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Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figures 174

Ego writes "Ever want to have your very own Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figure?" 'Jump into action with Dan, Kim, and Nate your desktop buddies,' the ad says. One can only imagine what Destro and the Baroness would do to these three guys if they couldn't keep the network up.
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Microsoft Certified Professional Action Figure

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  • Do people really want Microsoft that bad? Maybe is is more like the 'candy cigarettes' i had as a hid? Sick.
  • My personal dream has come true! I can now die a happy man.

    .... at least they're cheaper than Pokemon :)
  • Cool! Now we can be like Sid from Toy Story!

    *whips out magnifying glass*

  • I though Microsoft Certified Peons should have a pet monkey (typewritter sold seperately), would give the cartoon series the gimick it needs.

    Wonder if these can double as voodoo dolls?
  • by komet ( 36303 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @03:10AM (#1389671) Homepage
    According to my mom, all action figures have one thing in common: The people they depict DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST... :)
  • There's no 'Bill' figure ;(

    And I had so many plans about what I could do with one.

    -'Press Ctrl-Alt-Del to log in..'
  • Maybe we should take up this sort of thing....

    OpenSource Toys.

    A TUX that transforms into a huge battlecruiser.

    The BSD daemon that with a bit of slight of hand changes into a tank.

    A Linus (tm) Action figure with special coding action

    A Sig11 Doll with fearsome Karma power

    A CmdrTaco model, which is sometimes late...

    We could even combine some of the models together and make:


    Which could take on the MCSE Drones in an ultimate battle of good versus banality.

    • the all-powerful incompatibility ray!
    • the fiendish DLL trap - thousands of different versions just come popping up all over the place!
    • Super-Reboot power finger (unfortunately, this goes off at the first sign of trouble)

    And his partner Microsoft woman with

    • her inescapable embrace-and-extend death grip

    Can they survive the forces of the mighty Penguin, the Daemon, and the avenging DOJ? Tune in again for the next episode of Microsoft Man - Windows 2000, the final battle . . .

  • There should be CmdrTaco and Hemos models which always simultaneously do whatever they did six months ago.
  • by Kaufmann ( 16976 ) <rnedal@ o l i m p o.com.br> on Sunday January 09, 2000 @03:22AM (#1389676) Homepage
    I can see it already. Our kids will grow up with MCPs as role models. That is a very scary notion.

    This situation is unacceptable. It's clear that the community must release some action figures that will spark the imagination of our own children (what, you mean you actually got laid? Way to go!). Behold...

    The NEW Ultra-Cool CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures!


    * Automatic misspeller gun!
    * Rushed duplicated article submission!
    * Bad joke dispenser!
    * Nanotech-related story magnet!
    * Automated Linux kernel updater!
    * Olympic swimming pool filled with Andover IPO dollars!
    * Rumour-type-story accuracy checker! (Oh wait, never mind that.)

    Although the CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures claim to support open-doll development, only an early version of their own schemata is available. How sad is that?

    CmdrTaco and Hemos are trademarks of Andover.net. "Don't mess with us or our elephantine legal department will crush you like a bug, little man!"
  • Is it just me or are there small belt holsters with decent sized pistols in 'em? I never got one of those when I became an MCP, just a 'pocket guide' on NTS erver that was far too large to fit in anyone's pocket.

    I'm going to pout now.
  • Do I see holsters strapped to their belts?
    S'pose that's ok tho, cause they look more like
    'Matrix' charachters than the MSCEs I've seen... :)

    Oh, wait, maybe it's just their Palmpilots^W Win CE Devices...


  • yes ladies and gentlemen, act now and you can have micro$oft invade your home or office in yet more ways! our mcp action figures are ready to sit around, twirling a pen between their tiny, endangered brazilian rainforest poly-extruded rubber fingers, and ask if you've run the on-line help sourcer's janitor program and would you like to upgrade your help support for the low price of $50.00.
    act now supplies are limited!

    coming soon!

    micro$oft hostile takeover and FUD decimation action figures. yes you get the whole set: bill gates, the micro$oft public relations team, the micro$oft sales team, and (for a limited time only! (act now!)) the micro$oft anti-trust trial legal team!

