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Windows 99 Beer and Cigarettes 142

fire writes "I was listening to National Public Radio here in the US, and they've talked about a new beer called Windows 99. It is produced in St. Petersburg, Russia, and it seems there is nothing Microsoft can do. The producer exploited Russia's poor trademark law to trademark the name Windows 99 for all food, drink, and tobacco products. They also said that they will start producing cigarettes under the label Windows 99." See? I told you that Windows was bad for your health. Here's a link to an article about it taken from the St. Petersburg Times.
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Windows 99 Beer and Cigarettes

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  • For those that don't know:

    You're going to see a LOT of this in web-based stuff... classic mistake of prepending 19 instead of adding 1900 to the number. The standard localtime() struct stores the year as (year - 1900) so 1999 = 99,and 2001 = 101. This is a novice mistake that no one should make if they've read the llama book. ;)
  • It's a well-known fact that the insect species popularly known as "Wytookay" imbibes immense ammounts of alcohol in order to keep itself free of disease. This also has the known side-effect of causing the insect to make noises that sound much like "Buy another round on me!" - thus this particular species of insect is often used by certain members of the population to garner free drinks at the local pub.
  • There is a double glazing company based near Fareham, Hampshire, England called MS Windows. I hope they don't crash when you try and open more than one window at a time. They have been established far longer than MS, but I doubt that the lawyers think that's a fair excuse. I hope they continue to use the name, because it might give MS Windows a good reputation... (on average)
  • Surgeon Generals Warning:
    Installation of this product may result in your computers unwilligness to function.

    Slight rephrazing:

    Installation of this product may result in the targets unwillingness to function.

    And voila, it can be used for both Windows-the OS and Windows-the beer. :-)

  • To live up to the name, will there will be a 30% chance any given bottle of this stuff is methanol instead of ethanol? And people will expect that and pay money for it anyway?

  • sorry should have posted these earlier

    http://slashdot.org/articles/99/12/16/1248216.sh tml



    http://varla.tapehouse.com/~zebob/powerpro/messa ges/386.html
  • Windows 99 - Will give you more downtime than any competing product.
  • I wonder if Blue Screen of Death is copyrighted...

  • Why would anyone in their right mind (at least before the first one) want to drink beer with a Y2K bug?
  • I don't think you can make a sucessful case if the trademarks in question are for entirely different products, like pizza in beer. For example, Apple Computer couldn't stop a produce company from using the word macintosh in a trademark, since its a kind of apple......

    So the Russians should be able to get away with calling their beer Windows, but what about the knock off of MS's naming scheme?
  • this is a necessary step, on the level of pieing

    bill :)

    do this wherever, keep it up :P
  • No, Blue Screen of Death is not trademarked. [For a product you want a trademark, not copyright -- you copyright the label which you print, although it likely will have your trade mark printed on it also.] I see "Death" is not a popular word in trademarks.
  • If ( Jesus is purple ) And
    ( Barney is purple ) Then
    Jesus := Barney;

    I love you, you love me...
  • Not nearly as clunky looking.
    TTTO Jimmy Buffett's "Why Don't We Get Drunk"
    Lyrics copyright 1999 Matthew W. Miller <mattm@infinet.com>

    I really do appreciate the paychecks from dear Bill
    Their jaws all drop in testimony to my codin' skill
    But then the marketing gurus all start to file in
    The icons are two pixels off, I gotta start again

    Why don't we get drunk and hack?
    The best way to work for MS is with a monkey on your back
    Pressures from all over, we surely do not lack
    So why don't we get drunk and hack?

