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Journal Journal: Mars, Ho! Chapter Thirty One

Walking
        I was almost late for my eight o'clock visit to the pilot room, and only had time to grab a robe. I didn't even have time to grab coffee, let alone a shower and breakfast. We shouldn't have watched that last movie, I guess. Well, inspections would be a little late today. I grimaced, and ordered a cup of coffee from the computer. Those robots must use instant coffee rather than perking it, because it tastes nasty but they get a cup to you in no time, even though it seems like forever when you really need a cup of it. It takes five or ten minutes for my pot to make coffee.
        It was nasty, but it was coffee, or an almost reasonable substitute for coffee. At least it would make me more alert. With all those damned drug addicts on board I need to be alert!
        It looked like today wasn't going to be nearly as easy as yesterday. There was a course correction and engine sixty three had a minor undervoltage. I shut it down from the pilot room as Destiny came in with a cup of good coffee that robots can't make; she must have gotten up right after I did.
        "Thanks," I said. "How late were we up last night? I almost didn't make it here on time."
        She laughed. "I don't know, that last movie seemed like it was pretty long, and we cuddled longer than usual after it was over, too. Want some breakfast?"
        "Sure," I said. She ordered the robot to make scrambled eggs and bacon and had a little fun with the computer, asking for pork bacon, and toast, and drank coffee with me as I finished up in the pilot room.
        I got dressed and we ate a quick breakfast. My morning shower would have to wait today. Engine inspections were first. The robot plugged into sixty four had repaired it, so I unplugged the robot from it and restarted it and plugged the robot into number sixty three.
        Robots were still working on engines seventeen and twenty three. Twenty three had two different kinds of robots working on it, so I logged that. The port generator was still broke, of course, but other than being broke and completely useless it was fine. The starboard generator was in good shape, too.
        Despite having a nasty first cup of coffee and almost being late to work I was in a pretty good mood. I decided to let the girls who were confined out as long as they promised to be good... hah, like that promise meant anything. But like Tammy had said, these girls couldn't help themselves any more than a house cat can help clawing your furniture.
        Billie was actually civil, and what was even more amazing was that Lek was actually clothed! I complimented her on the dress. "Thank you," she said, "I ashamed. I no want act like animal although I am one."
        That was a pretty good sign, according to Tammy's book. I was in an even better mood.
        There were three girls whose names I couldn't remember, the German blonde and the skinny redhead and a more normal sized woman with green hair in the commons. Why her hair was green I had no idea; weird hair colors were a fad a few hundred years ago but were way out of style these days. Might as well have tattoos, those things were popular a few hundred years ago too but nobody had them these days. Maybe the weird hair color fad was coming back? What's next, nose rings? Those people back in the twenty first century were crazy.
        The redhead and the German were eating, and the woman with the green hair was drinking something pink.
        I inspected sick bay, and finally could take a shower. Destiny had the robots make hoagies and potato splitters for lunch while I took my shower and put on clean clothes. The noisy maid was cleaning as we ate our sandwiches.
        We took glasses of shike to the living room and watched an episode of Rawhide. When it was finished Destiny said "I think I'll take a walk, want to come along?"
        "Sure," I replied. "Cabin fever?"
        "Yeah, a little."
        Tammy was in the commons by herself with a tablet and stylus as we went past, so we decided to have another shike. "Working?" destiny asked.
        Tammy looked around furtively, making sure there were no droppers, and said "Yeah. I'm writing a paper on the effects of low gravity on droppers, I'm really learning a lot on this trip. We only had a very little bit of data on that aspect of their addiction, so this is some important research. What are you guys up to?"
        "Just going for a walk," Destiny said. "I haven't been getting enough exercise lately and I seem to be tired all the time. I might even walk down a few flights of stairs."
        "I'm not," I said. "I get enough damned stairs every day. Tammy, Lek was actually wearing clothes this morning!"
        "Really? Which one?"
        "The one that talks English okay, the only Thai on board that does. I think she's the one that knocked me out."
        "That's great!" she exclaimed, beaming. "I'll have a gurney examine her, maybe I can get that kind of progress from all of them, or at least more of them."
        "Well, I don't know," I said, "she said she's ashamed that she's an animal."
        "Excellent!" she said, and furiously scribbled something in her tablet with its stylus.
        We went back to our walk, passing a few naked droppers as we went. By the time we got to the stairwell Destiny said she changed her mind about climbing stairs, so we went back to my quarters and watched some ancient movie called "Dumbo" that had no actors, just colored moving drawings.
        A century ago all movies were like that, except the drawings were done inside a computer and looked like they were real people and buildings and stuff... or almost. Now days only low budget B movies are made inside computers, they've gone back to using actors and sets and props again.
        We had some kind of Mexican dish for dinner. I don't know what it was called, but I didn't care too much for it, it was way too spicy.
        We watched a short movie about four college professors and their dumb blonde neighbor who wants to be an actor, then a beautiful old fantasy called "Lord of the Rings," or at least the first part -- it had been taken from an old book that was written in three long parts.
        The we cuddled to some classical music and went to bed. And no, it's still none of your damned business.

