so configure journald to simultaneously spit out text log files to syslog/rsyslog
Uh what? HAHAHAHA. And also HAHAHAHA.
Let's actually discuss what you just said here.
Journald doesn't spit out text log files, that's the problem.
It will spit out text log info to another syslogd, which means there's more latency before the log message hits the disk.
Therefore you can not get simultaneous logging.
If journald did text logging, which a Unix syslog should do (it is the Unix way to use human-readable flat text files and that is for a good reason) then no one would be bitching. Text logging is more important than binary logging, it should be first.
Nobody in the systemd camp seems to be able to remember that flat files without specific formats was an advancement of Unix. Let the application sort it out, and simultaneously make the information meaningful to humans.