  • I think Bill would go perfect next to my figure of the Emperor. =) Jeremy Snow www.gamesiege.com
  • just looked at the site (I just HAD to see this)strangly enougth they hav PLENTY in stock

  • If Microsoft has anything to do with this, I'm sure that the toys burst into flames, fall apart, and are a choking hazard... maybe its just their attempt to monopolize the toy industry also

    I need to do my laundry
    Please send $3 to:
    Jon Allen
    p.o. box 308142
  • Not guns. It's really a cell phone holster to call the MCP's buddy who knows something about hardware (or networking or modems or databases or ...).

    * MCP buddy sold separately

  • With the Taco doll refusing to do anything for another 24 hours because someone talked to it.

    Hey Rob, howabout that tarball!
    Oops... Another 24 hours now...
  • My company is a Microsoft Regional Director. We got a handful of these six months ago. They have been passed around the office a few times.

    Some folks have their action figures hanging from their necks, others just have them staring blankly from the top of the monitors.

    Personally, however, mine "fell forward" into a "RedHat Inside" sticker that I got in my RedHat distro. His chest is now a RedHat fedora. The "MCP" logo on their backpacks also scratches off nicely. A little black marker covers up where it used to be.

    He is now a "RedHat" action figure. and sits perched atop my desk scouring @ any M$ apps.
  • And not to forget:

    The booklet "Teach FUD yourself within two weeks!" - the ultimate FUD guide to build up your own monopoly.

    Buy it now!

  • Warning:

    Bad jokes included could do harm to geeks under the age of 3.
  • No MS admin (hero or zero) is complete without a pager that is constantly beeping.
  • Although the CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures claim to support open-doll development, only an early version of their own schemata is available. How sad is that?

    Snipped from a very funny post BTW :)

    It's sad that people comment on this far to often.
    Let me try to srike this one dead....
    As Cmder Taco has allready pointed out the code everyone wants is compleatly useless.
    It's all hardwired code and not useful to anyone but Andover...
    They are doing there best to port the whole mess to portable code but lets face it.. thats not an easy task... in the mean time they have Slashdot to run... and that's the priority..

    It's not as if you could benifit from Slashdots code... if you want to set up your own slashdot you need to hardwire your own code to your system.

    Support != Do...
    Slashdot has acted as the hub of the opensource community (amount other things) for a long time now. It will continue to do so for a long time to come. Thats the contrabution..
    Also lets face it.. support could be nothing more than sitting back and shouting harray.. as some companys do.. support by just saying "We shall use open source becouse ....." publicly is a great help and not to be looked down on.
    I'm conserned that companys seeking to dip into open source may get bit back by a few zelots who scream becouse they don't then automaticly open source everything...
    Many open source supporters don't supply much code back to the commen code pool.. if any...
    Do we want IBM to open source Os/2? Shure we'd love to have it but are we going to push IBM into it? No.. If IBM dosn't want to give away the OS/2 souce code then they can keep it.
    Same with slashdot... ID software... and anyone making an effort to give back in some small way...
  • Yeah, but where do you get the model of Bill Gates' "super house"? You know, the $100mil huge bastard, running on NT.....

    Personally, i'd hate to be living in a house running on NT... Imagine the toilet BSODed just after you'd just[*** WARNING - CENSORDED - Have a nice day ***]. That'd be sick, huh!

    OK, i'm sick and i'm sorta off topic... sorry :)
  • There is already open source code which will
    make a Slashdot like site. Try http://www.zope.org and check out the Squishdot product.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Maybe the Microsoft henchmen should take on Jesse (the Body) Ventura in a fight to the death!! Long live champions of a quick buck and masters of commercialism!!

    ...I think they're trying to eclipse the Beanie Baby craze....
  • by cd-w ( 78145 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @04:46AM (#1389707) Homepage
    Anyone else notice the striking similarity between these action figures and the Microsoft Black Ops featured in this User-Friendly cartoon [userfriendly.org]!!
  • because Liunx works. And OUR mascot is an animate object, as opposed to a logo that is a Windows falling apart....

    >How is this different from you Linux freaks who buy stuffed penguins?

    Because we don't buy figures of geeks with penguin stickers on their back.....