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Journal Journal: $fans-- 3

At least, I'm pretty sure that is the relationship I am being told of:

Relationship Change
sent by Slashdot Message System on Wednesday July 16, 2014 @12:05AM

Arker (91948) has ceased their relationship with you.

I'm guessing this is relating to the discussion that started here, where I dared to point out that Ron Paul is a cult leader of a movement that oppresses the common man.

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Journal Journal: And now for something completely different 3

The Catholic Church considers the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics to fit with our theology. But it also occurs to me that it fits with the problems I've run into converting analog to digital measurement. And THAT points to the theological idea that many people worship not the Creator of the Universe, but an image of God that is a model of the actual God.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Silliness: Chainsaw Mick

The Spring 2014 issue of the Knight Letter arrived just as i was finishing Collected Works Book 11, and so got right to it.

There's a lot of light humor in the magazine, but one thing in particular made me laugh (links mine):

A chainsaw carving of a hookah-smoking caterpillar has been beheaded by vandals in Ripon, England. The statue had been commissioned by the local council to commemorate Lewis Carrol's visits to the down during his father's residency at Ripon Cathedral. Chainsaw artist Mick Burns (known localy as "Chainsaw Mick") was philosophical about the vandalism. "It's not the first time it's happened with my sculptures, it comes with the territory," he said.

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Journal Journal: Mars, Ho! Chapter Thirty

Resignation
        He'd only read a little more of the report when he laid the tablet down and grabbed the fone and called his secretary. "Book a flight to Mars as soon as you can get me there," he said.
        He composed a letter to his daughter. "Dear Destiny," it said, "I wish you'd stay in touch. I'm in the middle of reading your fiancee's report and I see you're getting married. Please wait until I get there, I want to give my daughter away :)
        "Love, Dad"
        After he sent the mail a message from the company president came in.
        "Dewey, I just now fired that idiot Richardson. That moron must have had a devout Jewish Rabbi to program the robots to cook pork, because I just had barbecued pork steaks on this ship and they were worse than the coffee.
        "The ship's captain is excellent, from what I can tell as a random traveler. You know I went under an assumed name. Well, no sooner had the robot brought me coffee when the captain himself brought a pot of excellent coffee in and apologized for the robot coffee. He said he made coffee for all his passengers, even when he was flying cargo class passengers. At least some of our people are doing a good job, even above and beyond. Captain Muñoz said that all the first class captains were doing it, and even most cargo captains, and that there was one guy named 'Tex' that made barbecued pork for his passengers. Steaks, ribs, chops, Muñoz said that Texas is famous for barbecue. I understand that the Australians are pretty crazy about barbecue, too.
        "Anyway, I wish you'd talk to Engineering and promote someone as chief. See you when I get back to Earth."
        He composed a memo to all engineering staff.