    I've nearly got the spelling checker working sensibly
    When Steve from next cube over comes along to say to me
    "We're always losin' marketshare to that ol' wily Finn"
    And I don't say a word because I'm three sheets to the wind


  • And if they made SUSE beer, you'd pretty much have to buy 6 cases.
  • Yeah, now that I look at it, I see what you're talking about. Maybe they're just slow about getting them up.
  • The original article says that Micro$oft can't do anything about it because of Russia's poor copyrights. So in other words, they tried. But when someone made Linux fabric softener, it was considered "no contest" since the difference between OS and laundry products "does not cause confusion in the markey"... Sounds kinda like a double standard to me...
  • Sort of, Foogle... My point actually was that, while someone could get away with exploiting the name of Linux in an unrelated market, no one (in this country or otherwise) would be able to get away with it if it were some almighty, self-righteous, government-bribing (Ooo sorry, "government-sponsoring") corperation.

  • Buy a keg of Windows 99 beer and pour it over all your Windows' CDs, disks, manuals, everything Windows and burn it to oblivion!

    Everything GNU.

  • Windows 99 Beer: Tastes great, less bloating.
  • There was no 0 AD.. it was 1 AD, the year of Our Lord..
    This is only the new millenium if we start counting from 1 BC...
  • I have the perfect spokeman -Bender from Futurama, check out this .wav http://kancer.978.org/~kancer/drinktillreboot.wav


  • why does slash think it is an hour earlier here in Michigan than it really is? Posting now at approx 15:51 EST

    "Rex unto my cleeb, and thou shalt have everlasting blort." - Zorp 3:16

  • Hmmm, yes, insightful. Now I refer you to the eToy scandal... now take into account Microsoft's market capital... At this rate, by the year 2010 I dont think anyone would get away with selling Windhglows boxer shorts...

    Though it would be quite interesting if this wasnt in some country with such a sketchy idea of a 'law system', I'd love to see the progress and compare and contrast with the eToy thing.

    No I'm sorry Mr Gates, you dont have a case.
    Why not? eToys did it, and were a million times bigger!
    Okay Mr Gates, on the day of 4th november, when you were in the fourth grade, did the other kids refuse to play with you because they though you were a geek?
    Listen I dont see what this ha....
    Answer the quetion!!!!! Did tey, or did they not, refuse to play with you because they didnt like you?
    There we go...now i dont like you, and I dont want to play, so get out of my court room.
    No buts, do you want me to tell the big kids to get you again....er, I mean, arrest you...

  • Hey, I live in Germany. I wonder if there has been any exported here yet. I am gonna go to the store on Monday and find out. Wonder if it tastes good.
  • If you buy Windows 99 beer, you must also buy Windows 2000 or Millenium.

    Every case of Windows 99 beer will come with a copy of Internet Explorer.

    The windows version of Emacs will also stop complaining about beer in the fridge. However, Windows itself will complain if you don't have any Windows 99 in the house.

  • Alright! An adult on Slashdot who's not so insecure that they have to take it out on their 16-year-old peers.. ("peers" used intentionally :)
  • Hey, I live in Russia. I am a patriot, but you'd better continue to drink German beer :-)
  • While looking around /. this new years day, I found on older post by Rob (CmdrTaco) on Jan 1 1998.

    This page [slashdot.org] starts with the following story.

    Contributed by CmdrTaco on Thursday January 01, @01:25AM
    from the happy-new-year dept.
    While most of the rest of the world was passed out frompartying away 1997, some diligent hackers broke in toQuake2.com the popular Quake web site and replaced the homepage with first a pornographic image, and then this image sent to us by Alan Bailward.


  • I was so angry at microsoft for fscking up my computer (i lost all my files) one time, and in anger i kicked a hole in the wall... it was a dry-wall wall but still, microsoft is dangerous.
  • This isn't offtopic. It has to do with a different story that was here on Slashdot, and is definitely interesting.

    WorldServe Consulting [worldserve.net]

  • Hey, are all these posts by the same guy, or are there that many people here who are afraid to attach their real email address to their posts?

    Maybe there were two jesuses who were different people but spelled their name the same. One said his name like Gezus, the other called himself Hazuse. Gezus had white parents, Mary and Joseph and was white and had all kinds of adventures with a bunch of white guys.

    The other guy, Hazuse, was born to Maria and Jose.

