I work at) want to become an MCSP (M$ Certified Solutions Provider). Why? Well, although some companies won't outsource to a non-MCSP, it's mostly to save $. How? Because the $1395 a year it costs you gets you: A universal MSDN subscription (quarterly updates. This is basically the whole MSDN site on CD), TechNet (betas and SDKs), a 50 license BackOffice (NT Server, SMS, Exchange, IIS package, 10 licenses EACH of the following: Visual Studio Enterprise (that's about $1500 by itself), M$ Office Developer, and all the client OSs (NT workstation, 98, 95, etc).
The thing is, to be an MCSP you have to have so many MCP-certified developer (there are other things, but that's a big one). So regardless, if a smal shop wants an MCSP or to keep it, they want MCPs. Like M$ or not, once again, you have to admire there shrewd marketing.
Win95 Theme Song (Score:2)
I always thought it somewhat appropriate that the line immediately following "Start Me Up" in that song talks about grown men crying.
Re:Dangerous jokes! (Score:2)