        TO: Engineering
        FROM: Dewey Green, CEO
        SUBJECT: New Chief
        Staff, your chief has tendered his resignation immediately and I am looking for his replacement. I want my engineers to be productive, and you're more productive when you enjoy your assignments. I want my engineers to be happy.
        Please reply with answers to the following questions, and let none of the answers be your own name.
        1. Who do you consider to be our best engineer, and why?
        2. Who would you most want to be chief engineer, and why?
        3. Who would you consider to be our worst engineer, and why?
        4, Who would you want least to be our chief engineer, and why?
        5. Which or our engineers has the best people skills?
        I expect a reply in one hour and will expect all of you to be in conference room three in two hours.

        He poured a cup of coffee and continued reading.

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Journal Journal: Chronicle: Homemade Oxiclean, Amazon Smile, & Amazon with FF 4

Searching on Amazon for Oxiclean and reading the comments made the point of how expensive it was. Searching Google for homemade oxiclean returned a number of results such as this one.

After buying washing soda and hydrogen peroxide at Walmart, a big red cup (until one of its lines, estimating it was at least 12 ounces (1.5 cups)) was used to put equal amounts washing soda and peroxide in a 5 gallon bucket. After filling the bucket a little over halfway with hot water in the bathtub, in went some white shirts, towels, and a sheet that never seems to get clean at one end. A half-hour later, the now dirty water was was dumped and washed the items with other clothes went into the washer. It indeed get's everything white, what bleach alone did not do. Of course this time i did a pre-soak, which apparently makes all the difference.

Another page thinks this is still too expensive and recommends something at the dollar store. Kudos to her for the math.

On a side note, i started using Amazon Smile and chose a favored charity. The font came up small for me but i just increased the size. Seemingly, i only need it at checkout and Amazon reminds me sometimes about it. On a side side note, Amazon slows down FF terribly at times. I wonder if it is due to the plugins.

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Journal Journal: Milestones 2

Last weekend Mars, Ho! passed the magic 40,000 words, the number of words necessary for a science fiction work to be a novel.

Tuesday it massed the even more magical 42042 words; that's the number for marijuana glued to the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything. More importantly, it's the exact number of words in Nobots. As of this writing Mars, Ho! is 47,000 words. I don't think I'll reach my 100k goal, there are only half dozen more chapters to write.

Oddly, Mars, Ho! is turning into a genre that I usually don't enjoy -- horror. "Drugula". But Knolls will later be glad he has a boat full of dangerous monsters.

The next five chapters have been written, which are followed by a few that aren't written yet, followed by ten written that go almost at the end of the book.

Yes, I've become obsessed with this thing. Tomorrow, Knolls gets a surprise that you've probably already guessed.

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Journal Journal: Fun with SQL Server 2012 11

I have a Table Valued Function that returns a simple parameterized view. I want to turn that view into a string.

Can anybody tell me why the first query works and the second one doesn't?

DECLARE @JobID INT
DECLARE @strOut VARCHAR(MAX)

SET @JobID=2861

SELECT @strOut =Coalesce(@strOut +',','')+ ISNULL('[' +
MP.ModelPointName + '] int', 'ErrorInFactoryModel int')
FROM (SELECT TOP 800 ModelPointName, Sequence
      FROM dbo.GetReferencedModelPointsByJobID(@JobID)
      ORDER BY Sequence) MP
WHERE NOT (MP.ModelPointName LIKE '%Ship%'
        OR MP.ModelPointName LIKE '%Scrap%')

PRINT @strOut

SET @strOut=NULL

SELECT @strOut =Coalesce(@strOut +',','')+ ISNULL('[' +
MP.ModelPointName + '] int', 'ErrorInFactoryModel int')
FROM dbo.GetReferencedModelPointsByJobID(@JobID) MP
WHERE NOT (MP.ModelPointName LIKE '%Ship%'
        OR MP.ModelPointName LIKE '%Scrap%')
      ORDER BY Sequence

PRINT @strOut

The 2nd one returns a single field name, the first, returns all the field names.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Mars, Ho! Chapter Seven point five

This chapter goes between the present chapters seven and eight.