    Heheh I bet I'll get flamed by the inquisition because I just implied that Joe inseminated Mary. Am I going to be tortured for eternity because I just called him diminutively Joe? Or does it not matter because he wasn't a saint?

    I sure wish I knew what I was talking about. Any non-anonymous cowards have something to say about this?
  • Do you really believe that it could possibly taste good?
    I think you will get bluescreens right after you drank it, ctrl-alt-dels in the morning and scandisk by noon. ;-)
  • So does that mean that the Windows 99 stock will rise on the Russian market because they think it is the Mircosoft product? I mean, if people will vote for Napoleon even after he is dead, people might invest in Windows!

  • You see, Windows 99 beer was scheduled for release in 1999. Of course, maybe they'll end up changing the name and adding some colored graphics to the can to make up for it:

    Beer NT! (New Taste)
  • No kidding. If you think this is a funny point against microsoft, yer probably wrong.. I mean, look how standard the name has become now.. baically he's won them over psychologically now. What's next?
  • Fortunately, if Microsoft try to buy a Russian company, the Russian Mafia will be nosing in for a share of the profits faster than Win 95 can crash.

    Their marketing people might well be able to sell a square wheel to dolphins, but good luck to them if they try to do it when the killer whales are circling.


  • by TheZ ( 121300 )
    Who's gonna drink a beer in which you gotta agree to a EULA before opening the bottle? I heard the bottles break easily too.
  • So, if Windows=cheap beer (ex. Natural Lite), and Linux is so much better than Windows, what would Linux be? Heineken? "Keep your hands off my Linny, baby."
  • ... and apple productors never got sued!
  • Great! Just what I've been looking for! I already downloaded a case of Windows99 Beer from some Beerz-site. But: Can anybody tell me where I can download a bottle-opener?
  • Microsoft has made money off of us all at some point in our lives. I think it's just wonderful that someone is able to stick it in microsoft and break it off!!! I never thought I'd say it but GO RUSSIA GO!!!
  • i'm thinking Linux would be more along the lines of Guinness or maybe Bass
    Gentleman, you can't fight in here, this is the war room..
  • I wouldn't mind a Linux named Windows 99.
  • Disclaimer: Microsoft is not responsible for any physical or mental problems (ie, frustration, broken finger, etc...) caused by excessive rebooting and/or frequent crashes.
  • All this reminds me of the time a guy walks into the store I used to work at and asked if we had a book on Windows. "Sure" we reply, point him in the right direction. He comes back, says we don't, we say, of course we do, this is a computer-store after all. to make a long story short, turns out the guy was interested in _actual_ Windows (you know, the analog transparent kind) hehe
  • up here in the great white north of British Columbia, there is something called 360 Lager, with a cute picture of a penguin and some mountains on the can... www.pwbrewing.com [pwbrewing.com]
  • up here in the great white north of British Columbia, there is something called 360 Lager, with a cute picture of a penguin and some mountains on the can... www.pwbrewing.com
  • I don't see this as an exploit of any kind, in the US it might have even bee possible to do this because.

    1. M$ owns the rights to Windows x.x, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windoes 2000, Windows NT and they're all OSes.

    2. If you want to produce a product with a similar name but not the same type of product there is no chance of confusing the consumer and there is no legal recourse that M$ can take if the name is different.

    3. This type of think could have occurred in just about any country, not just Russia.

  • I can't believe nobody has yet commented on the dates for the feedback that follows the above-linked article.

    All those 1/01/100s look so nice and nifty, don't they?
  • Windows99 beer! Where do you wanna puke today?
  • If they went with Windows 2000 their beer and cigarettes would seem newer with most Russians. But it'd probably be more expensive as well as they would have had the run of the Russian alcohol market :)
  • First, I don't think that the company's name is Windows99, so it's not like an investor would be throwing money directly into Windows99. And even if it was the company's name, any investor who'd throw money at it without researching would have to be either stupid or drunk (which is always a possibility).


    "You can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding."