    You could have said this in a diplomatic way, and avoided the -1: Flaimbait, but, probably being the foolish NT user you are, did your one line smart-assed comment.

    Anyway, why am I wasting my time posting to flamebait that will get -1? Bordom from downloading Storm Linux on my 33.6 I guess.....
  • No, it is their handy copy of Teach Yourself MCSE in 24 hours!

  • I want a Bill Gates action figure! Then, every time my NT machine does something weird at work, I can beat that figure and kick it over the room.

    Hmm... of course, it also would be quite cool to use this Bill figure as some sort of voodoo doll with needles and that kind of stuff... (OK, that was quite sick)
    Why on earth someone would be actually interested in buying this kind of crap? I think that parents who are buying these figures for their kids are irresponsible and are doing quite large damage to their kids. (Or are these figures targeted for NT network administrators?)

    What actually is the function of these figures? There isn't any kind of comics series or movies about these figures...

  • Do you have to reboot these figures every ten minutes ?



    Power to the Tux-Action hero !
  • by b10m ( 128067 )
    Ermmm we buy stuffed penguins, which symbols the OS. Not the people who support it.

  • Can they play mp3's when you pull a string on the back of the neck?
  • by connah ( 125251 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @05:05AM (#1389715)
    I think ThinkGeek.com should make some MCP action figures....With strings in the back. You pull it and it a high pitch voice it randomly says: 1) This application has preformed an illegal operation! 2) Warning! The system has become extremely unstable! 3) Page Fault in KERNEL32.DLL! I could see that as reliveing some tension throughout the day...Only when used as a projectile.

  • by Anonymous Coward
    .... but have you ever noticed that in virtually any group of three in any advertisement, there's always the token black, the token woman, and that the token black is never the token woman?
  • I can just imagine. Good lord. These scare me.

    Strangely enough, I've got "Ivan meets G.I. Joe" in my headphones right now...

  • by dattaway ( 3088 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @05:12AM (#1389719) Homepage Journal
    CTRL-ALT-DEL must be a real pain for those little guys, what with their fingers all stuck together! They must have to work as a team to do it!

    No, it doesn't take a whole team, when you have the proper tool to do it [attrition.org].
  • by Effugas ( 2378 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @05:17AM (#1389720) Homepage
    For years, I've been wondering when us geeks would have a TV series of our own--one that, sorta like ER, gave an honest(and patently ridiculous--considering the manic depressiveness of the tech lottery^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hstock market) view of life in the ultra fast lane.

    I hear Po Bronson was working on a show like this, but seeing these action figures, one has to wonder if a...younger, more malleable audience could be coaxed into Microsoft Hero Worship.

    Geek Intern Joe. Oi.

    This actually becomes much more interesting when you consider that most of the cartoons from the early 80's were entirely funded by toy manufacturers, not by the advertisers that ran commercials during the show. The show itself advertised the toy product--and oh boy, did we eat it up.

    Yeah. I could see that kind of tactic. I'm not saying that's what they had in mind--no, I actually think the action figures are pretty damn cool. I especially like the Kung Fu Grip of the female doll...about to be struck down by Suck's own Jihad Tux, of course ;-)

    Yours Truly,

    Dan Kaminsky
    DoxPara Research
  • I think so. Plastic head, no brains inside. Other vital parts missing as well. (Heart! I was thinking Heart!)
  • by platypus ( 18156 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @05:34AM (#1389723) Homepage
    From the www.mvpstore.com frontpage:

    Microsoft and Keller Marketing (a division of General Commercial Corp.) have teamed up to provide our Most Valued Partners with a collection of quality premium products to promote your brand. Keller Marketing offers a broad range of advertising items to fit any promotion or event. For items not pictured, please don't hesitate to contact us so that we can meet your needs.

    Goto to the clothes section, this is really bad, i.e. a cap [mvpstore.com] and shirts and stuff..., uh and coffee cups and pencils and cases and sport bottles and ... everything with "microsoft certified professional" printed on it.