Financials
        The CEO of the company was annoyed. More than annoyed. He put the report down and buzzed his secretary.
        "Yes sir?" she said.
        "Who's in charge of scheduling?"
        "I believe that's Ms. Martinez."
        "She's in charge that department?"
        "Yes, sir."
        "I want to see her. Right now. And the head of financial as well. What's the financial head's name?"
        "Yes sir. The head of financial is Larry Griffins."
        He drummed his fingers as he waited impatiently for his incompetent staff. This was inexcusable, so they damned well better have a good excuse. The two finally came in together with worried looks on their faces; neither had actually met the highest ranking officer in the company, and he had an angry look on his face.
        He said said "Miss Martinez..."
        "Missus," she said defiantly. She was going to get fired anyway, she thought, even though she didn't know why. If she were going to get fired, she'd not be disrespected.
        "Sorry, Missus Martinez," the CEO said sarcastically. "I'd like to know why Mars two eighty four didn't wait a week and a half to launch? And you, Griffins, why are you letting stockholders' money be wasted like that?"
        Both looked puzzled, and said in unison "Sir?" Martinez added "I don't understand. We schedule according to launch availability as the requests come in, in order."
        "And you allow this, Griffins?"
        "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand, either."
        "Christ!" Green exclaimed, exasperated. "Didn't either of you go to college?"
        "Yes sir, I went to U of I," Martinez said.
        "I have an MBA from..." Griffins started.
        Green interrupted him. "It's basic physics, people! Orbital mechanics! My boat captains think you're really ignorant; they know how stupid it is to launch at the wrong time and are reporting on it, and they're only high school graduates."
        Martinez frowned. "I only had one physics class, my major was math."
        Green shook his head. "Look, you two need to communicate better with the other departments. Especially you, Griffins. Mrs. Martinez, we have astrophysicists who could save this company a lot of money if you'd let them. Don't just have them plot trajectories, talk to them and even more importantly listen to them. Don't just have them guide ships, I want them to guide you.
        Griffins, this is mostly on you. You're supposed to be finding ways to save this company money and undereducated boat captains are doing a better job of it than you are. I have reports that we're underenginnering parts to save money, and spending even more to replace them. Don't issue orders to engineering; you're not an engineer. Listen to them, make sure you find out repair costs and calculate that in with engineering and manufacturing costs.
        "Martinez, from now on consult with astrophysics for scheduling! You should already be doing it. Now get back to work, both of you."
        They left and he buzzed his secretary. "I want a meeting with all department heads tomorrow at nine in the morning." These people were going to communicate with each other or he'd replace them all.
        "Yes, sir. Mister Bush is on vacation in Rio though, sir."
        "Then have whoever he left in charge attend and contact Bush and tell him he'd damned well better be there by teleconference, and I don't care if he's on the beach in South America naked with a tablet."
        "Yes sir," she said. "Wow," she thought, "he's really in a bad mood today!"
        He started reading again.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Mars, Ho! Chapter Twenty Nine