  • I think his point was that people in the US have done the same thing already with Linux, in the form of a fabric softener. To the best of my knowledge this has nothing to do with Russian Trademark laws -- you'd be able to get away with the same thing here, on the grounds that the products were completely unrelated.


    "You can't shake the Devil's hand and say you're only kidding."

  • Ok, so the Russians have nicked the name "Windows" for their beer... how about some subtle modifications to current beer slogans as a marketing ploy?

    Windows 99.... refreshes the parts other beers don't reach (like the MSN homepage when you first install)

    Windows 99.... Probably the best mugger in the world

    Windows 99.... King of Fears

    Windows 99.... It's Biller Time

    Windows 99.... He who drinks Billy's thinks Willys

    Windows 99.... Crash out with a fresh one

    Windows 99.... End users wouldn't give a XXXX for anything else

    Windows 99.... It doesn't get you drunk, leaves a foul taste in your mouth and costs too much but hey, your boss will like it!

    I'll never assume that a rogue or a thief is a gentleman worthy implicit belief just because his attourney has sent me a brief, said I to myself said I - Gilbert and Sullivan

  • by MrP- ( 45616 )
    I was watching TV like a month or more ago, and they were talking about the Microsoft Windows Beer,everyone was drinking it and junk (duh) .... didnt think it was called Windows 99 though, I coulda swore it was Windows 98.... maybe this is a new one?

    $mrp=~s/mrp/elite god/g;
  • Red Hat beer -- they'll give you the recipe for free, they'll sell you the beer for very cheap, but if you need a ride home after the party, they'll charge upwards of $25/hr/person.
  • MOSCOW -- A previously obscure maker of vodka announced today that they would begin producing a new brand of vodka, named after the free operating system Linux.

    "Like Linux, the 'source code,' or recipe, will be included on each bottle. We will also be selling -- at cost -- brew-at-home kits," a company spokesperson said.

    When asked how they intended to make a profit from such a business plan, the spokesperson stated that they would "offer assistance with the brew-at-home kit, for a charge," and that "most people would rather buy a complete bottle anyway."

    Linus Torvalds, owner of the Linux operating system trademark, was quoted as saying "It'd be nice to see Linux vodka beat out this other Windows product I've heard about."

    However, not all in the free software community felt the same way. Richard Stallman stated that "this Linux vodka would have been nothing without my Emacs editor, used to create the recipe! And of course, all the other GNU tools used in its creation. I would like for it to be renamed as GNU/Linux vodka."

    Company executives, however, seemed not to care much at all about Stallman's concerns.

    When the "geek community" of Slashdot was asked, many comments seemed rather cryptic. Indeed, there were many posts reading only "F1r5t p0st!" or "Natalie Portman petrified and naked!"

    Dear my! What are those things coming out of her nose?

  • Windows underpants?

    BSOD == Brown Streak of Death

    "Rex unto my cleeb, and thou shalt have everlasting blort." - Zorp 3:16

  • Can you confirm this? More importantly, can you ship me a bottle or two? Oh, and if they EVER realease the windows gum; I'm all over that.

    Think about it. The ability to grind windows between your teeth and chew angrily for hours and hours. Suffering is much more important than death, and quite frankly, chewing on windows cds doesn't taste as good as you might at first suspect.
  • Hmm... I wonder if I can get windows for my home office? Or maybe for my car? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Even better!

    Windows for Exterior Walls!

    Aren't trademarks on common words not allowed? Seems like 'Windows' would have been defenestrated years ago. Maybe it wasn't because a computer window is not like a architectual window. But then again, windowing in GUI's has been around since...GUI's were invented (IIRC). Isn't that enough to get it tossed out the court ... well, you know.

    Unless you count a classic method of leaving a bar, it seems like the Russian trademark should hold more beer^H^H^H^Hwater.