    So, sorry, no joke...
  • And besides... they're such cute little fellas :)
  • The monkey was smart... he left the show and went open source after seeing thousands of the actions figures put throug the firecracker torture test. He knew that MS couldnt even handle dashes in URL's per the RFC or deal properly with fragmented packets, so how could they compte with the firecracker torture test? The monkey bailed...

  • by jonathanclark ( 29656 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @05:51AM (#1389728) Homepage
    I have to admit, that is a pretty funny post. So many of the post moderated up as funny on /. these days look like they were written by scripts.

    1. Convert headline/story in AP wire store or press release form.

    2. Change microsoft to linux or linux to microsoft and add a few jabs at Bill Gates.

    3. Misspell microsoft 5 different ways. (How is it an insult to them because you can't spell?)

    4. If physical object, create a metaphore to windows and tell what would happen if it crashed. If metaphysical object, explain why the world would end if it was closed source.

    Personally I think it gets old real quick, but if someone wanted karma points why not make a translator script like they used to have for Jive and Valley Girl.

    anyhow, thanks for real humor.
  • Your right I think. We did buy up hoards os G.I. Joe, My little Pony, Transformers and the like. It is still goin on today however with things like pokemon, digimon, and power rangers. The list is endless.

    However this marketing strategy may scare me, it fits MS perfectly as they are marketing a "Toy Product". I just wonder how often you have to reboot the figures to make them work properly :)

  • by jonathanclark ( 29656 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @06:08AM (#1389731) Homepage
    Or you have a Kinesis [kinesis-ergo.com] keyboard. Ctrl, alt, and del are all right next to each oth....

    500 AMD-K6 3d
    128MB RAM...
  • by dsplat ( 73054 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @06:12AM (#1389732)
    As I am typing this, I am watching the banner ad where Tux tramples Redmond. Any long time Slashdot reader will have already seen it several times. Tux will eat them for lunch.
  • (not like u wierd ppl who don't do things in the logical order... I mean, why month, then day, then year???)

    Actually, if you *really* want consistency, it should be 2000-01-10. Just like H:M:S. Then you could make it all one string: 2000:01:10:01:00:00.

    Whaddya think?

  • by Anonymous Coward
    Yes, and the woman is asian.

    Makes it seem less sincere when you notice the pattern, doesn't it.

  • I was thinking the same thing. You folks can laugh at MCP all you want. I wouldn't have gotten the job I have now without it.
  • Microsoft handed these out at a conference one of my cow-orkers went to. He charitably donated them to science- erm, that is *my* specific experiment-

    Take one MS action figure:
    Duct tape to the end of a Nerf[tm] arrow.
    Place wadding in other end of Nerf[tm] arrow.
    Place C5-6 rocket engine after wadding.
    Launch action figure above paved surface.

    Unfortunately, they're not as destructable as Kenny was (Dammit! Me Bastard! I killed Kenny!)

    They're not as aerodynamic either, Kenny got a good 1000', the MS guy couldn't go over about 600.

    Next time the MS dude is gonna ride near the engine, in fact I'm considering rubber-banding them all around the fins with their heads in the blast area. Just gotta find some nose weight.

    (See what you can learn at USENIX security?)

  • Well, makes you wonder if 'ol Billy-Boy would even pass an MCP exam ;)
  • If Kibo [kibo.com] greps /. he'll soon add these to the Dumb Toys Gallery [kibo.com], along with other very bizarre action figures. Be sure to visit that gallery. It's creepy.

  • But what about my treasured Mr. T action figure? And my Jesse "The Demogogue" Ventura?
  • Does this mean there's no such thing as an MCP that can really help you? M$ doesn't have men in black that come and fix your network every time NT crashes? My world is collapsing!
  • I have a bunch of those little Intel Bunny freaks. When one of my PeeCee boxes goes down, you grab the Intel dude by his legs, beat him against the desk and yell "Damn it Intel...Damn you striaght to Hell."

    It gives my Macs more incentive to work harder without a crash.
  • After hours, literally, of trying, many of the popular illicit poses you immediately begin to think of when you have access to these guys seem to be explicitly forbidden by the design. Nonetheless, with some modification, anything is possible. More evidence for the power of reverse engineering and open source over MS...
  • I just checked the site. In order to purchase anything, you must have an MVP account. In order to obtain one, you must give them your MS ID number (which you get when you pass one of the MS certification programs).