Movies
        Destiny and me woke up at the same time the next morning. We cuddled a while, made love again, then made coffee and took a shower together while the robots made us steak and cheese omelettes and toast and hash browns. Destiny put on the news. There was something about a problem in one of the company's boat factories; some machinery malfunctioned and killed a guy. I sure took notice of that! They didn't really have much information about it, though. They said something about trying to build in safety laws into the programming, I think I heard about something like that before.
        Something occurred to me. "You can afford pork but it makes you feel guilty? I didn't know astronomy teachers made that much money."
        "We don't," she said. "I should have told you, I don't just work for the charity, it's my charity. I started it."
        "What?"
        "Sorry, I never give my money any thought. My dad's Dewey Green."
        I almost fell out of my chair. "Your... dad..." I was almost speechless. "Uh, your dad's my CEO? No shit?"
        "Does it matter?"
        "I don't know," I said. I was dumbfounded. "I can't support a CEO's daughter on boat captain's pay!"
        "You don't have to, silly, I pay my own way. Didn't you say you were going to retire and live on Mars with me? Didn't you say you wanted to tend bar?"
        "Well, yeah, but bartenders don't make much money either."
        "No, but bar owners do. At least successful ones, you'll have to take some business classes."
        "I was going to go to college anyway, can't have a high school grad married to a PhD. What's your dad going to think?"
        "It doesn't matter, he has no say. I'm not dependent on him and I won't be dependent on anyone. I got my endowment when I was twenty one and invested it. I have more money that he does, even."
        "Holy shit," I said.
        "Computer," she said, "what time is it?"
        "The present time is seven fifty eight."
        "Oh shit," I said, running to the pilot room.
        Except for a slight course correction everything was fine, and that only took a minute. The computers do the work, I just make sure they all agree with each other.
        The commons only had the fat blonde in it. These girls almost never ate breakfast, except for the blonde. She was always in there eating, it seemed. Inspection was easy.
        Cargo was easy, too. Every single one was asleep, which was a relief. Tammy was keeping the animals under control and even keeping them human, apparently.
        It was the passenger section that was a pain - R1 caught fire. Why in the hell are robots programmed to clean unoccupied quarters? Rooms that are never occupied shouldn't even have any air in them. Air is a fire hazard!
        Anyway, there was nothing I had to do except log it. Another maid would come by to clean the mess after another robot dragged it off and repaired it. I thought of something, then thought better of it. I almost told the computer not to use parts cannibalized from other broken machines, but at this rate we would run out of maids. And probably other robots as well.
        The sick bay was empty but I had to inspect it anyway, mostly to make sure its drugs were all secure, especially with all these drug addicts on board, but since there was nobody there it didn't take any time at all. Now it was time for my daily exercise routine, my five flights of stairs down to the engines and generators, and my long walk from one generator to the other, stopping at all those huge ion rocket motors.
        All the engines and the lone working generator checked out and there weren't even any robots working on any of them, so I was done early for a change. I was glad of it, as busy as I'd been lately I could use some time off. I trudged up the five damned flights of stairs and walked back to my quarters.
        Destiny was reading as I walked in. "Johnie! You're home early!"
        "Easy day for once. Computer, what time is it?"
        The computer said "The present time is eleven thirteen."
        "Want to eat lunch early and watch something?" Destiny asked.
        "Sure," I said, and grinned. "Ham sandwiches?"
        She laughed. "Yeah, with pork bacon and a side of caviar and a hundred year old bottle of French wine to go with it! How about a cheeseburger and shike?"
        "How about a pizza and beer," I suggested.
        "Sounds good to me. Computer, a medium supreme pizza and two beers. We can eat it while we're watching. What do you feel like?"
        I didn't care. "I don't know, pick something."
        She put Spaghetti on. Huh? It's an old science fiction comedy from the first part of the twenty second century. Destiny said it was one of the last two dimensional movies, holograms were getting cheap enough to start being popular.
        We had spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread for dinner and put on a modern holo, a really bad holographic recreation of one of the old westerns. It sucked, she shut it off after fifteen minutes and said "We should watch a spaghetti western."
        "Huh?" I said. "What's a 'spaghetti western'?"
        She said that a "spaghetti western" was a movie about the ancient American west that was filmed in Italy. No, I don't know why where a movie was made would matter, either.
        Instead of a spaghetti western she put on an old two dimensional shades of gray horror comedy. Huh? No, I never heard of a horror comedy either, but it was hilarious. Destiny said the movie studio had balked at its not having colors, but they were making fun of the horror movies from fifty years earlier when none of them had colors.
        When it was over we shut it off, put on some music, cuddled a while, and went to bed.
        Huh? None of your damned business!

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Journal Journal: Acheivement unlocked: the moderation trifecta!

To the best of my knowledge this is the first time I've pulled this off - up moderations of insightful, informative, and interesting all on the same comment.

Amusing that because of slashdot's shitheaded fuzzy math it says it was moderated Insightful 40% of the time and the other two 30% each even though each was done once as of this moment (yes I know that is an ancient bug here but still worth pointing out how epically stupid it is).

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