    Waiter! There's a bug in my Windows!
  • Or at least a picture of the bottles:
    http://www.eseth.com/windowsbeer.jpg [eseth.com]
  • Oh the hillarity. Of course if this was linux trademark infringement then everyone would be screaming bloody murder ;)
  • by mattdm ( 1931 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @10:04AM (#1423220) Homepage
    This is not poor trademark law; this is good law. Trademarks are not universal, and apply only within certain classes of goods and services. (This is true in the US as well. And incidentally, one of the reasons trademark law shouldn't and can't be applied directly to domain names.) Microsoft's "Windows" products are computer software. And, for example, Andersen and Pella use "Windows" in a different sense, and that's none of Microsoft's business.


  • by sled ( 10079 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:14AM (#1423221) Homepage
    for the name of a new brand of cheap booze?
  • by Ravenfeather ( 21614 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:11AM (#1423222)

    Windows 99 - it will make you boot. And boot. And boot. And boot....

    *This Will Be Moderated Up But
  • I can see Bill Gates keeping his two bottles on his big executive desk for visitors. I can't imagine him getting rid of them or doing anything but laughing. His corporate marketing people would probably be pissed as heck, but he'll probably get a kick out of it.
  • by jacobm ( 68967 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:15AM (#1423224) Homepage
    Dude, if they made Slackware Linux beer I'd buy two cases.

  • by BMIComp ( 87596 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @08:54AM (#1423225)
    I still think there should be surgeon general's warnings on microsoft products

    Surgeon Generals Warning:
    Installation of this product may result in your computers unwilligness to function.

    Other Irreversible side effects: Internet Explorer
  • by sjames ( 1099 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:58AM (#1423226) Homepage Journal

    Please keep in mind, if you install windows 99:

    Driving under Windows 99 is an illegal operation, law enforcement WILL take an exception, and you will crash due to driver errors. This time, the BSOD is forever!

  • by cburley ( 105664 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:24AM (#1423227) Homepage Journal
    A beer named "Windows 99"??!

    I'll bet Microsoft executives are hopping mad!

    This oughta set a record for beta-test volunteer sign-ups!

    BSOD => BrewSki Of Death

    Suggested motto: "When every day is just another excuse to crash!"

    Suggested motto: "Had it with computer viruses? Behold the joy of yeast!"

    Suggested motto: "Windows 99: start me up, and you'll definitely never stop!"

    Suggested motto: "Our beer will make a grown woman cry, too!"

    Suggested motto: "What, do you want to `go', today?"

    (BTW, "hopping"...hops...get it?)

    Now I'm looking forward to the press release from Microsoft claiming that the mere existence of "Windows 99" beer shows that it's not a monopoly....

  • by mcc ( 14761 ) <amcclure@purdue.edu> on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:48AM (#1423228) Homepage
    Windows 99 beer and cigarretes are of course very popular substances for a legal high that kills you very, very slowly and increasingly painfully over time.

    However, most college students have turned to "experimenting" with various strange substances. For example, snorting of Linux laundry detergent has become unusually popular in the last year, and reported overdoses have increased by more than 10000%. The popular detergent is imported from northeastern europe.

    We went to visit Steve Jobs, permanent interrim CEO of Apple Computer, to ask him his opinion on these trends. He was smoking something wrapped up in a small piece of paper-- we didn't catch what. His only response was to giggle strangely, then mumble something about "hey man, at least my liver's going to be ok" and cough loudly. he then picked up a phone, called Avie Tevanian, and ordered the entire Apple campus at 1 infinite loop (including the grass) to be painted a bright pastel blue by tomorrow. He seemed very.. relaxed throughout the entire interview.

    Meanwhile a certain professor at Berkeley University has been encouraging everyone to "Turn on, tune in, drop out" by using a substance called BSD.

    Trip on.
  • by Alorelith ( 118865 ) on Saturday January 01, 2000 @07:38AM (#1423229) Homepage
    Who's to say that Microsoft just won't take this opportunity to buy out this company and go into the tobacco/alcohol business? I think it would be really easy to subvert drunks into buying MS products.

Never buy from a rich salesman. -- Goldenstern