    Too bad -- it would've been worth $5 to put them in the microwave and melt them a little...

    Potential use for some MSCP: Buy a bunch of these and resell them to slashdot readers. (I'm only half joking.)
  • The NEW Ultra-Cool CmdrTaco (tm) and Hemos (tm) action figures!

    ..."Geek Compound Action Playset" sold separately.

  • I kinda like these guys, I just might order some.

    Get a few of those little case emblems, and slap 'em on their chests...
    Just like little ex-dark-jedi-power-rangers...
    Have a Daemon Ranger, a Tux Ranger
    and a...Hmm...Gold Tux Ranger?

    (I assume there isn't an SGI case emblem, and I'm not desecrating my Indy... :)


  • Now with Kung-Fu Nose Pick Grip!
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Fix your network when it goes down?
    Action Figure: No
    Reality: No

    Understands Computers?
    Action Figure: No
    Reality: No

    Problem solving abilities?
    Action Figure: No
    Reality: No

    Helpfull to Customers?
    Action Figure: No
    Reality: No

    Sits and stares at screen, does nothing?
    Action Figure: Yes
    Reality: Yes

    Stiff and inflexible?
    Action Figure: Yes
    Reality: Yes

    Won't screw up your computer?
    Action Figure: * Yes *
    Reality: No

    So you see, a Microsoft action figure is better than a real Microsoft Certified Professional.
  • From that little picture, they sorta resemble
    Barclay(?), Dax, and Worf from Star Trek...

    (Yes, this post removes any doubt that I'm a nerd. ;)

  • What, like "Start Me Up"?

    Maybe if they just spoke :

    "I love you, Bill"
    "Let's go monopilising"
    "Reboot and reinstall"
    "It must be faulty hardware"
    "Running non-Microsoft software is not recommended"
    "It'll be fixed in the next version"
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Faster than 10 copies of Netscape under X with 8 megs of ram! More powerful than a commodore 64. Able to leap whole DOJ investigations in a single bound! LOOK! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's a flagellating windows logo! And they're running it as a screen saver on the uncrashable NT operating system. It's Super Bill!

    [kid among the spectators] "Mommy? Why is the sky blue?"
    [kid's mother] Well, that's because Super Bill was flying around up there when he crashed, dear.

  • Wouldn't opernsourcing the SlashCode speed up the process of making it portable? Two - Three Sets of Hands vs. Hundreds? Just a thought...
  • http://www.mvpstore.com/catalog/Product.asp?PXC=1& PXS=1&PXP=532

    Take a look at that bad boy.
  • Yeah... it would make a cool voodoo doll. ;)

  • Aarg, why can't we post pictures here, would make a nice horror cabinet.
    Or this [mvpstore.com], who the hell would wear anything with this ugly mcp-logo on it anyway?
  • Add a few wires, a weird and useless left-hand prostethis (speled wrong, bite me) and you've got Borg dolls!

    How fitting.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Voodoo Dolls.... Can we stick Pins in them, or will they have too thick of a plastic skin to be able to penetrate with the metal pins we'd so love to stick in certain places....
  • Where'd you get the bunny-suit guys?

    I'm thinking of starting a collection of these sad and useless Action Figures.

  • You folks can laugh at MCP all you want. I wouldn't have gotten the job I have now without it.

    So big deal. I know an MCP and what he says is "Just shut the fuck up about the product - its what clueless PHB's want, it guarantees you a recurring income stream, and I wouldn't make 90% of my money if I wasn't restarting MS solutions." Then, recapping mentally what he had just said, he broke into laughter.

    I'm glad you have your job too. I hope you fucking choke on your money.

    "Rex unto my cleeb, and thou shalt have everlasting blort." - Zorp 3:16

  • Well of course, A real-life portrayal would be dead-dull so they spiced it up. They'd have to do the same with this guy's System Admin tv show.
  • Don't pick on them so damm much - they're just stuck in a while loop.
    #include <signal.h> \ #include <stdlib.h> \ int main(void){signal(ABRT,SIGIGN);while(1){abort(-1); }return(0);}
  • Didn't Microsoft come out with an NT man a while ago to give away to the first couple hundred of people who signed up for something? I've created my own Bill Gates doll with head and limbs attached with velcro so you can rip them off.
  • The commercial:

    Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"

    Cut to a toy datacenter with toy sitting in a mini ergo-chair, child's voice cries "Kim, we lost the print spooler, I say again, print services are OFFLINE! Perform a reboot!"

    Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"

    Cut to a childs hand holding Dan and knocking over toy computers, the child cries out "Take that you hard to use and expensive Sun servers! Microsoft clustering can deliver the same performance for 1/3 the price!"

    Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"

    Cut to a closeup of Nate, a child shreiks, "Oh my Kim, the UNIX Admins are installing Linux, what do we do?!"

    Girls voice "They're too smart to attack directly, they know Computer Science and all of that other bits and bytes stuff. Wait!!! There's their managers, ready the FUD Cannon!"

    Cheezy electric recorded voice, "Windows is a robust solution for your enterprise...."

    Deep Male Voice Sings, "MCP--with the Reboot Grip!"

    Generic anouncer "Collect Dan, Kim, and their fearless MSCE+Internet leader Nate, the MCP Action figures by Wham-O! FUD Cannon and Clue-Stick sold separately!"
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Nope. The reboot fingers are too underdeveloped.
  • Excuse me, but the Sig11 doll would not have fearsome karma power. He only uses his karma for good, not evil. :)

    Besides.. I wouldn't mind kids using my action doll to bury the MCP action figures in the sand and then running them over with a lawn mower... *cough*.... ah, the metaphores one could draw...

  • any chance we can get these guys working on windows millenium ? i know *I* would feel alot better if they took over develeopment
  • Your MCP friend is an idiot, and should be revoked or something.
  • Yeah.... while loop... it looks something like this....

    while(1) {
    for(unsigned short int = 0; i >= 50 ; i++){
    int x = check_email();

    printf("Can't happen.\n");

  • Are there Apple action figures I can get too?? Then I can have them battle it out with the M$ofties like G.I. Joe vs Cobra. Well, this has got to be one of the weirder toys I've ever heard of. And though I would love, love, love to get my hands on a Bill Gates figure, I know he isn't that stupid--no way he's gonna hand out voodoo dolls to everyone.
  • Your post is dead funny funny, I am hardly worried about our kids in the future because the term MCP is a oxymoron. I mean Microsoft Certified Professional ?

    Professional. n. characterized by or conforming to the technical or ethical standards of a profession (2) : exhibiting a courteous, conscientious, and generally businesslike manner in the workplace (Merriam-Webster dictionary) [m-w.com]

    How can a corporation, to whom those qualities are alien, even begin to certify them ?

    What next ? Microsoft Certified Linux Guru ?

  • Naturally, the page fails to load in Opera...


  • It could be like one of those Amazing Amy dolls or Furbies - it would talk incessantly about how society's going to hell in a handbasket and wouldn't have an OFF switch. Oh, and it could have a cute little sweater that said "Resident Gasbag" on it.
  • the real problem is DoS attacks. The real reason behind not releasing the code is that the upgrade from 0.3 to 0.4 probably opened up a helluva lot of bugs that everyone can screw around with if they had the code. wanna bet that 1000's of script kiddies would crack into /. if the code was released ? im willing to bet theyre not releasing the code cos theyre *scared* of doing so.
  • You can get all three for only $5.00. That's about what three MCP's are worth....
  • you forgot the power that all the action figures combined can do -the mighty BSOD reboot karate chop!


  • by Effugas ( 2378 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @12:12PM (#1389799) Homepage
    Please don't think of ER as an accurate portrayal of life in a hospital emergency room. Most doctors I know either can't stand to watch the show or watch it only to get a good laugh

    I think tech life could be edited down to a rather crazy hour, just like I'm sure every episode of ER pretty much contains the craziness of an entire month crammed into the timespan of a few minutes. C'mon, like "pre-IPO", college interns, managers, mad scientists(me), and various forms of firefighting couldn't be at least moderately interesting.

    Remember, it wouldn't be so much about the tech, but the people behind the way the tech dies, and the methods by which other people spur into action to recover the systems.

    Then again, Law and Order is an amazing show *because* it focuses on the law, not the people...

    Yours Truly,

    Dan Kaminsky
    DoxPara Research
  • Good God! Those things are pure evil!
  • First drop about another 40 to 60 pounds on each one.

    Next, you need to dress them properly. Maybe a white short sleeve button up. Fix that hair too...just let it grow for 6 months without any trimming.

    After that, maybe glue a very small amount of food crumbs to the side of their faces... (This may be extreme- maybe only one of them should get the crumbs).

    That should about do it. :)
  • You missed one. Their mentor/superior that gives them their missions, gear, provides emotional support, teaches them valuable lessions about life, and generally kicks butt in Quake: Dust Puppy! And, conveniently, he's already available in a stuffed version. Check out the UF Cartoon Homepage [userfriendly.org] for more info! :-D

    Also available: Dust Puppy's arch-nemesis, the crowning star in the Evil M$ Legal Team: Crud Puppy!

    --"We are gray. We stand between the candle and the star."
    --Gray council, Babylon 5.
  • by DaveHowe ( 51510 ) on Sunday January 09, 2000 @01:25PM (#1389805)
    Do they come with Voodoo drivers?

    ---wavy lines---

    <MS Helpdesk> Sorry sir, but we can't admit that $PRODUCT is at fault
    <FX: DaveHowe pokes doll with pin>
    <MS Helpdesk> Ow!
    <DaveHowe> Are you SURE you can't help?
    <MS Helpdesk> No, I'm sorry sir, we...
    <FX: DaveHowe makes use of soldering iron>
    <MS Helpdesk> Please! no more! I'll talk! just don't hurt me anymore

    ---wavy lines---

    Don't you just WISH sometimes? :+)

  • Trust me, this is only the beginning. If they actually manage to sell these, I can see the next set of M$ action figure dolls.

    MS Legal Department Action Figures

    Over 160 to collect. One for each litigation involving Microsoft. Some of them include...

    - Gui Appleton
    - Cal D. Erasmus
    - Don O. Jasper

    and many more to come. And remember kids: "Gotta litigate them all!"

  • Troll doll: has a rapid-fire arm (not the GI Joe Kung Fu grip tough) for typing in 3133t-speak. Also, comes with a 56.6k modem which dials AOL so he can d/led Back Orifice with his little 13 year old buddies. Is un-godly ugly, ill-tempered, mind-numbingly stupid, and racist. Also comes with elastic arms and legs so /.er's can torture the little SOB's like they know they'd all like to.
  • Well, it's good to see that Microsoft have not denigrated the female of the species by including them as "action figures". I wonder what this says about their corporate culture?I guess that while the twenty something pimply slaves of bill are running around trying to be part of the action the girls are working behind the scenes actually getting things to work. Must be a real lot of them too.
  • Let me eleborate on why I got my job b/c of an MCP designation and why they are important. I just got it b/c I'd been admining' a SQL server box for a while, figured I could study for 2-3 weeks on topics I didn't know and pass. I did.

    I found out why it's important. Small consulting shops (like the one I work at) want to become an MCSP (M$ Certified Solutions Provider). Why? Well, although some companies won't outsource to a non-MCSP, it's mostly to save $. How? Because the $1395 a year it costs you gets you: A universal MSDN subscription (quarterly updates. This is basically the whole MSDN site on CD), TechNet (betas and SDKs), a 50 license BackOffice (NT Server, SMS, Exchange, IIS package, 10 licenses EACH of the following: Visual Studio Enterprise (that's about $1500 by itself), M$ Office Developer, and all the client OSs (NT workstation, 98, 95, etc).

    The thing is, to be an MCSP you have to have so many MCP-certified developer (there are other things, but that's a big one). So regardless, if a smal shop wants an MCSP or to keep it, they want MCPs. Like M$ or not, once again, you have to admire there shrewd marketing.
  • What, like "Start Me Up"?

    I always thought it somewhat appropriate that the line immediately following "Start Me Up" in that song talks about grown men crying.
  • I'd be impressed by a geek under the age of 3. I was going onto five when I found my inner geek ;^>

Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon. -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982